Vigilant's Report

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Wed May 13, 2009 6:27 pm

Well, right about now the name "Vigilant" seems like a sarcastic joke. I have really gotten off course since starting a new job. To be honest, I was struggling even before the job started but was managing to hang on and keep my objectives in sight. At this point, though, it feels like starting from scratch, with the difference that my initial (naive) enthusiasm is gone. I now realize how hard this is going to be.

My problems are sweets firstly, snacks secondly; I won't even be worrying about "seconds"/portion sizes or detailed nutrition until I can get through the day without inhaling a box of Little Debbie. And I've GOT TO MAKE IT TO DAY 21!!! It's been months since I've launched no-S!

I haven't exercised in over a month. I know that even the most balanced and sophisticated routine isn't helpful if it isn't "do-able", so I'm going to start up again with a basic three days cardio/two days strength training/two days recovery system.

I get depressed by the amount of weight I want to lose. I know that I shouldn't be focusing on that, but on habits instead. I know, I know, I know. Just in a pit right now.

But nothing that some nice long walks and a few green days can't fix, eh?

Today is definitely a red day. So bad I'd call it crimson. It can only get better from here.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Wed May 13, 2009 7:41 pm

So much of what controls our eating stems from how we talk to ourselves - both out loud and inside our heads! Someone once asked me after I made a very negative remark about myself, "Would you allow your husband - or anyone for that matter - to say that to you?"
My answer was a resounding, "No! I wouldn't!"
And, of course, you know what's coming..."Then why do you allow yourself to say those things?"
After that I really started to listen to myself and make count of each time I told myself something negative. I immediately tried to change it to something positive. It has made a big difference.
Who was that famous person who said, "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you're right!"
Take it one day at a time. I've messed up already, and I've only been back with NoS since April 30, but I've just learned to be a little kinder to myself...and take one day at a time. I can do most anything for one day. And so can you!!

Mimi

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu May 14, 2009 1:39 am

Thanks, Mimi. Seems to be just what I needed to hear on a day like today. I *will* try to be kinder to myself and take it a day at a time. I've been playing with the idea of giving myself a reward at the end of the week every time I accomplish a green Monday-Friday, whether it's something for the house, a massage, or whatever. That should help me get through rough spots in the day and encourage self-care at the same time.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Thu May 14, 2009 11:46 am

That's a great idea! I did that last Friday - treated myself to a pedicure! We can do this...one day at a time!

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu May 14, 2009 12:42 pm

Cool, Mimi! I'm curious--do you tie your treats (like the pedicure) to good performance in the No-S arena as an incentive, the way I'm thinking of doing? If so, how is that working out?

Or are they regularly scheduled, or whenever you feel like it, or based around some other system?

Just gathering ideas.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Thu May 14, 2009 2:17 pm

Because this is not my first round with NoS (although I had great success with it and then strayed...)I decided to reward myself after my first successful week back (it was not easy for me to come back) by getting a pedicure. This week has not been as successful, as I have not been able to keep every day green, so perhaps scheduling weekly "treats or rewards" is a very good idea. I like that! I'll have to think of something to do for next week (providing I can keep M-F green! or maybe I should aim for no more than one slip-up). Don't need another pedicure yet - any ideas?

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu May 14, 2009 6:21 pm

Congratulations on your first week back! I know how hard it is to come back after straying--it's what I'm going through right now.

Hmm, rewards. Now that your toes are done, do you need a manicure, by chance?

I mentioned massage earlier because I've never had a professional massage, and my younger sister raves about them. Have you ever had a massage? Do you have any hobbies that you like to buy supplies for?

My husband and I just bought our first house and there is so much I want to do with the home and yard, so I'm going to tie home improvements to No-S. Like a green M-F would earn me the paint for our bedroom one week, curtains for the bedroom the next week, wall hangings after that, etc. etc., room-by-room until the house is done. My hope is that my living environment will reflect the positive changes going on inside me and serve as a constant reminder/motivator to stick with no-S. It also works in the sense that we cannot afford to fix up the whole house in one go, so doing it little by little in this way is better.

Let me know if you want to be "rewards buddies" and check in weekly with each other regarding rewards!

And thanks for writing to me.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Sat May 16, 2009 12:22 pm

I would love to be "reward buddies!" Great idea! Congratulations on your new home! That's so exciting! And your reward idea for "fixing up" your new home is fantastic - and very smart! It gave me an idea - next week if I have a green Mon.-Fri. I'm going to buy new flowers for outside. My husband is going to help me make a new flower bed. One of my sons gave me his usual geraniums for Mother's Day, but I haven't done anything with them because, believe it or not, it's been too cold at night - with frost on some, no less! I think I will investigate some "new and different" flowers that I've never had before! Thanks for the reward idea!
I love the idea of your living environment reflecting the positive changes that you are making - that's great!
Here's to a weekend with sensible S days and a totally green week next week, right? Right!

P.S. I usually don't get manicures very often because I never can seem to get them to last - I usually have a chip before I even get home and it makes me mad!

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Sat May 16, 2009 4:47 pm

Yay, I have a rewards buddy! This is awesome and very motivating! The reward I'm trying to earn this week is a bicycle. I haven't owned one since childhood, the weather is lovely now, we have trails all around, and I enjoy outdoor exercise the most.

And after that I'll start on the master bedroom makeover.

I'm kicking off another attempt to make it into the "21-day club" starting today. Starting on the weekend means I will at least make it to Day 3 no matter what, and hopefully the momentum will continue to carry me forward!

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Sat May 16, 2009 5:07 pm

Just some random observations I want to capture:

I've been missing the way that adhering to No-S makes me feel about dessert. When I fell off the wagon completely a couple of weeks ago and started eating sweets every day again, I wasn't enjoying them. In fact, I felt impatient to buy and eat my junk of choice--like a druggie itching for the next fix--and also furtive, embarrassed, and depressed. I hate these feelings! And in this druggie mode, when legitimate S-days did roll around and I could get treats "without guilt", they didn't feel special anymore. They just felt like excess, and in my mind they blended in with the rest of the stuff I had that week. One long stream of never-ending sugar. Nothing distinct, nothing memorable.

For me, at this stage, I think it would be best to have my treats outside the house in public. Or when I do have dessert at home, I should only bring the amount I need for the weekend into the house. It's too much temptation to have stuff lying around during the week.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Sat May 16, 2009 5:49 pm

I hear ya! Keep sweets out of the house - yup! That's my downfall too! In fact, just this week I succumbed to giant chocolate chip cookies left here after everyone was here for Mother's Day. I tried to send them home with my children and grandchildren, but couldn't get rid of all of them. I should have taken them to school and put them in the teacher's lounge - nothing lasts for more than 5 minutes in there! If there is a next time, that's what will happen! In the mean time, if I want a cookie or a brownie I'll go to 7-11 or Sheetz and buy one - just one - and enjoy it! Eating dessert everyday takes a lot of the pleasure out of it because it's not special anymore. On someone's post recently (blueskighs, I believe, commenting on S days gone wild thread) said that she and her husband get up on Saturdays, Sundays and special days, walk to the donut shop and pick out donuts. Then they walk to Starbucks and get their coffees and sit down and enjoy them. Makes a lot of sense! I can learn from that.
Mimi

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Sun May 17, 2009 2:42 pm

We could all learn from that!

Okay, so Day 2 on the way to Day 21. Gotta think of something really special as a reward for that third week....

bluebunny27 · Post by **bluebunny27** » Sun May 17, 2009 3:08 pm

I have some sweets in the house, I just don't have them very often. This is good, it builds up your confidence, this way you know you can handle it, you won't go nutz if you go somewhere and there are chocolate chip cookies. You can handle it just fine since you already had some at home but didn't eat the whole package within 2 days. It's like training yourself to think differently.

I've had a package of chocolate cookies that have been in the cupboard for 6 months and the bag is still not even half way done. I know they are there, but I am not *BOTHERED*, they are hardly a temptation actually, they make me laugh ... hard !!

... Anyway, that was my take on the whole thing. You can't clean sweep the entire house, I prefer to use my own discipline instead and in the end it makes me stronger and able to defeat the cookie monster inside me.

That's what I do, and it works for me, someone else can be doing just as well using the clean sweep approach instead of course.

Cheers !

Marc

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Mon May 18, 2009 4:58 pm

Stay green today vigilant2010 - there's a bicycle looming in the very near distance!

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Mon May 18, 2009 5:44 pm

Agggh I know! I've been thinking about it all day! Been telling myself, "self, you CANNOT screw up and then go slinking on the board and announce a failure! What would Mimi think?!" haha!

I will get through Day 3. I will I will I will.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Mon May 18, 2009 7:04 pm

Atta girl! Keep that in mind...what would Mimi think?! And I'll do the same - it helps to know there are others helping to keep us accountable.
Think Rangercycle...Rangercycle...Rangercycle...that'll be your mantra!
I'll have to study on the flowers - I do have some beautiful wild flower seeds from Colorado that I'd love to plant. After falling in love with them while out there last summer, my son ordered me seeds. And they're all different kinds...we'll see! But I need to make new flower beds!
I like your way of thinking - green week, green plants. We have a faculty meeting this afternoon and there will be snacks there. I'll keep reminding myself - green, green, green! Afterwards I can go home and fix a good supper and eat!
Thanks for your encouragement and your help!
Mimi

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Wed May 20, 2009 12:51 am

No Mimi, thank YOU for keeping me on the straight and narrow! Because of my reoccurring "what would Mimi think?" question, I have made it through the first two days of the week!

Now in all honesty, the plates have been pretty large and pretty packed, and I've eaten some things that I believe in the long run will be considered sweets in my version of no-s (mango lassi one day, made with very little sugar and a plain granola bar today with natural/no-sugar added peanut butter spread on top). But as of right now, having just come off of two weeks of binge eating, I'm counting both days as green despite these borderline foods. Maybe a weak, wobbly green, but green!

Those packets of wildflower mixes can be such fun. Hope you get some real gems out of them!

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu May 21, 2009 12:49 pm

Yesterday was green too, albeit another "wobbly" questionable green. I really don't want to stretch the rules and test the limits like this all the time, as it doesn't feel good (on a psychological level). But I'm chalking my less than perfect performance up to rustiness. My biggest problem is dessert, and I haven't had any this week, so that's what I find most important.

Gotta get through today and tomorrow, and then I can quit white-knuckling it for two days. Might have some dessert in public this weekend, but mostly I want to do some cooking. I'm too busy on weekdays and I miss having real, home cooked food, so I've got to allot some part of the weekend for food prep.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu May 21, 2009 12:57 pm

Stealing this idea from various others!

The Countdown to the 21 day Club:

May 16th: yellow
May 17th: yellow
May 18th: green
May 19th: green
May 20th: green
May 21st: green
May 22nd:green EARNED BIKE!
May 23rd: yellow
May 24th: yellow
May 25th: yellow--Memorial Day (big dinner)
May 26th:green
May 27th:green
May 28th:green
May 29th: green--EARNED BIKE ACCESSORIES
May 30th: yellow
May 31st: yellow
June 1st: green
June 2nd: green
June 3rd: yellow--->average weight June 1-3 indicates -5lbs since May's weigh-in
June 4th: green
June 5th: green

The second week (May 25-29) was kinda shaky. It involved one yellow weekday and all the other days would be better labeled as "greenish" than straight green. To be overly harsh, proclaim a failure, and start this 21-day trial over would be utterly demoralizing for me, so instead I'm going to earn an extra week of green before I post a victory on the 21 day club thread. So:

June 6th: yellow
June 7th: yellow-->EARNED CURTAINS
June 8th: green
June 9th: green
June 10th: green--------but I weighed myself
June 11th: green
June 12th: green
GOAL

This may be bending the rules but I need to keep up my momentum. And my greenish week was worlds apart from how I was eating two weeks ago. So there!

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Fri May 22, 2009 12:23 am

Whoa, HUGE dinner tonight but I am such a permasnacker that the seven hour stretch between lunch and dinner made me ravenous! Biggest triumph of the day was ignoring the siren call of junk in the grocery store today.

The meals will get smaller as I do.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Fri May 22, 2009 5:06 pm

Oh my goodness, Fridays are going to become my least favorite day of the week! I'm thinking "come ON, already, let the weekend arrive!" Isn't that perverse? It's a beautiful day outside and a long weekend is approaching and I'm not even craving any specific treat, but I just want the harness to come off and for my bike to be earned.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Fri May 22, 2009 5:32 pm

You're almost there...almost...a few more hours!

You can do it! Your 21 Club countdown looks awesome, too, by the way with all that GREEN! I'm proud of you Vigilant - you're doing it!

Mimi

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Sat May 23, 2009 5:44 am

YES, I did it! I went to a late movie and was happy for the distraction because I knew when I got out, it would be after midnight and my objective for the week would have been reached. So I've earned my bike and got through the first 1/3 of the 21-day trial.

Mimi, thanks for all your encouragement!

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Sat May 23, 2009 6:15 pm

Got a slice of chocolate cake and a slice of blueberry cheesecake from the local diner and brought them home for my weekend treat. Shared both with my husband, really enjoyed them, and feel satisfied!

What a contrast to sneaking and eating furtively. This is so much better.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Sat May 23, 2009 8:39 pm

Woo Hoo

Look at you girl

Keep it up

Mimi

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Mon May 25, 2009 4:46 pm

Note to self: Even on S days, you need to think before you eat. If too much of something is going to make you sick, DON'T OVERDO IT JUST BECAUSE YOU "CAN"! DUH!

Sunday, I ate these caramel/chocolate/pecan cluster things (among other stuff) from Trader Joe's until I developed a headache. If I had put them on a nice plate and given them my full attention while eating them, I don't think I would have had as many.

Glad Monday is here! This week I am attempting to earn sheer curtains for the living room sliding glass door.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Mon May 25, 2009 9:30 pm

If I had put them on a nice plate and given them my full attention while eating them, I don't think I would have had as many.

Next time you will know what to do Vigilant!
Curtains - what a great idea! Nice reward! I don't know what I'm working for yet...

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu May 28, 2009 12:08 am

Yesterday and today are only green in the sense that I haven't eaten sweets and haven't been permasnacking all day long. But as far as portion sizes or even sitting down to real meals and acknowledging what I'm eating?

The problem is that I'm lazy. I keep grabbing things like bread and butter or chips and string cheese for meals not because I actually prefer them to healthier fare, but because I don't want to prepare any *real* food. Prepping a pineapple earlier today felt like a gargantuan effort. I don't want to cook vegetables or handle fish (no, not even canned tuna) or wash dishes or do ANYTHING! If someone prepared the healthy stuff for me, I'd gladly take it.

Since I can't eat out for every meal, and I can't go on eating in this unsatisfying way which is bordering dangerously on grazing, I can only think of one solution to this problem: to spend one day a week preparing a bunch of things in advance. Even if it only took me halfway through the week and I ate stupidly the rest of the week, it would still be a major improvement. Maybe I can shoot for homecooked food M-W, and reasonable take-out or frozen convenience meals on Thursday and Friday.

I'm not talking about calories or even nutrition here, but rather the act of sitting down and eating real meals. I don't feel like I'm no-S'ing if I don't sit, focus, and use real dishes at mealtime.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Mon Jun 01, 2009 2:24 pm

Another weekend of overdoing it. It's starting to sink in that ingesting tons of sugar gives me a headache, so having a dessert free-for-all on the weekends is losing its appeal. All I have to do is make this weekend better/smarter than last weekend. And that's do-able!

The main thing is identifying EXACTLY what I want, and sticking with that. Most of the time, I scarf down two really satisfying things, and then three that are forgettable or downright icky.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Mon Jun 01, 2009 3:02 pm

We learn with time, don't we, and just keep trying to be better, Vigilant!
My reward ended up being a really cute pair of black sandals, which I am wearing today! It was a really good choice because they made me happy buying them, and now when I look down at my feet, I think about what I have to do to be green for the day!
Because the visual reminder is working, maybe a reward for having greens this week might be a piece of jewelry - inexpensive or otherwise...but maybe a bracelet or ring or necklace that I could easily see and be reminded about staying green. Hmmmm...might be an idea!
Have a great week! Talk to ya later!

Mimi

Thalia · Post by **Thalia** » Tue Jun 02, 2009 4:25 pm

You could get something with emeralds or jade, to keep you in the green.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Tue Jun 02, 2009 6:08 pm

Those S days are tough. I'm trusting that if I gain the habit of the N days, the S days will follow. You seem to be getting better! Go one week at a time, and honestly, if you keep it up it does get easier!! Reinhard said that if you keep it up, you'll eventually have a psychological ring of fire around the Ses. Not an exact complete quote, but very close.

Can you imagine... we may not even have to work at it!!! Wow!

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Tue Jun 02, 2009 11:06 pm

Mimi, glad to hear you treated yourself after all with the sandals.

The jewelry is a really good idea too, since it would be a visual reminder on your body--with you at all times. Very cool. How's the week going so far?

It's only Tuesday but I feel like pulling my hair out. I had a work meeting at a diner today. I had never been to this diner before, but they have scrumptious desserts on display as soon as you walk in the door. One display is a lighted refrigerated case that rotates. So evil! So you see these beautiful, mile-high, three layer cakes and meringue pies that reach the moon and gorgeous cheesecake first thing. I wanted to crash my head through the glass and take a big bite out of everything (today was a really stressful and bizarre day at work). Of course I proceeded to order a salad with grilled chicken and vegetables for lunch. I enjoyed it, but my crabbiness returned as I passed by the display case on my way out.

So I have made a mental note to go back to that diner this weekend. And possibly every weekend after that! Getting low-quality crap from the bakery section of my local grocery store means my s-days aren't as pleasurable as they potentially could be. And since I'm not totally satisfied with my treats, I end up eating MORE: trolling and trolling until I hit upon the real treasure of the weekend. By the time I "score" I have a headache from the excess.

Reneew, I so hope you are right and that things will get easier! I know it will never get easier if I don't stick with it long enough for the habits to take hold. Like you, my focus is mostly on the way I eat on weekdays. I'm trying to enjoy the weekends more, but that is a hedonistic pursuit that doesn't take much focus! Just a bit of reminding myself to go for the good stuff. Thanks for your comment & support!

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 12:54 am

I loved Thalia's idea of some kind of *green* jewelry! Awesome idea! Thanks Thalia! I'll have to look around for something over the weekend.
Make sure Vigilant that you do find exactly what you want for your esses over the weekends! Don't settle for less because you'll react exactly as you have been. I also went back and listened to Reinhard's podecast about S Days Gone Wild and it was a good thing to do.
This will take time for us, but we're in it for the long haul, remember - no more crazy diets, I'm so through with those, aren't you?
Talk to ya later!

Mimi

guadopt1997 · Post by **guadopt1997** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 1:02 pm

Vigilant2010 wrote: And since I'm not totally satisfied with my treats, I end up eating MORE:

OMG! That so explains some of my idiot days!

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 2:19 pm

Yep, we are in it for the long haul. I will pick my S's better going forward, especially since I've been exploring where the best stuff is to be found in my area. I moved to this town about six months ago but I'm still learning the region. Mimi, everytime you write about DQ I miss it! The closest DQ to me is in Jersey and I have to cross the bridge and pay a $5 toll just to get a $4 blizzard. Sheesh. That makes for one expensive blizzard.

Thalia's idea is fantastic! I love it! Now I want a sparkly emerald ring as a reminder!

That would make a great reward for a major milestone like sticking with No-S for a year or something.

Now it's stuck in my brain and I won't be able to let it go.

Guadopt, you and me both, and probably lots of other people too! I'm starting to see that it's not just what the dessert is that matters, but the conditions under which I'm eating it matter too. For example, even if I pick something really great, if I eat it in the kitchen when the kitchen is a mess, I can't enjoy it that well. So then I'll reach for something else to help me forget about my messy kitchen.

We're learning. It's gonna get better.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 2:58 pm

So sorry for you Vigilant! Yes, that is a very expensive Blizzard indeed! But keep exploring your new town and you're bound to find something that will take the place of your former ice cream treats! Sounds like that diner's desert display might have something that could be in the running!
I love your idea of a sparkly emerald ring as a No-S major milestone marker - great! I've got it in my head now too! Maybe we should start putting ideas in hubbies' heads for Christmas...for me that could mark 8 months of No-Sing and hopefully 16 pounds down! Love it!

Mimi

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 6:48 pm

I absolutely LOVE the sparkly emerald idea! I think I'll ponder that thought for a while and work it into my plan!!!

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 6:56 pm

Yup! It would be soooo motivating!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 6:58 pm

I think someone should do a post with that idea, so everone can see it!

O.K. ... I will! You don't have to twist my arm.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 2:11 pm

Thanks for doing that post, reneew. It really took off!

I have an emerald ring from high school that I have virtually never worn because I'm not fond of it. It was a thoughtful gift, but not my style at all. I'm wearing it today, though, on my pinkie because it no longer fits my ring finger!

Every time I look at it, I feel determined to earn an emerald that I adore by staying green!!!

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 2:33 pm

And the one you chose for your avatar is very elegant looking - nice and classy looking!

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 6:39 pm

Thanks.

*************************

Friday nights are still the worst, like nails on a chalkboard. I stayed up watching a documentary and at 12:05 a.m. on Saturday morning I had an ice cream cone in hand. Sounds sad, right? I think (hope!) this reaction will go away over time. I'm not going to overanalyze it right now. Just recording it for honesty's sake and moving on to the rest of my weekend. My only objective this weekend is to not overdo the sweets to the point of physical discomfort. Well, that, and not *sneak* anything...but I haven't been sneaking desserts for about a month now.

Itty bitty progress, but it's enough for me to stay motivated to keep going.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 8:50 pm

I love your avatar! It reminds all of us emerald wishers to stay green. I don't have any green rings other than my hubbies HUGE emerald class ring, and I'm not wearing that! It was cool 25 years ago, not now.

I then decided to just wear another ring on a different finger and it just bothered me. Hmmm... I'll wait for my emerald at half way.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:58 am

Thanks, reneew! I'm curious about what "halfway" is for you. Is it a certain amount of time, or halfway to a goal weight, or something else? I ask because I haven't decided how I'm going to earn the ring myself, exactly. I guess either one year of seriously sticking to the plan, or getting to my goal weight, whichever comes first (?). Either way, I have a loooong way to go.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:10 pm

Vigilant - if your goal weight might be farther away than a NoS significant anniversary, then why not go with an anniversary? If a year seems like too much to shoot for right now, then do 6 months of compliance, or 3 months. Set up a goal that is attainable to give you the ooompf to continue. Meet small goals and they will turn into big ones eventually.

Mimi

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu Jun 11, 2009 2:54 pm

Yeah, I'm sure the one year anniversary will happen sooner than the goal weight, so it will be for the anniversary. I'm actually feeling rather positive about it, and I've got an endless list of rewards, both large and small, to mark the the weeks and months in between.

Ummm, but I *did* weigh myself yesterday.

I had kinda forgotten about my commitment to not do that, since I haven't been tracking the behavior on my habitcal thread. I'm going to edit my thread now and re-commit to no more weigh-ins until July 1-3! Mimi, how are you doing with this?

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Thu Jun 11, 2009 7:29 pm

I have two habitcals - one for NoS compliance and the other for *weigh1st2nd3rddayofeachmonth* I marked June 1, 2, & 3 green and have left the rest blank. If I weigh before July 1, then I will mark it as a red day. So far I haven't been tempted to weigh. I really want to aim for focusing on behavior right now, and not weight loss. I read 3aday's post this morning and it makes me even more determined to do vanilla NoS and not worry about my weight. Eventually, my body will adjust to the size it ought to be, not what I want it to be - that's what I'm thinking and working towards!

Mimi

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Sun Jun 14, 2009 3:38 am

Mimi, good for you! Bravo!
*********************************

As a reminder to myself and for accountability:

I've completed 30 days "on plan", but the plan was defined as no sweets and no snacks on weekdays. I didn't worry about "seconds"/portion sizes in general for the first thirty days. Most days, I just tried to gather everything I was going to have for a meal in front of me before digging in; the intent was to acknowledge that I was indeed eating a sit-down *meal*.

Starting Monday, it is no sweets, no snacks, no seconds. I am going to adhere to the one plate rule going forward.

There, I said it. Now I have to do it.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Sun Jun 14, 2009 3:50 am

JUNE CHECK-IN

June 1st: green
June 2nd: green
June 3rd: yellow--->average weight June 1-3 indicates -5lbs since May's weigh-in
June 4th: green
June 5th: green
June 6th: yellow
June 7th: yellow-->EARNED CURTAINS
June 8th: green
June 9th: green
June 10th: green--------but I weighed myself
June 11th: green
June 12th: green
June 13th: yellow
June 14th: yellow-->EARNED PAINT FOR LIVING ROOM
June 15th: green
June 16th: green
June 17th: yellow--> wedding anniversary
June 18th: yellow--> husband's birthday
June 19th: yellow--> some dear friends from abroad stayed over at our house. In retrospect, I should have made this day green because of all the excesses on the 17th and 18th. I think I was looking for an excuse to gorge because of some other emotional stuff going on.
June 20th: yellow
June 21st: yellow-->NO REWARD THIS WEEK. And I felt sick and completely lost after five S days. It's just way, way too much.
June 22nd: green
June 23rd: green
June 24th: green
June 25th: green
June 26th: red
June 27th: yellow
June 28th: yellow-->NO REWARD THIS WEEK.
June 29th: red
June 30th: red

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Sun Jun 14, 2009 2:58 pm

Reminder to self to revisit this idea in July or August:

an unplanned S day or event is a failure (red), not a yellow. Unless you are cashing in on S days/events you've saved or "banked"--->

"Banking" S days? I think I will always need to have one treat on the weekend, just so I don't feel deprived. But the other day's treat(s) could be banked for another day.

I don't think I'm ready for these mods yet. I'm afraid I would make a Saturday green, for example, and then later in the month I'd have a bad Wednesday and stress eat or outright binge to handle my emotions. Can't go back to doing that.

So for now, it's just vanilla no-S.

la_loser · Post by **la_loser** » Sun Jun 14, 2009 4:09 pm

Vigilant, I think it's wise for you to decide to perhaps revisit this later, but I can tell you how I've tried to handle this.

1. Keep built-in S days sane enough that I'm not being an IDIOT on those days with the exception of MAYBE major holidays like Christmas, New Year's (Eve-for me-a wonderful annual gathering of friends from up to 40 years ago in my home town that we've been attending since the 70's), Thanksgiving and the 4th of July. Limiting myself to less than a half dozen POSSIBLE IDIOT days in a year is WAY better than in I've behaved historically! And I've discovered in the past year that even then I've learned to control myself enough that I'm not sitting around like a moaning beached whale afterward-what a wonderful feeling. . . and WHAT A CONCEPT!

2. Weekends are still S days--but by my choice and habit, rarely idiotic-very often really S events than entire days. It's just not something I feel I have to worry about now that my habits are solid.

3. Other Non Weekend S days (NWS) are most often determined in advance, but very very occasionally, we will be invited to a celebration of some sort, short notice or other large gathering or small one with another couple where I might have dessert or reasonable appetizers. I don't use these as opportunities to go crazy but as a way to eat like those traditionally slender people I've always wondered about!

I think for me it would be dangerous to drop my automatic S days to reserve in case I needed them. . . it's just that . . . after doing this for a number of months, my interest in making sure I got plenty of S's in during the weekend did fade away. But I still use those days for making different food choices (like some are doing for soft drinks)- breakfast of biscuits and gravy are reserved for the weekend, for example. Allowed any day but reserved as a real treat!

Prior to July 4, I will bring back to the top a post from last year about our declaring our independence from our previously terrible eating habits! So stay tuned! It's applicable to everyone--not just the Americans!

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Sun Jun 14, 2009 5:04 pm

Paint for your living room, yay! Your house will be gorgeous in no time! And you too! Keep up the great work!

Mimi

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Tue Jun 16, 2009 4:28 pm

Thanks, Mimi! Haven't decided on this week's reward yet. You?

LA, your post made me laugh and it happened to be very helpful to me, too. The way you are approaching it makes perfect sense to me. I hope to be where you are in a few months. (Like to have s EVENTS on the weekends instead of an all-day binge fest; to have only half a dozen idiot days in the year, etc.) I keep reassuring myself that the urge to be an idiot on the weekends will fade away; after all, I'm only a month into this plan. If I'm going to do no-S forever, which I intend to, what's a month?!

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:09 pm

Haven't decided what I'll go for this week...I'll be at my daughter's until Saturday and then go home for the weekend to catch up on my laundry, etc. I'll probably just come up during the days next week depending on how well baby Liam does. Last night, his first night home was a rough one. We managed to get a few hours sleep towards the wee morning! He'll adjust in time, I'm sure!
You're doing so well Vigilant, keep up the great work!

Mimi

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 1:16 am

Mimi, your daughter is so lucky to have you there to help her out, especially on those first few rough nights home.

*******************************************

I want to scream. Or cry. Or both.

1. I ate like an idiot today. That means I felt very piggish and very unsexy on my own wedding anniversary.

2. I have three sets of visitors coming in the next two weeks--first set arrives tomorrow at 5 p.m. and the house is messy.

3. The third set of visitors might be the very last people I want in my house right now: my brother-in-law and his wife. They are assholes, they are staying through the 4th of July weekend (the thought of spending the holiday with them honestly makes me choke up with tears), and now I have to cancel a fun kayaking trip with two dear friends. I had been looking so forward to that kayaking trip! Now I'll be "entertaining" the spoiled assholes instead.

Did I mention that sis-in-law developed a holier-than-thou attitude towards me in particular after dropping some weight? She's kept it off for three years now, so I can't find solace in the notion that she will probably regain it all soon and in doing so, regain some humility.

She hasn't seen me in years and I know she will derive extreme satisfaction from my dramatic weight gain. The knowledge of that just burns me, and it makes me want to embark on a crazy two-week quest to lose 15 pounds or something.

But what difference is 15 pounds gonna make, when I'm huge at 245 and will still be huge at 230? And why should I be worried about they think, anyway? I don't even like them. Yet I AM embarrassed of what I've done to my body, there's no denying it.

oh my my.........

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 2:41 am

Oh, Vigilant! Now, now, now. I feel so bad for you, my friend. It's just one day out of many more to come - so very small in comparison. You're in this for your lifetime, right? I know why you ate like an idiot today, if you're anything like me, and it had nothing to do with it being your wedding anniversary and everything to do with the upcoming a*****e visiting relatives. And also having to give up a much looked forward to trip with real friends. You're eating your feelings, trying to stuff them down, and then feeling even worse. If it's any consolation, I too have a sister-in-law much like yours (my husband's only sister). Two years ago she decided to tell him EXACTLY how she really felt about me after all these years...and I really had no clue. She's a trite, mean-spirited, selfish, holier-than-thou, depressing person and I have pretty much written her out of my life after that. Why do I need to spend time with someone like that? I don't even like her either - so I don't! Now I think understand all of her pettiness. I think it really comes from her low self-esteem and jealousy of others. So, I speak to her when I have to or need to and that's about it. I don't have any other contact with her and I don't worry about it. And you know, my life is so much better for it. It helps that my husband agrees. He was extremely hurt when she unloaded all of her poison on him.

And why should I be worried about they think, anyway? I don't even like them.

You shouldn't be. Be a confident, beautiful, and kind hostess for all your guests. Show off your new home. Feel good about yourself and all of your hard work. No one should have the power to make us feel badly about ourselves. Fight back!
Try to reschedule your kayaking or plan another outing.
Be good to yourself. And keep telling yourself...and this too shall pass...and this too shall pass...(that's how I got through grad school at age 46!)
Talk to you soon!
Mimi

Kodama · Post by **Kodama** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:12 pm

mimi wrote:No one should have the power to make us feel badly about ourselves.

This is something that has dawned on me recently.

Don't Give them this level of power. Don't Allow them to take it.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 1:09 pm

I so understand and relate to your problems. I can't go into detail because they know I'm doing noS (and could read this), but believe me... I understand. Try to think long term, and just keep plugging along. It's for the better long term because that will last. I also find that my belly goes first, so it's never loo late to at least feel better and a bit confident. Take their "wonderful" visit as an opportunity to show them that you can control your snacking which they may not be able to do.

It could be good inspiration to have a green time while they are there. Think of your cleaning the house as excellent exercise that leaves something to show for it after. Clean... have a glass of wine... or two.. and say a prayer. If all else fails... kill 'em with kindness.

Good luck and I'll be thinking about you!

Thalia · Post by **Thalia** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 5:11 pm

No one should have the power to make us feel badly about ourselves.

This is so powerful.

Why are you hosting people you don't even like and who aren't nice to you in your home? Personally, I thnk I'd dump the entertaining duties on DH, who is actually related to them, and run off on my long-planned kayaking trip. "So sorry, wish I could visit, but I already made plans!"

Nichole · Post by **Nichole** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 5:21 pm

I'm so sorry about that!! I don't like people like that either. So mean. Just don't let her get to you. I hate when people lose a lot of weight and turn into a different person or act superior to others. I hate that way of acting in any situation really!!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:40 am

congratulations on your new membership to 21!!!!

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 9:18 pm

Thank you all so, so much for your awesome words of encouragement and advice. It has helped me tremendously to calm down.

I'm having computer problems at the moment and they are bad enough that I think I will end up buying a new laptop. So between the computer transition and the guests, it might be awhile before I log on again with any regularity. But in a week or so everything should be straightened out and I *will* be back and I *will* have plenty of green days to report!

Thanks again--you all are amazing.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu Jun 25, 2009 4:51 pm

1. Reward for this week will be DVR. I keep staying up too late to catch my favorite shows, and this makes for a late morning and throws the rest of the day off.

2. I WILL stay green while the in-laws are here no matter how stressful it is, and that will be a major personal victory.

3. I will not expect to see further weight loss when I weigh in July 1st-3rd because of the excesses of this past month. If I have maintained my five pound loss from May, that will good enough.

4. I will start doing consistent exercise in July. I know the last six months of 2009 are going to be better, health-wise, than the first six months were. It's all about minimum levels of compliance!

5. I will make a conscious effort to stop being an idiot on S days. It's unkind to my body and after crossing a certain threshold, the eating ceases to be enjoyable. I have some ideas for how to get my weekends to be more about quality and pleasure than quantity and regret...more on this later.

(This is a reminder to self!)

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Thu Jun 25, 2009 6:23 pm

These are all admirable goals and points to keep in mind! I bought my reward *early* this week - a dozen pixie lilies - so if I don't stay green, I guess they don't get planted on Saturday!!

Mimi

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Tue Jul 07, 2009 3:37 pm

Pixie lillies, cool! I wish I could see your yard, Mimi.

Sounds like you are always doing something neat with it. (By the way, I meant to tell you before I think that graduate school in your 40s was an awesome achievement.)

*************************************************
Okay, so all my bold proclamations did not keep me from doing the wrong things. I don't have green days to report for the days I had visitors. It seems that I can comply with no-S during times of mild-to-moderate stress, but not during times of extreme or prolonged stress (yet). But I know it is during the really stressful times that strict no-S compliance does us the most good. In another few months, I hope to be able to stick with it no matter what the circumstances are.

So I'm marking it and moving on. Yesterday was the first day I had the house back to myself and it was a green day. All I have to do is make July better than June was. More green days, regular exercise (wrote up a plan and some goals yesterday) and less idiotic behavior on my S days.

Here's to the second half of 2009!

p.s. oh, and as for the dreaded in-laws (husband's brother and his wife)? We won't be friends anytime soon, but I'm okay with it now. I never realized how dull they are and how much they rely on exaggeration to make their lives sound interesting! Now that I have some distance from their visit and can put it into perspective, the whole thing is almost comical. Thanks for your words of wisdom, ladies!

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Tue Jul 07, 2009 3:56 pm

JULY CHECK-IN

July 1: red
July 2: red
July 3: red-->average weight 240
July 4: yellow
July 5: yellow-->no reward this week
July 6: green
July 7: yellow-->NWS 1 of 2: nutella
July 8: green
July 9: yellow-->NWS 2 of 2: nutella again. Should have thrown it out! Always causes problems in the home!
July 10: red: broke down late at night
July 11: yellow
July 12: yellow-->technically no reward, but alot of purchases made this week anyway
July 13: green
July 14: green

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Tue Jul 07, 2009 4:10 pm

I'm thinking about my rewards system and the fact that I no longer want 2 idiotic S days every week.

So perhaps going forward, the rules should be that I can only get a reward for the week if I stick to one dessert per "regular" S day.

What I mean by "regular" S day is a normal Saturday or Sunday in which nothing special is going on: it's not a holiday, I'm not attending a party, etc. If it's just me and my husband hanging out at home and then meeting up with friends for a bikeride, there is no reason to gorge. There is no reason that having an ice cream cone after the ride shouldn't be enough, for example.

Now of course, one cannot fail on an S day. I'll always mark my calendar yellow on Saturdays and Sundays no matter what I do. And I'm not going to monitor my meals or snacks. But I won't give myself a reward for being an idiot with sweets anymore. The amount of sugar I eat on the weekends is downright dangerous to my health. I've written "one dessert" in the box for every Saturday and Sunday on my kitchen calendar for the next 2 months as a reminder, except for Saturday, August 15th (my birthday), in which I've written "whatever I want." If a special social gathering crops up in the meantime for any of the other Saturdays or Sundays, I can change the status from "regular" S day to "truly exempt" S day. Let's see how this works!

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Wed Jul 08, 2009 12:00 am

Hi Vigilant,

I honestly wouldn't worry about S-days until you have your green days under control. That's the real place to start - they're MOST of your days.

Sorry about the in-law visit, especially interfering with something you WANTED to do. Hope you can reschedule for another time.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Wed Jul 08, 2009 12:33 am

I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK! I'VE MISSED YOU!

So glad to hear you survived your guests and are back in business with a new laptop!
I think KCCC's advice is excellent advice. I have read over and over on these boards from the successful NoEssers that they had the same problem in the beginning - wild S days. They all say that eventually they will tame themselves, but you really have to work hard on getting the N days down first.
I don't know about you, but when I start placing too many restrictions on myself, my ornery side begins to raise its ugly head and becomes defiant...and then it just goes all downhill after that.
Enjoy your S days, but maybe be more selective in the treats you choose? Don't settle for ordinary *junk* from the cabinets or plain ol' candy bars. Remember that diner and its lucious desert display? Or an ice cream sundae somewhere? (I remember Dairy Queen is no longer an option for you

) Or an ooey-gooey donut from a donut shop and a specialty coffee?
Anyway, just some ideas to think about. Glad you're back!

Mimi

P.S. My saving mantra through graduate school at age 44 (was 46 when I finished) was, "And this too shall pass...and this too shall pass...
And it did - I made it!

P.P.S. OH! I just remembered...my new most favorite S! Have you ever tried a toffee-nut cookie from Paneras? They are to die for! You've gotta try one soon, if you haven't already! Yum!

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:25 am

Thanks, Mimi! Glad to be back. Hope you are feeling better--was definitely worried when I heard the news. I like Paneras, especially their bread bowl soups, so I will definitely check out that cookie the next time I go there.

The words of caution from you (and you, KCCC) are well-taken. I know there is potential for disaster when mods and tweaks are applied, especially in the beginning of the program. But it just seems that each weekend is more out of control than the last. Just when I think I couldn't possibly outdo myself, I do. No matter how sick I get (literally!), I go back for more. I've had good quality stuff and junky stuff, and it doesn't seem to make a difference (sadly enough!). So I'm going to give this new rewards system a try for the rest of the month and see what happens. After all, I will never be marking my weekends red or saying that I'm failing at no-S if I have more than one dessert on an ordinary weekend S day. I'm just demanding more of myself in terms of earning a weekly reward.

The idea is a new one and it's still congealing in my head. It might be that some variation on this idea works better, such as sticking to one dessert on one day of the weekend and having no restriction on the other day. Or maybe alternating weekends altogether, so that on the first and third weekends of the month I stick to one treat per day, and on the second and fourth weekends of the month, I have as much as I want. I just don't know. What I DO know from past experience is that the desire for sweets never dies down for me. This is how I gained weight when doing an intuitive eating program in 2007-2008. All the literature and all my fellow board members promised that if you give yourself "unconditional permission to eat" whatever you like, EVENTUALLY the desire for "naughty" foods would lessen or subside altogether. But for me, it never happened, not even after months of indulging my every whim. Two months, three months, four months into it and I still could have eaten cupcakes for breakfast, ice cream for lunch, and candy bars for dinner every day. Disgusting but true. And right now my weekends feel like this, albeit on a smaller scale...and I hate it.

Well, if all this completely screws me up, I'll own up to it on the board and go back to vanilla no-S. Truly!

KCCC, we'll definitely be rescheduling the kayaking. Thanks for dropping by my thread!

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Wed Jul 08, 2009 2:14 pm

good to see ya around! I'd stick to concentrating on vanilla no s too.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu Jul 09, 2009 2:30 pm

I had a cool dream last night in which all of my rings fit my fingers again! I have gotten so big I can't wear many of my favorite rings anymore (except on my pinky finger, which I'm not willing to do).

I'll take it as a sign of good things to come.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Sun Jul 12, 2009 4:16 am

Things are kinda rocky now. I've been off track for almost a month now, ever since that birthday plus anniversary in mid-June, followed by 3 sets of guests back-to-back. All the entertaining and hanging out and I completely forgot what moderation is about--or what it looks like.

I'm in this for good, though, so I'm going to work hard to get back on track. I can make next week solid green. I've done it before and I'll do it again!

I find myself doing alot of boredom eating on the weekends. Since I'm allowed to do what I want food-wise, I rarely ask myself "am I hungry or is something else going on?" But tonight I kept opening and surveying the fridge without finding anything I liked. On the fourth or fifth time, I checked in with my stomach--I was definitely NOT hungry. This tendency annoys me so much. It needs to be addressed, but I don't want to get bogged down in analysis paralysis either.

So, on to a green week this week.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Sun Jul 12, 2009 11:13 pm

Yes, Vig - a totally GREEN week coming up for you! I'll help you do it! Come up with a cool reward to work for. I'm trying for paint again, but this time my bathroom. You were on such a good stride before the birthday, anniversary, and back-to-back houseguests...I know you can get it back again. The first few days will be difficult because your habits are weak - but we'll get them back in shape! Maybe eat some bigger plates for a day or two to keep from getting too hungry.
Concentrate on your avatar too! Remember that emerald!

You go girl!
Mimi

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 12:53 am

Thanks for cheering me on, Mimi!

Okay, I will aim for DVR again and will check in with my rewards buddy at the end of the week to see what color her bathroom is going to be.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Sun Aug 02, 2009 10:43 pm

Belt is sure snug from July's failures...

Aug 1: exempt
Aug 2: exempt
Aug 3: success! First solid green day in a long time, and it's such a relief.
Aug 4: success
Aug 5: success
Aug 6: success Marking this right after dinner to dissuade me from making a big mistake later tonight! The temptation is definitely there.
Aug 7: exempt
Aug 8: exempt
Aug 9: success Did a green Sunday and survived!
Aug 10: exempt: NWS #1
Aug 11: exempt: NWS #2, and totally not worth it!

Aug 12: exempt: sick day. Had a fasting blood test, felt very weak and tired, just a screwy day. But this is IT for August. One more screw up and there's going to be red on the calendar!

Aug 13: success
Aug 14: success
Aug 15: exempt
Aug 16: exempt
Aug 17: success
Aug 18: success
Aug 19: success
Aug 20: success
Aug 21: exempt
Aug 22: exempt! and a successful orange day!
Aug 23: success but a rather wobbly success. Don't want to have a dinner like this again anytime soon.
Aug 24: success: and a solid, straightforward one at that!
Aug 25: success
Aug 26: success and I completed Challenge I today!

An orange day is an S day in which I stick to 3 meals and have ONE dessert in addition.

Bushranger · Post by **Bushranger** » Mon Aug 03, 2009 12:38 am

Vigilant2010 wrote:But tonight I kept opening and surveying the fridge without finding anything I liked. On the fourth or fifth time, I checked in with my stomach--I was definitely NOT hungry. This tendency annoys me so much. It needs to be addressed, but I don't want to get bogged down in analysis paralysis either.

Hi Vigilant. I sometimes suffer from a similar issue and from what I have been able to deduce my constant fridge visits while not really hungry are always boredom and/or some issue in my life that is playing on my mind. Often I find it's an issue rather than just boredom. It takes a bit of work but when I sit down and spend some time determining what it may be then working through a solution for it I find that helps immensely.

I also suffer from paralysis by analysis and often over think things and try to plan a "perfect" strategy which means I never get started. I have found thinking as far as "that's a very good strategy" is more than enough for success. Forget perfect, it's an impossibility and ergo an endless waste of time.

Your situation may or may not be the same, but I hope this insight will be able to help you shed some light on your own reasons.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Mon Aug 03, 2009 3:04 am

Thanks, Bushranger. It's usually issues with me too, rather than pure boredom.

And may I say that I appreciate and admire all the insightful and helpful comments you distribute around this forum!

Bushranger · Post by **Bushranger** » Mon Aug 03, 2009 3:40 am

Thanks Vigilant. That's nice to hear.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu Aug 06, 2009 2:15 am

I'm only getting through the day by the grace of milk. I almost forgot milk is allowed between meals! Note to self to remember this.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Thu Aug 06, 2009 2:55 pm

By the grace of milk, huh? That sounds funny, but I bet it helps... keep us posted.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu Aug 06, 2009 3:22 pm

I know it sounds goofy!

But that's how much relief I felt when I remembered there's something I can do to curb my hunger without having to mark the day red.

winnie96 · Post by **winnie96** » Thu Aug 06, 2009 3:44 pm

The longing for escape through junk food continues today...I'm looking at my list of things to do and feeling tired, overwhelmed, and downright resentful. I think to myself, "I can't possibly do ALL these things, so why do any of them?" And the urge to run off to Starbucks and forget about life through a frappuccino emerges. Ugh!

The quote is from the August 5th entry on your blog, and wow ... it's a dead-on summary of how I feel when I'm being "bratty". When I eat stupidly, it's often because I feel overwhelmed and resentful, and when I have a day where nothing whatsoever gets done, I'm often thinking that I can't do all the things on my list, so why do any of them. Thanks so much for so eloquently expressing my exact feelings -- seeing them so succinctly summarized is a huge help to me! (Your blog is really great!)

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:17 pm

Thanks for your kind words, Winnie. Glad you got something useful out of the blog.

I have a real problem with all-or-nothing thinking too (obviously). Either do everything, or do nothing. It does occur to me to do something instead of everything or nothing, but I don't really feel good about it. It's like I haven't legitimized doing "merely" something.

And yet, over the span of days and weeks, doing something gets us somewhere, while doing nothing does not! Agh!

How do you deal with this, and with your bratty days in general?

winnie96 · Post by **winnie96** » Sat Aug 08, 2009 1:25 pm

Vigilant2010 wrote:It does occur to me to do something instead of everything or nothing, but I don't really feel good about it. It's like I haven't legitimized doing "merely" something ... How do you deal with this, and with your bratty days in general?

I wish I could tell you that I've got a dynamite way to deal with the all-or-nothing issue, but alas! I still just muddle through as best I can. But your "haven't legitimized doing 'merely' something" phrase is an interesting jump off point for some thinking I need to do about why I go for the big ta-da in a frenzy of activity vs. chipping away at projects step-by-step. Hmmm ...

As far as feeling "bratty", I must say I've had remarkably few B-Days on No-S, which I think speaks to the "do-ableness" of No-S over the long term. No-S has really helped me make peace with food, and HabitCal is also huge help -- I detest marking a day as red! And being fairly successful at following No-S has carried over into other parts of my life, so I'm much less apt to be "bratty" overall. On days when I am, I pretty much scowl & gripe & grumble & think the whole world's against me -- and try not to inflict myself on others. But I am pleased to report that my old "onward to McDonald's" remedy is pretty much a thing of the past, despite last Monday's incident.

~reneew · Post by **~reneew** » Sat Aug 08, 2009 2:42 pm

Those bratty days to me sound like when I feel defiant and I get uncooperative with even myself. Duh. Stupid state to be in. What helps me out of them is to think of how far I've come. I recently was at that spot and felt like"I'm not going anywhere, so I won't do it anymore!" Then I recalculated my goals (on page 1 of my check in) and found that over time, I was loosing and I made a new attainable plan. It really refreshed my outlook.

When you feel down... think of something that pulls you up. I also have a little photo album of me when I was just thin enough, and other pictures of women that look like what I realistically "could" look like. I also listed in the album several reasons why thin would be good. It helps to give yourelf visuals.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sat Aug 08, 2009 9:13 pm

On the "inner brat"... I have an 8-year-old, and I kind of visualize the inner brat as about that age. Old enough to be reasonable (sometimes), young enough to throw major tantrums.

When my real child is really acting out, sometimes he just needs curbing ("you can be angry, but you cannot break things"), but more often there's "something going on underneath." And if I can connect to that, we can solve the real problem.

So... (corniness alert!) sometimes when I'm being bratty to myself, I ask myself in a gentle voice, like I would use with an upset child "what's the matter, honey?" (Yes, "honey.")

It is amazing what sort of stuff can just well up in response. Eating can be a MASK for feeling real emotions. And - just like with my kid - when those underlying things are dealt with, bad behavior goes away.

Reinhard says (in the book, somewhere) that over-eating is actually a form of self-punishment. I think that's VERY true. For years, I ate because I was procrastinating on stuff I didn't want to do (housework, for example). Now, I either decide "I'm just not going to do that now!" (hey, I'm a grown-up; I can make those decisions), or I set a timer and tell myself "just 15 minutes" (and the task is usually done in 10).

I also ate out of boredom a lot. Now I have hobbies instead.

One of the reasons I like my writing exercise on the senses is that it offers me alternatives and things I can enjoy other than food.

Okay, I'm totally blathering... but I hope some of this sounds useful to you.

Best wishes.

PS - and don't worry if the S-days take a while. They'll get more balanced over time, honest. And if your greens are good, you can manage some unbalanced S-days.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Thu Aug 13, 2009 12:29 am

KCCC, the things you shared are very helpful, as usual! Same goes for you, Renee and Winnie. Thanks.

TexArk · Post by **TexArk** » Fri Aug 14, 2009 2:19 pm

Love Love Love your Blog. Please stay with it.
I have been fighting this battle all my life and at 62 years of age you would think that I could have figured it all out. But I am an all or nothing thinker too and have dieted or binged forever. I found NoS at the end of December 08 and could not believe my eyes. It is so simple. I didn't say easy. But it is the answer.
I did well for 4 months until life threw me some curves. It has been hard to get back in the groove. That is why coming to the site and reading other's stories helps me work through it. I am probably 30 pounds overweight at the moment (I will not step on the scale for awhile) but the number of pounds makes no difference. The same messages are going through our brains whether we are trying to maintain or whether we have 100+ pounds to lose.
It is painful to see my 22 year old daughter eating and gaining. She has never gone on a diet like I did at her age so she is probably better off. Yet I see her each evening drive to the grocery store to get her package of Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies and down 1000 calories while on the computer or watching TV. I don't say a thing because I know she is not doing this out of ignorance and I know that anyone who said anything to me about my weight just made me want to comfort myself even more with food. Most of my binges have all been in private and she is very public about her eating. (I would sneak; hide packages in the garbage, etc) So I am hoping that eventually she will want to put NoS principles into practice, too.

Sorry to take up so much of your space, but thanks again for writing. You do it well and speak for so many of us.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Fri Aug 14, 2009 5:12 pm

Hi TexArk! A big thanks to you for reading my blog and letting me know you like it! Now and then I wonder why I am blogging...but I think it helps me keep going and if it's helpful in any way to another person, that's even better!

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been battling the diet/binge eating/all or nothing monsters for years and years. On the other hand, it sounds like no S has been a great discovery for you and I hope it brings you all the peace and success you deserve. You are so right--it's not easy. At least, I don't find no S to be particularly easy and I'm relieved to hear I'm not the only one! With so many bright and successful people on these boards I sometimes wonder what the heck is wrong with me, to find this so incredibly hard?! But a history of emotional binge eating like you and I have makes it even more challenging to make the switch, in my opinion. We gotta keep truckin', though.

The situation with your daughter does sound alarming. Is she facing something in her life that prompting her to self-soothe with food? (In other words, do you think it's emotional eating or something else?) I know I would have never wanted my parents to say anything about my weight directly, but I really wish they would have asked me about my behaviors more. As in, asked me if there was anything wrong, anything they could help me with, ask if I was eating out of hunger or for other reasons. I'm not at all implying you haven't asked or helped your daughter already; I'm just blabbing about my own experience. Does she know about no S?

Sending good vibes to the both of you!

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Sat Aug 15, 2009 12:49 pm

--it's not easy. At least, I don't find no S to be particularly easy and I'm relieved to hear I'm not the only one! With so many bright and successful people on these boards I sometimes wonder what the heck is wrong with me, to find this so incredibly hard?!

Vig, first, I'm sorry that you're finding NoS still difficult, but truth be told, it is - particularly in the beginning. Creating new habits and overcoming old destructive ones doesn't happen overnight. I think it was gratefuldeb who said that it would take a year for her to accomplish that instead of 21 days. I, too, think it takes much longer than 21 days to make new habits. The first time I tried NoS I was over confident - especially after 21 days. I thought I *had it down*...and I didn't. I derailed and couldn't get back on track. And then I quit. I quit for over a year.
Please be very careful about comparing yourself to others - there's NOTHING wrong with you! That kind of thinking is the beginning of trouble! You are you - and you are unique. You have to deal with your particular set of obstacles and plan strategies to overcome them. Somewhere I once heard that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Cutesy, but so true. Keep on keepin' on - all the while heading in the right direction. Even if you have red days, and you will, mark 'em and keep going.
And remember your little rewards. They worked for you previously - so, go for them again. Do whatever works for you. You know, every time I wear my sandals (remember them?) or my NoS *jewlery* (no emerald yet, just sterling silver!), I'm reminded of the rules of NoS. My NoS jewelry is kind of like wearing a *secret club badge* that no one else knows about.
I think your blog is another step in the right direction. Writing down your problems and feelings and reactions - good to get them out.
So, hang in there my NoS *reward buddy* I'm here for you - just a post or a PM away!

Mimi

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Sat Aug 15, 2009 7:30 pm

Awww, thanks Mimi! I'm reading this after having read your private message and having mailed you back already. So my response is all in my private message.

You're the best.

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 10:14 pm

Hmm, I put a little dent in the car today. Should I run it off a cliff for a Hollywood-style explosion?

nahhhhh....

I think I'll just dent the other side a bit for symmetry instead.

Off to have a cupcake, then! It's Sunday, after all.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 12:20 pm

Vigilant2010 wrote:Hmm, I put a little dent in the car today. Should I run it off a cliff for a Hollywood-style explosion?

nahhhhh....

I think I'll just dent the other side a bit for symmetry instead.

Off to have a cupcake, then! It's Sunday, after all.

Oh, you're sooooo funny! I got a good laugh out of that one!

Always pays to keep a sense of humor (learned that through umpteen years of working with middle schoolers!)

Mimi

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 1:27 pm

lol, thanks mimi. glad you got a chuckle out of it! that's how I try to think of it--forget "wrecking" the car; my tendency is to run it off a cliff and watch it turn into a fireball.

Here's to a green week for the both of us!

bluebunny27 · Post by **bluebunny27** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 7:42 pm

Hey, I've been checking out your blog too, Vigil - - Very nice !

I'll put the site in my bookmarks so I can read your comments there once in a while too.

Good work, Vigil.

Dessert report, huh ?? Makes me hungry !!

Cheers !

Marc

Disclaimer : I am following a more extreme version of the 'No-S' diet.
I made my own personal modifications to the original plan (Diet & Exercise)
What I am doing should not be misinterpreted as being a typical 'No-S' diet experience.
11/01/2008 : 280.0 pounds
08/14/2009 : 197.0 pounds
( 9 months 14 days / -83.0 pounds )
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Goal : 11/01/2009 : 190.0 pounds ( 1 year / -90.0 pounds )

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Tue Aug 18, 2009 6:40 pm

Hey Marc, thanks so much! Although with your self-discipline of steel, I doubt my dessert reports make you *too* hungry.

bluebunny27 · Post by **bluebunny27** » Tue Aug 18, 2009 7:19 pm

Oh, your dessert descriptions are great but ... gluttony is a sin, remember !!

The other day I was at my parents' house and they had some great looking blueberry pie, I only had a lil' bite, a MICRO BITE and it was delicious. In the bad old days I would have eaten half the pie by myself, lol !

I didn't feel too bad this time cos' there probably was only 30 calories in the bite I had (I checked the nutrition label and one portion (1/6 of the pie) was 300+ calories, only having one bite was enough for me, I could taste the pie and not worry about the calories that way ... plus I wasn't LIVING IN SIN being a
glutton. Micro biting, what a concept.

Talking about gluttons, the other night I was watching this documentary on huge portions of food served at restaurants in the USA, yikes. It was scary to see so many very fat people eating there, even kids, all having huuuuuuuuge portions of greasy, salty, sweet, deep fried .... .... stuff ...

The footage was from San Antonio, TX ... hum, also in Las Vegas, people getting huuuuuuuge plates of food at popular restaurants there, I was trying to figure out how many calories were piled up sky high on those plates in Vegas ... probably more calories in a single meal than you are supposed to have in one entire day ! They all seemed happy to be there at least, they were not worrying about calories like me, woo hoo !

Cheers !

Marc

Disclaimer : I am following a more extreme version of the 'No-S' diet.
I made my own personal modifications to the original plan (Diet & Exercise)
What I am doing should not be misinterpreted as being a typical 'No-S' diet experience.
11/01/2008 : 280.0 pounds
08/14/2009 : 197.0 pounds
( 9 months 14 days / -83.0 pounds )
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Goal : 11/01/2009 : 190.0 pounds ( 1 year / -90.0 pounds )

Vigilant2010 · Post by **Vigilant2010** » Tue Aug 18, 2009 8:23 pm

I hear you. I know alot of people feel kinda disgusted when they see obese people shoveling it in at a buffet or a restaurant, but I always feel sadness rather than disgust.

I can't help but wonder what's going on inside of them, emotionally and medically.

(I'm don't mean to put words in your mouth that you felt disgusted by this TV footage you mentioned...the issue of disgust vs. sympathy/concern is simply on my mind because of a recent post over at the blog Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit that raised a bit of debate.) PLUS I was at an Indian buffet for lunch and while I was eating my one plate and feeling ok with it, there was a morbidly obese man really hittin' it up big time with multiple visits. I felt bad for him but also was reflecting on the fact that I used to eat one and half or two full plates and most of the naan basket and still manage to feel pissy that I couldn't have a mango lassi, too. He seemed so oblivious and I wished I had a little no-S card I could slip him discreetly!

Everyday Systems

Vigilant's Report

Vigilant's Report

MOTIVATION!

How I handle S days including NWS days. . .

July Check-in

Rewards system and idiotic S days