buttercreampillow's Check-In

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 1:59 pm

Day 2

Today is my first day to check in and my second day on the No S Diet.

I'm intrigued by this diet, and I've dieted most of my life. My highest weight ever was 179, but mostly I hang around at about 20 pounds over weight. That's awful to write.

I think I can do this, but have one problem. I like to drink several cups of coffee laced with creamer and Splenda during the day, particularly in the morning. I can't drink black coffee, or at least I don't want to. Drinking the coffee is comforting and energizing, which I need because I'm so not a morning person but have to get up early with my children (5:30 to make the school bus). I have no idea how to give this up.

I've envied people who maintain their weight by some relatively natural manner instead of the intrusive, embarrassing method of counting all calories or eating only "magic" foods. I hate drawing attention to my eating habits. I'd love to act like a normal person, but when I'm not dieting, I'm eating as if I'm starving.

I've had some success with Weigh Down, which made me more mindful of hunger and when I was only bored or anxious, but that requires superhuman willpower which I can't muster in my somewhat stressful life right now. I'm a law student and the divorced mom of twin teenage boys.

If anyone is reading this, how do I handle the coffee problem?

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 2:00 pm

Slight correction. My highest weight EVER was 206 when I was about to deliver the twins.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Fri Jan 09, 2009 5:23 am

Eek! I weighed today to get a an idea of where I was starting from and I'm 30 pounds overweight! Ugh.

Thursday - N day - Sucess. Here I sit with a cup of unsweetened hot tea. After this post I'm going to bed. I got pretty hungry a couple of times today. I don't think I'm eating enough. I had a half a bagel with a tiny bit of peanut butter for breakfast, and two hours later I was starving and it wasn't even close to lunch. I'll try to eat more tomorrow, but I'm just so anxious for this to work that I'm afraid to eat.

(Oh yes, I had three cups of coffee with Splenda in the morning, but I did cut back quite a bit on the creamer. That will have to do for now.)

Spook · Post by **Spook** » Fri Jan 09, 2009 11:07 am

I have to admit I don't know what splenda is! But if you're worried about the fat in the creamer, could you switch to skimmed milk instead?

clio · Post by **clio** » Fri Jan 09, 2009 11:25 am

Congrats on a successful day! I just wanted to pop in and say that I am more hungry when I have a carb based breakfast (even oatmeal). After a lot of experimentation I found 2 eggs with broccoli, parmesan cheese cooked in a little butter keeps me going until lunch. But everyone's different of course and I had to try several different things before I found something that fit my requirements (ie I like it, it's healthy, and I will not be starving at 11 in the morning.) Good luck & hang in there, this plan is great and gets easier the longer you do it.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Fri Jan 09, 2009 5:13 pm

Thank you, Spook and Clio!

Spook, splenda is artificial sweetner. It's big among us weight watchers, but then I don't want to be a weight watcher anymore and I know it's not advised on No S. I could switch to skim milk, though. I just don't want to add so much stuff to my coffee that it becomes like a snack!

clio, that sounds like a good idea. I like eggs. I'll have to give some thought to eating foods that will keep me fuller longer. As you say, probably more protein and less refined carbs. When you're probably going to start snacking an hour after a meal, you don't care whether it keeps you full or not.

Have you all lost weight doing this?

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Fri Jan 09, 2009 5:15 pm

Oops, clio, I see that you have lost weight. Congratulations! I hope it happens to me!

Any words of advice?

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 6:26 am

Friday - N day - Success.

I ate a more filling lunch (2 eggs, english muffin and a cube of cheese), but was still starving by dinner time. Had a hard time concentrating on making supper. Not eating makes me feel anxious.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Sun Jan 11, 2009 4:17 am

Saturday - S day - Success (at least as far as an S day can be a sucess) I had a large helping of spaghetti tonight and a piece of pie. I feel like I did something bad.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Wed Jan 21, 2009 5:27 am

Here I am again.

Tuesday - N day - Success

On my own terms.

apomerantz · Post by **apomerantz** » Wed Jan 21, 2009 12:28 pm

Hey there! I am a former WWer too, and I am new to this plan too!!. I just was reading through your update thread . . .

I have pretty little to lose (15 lbs), and I am definitely losing on this plan (3 lbs in 9 days). I do exercise quite a bit, but I always have and was still overweight - - so I'm pretty sure it is the eating that is making the difference.

Did you figure out what to do with your coffee? In the No S Diet book - - black coffee is permissible and whole milk is permissible as beverages (though the books gives a scale of desirability with black coffee being considerably higher than whole milk). So I'm thinking the coffee with real whole milk would definitely be fine. I'm thinking it would be good to get off the sweetener, because the book tries to get you to really steer clear of diet soda (which in essence is a zero calorie drink that also uses sweeteners).

Also, when you are eating your meals, I've found I can eat what I love and really enjoy a pretty good sized portion - - otherwise it is just another diet, and you end up really hungry and miserable.

Last week, I had a whole bagel with about an ounce of havarti cheese AND smoked salmon AND a half a plate (12 inch size) worth of fruit every single day for breakfast - - and maybe one day of eggs. I ate a meal equivalent to a dinner for lunch (often leftovers from the night before) - -with a protein, vegetables, and fruit. And then dinner was a protein (definitely more than a WW 3 oz serving by a lot), a starch, and a vegetable. And I ate the sauces or dressing or whatever. I felt like I was being a "pig" - - and I lost weight.

This can definitely work!!

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Tue Aug 11, 2009 5:05 am

Well, here I am again, what is it, 8 months later? (Having only stayed on No S for about five days.) I'm trying again, and I'm not going to let myself get thrown by the coffee thing. I'm just going to drink coffee like I always have and not worry about it for now. Once I get used to No S, I can tackle the coffee issue.

Today was a good day, I think. I ate a very light supper when I got home from class at about 11 p.m. I don't like that I ate so late, but my only meals so far today were: 1) oatmeal and 2) one skinny piece of pizza, so I was hungry. For my late night supper I had some boiled shrimp, but 10-12 shrimp is a tiny meal, so I'm still hungry. Re-reading my old posts reminds me that I didn't eat enough when I tried this before, and I became starving, which hurt my ability to stick with No S. I'm such a grazer that I'm used to getting a little something on my plate, and then deciding a bit later that I also want something else. I think it's the dieter in me that is afraid to put a regular amount on my plate. Somehow, it didn't "count" if I ony put little dabs on my plate, and then I could fudge to myself and others on how many times I went back for seconds, thirds, etc. Plus, nobody would ever see me with much food on my plate. I'd really like to stop that nonsense, and that dishonesty with myself. Ideally, I would like to start eating breakfast, lunch and dinner, instead of skipping breakfast (or drinking it in the form of innumerable cups of coffee), eating a light lunch, dinner and permasnacking through the evening. It's embarrassing to eat that way.

Hello to any visitors to this thread!

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Wed Aug 12, 2009 5:12 pm

Good day yesterday--success. I ate my second meal at 3:30, and just wasn't hungry for another before bed. I seriously debated having my third meal at bedtime, just because I could, and because I'm so used to snacking at night that it was hard to stay out of the kitchen. However, I really wasn't hungry, and for once, I realized that.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:16 am

Good day. 1/2 PB and J for breakfast. A homegrown tomato, cottage cheese and pasta with sauce for lunch. Sushi for supper. Coffee with creamer.

I don't find myself pining for the coming weekend. I'm choosing what I want to eat at meals, and don't really miss the snacking. I'm enjoying having some structure in my life and not eating in the evenings.

The trick will be to have success on the days that I have class. Since I leave for class at about 5 or earlier each day, I really don't want to eat dinner at 4:30. But I don't get home until 10:15 or so, which is rather late for a meal. Is a puzzlement.

howfunisthat · Post by **howfunisthat** » Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:04 pm

Hi! I love your sig line...."calorie accountant"...it's perfect.

Have you read the book yet? If you haven't, I think some of what you've been puzzling over might be addressed there. I find myself reading it over & over and getting a new tidbit of info every time I do.

I think you're absolutely right about not making your coffee an issue right now. It's just not big enough to stress over when you're trying to get the rest of the day in order. One step at a time is often a very smart way to manage this plan.

I hope you're doing well....hang in there!
janie

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Thu Aug 13, 2009 10:35 pm

Hi Janie, thanks for stopping by!

I haven't bought the book yet, but I will. I am a little afraid that there will be something in it that I won't want to know, like "No caffeine" or "No artificial sweetner" (which I suspect is out there somewhere already). When I tried this before, I got so tied up in knots about the coffee thing, and found tea to be such a dismal substitute that I failed at the whole No S thing. I will check out book and hope for an answer I can live with.

One thing I'm really enjoying about No S is the freedom to eat whatever I want. If I want sushi, or strawberries, or a hot dog, I can have it, without counting! It's marvelous!!

howfunisthat · Post by **howfunisthat** » Thu Aug 13, 2009 11:04 pm

Hi again,

I think what you'll really find in the book is freedom! Freedom from thinking about food...freedom from feeling guilty....it's wonderful.

Here's my thought on the coffee thing...just leave it alone for now. Drink your coffee...make it taste wonderful...and don't worry about it! If the coffee thing is causing you stress about the whole plan, then put it on the back burner and decide not to think about it. If, after a month or three months or six months, you want to make a change, then work on it...but it truly isn't a huge issue. And if you choose never to work on it, that's your choice too! I used to drink Diet Coke quite a bit....and I knew in the back of my mind that it wasn't good for me, but I decided it wasn't the main issue so I chose not to think about it. It wasn't until last week at the grocery store that it even dawned on me that I haven't had any in many weeks. I think the issue just took care of itself naturally.

I love this quote by Stephen R. Covey..."The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing." I truly believe this applies here. So hang in there...read the book...glean out of it what helps you...and enjoy your coffee!

Keep in touch!
janie

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Fri Aug 14, 2009 6:42 pm

Hello again, Janie!

I love what you had to say about the coffee--and I ordered the book. I am so not a morning person, and I hate to say how dependent I am on the coffee to get me going. Maybe it's something I can work on later, but either way, thanks for your helpful and understanding words!

One thing that impresses me about this board is how encouraging and helpful everyone here seems to be. Also, this board seems to be populated by a more articulate crowd than you sometimes see. Just the place I'd like to be!

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Fri Aug 14, 2009 6:49 pm

Thursday, Day 4--Good day. No late supper after I got home from class, just a glass of raspberry wine, then off to bed.

Can't believe that tomorrow is an S day. Now that I'm keeping my coffee, I haven't really felt deprived at all, just odd moments like when I had to remind myself not to have a sample of peach at the grocery store. Maybe one day when I have the whole program under my belt more securely, I could try glass ceiling with coffee instead of liquor. 2 cups a day. That would be a start, but I'm not going to worry about it now--thank you, Janie!

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Fri Aug 14, 2009 10:10 pm

I think I can do this, but have one problem. I like to drink several cups of coffee laced with creamer and Splenda during the day, particularly in the morning. I can't drink black coffee, or at least I don't want to. Drinking the coffee is comforting and energizing, which I need because I'm so not a morning person but have to get up early with my children (5:30 to make the school bus). I have no idea how to give this up.

Buttercream - don't agonize over your coffee, and don't give it up! Enjoy it, and enjoy following NoS too! I, too, love my coffee and would probably ditch any way of eating that said I couldn't have it! lol
I have two cups in the morning (with cream and Splenda), one after my evening meal, and sometimes one in the evening while I'm grading papers (I'm a middle school teacher) or relaxing. I'm losing weight - slowly, but losing all the same. I'm a happy NoEsser! I hope you will be too.
Stick with it, and make sure you're eating enough to hold you from meal to meal. I actually eat more now at mealtimes than I did when I was a WW or on countless other diets. I've lost 7 pounds since I started on April 30 - roughly 2 pounds a month - but I haven't suffered at all, and even enjoyed two recent vacations. Now, on what other kind of diet can you do that?

Mimi

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Sat Aug 15, 2009 3:17 am

Thank you, Mimi! I'm so glad to hear that you are drinking your coffee and losing, too! As I'm doing No S now, with coffee, it's the perfect diet. It almost seems like too much to hope for that it could also help me lose weight. Don't tell the weight loss fairy, but I could practically be happy just maintaining, even though I weigh about 30 pounds more than I should. I have only known two states in my life: dieting and losing, or much more often, gaining uncontrollably. With No S, I feel like I could happily do this for the rest of my life.

Your comment about eating enough at meals is well taken. When I tried this back in January, I wasn't eating enough so I felt crazy when I was hungry and couldn't eat. I'm eating enough now, and it's much better.

Thanks for stopping by, Mimi, and for your encouraging words!

Bushranger · Post by **Bushranger** » Sat Aug 15, 2009 5:23 am

Coffee never made anyone fat. All the sugar, milk and cream plus the half a dozen biscuits that goes along with the coffee on the other hand....

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Sat Aug 15, 2009 12:03 pm

As I'm doing No S now, with coffee, it's the perfect diet. It almost seems like too much to hope for that it could also help me lose weight. Don't tell the weight loss fairy, but I could practically be happy just maintaining, even though I weigh about 30 pounds more than I should. I have only known two states in my life: dieting and losing, or much more often, gaining uncontrollably. With No S, I feel like I could happily do this for the rest of my life.

It's so true that NoS is the perfect diet. At times it seems too good to be true for me. It is, literally, the diet where you can have your cake AND EAT IT too! The weekends are so nice to look forward to where you can eat special sweets, or snacks, or even seconds, if you like.
When I started, I was 30 pounds overweight - or at least 30 pounds above the number that I thought I wanted to be. Now, I have decided to let my body be the judge of the weight it needs to be. So, I weigh at the start of each month to track progress (and last month recorded measurments because I believe I'm losing more inches than pounds). After that I don't think about the scale. I eat three meals a day and go about my life in a VERY peaceful state. I prepare meals from my real cookbooks (I gave away all the lo-fat, lo-carb, sugar-free, etc. ones) and enjoy eating them.
I've had several red days back in May, but they made me feel really bad - plus, at the time, I was trying to add mods to NoS. I learned that I can't do that, so I practice straight vanilla NoS now.
I had my first *over-the-top-wild-S-day* last Saturday where I ate entirely too much. It was my precious little granddaughter's second birthday party and my daughter had a carnival theme with far too many goodies. My SIL is also an expert man on the grill, and the chicken, burgers, and dogs were out of this world. I felt badly, but marked it as an S day, and moved on. We're not to worry so much about excesses on S days.
Whew! This is beginning to ramble. What I want you to be mindful of is that losing weight with NoS happens very slooooooowly. Be patient and it will happen. If you can lose 2 pounds a month, look what that adds up to in a year's time!
Good luck with your NoS journey! Keep posting!

Mimi

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Sat Aug 15, 2009 7:12 pm

Bushranger, you're right--it's not the coffee, it's the frills!

Mimi, yes, 2 pounds a month IS very slow. That may take some getting used to. I can't decide if I want to weigh on the first of the month and just struggle to stay away from the scale at other times, or if I just want to give away my scale and only weigh when an opportunity presents itself (which is rarely). I really think I'd do better at giving away the scale--I tend to be a compulsive weigher.

Reading Kathleen's check-in has been valuable for me as I'm getting started. It's obvious that she struggles with the whole thing and weighs about every day, and that seems to give her grief. But her journal is so long that you can see that she is losing weight, just so slowly. That gives me hope that I can, too.

Another thing that helps me is when I get encouraging messages like yours, Mimi. It's wonderful to hear from people who are happy No Essers! Thanks for visiting!

buttercreampillow

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Sat Aug 15, 2009 10:56 pm

Mimi, yes, 2 pounds a month IS very slow. That may take some getting used to. I can't decide if I want to weigh on the first of the month and just struggle to stay away from the scale at other times, or if I just want to give away my scale and only weigh when an opportunity presents itself (which is rarely). I really think I'd do better at giving away the scale--I tend to be a compulsive weigher.

I have a very bad relationship with the scale (weighing previous to NoS would always send me into a tailspin - regardless if the number was pleasing or not!) I would sometimes weigh several times a day!
Reinhard suggests in the book not to use the scale as your only metric. Last month I took some basic body measurements because I suspect that I am losing inches by the way my clothes are fitting these days. He says to weigh at the same time for three days and take an average to get a true weight. I keep a Habitcal for weighing and mark the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd or each month green for weighing. If I were to step on the scale at any other time during the month, I would have to mark a red day. It's been working for me. The Habitcal is a very motivating little gadget! I feel very *free* for the rest of the month. During that time I focus on my habits.
I made a rather lengthy post in the August challenge when I was disappointed with my weight lost for July, but then I made a list of my accomplishments - many things to feel good about. Take a look at them sometime. It might be helpful.

Mimi

howfunisthat · Post by **howfunisthat** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 12:21 am

I don't weigh myself...ever. I've been disfunctional about food all my life & the numbers just depress me too. The last time I saw the numbers I was at my dr's appointment & I knew I was going to cry if I stepped on the scale. I was already really emotional that day & struggling to stay afloat. I told the nurse I didn't want to be weighed, but if the dr. insisted, I would come back out and be weighed. This was for a pap, not my general physician. She just wouldn't back down...and, certainly there are reasons why they would need my weight, but I really hadn't changed much since the last appointment. She just would not give up badgering me....not even after I TOLD her I would cry. I finally gave in and the tears started...and would not stop. I had big, ugly elephant tears rolling silently down my face. What she didn't understand is that when you are dealing with someone who has had a background of eating disorders & diet obsession, the scale is not the most important thing in life. She just didn't know what to say as I cried. When I went to "fill the cup", I heard a faint little, "I'm sorry".

Now, I have no idea why I went on & on and blabbed about that story! Sorry! I really just meant to agree that the scale is not the most important thing...the fact that we are being changed from the inside out & learning to eat normally is truly the best gift!

Have a great evening!
janie
aka: The blabber

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 5:02 am

Mimi, I checked your post under August Challenge, and you're right--you do have several really good things to report. I'm guessing "diet head" is that voice that tells you that you should go on another diet, right? Or is it that voice that tells you not to eat what you want? Either way, getting rid of that voice sounds great!

Also, I like your idea of putting weighing on the Habitcal. That would be a way of getting some control over the scale. I think if I hang around here long enough, I could have dozens of charts on the Habitcal!

Janie, I'm so sorry you had that bad experience at the doctor's! Your doctor sounds like an insensitive clod. I hope she learned her lesson and won't put you through that again. You're right--the most important thing is that we are developing a normal relationship with food. The fact that we're losing some weight (or hoping to!

) is just icing.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 5:11 am

Ok, here's a report on my first S day:

No breakfast (woke up late).
Lunch: quiche, pasta salad, roll (all on one plate).
Coffee milk in the afternoon.
Supper: cheese and crackers before supper, then tuscan chicken, tomato pie, and green beans. Fruity popsicle for dessert. A handful of nuts.

I wouldn't exactly call that an S day gone wild, though I did eat more than I would on an N day. On an N day, I wouldn't have had the cheese and crackers or the popsicle or the nuts. I guess that's not too bad. Or maybe I'm doing this all wrong....maybe the whole point is to just eat what I want and not record and second guess myself.

I'm finding the freedom of S days to be a little alarming. N days are easier because they're so clear cut--S days are too ambiguous!

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:37 am

Day 7 - Another S day. I won't even post what I ate, so that I don't freak out, but will just say by way of memorandum that we ate at Macaroni Grill after church, and DBF had us over for corned beef and cabbage for supper. Also, I had some wonderful figs in the evening.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 12:31 pm

buttercreampillow wrote:Mimi, I checked your post under August Challenge, and you're right--you do have several really good things to report. I'm guessing "diet head" is that voice that tells you that you should go on another diet, right? Or is it that voice that tells you not to eat what you want? Either way, getting rid of that voice sounds great!

Also, I like your idea of putting weighing on the Habitcal. That would be a way of getting some control over the scale. I think if I hang around here long enough, I could have dozens of charts on the Habitcal!

Janie, I'm so sorry you had that bad experience at the doctor's! Your doctor sounds like an insensitive clod. I hope she learned her lesson and won't put you through that again. You're right--the most important thing is that we are developing a normal relationship with food. The fact that we're losing some weight (or hoping to! ) is just icing.

Yes - *diet head* is that voice within that is constantly chattering and berating you about how you deal with food and eating. My own personal diet head never shut up...until I discovered NoS, that is!

About using HabitCal...don't try to work on establishing too many habits to start with. Pick one or two and get them firmly down before adding others.

Janie, I visited an insensitive cloddy doctor once who was poking and prodding my soft belly area for possible pain (after three children it never quite was the same) as he questioned, "Anything here? Anything here?" To which I finally responded, "No, just flubber." He then said, "Well, I thought it, but YOU said it!"
I never went back to that office again, besides, I was there because I was very sick, not because I was seeking advice about how to lose 30 pounds.

Buttercream, also, don't feel that you have to record menus for S days if they make you feel uncomfortable. S days are to be enjoyed!

Mimi

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:32 pm

Thanks, Mimi. I have three charts now on Habitcal: No S, urban ranger and weigh in. That's all for now.

I vacationed in Virginia this summer. We went to Roanoke and Abingdon. Lovely country and a great time!

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 6:06 pm

Those are the same three that I maintain!

And they're enough for right now!
I'm glad you enjoyed your time in Virginia. That part of the state is beautiful. We're a few hours north of Roanoke - both my son and son-in-law graduated from Virginia Tech (in Blacksburg - not far from Roanoke).
We've have many nice vacations in Tennessee - my favorite is visiting Dollywood in Pigeon Forge! We've been there many, many times!

Mimi

howfunisthat · Post by **howfunisthat** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 6:14 pm

Buttercreampillow & Mimi...

Speaking of VA and TN. I'm driving to VA tomorrow to drop my son at college...and we used to live in TN. Small world.

VA is a beautiful state. I've spent a couple vacations there with my sister and I'd enjoy another vacation there any time. It's lovely.

We lived in Memphis, TN for about 7 years and I still miss really great ribs. They were just simply the best.

Have a great day you two...janie

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 6:30 pm

And to make a small world even smaller...
I was born in Brooklyn, New York and lived on Long Island for awhile.

How about that!

Mimi

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 6:43 pm

Oh, dear! I can't complete the circle--I've never been to New York, although I'm dying to go!

howfunisthat · Post by **howfunisthat** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 10:46 pm

NYC is a great place to visit! I've only been there twice though. Once you get about 2 hours away from the city it's like a different world. I live in a town of about 1,000 people...no stop lights...no gas station. We live upwind from two dairy farms & have deer & coyotes in the hills near the house. Nice ski hills are just 10 mintutes away & we shovel about 150" inches of snow off our driveway every winter. It's definitely not city, but we love it.

Who knows...maybe someday there will be a No-S reunion party & we'll actually get to meet!

Have a great day!
janie

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Tue Aug 18, 2009 4:30 am

Janie, NYC is probably wonderful, but your little town sounds pretty great. I don't know what I would do with all that snow--probably become barricaded inside my house and starve to death. Oh, well, at least I'd die skinny!

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Tue Aug 18, 2009 4:42 am

Day 8 - Success, but I'm wishing I could be eating now. I studied all day, frantic that I wouldn't be prepared for class. Then the classes were so confusing that I feel hopelessly lost and defeated.

Foodwise, I ate three squares and had my supper in the hour before class at 6:30. I licked the spoon when preparing lunch, which was technically a failure, but I think I'm going to give myself a break this time. Am I being a jerk?

howfunisthat · Post by **howfunisthat** » Tue Aug 18, 2009 9:20 am

LOL....No, you are definitely NOT a jerk! We all need a break once in awhile. As long as the spoon wasn't a ladle, I do believe you're doing just fine!

Have a great day...janie

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Tue Aug 18, 2009 11:47 am

Once you get about 2 hours away from the city it's like a different world. I live in a town of about 1,000 people...no stop lights...no gas station. We live upwind from two dairy farms & have deer & coyotes in the hills near the house. Nice ski hills are just 10 mintutes away & we shovel about 150" inches of snow off our driveway every winter. It's definitely not city, but we love it.

Yes, I know! Upstate NY looks very similar to Virginia. My dad lived in Owego (right outside of Binghamton) up until he passed away.

Success, but I'm wishing I could be eating now. I studied all day, frantic that I wouldn't be prepared for class. Then the classes were so confusing that I feel hopelessly lost and defeated.

When I went through grad school (at the ripe old age of 46!) my mantra to get through the tough times was, "And this too shall pass...and this too shall pass...and this too shall pass!" It worked. Law school would be ten times more difficult, I'm sure! Be kind to yourself!

Mimi

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Tue Aug 18, 2009 5:15 pm

Janie and Mimi, thank you so much for your kind words! I like Habitcal, but I'm finding my daily check-in to be so motivating, due in large part to the encouragement I get here.

Ok, it wasn't a ladle, just a spoon with a coating of pesto on it. When I licked the spoon, I thought, "well, that would fit on my plate," but I know that isn't the point. The point is that it WASN'T on my plate. Thanks, Janie, for reassuring me!

Mimi, I am at the ripe old age of 44. Since I'm doing a night program, I have three more years of law school. It IS very hard. Everyone tells you that it gets easier after the first year, but so far, I'm not having that experience, even though I modestly say that I am a good student. Everywhere I go, I look at other people and think, "Why do I have to be divorced? Why do I have to be doing something so hard? Why can't I go back to being a happy, stay-at-home mother?" Well, that may be TMI. Sorry.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 5:06 am

Green day! Yay! Tonight after supper, when we were making lunches for tomorrow, the boys were trying to get me to try some new potato chips. I have always found it difficult to resist snacking on chips and cookies while I pack lunches. "Just try a little one," Twin A said, while waving a chip beneath my nose. "Just count it as a fourth meal," said Twin B, while stuffing a handful of chips into his mouth. I complained, but I did not eat any chips!! Yippee!

Other than that, this was an unremarkable day. Studying, doing urban ranger, making pasta with vodka sauce for dinner--just your basic mom stuff. I have been enjoying some black mission figs with my meals lately. I want to plant a fig tree in my backyard. Maybe this fall.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 11:36 am

Mimi, I am at the ripe old age of 44. Since I'm doing a night program, I have three more years of law school. It IS very hard. Everyone tells you that it gets easier after the first year, but so far, I'm not having that experience, even though I modestly say that I am a good student. Everywhere I go, I look at other people and think, "Why do I have to be divorced? Why do I have to be doing something so hard? Why can't I go back to being a happy, stay-at-home mother?" Well, that may be TMI. Sorry.

Not TMI and DON'T be sorry! Life circumstances directly affect our relationship with food and what we do with it. We're here to support each other in our efforts battling all these dragons!
I, too, was 44 when I began grad school and 46 when I finished. It wasn't easy teaching school full time, keeping a household with 3 children, and trying to study. I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be to be doing it as a single mom. You have my greatest respect...and my support as you go through it!

Mimi

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 2:55 pm

I wouldn't exactly call that an S day gone wild, though I did eat more than I would on an N day. On an N day, I wouldn't have had the cheese and crackers or the popsicle or the nuts. I guess that's not too bad. Or maybe I'm doing this all wrong....maybe the whole point is to just eat what I want and not record and second guess myself.

You are doing this all RIGHT! And reading through your thread it sounds like you are becoming more comfortable with no S, which is great.

I'll be following you and cheering for you along with the others!

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 4:47 pm

Thank you, Mimi and Vigilant! It's so nice to check my computer and find such encouraging messages. I love this board!

Yes, I definitely think that the quality of my life directly affects my eating habits. When I was studying for finals last spring, I found myself downing bags of gummy bears as I sat on the sofa and studied. Over time, I ate something along the lines of 9 big bags! I was so nervous about finals, and I released my nervous energy by chomping on chewy sugar. I really hope I don't fall into that bad habit this year. Fortunately, we don't have any more gummies in the house (because I ate them all

), so I can't start the same thing this year unless I make the conscious decision to buy them at the grocery. Hopefully it won't come to that. (Amazingly, eating all that sugar didn't make me sick or jumpy or anything, except fat!)

Thalia · Post by **Thalia** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 4:58 pm

maybe the whole point is to just eat what I want and not record and second guess myself.

You've got it! Isn't it wonderful?

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 2:52 am

Hi, Thalia! Thanks for the encouragement and for visiting! Yes, it IS wonderful!

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 3:01 am

Day 10 - Success!

I only had two meals today, though it wasn't intentional. I feel free to have another now, but what I want, a sweet, isn't on the menu, so I guess I'll just skip. I don't plan to make this a habit.

After missing my walk in the morning, I made myself walk in the evening, like I did yesterday. I've never done that before. Usually if I miss my walk, I just forget about it until the next time. So I feel pretty good about going by myself tonight.

I've also noticed that I'm eating fruits and vegetables. Somehow, I feel like working them in when I know I can only have so much food. When I had to have them on WW, I ate them in tremendous portions, all the time just choking them down so I could mark them off my tracker. And I didn't eat the ones I liked best, I ate the lowest points ones only. This is so much better and gives me autonomy to choose my own food.

Good thing I have Weigh In on my Habitcal. I'm really feeling the urge to weigh, but I realize that would probably be counter-productive.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 11:22 am

Good thing I have Weigh In on my Habitcal. I'm really feeling the urge to weigh, but I realize that would probably be counter-productive.

See!? Isn't it funny how strongly motivating that little gadget is? No one wants to see that red!!

I've never used the Habitcal yet for any behavior that isn't directly linked to diet and exercise, but I can clearly see how beneficial it would be. If you scroll down through the list of tags, you can see it's being used for practically everything!

Maybe after a year or so, when I feel that I am firmly rooted in my habits, I'll branch out and use Habitcal for other things I want to work on. Right now, three Habitcals are all I can effectively handle (NoS., weighing, and exercise).

Have a great GREEN day!

Mimi

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Fri Aug 21, 2009 3:39 pm

Hi, Mimi!

Let's see, no check in last night--too tired after class. The last half hour of class my mind really checks out and I can hardly concentrate on what the instructor is saying. My notes from then are really sparse.

Yesterday was GREEN! I had a rather big lunch (all on one plate, though) at about 2 p.m., so when I got in from class (10:00 p.m.) I just had a plate of fruit as supper. That was enough.

Urban ranger yesterday and today! After forcing myself to walk every day this week, I feel I have earned my two exempt days.

I'm going out of town for a night on Saturday, which should be a nice break. We're staying at one of those wig wam motels from the 1950's--should be campy fun.

One more thing, I'm trying out putting whole milk in my coffee instead of fat free half and half. It may be a little less creamy, but not too bad. And that's a little less HFCS and carageenan in my life!

Added: I was just at the grocery trying to pick out some salami at the deli. Twice the deli man offered to give me a sample, and twice I REFUSED, even though I was hungry! Yay!

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Sat Aug 22, 2009 4:32 am

GREEN day! I was very hungry at about 4, so I drank a little milk and held out. It feels great to have five green days in a row.

Plus, I walked. Plus, our high school won the first game of the season tonight!

I'm worried about Kathleen. She hasn't posted in a few days, and that's not like her.

We had such a nice dinner: a cold plate of cheeses, salami, crackers and fruit, with Gewurtztraminer. It was wonderful and summery, and it looked like a picture arranged on the platter.

burnnotice · Post by **burnnotice** » Sat Aug 22, 2009 12:14 pm

Hi Buttercream pillow-

Do tell about the wigwam hotel when you get back! Enjoy your S days!

burn notice

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Sun Aug 23, 2009 4:53 pm

We had such a nice dinner: a cold plate of cheeses, salami, crackers and fruit, with Gewurtztraminer. It was wonderful and summery, and it looked like a picture arranged on the platter.

Um, drooling over here!

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Mon Aug 24, 2009 2:53 am

Hello girls!

The wigwams were so cute, and so 50's. There were 15 of them arranged in a semi circle, all white with a red zigzag stripe. The room inside was circular; small, but clean. At night, some families sat around a bonfire out on the playground that was in the middle of the semi-circle. The office was the biggest wigwam, and the old neon sign out front said "Sleep in a Wigwam". Wigwam Village is in Cave City, Kentucky, close to Mammoth Cave, but you would swear you were on Route 66. Do you remember the wigwams that the cars slept in in the movie Cars? It was just like that.

(I have a photo I could post, but can't figure out how to do it. Help, anyone?)

Vigilant, that dinner was so good that even though I went away for the weekend, I didn't have anything nicer. Plus, figs were on sale at the grocery this week, so I got three more boxes.

We stopped at two wineries on the way home, something DBF and I both enjoy. One was in this guy's garage, tastings by appointment only. But his wines were so good, much better than some we've had in pretty fancy surroundings. He was very knowledgeable and fun to talk to.

All in all, a pretty good weekend! Back to N days tomorrow!

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 5:39 am

GREEN today!

I keep trying out ways of handling my class nights, and so far I've figured out the following: 1) I want to put something in my mouth when I get home from class, whether it's a meal or a glass of wine; 2) it's too long to go without food from lunch at about 2 p.m. until late supper after class at 11 p.m.; 3) if I eat a substantial meal after class, it's too much and too filling too late at night, but if I only eat 2 meals that day, I really want a substantial meal; 4) even though I get up early, there really isn't time for three meals on class days since I leave for class at 4:30; 5) if I take a bag supper, I could eat between classes, but it would be very rushed since I only have 10 minutes, or I could eat at school before the first class in the hour I have before class starts, but I'm not crazy about bagged suppers and since I've been doing No S, I want my meals to be a source of enjoyment and pleasure.
Whew! That's a lot of facts--but how do I put them together into some kind of plan? I've got to think about this. Tonight I just ate breakfast and lunch and then ate supper after class, but it really didn't feel good to eat a meal so late. Plus, I seem to have lost my appetite for potato chips--the ones I ate with supper were kettle chips, which I love[d], but they seemed way too salty, just like the ones I ate a couple of days ago.

Oh, and here's something I borrowed from Blithe Morning (I need to remember to ask her permission):

My metric for special days:

A) How often does this event happen?
(1)Regularly (2)Yearly (3)Once every two years or more.

B) Who is involved?
(1) People I know casually (2)People I consider close friends (3)Near family

C)How meaningful is this event to me personally?
(1)Not very (2)Some (3)Quite a bit

Urban ranger -- GREEN!
Not weighing -- GREEN!

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 2:55 pm

1) I want to put something in my mouth when I get home from class, whether it's a meal or a glass of wine; 2) it's too long to go without food from lunch at about 2 p.m. until late supper after class at 11 p.m.; 3) if I eat a substantial meal after class, it's too much and too filling too late at night, but if I only eat 2 meals that day, I really want a substantial meal; 4) even though I get up early, there really isn't time for three meals on class days since I leave for class at 4:30; 5) if I take a bag supper, I could eat between classes, but it would be very rushed since I only have 10 minutes, or I could eat at school before the first class in the hour I have before class starts, but I'm not crazy about bagged suppers and since I've been doing No S, I want my meals to be a source of enjoyment and pleasure.

Could you eat your substantial meal as your lunch and brown-bag it for supper? Just switch the two meals? That's our pattern on Sunday's...big meal after church and sandwiches and what-not for supper.
Or, eat your *lunch* at breakfast, substantial meal, again, at regular lunch time, and breakfast items at school (hard-boiled eggs, sandwiches, bagels and peanut butter, etc.)?
Just some thoughts - but I think you're correct in realizing that going from 2 P.M. until 11 P.M. is risky and far too long to wait to eat.
Someone is bound to come up with some good ideas to help you!

Mimi

burnnotice · Post by **burnnotice** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 3:40 pm

Thanks for the details on your lovely wigwam trip. I'll have to look into these as they might be a fun road trip for DS (8 yo). We watch "Cars' rather regularly.

For days with a class, would you space out 4 meals? Eat a quick brown bag between classes and then another small meal when you get home? Or as it gets colder, would hot chocolate or steamed soy milk be enough when you arrive home on a class night?

Best of luck deciding how to proceed.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 5:14 pm

Thank you, Mimi and burn notice!

Mimi, your point that I shouldn't go from 2 to 11 without a meal is well taken. And burn notice, I'm attracted to your idea about hot chocolate or steamed milk. If I combined the two ideas, I would have two meals before leaving for class and take some kind of brown bag to school to eat either before classes or between them. I think the key is going to be finding something that I really like for the bag supper--otherwise, I feel cheated. Then when I get home, I need to have something I really enjoy, like cocoa when it's cold or maybe a glass of wine. Food is very important to me, and now that I'm eating what I like, I want every meal to "count," meaning to be good.

Thanks for your input! Starting good habits means also breaking some bad ones.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Wed Aug 26, 2009 5:04 am

No S - GREEN!
Urban Ranger - GREEN!
No Weighing - GREEN!

I really want to weigh!!

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Thu Aug 27, 2009 4:10 pm

Yesterday was all GREEN! No S, Urban ranger, and no weighing. Yay!

I have class tonight and will be trying some kind of brown bag supper. I'm guessing figs (my current obsession) and maybe cheese and crackers? I know I don't want PB & J. I'll report on how it went tonight.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Fri Aug 28, 2009 4:43 am

GREEN day, all the way around.
This is getting boring and predictable!

I've thought that maybe I should post less, and read this site less in an effort to make this seem less like some kind of "program" that I'm on, and more like my natural way of eating. But I feel a bit nervous about that, so maybe I'm not ready yet. I actually felt a bit alarmed when Reinhard said that he'd rather take down this site than see it degenerate into a contentious mess. "But I just got here, and I need this!" is what occurred to me. Fortunately, he hasn't said anything else about that.

The brown bag thing went well tonight. I enjoyed my brown bag supper at 6, and I told myself that when I got home I would have a glass of wine. I think the key to the brown bag deal is to make sure I'm packing something I really like, otherwise, I feel cheated. Duh--what a brain wave!

Interestingly, the eating problem I have struggled with for the past 20 years, the desire to binge in the evening, is practically gone. And I've only been doing this for 2 and a half weeks. I don't even think about it any more. I was drinking my wine when it hit me, "I'm not eating, and I don't care!" Amazing!!

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Sat Aug 29, 2009 5:35 am

GREEN day today, and day 19 of No S'ing. I could count this as day 21, but since my first two days of the diet were a Saturday and Sunday, I have chosen not to count them. 2 more days and I'll be in the 21 Day Club!

My enthusiasm for No S is so high--I haven't had any red days yet--that I'm a little afraid of what will happen when I get tired of checking and rechecking the website and marking the habitcal. I really hope I can maintain the good habits I've begun.

I went out for lunch today, and I was a little anxious not to have one of my own plates. I had a huge square plate instead. There was a lot of white space, so I think everything would have fit on my plate at home, but I can't be sure. I tried to think in terms of the virtual plate, but that brought up a lot of very anxious feelings about having to decide when I was full, a former diet which I completely failed at. In the end, I just ate everything, and I didn't feel uncomfortably full, so I guess it was okay, but I would have felt so much safer eating at home. But I've got to master eating in restaurants, or I'll become unhappy with No S and will eventually fail. I love eating out. Somehow I've got to figure this out. Could I ask for a smaller plate from the kitchen? Or draw an imaginary line on the plate to make it smaller?

No S - GREEN
Urban Ranger - GREEN, even though it was raining and we had to walk in the gym, which I hate.
Not Weighing - GREEN

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Sun Aug 30, 2009 3:36 am

Day 20! Closing in....!

No S - EXEMPT
Urban Ranger - EXEMPT
No Weighing - SUCCESS

No major S'es today--just some figs. I did eat out for lunch and dinner, which was kind of an extravagance, but even then I stuck with one reasonably sized plate at both meals. For supper I had fried oysters at Cajun Steamers, which were delicious, tender little pillows of oyster goodness!

Unfortunately, nutrition was out the window today. I don't think I had a single vegetable today, and the only fruits I had were blueberries for breakfast and the figs as a snack.

I'd like to do better tomorrow. Maybe I can have a salad for lunch.

Today was a special day for my DBF and me! More on this in the coming days....

gratefuldeb67 · Post by **gratefuldeb67** » Sun Aug 30, 2009 6:21 am

Your day sounded great to me Buttercreampillow!
I love fried oysters and blueberries and I think figs are one of my all time fave fruits!!
YUM!!!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend

Debs

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Sun Aug 30, 2009 7:37 pm

So excited for you! So close to 21 days!

You are smart to recognize that you'll have to come up with some system for being comfortable at restaurants, otherwise you'll start to feel anxious/resentful and abandon the plan. Please share your solution when you come up with it, because I and very likely others could benefit from it.

Right now I am pretty lax at restaurants...

Thanks for the reassurance that the "will I always be this way?!" thoughts can indeed fade over time.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Mon Aug 31, 2009 5:09 am

I'm so tired. Didn't get to sleep in once this whole weekend.

No S - GREEN
No Weighing - GREEN
Urban Ranger - Should have been exempt, but I just felt like walking, so it was GREEN

Zzzzzzzzz.......

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Mon Aug 31, 2009 2:55 pm

I was too tired to post last night that I am now in the 21 DAY CLUB!! I have now No S'ed for 21 straight green days!

Also, I think I'll add something new to Habitcal. I have never been very good at reaching out to people. At the current time, I have a friend who is very ill with cancer, and another friend whose 5 year old son has a malignant tumor. I am not being the friend to them that I should be since I don't call or visit enough--I just let myself get wrapped up in my own concerns. This is not the kind of person I want to be. So I'm going to put Reach_Out on the Habitcal, and every day I will make a contact (or try) with someone I care about--calling, visiting, writing, taking food, even just dropping an email. I feel nervous about doing this, even though it's something I really need to do. I guess I'm afraid I'll fail. If you fail on your diet, you only fail yourself. But if I fail to reach out to people who need kindness and encouragement, I will be failing a lot of other people.

buttercreampillow

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Mon Aug 31, 2009 3:39 pm

You're a kind soul.

Just a thought--take it or leave it: if you are nervous about this new resolution and afraid you'll fail others, how about aiming for something a little less demanding? Like resolving to reach out once during the week and once on the weekend? That way if you have a particularly busy or stressful week you can still attend to your concerns without feeling guilty that you've let someone down on top of everything else.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it brings you fulfillment.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Mon Aug 31, 2009 10:18 pm

What a beautiful goal Buttercream - the world needs more people like you. I echo Vig's sentiments and advice exactly. Make your goals small, but yet doable, to begin with. See how that goes. Nothing is more demoralizing than having great intentions and failing on the first try. You know, if you all lived near me, you would be my friends! (Yeah, I mean you too, Vig! Did you hear me this morning as I left the garage?!)

Mimi

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 5:13 am

Mimi and Vig, thank you for your kindness. I think your idea about making this a twice a week thing is probably a very good idea. I would hate it if I failed and gave the whole thing up. Equally bad would be if it started to seem like a burden that I dreaded. I want this to be a reminder to show love to people, not to be a chore.

Mimi, I agree--I would love to have you all for my friends. I am sometimes tempted to tell a friend about the goings on on this board, but I'm afraid it would sound weird. But this board, and the conversations that go on here, are important to me.

Today was green, I think. I had a separate bowl of turnip greens at lunch, but they have so much pot liquor that they wouldn't go on my plate anyway. I'm counting it as green. I was mightily tempted to eat when I got home from class, even though I ate my brown bag supper at school, but I resisted. I haven't been tempted in quite a while.

No S - GREEN
Urban Ranger - GREEN
No Weighing - GREEN

Weigh in tomorrow! If the scale doesn't say something good, I hope I'm not too demoralized.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 3:31 pm

OK, so the scale didn't say anything good, and I'm demoralized.

According to the scale this morning, I haven't lost a single ounce. I haven't gained either, but I haven't lost anything. I was afraid this would happen. I haven't weighed in about 2 1/2 weeks, so I guess it could be said that I haven't given it long enough, but I was really hoping for some small loss, especially since I struggled so to keep off the scale.

NoelFigart · Post by **NoelFigart** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 3:41 pm

I don't know what your goals are, but if you're quite close to them (within 10 lbs or so) chances are very good, indeed, that you're looking at a much longer term before you're going to be able to check the scale for anything like an exciting number.

I'd encourage you to stay focused on habit for a LONG time first. I'm saying this as a total yo-yo dieter. Eating this way will get you to a healthy weight eventually, but yes, it'll take a long time, and chances are good it's going to be so slow you're not going to notice it much. The point is to change the habits for a LIFETIME, so the weight loss is neat and everything, but it's the habit that's gonna serve you until you're in your 80s.

That said, I know it's frustrating. We want reward for all our hard work, darn it!

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 4:00 pm

Thank you, Noel.

Actually, I'm about 30 pounds overweight. But after the previous post, I got a visit from Aunt Dot, so I guess that had something to do with my weight--at least I hope so!

Your advice about doing this for a long time is well taken. This is the best way to eat, and by far the best way to diet, since it's not really like a diet at all. You're right--I want to do this for a lifetime. I'll keep plugging away. In the meantime, I will weigh again on Wednesday and Thursday, then I'll be done for the month. I might better change my weigh in days in the future since this seems to coincide with TOM.

Thanks for your encouragement, Noel!

buttercreampillow

burnnotice · Post by **burnnotice** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 4:05 pm

Hi -

I'm having the same problem Buttercream pillow! I want results for my hard work & tough changes I've made in the past month. I too weighed today and realized that my female cycle probably just stymied a true reading of any weigh loss.

Hang in there! It is a scale and a number. It is going to eventually read out what you want it to!

Colleen

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 8:47 pm

Buttercreampillow,

When I get bummed by the scale, I look at other metrics. Measurements. How my clothes fit. Energy levels. Building habit! You can make real progress that doesn't show on the scale.

When I'm really bummed, I remember that holding steady is progress if the scale was going UP before.

I'm sorry you're disappointed, and hope you can get past it soon and give yourself credit for your progress.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Wed Sep 02, 2009 12:07 am

Colleen and KCCC, thank you. I'm feeling a bit better now. I had to go to the doctor today (well woman), so I also weighed on their big scale. I weighed 161.5, a little worse than at home!

Even though there was no loss, it's true that before No S, I was gaining. What's frustrating is that I'm doing so well on No S. My S days would hardly qualify as "wild," and all my N days are green. At first I was using a big dinner plate, but now more and more I'm using a smaller plate. I'm walking for 30 minutes every N day. But not only is the scale not moving, but I was forewarned because I can't feel any difference in my clothes.

I'm not quitting. All day I wanted to snack and snack because I'm failing at No S. But I'm not quitting. "Hear that, buttercreampillow? Not quitting!!"

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Wed Sep 02, 2009 1:07 am

Oh, but Buttercream, you're NOT failing at No S! Not losing weight does not equal failing the no S eating plan. I keep seeing this line all over the board lately about no S teaching a person how to maintain their weight first, and only subsequently how to lose weight. This is valuable indeed, especially for those of us that were gaining regularly before starting no S.

All I can do is echo the others: you are doing great, give it time, and you will figure out if you need to make any (sane!) modifications to your exercise regimen or specific nutritional choices in order to see the results you want.

You know, if you all lived near me, you would be my friends! (Yeah, I mean you too, Vig! Did you hear me this morning as I left the garage?!)

I did, Mimi! And I was just telling my husband tonight during our walk about how I genuinely consider you guys my friends and how valuable the community is on here. It's nice to hear that others feel the same.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Wed Sep 02, 2009 4:35 pm

OK, I had a bad day, but I'm moving on. I just erased a big paragraph describing exactly how much I ate and how it was technically green, but was still a lot of food. I guess I should just stop obsessing about it and move on.

I weighed again this morning, and the scale said 157.5. I guess Mother Nature did have a hand in my weight yesterday. I feel better.

Thank you, Vig, for being so thoughtful! I don't think I would be able to do this if it weren't for the kind people, like you, who encourage me.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:47 am

Better day No S-wise, but I fell off the wagon with walking!

However, I can't ignore the fact that I'm doing WAY better with the walking than I used to. Used to, any excuse (bad weather, walking partner absent, over-sleeping) would make me call it off. Now I'm walking most of the time. And I'll make tomorrow ALL green!

Apparently, not seeing something I like on the scale has a really bad effect on me, but I don't think I could go without weighing at all. It's hard enough to only weigh on the three first days of the month.

I did Reach Out yesterday like I intended. I called my friend with cancer. He's not doing very well.

howfunisthat · Post by **howfunisthat** » Thu Sep 03, 2009 12:31 pm

Buttercream,

Thanks for dropping by my check-in. I ended up not getting to the "Y", but I'm going this morning. One of my sons likes to go...the other needs to be dragged & I only have a window of opportunity because they only have childcare for my little girl at certain hours. Today, though, I'm leaving the boys behind & doing just what i want!

I'm with you - I have an awful reaction to the numbers on the scale. No matter if I've lost or not, just seeing numbers I don't like just throws me over the edge. I've decided never to weigh myself and it works for me. I'm not at the point where I'm close to my goal anyway. Perhaps when I'm closer I'll get on a scale, but that's a long time from now...and that's okay.

I'm so sorry your friend with cancer is not doing well. Cancer is so awful. I'm sure your phone call meant a lot to him.

Take care & have a great green day!

janie

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Thu Sep 03, 2009 5:20 pm

OK, I had a bad day, but I'm moving on.

Me too! Yesterday was like a bad dream, and today I'm ready to be moving on!
Like Janie, I'm at the point where I'm happier not weighing. I have something in the neighborhood of 20 more pounds to lose - but I keep reminding myself that this time it will be up to my body to determine what it should weigh - and it doesn't matter how long it takes. I can coexist with all kinds of foods and eating situations now, and that in itself is a miracle. I have good habits (3 meals, no snacks or seconds, no sweets)and I walk on my treadmill Mon. - Fri. I feel good about myself in general.
It doesn't really matter what the number on the scale says. I'm better off not knowing!

Mimi

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Fri Sep 04, 2009 4:53 am

Hi, Mimi and janie! Thanks for visiting! You're both right, of course; it's better not to weigh. After doing so well, the weighing just threw me right off course. In order not to weigh, I'd have to completely get rid of my scale--previous attempts to hide the scale or make it inaccessible haven't worked. I guess I could drop it off at my Mom's. My only fear is what would happen if I was gaining and didn't know it??

I guess I could figure it out from how my clothes fit, though. I'm not sure I can do this--it's so hard to give up the idea of weighing, even though I kind of hate it.

Green day today, and green on urban ranger, even though I didn't go as far as I usually do.

I am very distracted by what is going on between DBF and me, although it's a good thing. More on this in the future.....

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Sun Sep 06, 2009 3:27 am

What a day!

I was doing Ok, S day stuff, when I found out that my ex, who just got engaged last weekend, got married already. It was a big shock. I wasn't adjusted to his engagement yet, and I sure wasn't ready for his marriage. We've been divorced 2 and a 1/2 years. It threw me into sort of a tailspin, and I wound up drinking a beer and eating cheese, salami and cantaloupe. I guess it was okay because fortunately I found out on an S day--or maybe it would have been better to have found out on an N day so that I COULDN'T eat out of stress. Anyway, it wasn't really a major binge, just an early, and somewhat unnecessary dinner (since I wasn't really hungry), so I guess I'll just "mark it and move on."

I'll get used to the news in time. Since I have a kind and loving DBF, I don't even know why it shook me up so.

gratefuldeb67 · Post by **gratefuldeb67** » Sun Sep 06, 2009 4:17 am

Hey BCP

Cheese, salami, beer and cantaloupe are all fine.. Even on N days!
Sorry if you've been upset.
Feel better!

Debs

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Wed Sep 09, 2009 5:27 pm

Thank you, Debs. It's been a really stressful week. My DBF and I have been talking about getting engaged, and one of his teenaged daughters is REALLY resistant. Although he's been divorced for over five years, and we've been dating for two, his daughters (16 year old especially) want him to get back with their mother. That is NEVER going to happen, but the 16 year old can't see it. She is crying and protesting, and my attempts to reach out to her in a friendly way have only made things worse. It's a pretty awful situation, and I'm also having some problems with my own twin sons (teenagers also), but on another subject.

My walking partner has been out of town, which is not a good excuse, but what with the stress and everything, my urban ranger hasn't been good. In a week, she goes out of town for another week. My eating conforms to the letter of No S, but not really to the spirit, and certainly not to the level it was before all this.

The sad thing is that this should be a happy time in my boyfriend's and my life--a time when we are planning a life together and enjoying being in love. Instead, it's a stressful time when his daughter puts pressure on him to do what SHE wants, instead of what he wants for himself.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Wed Sep 09, 2009 6:54 pm

I'm so sorry that you're under such stress. What can you do to be nice to yourself right now?

From my perspective, stress-eating is just a misguided attempt at self-nurture. Under stress, it makes SENSE to nurture yourself - you need it. But we all know that eating too much just leads to more stress down the road. So... what can you do to widen your repertoire of self-nurturing behavior? Flowers just because, a nap, bubble baths, scented candles, time to read something you don't HAVE to read, time with friends, some indulgent craft supplies (and time to use them)... whatever makes you a happy camper. Or at least a happier camper.

If you can address "root causes and needs," food will go back to being... well, just food.

Sending TONS of good wishes your way.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 5:22 am

Thank you, KCCC, you are so kind. Your advice is good, and I gave it some thought.

One thing that nurtures me is to get out of the house and see people. Because I'm a student, I spend a lot of days holed up in my house studying, so it's a treat to go out for coffee or to shop a little bit (finances don't permit much in that way).

Another nice thing is to have a bubble bath with scented candles glowing nearby and relaxing music--gosh, I haven't done that in forever.

Especially if I read a well-loved book in the tub, I feel completely nurtured.

It's so great to be back to N days since the Labor Day weekend. My days felt not only stressful, but unstructured and chaotic. I prefer S days that are more like N days. To look at my messy house, you would never know that I love order and structure, but I really do. I find order calming and disorder nerve-wracking. No S gives me a sense of order at a very personal level.

I also want to report that so far I'm compliant with my Reach Out habit on Tuesdays and Fridays, and I'm finding it satisfying. I haven't done anything spectacular, just made phone calls and sent emails to people who are dealing with difficulties. I like doing it.

No S - GREEN
Urban Ranger - GREEN
Not Weighing - GREEN
Reach Out - (Yesterday) GREEN

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Fri Sep 11, 2009 5:22 am

GREEN day! Which means a good day, emotionally speaking. Even aside from the feeling of satisfaction because I was successful, it's such a pleasure for food to take its rightful place in my life. Not as the center of my world, but as just one nice part of my life. I'm hoping that by No S'ing for many months, that place will shrink and shrink until I never think about it. I think that by posting here often, I keep food at the center of my life, which isn't good, but I also think that at this point, I need to be here. Or maybe I just think I do. Or maybe I just think too much!

I walked today, even in the absence of my walking partner, so Yay Me! I really, REALLY didn't want to, plus it was hot by the time I was able to go, and I don't like the heat (strange for a Southern girl). But I told myself that I didn't have to go far, that I could just walk a little. And of course, after I got out there, I was able to go a little farther, and a little farther, and before I knew it I had walked the whole way. I won't concentrate on the fact that I have to lure myself along like a child, and just concentrate on the fact that I succeeded.

Also, I had the sudden feeling today that I have lost weight. It may be because I wore a pair of shorts that I think used to be too small, or maybe the mirror was just being kind to me today, but now I want to weigh. I'm going to switch to weighing on the 15th, 16th and 17th because weighing at the first of the month coincides with my special visitor.

No S - GREEN
Urban Ranger - GREEN
Not Weighing - GREEN
Reach Out - Exempt

Postscript: I think in the past, I used to take a grim satisfaction in forcing myself to eat boring or distasteful diet foods because I saw myself as needing to punished for being fat. That statement strikes me as so profound that I'm just going to think about that for a while.

burnnotice · Post by **burnnotice** » Fri Sep 11, 2009 8:29 pm

Hi Buttercream Pillow,

I have a coworker who told me the following although I have no idea where she got this info: in a divorce, a child will not begin to process that the parents are not getting back together again & possibly accept another life partner until they are twice the age they were at the time of the divorce. So the 16 yo was around 11 when the divorce started, so she might not give up the ghost on her parents getting back together until she's 22. It doesn't make the process any easier, but maybe it will help you remember how crazy teenagers are & then how self-focused they get in their early twenties....

Have a great weekend! Great job staying on track despite relationship issues.

Burn notice

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Fri Sep 11, 2009 9:48 pm

Thank you, Burn! That implies that the older they are at the time of the divorce, the longer it will take them to emotionally deal with it. I can see the logic in that. It doesn't help that the girls' mother, who is a counselor and should know better, encourages them to believe that she and their father will get back together. Given that fact, unhappy daughter might not give up her fantasy until she is 32, or 42, or 52!

I walked today, yay! After the walk, I came home and took a long nap, not so yay, but at least I walked.

I really want to weigh!

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Sat Sep 12, 2009 5:55 am

And I did weigh

so I get a red for the day. And the result wasn't even good.

Why do I do this?

No S - GREEN
Urban Ranger - GREEN
Reach Out - GREEN
Not Weighing - RED

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sat Sep 12, 2009 6:09 pm

Buttercreampillow,

Double points for talking yourself through walking when you didn't feel like it AND when you didn't have a partner AND when it was hot! Hm - sounds like triple points, doesn't it?

Sorry the scale was unkind. Ignore it a while - that'll fix it! Concentrate on those shorts that are fitting so nicely.

Also, I've been meaning to tell you that I totally, totally love your "reach out" habitcal. Very inspiring.

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 4:04 am

Thanks, KCCC! From some of your other posts, I can tell that you are a sensitive, thoughtful person. I'm always glad to see when you stop by!

Well, the big news is: (*drumroll*) DBF asked me to marry him and we are now engaged!!

We've been talking about this for a few weeks, and spent a week driving around town looking at diamonds, and tonight he got down on one knee and proposed. He is a wonderful man who I know will do everything in his power to make me happy. I'm so lucky!

He proposed at a Turkish restaurant that we both love, Anatolia. They have wonderful lamb and the best stuffed grape leaves I ever had. There was also this wonderful dessert named kunefe which was like a sweet little pie made of some kind of shredded wheat and stuffed with cheese. It sounds weird, but was actually so good. And we had a good bottle of white Turkish wine to go with it, crisp and somewhat flowery. Mercifully, it was an S day, so I didn't have to worry about food on this important evening.

What a happy day!

kwonset · Post by **kwonset** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 1:26 pm

Best wishes for a wonderful future together!

Grammy G · Post by **Grammy G** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 2:54 pm

I just read your entries from the first to the last and it was like reading a novel! I have been where you are going and I wish you well.
i think your "deal" with coffee is no deal at all! we need to rethink our " diet" mentality that has us second guessing every spoonful of everything we eat.. there goes the enjoyment! I don't think non-dieters face a meal in this manner. they enjoy ... they don't eat it just because it is there... I am seeing so much of me in your posts and it is helping ME!!
Here is a crazy coffee trick..in case that issue is one you can't let go. i discovered that I could enjoy black coffee..(here is the crazy part) if i drank it from a really delicate cup-and-saucer set! So i started from there. then someone told me that if you drink black coffee for six weeks, you will never go back...also worked! (Although not with Starbuck coffee..brewed so you need to add things)

howfunisthat · Post by **howfunisthat** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 1:36 am

Buttercreampillow...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I'm so very happy for you....congrats, congrats, congrats!!!!

janie

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 2:22 pm

What wonderful news! Best wishes for much happiness!

frugaltexan · Post by **frugaltexan** » Tue Sep 15, 2009 1:44 am

Best wishes on your new life journey! Woo hoo!

buttercreampillow · Post by **buttercreampillow** » Tue Sep 15, 2009 5:08 am

Thank you so much, everyone! I am bubbling about it everywhere I go, and showing everyone my ring! I am so blessed, and so blessed to have so many kind well-wishers!

Grammy G, I'm glad you have enjoyed reading my blog. I also like reading other people's and learn a lot from them. I agree with you that it's best to just get past the coffee issue--it had so much potential to hang me up, and worrying about it was definitely part of the "diet mentality." As for the black coffee, I would love to start drinking it that way, but I can't get past a day of it, much less six months! Grammy, have you started a blog yet? I will look for you.

Today was fine food-wise, but poor from the standpoint of maintaining a normal schedule. After driving the boys to school, I went back to bed and slept until noon.

That put me behind for my assignments for class tonight, so I was scrambling the rest of the day. Plus, I didn't eat my first meal of the day until 3 p.m., which made me hungry for the rest of the day. Sleeping late is my worst habit, and one I would love to overcome. I'm going to think about taking Not Weighing off the Habitcal and replacing it with Getting Up at 7. I hate the chaos of sleeping so late, but I am a champion sleeper and can sleep for 10 hours with no trouble at all, to the point that I get my days and nights turned around, and I'm staying up all night and sleeping half the day. The Not Weighing thing is giving me some stress, not making my life better and putting even more emphasis on weight loss. On the other hand, if Not Weighing isn't on the Habitcal, will I be weighing every 10 minutes and driving myself crazy? This is going to take some thought....

It is wonderful to think that for my second marriage, I can go in knowing that I won't be focused on dieting and food, but instead can act like a normal person for the whole marriage. My first husband would be jealous!

buttercreampillow

frugaltexan · Post by **frugaltexan** » Tue Sep 15, 2009 1:31 pm

If I didn't have to get up to go to work in the morning .... getting up and going would be really difficult. I'm a definite night owl who's been forced into being a morning person 5 days a week.

Good luck with changing your sleep pattterns. Maybe instead of shooting for 7 am straight away, start more gradually - say 10 am, and when you're successfully getting up and going by then, move up an hour.

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