Sinnie 2012

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Jan 08, 2012 1:57 pm

I've been thinking I need to start a new check in for 2012. I am so very busy these days but some accountability is always a good thing and it lets me see over time how much I've progressed.

Let's compare from last year this time. My check in said: "This morning I was 121 which means I really didn't change much over the holidays." For comparison, this Dec. 26 I weighed about 115. That's a drop of 6 lbs!!! And I haven't even been doing anything differently. In fact, I don't even workout anymore. The only mild difference I can think of is I've been trying to eat to 100% at meals, as I have a tendency to overeat. And I've added a dessert in everyday, usually after dinner, with a coffee. It's my favourite time of day and given that is hasn't affected my weight, I see no need to stop right now. We'll see how much of a slippery slope it is.

I have gained some weight after we went to Jamaica and then just kept on pigging out. I am up to 117 but it is temporary.

Here's to the new year!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Jan 09, 2012 12:56 pm

Monday Jan 9, 2012

W: 116.5

Breakfast was 1/2 a parker roll, 1 toast with pb &j; small glass milk and 2 cups of coffee.
Lunch will be leftover Moroccon Lamb Tagine, couscous and an apple (and water).

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Jan 19, 2012 12:26 am

I have not been doing well, binging these days for some reason. Back on track as of today.
Breakfast was oatmeal made with vanilla soy, protein powder and cinnamon. Lunch was bean/grain soup, crackers, potatoes & ham, pear and an apple. Dinner was a big plate of lasagna and salad.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Jan 19, 2012 1:22 pm

Breakfast was a small glass of orange juice, and I made a breakfast burrito. It was so good. I had bought these "ancient grains" soft tortilla's. I fried up some eggs with ham and cheese, and stuffed it inside a toasted wrap. Delicious! I hope the protein gives me energy today. I also had a couple strawberries. And coffee, of course. I am cutting back on that though. My goal is only 1 cup in the mornings.

For lunch I will have another one of those tortilla's with marble cheese, oatmeal and strawberries.

Dinner I am making lean sausages, perogies and salad (radicchio, fennel and red onion).

Should be a good eating day!

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Thu Jan 19, 2012 8:21 pm

Hi again Sinnie! Was going to say "Welcome Back!" but you haven't been away - lol! In fact, sounds like you're doing really great...soooo envious of your weight btw. I'd give anything to be 160 lbs right now, never mind 117! Aw well....

I have a very sweet tooth and since starting a new medication, it seems the craving is worse (but I haven't given in....yet!) Just curious to find out more about the desserts you have after dinner. i.e. what kind of dessert do you have? I am thinking on trying this out as an experiment - having a daily dessert....but a little concerned it might indeed be a slippery slope for myself. Great to hear that it has worked out for you so far!!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Jan 20, 2012 1:36 pm

Hey NoSRocks!

Thanks for stopping by

Since I had been binging it is nice to hear such positive words. Be kind to yourself, the weight will come off! I couldn't have imagined being in the 'teens' myself a few years ago - amazing what can happen over time WITHOUT diet pain!

Anyhow, in answer to your question - I have stopped the past couple of days with my nightly dessert only because of the binging. I hold true that my binging had NOTHING to do with my nightly dessert (I was just on a food rampage). I felt so physically awful from overeating, and decided to go back to no sweets for awhile. Just to start fresh. However, I was maintaing a low weight of 114-115 while eating dessert every night - It can be done.

Having said that, I would have a cup of coffee and usually a homemade cookie (a pretty decent size cookie too). Sometimes, a small slice of pie or brownie or rum ball or cheesecake...you get the idea! It worked totally fine and was my "ending" to eating for the day, and I knew it.

Best of luck!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Jan 20, 2012 1:40 pm

W: 116 (on its way back down, phew)

B: french toast and 1/2 an egg/ham/cheese burrito, small yogurt
L: 1/2 everything bagel, 1/2 burrito, leftover sausage and 5 perogies, some peas/carrots and strawberries
D: Anoulie's pancake's (see pancake thread), 2 slice toast with pb & j, chunk of cheese, oatmeal, yogurt, coffee. I think that was it? I know, a very odd dinner. I was by myself and in a huge rush so I looked for whatever was there and I was dying to try those pancakes. Love, love, loved them - will make again. I left the skin on the apple. I may try adding different fruit like strawberries, pears etc. Thanks Katie for the recipe!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sat Jan 21, 2012 12:54 pm

W: 115.5

I almost binged yesterday because I felt like I screwed up at dinner and was going to gain weight anyway...so glad I didn't!! I felt satisfied all day, no hunger pains. It's funny how when I feel like I didn't do things "right", I want to binge. Lesson learned! It helps that I got my hubby on board to help me stay on track too. We made a little bet/deal of sorts, and it helps tremendously! And it's fun

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Jan 23, 2012 1:11 pm

The weekend was filled with S's. Went out to a Chinese buffet Saturday night and did some damage. Sunday I made these chocolate peanut butter cups (just fooling around, no recipe) - and they were delicious. Plus some cookies here and there. Big meals. The usual.

W: 117

Back to N days...

Breakfast was big - 1 ancient grain tortilla with low fat cheese, 1 homemade parker roll with pb & j, small bowl raisin bran with skim milk...oh yeah, and a small glass of skim milk, and spoon of pb.

Lunch will be 1 parker roll, chunk of cheese and cut up strawberries and orange.

When I got home from work I was STARVING. I ate 3 parker rolls. THREE! Then I had spaghetti and meatballs, cheese on top, and veggies. I also picked at more when I was cleaning up. I was so full. Then a small square of cheesecake (didn't finish). I decided that it was somehow a good idea to have a coffee and cookie too.

I'm done for the night.

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Tue Jan 24, 2012 12:01 am

Hi Sinnie! Thanks for answering my question.

I had been thinking about trying a small dessert after dinner on N Days since I thought it might be a good way to curb my (tend to be) ott S Days!! So your guidelines/advice about the desserts was very helpful indeed.

So far, I have managed to get through this N Day Monday without a dessert after dinner... but I have been having massive cravings all day and for some reason, a bit of the old diet head/food anxiety

I've managed to get over this - a bit - by drinking lots of diet soda this evening which may not sound ideal but I definitely think its helped stop me from overeating/bingeing.

Have a great evening and all the best to you and yours!!

Anoulie · Post by **Anoulie** » Tue Jan 24, 2012 7:18 am

Aww, I feel your pain, Sinnie. That (Friday thing) happens to me a lot: I feel like I've screwed up, then say, "Whatever" and screw it up even more... it's so stupid, really. I've therefore started to implement this "fence around the law" approach: I don't drink non-watered-down orange juice on N days anymore, don't eat sweetened yogurt or drink sweetened tea... I don't really get how people can eat two squares of dark chocolate with their meals and then not have any more S foods. Or pancakes with sugar-free syrup

Good luck! Don't beat yourself up about those red days!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Jan 24, 2012 1:12 pm

Hey NoS Rocks - glad I could help with the dessert factor. Hopefully you find a good approach that works for you. Years ago I was the exact same - I would drink lots of diet soda to stop from eating. I eventually stopped doing that and don't drink it anymore (except the odd time, I just don't buy it for the house b/c no one drinks it). And now if I do have one, I get a headache. Funny eh?

Katie, your words are much appreciated. I am disappointed because I do so well and then backslide...and feel like I am starting all over. The thing I've realized is I can't really afford big screw ups because I have a very hard time getting back on track. If I think I can "make it up later" that never happens and takes days before I rectify a bad binge. I do best when I follow a 3 meal structure every day. I need rules. My personality can't handle anything else!

W: 117.5

Breakfast was pancakes (same as Friday) but made with chocolate soy milk (I needed to use it up) and put strawberries and a drizzle of real maple syrup on top. I also had a roll with pb and j, and a glass of skim milk too.

Lunch was spaghetti and meatballs with cheese, veggies, strawberries

Dinner was more spaghetti and meatballs with lots of cheese on top. I also had some salad, a roll, 3 spoons of yogurt, 4 prunes and a coffee. Can't explain why I'm so hungry.

I have a ton of marking to get through tonight. Better get started.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Jan 25, 2012 2:09 pm

Weight is holding at 117.5.

Breakfast was that same pancake (this time I added oat and wheat bran) with a drizzle of real maple, an apple, and yogurt.

Lunch was an egg sandwich, very small bowl of soup, piece of cheese, small container of yogurt and a nectarine.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Jan 26, 2012 1:56 pm

Yesterday dinner was roasted garlic and asiago ravioli, salad, rolls.
Oh, and I had a donut and coffee mid-afternoon.

Today will be perfect. I am stating that now!

Breakfast was coffee with evap milk, pb&j sandwich, grapes, one bite of yogurt (it fell in the garbage by accident, weird, I know).

Lunch will be vegetable juice, whole grain tortilla with pb&j, apple, nectarine and yogurt.

Dinner will be spinach and cheese ravioli with a rose sauce and frozen veggies.

For some reason, I'm feeling irritated today. Like I just want to screw up. It's almost like I can see myself going through the steps mentally to binge. It's like I know when I go home, I'm gonna tear through the cupboards. Not hungry at all. Just....feeling aggravated?

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Jan 27, 2012 12:27 pm

Having a hard time recently. Maybe it's just hormonal. Anyways, feeling better today.

Breakfast - slice bread with pb; banana

Lunch - a mishmash of stuff - piece of sausage, leftover fries, leftover rice, 1 chicken nugget, few pecans, 1 spoon of pb, dried fruit, fruit salad, piece bread

Seeing a friend tonight that I haven't seen in a long time. I know she is serving lasagna, and I am bringing dessert. Got a variety of nanaimo bars - and will probably be having one, or I would look weird. They should be amazing, this bakery never fails.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sat Jan 28, 2012 6:40 pm

Feeling depressed these days, which makes it hard to care what I eat.

Weight this morning was 117, which is surprising given how much I've been eating.

Breakfast was a buckwheat pancake (same recipe but with a tbsp buckwheat).

Lunch was a lot of yogurt, a big spoon of pb with chia seeds (trying this out as I struggle with blood sugar issues, I get shaky easily), 1 prune, 1 apple, milk

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 5:10 pm

I baked a lot yesterday. I made multigrain bread (2 loaves), more parker rolls (family loves them) and potica (a sweet bread with a walnut filling). All turned out very well. I love homemade

My mom always did it that way, and I guess I just naturally follow suit. I find cooking and baking so relaxing.

I made lamb chops for dinner, with baked brown basmati rice and a raddichio/fennel/onion salad with a honey mustard vinaigrette. Easy and very delicious. Dessert was a chocolate peanut butter cup step-DD made.

Breakfast today: buckwheat chocolate chip pancakes (2), with a bit of maple syrup and strawberries. 1 slice of multigrain bread with pb & j. Small slice of potica. Coffee.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Jan 30, 2012 4:59 pm

Breakfast: toast with pb & j (sprinkled with chia seeds*), glass skim milk.

Lunch was pasta, sausage meatballs, veal (all sprinkled with chia), an apple and bottle water.

Dinner was a pork chop, rice, frozen veggies, and a piece of bread. Homemade vanilla soy latte after dinner (I just brewed a shot of espresso and nuked some vanilla soy in the microwave).

*Experimenting with chia seeds - definitely seem to be helping keep blood sugar more stable.

Yay, a successful day! I am even going to do 15 minutes of exercise

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Jan 31, 2012 2:28 pm

Weight this morning was 116.5. I am feeling much better and motivated to really do 3 meals a day only.

Breakfast is 1/2 slice bread with pb & j & chia seeds and a piece of potica.

Not sure about lunch or dinner. I don't need to go into work today as it is exam time and we can work from home. I am also going to visit my best friend and her baby, and see my mom too. It will be great BUT this could derail me if I'm not careful. I believe it will be fine. Just dont snack, easy right?

So it went well today, very proud of myself! Kinda felt like having something when I came home, but just told myself I can have whatever I want for breakfast and made a decaf coffee with a bit of vanilla soy and small bit of sugar.

Lunch was a bowl of veggie soup, 2 slices of buttered bread with some beef, 1/4 potato.

Dinner was more of that veggie soup with 2 pieces of bread broiled with cheese, piece of fish, rice, corn, peppers.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:07 pm

W: 116.5

Breakfast was an egg, whole grain tortilla, apple and small piece of potica leftover from yesterday's breakfast, smidge of pb.

For lunch I will be out a restaurant with my department. I was looking at the menu thinking I should get a lighter option, and then thought forget it. I'll just get what I like and eat however much I need to feel full. That may mean I won't feel like dinner or will have a smaller dinner. But none of this other nonsense trying to find what is lower in calories. That has never affected my weight. Only binging does.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Feb 02, 2012 4:37 pm

Struggled yesterday. Did not do well.

Breakfast today was a small piece of bread with pb&j and yogurt with chia seeds.

Lunch was a few slices of kolbasa, baby carrots and a big piece of potica (sweet walnut bread).

Had lots of coffee today (more than usual). Typically it makes me shaky but so far today I'm okay, I wonder if it's the chia seeds? Who knows. I did not sleep well at all last night, so I am extra tired. Lots to do at work. Sigh.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 3:47 pm

Dinner yesterday was whole wheat seafood pasta, 1 parker roll, coleslaw (huge bowl) and veggies. Few sips of Coke.

Breakfast - 1 slice toast with pb/j/chia and yogurt. Few sips OJ/mango/rasp juice.

Lunch - whole wheat pasta with some marble cheese. Coleslaw.

Dinner (will be) - chicken legs, perogies, veggies or cuke/tomato salad.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Feb 08, 2012 4:13 pm

I have been doing horribly, hence the lack of posts. Weight is up to 119.5.

B: coffee
L: sandwich, nectarine, way too much dried fruit and nuts

Strawberry Roan · Post by **Strawberry Roan** » Sun Feb 19, 2012 2:25 pm

Sinnie wrote:I have been doing horribly, hence the lack of posts. Weight is up to 119.5.

B: coffee
L: sandwich, nectarine, way too much dried fruit and nuts

If you are doing horribly, that is even more reason to post. We are here to support each other. You are not that far gone, just brush yourself off and start over.

I know that if I post here EVERY DAY and honestly list the foods I eat and the exercise I do, the weight falls off. If I don't (and I even think in my mind, no way am I going on that board and telling them how I am eating), the weight creeps back on.

I am watching you, so get back here.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 4:15 pm

Thanks so much for checking up on me, Berry. It's so nice to see I am missed

Well, things did start to go better, I was down to 115-116 - and then WHAMO - 119 this morning? I hope its water weight. I mean, I usually dont gain unexpectedly like that over night. I am so used to the scale fluctuations that it doesn't upset me, but I wonder if my snacking was that out of control (I haven't a tendency to deceive myself - time will tell).

I do have a mod that I've implemented, and it's working really well. I can have any fruit or veggies (with minimal or no added fat) at any time. It's sort of a safety valve and it's only helped me so far.

Today's food:

Breakfast: toast with peanut butter w/ 2 cups coffee (one black, one with evap. milk)
Lunch: minestrone soup and 2 yogurt containers

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Feb 22, 2012 4:00 pm

118.5 - I don't get how my weight shot up - fairly unusual to have it happen overnight from past trends.

I haven't been doing that well, to be honest, so it's probably just catching up with me.

I was just in a foul mood this morning, and ate way too much at breakfast (piece of pancake, piece of homemade granola bar, veggie sausage and bun, toast with pb & j, almond milk).

Lunch was fairly small - a bowl of homemade aloo goobi (its like a mixture of potatoes and cauliflower with indian spices).

I am just feeling depressed today, so I think I will go and get a decaf coffee before teaching my next class. I hate spending money unnecessarily but I think getting out would be good for me psychologically.

Dinner will probably be.....lean sausage, pasta, minestrone soup, rapini

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 4:04 pm

Okay, let's try this again. I am a royal mess this year!

W: 118.5 (hate seeing this number!)

Breakfast was a cup of black coffee; 1 piece of baked berry french toast; chunk of walnut roll.

Lunch was chicken dumpling soup with a side of yogurt (w/ chia seeds) and pineapple.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 4:53 pm

Hi! Great to follow you. I relate on the dessert nightly thing. What are you eating for dessert usually?
Take care and keep posting!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 6:27 pm

Hey! My favourite is a homemade cookie (not small, a pretty big cookie) with a cup of coffee. We make this version of chocolate chip that is to die for - the store bought just does not compare to me. Otherwise any homemade good typically - peanut butter cups, brownies, cheesecake, etc - we often make desserts. For me, it HAS to be with coffee. I just find it sooooo comforting. Last night I tried a shot of espresso over vanilla ice cream - WOWWWW!!!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 3:51 pm

So last night I couldn't wait for dinner and snacked on avocado dip and lime tortilla chips. Also tried the salad early and had a glass of V8 juice.

Dinner was leftover chicken, brown rice, mashed potatoes and coleslaw.

Dessert was a bowl of vanilla ice cream with a shot of espresso over it, and a white chocolate chunk cookie.

I wanted to eat before bed SO BADLY, but didn't.

Weight this morning was 117.5 - so that's good.

TODAY:
Breakfast was a piece of toast with pb&j. Glass of skim milk. Piece of baked french toast with real maple syrup.

Lunch is frozen veggies with a homemade cheese sauce and fruit salad.

Dinner will be a pork stew I've got going at home in the slow cooker (new recipe, we'll see) with brown rice.

I will probably make a big batch of chocolate chip cookies tonight. These ones have oatmeal in them, but it's blended into a powder, and oh my I love them. I have all different kinds of chocolate at home, ranging from chunks of white chocolate with cookie pieces to every kind of chocolate chips you can imagine. Not sure which combination I'll choose for these ones tonight

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:41 pm

great work, sinnie.
there's nothing that compares, in my mind with the chocolate chip cookie.
i really am always trying to perfect mine.
my boys love them and so i.
yours with oatmeal and diff kinds of chocolate sounds dreamy.
sounds like you have a great balanced and moderate view with food.
i'll get there but for now i'm trying to follow a vanilla no-s to get back in line!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 5:04 pm

Thanks lbb! The cookies turned out great although I think I am going to cut off sweets until the weekend. Not because they are a problem in and of themselves...but because I have been relapsing big time, and I need to get back on track.

Breakfast: Coffee, baked berry french toast, apple
Lunch: Pork Stew, fruit salad
Dinner: salad, shrimp, pasta with cheese sauce and a parker roll

*ended up having a bite of cookie dough and 1/2 a cookie out of stress

I decided I need to really take things one day at a time. I haven't done so poorly and not been able to get back on for a long time. I think I want to continue eating in the evenings b/c I get bored, stressed or for entertainment. I am going to plan my evening so I have something to look forward to (favourite TV show, good book etc). I want it to be a perfect eating day.

Anoulie · Post by **Anoulie** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 9:20 pm

Maybe it would be a nice idea for you to do Vanilla No S for three weeks or so? No modifications, just the three rules, and after that time, you can think once again about what you want to do from then on. Stay strong

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:08 pm

Right there with ya Sinnie!
I'm not going to do sweets till s days for while. It will help that e have nothing in the house sweets wise, too. I'll try and plan something to look forward to as well. We can do this. Right here with ya.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:44 pm

Thanks guys. I know you are right. Having said that, I just had a stressful fight with my sister on the phone and immediately went to food. Luckily, it was just one bite of cookie dough and 1/2 a cookie - then I stopped and got out of the kitchen. So disappointed in myself. But my stomach is still churning from what she said to me.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Fri Mar 02, 2012 4:23 am

sounds like you did the right thing by getting out of the food and you didn't lose it completely.
i'm sorry about your fight. i hope you're soon at peace.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sat Mar 03, 2012 11:47 am

Thank you lbb. She did apologize this morning

All is good!

Yesterday went well. Weight is 117 - happy it is going down.

Breakfast was a whole grain bagel with cream cheese and jam, and yogurt with chia seeds.

Lunch was more pork stew and fruit salad.

Dinner was a parker roll, bit of pasta, 2 chicken legs and arugula/strawberry salad.

Had 1.5 cookies for dessert with coffee.

Going into the weekend I feel extremely confident. I don't really do S days, so I am gearing up to not overeat as I usually do. I would like them to look like my weekdays because they are both satisfying and fun.

CMThib82 · Post by **CMThib82** » Sat Mar 03, 2012 5:05 pm

Read both of your journals. I was trying to find someone around the same height with the same goals.

Great journals.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 12:20 pm

Thanks Crystal!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Mar 05, 2012 2:03 pm

Oh my - 120.5

As you can see, a terrible S weekend. I've binged before and my weight has stayed relatively consistent. But as hubby pointed out, it has accumulated over weeks. He reminds me you can't gain weight over a weekend. I've been eating very poorly for awhile and it's catching up with me.

I truly just forget sometimes. I know that is crazy, but I'll be making lunches or something, and just pop things in my mouth. I need to stop that.

B: bite of step-dd's leftover cereal (one of those I just forgot not to snack), 1/2 bagel with cream cheese, some of peach and yogurt (will finish this for lunch).

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Wed Mar 21, 2012 3:33 pm

Thought I'd check up on you, Sinnie. How are you doing?

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Mar 21, 2012 4:43 pm

Hey lbb!

Funny you stop by, I was actually just going to update as I have been doing terribly. Weight is better at 118.5 but for some reason I just can't seem to stop snacking. I don't know why I am struggling so much. I keep flirting with other 'diet' ideas...and they never work. But in my desperation to get back on track, I find myself floating further away from No S - which is the only thing that has ever worked for me. Go figure my logic!!!

I guess I should start by logging again.

Breakfast was an english muffin with pb and j. Two buckwheat pancakes with butter and small bit of syrup. Coffee of course

Since I thought this was too much I only packed fruit and juice for lunch.

Naturally, when I was out shopping over my lunch break, I bought some groceries and ate a bun and half a bran muffin in the car

For dinner I am going to make turkey burgers with old cheddar, avocado and bacon. I will have one, maybe with a side veggies, and that's it.

Wish me luck.

EDIT: I also had an orange, no veggies, and 1/2 a hotdog on whole wheat bun.

CMThib82 · Post by **CMThib82** » Wed Mar 21, 2012 11:02 pm

Hey Sinnie! I have been looking for your updates. Glad to see you are back.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Thu Mar 22, 2012 6:16 am

I'm also glad you are back! I think the term flirting with other diets is so appropriate for what we tend to do. You are right about nothing else working long term, particularly since it seems it's not so much weight you want to lose as it is bad habits. Or at least I am saying you don't need to lose much weight.
Not snacking is really truly tough, but being hungry for meals is so worth it. Keep plugging away, dear!
You can do this!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Mar 22, 2012 3:40 pm

Wow, how nice it is to be missed. Made me happy to read there are people out there looking for my updates. That is incentive to keep blogging!

Well, I must say today has been perfect (only through sheer willpower!!!!!). You see, at lunch there was free pizza and drinks. I took two slices and a mango juice, and left the room. I felt such deep irritation because I wanted MORE....thinking "I should've grabbed more"...."I'll go back down"..."I will help fill up with some fruit" ...yada yada

Well, I told myself this is a NEW ME, one that is capable of following the No S rules. Not for quick weight loss or slow weight loss or anything like that. Because lunch is lunch, and I am not allowed to go back for more. Is it ridiculous to say that is a relevation for me? How long I have been here, no matter how low my weight may be...I AM A PERMA-SNACKER. There, I said it. I have never truly given up snacking/picking at food/going back for more. Ever.

Clearly, I am still able to maintain a decent weight. However, I've never totally developed the good habits I want. I have no idea how to not lick batter, "test" the food I am cooking, have a bite of bread as I am cooking. That is why stopping with my two slices is such a huge deal. I have no self-control. On ANY other day, I would have just given into my inner child. I never discipline myself. I want that to change. I am really trying.

In addition, I started to eat my leftover bran muffin this morning when I poured coffee. So, I said to myself, okay that was your choice, finish it and be done with breakfast. Since I wasn't hungry at that moment, I decided to be stern and not allowing any virtual plating for later because that just messes with my habit. So that was breakfast.

For dinner I am going to make pork tenderloin, maybe with pasta and some buttered bread, and some kind of veg. I have never only eaten one plate. I am going to try my hardest tonight and make it happen.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Thu Mar 22, 2012 4:19 pm

Yay I'm so proud of you. That's hard, for sure, esp (for me) when it's FREE. I want to LOAD up!
But, you're right: it's a new you and think of it this way: every time you want to do something, think, "is that what i want to do the rest of my life?".
Or, change today.

These are just HABITS. It's not that you don't have self-control. Just habits your brain is used to and it's automatic responses. You DO have control.

Good luck tonight. You can do it.

milliem · Post by **milliem** » Thu Mar 22, 2012 5:39 pm

Congratulations on your good day Sinnie! Lets hope the evening continues just as well

I have to say, I differentiate between tasting when I'm cooking and snacking - you can taste something with one small spoonful/bite, and sometimes I really need to so I can check seasoning etc. Snacking would be having more than one bite or an extra portion of something in between when I sit down for the actual mean. I guess it's having those 'rules', whatever they are, and really putting a fence around them.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:07 am

Thanks so much for encouraging me, millie and Liz. I needed to hear it last night and truly helped me not snack because I was *so* close.

Today was another successful day! I think I'm getting back on my game!

I don't really take S days per say. I tend to stick to 3 meals, but I will have dessert. No structure makes me binge. I actually ENJOY only 3 meals, so I really don't benefit from true wild S days because it doesn't feel good to me.

I am so relieved I finally came back around. I am not going to hope this continues. I can choose to make it continue or choose not to.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:09 am

Oh, and Millie, you are absolutely right about tasting food while cooking. My problem is its "Snack Tasting" LOL

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Mar 29, 2012 12:59 am

Been binging again. Too tired to write about it now. I wish I would just stop this behaviour, but I can't.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Thu Mar 29, 2012 3:43 am

Here to support you, Sinnie.
It's so frustrating, right?
You can do this. Every day is a new one to start anew.

CMThib82 · Post by **CMThib82** » Thu Mar 29, 2012 12:29 pm

I have really been struggling too! Good luck this week.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Mar 29, 2012 12:40 pm

Thanks you two *hugs*

I do so badly, and then think, well if I cut back this week, mainly eat fruits/veggies etc I can lose the extra few lbs. But it never works. I start bigning after dinner, with the thought that I can eat little tomorrow. Damn! I never learn! How do we know something logically and rationally, but then not be able to act on it? Food is just so comforting; I am addicted.

Anyways, this morning I have zero appetite. I brought a banana anyway but can't stomach eating anything just yet. I am on my second cup of coffee. I put cream in this one, vanilla soy earlier.

I have a feeling today will be a success. I will be very busy that is why.

Weight is 120.

Sooo....

B: coffee with cream, banana
L: nectarine, leftovers of sauted cabbage and red onion, brown rice and 2 cheese perogies, apple and water (did not have the extra juice box and granola bar given to me as I was full and want to stick to planned as much as possible)
D: bowl of arugula and strawberry salad; very small plate of chili; 1/4 pita with cheese; bowl of noodles with 3 meatballs; orange (stuffed - ate very early at 3pm today)

I am feeling very good about this. I've been reading over people's check-ins, and they have provided such incredible enthusiasm for me returning to No S eating. I think I will start using this message board as a real support.

My plans are to eat as healthfully as possible. I would like to incorporate a lot of fruits and veggies to my diet, and more vegetarian options. Also, to increase my water intake. Since my weakness falls at dinner where I don't want to stop, I think i'll go back to my decaf coffee or some tea as comfort instead. If I really feel like I may binge, myabe it's better to allow a small treat after dinner? Not sure yet if I should allow that sometimes or if it would be a slippery slope?

EDIT: darn! Had a granola bar. It's a long night at work and I didn't stop the craving. Oh well, I've only dented the car...

KL · Post by KL » Fri Mar 30, 2012 1:52 am

Hi Sinnie - thanks for stopping by my thread...

It seems like we have a lot in common. The reason I started No S was to stop all the grazing and maintain my weight. I needed a behavior change - especially after dinner. I had gotten into the worse habit of eating late into the night watching TV - it was my way of zoning out and self-soothing. The next day I never was hungry and was full of guilt and remorse. The only thing that helped was to eat regular meals the next day and just move on. This was before No S and the move it, mark it concept was in place. No S has helped me so much in cultivating a 3 meal habit. On S days, I still eat 3 meals but do have sweets and my portions are a little larger. Don't need to introduce the permasnacker.

Beside, I like 3 meals now because I'm hungry for them. I usually have a huge mug of tea w/almond milk and stevia after a meal or any other time in the day if I feel the need to eat.

So, maybe, just maybe, follow the plan as written. It's not about the weight - it's about establishing a habit, right? So, get the habit under your belt - sign up for the 21 day challenge - once that feels in place - then add your mods if you feel the need to.

Just some suggestions, IMHO.

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Fri Mar 30, 2012 3:14 am

Thinking of you Sinnie and sending out big (((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

I too have been struggling recently however after a few good N Days under my belt this week, starting to feel more positive again. WE CAN DO THIS!!!

CMThib82 · Post by **CMThib82** » Fri Mar 30, 2012 10:34 am

Way to go on just a dent.

How are things today?

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Mar 30, 2012 12:54 pm

Yikes. I wish I left it at just a dent. By the time I got home (around 9pm) and made lunches, I was in full-on failure mode. So embarassed. I usually wouldn't disclose and just not post. But I went buck wild. Weight is up to 121.5 and I am so discouraged, mad, frustrated and basically hate myself right now!

Why can't I just have a normal eating day? How come it seems my friends don't binge? They eat minimally and are skinny, seemingly without trouble. My husband and step DD never binge. DH is very fit, DD is skinny. I have great "role models" around me. But I hide in the kitchen and eat when they are not around.

I am obsessed with eating. I have my good days, but overall, when the urge strikes, I am impossibly at its whim. I want to be free but it is like I can't stop myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate feeling like I turn into this robot who has no control over myself and just do what my tongue tells me to. When I crave that feeling of eating, tasting that delicious food, the feeling of swallowing it - it is so alluring. I sound like an addict. I feel hungry, but know logically I cannot be hungry. Once I've entered that atmosphere, I can't get out it of it.

You would think I would be ready to get back on this morning, all ready to go! Nope. Breakfast was kind of snacky (in a huge rush). Work surprised us with donuts, coffee and muffins. Well albeit can't say no to a fresh donut and coffee! So I had one. Didn't even enjoy it. Was not hungry but felt I can't pass it up (like donuts are so hard to get or something). I am messed up.

I am counting calories today. I feel I have no other choice. If anything, just to see how much I am actually eating. I feel like I've barely eaten, but I've had 525 calories. Wow. Makes me wonder how much I eat on a normal day.

Anyways, sorry for such a terrible, dismal post. I just want to be honest. I am doing awful. I am gaining weight and feel out of control. Everything else in life is going awesome...I don't understand this behaviour.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Fri Mar 30, 2012 2:34 pm

I'm so sorry, Sinnie. I think it's good you have posted and don't feel embarrassed. We all relate and if we haven't posted certain "darker" days, it's because it's too painful to record.
I had a slip-up, dent, little crash last night.
But instead of beating myself up....I'm going to eat three squares.
If I try to count calories, it's like I'm grasping for control that I will inevitably rebel against and throw out the window.
Be kind to yourself.
I don't have much advice, but jump back to No-S, mark it and move on. Don't dwell on the fail.
Get back to structure.
We're all cheering for you.

KL · Post by KL » Sat Mar 31, 2012 1:15 am

Good for you for not isolating. The hardest thing is to not dwell and hide out - which just perpetuates the guilt and remorse - which leads to more overeating.

There really is a lot of sense in mark it and move one. Stand up, brush yourself off, and on you go.

A few months ago, I couldn't last more than a few days without overeating. I would look at other people and think that everyone hid their overeating. That everyone lied about it. Wow - how warped is that?? I was in such pain, I just couldn't fathom eating normally - whatever that was. Now, I've discovered exactly what that is. Don't give up. Every meal is a chance to start over and begin again.

CMThib82 · Post by **CMThib82** » Sat Mar 31, 2012 11:13 am

Sheesh, the binges suck don't they? Sometimes I feel like I am the biggest loser on the planet and sometimes I feel like I learned a lesson and I need to use it and move on.

Yesterday my binge lesson was I need to take ANY restrictions off of S Days. My monkey/child brain refuses to be told no or it will eat 10 pounds of the good foods instead of a few treats.

You have got this. This is just a bump in the road. Try to look at other things going on right now. I also used a binge a few weeks ago as a distraction from being bored to death at the beach.

We love to see your daily post of what you ate and how you are feeling, maybe writing all that down will help?

Break a leg today!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Apr 05, 2012 3:30 pm

Hey ladies,

Thanks so much for the support and advice. I have been so busy and kept meaning to log on and update, and they kept putting it off and forgetting.

I did decide to start counting calories, and I don't know why, but it has worked miracles. Now, I'm not one to advocate this at all, I'm usually so against it. For all those reading, you want to do Vanilla No S at all costs. But I was in a weird binging mode, and when I finally got my hands on food at a meal it was like I had no control.

I can't explain what the difference is counting calories. I am not measuring or anything like that, just eyeballing. Thing is, I am pretty much eating 3 meals plus dessert. Not much different. But the ability to eat how/when/what I please has made a huge change. I don't feel ravenous anymore, I lost weight (back to my average of 116.5 again) and I feel IN CONTROL again. Can't explain it, as this method usually leaves me binging.

All I know is for right now, this is working. It is sort of a spin off of No S. I eat 3 meals, have dessert and otherwise eat if I want in between although I basically don't. The freedom has been nice in that regards. Not sure how long I'll stick with this, but as long as its working, I'll just keep going. Anything but binging, that's the ultimate worst.

Anoulie · Post by **Anoulie** » Fri Apr 06, 2012 8:30 am

If this works for you, it sounds great! Really, it's all about what's best for each individual person of us, with different physical and psychological constitutions. Let us know how it goes for you over the next weeks and months

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Fri Apr 06, 2012 3:11 pm

Sinnie:
If this helps you grasp the control back after wild bingeing, then do what works!
"Anything but binging, that's the ultimate worst." Agreed. If this helps, great.
I just know for ME that after YEARS of calorie counting everysinglething, it would backfire because I'd go over and then just "screw it all".
But, that's why the "S" days are good for me.
Do what works and good luck!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sat Apr 07, 2012 12:39 pm

You girls are the best!!! Thanks for not shunning me

This weekend has been trying. I've been eating way more the past few days and my weight has definitely gone up. I haven't been binging though, thank goodness. I find it much harder to maintain my weight these days than it was a few months ago.

ANyways, Happy Easter to everybody!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Apr 10, 2012 1:24 pm

Okay, I am ready to get back on No S again. I had a little break, and feel rejuvenated. I was thinking about my weight and how it always goes a bit up and a bit down, and never really gets anywhere. I realized in the long run, trying to be so vigilant gets me nowhere - I need to focus on HABIT and that is all. I've never really believed in that wholeheartedly. I just cared about weight. But I need to face reality - I wasn't permanently changing my weight (although I've successfully kept off 20 lbs for years since starting my half-hearted version of No S

)

Anyways, I stopped weighing myself as of this weekend. I think the last weigh in was about 119.5 lbs on Saturday or Sunday (can't remember).

I am actually attempting Vanilla No S. Can you believe I've never ever been able to do that? I hated the one plate rule. I couldn't find its importance. Who cares if my salad is on a different plate? But maybe its time for me to face the music. This will be the biggest hurdle in my life. I find adhering to these rules incredibly difficult.

I will also try negative tracking. I'll post indiscretions at all times. I started yesterday which was Easter Monday and a day off - which I am not sure if it should be considered a Special day. We were all home and I had cake after dinner, plus three chocolates before bed. For clarity's sake, I'll call it a failure and start today again.

Striving to make 21 perfect days.

Day 1: Monday April 10, 2012 - SUCCESS[/b]

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Tue Apr 10, 2012 2:24 pm

You can do this. I know it sounds silly this whole "one plate thing". Sometimes I'm like, "give me a break" and want to rebel. But it's more to build habit. Maybe there will be a time when you can have a couple plates and it will be no big deal.

I think it's great to stop weighing yourself. I was a compulsive weigher and gave up weighing myself. Because I would let that weight determine how I felt that day. It really only varied between 5 pounds (happy if I'm 118 and sad if I'm 123). LAME. But I think I know, for the most part if I had put on about 10 pounds or if I had lost. That's a great obsession to get rid of.

You can do this! Try a 21 day challenge!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Apr 10, 2012 4:54 pm

Thank you lbb! I really, really want to do this. I know it will be difficult. I can only focus on today. Getting to the next meal. I can't get too far ahead of myself, because if I relax, the next minute could spell disaster. I really am compulsive like that.

I just need distractions tonight. I've already planned to do some cleaning, stop by the vet's, bought some new facial products to treat myself with, do some planning and research on a couple things...and if all else fails, I bought 4 different kinds of 100% juice blends (I will mix it with water) if I get extremely hunger or just to pre-empt hunger. My husband always eats late because he works late...so I am preparing food at like 9pm sometimes and it often doesn't end well

I think I will also draw up those index cards people are talking about on the boards to read a few times a day for inspiration.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Apr 11, 2012 4:34 pm

I'm on Day 2 and so far so good. A student gave me a cupcake, and I didn't eat it. Honestly, I'll probably have to throw it away. It was made from a mix, so nothing special, and if I'm ever going to do this, I need to learn that it's not a sin to throw out food you don't need or want.

It's hard eating on one plate. I find I have had some very unsatisfying meals, but I'm not letting it derail me. I just make a mental note that next meal should be better planned.

UPDATE: it's 8:26pm and so far I've done perfectly. Against all odds, I have been true to the letter of the law. It was my mom's birthday so I went down to see her after work. Since we are celebrating on the weekend, it was a simple dinner she threw together which was not very satisfying at all, and I wasn't hungry yet. I saw chocolates and wanted them so badly since dinner was neither filling nor tasty. But I resisted even though I could have said "S DAY!" - it would not be right because we werent celebrating.

Anyways, I'm home now and want to eat. I had some gum (thats ok right?) but I went grocery shopping on my way home, and I'm craving something.

One more hurdle to get through. My husband will be home soon and Ill heat some dinner up for him. That usually is my downfall becuse I start picking.

I've made it this far on a day I'd otherwise snack FOR SURE. I can't give up now!

Day 2 - SUCCESS

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Apr 12, 2012 1:02 pm

I held out last night and am so proud of myself!

Day 3

Funny stuff: I preparing my lunch this morning, and I couldn't fit all the soup in my container. There was 2-3 spoons left, so I had it with breakfast without strictly putting it as part of a plate. Then, I started running out of time and couldn't eat the rest of my breakfast after the soup (had it 30 mins later). I don't think this is a failure? Just some virtual plating. Although, I'll be careful not to do it again. Posting for full disclosure.

More funny stuff: The soup I brought for lunch was awful. The noodles soaked up every bit of liquid and they almost turned creamy

Disgusting. I was on my way to Walmart and got McD's for lunch instead. I never eat there, I didn't even know what to get. Not because I'm virtuous, but because we just don't eat there. I got some grilled chicken wrap, small fries and diet coke. I added my apple to it. Again, slightly virtual plated. Man this soup has caused me a lot of problems today!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Apr 13, 2012 12:59 pm

Day 3 was a SUCCESS. I even made granola bars in the evening and didn't even taste.

Day 4 - Friday April 13

For breakfast I had a nutri-grain bar, toast with pb (didn't finish) and I had a very small piece of granola. It had some chocolate chips in. Does this qualify as a fail? I really don't want a fail but I need to do this right. Thoughts?

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Fri Apr 13, 2012 2:15 pm

Sorry your soup caused you problems! I hate when something isn't what I thought it would be, but good you went out and got something else.
I'm the same way about McD's. I def am "not above" those eat there, but really if you asked me what to order I'd be clueless.
I used to go there strictly for binges (ice cream/cookies) b/c I'm more of a sweets gal.
So, a meal would be clueless! The wrap sounded good.
take care and have a wonderful S day.
I don't think the chic chips in the granola count. You ate them with your breakfast and not as a sweet anyway. Such a small amount.
You be the judge, though. But I think it's fine!
Liz

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Apr 13, 2012 3:58 pm

Hey Liz! Thanks for the comments, I appreciate it. The granola bar was only two bites - I'd hate to fail for THAT! I'll just be careful next time.

I got these cookies from my sis - lemon meringue with white chocolate - and still haven't had one. I've NEVER been so disciplined!!! I can't even believe it myself. For those reading who can't stick to No S, don't worry. I've been trying to do NO S for YEARS, and only now have I truly done the "rules" as per vanilla. You just have to believe in it, and try it. I always thought I'd never be able to do it, and I didn't really believe it was necessary. Now I am so desperate to have solid habits, that I've given myself to No S whole heartedly. I feel so good about it!

I *may* go out for dinner tonight, but it will be late and I'm afraid I won't be able to wait. But anything can go well as long as I decide it will.

I am excited for the weekend

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Apr 13, 2012 8:44 pm

Updating Day 4: FAIL!

Yup, it's true. It's funny, as I was taking that bite, it's like I could see myself from the outside, knowing I shouldn't be but yet putting that sweet in my mouth. I struggle with irresistible urges and I let them win.

It ended up that I had no plans. Friday after work -- you know that celebratory feeling? Step-DD is not home tonight, no friends or family coming over, hubby still working till late...Tired, hungry, all alone - a catalyst for a binge. But I made myself make a proper dinner, although it was virtual plated. But it was done, and I just needed a coffee and a sweet. I thought about not doing it, but then I stupidly took a *smell* of the granola bars. It sounds so silly as I type. DH thinks it's so weird that I smell food sometimes, even though I can't eat it. Anyways, that is when my fingers picked up a piece and as it came towards my mouth, the angel on one shoulder was telling me to stop. But it just kept travelling towards my mouth. Sometimes that moment where you give in feels so good, like you can finally do what you want. I made a cup of decaf, and kept picking at the granola. I finally had that lemon meringue cookie, and one piece of granola bar. Done. I will not let this turn into a binge fest. Eating is done for tonight.

What should have I done differently? I think maybe I should have just left the kitchen, mess and all. I never realized how much of a creature of habit I am. As soon as something changes in my routine, I don't know how to handle it. It's like there were too many options. I was actually so happy to have a night to myself, but I felt guilty like I should be using it for all kinds of purposes - seeing a friend, having mom over, going to the mall, getting stuff done....I'm not sure how to explain it. Anyhow, what's done is done.

Day 1 will re-start tomorrow.

Thanks for listening.

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Sat Apr 14, 2012 3:26 am

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) Sinnie!

Just popping in to say I've enjoyed reading your posts but sorry to hear that you're struggling right now. Thinking of you and empathizing/know how you feel since I have been up and down myself, esp this past couple of weeks when I made a half hearted attempt at No S with mods.... which didn't work btw. Glad to be back on Vanilla No S and like your good self, just taking it a day at a time.

Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy your S Days!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sat Apr 14, 2012 4:38 am

Hey NoS Rocks, thanks so much for the kind words. It means a lot, especially because I ended up binging tonight. Too tired to recount right now, but cookies, granola, chips, apple, cookie dough amoung other things.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Mon Apr 16, 2012 3:47 pm

Hey, Sinnie. I hope your Sunday turned out okay. And I'm sorry you had a rough go earlier this weekend. I definitely relate to having too many options and plans changing...not quite knowing what to do with oneself!
Don't look back and jump into vanilla No-S today!
Good luck.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:22 am

Hey lbb, thanks for the thoughtful words. Sunday did turn out better. I felt too full after dinner but did not have any dessert. Pretty much just 3 meals.

Well, back to Vanilla No S today! I am trying again for a perfect 21 days. I even get to start on day 3!

Day 1: S day
Day 2: S day
Day 3: SUCCESS - required some virtual plating at dinner because the soup went in a bowl and the rice/beef/peppers went in the same bowl when I was done. So tempted to have something else but I stayed strong. 9pm now and I really want some food but for extra insurance I will make sure NOT to go downstairs!

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Tue Apr 17, 2012 2:41 pm

GREAT, SInnie!
Glad you're back in the swing of things!
liz

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Apr 17, 2012 9:41 pm

Hey Liz, unfortunately I lost my groove

I was cleaning dishes after dinner had a wing, and then another. They just looked SO good. Of course, I couldn't stop there and had a bite of a crepe with chocolate in it. I told myself I am capable of stopping right here. It worked at first, and then i saw those homemade granola bars and had one. That triggered in me "I should make a cup of coffee!" So I did, and cut two pieces of a crepe for myself (which I only had a few bites). Then it was over. I finished cleaning, threw out the rest from my plate, and now feel badly. WHY DO I DO THAT KNOWING WHAT I WILL FEEL LIKE AFTER? I really irritate myself with this.

My husband tells me (lovingly) that I should keep junk out of the house and not make desserts because if they're sitting around it is way to tempting for me. I always thought I should just learn to be stronger around snacks and sweets. But I think I would make things a lot easier on myself if I tried to eliminate them excepts for weekends. Maybe go to the bakery and get something so there aren't lots of leftovers.

Anoulie · Post by **Anoulie** » Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:14 pm

Sinnie, I just have five words of advice for you:

Mark it and move on.

(Also, it might be a good idea to ban sweets in your house until you have learned a little more self-control. It works that way: You practice your self-control, and THEN you will be able to have sweets around without problems. If you keep them while practicing, you sabotage your own efforts.)

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Apr 18, 2012 1:34 am

Hey thanks Katie, you are right. I even managed to not have anything else. I tell you, I was *this* close to having a snack but I just started thinking how this will turn into something else, and then something else...I remembered a line from the No S book "it doesn't matter if you are hungry, you are not allowed to eat" or along those lines....it worked! I just took the option away from myself.

I definitely need to learn some self-control. I agree that I probably need to keep that stuff out of the house. My problem is with wasting food. I somehow would rather fail than throw something out that is still good, but won't be by the weekend and can't be frozen. Anyone else with that problem? How do you overcome it?

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Wed Apr 18, 2012 5:14 am

yes yes yes sooooo relate to the "finishing up" and "not wasting" stuff. especially homemade yumminess! i feel like sometimes i'm doing everyone a favor by finishing something, even if i don't want it. what!?!??!

i have learned (at home) that i am not in a position to bake unless it's an S day. i'm just too much of a lover of homemade cookie dough/batter, etc.
ya know...
also, if it's in the house i can guarantee i'll be hunting it down...as i did today (and then some)...

i'm sorry, though. it's sooooo hard.
maybe on tempting/vulnerable situations like doing the dishes alone we (because i need the help too) take awhile before doing the dishes. maybe ask a member in the family to clear the food off the plates.

i think i am often UBER over confident about my vulnerabilities. i know i am strong, but it's also good to be realistic about your weaknesses. ask for help...?

i feel ya. i'll be starting an N day tomorrow with ya. think of me and we can do this together!
xo, liz

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Apr 18, 2012 4:19 pm

Your post is very helpful Liz. It is so nice to know I am not alone. I am especially stressed today at work. A project going on that feels like it is all on my shoulders and I don't have the resources to get it done. I am naturally an anxious person, I feel stressed easily, but don't let it show -which is why food is such an instant comfort. Today could be such a disaster but I will make sure it is a success. I don't need the added stress of being "food hungover".

I hate being in this bad mood/stressed state. I feel terrible - exhausted, unmotivated, everything feels like so much work!

Anyways, I really appreciate the comments. When I am struggling, I will think of you. We can do this.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Apr 19, 2012 12:13 pm

Well, last night I got home finally around 9pm and gave in. Bingefest 2012.

-bites of granola bar
-bite of chocolate
-licks of peanut butter
-bread with cheese
-pear
-leftover cake

Here we go, another day.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Thu Apr 19, 2012 3:03 pm

Sorry about last night. Sounds like you have lots of stressful things going on right now and when you get home it's nice to "decompress"/tune-out with food.
Though I'm sure in the morning it only adds to your stressors.
Yesterday I white-knuckled the hours between 7-10pm to make myself have an "N" day. Even though we went out for ice cream.
But I feel so much better this morn, than yesterday morn post-binge.
I think if you get one green/N under your belt (which will be today), the next day will be easier to do N, etc. etc.
And same goes for Red days. For me, the more Red I get, it's easier to continue Red.
You can do this. Don't look back to yesterday. And make today what you want.
X, Liz

Anoulie · Post by **Anoulie** » Thu Apr 19, 2012 3:15 pm

Sinnie, the more often you give in and Fail, the harder it gets to stay Green the next day. Conversely, the more you say No and resist and keep the day Green, the easier it'll be the next day.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Apr 19, 2012 4:16 pm

Thanks for the advice Liz and Katie. I appreciate the responses. It is so embarassing to admit! You start to feel like people aren't going to respond anymore because you're a hopeless case

The funny thing with me is that if I have a couple green days, I get over confident and then screw up. It always happens. Whereas when I am on rocky ground, I feel like I have to watch every move I make, and I typically do MUCH better. I need to find a way around this mentality.

The past few days I've haven't stuck with the one plate rule either. It is always virutal plating. I think that is a danger zone for me. I'm starting to really see the point of that rule now.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Apr 19, 2012 11:01 pm

Yay! A success today! All I have to do is make it until bedtime, but I can "feel" it. For some reason, I can feel in advance whether I'm going to succeed or not. Tonight will be okay.

For brekkie I had a piece of toast with pb, cup of raisin bran with milk and a pear.

For lunch I had brown rice, veggies and 1/2 bun with provolone cheese.

For dinner I made fried chinese brown rice, 3 wings, some veggies and bit of bean salad (all plated!).

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Thu Apr 19, 2012 11:15 pm

Hi again Sinnie!

Just popping in again to say Congratulations on your success today and to cheer you on! I, too, am a lover of desserts and sweets, particularly baked goods. Where I tend to go 'wrong' is when I get bored, I bake during the week *supposedly in anticipation of an S Day* or I make out its for the DH and kids!

At the end of the day, DH isn't really interested in sweet foods and the kids wouldn't really ask for it unless it was there! So I'm really just kidding myself

PLUS once the goodies are baked up, then I want to try em out right now rather than wait till an S Day!

The other thing I tend to do ('wrong' for me anyways!) is on S Days themselves, I buy bulk items of goodies - again in anticipation of S Days in the future instead of just buying one or two treats to last this weekend...! I keep thinking I might run out of the particular treat for next time if i only buy a couple! Obviously, this is again just a case of my mind over matter - the treats are bound to be there again next week so why do I feel the urge to buy multiple or "giant sized" versions i.e. the whole pie instead of a slice!?! I guess it stems back to the days when I did have a serious bingeing problem and whilst I don't binge - or should i say don't binge quite as often or as much as I used to for all these years - these habits are still ingrained/instilled in me and I impulse buy. I have to realize that only I can change those habits and only if I truly want to!

Have a great weekend Sinnie and thanks for your great posts!

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Fri Apr 20, 2012 5:44 am

Congrats on your success, Sinnie! You're right about mind-power. You can "feel" it if it's going to be a success.
Great job on plating your food, too. Virtual plating gets tricky because it's also hard to feel satisfied when you're not seeing the "empty plate".
Keep it up!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 4:55 pm

Sorry for disappearing, my No S friends! I've been very busy this week.

Roxy - your comments are right on par with what I do. Buying items in anticipation of an S day ALWAYS backfires. I tend to make the same excuse "everyone will enjoy this" knowing full well that DH doesn't eat sweets and S-DD eats them in VERY small quantities (teen girl and very self-conscious about her weight).
Liz - thanks, as always, for your support and input. I honestly always look forward to reading it.

So, here I am, still failing regularly. Yesterday was TOUGH. It was just one of those nuisance days. I desperately wanted a sweet. I finally gave in and had a donut and coffee while waiting for the puppy to get groomed. I have to admit I felt immensely BETTER after. Weird, I know. Usually, I feel terrible after giving in. For some reason, I really needed that, and was surprisingly able to completely stop and have nothing else for the night. I hate to say it, but I don't regret it. It was a chocolate dip from Tim Hortons, so nothing too caloric (I dont count but I know it is 200 cals from the days of old). As far as sweets go, that barely registers for me

Anyways, today I am having ANOTHER off day. Just feeling funny. After lunch, I was shopping picking up a few errands on my break. There were cookie samples and since i was already planning on buying some dark chocolate, I had two. Then, I also had 3 squares of dark chocolate. I feel pretty nauceous (sp?). I think it is b/c I also just had a bottle of water.

I think I might just be feeling nervous. I'm doing my friend's bachelorette party at my house on Saturday, and I'm going all out. Of course, I take on more than I probably should and don't ask for help. It should be a great night, but I tend to get anxiety over things I really shouldn't.

I just need to hop back on No S right now. I was of course about ready to count calories for a few days to get back on track, but all that does it ignite my snacking instincts. One plate at dinner and I'll call it a day.

Also, I randomly weighed myself on the weekend (after some pretty severe S days). 118.5 lbs. I guess that is okay, I mean I have not been doing well. I need to forget about the number because it never really permanently changes anyways. If it's under 120 I should just be happy, it takes no effort to maintain here but being a shortie, I'd really really love to see 110-115 one day.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 8:23 pm

Glad to see you back, Sinnie. I know how it can being super busy. I'm sorry you're failing regularly.
It sounds like you made yesterday's "fail" into a positive thing. And I"m telling you, Sinnie....I'm definitely a "rule follower" and stuff, but the average person wouldn't consider a donut once in awhile a problem. It sounds like you listened to yourself, savored, etc.

Eventually, i want to be at the point where even if it's a Wednesday and I'm CRAVING a donut, then I will have one and move on. But for now, I'm kinda erasing some old diet/binge crap and will have to stay rule focused.

I'm sorry you feel off today, too. Maybe you're getting sick alongside the anxiety. I know when I have a lot on my plate, I nervously eat and kinda feel a constant "pit" in my stomach. It's funny that we can be planning such a fun event and it can rule our lives. Truly a gift to your friend. I often host things and say, "why the heck am I making this so hard on myself...this should be fun!".

Don't count calories. I think that's what kinda lead me to my little binge yesterday. I had kinda tallied up calories (such a hard habit to break) and saw an open field of calories I could use up...yikes.

You are a healthy weight, but I understand wanting to just feel good and have good habits. That's my goal, anyways.

Take care and good luck with the party! You are sweet to do that.
liz

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 9:54 pm

Thanks a million for the reply, Liz. I'm with you about eventually getting to that stage where a donut on a random weekday if it is really desired, it is not going to derail me or be a bad thing.

I was actually thinking to tweak things a bit. I do not consistently follow vanilla, ever. I can manage a few days at best. Once the weekend comes and I start snacking, it is so hard for me to get back on track. I think I will always need the structure of no snacking. I truly don't feel seconds or sweets is my problem. 80% for me is the SNACKS.

I may try doing 3 meals, 7 days a week, eating until I am satisfied (I have a pretty good gauge at this point - I don't overeat at meals typically, just afterwards) and having a bite or two of dessert if I want it. Truthfully, the amount I eat on weekends "because I can" (which is not satisfying) would not be less than if I just had a little sweet when I need it. Yes, I use food as a crutch, but when I really want it, it tastes AMAZING and is so comforting. I'm kinda thinking that putting myself through agony trying to avoid it and then overcompensating on weekends is not fun. I often don't enjoy my sweets on weekends. I'd rather have that choice. I don't know, maybe im wrong, but I plan on giving it a shot.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 1:15 pm

NEW PLAN:

3 meals a day, everyday. I can have anything I want in those meals. No overeating, just until I am nicely full and satisfied.

I am doing this after much thought on why I fail often. If the rules don't work for me, and I bend it slightly (like having a piece of fruit after I eat my main meal), I have failed in my head and although logic would tell you, it's fine, I get caught up and think I've done something bad. It's so dumb. I also fail because I will want something so bad, and end up having something inferior in its replacement when I finally do give up (and I always do). In addition, pigging out on sweets does not feel rewarding to me. I don't want to wait all week for that...for me, this is a good compromise, I think. Mentally and physically. Everyone is different, and i know my limitations. Vanilla is beautiful, if you can do it. I have always been plagued with a combination of POOR self control (only with food, mind you) and an inability to see past "rules" sometimes. I believe its time to put a few personal mods in. I will let you know all know how it goes.

Stressed today. So much to do for that party tomorrow! Getting to work on it RIGHT NOW

Breakfast: oatmeal with some 85% intense dark chocolate (1 sq?), peanut butter, and small sprinkle milk chocolate chips for sweetness. Pear. Coffee with half and half.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 2:27 pm

Sinnie:
Sounds like you know yourself really well. Enough to make these mods.
Do what works best! Most people DO have a problem (i.e. me) with over-doing of sweets and that doesn't seem tough for you.
So, follow the plan according to what works best!
And, GOOD LUCK tomorrow! The gals will just love being together, best. And I hope they appreciate all your efforts!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue May 01, 2012 3:52 pm

Okay, so let me try and back track a bit here.

Friday I was getting ready for the party and was out and about. I had a breakfast of oats with some pb and chocolate on top. Delish and full. As we were out shopping, I figured I should eat something and had a plain multigrain bagel and a handful of trail mix while walking around. I was so proud of myself for choosing somethign from the groceries and not picking! I sorta ate dinner while doing things, but it was still OK. At night, I had to continue baking and cooking, and felt like I had to taste test which led to a downfall.

Saturday was the party - I worked so hard that I barely ate UNTIL the party. Drank a decent amount too. Overall, pretty good.

Sunday was okay, but definitely overate.

Monday was a full blown binge at night, all because I had a bite of a carrot. It is so weird. It seems once I get the taste of food, all my willpower goes down the tubes. I truly have to abstain between meals totally. Some days I can handle it, others not at all.

This is so frustrating.

Try again? What else is there to do.

Day 1: Tues May 1

#1: big bowl of raisin bran cereal with skim milk, swig of OJ
#2: naan wrap with egg salad
#3: beef stew over some grain. Frozen veggies with butter.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Tue May 01, 2012 8:39 pm

I'm sorry love. I wrote already on my check-in my thoughts about ours/your last few days.

Pick yourself up. It's probably even MORE discouraging when you were doing SO well. The fall was deeper.

Don't let it lose your confidence in yourself. You can do this and don't expect it to never happen again.

I'm in the same boat!

May 1=first day of 21 days of compliance!

Let's DO IT!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue May 01, 2012 11:20 pm

Thank you, Liz. Really, thank you so much. I have an odd complex that I feel bad when people are nice to me when I've screwed up. I feel motivated that you understand and I'm not alone in this. When I see other people who go week to week without making a mistake, I feel like I am the ONLY person who cant do this. I appreciate having someone on the board who has such similar goals and at times still struggles with food.

I think I should utilize this board more. If I know I need to check in with you, it may help me keep my eye on the goal for the day. I have a tendancy to forget to be good when a few solid green days have gone by. I get overly confident.

At least today was a success! Again, I can feel the rest of the night will be too. I think when I have a plan and believe in it, I succeed. It's when I start doubting that everything falls apart.

It is May 1, as you said. What a nice, clean start to a new beginning with No S. I like that. Here we go, we can DO IT. Check in with me every day if you have to. I'm here for you as you have been for me.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Wed May 02, 2012 5:28 am

"An odd complex that I feel bad when people are nice to me when I've screwed up." !! Hahahah. That SOUNDS ridiculous, but I totally understand.
And I'm grateful you mentioned it because I feel that way often and didn't realize how crazy-talk it is!

You're human. We get it.

But I almost didn't post about my fail b/c then I was like, "oh no because then people will have to say, "no big deal...you're great"!. But, alas, it's never NOT HELPED IN HUGE AMOUNTS. And people here have TONS of wisdom. They aren't just like "whatever". So, never DON"T be honest.

And if we are to do this challenge, just know if you or I (or anybody reading) fails, you're not letting us down! But it WILL help if you are getting that URGE to think of all of us!!

Hooray for a success! I did, too! Felt good. A great boost of confidence that I CAN do this!
G'night!

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Wed May 02, 2012 6:49 am

Sinnie wrote: When I see other people who go week to week without making a mistake, I feel like I am the ONLY person who cant do this.

Hi Sinnie, I saw your posts on Liz's thread and I just want you to know, that I made tons of mistakes last month. I had seven red days and some pretty wild weekends! Yeah, I felt bummed about those red days. But I marked them and moved on. I felt like giving up a couple of times, too, I thought I couldn't do this.

So hang in there and don't give up! And maybe don't give yourself a red just for a carrot? Maybe you could let yourself off with a warning?