rungirl96 Daily Check-in

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Mon May 07, 2012 7:38 pm

I just realized what these daily check in messages are all about. I thought I'd give it a try to see if it helps keep me motivated. Seems like I made it through 21+ days and then I fell to pieces. I started No S on April 6 and was doing great until last Monday (April 30). My weekend eating wasn't great, but I didn't have any failures during the week.

I'm a 40 year old single mom of a 13 year old daughter and 10 year old son. I work full time as a Physical Therapist. My husband left the country in 2009 when we separated (I wasn't expecting that far of a separation!) so it's just been us. My family is up north, which is where I grew up, and we're in Arkansas, so it's a bit challenging/stressful/scary at times.

I've struggled with my weight for as far back as I can remember. Seems like the only time I lose weight is when I'm extremely stressed out, which has been often over the past 10 years. But I always regain it because as soon as my appetite returns I go back to making bad eating choices.

I was super excited when Oolala mentioned No S on a Sparkpeople post. I had no idea what the "diet" was so I immediately googled it. And lucky me, there was this fantastic web site with so much, if not all, the information about it! I've calorie counted so long I'm like a nutritional facts encyclopedia.

I'm 5'2" (and 3/4")
current weight is 134-136
goal weight is at least 125, but 120 would be fantastic!

I just want to feel better about myself and learn to stop this vicious cycle of gaining/losing for good. I really think once I lose the weight No S will be extremely helpful in maintaining.

I should add that I'm pretty much addicted to exercise. I do it almost every day, mostly running. It's frustrating because as much time as I spend exercising I undo the good effects with the crap I put in my mouth.

Maybe this daily check in will help. I'm hoping.

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Tue May 08, 2012 4:42 pm

Was so close to eating ice cream last night after dinner. I knew I'd regret it and kept telling myself how much better I'd feel this morning if I didn't. And it was true. I find it crazy how my brain will fixate on a food, usually dessert, and not let it go. I told myself that's not how skinny people think or behave and I asked myself, "do you want to lose weight or eat the ice cream and feel bad?" Have you ever watched a skinny person eat? I work with a few and I swear they have a "take it or it leave" attitude towards food. One of them skips lunch regularly and claims she is too busy to eat. I'm never too busy to eat!

Glad I made it through Monday. I think (hope) Tuesday will be a little easier.

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Fri May 11, 2012 4:48 pm

The past two days have sucked. Both were failures. Hoping today will break the bad cycle. But then there's the weekend...

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Sat May 12, 2012 3:20 pm

I totally understand your frustration at exercising and then undoing all the good effects by eating too much - I do the same thing and it drives me crazy. But I really do think No S is helping me get a handle on all this, albeit slowly as I have had a lot of fails since starting on April 1st. So hang in there and don't beat yourself up too much about Friday!

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Mon May 14, 2012 8:37 pm

The weekend was a bust, but I pretty much resigned myself to the fact that it would be. I decided to start over today, 21 days of No S, weekends too. I'm such a sugar addict. I'm really better off with none, it decreases the craving. I may still do a snack on the weekend especially if I do a long run or bike ride because I don't like to eat a full breakfast before and I need something ever to help recover.

New slate starting today!

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Tue May 15, 2012 2:09 pm

YAY! Glad you're "on" for 21 days, too.
One day at a time. It helps me to not think of it as 21 days, but just be vigilant today only. When you wake up after an N day it's like "WOW! that feels so good" (mind you I only had ONE N day yesterday and am saying that already!).
Three cheers for the new slate! Good luck today.

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Wed May 16, 2012 1:10 am

Day 3 and all green!

Started Insanity this week so I'm super sore. I can't see myself doing those kinds of workouts daily, it'd be too boring, but I wanted something different to do for when I don't run or bike outside. Insanity is quite different, and pretty insane!

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Wed May 16, 2012 8:22 pm

Oh my was I starving today! I thought I was going to have to break down and eat my lunch at 11am. I stuck it out until 11:45, but I devoured my lunch and had Chex mix that wasn't planned. It all fit on one plate so it's all good so far. I was truly hungry, like shaking hungry. I don't like that. I think from now on if I feel that way I'm just going to go ahead and eat something small, healthy and unprocessed so that I don't inhale my meal when it's time to eat. I hate that feeling and I think it defeats the whole purpose of No S. I guess I didn't eat enough at breakfast, which I was also starving for this morning. I usually wait until 8:30 and eat when I get to work, but this morning I wanted to eat an hour earlier. That's what happens to me when I have a 1600 calorie day like yesterday (net 1200 if you subtract the 400 calories burned running). I wasn't so hungry yesterday, but it caught up to me today.

r.jean · Post by **r.jean** » Thu May 17, 2012 12:33 am

It will get easier. You will learn to gauge what you need to keep yourself satisfied but not overfed or underfed. I would quit counting calories, but that is just me....

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Thu May 17, 2012 5:11 am

Agree with r.jean and it's coming from a former calorie counter goddess...

I still mentally count sometimes, but stop because for some reason, it only does back to bite me.
Like, if I'm not THAT hungry and don't eat much, but see I haven't "USED" up all my calories, then I'll still over-load to meet my max.
And, if I go over-board, I say "to heck with it..." and keep munching away.
So much easier said than done. I feel so much CONTROL with calorie counting, but I think it's healthy to let go of some of that...

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue May 22, 2012 5:39 pm

I still struggle with weekends, but it rarely lasts until Monday anymore. I think the experience of having crappy Mondays is part of the learning. Food is difficult! It can take a long time of inner changes that support letting go of the idea that we need the food we think we do. It scares me to think of how little I actually need and I'm not sure what circumstances will have me respect it 100%. but I don't need perfection.

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Tue May 22, 2012 9:22 pm

Haven't checked in since last Wednesday, at which point I was doing well with my N days. But Thursday night I gave in and ate some Reese Pieces (should NOT have bought those to begin with). I think because I ruined my "perfect" week I went nuts Friday afternoon. Bought mint M&Ms and a Dove dark chocolate bar at the gift shop at work and ate both, immediately! And since I was on such a great streak I continued to eat like an idiot all weekend thinking that it would be my last feast forever cause come Monday I'd be back on No S. Sunday was a day of sugar binging. Monday morning I felt awful. I woke up at 3:30am, couldn't go back to sleep cause I immediately started thinking about how much I ate and how awful I felt. When will I learn that Monday hang overs are just not worth the indulgence? Why do I act like I'll never have another chance to eat ice cream and sweets? Ugh, I hate that behavior.

I started reading the Beck Diet Solution (but it's not a diet) and I'm hoping I'll be able to learn to tolerate my cravings/desires/hunger when they hit. I really do need to learn to be OK with being hungry. I've done it in the past so I know it's possible. I didn't like it at the time, so I always told myself it was just temporary until I lost all the weight I wanted to. And of course I always gained all that weight right back when I returned to my old habits. I'm so tired of the cycle.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Tue May 22, 2012 9:44 pm

I could have written that post myself. I so often let a little fail trail into a crazy weekend. And the staying up all night due to discomfort/disappointment is all too familiar.
I think it helps to see things as a small incident and not as a huge fail. If we think too much into the weekend or into the fail, we'll definitely be overwhelmed, and thus, tailspin.
Just read over vmrsubat's "negative qualification" and I love how she just records a little mess-up and moves on. That's it.
I'm going to try that for now.
We'll see! Here to support!

sarahkay · Post by **sarahkay** » Wed May 23, 2012 2:38 am

Hang in there and don't let even extensive fails get to you! I had many false starts if you will at the beginning of the month and I am just now really getting into the swing of things and its the 22nd!

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Wed May 23, 2012 8:55 am

I agree with Sarah and Liz - don't give up and don't beat yourself up too much, which is counterproductive - you're moving in the right direction.

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Thu May 24, 2012 4:51 pm

Hi the book I was referring to on Oolala's check in is "Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength" by Roy F Baumeister and John Tierney.

It is available Kindle as well.

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Sat May 26, 2012 8:45 am

I see your status line indygirl is a Sparker

Spark is a great place to be, a lot of different teams. I'm on the No S team there but seem to spend a lot of time on the computer so I limit myself to No S site and stop by to visit my friends on Spark. I did so good on spark about 4 years ago, went from 195 to 158 within 5 months, but the bingeing finally got the best of me..never dealt with the emotional aspect of things. And to be honest, got quite boring counting calories...and snacking only opened the floodgates for a binge to happen.

Glad you have the Beck book, this food thing is all in the thoughts, and unless we can conquer the thoughts, we will never conquer the food and weight.

Not sure why it took me so many, many years of dieting and fails to come to this place. I know for sure No S and a lot of books I have read recent point to one place "our thoughts" and "habits".

Thanks for stopping by!

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Sun May 27, 2012 3:36 pm

Finally had a good S day yesterday! Stuck to 3 meals and had 1 sweet last evening (a bowl of ice cream), and didn't feel at all guilty about it. For once I didn't have that "better eat as much as I can cause it's an S day" thinking. Could be cause I had 2 failures last week, who knows.

I went to the gym yesterday. I had my gym membership on hold for financial reasons but reactivated it so we can go to the pool there this summer. Figured I might as well use all the facilities I can since I'm paying for it anyway. So I ran on the treadmill while my son swam and then I joined him. I'd much rather run outside, but it was a nice change to get on the tread. I missed the gym atmosphere. Plus it's become so hot and humid here that if I don't run before 8am it's miserable. Hopefully I'll keep taking advantage of the gym, maybe do some classes that I've never done.

I've decided tomorrow will just be an N Day. Even though it's a holiday I don't see any reason for me to indulge. If we were going somewhere I'd make it an S day, but since we're not I'm hoping to keep it a regular Monday.

jenna · Post by **jenna** » Mon May 28, 2012 10:41 am

[ SPAM INTERCEPTED ]

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Mon May 28, 2012 12:18 pm

HCG post must have been intended for someone else. I have no interest in using them.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue May 29, 2012 3:42 am

nice job having meals and some ice cream, like a normal person!

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Tue May 29, 2012 8:44 pm

Thanks Oolala. Unfortunately Sunday and Monday were a bust. And today hasn't been stellar either. I had a little more ice cream on Sunday and yesterday I just went plain overboard. Waking up yet another morning feeling disgusted with myself and frustrated for continually repeating these behaviors.

I had my lunch today, on one plate, and it was pretty reasonable for me. Edamame, a PB&J sandwich, and an orange. Even made a better effort at being mindful as I ate it. I was definitely satisfied after it. But then I opened my desk drawer to find a Lindt chocolate ball and totally gave in to eating it. Didn't even try to resist it and was fooled by the "I'll just eat this one piece". Shortly after that I was at a coworkers desk, who fortunately does not sit close to me, who always has a full dish of minature chocolates out. I again didn't think twice. I swear it's like the rational part of my brain just goes to sleep sometimes and the

one takes over! Maybe the sugar in the jelly sparked my sweet tooth? I even sometimes think drinking a diet soda with my meal makes it more likely I'll crave a sweet treat after.

This morning one of my coworkers told me her doctor prescribed Adipex for her. My very first feeling was jealousy! I want a pill to turn my appetite off. I want the easy, fast fix! Even though I know that route doesn't work, never has, I'm so tired of struggling and failing. I've wanted to lose 10 pounds for the past 3 months and I've actually probably gained 2-3 instead! I keep thinking/saying I'm tired of the insanity, but I have yet to change it.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue May 29, 2012 9:19 pm

I know I'm repeating myself but the information doesn't change. Bingeing happens on a cycle. To end it, you must stop the cycle and it will work eventually to interrupt it anywhere you can. At the beginning, middle, or end. Since you already did beginning and middle, the only place you can affect the last binge is at the end. The end of the cycle is not when you stop eating. It is the whole time of regretting what you did and berating yourself. So, you see, it is to your benefit to stop those thoughts, or since you've had them, review them and counteract them now.

"I feel like such a failure." Counteract: "But that is not rational. No matter how many failures I have, I can start having successes that will add up."

"I deserve to be disgusted with myself." **** "There is no benefit to feeling disgusted with myself. It erodes the relationship with myself and makes it less likely I will cooperate in the future. Besides, it's not a crime to overeat. Disgust has no place in this process."

"I'm frustrated with this process." **** That's understandable, but give yourself some time to get centered and then make better choices. Who is going to recover in a close game of tennis, the person who calms down or the one who stays made at herself for her performance?

"I didn't even try to resist the chocolate in my desk. What a fool I was to think I would eat just one!" ***** Have you made a choice not to eat chocolate under those or similar circumstances at least 50 times? Have you laid the groundwork for being able to make such a decision? Then why do you expect to be able to do the right thing? You've been reinforced many times for giving in and not been reinforced often for not giving in, so it's more illogical to expect to make the right decision without effort."

Once you do this, resolve to remember this process next time and at some point, you'll see the gap between the moment of stimulus and the moment of response. Then you have a chance to choose the new behavior. Over time, it will become more automatic.

Also, right now, resolve, if those guilty thoughts come back and they likely will, to just acknowledge that they are an old habit, that they do not signify any truth, and that it is okay to ignore them and turn your attention to another activity, one that is either productive or pleasurable. You can use that same process when you get thoughts to eat at the wrong time.

For the next month, I gently suggest you get all the sweets out of your desk. Work days are N days, so there's no need for them. In your mind, practice thinking or even saying aloud, if need be, when confronted with tempting sweets, No, thanks, I'm still full from my last meal and I'm saving my appetite for my next meal." And it will be true. Your next meal at its regular time will very likely not be as enticing if you've had some sweets in between.

So, instead of dwelling on your mistakes, get curious about what you can do to counteract the behavior instead. It's not a linear process. You have to let go of how often you've wanted to do this because it is placing undue pressure on your timeline. It's making you think you should already be done with the process when you've barely started!

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Wed May 30, 2012 12:28 am

Brilliant advice to refer to often! Thanks, oolala for inadvertently helping me, as well! EVERYONE READ THIS! LOVE COUNTERACTING OUR VOICE!

I also love the idea of DECIDING on what you will and won't do ahead of time and being stern about it.
I think we fall into serious trouble when we leave it up in the air. I know when I open a cupboard and surprisingly find halloween candy, it throws me off and if I consider it at all, then I'm done....it's in the mouth.

Take care, rungril. You can DO THIS!

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Thu May 31, 2012 9:18 am

Hi, Oolala always has good insight and advice...I'll probably copy this to word and put with my other pile of the things she has told others or me. If she writes a book I would buy it...

Out of sight out of mind really works "most of the time", I know if I saw the candy I would have dwelt on it over and over again. I know once for 2 days in a row at work my boss brought in treats, instead of feeling deprived I took some home for the weekend

The more strict we are during the week the better. One thing for me is "NO CHOICE" from the Beck book. If I start to have a conversation with myself, should I, or shouldn't I, it could be over.

Beck suggests trying really hard to listen to what the voices in our head are saying, sometimes hard to catch the first thought that leads to the next, etc. well we know where we end up.

See for me bingeing is food in general, doesn't have to be candy, could be a cheese sandwich, chunk of cheese, hard boiled eggs, etc. etc. candy at the end of a binge doesn't even taste good, but I'll eat it.

My weekends really suck for me at this point, but I'm working on learning on to fix my thinking.

You can do it, you have great support!!!

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Thu May 31, 2012 2:09 pm

rungirl: Hi! Sometimes I have treats around and think I can handle them being there and then I get into the "I'll eat just one piece" and it goes from there.
I like this from the Beck book:
"If every time you buy a bag of potato chips you tell yourself, "I'll be able to stop at one serving," and never do, when you're next tempted to buy a bag, ask yourself, "What's the evidence I'll be able o stop when I know I should? This is always difficult for me so why put myself through that?" and buy a single-sized bag instead."

We need to know our weaknesses! I can no longer have stuff around that I binge on, even if the kids like it. But thankfully, there's enough stuff that DOESN'T tempt me to have around.

You can do this. Another thing from Beck:
"When people tell us that they can't lose weight because it's too hard, we remind them that likely they've done other hard things in life, like getting a degree, being successful at a job, or learning a new skill. Those things didn't come to them overnight and they had to work had to achieve success and made mistakes along the way. Dieting is not different."

Take care!

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Thu May 31, 2012 4:10 pm

Day 1 of "21 day No S", and also my 6 week Beck plan, was successful!Actually stayed within a (weight loss) calorie range for a change. I hate that I still count calories, even just mentally, but I'm afraid I'd get out of control if I didn't. I know if I kept my meals "healthy" I probably wouldn't worry so much, but yesterday for lunch instead of eating the carrots I packed I bought a bag of Parmesan Garlic Pita Chips. That turned my lunch into 750 calories instead of 400 so it lead me to mentally calculate how much I'd already eaten and how much was left for dinner. I got pretty hungry around 3:30, but I didn't give in. Went home and ran (it was awful, but I did it anyway) and ate my dinner, that's all. I craved a sweet treat after, cause I usually do, so brushed my teeth and chewed some sugarless gum instead. It worked. Seems like 10:30am and 3:30pm are my hardest times, when I'm at work. 8:30pm is a challenge too, but I can find things to distract myself more easily at home - kids, dog, book, or boyfriend - who sometimes isn't a pleasant distraction!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu May 31, 2012 8:19 pm

Yay for 21 days to come. Except for calorie limits, completely planning ahead what I will eat and logging everything, I used a lot of Beck principles and strategies to get going the first year, and some now, too.

AFTER your 21 days,if you would like strategies to deal with the chips, let me know. Too soon for now.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Thu May 31, 2012 8:43 pm

Hooray for a N compliant day!
I'm on day 4 of 21, so I'll be along the ride with you.
Let's do this! We can!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:43 pm

When I cut the piece of cake, I intended not to eat it but put it by my lunch just to blend in. I notice thin people will often take a bite or two and leave the rest. Of course, I intend that option only on S days, but it will likely be awhile before I stop at two bites!

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Tue Jun 05, 2012 7:50 pm

I ended last week well and it carried over into Saturday. I "allowed" myself 1 dessert Saturday night, but we also had pizza for dinner and I was ravenous because I hadn't had much of a lunch at work. I didn't overeat on the pizza but I was definitely uncomfortable after dessert. Sunday I got the "I don't cares" and they carried over into Monday. I was just in a funk yesterday. There was no apparent reason, I was just kinda down. May have been the sugar hangover from Sunday. I never eat donuts, they just don't do it for me, but Sunday I had two, along with ice cream Sunday night. So yesterday I tried to medicate my bad feelings with more chocolate! And then ice cream! This morning I threw out the rest of the half gallon of ice cream I bought last night. I just don't trust myself. It's funny because I'm on Day 7 of the Beck program and today is "remove temptations". I realized that after I threw away the ice cream.

I feel better today. Started the day with a ride on my bike, inside the house on the trainer. I have a hard time dragging myself out of bed at 5:30 but I always feel so good exercising before work. Now that I don't have to get the kids ready for school I have less of an excuse not to get my exercise out of the way first thing. If I want to run I pretty much have to do it super early because the heat and humidity is awful here.

This morning I put chicken breasts in the fridge to marinade and I'm going to grill them for dinner. Wow, I had quite a productive morning!

I hate leaving work wondering "what are we going to have for dinner", which is usually the first question my kids ask.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Wed Jun 06, 2012 12:00 am

Hi! I hope you're out of your "funk" and feeling a bit better! It's SO hard to get out of that sugar hangover. It truly feels like one!

I so often end up throwing out half-eaten ice cream or things JUST to have them outta sight! I also don't trust myself and follow the "remove temptations" rule!

I'm grateful for your comment about being jealous of my weather. You always want what you don't have. I just want to take off my rain jacket. But it did make for nice running weather yesterday!

Glad you have chicken ready for dinner. I love when I can think ahead like that! Take care of yourself.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Wed Jun 06, 2012 9:06 pm

Well run girl I hate to add any more time to your computer time.

I think it's totally normal and noble to want to steer away from reading about/figuring out this whole diet thing. Sometimes I get too much in my head, like I have been. And when faced with an eating decision I'll be like, "okay what would this (beck) or that (no-s) or blah blah blah say about it?".
YIKES! What does LIZ feel about it?

I actually just put my books in the bookcase from my nightstand. I think it's time to use their wisdom and put it into action Liz-style.

I want to decriminalize the sweets. Go through and read oolala's post on my thread and it will help you out I think.

You are doing great. And "skinny" am I? Well, I'm not overweight, but I would not say skinny. If I keep at my eating, though, I will need new pants. They are snug and I'm at my top of "comfortable" weight. Which is so ironic. I've eaten worse in the past, but was less fixated about it and weighed less. Hmmm...something to think about.

I pray for moderation for you. For peace and closure and more than anything:
trust in yourself.
You can do this. You don't have much to lose at all to be at your "happy weight". Be happy now and go from there.

I may stop reporting unless I need support because each night, i feel a compulsion (see a common theme?) to be accountable about my day. To qualify good or bad. And sometimes it's just good with maybe a little tiny bad. But I am tired of perfect and awful.

Sorry to hog your thread. Have an AWESOME day.
xo

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Thu Jun 07, 2012 9:35 pm

I've decided to just relax the rest of the week. No more "green" or "red" days this week, cause they'd all be red

But I'm just giving myself a break from all the thinking and stressing. The same thing happens to me, the harder I try, the worse of an outcome I have with eating.

I'm also trying to stay off the computer so much, but at the end of my work day getting on here is a good thing. Boredom is in my top 3 reasons to eat.

I did read Oolala's post on your thread about sugar and it was great. I agree, total abstinance would never work, daily moderation would be difficult and maybe dangerous. Option 4 does appear to be the best to strive for. Thank you for your prayers for moderation. My spiritual life has really dwindled the past 6 months and I know it affects all facets of my life, even eating. I did find myself asking God earlier today to help remove my obsession to eat. It really does bring an instant moment of peace.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Jun 07, 2012 11:08 pm

Though you may feel like backing off, and that's fine, consider letting yourself just imagine that you could live rather freely with food/sugar some day. Just that it's possible and that it might take quite awhile. Just the it MIGHT happen.

I've come to believe that God takes away the compulsion the more times I just watch the desire happen and resist eating in the face of the compulsion.

And that God isn't about the compulsion not being there but in my being willing to rest in the presence of peace BEHIND every compulsion. I think that's what Geneen Roth meant in Women, Food, and God. That God is there in that moment when the urge is strong, the body is jumpy, the mind is screaming, but there is that capacity to just watch it all happening. God is just watching and there is no judgment. Align yourself with that watching and know that you will be fine to just watch the storm- the intense desire to eat, the thoughts of how good it would be to eat, and the intense wish that you didn't have the desire- pass over without eating. You can say you are in God's boat watching, if that helps. The storm is all on the inside. It's what God, if you will, has been trying to show you all the time. No matter what is happening, no matter what stress is there, align with the watching in the safety of the boat. At that moment, you are probably fine. All the trouble is in the future or the past IN YOUR MIND at that moment. Just try to move your attention to the sensations in your body and notice that they probably rise and fall in intensity. You don't have to wait for it all to be over before you acknowledge the desire and then choose to do something else for the next 15 minutes. And the next 15 minutes after that. Even if it takes going to the next meal in 15-minute increments, but it likely won't. The worst will be over and you'll get involved in something else. (This is part of the OCD protocol.)

Or just forget all this for now and try again when you're feeling more ready. Sometimes we just need a rest.

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 12:20 am

Thank you, Oolala, that is a really great way of looking at it. You're a wealth of knowledge! I'd like to print out so many of your posts and put them into one book. It'd be a bestseller! I will certainly try to keep your suggestions in mind when I find myself struggling. Lately though I just haven't had the desire/energy to even put up a struggle. I wonder if it's that self punishment that Reinhard talks about in one of his pod casts (or it might even be in the book)? It feels like self inflicted punishment sometimes, and I've never had much self confidence or esteem to begin with. I'd love to read that book, Women, Food, and God. I remember looking at it at the bookstore quite a while ago, but don't remember which self help book I bought instead. I'll have to try to get it from the library. I've learned to stop wasting my money on books I never finish or get anything out of.

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 12:46 pm

I have that book up on my shelf - read it a while ago - there were some good points and insights in it, but I am very leary of the intuitive eating philosophy - I think for me that would spell disaster! Anyway, I would say, get it at the library!

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 1:59 pm

A GREAT book, if you stick to the No-S plan for eating guides.
Oolala: brilliant post about compulsion. I really thought about this yesterday. About taking one minute at a time and being an observer of all things in my life.
Love it.

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Sun Jun 10, 2012 8:50 pm

I listened to the podcast on Negative Qualification and the WTH effect. Good stuff! Since I had been feeling OCD about eating, dieting, etc, lately anyway I'm going to start posting only when there's a red. I'm hoping doing so will help break my WTH thinking habit. Reinhard (or McGonigle, don't remember if he was quoting the book) made a good point about wallowing in self guilt after a binge/slip/fail to let yourself off the hook for the behavior. I know doing that only makes me feel worse and doesn't prevent it from happening again. Not sure that confessing it and letting it go will bring better behavior in the future, but it can't hurt. It may at least point out to me what triggers those episodes. Now I have another book to check out from the library, Willpower Instinct!

Last week was entirely red, wasn't even trying to prevent it. As I sit here right now I have every intention of making the upcoming week entirely green. I'm not going to worry about next weekend and how I might eat. I have to just think about today, one meal at a time. Stay in the present, learn from the past, and don't fear the future.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 3:34 pm

I'm SOOO with you on this negative qualification only.
Let's just make this our lifestyle where we don't have to make it too "expensive" or obtrusive in our lives. No S is just what we do. Simple and plain.
I think the less we think about it, honestly, and just stay true to the STRICTNESS of VANILLA, we'll be good.
I'm excited for this week.
And more important, I love the no-guilt about my millions of reds and over-the-top S's today. Though my pants are way snug, my mind is set in vanilla and no guilt.
Love that you are not worrying about the future, this weekend, or even tonight. Just this meal, this minute, etc.
xoxo

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Tue Jun 12, 2012 8:18 am

I've been reading the McGonigle book - it's really got some awesome insights, so definitely get it if your library has it! I have also found that getting into the "mark it and move on" habit has been hugely beneficial to me and has really helped me turn a corner on WTH behavior these past weeks.

Hope your week goes really well! Taking it day by day is a great strategy!

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Tue Jun 12, 2012 2:27 pm

I'm just about finished listening to the audiobook, "Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength" by Baumeister and Tierney. Overall it's been very interesting, lots of research studies on various situations that affect willpower. I finally got to the "dieting" chapter last night, the one I've been waiting for. I took some notes on things that hit home. Hopefully I'm not infringing on any copywrite laws by pointing out what I found helpful. I wanted to get this down in one place so I can be reminded later. My reading comprehension stinks! I heard about this book on one of the threads on this site (I think). I think it was Oolala?

They start the chapter by stating 3 Rules to follow to lose weight: 1) Never go on a diet 2) Never vow to give up a particular food, like chocolate 3) Never equate being overweight with weak willpower.
They gave the example of Oprah Winfrey for #3, calling it the Oprah Paradox. Everyone is familiar with her struggles with weight loss yet she is so successful in many other areas of her life. A study found that people with high self control were only slightly more successful with weight loss. Yay, I'm not a failure all around

This helps explain why I have been able to complete 9 marathons and 2 Ironman triathlons but struggle with weight loss!

The more diets you go on the more your body will resist weight loss and the quicker the weight gain returns. Uh oh! They suggest making gradual changes as to not completely deplete willpower in one area.

*Diets work at first but then fail miserably. They talked about the "What the Hell Effect". That once a diet has been broken people in the study stopped keeping track. Once you deviate from the rules you have nothing to guide you. This reminded me of Reinhard's podcast on drawing hard lines, setting boundaries. He titled it Extreme Moderation.

"Without clear lines like this, the number of complex decisions you have to make soon becomes overwhelming." That depletes willpower! The problem with total abstinance (never crossing the line) is the feeling of deprivation. That's why No S is so great!
"Just draw your clear line in a different, more moderate place. At S-days instead of never."

There is another great study they talked about in the book that reinforces this - postpone instead of deny. They called this the "Never Say Never" study. People were put in a room with a huge bowl of M&M's, those that completely denied them and those that postponed. When left alone with the bowl of M&M's, the postponers ate significantly LESS than the ones who totally denied themselves. But the group that did the best was the one with people who were not dieting at all. They attributed this to the non-dieters not struggling because they hadn't depleted willpower resisting food. Makes sense! The postponers they concluded ate less because by telling yourself you can have it later it somewhat satisfies the craving, unlike when you tell yourself you can't EVER have it! It's less stressful and gives you time to enjoy the anticipation - yes, S Days! When you swear it off completely it just leads to a binge, because as mentioned before, once the rule is broken the "WTH" effect kicks in.

Another thing they talked about was "Implementation Intention". Basically setting up rules (boundaries) in advance so you don't have to make a decision on the spot therefore depleting willpower. Example, "If there is cake at the party I will have none". N Days make this possible with just 3 clear rules - no sweets, seconds, or snacks. No decisions to be made! No freedom for me to have a choice! From what I gathered it's best if you can avoid the temptations all together, because if you have to repeatedly pass up the dessert cart you will eventually lose your willpower. It'd be nice if life had no temptations, but that's just not reality. It reminds me of a post I saw on Pinterest that said, "..and lead us not into temptation. Shoot, follow me, I know a shortcut!"

The last thing that I found interesting, that I know a lot of people don't agree with, is daily weighing and counting calories. They found that frequent monitoring improved self control. Daily weighers were more successful and had less binges, the more carefully and frequently you monitor the better you'll control yourself. I know I've read more than once that keeping a food journal and counting calories resulted in greater weight loss. I'm still so programmed to count calories (in my head) and know the calorie content of most of the foods I eat on a regular basis. I know which flavors of ice cream have 210 calories per 1/2 cup and which have "only" 150! No S has made it a lot less time consuming to count. Instead of worrying about how many calories per meal and then snacks, it's a lot easier to calculate 1 plate. I still believe I need that control otherwise I will easily overload my plate with excessive calories. It's not hard to do, especially with things like peanut butter, olive oil, butter. Those things aren't bad in moderation, but that's a concept I know little about! I think the key, for me, is stepping on the scale and accepting whatever it says without beating myself up. I got on it this morning, wasn't surprised by the number based on how I had been eating, but didn't dwell on it. I remember when I lost weight after having my daughter I was obsessive about regaining and feared it. I also know that the way I lost weight had not broken me of any of my bad habits, which explains the fear.

So the conclusion I came to is that willpower is depleted everytime we have to make a decision. They found that depleted willpower is related to depleted glucose. To restore glucose you have to eat. They called this the dieters "Catch 22". Glucose is replenished most quickly with sugar, but it can be restored with healthy foods too, just takes longer. I guess that's why it's a good idea not to go grocery shopping hungry!

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Tue Jun 12, 2012 2:36 pm

Thanks for posting this overview - I appreciate it! It sounds like a lot of the points that McGonigle makes, and it does make so much sense and really supports the principles of No-S which is a plus. I find the part about regular weighing and food logging interesting too - I've always had doubts about these - did they help or did they just cause me to get more obsessed? It's good to know that they generally are helpful tactics - I suppose we have to monitor ourselves to make sure we are not getting too obsessed...

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Tue Jun 12, 2012 3:13 pm

This is a fantastic re-cap. I have this book and need to dust it off the shelves to read. One thing you wrote that stood out to me is those who have a lot of willpower in other things, leave nothing for food at times. I am also pretty disciplined in exercise, schedules, etc that food can act as the outlet when nothing else is left.
It also reminded me the importance and ease of making decisions BEFORE-HAND to do or NOT do something.

I think my take-home is that life is unpredictable. We don't know when a friend will drop off our favorite cookie. When the party will serve our favorite cake. That's what's great about No-S. It leaves the lines CLEAR.
Thanks for the reminder. A great book.

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Wed Jun 13, 2012 6:57 pm

We had our second potluck of the week at work today. I didn't eat at either and today's wasn't hard to pass up for me because it was barbeque. But there are always desserts galore! I even brought one myself just because I wanted to contribute even if I wasn't going to parttake. In addition to the lemon cake I brought there was a strawberry sheet cake. At Monday's potluck there was a chocolate sheet cake. Monday I didn't have a second thought, I just wasn't eating any of it. I was fed up with myself. Today, the strawberry cake was more tempting, even though chocolate would be my preference. I ALMOST gave in to the "I'll just have a little sliver", but it was quickly followed by the thought that I NEVER have a little of ANY dessert. One of my coworkers offered me some of the cookies she baked before she set them out in case they'd be gobbled up quickly. I didn't even hesitate to say "no thank you". I know this is silly, but I really think some people try to sabotage your attempts to eat healthy, especially if they know you are concerned about your weight. It could be just in my head, that wouldn't be unusual. So I quickly started cleaning up the kitchen and washing dishes to keep busy and to help forget about the cakes and cookies. It gave me time to think "no choice", "I'd rather get skinny than eat a piece of cake in a flavor that wouldn't be my first choice". Actually with cake, it's the icing! I could just eat a bowl full of icing and leave the cake! I did go to Starbucks though and get a soy misto with sugar free vanilla flavor. And I actually had a healthy and normal sized portion lunch today - grilled chicken, broccoli, and blueberries. Oh, I did have 1 roll too, from the potluck. Wow, feels good to strengthen that resistance muscle for a change. I hope I'm not jinxing myself by sharing about it, but I am really pleased I was strong enough to resist.

The other thing I'm trying not to do is hype up my S days by telling myself "just a few more days and you can have all the sweets you want". Because that's literally what I will do!

I'm tired of feeling yucky about myself. Me and the kids are going to NYC in a few weeks to visit my sister who I haven't seen in over a year. The last time I saw her I was about 10 pounds less than what I am now. She's not one to comment, or probably even notice, but it's bad enough for me that I know. I don't expect to lose 10 pounds by the time we go, but I would like to go feeling better about myself.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Wed Jun 13, 2012 9:22 pm

I so relate my friend on so many levels. I'm leaving in 2 weeks for my big expedition to see friends/family for a month and I swear the anxiety of seeing everyone and not feeling at my best is getting to me. It's like I have this deadline and I keep sabotaging myself. Trying to live in the present!

Okay I'm so proud of you! I can feel totally in your shoes on these kind of events. "Just one sliver". Oh ya right. I always have that part of my brain try to tell myself that will work, but it doesn't!

I love your idea about HYPING up S days. To be honest, when I was really successful with No-S years ago, it's because I REALLY enjoyed and hyped up, made YUMMY plans on my S days. I think now, I kinda still restrict hoping that I will be even more strict with myself, or to make up for my reds that week, and it backfires.

Okay I'll think of you with all the BBQs and stuff I have coming up with end-of year. I hate myself at them, because if I have one cookie, I kinda go into a rampage and tune out enjoying the people around me. Good to think about. NO CHOICE.

SO IMPRESSED! Glad you shared.

MJ7910 · Post by **MJ7910** » Thu Jun 14, 2012 1:49 am

yes i know what you mean about hyping up Sdays. I am trying to not do that but now that i have had 2 successes in a row during my first week of doing this i feel like i am really building up to that. but i want to have good s days and some thing i like, just not overdo it . it's a fine line. i don't want to undo all my hard work but i want to enjoy something those days.

good for you for passing up stuff at potlucks, that is the hardest!

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Thu Jun 14, 2012 6:27 am

I have also been struggling with that "going to see the family I haven't seen in a year" mindset...one of my sisters I'll be visiting this summer I haven't seen in 4 years! But like you said, she probably won't even notice - it will be me struggling with it.

I applaud you for how you handled the potluck - especially the cake situation! And I agree about really allowing yourself to look forward to your S days - we need something to look forward to, don't we? (only two more days

)

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:07 pm

If I make it until midnight I'll have an entire GREEN week. Yay! I haven't had one of those since the end of April. I started No S April 6 and had good N Days initially. I don't know what happened after that initial 21 day streak, but I don't want to go back.

My only goal for the weekend is not to wake up Monday morning feeling awful. That has been the case since I started this plan. I'm not going to totally deprive myself if I REALLY want something sweet, but I'm not going to eat sweets just because I can. I've done that in the past too.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Fri Jun 15, 2012 9:43 pm

You WILL make it to the midnight hour!
HOoray on the green week. It will be so ingrained in your life soon enough that it won't be something you're "doing", just "who you are".
I did the same thing initially. Did really well in the beginning, then plummeted.
I think I thought about it too much, over-complicated things, added mods, etc.
But it's simple not easy.
And making it more complicated backfired.
I'm with ya on the weekends. My goal is the same as yours. Just feel good.
Let myself feel the same way I have on the weekdays!
We deserve it!
Take care.

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Sat Jun 16, 2012 8:49 am

Hope you made it til midnight - congratulations on the green week!!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you also reach your goal for your weekend - have a great one!

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Sat Jun 16, 2012 4:02 pm

How did it go?
Hopefully well. Enjoy your S weekend.

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Wed Jun 20, 2012 3:16 pm

Ugh, I'm just frustrated! I swear the more I've focused on losing weight, the more I have gained. Since February I've put on about 4 pounds and that's when I was "getting serious" about losing weight. I put on my skinny jeans this morning that were loose on me last summer and now they're form fitting. I'm frustrated because I just can't seem to get a grip on my eating. I say I want to lose weight, I exercise, yet I continue to easily convince myself it's ok to eat desserts, chocolate, pizza, Chick Fil A!

Yesterday afternoon I ate a Luna bar because I planned on going running at the gym after work. I washed down the Luna bar with a Dove dark chocolate bar, initially telling myself I was only going to eat 4 squares, not even half the bar. Finished off the entire bar and then added a few more chocolates from a coworkers candy dish. I didn't go to the gym to run on the treadmill. I went home instead and rode my bike for 50 minutes, hard! Great, I burned off all the chocolate I had inhaled and broke even for the day. I'm tired of breaking even and staying the same.

Lately I've been wishing I was "restrictor" and not a "permitter" like Roth talks about in her book. I look at one of my coworkers, who I'm convinced is anorexic, and find myself envying how little she is able to eat. I'm just not programmed that way. I have another friend who claims she's allergic to red meat, gluten, and dairy. I didn't think much of it until another friend suggested maybe she convinces herself she's allergic to those things to restrict herself? I can totally see that being true. That takes all the pressure off of "why aren't you having any (fill in the blank)".

Hopefully today will be better than the past 2 days. We're having another darn potluck at work, today it's BLT's. This place will be wreaking of bacon soon. I'm getting out of the building. Packed myself a lunch and will eat it elsewhere. If I keep eating the way I do it won't be long until I'm in the next decade of weight, the 140's, and that will totally depress me.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Wed Jun 20, 2012 4:56 pm

I'm sorry rungirl. I relate well. For the amount I exercise, I should be looking better than ever. And it's not like I'm heavy, per-se, but could be so much better and feel better if I didn't binge sporadically. Totally get the "breaking even" thing. It's so taxing though...making up for it.

I remember times I wasn't even exercising much and my eating was okay. I was thinner.

Ah the mind games.

So are you even trying the Vanilla No S? You said you had a Luna bar. Was that lunch? And then it spiraled?

Sounds like you're struggling.
I suggest simplifying your life. Stick to 3 plates. And let's not overanalyze.
I'm trying to do the same.

And let's reward ourselves for breaking the cycle if you slip up and end it at that, it can still be a green!

Just my thoughts.

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Thu Jun 21, 2012 4:00 pm

Better day yesterday. Technically not "green" because I had some strawberry jello dessert that someone at work brought, but that's all I had as far as sweets, for the entire day, so to me that's a success! I didn't give in to the WTH thinking.

I thought A LOT last night about having ice cream. I found myself having that fight in my head. Impulsive brain was saying "I want ice cream", and rational side was saying "I want to be thinner so my jeans won't be so tight". Fortunately the resistant side of my brain won. Honestly I'm just glad I even thought about it. Sometimes (often) I just act on the impulse.

I started reading Willpower Instinct and decided I'm going to try to start meditating on a regular basis. This isn't the first time meditation has been suggested to me, or that I've attempted it, and it's been mentioned in so many things I've read lately. There are supposed to be so many positive effects, not just weight loss. I think it will help me deal with the stress in my life better, and maybe be a nicer, happier person overall.

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Sat Jun 23, 2012 6:11 am

I've been meditating for the past six weeks or so, and it does really help. But meditation is like No-S in that it is simple, but not easy! The most difficult thing for me was carving the time out every day and remembering to do it. I started with just 5 minutes per day for the first couple weeks - a no brainer so it made it easy to cultivate the habit at first. I found an online timer (http://www.online-stopwatch.com/timer/5-minutes/) where I plugged in 5 minutes and I would just do it in front of my computer at the beginning. Now I'm up to 15-20 minutes per day, and I actually go sit somewhere quiet. I've stopped needing a timer, too.

Good luck - let me know how it goes!

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Fri Jun 29, 2012 9:47 am

Hi, thanks for stopping by. I did have a red day yesterday but had 2 yellows and 1 green this week so far.

I truly think that if I don't binge and have one thing out of no s vanilla, is success.

I have read here before that this really wasn't meant for eating disorders, so for those of use with binge eating disorders and the WTH personalities, green, yellow, red, really might work...kind of white, gray, black = WGB.

So for now, giving the WGB a chance.

Have a great Friday!!!!

MJ7910 · Post by **MJ7910** » Fri Jun 29, 2012 1:17 pm

i agree. i may start using "stopped WTH" as a new habit cal and just use that for a while. sounds like a great idea. i need to work on stopping WTH the most. so maybe that is the first goal. like you, history of eating disorder problems. No S isn't really designed for us and i think we get WTH because we get so anxiety ridden if we "mess up" and then we jsut keep doing worse.

rungirl96 · Post by **rungirl96** » Sun Jul 01, 2012 12:12 pm

Me and the kids are off to NYC today to visit my sister, we'll be there until Thursday. Looking forward to getting out of this awful heat for a little while, and in a big city again! Even if it's 92 in NYC that's 10 degrees cooler than what it's been here. I have cabin fever! For me that leads to too much eating. I don't even know where to start on that subject so I'm just not going to talk about it. I know what to do, it's the DOING that I so easily give up on. I've been reading Mindless Eating and Willpower Instinct. Good books, learning good things from both. I'm really not worried about my eating this week. When I'm busy and preoccupied with other things I don't focus on it nearly as much. But I wouldn't mind eating some fantastic food while we're there! Stuff that's actually worth the extra calories.

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Sun Jul 01, 2012 2:18 pm

Have a great visit to NYC! Jealous. I know how it is to be cabin fever! WE are leaving for a month (just me and the kids) to Utah tomorrow. I can't wait to get outta the rain and dark! I may be regretting saying that when I'm roasting, but it's summer and doesn't feel like it!

Sorry the eating isn't going that great....but I do know how it is to read all these books and think they are insightful, cool, but not really know what to apply them fully. I think vacays are a little easier sometimes because you have to actually buy/sit down with your meals and you avoid the boredom of your own food, which sometimes leads to bingeing.

I'll prob have tons of big event parties, but on the flip side be surrounded with friends and family, and hopefully that will lead to less emotional eating...?

Take care. Stay strong and like you said, this is a chance to not be preoccupied with foods, but focus on other things! Soooo much out there that's better!

xo

Amy3010 · Post by **Amy3010** » Mon Jul 02, 2012 7:27 am

Have a great trip to NYC! I know what you mean about the cabin fever thing - nothing worse for getting into snack mode... I'm hoping the same thing as you for the vacation - shifting the focus to something else besides food and meals!

Everyday Systems

rungirl96 Daily Check-in

rungirl96 Daily Check-in

Starting new today!

Willpower

No cake!