Ok - so here is my little reminder to myself when I feel like I am not progressing fast enough.
I struggled with anorexia/bulimia/bingeing in high school & college. I was insane and obsessed about my body and food and was very, very unhappy. At the end of college, I joined OA which really helped me begin to release the fear of "forbidden" foods. I ate 3 meals a day of whatever I wanted and wrote it down. However, OA didn't work for me on some levels (mostly I did not like forcing myself to eat meals when I was not hungry) and I still was somewhat obsessed & bingeing. I graduated college 30 pounds overweight. I am only 5'3" small frame, so this is a lot.
In the meantime I began reading books on intuitive eating. Over the next year I worked on, again, really only eating what I wanted (no diet foods) and listening to my body. If I wanted ice cream for dinner, I sat down and ate it. I also began a very moderate 3x week workout plan. I never, ever believed I'd be thin so that was not my focus- I only wanted to stop the self-loathing and obsession. I didn't even have a weight goal at all. However, I ended up landing at 108 pounds- which never deviated- eating whatever I pleased (usually falling into healthy meals- I was never much of a snacker) and doing this moderate workout. The obsession/self-hate ended, I NEVER thought about what I ate or hated my body. I did not binge, did not diet and I ate real meals. I was very happy and healthy. I stayed this way for 5 years. The funny thing about this is that before I ever started messing with my food/body in high school, I was 108 pounds. That just seems to be where my body always wanted to be.
Now, the reason I wanted to write this to myself is that it took me THREE YEARS to lose that 30 pounds and end up at my natural weight. As I said, I had no weight goal so I really never thought about it, so the fact it took that long was a non-issue. The real success for me was getting over the emotional turmoil that had controlled my life for years.
Granted I was in my 20's then so I do not expect to weigh 108 now. And I was also much happier and in a much more stable point in my life (career & relationship-wise) back then. Things have been much more challenging these past few years and I struggle much with letting go of emotional eating. This is why intuitive eating is not working for me now and why I feel like I need a bit more structure. I am fine with that. But this is also why my plan is more flexible than others' - ie not restricting what I eat. I need the structure of meals but restriction of foods makes me binge.
I know I can do this. I know because I've done it before. I just have to trust myself and be patient.
In reading this over, what is very clear to me is that for my previous personal journey, not having a weight goal was good. Just focusing on getting over the emotional struggle with food was what was key. Also, another thing I remember is that I never, ever judged myself for anything I did with food. If I had cookies for lunch or binged for 3 days it all was fine. I trusted it would end at some point- and it did.
With those things in mind-FOR NOW I am not going to set a weight goal. I will just weigh the first of every month as a check in. And I am not going to write success or failure as it makes me feel bad about myself. But I will record what I do as that does help...
Well. That was long
)