gk's check-in

gk · Post by gk » Mon Jan 02, 2012 1:45 am

Happy New Year everyone!

Thought I'd copy my plan for this year to my new thread as a reminder to me throughout these first few months:

Since my eating is SO out of control, I will start with basically what will be my ultimate goal for S weekends:

- Three meals
- Two snacks (probably at 4:00 and either mid-morning or late at night)
- And ONE serving of sweets with lunch and dinner
- I will also have one glass of water with each meal and snack

I will do this for 21 days. At the end of that time, I will take one thing away and do that for 21 days. I will continue to take one thing away after 21 days until I eventually end up at vanilla No S. If I ever have alot of red days during a 21 day period, I will extend it for another 21 days until I can comfortably abide by the current rules.

As for exercise, my main way of thinking this new year will be just to MOVE. I plan to incorporate much more physical activity into my day. I will start yoga, but not have a set up plan of how many days a week I need to stick to it. I will do whatever my schedule will allow and then fill the rest of the week with alot of physical activity. Just to keep moving will be good enough for me right now, but I think the yoga will really help with my incredibly decreased flexibility.

I will also try to be much better about getting more sleep. It makes such a big difference in everything else. Will aim for at least 7 hours a night.

I am reminded by reading other posts that I want to no longer "stop and restart this diet". I will just start on January 1st and keep going....good or bad.....some months will be good, some not so good, but I'm not going to continue my battle with jumping on and off a diet plan. I will just do the best I can and that will have to be good enough.

This new year I will finally learn to accept myself for who I am. No more looking in the mirror and hating that I don't have my former 30-yr old body. I will focus on my strengths and not my flaws.

I will weigh myself monthly, just out of curiosity, but will not guage my happiness and feelings of accomplishment on a number on the scale.

I will no longer analyze everything to death. I will just set my plan in motion and do it.

And lastly, I will take the time to enjoy things instead of constantly focusing on my struggle with this.

Here's to a wonderful 2012!

gk · Post by gk » Mon Jan 02, 2012 1:54 am

So nice when the first day of a diet is an S Day.

It was actually a calm day for eating with me - not much appetite - GET THIS -

I wake up this morning - first day of the "new me" - and can't walk without crutches! My sore foot that's bothered me for awhile now just decided to up and quit on me. FIGURES. And putting extra weight on my good foot is now aggravating my bad hip. Are ya KIDDIN me???

Tomorrow I go to a doctor to figure out what the heck is wrong with my feet. They've both been bad for awhile now, and now with the one out of commission I guess I'll have to figure something out. My Mom and two of my brothers both have had problems with sore feet, so I figured I just needed to suck it up and live with it, but this obviously won't do.

I guess the exercise part will be put on hold immediately, but at least I can still feel good about sticking to a diet. Determined not to be discouraged by this. I will still get to exercise....just will be post-poned for a bit.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Mon Jan 02, 2012 2:45 am

gk, so sorry to hear about your feet, but loved reading about your goals for 2012.
I think your resolve to begin NoS anew today and keep going - good or bad - is a wise one that will serve you well with out-of-control eating. I found that when I finally decided that quitting wasn't an option anymore, the urge to binge and then restart NoS or start a new and different diet all but disappeared.
The key is to get right back on track after a mess-up - not "I'll restart tomorrow, or next Monday, or whenever."
The best mantra I've seen on these boards is one that helps...just "mark it and move on."
Best wishes,
Mimi

milliem · Post by **milliem** » Mon Jan 02, 2012 11:07 am

Happy new year gk! Sounds like a good plan for the new year

I'm with you on the not restarting thing - I had many (many!

) failures in 2011 but I just kept going. I feel like if I restarted, I would essentially be trying to ignore or forget the failures which isn't particularly helpful. Personally I think it's useful to see the patterns in good days and bad days, good weeks and bad weeks rather than pretending the bad times didn't happen with an 'oh well I'm starting new today then!'

r.jean · Post by **r.jean** » Mon Jan 02, 2012 12:53 pm

Good luck gk! It sounds like you are on the right track. I sure hope your feet get better. What a bummer!

I recommend some small hand weights or some resistance bands that you can use while sitting just to get yourself in the habit of exercising. After a year of committing to half an hour a day, I am compelled to exercise..no matter what. If I am sick or hurt that sometimes means just stretching exercises. Also, I do allow myself to break it up in pieces throughout the day and I give myself one day off a week when needed. (I rarely use the day off.)

Yesterday I did a mile walking with the dog, five minutes on our new elliptical and then 10 minutes shovel glove later because I had not reached 30 minutes yet. I was on call, and it was very busy. I was tempted to just skip it, but my compulsion set in.

Who Me? · Post by **Who Me?** » Mon Jan 02, 2012 1:47 pm

Hope your feet feel better soon.

gk · Post by gk » Tue Jan 03, 2012 3:25 am

mimi wrote: I found that when I finally decided that quitting wasn't an option anymore, the urge to binge and then restart NoS or start a new and different diet all but disappeared.

That's wonderful - I hope I find the same results. Thanks for stopping by and for the encouragement.

gk · Post by gk » Tue Jan 03, 2012 3:25 am

milliem wrote:Personally I think it's useful to see the patterns in good days and bad days, good weeks and bad weeks rather than pretending the bad times didn't happen with an 'oh well I'm starting new today then!'

Very good point! Thanks!

gk · Post by gk » Tue Jan 03, 2012 3:28 am

r.jean - That is a very good idea. I won't wait until I am able to do a full, normal exercise routine. I'll just alter it for those times when I'm not as able. Thanks!

Thanks Who Me.

gk · Post by gk » Tue Jan 03, 2012 3:34 am

Day 1 - SUCCESS

After not being able to bear ANY weight on my left foot yesterday, I was walking around with just a limp and no crutches by this afternoon - WEIRD. The doctor's office was closed today, so I didn't go. It's continuing to improve....wonder if I should even go anymore.

Did very well with food today. This plan of a small treat after lunch and dinner really curbed my urge to cheat with sweets. Usually, it backfires....I'm one of those that starts with one and ends up eating half the bag.

Oh, and I only ate one of my snacks today. Really trying to pay attention to actual hunger vs. habit snacking.

It's looking up!

gk · Post by gk » Tue Jan 03, 2012 3:33 pm

Well, it's only Day Two and I'm contemplating taking a RED already. My husband is going to be out of town for the day, and it's like a knee-jerk reaction - I immediately feel like eating all day while he's gone.

Whenever he leaves, that's all I want to do. No one's watching....no one's judging....it's like my "day off".

It's 10:00 a.m. and I'm struggling.....HELP!

milliem · Post by **milliem** » Tue Jan 03, 2012 4:15 pm

Its hard when there's no routine and no-one to watch you!!

Remember your success of yesterday and you didn't even need your second snack! Hope you are managing to keep yourself otherwise occupied

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Tue Jan 03, 2012 4:59 pm

We're watching!!!
Plan something else nice for yourself that's not food if you get through the day. Maybe watch a special movie or go to the library and check out a bestseller that you've been wanting to read?
We're rooting for you!
Mimi

gk · Post by gk » Wed Jan 04, 2012 12:02 am

Day 2 - SUCCESS!

Omigosh! I did it! I can't believe I got through today without reverting to non-stop munching! In fact, I don't think I've EVER done that before in this circumstance!

It's really helped that I'm starting slowly.....the treat at lunch and dinner was just enough to take the edge off. Also, I'm using some habits that I've found successful before-----I stop and think of what I'm REALLY hungry for before I have a meal. That meant a chicken pot pie for lunch and yes, I actually ate Wheaties for dinner! It's so funny how if you eat exactly what you're craving, no matter how weird it sounds, it can totally take away the urge to keep on grazing. In fact, in eating what I'm craving, my plates actually had less food on them than if I would have eaten other foods. Also, I'm drinking my water before my meal, so I'm feeling fuller halfway through my meal now.

I even managed to skip my second snack again - woo hoo!

Thanks for your support Milliem and Mimi. Reading your posts really helped me through today!

milliem · Post by **milliem** » Wed Jan 04, 2012 7:06 am

Congratulations!! I knew you could do it

I'm going to try your tip of drinking water before a meal - I sometimes end up feeling a bit overfull after eating, so I think I'll try and be more mindful of when I'm starting to get full and just stop!

gk · Post by gk » Thu Jan 05, 2012 1:14 am

Day 3 - FAIL

Must've cracked from yesterday.

However, I only got a fail from a couple extra treats. I stayed on track the rest of the day, which in a way, is kinda a success for me really. Usually, I use one fail as a ticket to an all-day binge.

I went shopping with my daughters this afternoon. They go back to school tomorrow, so we decided to have a girls' afternoon out to spend their x-mas money/gift cards. On the bright side, I got alot of exercise in with all the walking (surprisingly my foot handled it pretty well). However, the new Dairy Queen in our mall beckoned to me and I ended up getting a peanut buster parfait. I'm almost glad I did, because it didn't really hold up to my expectations. Now, I'm not craving it at all and will do just fine without it.

Just look at me not getting upset over a fail!

No frustration and feeling like "starting over". Just marking it and moving on after an isolated fail that didn't turn into a "what the heck, might as well splurge" day.

r.jean · Post by **r.jean** » Thu Jan 05, 2012 2:07 am

That is definitely a success! And isn't it funny that some of the things we thought were so good before really do not taste so good any more? My tastes have definitely changed. I am pickier about what I eat.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Thu Jan 05, 2012 2:25 am

Good for you gk! Keep in mind that small steps add up to big changes over time!

Mimi

Sweetness · Post by **Sweetness** » Thu Jan 05, 2012 8:25 pm

I'ts a huge success to "mark it and move on." Good for you.

gk · Post by gk » Fri Jan 06, 2012 12:04 pm

Thanks guys.

Day 4 - SUCCESS

Today was hard-won.

I took another baby step today. I was craving chocolate ice cream SO much. Edy's chocolate with brownie bit ice cream is like my "coffee". There sure is something to be said for not having it in the house. Usually we always have SOME form of chocolate ice cream in the house, but we didn't yesterday.

I could have used my snack times to munch on something else, but I didn't. I'm really trying to enforce the habit of eating only what I'm hungry for, and nothing really sounded good except for that ice cream. I felt like a smoker squirming because he needed a "fix", but I didn't cave. Actually went through yesterday with NO snacks at all because of it. True, my lunch was rather "jenga-like", but I made it.

milliem · Post by **milliem** » Fri Jan 06, 2012 3:47 pm

Well done you! Nice to get straight back on the green day habit after a red day

Maybe you don't need chocolate ice cream in the house at all times after all

gk · Post by gk » Fri Jan 06, 2012 9:08 pm

milliem wrote:Maybe you don't need chocolate ice cream in the house at all times after all

OK, now that's just crazy talk!

gk · Post by gk » Fri Jan 06, 2012 9:23 pm

Day 5 - FAIL

Well, I did really good up until 3:45 and then crumbled. I expect my Friday's will probably be red for quite awhile, as that has always been a struggle for me. You know how it is......once the kids are home from school and everyone's psyched for the weekend, I just kinda follow that mood and say "what the heck"!

I thought about making my S weekends start at 4:00 Friday to start, just because of that, but decided against it. Will try every week but not get frustrated with a red if it happens. At least that way I'm giving it some kind of effort, right?

Oh, by the way, I got groceries today and we once again have chocolate ice cream in the house.

I know with my addiction to it, it would probably be wise to keep it out of the house, but that will NOT be happening anytime soon. I mean, it gives such joy - why would I want to mess with that?

franxious1 · Post by **franxious1** » Fri Jan 06, 2012 10:52 pm

"jenga-like"

LOL!

Sweetness · Post by **Sweetness** » Fri Jan 06, 2012 10:56 pm

You should have your chocolate ice cream, on S days. Enjoy!!

franxious1 · Post by **franxious1** » Fri Jan 06, 2012 11:05 pm

I love chocolate ice cream, too. New York Super Fudge chunk is my poison. I bought some last week but had a horrible binge S day, so though I ate it, it wasn't a good experience. Can't believe S day is upon us so soon; I am really hoping to enjoy some ice cream this weekend and not go overboard!

gk · Post by gk » Sat Jan 07, 2012 1:09 am

franxious1 wrote:New York Super Fudge chunk is my poison.

Ok, just reading that made my mouth water and I've never even had it before!

gk · Post by gk » Sat Jan 07, 2012 1:17 am

This is me checking in after going overboard on chocolate.....chocolate ice cream, 2 big servings only 2 hours apart, and a big Butterfinger candybar.

This is to remind me how I feel......GROSS......chocolate is good, but too much of a good thing is never good. I didn't even enjoy the last half of my chocolate shake....but finished it anyway - just stuffed it right in. Why? Knowing how it will make me feel, I can't believe I do it over and over again......

Hopefully, I will remember to refer to this over and over, so I quit these awful binges!! I obviously know I'll end up feeling this way, but maybe reading it in black and white will be a little more convincing than my memory. UGH.

Off I go to watch fitness videos while sitting on the couch and eating cheetos........kidding.

franxious1 · Post by **franxious1** » Sat Jan 07, 2012 1:59 am

Gk...do you think it's possible the binge was somehow triggered by focusing too much on chocolate ice cream? I'm asking because last week I binged after reading the thread on ongoing S day support. Of course, the binge was entirely my fault, but in the back of my mind, I was thinking some (false, demented) thought like: other people binge, so I can too!

I just can imagine myself going overboard after thinking too much about treats I wish I could have.

My binge happened last weekend. I am terrified of tomorrow, honestly, since the scale went down a bit this week. I don't want to wreck the whole thing. Anyway, the binge is my number one thing I'd like to figure out how to get rid of, even more than the weight!

Don't beat yourself up (you don't sound like you are). It's just one day.

determined · Post by **determined** » Sat Jan 07, 2012 3:11 pm

gk....Hugs to you Sweetie! This is an amazingly difficult journey, especially when binging is an ingrained habit. People who have never binged just don't understand the pull...

I just read your post about your recent goals & I just wanted to ask if you've been able to get some exercise incorporated into your weekends yet. I don't know about you, but I'm finding that it's such a huge part of being successful for me. Even if you could have your sneakers ready & when the binge is ready to eat you up, walk out of the house....or walk around the outside of the house...or drive to a park and sit in the fresh air....or...or anything to get out of the house & move around.

I've binged all my life....and I'm not in any way saying that this is just a quick or easy fix. I know how hard this is! I do believe that we have to replace our bad behavior with something positive. When I'm struggling with wanting to eat & eat without purpose I have to get busier...I knit...I go to the "Y"...I take the dog for a walk...I clean out a cabinet...I do a craft with my 6-year old...I get outside & garden (in the summer anyway

). Move yourself out of harm's way. If chocolate ice cream is the treat you want, but it also causes binges, buy a small container instead of a half gallon....at least until this is more under control. It doesn't mean you can't have a bigger container in your house someday, but this is war...prepare & win this fight. I know we have the freedom to eat more on the weekends, but we can't let our past habits set us up for failure...I can't have peanut M&M's in house. I choose to give them up because they trigger a binge for me. Fight this....you can do it. My oldest son is in the National Guard. He has spent so much time & energy training....and training & training. He hasn't been deployed (THANKFULLY), but when he is he'll be as ready as he can be. I've thought about the battle of food & how I don't treat it as a war. I let the binge take me wherever it wants to go. I stand there in the kitchen & open the fridge again & again....then the pantry...then the cupboards. I need to have a better battle plan. Just because I have the freedom to eat more food on the weekends doesn't mean I shouldn't be on guard for attacks. If I'm going to win this I have to move myself...and change my bad behavior into good habits.

Sorry if I got in cheerleader mode again....I know this is incredibly hard, but I really & truly believe you are on the verge of making a huge breakthrough. Trust the plan...you can win this.

Hugs...janie

gk · Post by gk » Sat Jan 07, 2012 11:41 pm

franxious1 wrote:Gk...do you think it's possible the binge was somehow triggered by focusing too much on chocolate ice cream?

Yeah, I think so. I even had a piece of chocolate cake for my S treat that day, but I guess if you want ice cream, cake just ain't gonna cut it! However, I've been known to binge on chocolate alot, so who knows. It's just an ongoing problem I've had almost my entire life. One day at a time.

Thanks for your support. I'll get this eventually.

gk · Post by gk » Sat Jan 07, 2012 11:54 pm

determined wrote:People who have never binged just don't understand the pull...

I just wanted to ask if you've been able to get some exercise incorporated into your weekends yet....or anything to get out of the house & move around.

I do believe that we have to replace our bad behavior with something positive. When I'm struggling with wanting to eat & eat without purpose I have to get busier...

Thanks so much for your post - appreciate your support! Yes, I know what you mean about people not "getting it" if they aren't experiencing it. My husband just doesn't understand why I just don't stop, but it's like an addiction!!

Actually, my original plan was to just stay busy and exercise whenever I had the time, but after reading some articles and posts on here, I think I'm going to try to create an "exercise addiction" for myself.....30 consecutive days of exercise time, whether it be yoga, dancing, stretching, whatever...just as long as I'm doing a set time aside for that. I'm thinking that will be better for me. Even though I'm keeping busy, I just feel so out of shape, I'm ready to do something about it.

Yes, I'm trying to stay busier to avoid snacking. It makes me feel good to get things done and believe it or not, I've decided to take up a new hobby - crocheting of all things. Never in a million years would I think that I'd take that up but for the past couple of months it's intruiged me. I LOVE to read, but I tend to want to snack while I'm reading, so I think I need something that will not trigger that.

This is a life-long addiction so it will take quite a while to overcome it. But we will.....one day at a time.

Sweetness · Post by **Sweetness** » Sun Jan 08, 2012 2:58 am

We're pulling for you!!

Of course you know they sell single serve ice cream cups at the grocery store. I have bought those, one for each person in the house, and put their names on them in the freezer. If I have a half gallon, I'll eat 3 servings in a weekend, and then feel miserable.

I'm not a big binge eater, but I have done it, and it sure makes me feel miserable. Janie had some good suggestions. I like it when she gets in her cheerleader mode.

I think you might be on to something with the exercise. Celebrate when you make it to 21 days, you'll have a habit by then.

gk · Post by gk » Mon Jan 09, 2012 11:51 am

Sweetness wrote:Of course you know they sell single serve ice cream cups at the grocery store. I have bought those, one for each person in the house, and put their names on them in the freezer. If I have a half gallon, I'll eat 3 servings in a weekend, and then feel miserable.

Janie had some good suggestions. I like it when she gets in her cheerleader mode.

That's a good idea with the smaller serving sizes.

I like her cheerleader mode, too.

Thanks, Patty!

gk · Post by gk » Mon Jan 09, 2012 12:16 pm

OK, anyone who's ever followed my check-in knows I've tried many, many mods only to end up back at vanilla. Well, this time is no exception. I've had the incredible urge all weekend to just be.....for lack of a better word....cleansed of all the sugar and extra food.

I guess I feel like I had my treats during the week, so when my binges came over the weekend (and you know they will - for now anyway), I felt even more gross about them because I had had snacks and sweets during the week as well. I think I'd rather have some reds while trying vanilla No S and know that I HAVE had some clean days inbetween those reds, than have reds AND have sweets and snacks inbetween. Ya know?

SO, I'm starting my "NO S BOOTCAMP" today. (Sounds like I mean business, right?

).......At least 30 minutes of exercise every day for 30 days and vanilla No S. Hoping to create an exercise addiction and have some days of "clean living" in there as well. Honestly, if I could send myself away to food and exercise rehab I would, so I figure this is the next best thing.

Everything else I proclaimed in my approach to No S at the beginning of 2012 is the same....the water, the rest, the accepting myself. I am in a very good frame of mind - not disgusted with myself or feeling low. I just feel like jump-starting things. I guess I'm actually in a really GOOD place and am feeding off of those positive thoughts.

Oh - except I'm gonna have to weigh myself every week again. I tried, but I just have to hop on that scale every week. Still not gauging my happiness on a number though. Just curious, I guess.

And one more thing......this is NOT a "start over" of dieting.....this is just starting the 30-day countdown for exercise.....so I'm not counting 21 days for the diet now, just counting exercise instead. SO - this will be my Day 1.......

gk · Post by gk » Tue Jan 10, 2012 1:02 am

Day 1 - SUCCESS

Exercise: Crunch's Candlelight Yoga (stretching)

Felt good to be exercising again. Little frustrated that I have to dive in with only a stretching tape, but that's something I guess. I go to the doctor about my feet tomorrow, so hopefully, that will speed things along.

Been a long time since I've done vanilla. Stuck to what I know works best for me.......lunch around 1:30-2:00; water before each meal, mid-morning after exercise, and while cooking dinner; and gum when I had the munchies.

Good thing dinner was a filling meal tonight - meatloaf, mash potatoes and veggie. Threw a banana in there for good measure.

Sweetness · Post by **Sweetness** » Tue Jan 10, 2012 3:20 am

Good for you!!

gk · Post by gk » Wed Jan 11, 2012 11:54 am

Yesterday was a FAIL. I was upset over something and headed to the food like an alcholic to the liquor cabinet. Major binge.....the kind where you blink and realize that you've finished two big desserts and didn't even taste them.

No exercise either. Binge mood kinda leaks over into the "I don't care to exercise" mood.

Shook it off today though. Ready to get back to it.

franxious1 · Post by **franxious1** » Wed Jan 11, 2012 12:27 pm

Gk,
Definitely don't let it get you down! If you get back on track right away, it will soon be an unimportant blip.

Lisa

gk · Post by gk » Wed Jan 11, 2012 9:42 pm

Thanks, Lisa.

Unforunately, I have yet another FAIL today. I started to get discouraged about my usual lack of willpower, so thought about ditching exercise again, too. I mean, if I can't even stick to a diet, why bother trying to stick to exercise?"

But then something that a friend of mine told me a long time ago popped into my mind......She said that her husband just LOVES to eat, so he exercises all the time. He's not really into exercise, but since he loves to eat so much, he has decided that it just has to be part of his daily life.

So I decided to put more focus on exercise for the moment.......I shrugged off the fact that I have yet another red on my calendar already and headed downstairs to pull up the Roku and try a new exercise routine. I tried "10-Minute Solutions: Pilates", thinking 10 minutes is better than nothing. I enjoyed myself so much that I ended up doing the entire video, a full-body workout that is an hour long. I felt GREAT afterwards and was so glad that I did it! Just that simple act totally reversed my mood.

I think I'll focus on my success with exercise each day to distract myself from my very spotty successes on the diet end of it.

franxious1 · Post by **franxious1** » Wed Jan 11, 2012 10:15 pm

Hey gk,

I am so glad you did the total body workout. That is awesome! And it's a great idea to focus on your success. There is still the rest of today to get back on track. There is no deadline!

I do a fairly tough workout with a trainer twice a week, and I credit that with making me look like I weigh less than I do. The muscles kind of pull everything together. It's a good idea no matter what, really. The older we get, the better off we'll be if we stay strong. Good work!

We're rooting for you!

Lisa

Sweetness · Post by **Sweetness** » Fri Jan 13, 2012 12:16 am

Good for you on the exercise. You told yourself 10 minutes, that's a good strategy. You can do anything for 10 minutes, and starting is often the hardest part, once you start you so often enjoy it!!

milliem · Post by **milliem** » Fri Jan 13, 2012 3:29 pm

Glad to see you not throwing in the towel completely and getting on with life, exercise and all!

I had a red day yesterday too, but am determined to get back on the greens today - and that means exercise!

gk · Post by gk » Sat Jan 21, 2012 5:19 pm

Thanks, guys.

Well, it's been a while since my last check-in. I fell back into the low-fat dieting for a bit. It felt good to be able to snack now and then during the day and not feel like a loser because of it. I was actually doing pretty good until my Mom dropped by and brought a bunch of chocolate candy, leftovers from x-mas.......

A point proven once again. If it's the house - it WILL be eaten. I've devoured so much of it - just can't have it around. I've gained a little more weight. It really has come to the point that I HAVE to quit this eating or buy some new pants.

Since I need a little jumpstart in the weight loss, I guess I'll basically combine No S with low fat.....and add a mod of a couple snacks till my stomach shrinks (if it's even capable of that anymore). I'll buy only single serving desserts for the weekend. I used to feel like I shouldn't deprive the kids just because I'm on a diet, but cutting back on the availability of junk food can only be something good for them. I can see them falling into my habits if I keep up this constant source of junk food around the house. I mean, two desserts a day isn't a good habit to get into....especially when you add in chips, etc.

I have been scheduling exercise time in every day and sticking to it. Unfortunately, my hip and feet are inflamed enough that my exercise time has turned into daily stretching time. But at least I'm keeping up with the habit, I guess.

Probably won't check in as much as I used to. I seem to obsess more about the diet when I check in daily.

franxious1 · Post by **franxious1** » Sat Jan 21, 2012 8:05 pm

Hi Gk,

I had a similar realization, that my S day meals are so large that I am preventing myself from losing weight. I've decided to try to cut down on the amount a bit (yes, it fit on a plate, but if you're eating high-calorie food, you shouldn't have a whole plateful of it).

Of course your stomach can still shrink! I can hear your bummed-out tone, and I hope making some new committments will make you feel better. I also have the same issue with keeping junk food in the house. Sometimes I can even resist overdoing it for a few days or weeks, but sooner or later I'll get in that bad frame of mind and if the junk food is there, I'll eat it. So it's always better for me not to have it. It's hard to resist buying it, that's for sure.

Hope the rest of the weekend goes well!

Lisa

gk · Post by gk » Tue Jan 24, 2012 12:13 pm

MONDAY - FAIL

Did pretty good until around 4:00. Then, I noticed our Hershey Kiss chocolate supply was almost gone and snarfed down the rest of those. We're making it a family thing this time....no sweets unless it's the weekend (NEVER done that before!), so we will literally no longer have a sweet drawer in the house. Looking at those kisses with that thought in the back of my mind made me a little reckless.

The kids eyes widened and their jaws literally dropped when we told them of the new plan. My husband told them we're doing it cuz Mom and Dad are getting fat, but I quickly corrected him and told them that we are just trying to eat more healthy. Last thing I want to do is start any binge-inducing way of thinking with the kids!! I wonder if we should be more gradual about this change, as I have a feeling that they very well might binge with this new plan starting all at once. Will have to monitor that....

This actually really makes me nervous as even though I've actually been successful for short bursts on this diet now and then, I've always had the cushion of sweets in the house in case I felt like throwing in the towel for a bit. It will be interesting to see how bad the withdrawal is from each individual in this family!

Oh, on a bright note - I'm still sticking with my exercise/stretching. It's already to the point that I DON'T like it if I can't do it for some reason. Last night I did a new Karen Voight video - "Full Body Stretch". Haven't done one of her videos for ages. She looks a little different....boob job and aged about 15 years, but she still does a good job.

gk · Post by gk » Tue Jan 24, 2012 10:20 pm

Okay, let's make this simple - won't bother logging successes and fails now, as the reds will probably greatly outweigh the greens for awhile - too discouraging to see all that red.

As the chocolate desserts slowly fade from the house, my snacking is increasing out of anxiety - it's like a drug addict watching someone sweep out all the drugs in their home.

I guess I'm back to the "pretty good" and "not so good" days. I think I can handle to see that on my thread.

I even threw out the idea that maybe we should buy enough for everyone to have ONE dessert per day instead of setting ourselves up for binges on the weekend. My husband said, "yeah, right"

. I know, I know.....

gk · Post by gk » Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:38 pm

Feeling better today. In fact, I might just have a shot at an actual success today. Funny, how my willpower fluctuates so much from one day to the next.

I cannot BELIEVE I did this----

I told my husband how much I weigh today. I haven't told him how much I weigh in about....2 years now. I think I'm desperate enough that I must be subconsciously using him to keep me in line....

He's always been very nice about my weight gain - polite, doesn't say anything about it, says it doesn't bother him. But since I've gained 25 lbs. in the last 2 years

, he obviously has noticed.

What makes me telling him such a big deal is that this is a guy who has a miniscule bit of fat around his waist and he's totally disgusted by it. That's why I've always not divulged my weight info to him before.....I know he's so disgusted by him being about 5 lbs. overweight (at the very most) that my extra weight can't do anything but disgust him as well. I know he can obviously SEE the weight gain on me, but somehow I feel if he doesn't know the actual number, and I dress in a way that hopefully covers some of the weight gain, that I've at least got that much hidden to myself. (whole lotta logic there, huh

)

After I told him, I immediately felt totally exposed and embarrassed. Funny, since I have my weight in my signature line where many people can see it in black and white every day, but as soon as I tell my husband I feel like hiding in the bottom of a closet somewhere. You could tell he was surprised that I weighed that much - not because of how I look, I'm sure, because he can obviously see it, but because it had gotten that bad. He didn't say anything. Just got quiet. That's even worse.

Anyway, that gave me the idea that since his knowing seems to have that much influence on me, I'll take it one step further....I've tried the food log before and it didn't work out very well. I can write down here that I've binged or at least overeaten and I know everyone here will understand, but if he knows (ALOT of my bingeing and snacking of sweets has been hidden from him), I'll tend to rethink it more before I go ahead and dive in.

SOOO....I'm starting to keep a food journal on the dry erase board on the fridge. That way I'll be accountable for everything that I eat daily to anyone who walks by the kitchen. I could easily omit binges or snacks that I happen to sneak when he's not around, but I'm such an awful liar, he'd know immediately.

After re-reading this it sounds like he's very controlling over what I do/eat, etc. which couldn't be further from the truth. I guess my embarrassment just takes over when he knows how much I've gained/eaten, so I might as well use that, as nothing else seems to be working anymore.

Well - I just had to get all of that out. This always seems to be the best place for me to vent.

Hopefully, this will work for me. We'll see.....

Sweetness · Post by **Sweetness** » Wed Jan 25, 2012 10:50 pm

We're pulling for you GK,

gk · Post by gk » Thu Jan 26, 2012 2:51 am

Sweetness wrote:We're pulling for you GK,

Good to know - thanks.

I actually had a VANILLA No S success today, so I had to mark that down!! Been so long, I kinda forgot what it felt like - kinda good actually! Will have to do that again.

mimi · Post by **mimi** » Thu Jan 26, 2012 4:23 pm

Hi gk!

Please remember that a number on the scale does not define you as a person...it's simply a number, and you are so much more than that!
I find that posting things on my refrigerator (like using my calendar as my habitcal) in plain view for me, or anyone else, is very helpful. Gook luck!

Mimi

franxious1 · Post by **franxious1** » Thu Jan 26, 2012 6:10 pm

Hey gk,

How are you doing? I agree that the number on the scale is not who you are. Think of your best friend (aside from your husband); if he or she gained 25 lbs, you'd still love him or her, right? Although you might feel bad that she's going through a rough time.

Lisa

gk · Post by gk » Fri Jan 27, 2012 12:06 pm

You know Mimi and Lisa - you're absolutely right. I may be heavier than I was, but I'm more than a number....and I would never treat anyone else less because they gained weight. So, if someone else can't handle the fact that I'm heavier, that's their problem! Thanks for the pick-me-up!

Came across two weight-loss success stories today that I found interesting.....

One was in the media....Kelly Preston (John Travolta's wife). She lost a ton of weight from, guess what.....exercising and eating in moderation.

Also, just saw a picture of my husband's cousin. Within a year, she's lost a TON of weight from guess what......cutting out a bunch of sugary drinks and eating in moderation. Hmmmm....seeing a pattern here. Goes to show that you don't need any fancy gimics or rules to lose weight. Just common sense with food and keeping active is all that matters.

This was a good reminder to me that if I don't stick with vanilla No S perfectly, I can still feel like I'm succeeding. A little mod here and there and just watching what I eat (healthy vs. crap) is still progress.

I've been having luck with that lately. Of course, I have a cold so my hunger is curbed right now, but just looking at it with a different frame of mind can make all the difference.

gk · Post by gk » Sun Jan 29, 2012 2:34 am

Actually had a successful VANILLA No S day today. Kind of had some help though.....woke up with an even worse cold today - the perfect appetite suppresant.

Haven't stretched for three days now - oops. Only took one day off for me not to care about it. However, right now, I'll use the excuse of not feeling well and me craving a nap as it being okay.

gk · Post by gk » Sun Jan 29, 2012 4:14 pm

Weighed in today - lost 3 lbs. this week! Instead of trying to load up on tons of low-fat foods, I've been having very small meals that are low fat and just a small amount of what everyone else is having at dinner. I've found that if I have alot of veggies and fruit, I eventually get so sick of it that I end up bingeing on junk. So, at the moment I'm again paying attention to what I'm actually hungry for and then just making sure it's not high in fat. Ultimately, that seems to have always been successful for me - eating what I'm really hungry for, not what I should be eating.

However, I do realize this cold is the only reason I've had luck this week. It's made me feel like I have next to no appetite. I'm just hoping that some habits maybe will have taken hold by the time it's over, and I'll be better at having smaller amounts.

I haven't lost weight in a LONG time, so this is very encouraging.

Sweetness · Post by **Sweetness** » Mon Jan 30, 2012 3:38 am

Happy for you!

gk · Post by gk » Tue Jan 31, 2012 10:21 pm

Sweetness wrote:Happy for you!

Thanks.

gk · Post by gk » Tue Jan 31, 2012 10:23 pm

I'm eating Oreos right now. Apparently, I'm over the rough patch of my cold.

A little stress today made me go "what the heck".

Tomorrow is another day.

gk · Post by gk » Thu Feb 02, 2012 2:08 am

Yes, today was another day......that involved Oreos. The good news is that since I've cleared out the house of other foods that was the only thing I "cheated" with. I've been eating more than I should, but it's all low fat, so I guess it could be worse.

I almost wish I had my cold back so my hunger would vanish (that's pathetic).

I have five weeks until we leave for our spring break trip to a place that requires the dreaded SHORTS. I probably don't fit into too many of them anymore, so I need to get with the program and fast. Even five pounds would help me out alot with this.

Saw a cute thing today.....someone posted a picture of a system they use-----they have two jars that track their weight loss. One jar is labeled "Pounds Gained" and the other jar is labeled "Pounds Lost". Then they just transfer the marbles from one jar to the other as they lose weight. Kind of a visual to keep on the counter. Neat, huh?

gk · Post by gk » Fri Feb 03, 2012 12:25 pm

gk wrote:Kelly Preston (John Travolta's wife)....She lost a ton of weight from, guess what.....exercising and eating in moderation.

Also, just saw a picture of my husband's cousin. Within a year, she's lost a TON of weight from guess what......cutting out a bunch of sugary drinks and eating in moderation. Hmmmm....seeing a pattern here. Goes to show that you don't need any fancy gimics or rules to lose weight. Just common sense with food and keeping active is all that matters.

There was more to this than I heard.....come to find out (in an interview in People), Kelly Preston's diet was more than eating in moderation....her mealplans were very healthy but very strict. She was eating small meals and small snacks, but her foods were very low cal and she RARELY had a splurge. And she exercised ALOT. That's ALOT different from the report I heard on the radio.

Also, found out my husband's cousin's weight loss didn't come by with "No S- like" changes either. First of all, it happened over a time period of about 5-6 months - fast!! Apparently, she's now down to eating only 400 calories a day!! Definately more than giving up sugary drinks and eating in moderation. She looks GREAT, but as we all know here - that is NOT sustainable. Not to be a pessimest, but one day I'm sure she'll crack and find herself in a dark corner, cradling a gallon of Rocky Road, with chocolate smeared all around her mouth.

I only say that because I've been there, done that!

That being said, I'm still changing my eating plan to be a little more strict now. I'm fine with eating low cal foods now, but I'm eating too much of them. Like I said, the shorts are looming in my near future and I need to do something about this quick, so I'm sticking with what I'm currently doing and cutting out snacks and cutting down on quantity. In that sense, I guess you could say I'm doing vanilla No S again, but with smaller plates and only low cal foods. What makes this different than my failed attempts before is the S's.....instead of having S weekends, I will just have S's sporadically, but very few and far between. There will be no plan to have them at all, no set time or day. I'll just go without, but if the occasion arises (out for a special day) etc. I'll allow a small taste. Otherwise, I'm in diet bootcamp for the next 5 weeks.

I think I'm actually ready for this. Funny.....if I don't have a set time in the near future that I know I can have sweets I actually do better. I obsess SO much less and am more content. Whatever works, right?

Oh, and I finally scheduled a physical - on Feb. 23rd. I'm very interested in the results of this appointment, as I've never had my cholesterol checked before. Two of my brothers have dealt with high cholesterol and with me being 40 now, I thought it'd be best if I get checked. Also, my grandma had diabetes (my mom's been lucky with that so far though), so that's always in the back of my mind, too. You know....with all the talk of being "pre-diabetic" and all. With my eating/binges history, I'm almost afraid of the results.

Okay....here I go....

gk · Post by gk » Sat Feb 04, 2012 4:03 am

Wow - I did it. I made it through today on a very strict meal plan and was okay with it.

Breakfast: Oatmeal with cinnamon and raisins

Lunch: Thin bagel sandwich, consisting of whipped cream cheese, honey mustard, ham, swiss cheese, pineapple and lettuce (sounds gross, but it's actually good), with some carrots and a banana

Dinner: Passed the test......tried a new recipe that was AWESOME, but I just stuck to the plan of half my plate a salad and a quarter of it being what everyone else was eating, which was "Cheesy pizza in a crock pot" - YUM. Oh, I also had a banana.

NO snacks today. NO sweets. NO overflowing plates.....alot of plate showing actually. Chewed gum while we watched a movie.

Resisting munching/treats on a Friday night? Didn't know I was capable without an eye twitch forming.

Gosh, I think I can do this. I think I'm finally ready.

determined · Post by **determined** » Sat Feb 04, 2012 2:30 pm

What a terrific day!!! You did great! Fridays are difficult & you conquered it - yeah for you!

janie

gk · Post by gk » Sat Feb 04, 2012 3:45 pm

Thanks, Janie.

Well, I weighed in today, not expecting much, considering my Oreos binges this week. Guess what? I lost another pound! Now I'm up to 4 lbs. lost! Goes to show how much I can accomplish if I take out the vast amounts of sweets I usually inhale during a week, not to mention the quantities I was getting up to.

So, I figure in my little diet boot camp I've put myself in, if I lose 2 lbs. per week, I'll be at a 13-lb. loss by spring break. I'll cut myself some slack and put the goal at a 10-lb. loss, to throw in a little reality there. I know I can do it, because that's what I did with my first attempt of No S. And at that time, I even had my S Day splurges, which I'm ommitting this time, so my results could even improve from that. Now, each meal is healthy and not sparse, but since I was eating WAY to much before, it is still a huge decrease in food. Plus, I'm putting in an S every great once in a while, so I don't "crack".

I will feel SO good about myself if I can reach this goal. Not so much because of the number (however, that part will be really nice), but because I remember how good I felt physically at that weight and I want to be there again. Plus, it'll make packing for the trip SO much easier.

What's been helping me in the past couple of days is focusing on what I'm liking about this plan versus what I "have to live through"........

I think about fitting into smaller clothes, but more importantly, being comfortable at a healthier weight.

I think about how nice it is not to have to deal with all the frustration and guilt I have when I'm eating too much and bingeing.

I think about how nice it will be just to follow this plan and not re-assess everything all the time.

I think about how good I feel without all the sugar in my body all the time. How much "lighter" I feel.

And finally, I think about how now all I have to do is literally just wait to see the weight fall off. I'm DOING something about it and not just whining about how I can't.

Over half of this battle is mental, I swear. If I'm in the right state of mind it's SO much easier.

So that's my personal goal I'm pledging here for the world to see.....10 lbs. by March 7th. I am SO determined about this. Bring it on.

Sweetness · Post by **Sweetness** » Sat Feb 04, 2012 6:26 pm

gk,

I think you have a key here, focus on how good you are going to feel when you succeed. I know when I'm at a lower weight I have so much more energy! I love that! At my age it's not so important how I look, although that's definitely a plus when I'm at a healthier weight. It's how I feel! Not carrying around extra weight, I would feel so much better in my knees and joints!

Keep your focus on the positive.

Pangelsue2 · Post by **Pangelsue2** » Mon Feb 13, 2012 6:39 pm

Good for you GK and good plan. You sound very positive and that is always a good plan.