Sinnie 2012

[Sinnie]

Hey Liz,

I was actually thinking this morning I should update - so ironic to see your message after that thought. Thank you for asking. I have been OK. I have still had some binge episodes and some tame days. This morning I weighed in at 120.5 I did eat out many times this week as end of year tends to have lots of events. It probably won't stick but still...I don't like it at all. Feeling very fat. My shorts were too tight to wear which is disheartening.

I will try to get back to Vanilla, as I think it's my only option. I was with a friend last night who is very slim and she said she eats snacks (like a fruit mid morning etc) but I know I'd never be able to do that without slipping into bad habits. I don't get why some people don't binge. I wish I was like that. This friend most definitely watches what she eats, no junk etc but at the same time pretty clearly doesn't seem to binge ever. what it must be like...

Anyways, just trudging along...Glad to hear you are taming the binge monster - very happy for you!!! Keeping going my dear, hope the weekend goes well

xo

[MJ7910]

i can relate to you. i am at a lower weight but have the binge problem. i am about 5'4" 130 but want to be just a little less. i think if i quit the binging problems i will be less, my weight will stop going up. funny how i ate more and weighed more and didn't have this binge problem and now that i weigh less it comes back. i lost about 25 lb earlier in 2011-2012 and then gained about 10 of it back. so it's similar in that binge problems can effect people who are at a lower weight too.

[lbb (Liz)]

MJ: How did you lose those 25 pounds? Moderation?
Sinne: Glad to hear from you! Ya I may not be bingeing, but I HAVE been having a nightly treat. Probably in the arena of about 500 calories, not moderate by any means. I've been at that "eat 3 healthy meals all day and look forward to a treat" stage. Which I've done before. I know it's not sustainable, but I was getting out of hand with the deprivation/all-or-nothing.
I think, as someone referred to on another thread, sometimes us with "eating disorders" (binge eating or what-have-you) may not do well with the FAIL (red) or SUCCESS! (green).
I know last night I had some pineapple before dinner but didn't think anything of it.
Still ate dinner. Then dessert. I normally would have gone into a full-blown tailspin.
I"m missing the light "N-DAY" feeling for sure. But it's usually coupled with the over-the-top "S-DAY" bloat.
For now, I'll take the moderate not too awesome, not too awful feeling.
For the record, Sinnie, I hear ya on the shorts being snug and not feeling great. I'm normally your "heavy" (120) and I'm at about 126. I'm sure taking away a nightly treat would do the trick, but for now I'm just avoiding the bingeing and if that's what it takes, so be it.
Take care Sinnie. Keep trudging.

[Sinnie]

MJ - congrats on losing the weight. It's so hard to lose those last 10 lbs. I am glad other people can understand this binge problem. Sometimes it feels so isolating!

Thank you Liz, it's so nice to hear your encouragement. Perhaps I should make an effort to start posting regularly again. I am sort of in the same mindset - eating dessert every day but need to refocus on allowing that INSTEAD of binging.

Thanks for the insight! So glad its the weekend and work is officially done for the summer

[Sinnie]

I really need to re-focus. I'm surprised how long I've let these bad habits go and not lose this bit of extra weight. I just...don't feel like it most days.

Anyways, I saw a friend yesterday. She is very tiny and used to be overweight. Anyways, I asked her how she eats. I said do you eat 3 meals? She said yes, 3 meals, doesn't snack, but has dessert every night because she really craves it. She does run everyday, too. Interesting. I said to her, when I do that I find it works extremely well for weight maintenance and she agreed. Wish I could stick to it like I did months ago

Well, I think I need to start logging again:

I always have a coffee with a bit of milk early in the morning with no food.

Breakfast was a piece of pb & j toast, yogurt, fruit, bite of blueberry crumb cake, milk

*In between I had some pomegranate juice with water

Lunch was a few bites of spinach salad, chicken, fruit, and I allowed myself a piece of blueberry cake with a latte

Dinner TBD

[lbb (Liz)]

Hi! So happy to hear from you!
Don't have time or computer to write much other than a "hear hear"!
You make some great points and I cannot wait to catch up soon. Take care.

[Sinnie]

Ahhh me too Liz!!! I've been feeling crappy and unmotivated. Just ate a bunch of fruit and went back to the kitchen to really 'do it up'. But for some reason, seemingly outside of my control, walked away. Been thinking about going into the kitchen to get something, then came on this board, so hopefully I can stick it out. Just don't care right now though...bored, lonely, and a bit anxious. Oh food would make it so much easier!

I should update on dinner. Ate at Ikea: few meatballs, some fries and pasta. Few sips of mountain dew, and a diet pepsi.

[Sinnie]

So I binged last night. I then started to read about binge eating and am in the belief I will never change. The only conclusion I came to was to force myself to stop doing by creating new habits that will eventually stick. Create a new pathway in my brain. That will take some immense work.

If you are interested in my binge, I just had some fruit at night because I was feeling hungry. I promised myself I would only have that. But it triggered that mouth-feeling where I need food in their pronto. I was home alone. So I grabbed a caramel chocolate chip rice cake and slathered some peanut butter on there. Then had a few craisins. Warmed up a piece of blueberry crumb cake. Then decided I should at least *enjoy* the food, so I made a decaf latte and heated up another slice. While waiting for that, I had some cookie dough ice cream.

You can imagine how I felt going to bed. Woke in the middle of the night with heartburn. I know all this will happen. And I still don't care. Weight was 119.5 this morning. Of course it's not a bad weight, but for me it's been my constant binge weight and I'm not changing it.

I need to decide what my limits are and begin a journey of habit formation based around what works for me. I absolutely cannot allow free for all days on the weekends. I am not programmed to handle all circumstances and emotions without food - sometimes I am totally fine - but it doesn't take much to revert to the binger in me.

Need to do some thinking.

[lbb (Liz)]

Hi, Sinnie. I'm so sorry about last night. We've all been there and at that moment you are just so in the "what the heck" syndrome that you don't even THINK about the after-affect in the morning. So you had had dinner at Ikea, felt hungry and had some fruit......binge.
I do think you're right about setting some GROUND RULES for exactly what you can and cannot do. It sounds like the S day thing is not gonna work, as it doesn't for me. I have too much of a harness on all week and cannot handle the freedom/sick feeling of S days.
But last night, if hungry after dinner, maybe you tell yourself you can eat at breakfast and simply cannot have a snack no matter what. Cuz' it's leading to bingeing.
I actually felt hungry last night cuz' we had an early dinner and SO wanted to get something but also knew it wouldn't just be ONE thing. It would probably be different if I weren't surrounded by people right now and embarassed to binge, so I had nothing. I survived. And had a nice breakfast.
The last few days I've had sweets but 3 meals and no snacking. i really think the snacking and happen-stance eating is a foundation for bingeing.
Sounds like the root of your bingeing, however, may be that there's no one around...
I'm doing okay now since all my eating is public...sweets and all so I can overeat but not go into a full-blown binge. Plus, watching others is very helpful.
But I do worry for my real world at the end of the month.
The being alone, bored, or what-have-you.
Sending good vibes your way. Don't over-think things.
Set some ground rules and close the gates. Maybe, since you don't like sit-down plated meals, you have a "feeding time". Like 15-20 minutes at a meal to enjoy the foods you like (snack style or whatever), but after or before those times, it's not possible.
I don't know. But you have the answer within. We all know ourselves best, I think.
Take care. xo

[Sinnie]

Thanks Liz. I have still been doing my snacking thing and not really trying. Today was the first day of pretty normal eating actually. I decided to keep things simple, I'll just have a meal that contains one carb, protein and fruit/veg. Simple and takes away from some guessing on what to eat.

W: 119

Breakfast was 1/2 a whole wheat naan with one egg and piece of bacon and nectarine.

Lunch was some chicken breast, pasta and blueberries/cherries.

Dinner was a ham and cheese sandwich and coleslaw.

All plated and yummy.

Now, I was out for the whole afternoon and once I got home at around 8pm - I felt starving. So, I thought maybe I should make a latte or have some juice. I had some 100% pomegranate juice lying around so I had that. But it seemed to intensify my hunger. I knew danger was around the corner (home alone to boot). I thought an option might be to have some fruit or salad etc. But I remembered the last time that happened and how bad it turned out.

Then I had another thought strike me. I always feel full after a coffee and dessert. It's normal to plate something, make a cup of coffee, eat and be done with it. I knew a binge was coming on. I thought that if I binge anyways, what's the harm in starting it off in style. If it's enough, then fantastic; if not, well, I was going to binge anyway. So I made a latte, grabbed the last piece of blueberry cake from the freezer and the two slices were stuck together which kind of formed a fairly size-y piece. I heated it up in the microwave, made my decaf, frothed the milk and brought it to the computer. As I ate and enjoyed, it really seemed I was satisfied AND no longer in the mood to binge. I didn't even eat the whole piece. It came apart once warmed up and I ate the one piece instead of the large slice that stuck together.

I think this is what happened here. If I had fruit, it's pretty clear in that state of mind and feeling so hungry, it would lead to more. But somehow, I felt so normal being able to take a piece of dessert and not eat it at the counter before someone sees me, but even alone, bringing it out in the open and taking the time to eat it properly with a beverage. I feel so relieved - not full, not hungry, perfectly sated.

Wow. One night a success in my books, finally.

[lbb (Liz)]

Hi! I've been off the radar for a bit but it's nice to check in once in awhile and see how you're doing. I'm so proud of this moment for you. It really is about savoring, plating, enjoying and not "punishing" or being ashamed of what goes in your mouth.
You treated yourself royally, as you deserved.
SUCCESS!
Keep at it, girl....one success at a time.

[Sinnie]

Thanks for the encouragement Liz. Things were so-so after that.

But then a few days ago I came across the 400 Calorie Fix book. Without getting into the who, what, when of everything, I've been giving it a shot and ever since the binges have just stopped. Pretty amazing and although I haven't been actually following it, the premise has been very good in terms of guidelines for me.

Recently I've been going through some rough times. Nothing serious, but feeling very depressed with some things in life that just don't want to go my way. You know, the whole "why isn't life fair for me, everyone else has it so easy" yada yada. I need a distraction and I think paying closer attention to my eating is a great distraction. As a bonus, I'll feel great and look better.

So, I am going to do the 400 Calorie Diet and still attempt 3 meals to start (may eventually do 4). So, I'll still be doing no snacks, I guess you could say no seconds, but sweets are allowed (the trade off is less filling foods). But miraculously allowing sweets if I want has made me NOT want them! I've had these amazing ice cream bars in the freezer for over a week, and had two. Not even on a binge.

I hope no one feels offended that this is rather NOT No S and I'll be posting here about it. But it's sort of a mod if you will

Starting Weight: 119.5

Breakfast: 400
Toast with peanut butter and jam
coffee with tbsp evap. milk
yogurt with chia seeds and sliced almonds

Lunch: 710*
roti and cheese - 200
ice cream sandwich - 230
3 small pieces of dark chocolate - 160
dried cranberries and prunes - 100
almond milk - 20

*Lunch was obviously a mishap. I was having a really bad morning, crying for an hour and just miserable. I didn't binge, but I certainly comforted myself with food. I had no what-the-hell feelings about it though. Moving on.

[lbb (Liz)]

I don't think anyone would be offended about what works for you!
Just hope you don't get too fixated on calories, ya know. But I think that most of us have a great idea as to what meal has how many calories without even counting! Sad, but true.
So you eat 3 meals/day of 1200 calories?
But, sweets if you compensate on the other meals?
Sounds intriguing.

I'm sorry, Sinnie you had a bad morning and felt miserable. I hope today is better. I'm glad you didn't comfort yourself with food, though.

Here's to peace with eating and peace of mind!! xo

[Sinnie]

I am ready to start posting again. I really fell off track since the summer and hesitated posting again, admitting my failures.

My weight has permanently gone up, hovering around 120 lbs. It's not bad but I am certainly not happy with it. I feel the difference.

In the summer I tried counting calories and even read French Women Don't Get Fat, and after seeing it in person (vacationed in Europe in August) I thought I'd follow that plan upon being back in Canada, but that never happened. I just continued binging.

I turned 29 in August too. My youth certainly is starting to feel distant for some reason. I have been trying to get pregnant for months, and nothing is happening, which is both depressing and disconcerting. So, I haven't cared much about my weight as my obsession has shifted. Work started up again in September, and that had me a little depressed and quite stressed to boot. Life's been a bit sucky. But I really shouldn't complain - it could be a lot worse.

As I contemplated getting the binging under control, I thought back about my dieting history. The only plan that ever took weight off was No S. It's a shame I ever tried others.

I was reading old posts and 3-0-7 girl's really inspired me to get back on to the 3 meals a day all the time. No S days, because I struggle hugely when I snack or whatnot to get back on track. A small sweet as part of a meal will be considered OK. I do still pick a lot at things here and there while prepping dinner - need to stop that ASAP.

Overall, today was a success. A bit of picking but no binging.

I'm back

[Sinnie]

http://lifespa.com/2011/12/dangers-of-frequent-eating/

[Sinnie]

Today went well! I woke up much happier and relieved to feel back with it. My goal is 3 meals - whatever in those meals is fair game, will try to keep it healthy and only eat to 100%, sweets in small doses are okay.

Breakfast was 1/2 a huge homemade muffin (very sweet and fatty like cake) and a container of yogurt.

Lunch was leftover lasagna and meat sauce, and grapes.

Dinner was steak, potatoes, bean salad, piece of a muffin, piece of shortbread, and small piece of bread with homemade plum jam. YUM!

[Sinnie]

So far I have had breakfast - coffee, toast with peanut butter, container of yogurt and chunk of a muffin. Full!

Got to work and forgot there is a breakfast today provided by the Math department. Oops! Free food always gets me. BUT, I am not even going to bother getting anything. Anything that will be there, I can always get another time. Moving on and forgetting about it.

Lunch was lasagna, sunflower seeds, apple sauce and 1 square of dark chocolate from Paris

Dinner was a pita with angus steak kabob and ranch dressing, stirfry, 1.5 perogies and 1/4 muffin with coffee

[Sinnie]

I've been doing some very interesting reading on Overeaters Anonymous. I came across the founder's speech and wanted to post some quotes for my own reference.

"Let me start with the introduction of the concept of abstinence in OA. In late 1961, I had attended a powerful AA meeting. Ordinarily the speakers talked about "sobriety," but this Sunday the main speaker kept referring to abstinence from alcohol. It was the first time I’d heard sobriety referred to in that manner, and it was a revelation to me! Sitting in the back of the room, I said to myself, "That’s what’s wrong with all of us in OA. We’re not abstaining from food at any time during the day. Eating low-calorie vegetables between meals continues to feed our obsession. We must close our mouths from the end of one meal to the beginning of the next.""

I described my new idea to the group. "The word ‘abstain,’" I told them, "comes from the Greek and it means ‘to stay away from.’ We must stay away from food between meals." Some members thought it was an inspiration; others just laughed. But I wouldn’t give up.

"Out of our regular visits to AA meetings and talks with our friends in Alcoholics Anonymous, we here in the Los Angeles area have discovered a concept that has revolutionized our way of thinking about our compulsive overeating. That concept is "abstinence." Abstinence means simply three moderate meals a day with absolutely nothing in between. It means also no "meals" while we’re preparing a meal and no "meals" while we’re cleaning up the kitchen afterward."


Three moderate meals a day with nothing in between but low- or no-calorie beverages.

Avoidance of all individual binge foods.

http://www.oahouston.org/oa-founders-speech-99.html

[Sinnie]

Since I don't have specific binge foods (I will binge on anything and everything if I feel like having food in my mouth), I think my eating plan will mainly focus on avoidance of any and all food between meals.

At meals:
-eating until I'm comfortably full, never feeling awful afterwards
-no "meals" while preparing, or cleaning up
-not eliminating anything

If I don't lose weight, it doesn't really matter. I want to be able to say one day "I haven't binged in years."

[Sinnie]

I almost snacked (read: snacking turns into binging for me) last night. I literally walked to the kitchen, stopped, told myself I need to resist, and I did. Whoa, victory. I did have a light beer later with hubby, but I didn't finish.

Today is Day 4 of no binging.

Breakfast: 1/2 cake-like muffin, eggs, apple

Lunch will probably be a sausage and cupcake (we always get this when going to this one area) or maybe pumpkin spiced latte from Starbucks

Dinner not sure. But I am promising myself that I will not binge. I honestly don't want to ever again.

[milliem]

Just wanted to pop in and say well done on how you are doing since you came back! Congratulations on that abstinence victory

[Sinnie]

Thank you so much millie

[Sinnie]

Starting over. Binged last night.

Lunch was a few bites of a sausage with a ginerale and then a brownie. Felt sick after, way too rich.

Dinner was great - roast chicken, risotto, roasted pepper salad and wine. Felt tipsy from the wine.

Then decided to make some popcorn for a Saturday night treat with a movie. As I was making it, I saw these all-fruit chewy snacks I bought and wanted to try. Then I had a piece of a muffin, and some yogurt. I ate most of the bowl of popcorn, and then had another all-fruit chewy things package. Yikes. I don't know where that came from. I can't blame it on the wine - everyone else can drink and not overeat as a result.

Weight jumped from 117.5 to 121. I hope it's the salt from the popcorn.

Sigh. I never wanted to post another binge story.

[Sinnie]

Okay, well yesterday I did well all day, didn't really have an appetite but ate my three meals. I was overwhelmed/excited last night and could barely eat at the family dinner. By the time I got home I was feeling quite stressed and was craving sugar. Binged again. So distressed over not being able to stop like I thought I could if I just put my mind to it.

Another day.

B: peanut butter toast and an apple

L: 2 pieces of steak, can of seasoned tuna, some crackers, all-fruit chews, and a nut filled granola bar. 2 bites of a timbit.

D: I'll make beef ribs, pasta or rice, and some kind of veg.

[Sinnie]

So there was some snacking last night, but i was able to stop myself by deciding that maybe right now I'm not in the frame of mind to lose weight/do exceptionally well ...maybe I just need to focus on doing the best I can. That comforted me and I was able to wait for breakfast to have whatever it was that I was craving.

Today so far

Breakfast was an eggo waffle and 2 mini apples

Lunch was a bizarre combination of leftovers: beet salad with almonds, brown rice and some pasta with cheese, couple pieces of cauliflower and a yogurt.

[Sinnie]

Today was finally a very good day. I decided I need strictness back, so I said no to any sweets.

B: 1/2 bagel with ricotta

L: pasta and chicken, beet salad, apple

D: two slices homemade pizza, salad, 3 pork/shrimp dumplings, couple sweet potato pieces.

[lbb (Liz)]

Hi, Sinnie!
I haven't been on this board for some time now and I was grateful to see that you're around. It looks like you took a break for awhile and now are back.
I'm proud of you for plugging away at this and making it work for YOU.
I like your "rules", esp not eliminating anything. Or "meals" while preparing. That's where I have been lately. Picking up some bad habits again but I need to get back on track. Not for weight loss, as you mention, but for better habits.
Keep posting! You're always an inspiration!
xo, Liz

[CMThib82]

Hey Sinnie
Everytime I get on this site I check in to see how you are doing.

You seem to be back on track! Yay! Hope all is well.

[Sinnie]

Hi Liz and Crystal!!!

I am so sorry I never responded - I had no idea there were any responses on my thread Very happy to hear from both of you

I wanted to update a bit on how I'm doing. I was struggling with binging and just couldn't consistently get back on track. Then I tried something else. I call it "3 meals of anything".

It goes exactly like it sounds. I can eat whatever I want in three meals. The reason I thought of this is because once I start eating something I shouldn't, I start to binge knowing it's forbidden and can't have. So, I told myself, stop eating now, you can have this if you want in the morning. It worked!!! I'm binge free since the weekend.

Weight is 117 lbs as of this morning! Woohoo! So happy I'm finally doing something *I think* will work.

Maybe I'll track to show you what I mean:

Breakfast: eggo choc chip waffle spread w/ pb; some grapes and a ff yogurt (2 cups decaf w/ milk too).

Lunch: cheesy polenta with taco beef strips. An apple. Usually I have dessert, like a timbit and coffee, but I'm sooo busy at work and can't leave today

I'm thinking of this for dinner: barley & meatball soup, maybe a small beef taco, and steel cuts oats with chocolate chips YUM

***UPDATE: So dinner had to wait a couple hours later than normal but it didnt even bother me b/c I knew I had stuff to look forward to. I had a glass of almond milk to tide me over.
Dinner was at my mom's - delicious pork chops, potatoes and salad...and my sister made me BROWNIES. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have quite a bit! Sorta picked at it -- which usually this scenario would send me into binge fever when I got home, especially b/c I had quite a few stresses today. But I feel GREAT, honestly, better than I've felt in a long while...and no desire to binge. Did I write that?

Thanks for stopping by here ladies <3

[CMThib82]

Congrats to you. I also binge trying to be perfect. I got all the way up to 126 trying to be perfect paleo. One week doing well on no s and I am back under 124.

Can I ask. Did you get back down to 117 doing 3 meals of anything?

I am trying to ask myself if I really want it, before each meal. It really helped me yesterday.

[Sinnie]

Hey Crystal,

Yes, I've got back down to 117 doing my 3 meals of anything. It has truly astonished me because I've been having desserts everyday and whatever else I want, just no overeating. I'm not even following the No Seconds rule - I have a decent gage of when I've had enough. So, really, the only rule I follow is No Snacks. I'm hoping this can take me down to 110-115 which is my happy weight.

[NoSRocks]

Great job, Sinnie! Really glad you are finding success and more importantly, peace of mind, with your new 3 plates of anything mod! Sounds great!

[Sinnie]

Thank you sooo much NoSRocks

Things are going too well. I'm not having the usual "withdrawal" symptoms I almost constantly feel when I can't snack.

W: 117

Breakfast was steel cuts oats with peanut butter and chocolate chips (couldn't finish, just too rushed)

Lunch was bean/meatball soup, small beef tortilla and an apple. Another super busy day at work. Prob no time to go grab a coffee/sweet.

Dinner was ham, sweet potatoes and bok choy & mushrooms. Then my sister and I checked out the cafe at the bakery. I got an americano and two small cookies.

Feeling a bit hungry this evening, I'll try to hold out. May have a glass of wine with hubby. Hopefully no snacks!

[Sinnie]

Last night I made a bowl of popcorn with a tad of butter and some salt. DH didn't have any so I ended up eating the whole bowl Then, because I started, I went downstairs and had the two bites of oatmeal left from the morning, and a poptart. Stopped there. I really can't snack! It starts me on a bad path.

Weight still holding out at 117 this morning. Grateful for that.

[Sinnie]

117.5

Weekends are harder. Definitely ate more than the weekdays, but still no snacks.

B: oatmeal w/ choc chips, 1 egg, bacon, toast and orange.
L: take out slice of pizza and diet coke
D: bday dinner I prepared for DH (took me like 6 hours!) - foie gras, prime rib, parker rolls, salad and lemon meringue pie all from scratch.

Today I woke up and snacked for some reason while letting the dog out. Plus, more bday celebrations at my parents tonight. Yikes.

B: 2 parker rolls, toast with pb and j, few bites lemon pie and couple bites of brownie..oh and I broke off a piece of a pop tart.

[Sinnie]

I kinda let go on the weekend and weight is up to 118.5. Not worried about it but really did not feel great this morning like I do when I watch my intake.

B: grapes and coffee (not hungry)
L: roasted red pepper soup, a bun, grapes, beet salad and 2 mini chocolate bars
D: beef in a tortilla with cheese, 1/2 sausage, potatoes, veggies, few bites lemon pie and bowl of oatmeal with pb and chocolate chips; did pick a tiny bit (bite of parker roll and bite of lemon square)

[Sinnie]

B: ham and egg tortilla, piece of brownie, few bites of lemon meringue pie, and some grapes.

L: soup, parker roll, apple, and lemon square.

D: TBD

[lbb (Liz)]

Hi, Sinnie!
I'm catching up on your threads and loving it. I wish they still came straight to email...? Whatever.

So it looks like you are doing well! I realized you were having trouble bingeing for awhile, but the reason being: you were restricting and forbidding.
I think we're similar in that when someone says a food is "off-limits", even if for the weekend, I want it more and one bite will send me a'flying....

I've had a couple out of this world binges in the last two weeks which made me think I had to realign. Things are better now, but I really really like your "3-meals of anything.". It makes meals enjoyable and exciting to look forward to....
Even when I was having dessert later after dinner I found myself hurrying this healthy unsatisfactory meal up just to get to my later dessert. But if I allowed myself some leeway with dessert along with my meal time, I think I'd relax a bit and enjoy.

Keep posting and keep up the positive attitude!
xo

[Sinnie]

Hey Liz!

Thanks so much for stopping by and always being so encouraging

No surprise here, I am still binging. Did quite a number last night. Not sure why, I just love love love to eat and numb out. Even though things are going great recently. We are moving back to my hometown where all my family/friends are (DH is simply the best ). It was pretty unexpected but all is set for December. We got our dream house and I am soooo happy. But, still binging.

I'm just going to keep on keeping on. I did decide that i need to eliminate processed junk. I was getting on a bad track with complete crap that I usually don't eat. S-DD can eat a pop tart and thats it. It's a trigger food for me. So, I'm just going to eliminate that "stuff" (its not food) from my diet.

Read this from Judith Beck and found it was just what I needed to hear:

How can peo­ple learn that they don’t have to eat in response to hunger or craving?
I ask dieters, once they get med­ical clear­ance, to skip lunch one day, not eat­ing between break­fast and din­ner. Just doing this exer­cise once proves to dieters that hunger is never an emer­gency, that it is tol­er­a­ble, that it doesn’t keep get­ting worse, but instead, comes and goes, and that they don’t need to “fix†their usu­ally mild dis­com­fort by eat­ing. It helps them lose their fear of hunger. They also learn alter­na­tive actions to help them change their focus of atten­tion. Feel hun­gry? Well, try call­ing a friend, tak­ing a walk, play­ing a com­puter game, doing some email, read­ing a diet book, surf­ing the net, brush­ing your teeth, doing a puz­zle. My ulti­mate goal is to train the dieter to resist temp­ta­tions by firmly say­ing “No choiceâ€, to them­selves, then nat­u­rally turn­ing their atten­tion back to what they had been doing or engag­ing in what­ever activ­ity comes next.

[Sinnie]

Just for my own records, these are two books I want to read:

Brain over Binge
The Beck Diet Solu­tion: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Per­son.

[lbb (Liz)]

Sorry you're still bingeing! But I am super glad that you are moving closer to family and to a DREAM HOME! How wonderful. You will love that support closeby. I miss family, myself!

Brain over Binge sounds interesting. I have the Beck Diet Solution. I wish I could send it to you easily!

Take care of yourself today.

[Sinnie]

Hey Liz,
So I looked for the new Beck book, Thinking like a Thin Person, but Chapters didn't have it Oh well, most of the info seems to be online! They didnt have Brain over Binge either, but lots of info on the internet it seems.

I don't know why the binging continues. Every night. Curious why I can't control it. I guess I need to re-focus a whole lot. I think the problem is I haven't definitively decided how to do the plan and then I make exceptions all over the place because I'm not moored to anything.

Oops for today: pumpkin spice latte with whipped cream. Didn't even enjoy it. It just sounded great on my break. I find sweet coffees give me headaches. I would much prefer a plain coffee (I never add sugar) with a small sweet. I never understood the concept of my drink BEING my dessert. Today reminded me I still don't like it.

[lbb (Liz)]

Hahah, Sinnie!--desserts cannot be drinks in my book, either!!
I'm sorry about the bingeing. I don't know what really is considered a "binge" but I for sure have been over-doing it at night.
Today I was busy in the morn, had a good breakfast, didn't eat till 2pm and had a huge lunch.
Then chili/fruit for dinner.
Then I had a whole bag of hi-chews (these candies). There are about 500 calories in the whole bag. I just chewed on them all night.
And then my friend met me for frozen yogurt. I REALLY was full and needed nothing, but still crammed it inside.
Lame.
I'm sorry you can't find those books. I must have the old version of the BEck Diet.
I'm starting a book, "Eat what you love, love what you eat". (or something like that).
I have little time to read, and fall asleep when I start, but I'm loving just the first chapter.
Now to just APPLY things.
We know so much, but why is applying stuff SO SO HARD?
I relate. Keep on.

[Sinnie]

Thanks for the comments Liz. It does help to know I'm not going crazy, that other people too have these problems. I just absolutely have fallen off the wagon so severely and can't get back on. I just don't know what to do. My 3 meals of anything worked great, but then I started feeling guilty for including junk food in my diet, that the plan fell apart. But, I'm just eating more junk now b/c im binging. I'd have been better off just allowing it and not feeling guilty

Today I'm following that plan again:

Breakfast was a piece of toast with pb and j

Lunch was a pear, small portion of homemade general tao chicken with rice and a latte w/ a donut

Dinner was a piece of fish, rice, and zucchini salad; a slice of bread with pb and small piece of banana bread.

I'm very happy with how I did today. Feeling like I want to snack right now but it's almost 10pm so I will just get to bed shortly instead.

[Sinnie]

Weight was 119. Another day with no binge. Happy about that!

B: toast with pb and j and granola bar
L: sausage on a bun and brownie (was out with DH and we split the brownie)
D: pepper salad, chicken, whole wheat pasta, frozen veggie

I did make some brownies for S-DD and licked the bowl and had one tiny bite to try but didn't even feel like any. So relieved. Wish I could feel hungrier at this point before bed, but no binge is a great day.

[NoSRocks]

GREAT JOB, SINNIE!

[Sinnie]

Thank you NoSRocks, I really appreciate the support Have a wonderful weekend!!

[Sinnie]

I don't understand this binge cycle of mine. I would like to figure it out so one day I will be free of this. I HATE stuffing my face when no one is around - I'd rather just eat lots in front of other people. But the alone time, the secrecy of no one seeing, all that fun that accompanies it....nothing to do with hunger, but just enjoying those few minutes.

Anyways, yesterday was a bust as I was starving around 10:30am, after having plain yogurt and a homemade sweet granola bar for breakfast. It was halloween and I had chocolates for my students. So, after having avoided them up to that point, thought I'd have just one. Nope, it turned out to be like 10. Then, I couldn't stop there. It set the whole day up for muching here and there. Brutal.

Today my goal is to stick to three meals with no snacking at all, even if I have sweets. I could have learned yesterday that hunger is tolerable, but I decided not to resist. It was just so overwhelming.

W: 118.5

THIS IS TODAY'S PLAN:
Breakfast: slice toast with pb and j; small piece of chocolate chip banana bread (too full to eat my yogurt and fruit too)

Lunch: rice, chicken and brocoli in a general tao sauce; pear

Dinner: buttered noodles, beef bourginon and frozen veggies

[Sinnie]

I don't really know what I'm doing these days. Never on track.
Woke up with a terrible urinary tract infection (sorry TMI) and could not lie back down as it was too uncomfortable. So I've been up since 4am and had to come into work.

Breakfast was a yogurt, some raspberry oatmeal thingy I made and a tangerine.

Lunch was
- salad with nuts, cheese and dried cranberries
- chicken noodle soup
- half a bagel and cream cheese
- a small bun with butter
- decaf coffee with milk

Dinner will be pork tenderloin, frozen veggies and perogies.

[Sinnie]

Yesterday was actually a vanilla day except for the perogie I tried just before dinner. Pretty good.

W: 119.5

Breakfast: 1/2 bagel w/ cream cheese; plain yogurt; tangerine

Lunch: pita with chicken, spinach, cheese and blue cheese dressing; 3 perogies; 2 tangerines

Dinner: ribs, rice and spinach salad (probably)

Hoping for another vanilla day. EDIT: Nope, didn't happen. Got stressed after lunch, and very sleepy, resisted for a bit, and then dove into lots of halloween candy. Feel sick.

[Sinnie]

A few lessons I'm learning:

-as a person with a binging problem, Vanilla No S cannot work for me. I will always binge on weekends, because that is my default and given the opportunity, I will binge. I believe it was designed for your typical overweight person who does not binge eat.

-if I mess up, my automatic behaviour, even though I know better, is to keep going with the binge.

It seems based on these two points, I need to stick with a plan that allows forbidden sweets and such, in very limited quantities. No S days, because I can't handle free-for-all. And absolutely no snacking, as sometimes I start then can't stop. Dessert with meals.

This is where I am today:

Weight was 121.

B: homemade breakfast sandwich and plain yogurt

L: big bun with chicken and spinach, tangerine, plain yogurt, almonds and few organic teddy graham cookies.

D: 1 rib, 1 chicken leg, rice and spinach salad (okay and I had a couple bites of pasta while plating food).

Dessert after dinner: 1 homemade peanut butter cup

*I am starting a pilates class today at work

[moderatemeals]

Sinnie -
I've followed your posts for awhile and can definitely relate! Some of your posts seemed as though I could have written them myself. I struggle with all or nothing mentality too. Once I mess up, I just want to give up because I know I've ruined a perfect week. It's so frustrating!! I also think I have a sugar addiction because I'm never really satisfied with one serving of dessert.

Good luck. I look forward to seeing how your mod works...I might be trying it out myself!
ljk

[Sinnie]

Hi ljk2009! So nice of you to pop by here It's funny to hear that someone actually reads the gibberish I write, but I love that. Good to know I'm not just talking to myself here

Let me know how the mod goes for you if you try it. I actually had a successful day finally (post above describes). I feel calm, not the usual frantic-need-to-binge-and-eat-ALL-leftover-Halloween-candy feeling. I am telling myself whatever i want for breakfast is mine

[Sinnie]

W: 119.5

I feel really good about trying 3 meals of anything. Even though I sometimes have too caloric meals doing this, I remind myself how much more it usually is when I go wild in the evenings.

B: croissant, coffee, slice of bread with pb and honey (laid on thick), one big spoon rich caramel yogurt (the fatty kind )

L: whole wheat tortilla with chicken and cheese; 2 tangerines; 2 gumballs and an extra small decaf coffee with 2 timbits.

D: chicken, potatoes and salad. Sparkling water. Then choose two halloween chocolates for dessert. Ended up having one more, and a piece of a cookie and a walnut, and picked at a few more potatoes. I almost threw in the towel, but reminded myself that I've done relatively little damage, and i need to change my mindset on such things. So I took a sip of water and walked away. I also reminded myself that nothing is off limits tomorrow. Made it easy. Amazing how my normal reaction is that it is perfectly acceptable to binge every time I screw up.

I did have some 100% juice (small sips) and some V8 juice between lunch and dinner.

Happy with my second day! Day 2 of no binging

[Sinnie]

DAY 3 OF NO BINGING:
W: 119.5

B: croissant, toast with peanut butter, 1/4 pomegranate

L: tortilla w. cheese, chicken leg, yogurt, tangerine, mini aero

D: shrimp pasta, veggies, peanut butter cup (I had to have this awhile after dinner - circumstances didnt allow)

[Sinnie]

DAY 4: No binging

W: 118.5

B: waffle w/ pb; toasted croissant; bites of eggs

*I had an oatmeal pancake offered to me at my sister's late morning, and I took it, figuring I can factor it into my next meal. Shouldnt have taken it though.

L: 1/2 sausage on a bun, 1/2 cupcake, can of gingerale (didnt finish)

D: appetizer (borscht soup, piece of smoked salmon on a cracker), chicken, wild mushroom truffle pasta, spinach. Made smartie cookies for dessert, had one, plus batter

I am finding it easy to have dessert with a meal because you are full from the food so you dont overeat

[moderatemeals]

Sinnie -
I tried your mod yesterday and really like it! I had a little dessert after dinner but no snacks or sweets the rest of the day. I woke up feeling great and even lost a little weight. I'm going to try it again today. Maybe this is the mod for me! And I agree that if I eat dessert right after my meal, I don't overeat because I'm already full. My worst habits are solitary snacking and bingeing on desserts. Maybe this mod can keep that in check for me!

Good luck today!
ljk

[Sinnie]

So, so, so happy to hear that ljk! Isn't it amazing how it can work!? Solitary snacking and binging on sweets are my problem too. This definitely helps take care of it. Hoping to see continued success for us!!!

[Sinnie]

W: 118.5

B: 1/4 pomegranate, 1 pancake, 1 croissant with cream cheese & jam, small piece of cookie, few almonds

[Sinnie]

Well yesterday unfortunately turned out to be a snacky day. Didn't binge though! Just bad habits kicking back in and picking at sweets here & there - a danger of this mod. But, something I do no matter what plan I'm following.

Anyways, a new day. I actually may try for no sweets today, just to see how it would feel.

W: 119

Breakfast was a pb & j sandwich (didn't finish), and a tangerine.

Lunch will be salad w/ a hard boiled egg/balsamic dressing, and a 1/2 tortilla with a slice of chicken and cheese, a tangerine and leftover breakfast sandwich.

Dinner needs to be planned. Thinking chicken thighs, pasta w/ cheese and salad.

An hour past lunch and feeling hungry. Oh boy...

[moderatemeals]

Hi Sinnie -
Good job on not bingeing! I had a similar day yesterday. I really love your mod though and am finding it seems much less restrictive for me. In fact, last night I didn't even want to snack after dinner which is unheard of for me!! I had some chocolate with dinner but honestly felt full after a good dinner and some sweets. I think the fact that really there is no restrictions except not snacking is huge for me!
I'll keep you posted!

[Sinnie]

I am so happy to hear that!!! I do find it very effective too. For example, yesterday I tried to go completely vanilla, and I went a little crazy at night having 1/2 cookie, 1/2 peanut butter cup and toast w/ pb. Too much restrictions just don't work for me. I think I'm back to my 3 meals of anything mod.

B: 2 fiber waffles with butter and slight drizzle of real maple, 1 egg, 1 tangerine

L: veg soup, slice homemade pizza, apple, 1/4 poptart, small pack of nibs candy

[Sinnie]

Bad binge yesterday. Here we go again.

B: 2 tangerines, half a breakfast sandwich

L: barley soup, finished breakfast sandwich, slice homemade pizza and apple

D: meatballs, pasta and salad

[Sinnie]

W: 120

Yesterday went well. My only fail was taking a small second portion of pasta. Otherwise, no snacks or sweets!

Today has been great. My lunch was substandard and I really want to eat something afterwards, but that would be a snack, so I resisted. I figure I can always get home early and make dinner

B: 2 fiber waffles (bit of butter, small drizzle of syrup - I figure this is OK as I use so little, and I don't put sugar in coffee so that would be its equivalent), tangerine.

L: borscht soup, apple, tangerine, 1/2 sandwich (one slice bread with one slice chicken - gross, didn't finish), almonds.

D: 2 chicken fajitas; rice and beans; rapini

Yay Perfect No S

No Snacks
No Sweets
No Seconds

[Sinnie]

As I type this, I'm eating a whole bag of popcorn.

I had a depressing morning, and although I had my one plate breakfast, there came a point midmorning where I just decided not to care anymore. I had 2.5 timbits on break, and that set up the whole day for failure. I intended to contain it, but that led to more snacking, which just led to one of the worst binges I've had in a long time.

Not sure what to say. I know I'll continue to keep trying and it will be okay.

[Sinnie]

I joined the December challenge but not for No S - my goal is not to binge. I want to get that under control #1. Then the rest can follow. But I believe No S will help me accomplish that goal. I'm not going to assign failures (mentally) though to anything, because I'm just looking to stop the habit of binging.

I did have a snack at 3am because I couldn't sleep, but it was 1 perogie and 1 piece of dried fruit. No binge!

Breakfast: one poptart, cup of bran flakes w/ skim milk and spoon of peanut butter.

Lunch: felt quite hungry for lunch, and even ate it early (by chance)...apple, 3 perogies, bowl of hearty soup, and greek yogurt.

Dinner: TBD

[Sinnie]

Been busy moving houses, can hardly remember what I've eaten the past few days. Starting over with a renewed gusto.

Day 1: SUCCESS
As long as dinner is one plate, I'm golden.

[milliem]

Hey Sinnie, I moved house this summer and I forgot how draining and tiring it is! I don't blame you for not focusing on what you were eating! Congratulations on a nice green day 1

[Sinnie]

Thank you millie I am so relieved to have one day under my belt. Here's to tomorrow's success.

[Sinnie]

Last night I had a couple bites of beets, and bite of banana. Not bad. It's hard to watch DH eat at 9pm when my dinner was 4-5 hours ago. I think today will be a productive day, it's started out great (got lots of marking done!). Also, starting to walk again now that we're in a neighbourhood. Puppy seems scared though!

My tactics for today: 1) Keep VERY busy = not thinking about snacking/picking at food. 2) clean dishes while DH eats so I dont salivate continuously.


Day 2: SUCCESS

[Sinnie]

Wednesday was a binge. I am now really trying to eliminate sugar to help with cravings.

Thursday Dec. 13 - SUCCESS
B: xs coffee w/ cream and a toasted whole wheat bagel with butter and an apple

L: small bowl of leftovers (beef stew, pasta, veg), orange, whole wheat tortilla wrap with pb

D: 3 small pieces of lamb, whole wheat pasta, fibrous frozen veggies (edamame, black beans, barley, brocoli etc)

Friday Dec. 14 - SUCCESS

B: apple, 2 eggs scrambled with cheese over leftover dinner veggies; some almonds and sunflower seeds

L: grilled veggie and goat cheese sandwich

D: huge plates of wings, perogies, pasta and salad