Sinnie's 2013 Check in

No BS · Post by **No BS** » Sat Apr 06, 2013 2:58 am

Sinnie wrote:At this point, I still believe it's going to happen and I'm not sure if I'm being delusional or what, but that keeps me going, living in this little bubble.

Keep the faith, Sinnie. My niece had troubles getting pregnant, dealt with years of disappointments & frustration, ended up finally taking fertility drugs ...... AND safely delivered healthy twins in January.

I applaud your determination & commitment.

Enjoy your "S" days, your weekend, and your No"S" determination & commitment next week.

Maybe the frustrations of being unable to orchestrate a pregnancy right now can be mitigated by orchestrating No"S" successes instead.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sat Apr 06, 2013 10:57 am

Great story, thank you for sharing. Success stories are by far the #1 thing that gives me hope!!! I feel so happy for your niece.

I'm looking forward to another great day with no emotional eating. With two days under my belt, I'm back "down" to 123 (I say it like that, because it still feels like a gain seeing that number). Anyways, I decided something about S says. If I were to take one now, it would completely unravel what I'm working for. I'm in a delicate state and binging is second nature. To reverse that wiring, I need to stop it altogether and therefore free-for-all thinking has to go COMPLETELY.

Having said that, I still plan on enjoying desserts and whatnot. But my plan is to save those for special or unusual situations. I want this to fit my life as best as possible. So, if we're out and about on a Saturday and a nice treat presents itself, I'd probably have a bit. If I see a friend who I haven't seen in months and she offers me a homemade cookie, I'd take it. If it's wednesday afternoon and feel like a donut? That would be a no. I know the circumstances where it's appropriate, and those that are not. I'm not sure if I'm explaining it how I'm thinking about it, but I'll continue to post and show what I mean

I feel really good about it. I think it's the plan for me.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sat Apr 06, 2013 2:30 pm

W: 123 lbs

Biiig breakfast today! Egg w/ spinach, bacon, crepe with berries, some pineapple, one hashbrown and coffee (oh, and my little chia concoction).

No BS · Post by **No BS** » Sat Apr 06, 2013 2:41 pm

OMG, your breakfast sounds scrumptious!!

Now I'm scratching my head wondering what I'll have for brunch!!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Apr 07, 2013 12:09 pm

Hehe thanks No BS!

I'm feeling a bit disappointed this morning. I was absolutely ravenous before dinner. And God bless DH, he was trying to help and tell me not to snack but it irritated the crap out of me. So I snacked secretly because when I'm that hungry I go into another mode, outside of myself. I'm not sure if it was psychological. I mean, I ate chicken, rice, pineapple and 1/2 pb banana wrap for lunch. DH didn't eat much differently than me and he is obviously much bigger, and was fine. I avoided all sweets when we were out but was tempted. We got coffees instead. So for dinner we had curried salmon, naan and salad. Very filling. And I made brownies and had a few of those with my latte later on.

Woke up to 125 on the scale. I just can't believe how it seems "all the sudden" (it's been so gradual), I'm up 10 lbs. I can see how if you don't check or pay attention, one could easily gain tons of weight and not even realize it. I could really tell the difference trying on some clothes at the stores yesterday. It didn't upset me, but it was interesting to note.

KL · Post by KL » Mon Apr 08, 2013 7:24 pm

Sinnie wrote: I want this to fit my life as best as possible.

For me this is key. Wishing you best of luck on your new mod.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Apr 09, 2013 12:04 am

Thanks KL

Well, this morning was 126.5. Every day I gain more. I've been binging and flirting with diets and calorie counting and it's just bad. DH told me I spend way too much time on diet sites and waste a lot of time. Can't even say it's not true. I had a realization that I need to start DOING and stop reading. There is no magic, no best diet, nothing but picking a plan and sticking to it.

I've decided I'll simply do Vanilla No S minus the crazy weekends. I truly look to my husband and ask what he'd do (a natural No Ser). He'd never pick at food while cleaning up, sneak food between meals and rarely has dessert.

I'll try to come on here much less. Maybe at the end of the day if I've done well as a reward, or once I've gotten some chores done. I can spend hours on the internet reading about diets and then binge. It's so stupid. I could spend that time being productive and in turn feeling better about myself.

Today I picked myself up, dusted off and committed to a new start. I had black coffee for breakfast, salmon/barley salad/pear/small coffee with cream for lunch and bbq chicken breast/perogies and spinach salad for dinner. Chai tea w/ whole milk and 1/2 tsp sugar after. 3 plates, no problem.

I also did 14 minutes, ironed, put away laundry, cleaned the kitchen, packed lunches, got clothes ready for tomorrow morning, paid bills and organized them and I feel great. It's amazing how much better you feel when you accomplish things.

Not over thinking this. Just sticking to the rules. I don't plan on weighing until next Monday.

No BS · Post by **No BS** » Tue Apr 09, 2013 12:19 am

Sinnie wrote: Today I picked myself up, dusted off and committed to a new start. .........
......Not over thinking this. Just sticking to the rules. I don't plan on weighing until next Monday.

Way to go, Sinnie!! It really is that simple.

There is no magic, and no magic bullet, just time, patience and consistently sticking to your new habits.

And holy-hannah, did you ever get a lot done today, already!! YAHOO!!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Apr 09, 2013 11:13 pm

Thanks no bs! I had another productive day! Did 14 minutes of exercise and began my new mission to learn the piano...I know absolutely nothing. Did more than 14 mins on acct of dh being home and playing around with me. Going to clean the shower now:)

B: crepe with berries, tiniest maple syrup bc it was sour. Toast with pb.

L: small slice pizza, small bowl pea potato soup, cheese string, fruit salad and almonds.

D: 1 whole wheat roti w/ beef, avocad, tomato cheese etc. Half a naan with same (well, chicken), kale chips. Had a pumpkin latte after no sugar added.

joasia · Post by **joasia** » Wed Apr 10, 2013 2:02 am

Hey, my uncle and aunt were married 12 years before they were able to have my first first cousin ever. Hang in there. It is tough, but never hopeless

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Apr 10, 2013 12:03 pm

Thank you for sharing, milczar. I always need to hear that it is never hopeless. I am truly believing that these days

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Apr 16, 2013 11:45 am

I did badly pretty much all last week. I weighed myself yesterday and still at 126 I couldn't believe I have gained so much weight over this stress. How easy and effortless it used to be to maintain 10 lbs lower. Makes you wonder what happened.

ANyways, I did well yesterday eating nothing for breakfast (not on purpose, absolutely no time, lunch was a wrap with cheese & chicken and the berries/nuts/milk from breakfast I never ate (skipped the apple). Dinner was kale chips and a bunch of leftovers (fish, steak, chicken, pasta, barley, etc - it fit on one plate, except the kale chips!).

Weight was 124 this morning so here's hoping to get back to my fighting weight soon.

No BS · Post by **No BS** » Sat Apr 20, 2013 5:41 pm

Hi Sinnie, hope you are having a great weekend!

Congrats on the 2 pound weight loss I noticed in your last post!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Apr 21, 2013 11:48 pm

Thanks No BS. Unfortunately, I've been doing badly. Well, I counted calories for a few days and got my weight down to 123 lbs until DH put me in my place and reminded me why I need a lifestyle change, not counting. I ate quite a bit yesterday as I was out and then at someone's house for dinner. My weight shot up 3.5 lbs overnight. It never used to settle this high. DH said this isn't from last night, it's from the last few months. I know...

More stress today as I now found this bump on the back of my head near the base of my skull. Of course I start to get all melodramatic and think I've got cancer or something.

Well, back to basics for the zillionth time. 3 balanced meals. No sweets.

B: black coffee and cookie (oops)

L: green smoothie w/ cashew butter; cereal (oats/nuts/seeds/special k/cinnamon and whole milk)

D: indian butter chicken, 1 naan, basmati and baby kale

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 10:52 pm

#1: slice multigrain toast w/ butter and cinnamon, green smoothie

#2: butter chicken, rice, mini cucumber and apple

#3: 5 fish fries, 1/2 naan, veg and salad

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Apr 23, 2013 12:03 pm

#1: whole wheat bagel w/ butter & cinnamon (a lil jam on half), an orange, a tiny bowl of nuts/seeds/coconut with whole milk..

#2: sauteed veggies, 1 naan, feta cheese and an apple.

#3: chicken chili, 2 pieces of bread and watermelon

SpiritSong · Post by **SpiritSong** » Tue Apr 23, 2013 12:50 pm

Hmmm, I think I am going to make myself some cinnamon toast this week. Sounds good!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Apr 23, 2013 3:16 pm

Do it, Spirit Song! It really is delish! I've never done it that way before, but I love cinnamon, it's supposedly good for you, and I love it on toast now

It makes it taste sweet to me even though i don't add sugar.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Apr 26, 2013 12:15 pm

#1: coffee with coconut oil and whole milk

#2: pasta w/ mozza & feta, apple, small banana

#3: small bowl bean & rice soup, 1 beef rib, potato w/ cheese & sour cream, coleslaw, corn

Weight is 122.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Apr 26, 2013 12:17 pm

#1: coffee w/ coconut oil, slice toast w/ peanut butter

#2: naan w/ lots of cheese on it, apple, small banana, baby carrots & ranch dip

#3: fish, hamburger patty, mini pita, perogies and salad; juice

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Apr 29, 2013 1:22 pm

Too much this weekend. 123.5

#1: toast w/ lots of natural peanut butter, bit of low-sugar jelly. Coffee with splash of whole milk and coconut oil (spoonful).

#2: spinach salad with strawberries and chicken breast generously tossed with greek dressing; maybe an apple if I'm still hungry

#3: beef ribs, veggies of some sort and leftover bbq potatoes

Eeyore · Post by **Eeyore** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 1:08 am

I gotta say, I just love your menus.

No BS · Post by **No BS** » Wed May 01, 2013 2:17 am

Sinnie, you are on an awesome roll!! Your menus look great!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed May 01, 2013 11:43 am

hahaha thanks Eeyore and No BS!!!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed May 01, 2013 3:13 pm

122.5

#1: slice multigrain bread with pb & j; fruit; decaf w/ whole milk and coconut oil

#2: potatoes covered in cheese, beef ribs, baby carrots, fruit

#3: whole wheat pasta (tomato sauce, mozza & feta), some kind of meat, spinach salad w/ strawberries

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri May 03, 2013 1:35 pm

Weight went to 121.5 yesterday and back up to 122.5 today. I've been eating desserts every day, so I want to curb that behaviour.

#1: huge smoothie (avocado, spinach, orange, strawberries, banana, cranberry juice) and bowl of cereal w/ whole milk

#2: deli meat sandwich, vitamix veg/bean/corn soup

#3: at a friend's house, pizza I believe, will limit to two slices

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri May 03, 2013 4:16 pm

Well, I just updated on the main No S Discussion, but I'll put it here too. I just found out this week I am pregnant. Happy doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling, it's the biggest understatement I can think of. I'm freakin' ecstatic!!!
I've never felt better either. I'm obviously trying to eat as healthy as possible, and maybe as a result am finding it easy to stick to three meals. I'll ask the doctor about it, but it's my plan for the pregnancy. Plus milk when needed for low blood sugar, which I have not experienced any of this week (i usually do).
I am praying everything goes well!

sophiasapientia · Post by **sophiasapientia** » Fri May 03, 2013 6:13 pm

Congratulations, Sinnie!!! I'm so very happy for you and your DH! Sending lots of sticky baby wishes your way ....

Anoulie · Post by **Anoulie** » Fri May 03, 2013 7:18 pm

Oh wow, Sinnie, that is wonderful! Congratulations! That's the main reason I kept checking your Daily Check-In, because I was sure it would happen one day. I'll keep on praying for your little family if you don't mind

How far along are you?

NoSRocks · Post by **NoSRocks** » Fri May 03, 2013 8:24 pm

MANY CONGRATULATIONS SINNIE!!!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun May 05, 2013 12:24 pm

Thank you very much to all of you!!!
Anoulie, I'm only 4 weeks along I think (well, in my mind, two weeks, but they count from your period I've heard -- haven't had an appointment yet). Your prayers mean the world to me. I really appreciate it. I feel that everything will be fine, but you never know, and I think I'd die if I had to go through that torture of trying to conceive again...

As for diet, I'm trying to stick to three meals. Yesterday we ate out to celebrate and it put me up three lbs to 125.5

But I'm not too worried. I just don't want to gain too much and have a hard time getting it off. I'll see what the doc says

Thanks for your support

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon May 06, 2013 3:36 pm

Hmm, weight is still at 125 lbs. This is disconcerting because that means in one week I've gained 3 lbs (which should be all I gain in the first trimester). I know it's probably going to fluctuate, and I don't want to obsess, but i also don't want a situation where I get huge, feel uncomfortable and have unnecessary weight gain which is not healthy. I definitely ate way too much this weekend.

No nausea yet, but I definitely notice less hunger than usual. I typically eat lunch at 11am because of work, but today I just can't eat this early.

B: half decaf w/ coconut oil; cup frozen mangoes blended with cup of whole milk; apple

L: beef strips, cucumber/whole yellow pepper/1 stick celery with avocado salsa (yum) and ranch dip.

D: beef ribs, 2 corn on the cob, mixed root veggies, mashed potatoes, salad, a few banana/oatmeal/chocolate chip cookies and piece of pear strudel. Yup, overdid it! Picked at some pasta when I got home.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue May 07, 2013 12:12 pm

W: 124

#1: toast w/ tiny butter, 2 eggs w/ cheese and spinach fried in coconut oil. Black decaf.

#2: big spinach salad w/ lamb, feta, tomato, avocado, cucumber and olive oil dressing; pear

#3: probably making pad thai with chicken breast, broccoli with butter

No ideal weight, only ideal behaviours...aiming for 3 proper plates, no picking, no seconds, no dessert!!!

thepowerofcheese · Post by **thepowerofcheese** » Tue May 07, 2013 10:47 pm

Sinnie, I gained a third of my weight in both my pregnancies in the first trimester, and didn't up gaining too much. (34 lbs with my son and 20 with my daughter.) Also, some people bloat due to the hormone shift in the first trimester, so that could be part of it. Congrats again!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed May 08, 2013 12:54 pm

Thanks Marie, that's good to know!

Well, more cookies last night after dinner, and picked a bit. That's ok. Moving on.

Breakfast was slice toast w/ almond butter and jam; apple; decaf with milk

Lunch is a big salad again with spinach, veg, pear, feta, deli meat and balsamic dressing

Going out for dinner...had a piece of bread dipped in olive oil/vinegar and 1/2 a huge italian stromboli (like a big calzone).

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu May 09, 2013 11:53 am

W: 124

Breakfast was a bowl of cereal (raw oats, few spoons of nut/seed/coconut mixture, cinnamon, some sweet cereal (honey bunches of oats I think it was) and whole milk. 2 eggs fried in olive oil. Black decaf. Apple juice.

No BS · Post by **No BS** » Mon May 13, 2013 2:59 am

Sinnie, I am late to the party but CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am totally and completely thrilled with your wonderful & exciting news!!

Relax and enjoy! Be kind to yourself!!

Happy Mother's Day!! (May 12, 2nd Sunday in May in Canada)

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon May 13, 2013 11:38 am

Thank you, No BS

We celebrated Mother's Day yesterday, it was lovely!

I'm struggling with eating too much though. And I don't know how to curtail it. DH is adamant to continue eating 3 meals. But I'm snacking/picking regularly. My clothes aren't fitting right at all - this isn't appropriate barely into the pregnancy!

W: 124.5

B: 2 eggs fried in coconut oil w/ spinach; bagel with cream cheese; 1/2 cup juice and few chunks of pineapple

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sat May 25, 2013 1:46 pm

Just thought I should update a bit. I'm feeling pretty sick these days, nothing horrible, just a constant wave of nausea all the time. Everyone tells me eating little bits all day long helps. I don't really find that's the case for me, so I'm more or less sticking to three meals, maybe some extra bites and drinks here and there. I have completely lost my appetite where I don't even want to think, write or read about food. Kinda liberating in a weird way.

My weight this morning was 122.5 so it's staying consistent for now. I haven't been binging so that's probably why. But I still feel like I eat a lot, because although I feel very queasy, once i start eating it does actually taste and feel good. Looking forward to this trimester being done so I can feel a bit more normal and enjoy food again.

Been eating much more carbohydrates than usual because that seems to be easier to take, but I worry about the lack of nutrition. the thought of veggies - gross!

Will try to keep this log going a bit here and there. It might be an interesting thing to look back on.

emmay · Post by **emmay** » Tue May 28, 2013 11:34 pm

Hi Sinnie,
I remember feeling just the way you describe, craving bread, repulsed by fresh vegetables. For a while, I only wanted white bread and cheese sandwiches and chocolate ice cream

A multi vitamin might be a good idea until you get your taste for vegetables back.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed May 29, 2013 4:45 pm

Glad to know this is normal

Funny you mention cheese sandwiches, because pizza was the only thing I could imagine eating the other day. I can't wait for this stage to be over, it's pretty miserable

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Jul 07, 2013 2:48 pm

Well, I'm back and hopefully here to update more regularly. I went through this bizarre period where I wouldn't read or write about food. So weird. All my obsessions with food and weight loss just went away and even to the opposite side where I just wanted nothing to do with it. Hormones are crazy!

Well, as I've started feeling much better (my appetite is still very low, but trust me I manage to eat

), I want to get back on three meals. I have been doing OK with it, but I know I eat WAY healthier when I stick to meals. It makes me think about what I'm actually putting in my mouth. So here I am.

B: slice ww bread w/ pb & j; 2 bites cantaloupe; homemade yogurt blended with strawberries

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Jul 07, 2013 5:01 pm

Welcome back, although feeling free from the concern sounds nice...

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Jul 08, 2013 5:44 pm

Hey oolala, actually it was very nice...strange, but nice.

Well, here's today:

Breakfast:
~crepes (brekkie at my sisters) w/ little nutella & pb
~sliced strawberries and blueberries
~small cup of coffee
~small glass of orange juice

Lunch:
~leftover slice very thin crust pizza topped with tiny bit of cheese, artichokes and black olives
~bowl of poutine (fries baked)
~nectarine and few baby carrots w/ dressing
~small slice lemon meringue pie
~glass of water

Dinner:
~TBD

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Jul 12, 2013 3:27 pm

Trudging along here, not finding the time to post. Still not 100% good with my appetite yet, and have been finding myself "using" food...as a comfort or whatever, even though I have no hunger at all. Really want to eliminate that habit, as the last thing I want is to gain way above what I am supposed to. It's not healthy and is setting me up for future bad habits. I also have ZERO morning appetite as a result of eating tons at night.

Breakfast:
~small cup of coffee with milk
~watered down OJ
~half barley-banana muffin with butter

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Jul 17, 2013 11:26 pm

Finally had a decent three meals. It's been such a struggle as of late.

Breakfast was at sister's. We had homemade dumplings with various fruits inside (fresh cherries, apricots or plums, it was a surprise). Small glass OJ.

Lunch was a deli sandwich with salad and fruit.

Dinner was cevapcici (I think 2.5), perogies (4?), rice (cup?) and grilled zucchini. Juice with sparkling water. Slice of watermelon. Not all taken at the same time.

My goal right now is to have three meals at distinct times, sitting down, even if I don't plate all of it at once. I've kinda fallen into this trap of eating "just cuz im pregnant". Sites scare you saying even if you're not hungry, your baby is etc. That sets up both guilt and a reason to randomly snack on good or not-so-good foods. I'm done with that.

I felt hungry right before dinner, just as I started prepping. I had a nice tall glass of milk and it actually did tide me over! I usually find it doesn't help, but the truth is it's such a mild feeling of "better-ness" that doesn't set in right away. It works, and you haven't spoiled your appetite!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:11 am

The extra calories needed in pregnancy are only about 300 per day. Certainly not a reason to snack all day. That's the equivalent of an extra banana or the like each meal. Even if a woman takes in no extra calories, if calories are needed for the baby's development, her body is made to take them from any extra stores, which most of us have. It's the equivalent of 1.4 ounces of stored fat- less than 2 tablespoons.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:30 pm

oolala, what you said. Exactly.

Feeling fantastic being back on three meals. I went to the farmers market for the first time this morning and brought my parents. We bought local green/yellow beans, beets, corn and strawberries. Will be a feast tonight

I was not hungry at all for an early breakfast, so I just had juice and waited it out. We were home by 10:30am and I bought fresh croissants at the grocery store - let's be honest not the most authentic - but heated up in the oven were quite nice actually. The tiniest smear of jam, those delicious fresh local strawberries, small cup of coffee and juice. I feel great.

I'll push lunch off a bit, maybe until 1 or so, and then dinner around 6:30pm I'm guessing. I'll update on my food. My goal right now is 100% just to try my best preparing and enjoying three meals. They don't have to be perfect, or one plate, or whatever...just getting away from snacking, eating quickly, and not enjoying what I've made. It really is just feeling so freeing and wonderful.

Just had lunch. Some fruit, 1 cevapcici, 2.5 perogies, small pile of rice and a paleo chocolate chip cookie with natural pb. I had two lying around since I made them, not much time or options. Feeling very good!

Dinner was lovely. I made a recipe I just saw that sounded good and I had all the ingredients: creamy lemony pasta. I just type what main ingredients I have into google and it's amazing what you can find. It was divine. Wings, as well as fresh homemade bread (that 5 minute artisan recipe) and sauteed beans with bacon.

Today was super easy. My mindset has totally shifted. I'm not doing this super strict must be perfect kind of way. I'm just casually steering myself into three meals a day, no fuss, no stress. I had a bean, and snitched a tiny piece of bacon before dinner to try it, and that didn't set me off because I "failed". I was not picking, and didn't even think to. I had more helpings because I started with small portions - again, would have set me off to fail, but not anymore.

I think I'm in a great position right now to teach myself new habits. I'm not looking for weight loss, so it's truly about building a new lifestyle. One that doesn't include binging for small things. Having that stress completely lifted allows me to just focus on this one thing. Plus, the what-the-hell effect isnt grabbing me anymore. I say to myself, well, this was a far improvement to what I usually do, and I'm happy with myself.

Physically, I'm feeling better than ever.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Jul 31, 2013 1:11 pm

I haven't been doing too well with my eating sanely 3 meals. I have been giving it a lot of thought, and went back and read my posts from years ago. How far I've come with regard to my weight and how much no snacking has literally saved me, re-inspired me. I need to post more frequently if only as a kind of diary. It's really cool to look back on.

My thoughts are this. I am going to aim for 3 meals a day - healthy meals (I've been very relaxed about this up until now). A carb, fruit/veg and protein at every meal, along with a glass of milk. Easy, simple, nutritious, sustainable. If really needed, or when eating very late, a simple small afternoon meal will be included.

Here's to Day 1 of a healthier me and baby:) I'd like to go for 2 weeks of really good compliance! Then off to Italy for my "babymoon"

Breakfast:
A fried egg with a slice of light swiss melted over, served on half a toasted cheese bagel. Peach slices and a few red grapes. A fairly big glass of 1% milk with ice. This plate looks beautiful!

Lunch was 1/2 a sausage from the butcher's bbq (they are big), and I brought along an apple and a bottle of cold milk.

Dinner will be roast chicken (ill probably take the breast), rice and spinach salad with milk for a drink!

Today has gone unbelievably well and I feel the best I can remember!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Aug 01, 2013 12:33 pm

Similar breakfast today which I can't finish. In a bad mood, just irritated, plus it's too much food. A bagel with egg and cheese (will eat 1/2), large nectarine, some yogurt and milk.

Lunch was the leftover half bagel from breakfast, a green apple with a few grapes, bowl of canned beef/barley soup, small piece of fish and glass of milk.

Just had a 5pm mini meal of yogurt and a nectarine. However, I resisted an ice cream cone someone else was having, and another dessert being served at the store for charity.

I did eat a couple small pieces of cheese preparing dinner. Dinner was spaghetti with clams, wings and spinach salad and a glass of milk.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:33 pm

Out of milk, I'll need to pop into the store today. Today is Day 3 of the easiest Success I've had in a long time! Weight has been about 128 lbs.

B: 1/2 blueberry bagel with cream cheese, green apple, few grapes, plain/vanilla yogurt mixture, smaller glass of milk

L: small bowl of kraft dinner, grapes, piece mango, fresh bread with pb & j, milk

*snacked on peanuts and popcorn while waiting for our friends for dinner

D: 3 slices thin crust vegetarian pizza, salad

At the tables we continued snacking on peanuts, pringles, popcorn and had dessert, which was a scoop of ice cream, 1/4 ice cream sandwich and 1/2 a cookie. It was a night with some friends I rarely see. I felt too full, didn't enjoy dessert as a result, but didnt think too much about it as it was a one-off. Onto the next day of proper healthy eating!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Aug 04, 2013 10:01 am

Updating for yesterday...

B: monte cristo (egg dipped bread fried with ham and swiss), a green apple and milk

L: Picnic with my family! long multigrain bun with chicken snitzel, little mayo and veggies, piece of sausage, some cobb salad, chips, 2 pieces blueberry strudel, 1 tiny butter cookie...I think that was all. I was full! It was a wonderful afternoon. My mom put just about all of it together and she makes everything from scratch

D: still fairly full...had a couple pieces of chinese dumplings for appetizer, then some pasta, 1 chicken leg and fairly large amount of arugula salad with strawberries. Glass of milk.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Aug 04, 2013 10:07 am

Woke up around 4am to go to the bathroom. Couldn't go back to sleep. Around 4:45am decided to go downstairs and make fresh cinnamon buns for Sunday morning when everyone wakes up. Maybe I'll invite parents and sister's family for coffee and a roll. I love that we all live so close now!

I was feeling quite hungry so I had a very early breakfast of a cinnamon raisin bagel with butter, glass of milk and a nectarine. I also am making my prenatal vitamin a "part of breakfast." I always can't remember if I took it or not, so seeing it as an actual part of the plate should trigger my memory later!

Feeling quite happy and relieved that my plan is working so well. I think the milk with every meal is helping way more than I ever expected. I tend to drink water between meals, as the milk snack rather than with a meal did NOT have the same effect of keeping me satiated.

I ate a sort of second breakfast with the family. DH made eggs, and I had a few bites, with one smallish cinnamon bun (w/ frosting).

Went to a bbq this afternoon. Had 1.5 buns, some roasted pig fresh from the spit, a bunch of different salads (potato, coleslaw, barley, etc etc). Then dessert - piece of cake (didn't finish), 1.5 cookies, sliver of brownie, couple bites of some bar thing.

Dinner was a piece of steak (maybe 1/3?), perogies (3 or 4) and spinach salad with fruit in it. Big glass of milk.

Yay! Loving this plan

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Aug 04, 2013 3:31 pm

Nice work!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Aug 05, 2013 12:44 am

Thanks oolala! I'm quite pleased

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Aug 05, 2013 3:31 pm

Okay, so I'm 129.5 today which seems a lot to me, but I looked at the pregnancy weight gain calculators which says I'm right on track for 17 weeks given my starting weight. Since that weight was higher than my average, it makes sense why this feels too much. Not obsessing at all about it though; it's reallllllly nice to just focus on healthy eating and the weight will take care of itself as it needs to.

B: small frosted cinnamon roll, milk, nectarine, couple strawberries, eggs.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Aug 07, 2013 1:55 pm

Hmm, looks like I didn't get a chance to post the last couple days. I can't really remember what I ate.

I'm toying with how I do this plan. I'm interested to get down my habits better. But I can't really decide what is most important to me. Some of my thoughts:

#1: No snacking - "I am not a snacker" - this attitude and mindset is likely the number one thing I've done the last few years to bring my weight down to a slim level.

#2: No sugar unless it's a special situation - this because sugar is clearly bad and unnecessary. I tend to eat sweets just because I can, not because I want them - they're just there. Maybe it'd be good to eliminate this.

#3: Sweets every day - this is the flip side of #2. Being allowed sweets every day takes care of any desires that may arise because it's a regular occurrence. It seems normal enough, and I know personally you can stay skinny doing this...but is it healthy to crowd out healthy foods.

#4: One plate rule or no? I don't know any skinny person who does this. I don't find it necessary. But is it? To see my meal all at once may be beneficial. But I also don't want to fall into a clean plate mentality.

#5: Just eat until I am satisfied at a meal no matter how many courses or plates that includes. I've got a fairly good gauge.

I feel like being pregnant is perfect training ground because I can cement habits without focusing on "AM I LOSING WEIGHT!!!???". The right answer, I'm assuming here, would be to follow the healthiest possible diet without sweets as much as possible. I think I may try that with more gusto and continue following my plan posted above (every meal has carb, protein, fruit/veg and milk) as it's continued to work very well. The hard part is following it when I'm out and about, eating at friends place etc.

B: 1 egg with cheese, dempsters whole grain bread 1 slice with butter, nectarine and glass 1% milk

L: small bowl of pasta soup with cheese on top, 1 fish stick, spoon natural pb and glass of milk, orange and 4 dried apricots

Was quite hungry and snacked on fruit, cheese and had a big glass of clamato juice.

D: rice, chili, cuke tomato salad, milk

Had an ice cream popsicle after dinner. Was sooooo good. Vanilla covered in chocolate and almonds.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Aug 08, 2013 5:44 pm

B: toast w/ pb, 1/2 c. plain yogurt, apple, cup of milk

L: sandwich with cheese and tomato, 1/2 donut, 1/2 pastry-like (it was actually more bread-like) thing with ricotta? (not super sweet, from the polish store), couple chips

D: Will be at mom's house - I think pad thai and salad, maybe another 1/2 donut

Imogen Morley · Post by **Imogen Morley** » Thu Aug 08, 2013 6:17 pm

That bread-like thing you had from the Polish shop - well, that's exactly what I was talking about in my check-in thread! A crossover between cake and bread. I didn't know you could find that kind of pastry outside Poland, but I guess it's like kieÅ‚basa or pierogi - wherever there are Polish immigrants you can find all the typical Polish foodstuffs.
Your plan looks very sensible and well-balanced. Personally, I love most things people call healthy or even (hate that word) diety, but it doesn't mean I eat things I don't like just because they're dubbed superfoods. And it doesn't mean I skip artisan ice cream or perfect cheesecake when they're offered to me, either. After much trial and error I know what keeps me pleasantly full, so that I can take my mind off my palate and focus on more interesting things than just food, and as it happens, what keeps me satisfied is most decidedly NOT a doughnut and coffee combo.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed, and I'll be following your thread with even greater interest now! You go, girl!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Aug 08, 2013 7:45 pm

That is too funny! I went back to your thread and read about the same pastry you just mentioned LOL. I am guessing you live in Poland. I am Slovenian background (born in Canada) but there's a grocery store that my mum and I like to go to occasionally that caters to a more eastern European customer. By the way, I LOVE pierogi, my mother can make a mean batch!

Thanks for the comment on my plan. I am trying to be sensible, although I'm feeling a little binge-y today, because I didn't eat all of lunch at once. But I'm going to bypass the perfectionism mentality and continue on like normal.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Aug 09, 2013 2:31 pm

I didn't do well last night. I snacked quite a bit, not from hunger but thinking I didn't eat enough "healthy things" and how I am going to hurt the baby somehowâ€¦gahhhhâ€¦.I need to stop reading. I am very laid back and don't get wrapped up in such nonsense, but then you start to think, oh, maybe I'm TOO laid back. I've been eating sweets, and all the articles say that's some huge NO NO, I don't even know why. I guess it crowds out healthier foodsâ€¦

Anyways, my stress levels are very high this morning. DH is working tons, step daughter is a problem, we leave on vacation on Monday and the weekend is very fullâ€¦so much to do today but I'm not motivated at all. I need to find a way around all this stress.

As a result, I scarfed down breakfast which wasn't even healthy:

B: Small spoon pb, 2 pieces of french toast (made w/ whole grain at least, 1 egg and cinnamon) somewhat drenched in real maple syrup, no fruit, no glass of milk (just a sip). Decaf coffee. Ehhh. I hope this day gets better.

Lunch was really snacking, but I'll list it: cherries, nectarine, tangerine, slice bread with slice cheese, few bites trail mix, sampled the potato salad. I think that was it.

Snack: made pasta and cheese sauce for SDD, and had a very small serving.

Went to Starbucks with a friend, and got a grande iced peach green tea.

Dinner will be lamb, naan or pasta, kale w/ bacon and maybe salad.

On another note, there are fresh chocolate chip cookies in the kitchen. It just occurred to me I haven't even thought about eating one. Being pregnant is so weird.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Fri Aug 09, 2013 9:24 pm

Dear Sinnie.
I hope your day got better and the weekend allows you some relaxation in your vigilance. You are doing so well and coping with a lot of change in your body and life. These are challenging things. Be kind to yourself.
Tessy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Aug 09, 2013 10:23 pm

Thank you, Tessytwinkle. Such kind comments go a long way on a bad day. Things started to turn up, and I'm fighting with not snacking before dinner - again, not out of hunger, but out of this new not-caring mindset. I never thought I'd be one of "those" pregnant women, but's it's kinda happening...

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Aug 11, 2013 12:37 pm

Those thoughts are just the overeating reptile brain talking. It'll say anything! Let your prefrontal cortex lovingly coax it back into its cage and feed it the mouse....later.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Aug 11, 2013 1:52 pm

You know what oolala, you're absolutely spot on. Overeating is something I've always done out of comfort and now is the perfect excuse as so many believe. It's the last thing I want to do! It needs to be caged...love the analogy. Thanks so much.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Aug 11, 2013 3:25 pm

B: 2 pancakes w/ syrup, 1 orange, bit of scrambled eggs and milk

L: soup, small glass milk, few green beans, mushrooms, and potatoes. Was not hungry and felt very full.

S: DH stopped on the road at Tim Hortons for coffee and ordered a half dozen donuts (so out of character). Just because we never do that and it sounded like fun I got an extra small decaf with milk and had a boston cream. Felt kinda sick after since I wasn't hungry at all for it, and got no enjoyment out of actually eating it.

D: (first snacked on tortilla chips & salsa & cheese), 1 small corn tortilla w/ steak/sauteed onions/cheese/salsa), 1/2 naan with same toppings, mashed potatoes, piece of polish sausage, coleslaw. VERY FULL.

Had a tiny piece of donut and snacked on a few peanuts as we sat at the table.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Aug 12, 2013 8:45 am

I can't sleep tonight. Almost every night I wake up and have trouble going back to sleep. I decided just to get up this morning and it's 4am. I was giving myself anxiety in bed because my lower abdomen felt weird and in this early morning state felt like there must be something wrong. I think it's just worries because we leave for Italy tonight and maybe not knowing what to expect, the looong travel etc has me stressed. I still need to pack! But I've got all day.

I made myself a hot chocolate (just warmed milk, cocoa, tiny bit of coconut sugar on the stove) to see if that will help. Also ate a few dried apricots.

Okay so food for today has been so-so thus far:

B: 2 pancakes w/ yogurt & drop real maple; leftover pasta; 1 hard boiled egg; grapefruit; milk

L: deli sandwich at my mom's, coleslaw, 1 chip, water w/ drop oj mixed in

Caved and had a couple bites of a cookie - was able to stop there and did not have more - I have some milk to finish it off.

D: we will eat at the airport. One plate of something or other.

My sis told me to avoid the airplane food if I can. It's apparently sodium laden. I like to eat it because it's some bit of fun on an otherwise boring flight. I'm sure I will, to be honest.

I weighed in at 131.5 lbs this morning. I feel I am gaining too fast for 18 weeks pregnant. I've been eating until way past full and want to curb that.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Mon Aug 12, 2013 8:58 am

Dear Sinnie. Travel safely and well. Enjoy Italy it is very lovely. You may have a lot of tension and stress about going on a long journey right now and that may be felt in your tummy. Well done for not raiding the cupboards when you got up. I probably would have done!! Hot chocolate good idea and very comforting I hope all is well and you have a wonderful time.
Tessy

Imogen Morley · Post by **Imogen Morley** » Mon Aug 12, 2013 9:40 am

Bon voyage! I hope your trip will be fun and relaxing, in spite of the long journey.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Aug 12, 2013 1:59 pm

Reminds me, I have to renew my passport!

I hope we'll hear about the food.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Aug 12, 2013 7:39 pm

Thank you all for the good wishes!!! I would love to update when I get back. We are spending most of the trip on the Amalfi Coast and a couple days in Rome. Hope everyone keeps well

"See you" in roughly two weeks!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Aug 14, 2013 8:33 am

Phone is sort of working here. Yesterday was a very long travelling day. At the airport I got a salad because I thought I should eat some veggies and I knew I'd eat on the plane to pass time. Plane food was terrible but ate most of it. The also served breakfast and I had some.
Once in Italy I had lasagna on the train! And some wafer cookies. After a lot of rushing around we had to wait for a boat to take us to the hotel and had a couple popsicles. Dinner I had calamari/shrimp/salad/tiramisu at the restaurant. I considered it an S day bc of the travel, time difference, etc.

This morning breakfast was lovely. I forgot to stick to the one plate rule but I'm going to try enjoying and eating moderately on this trip not stuffinf myself.

B: fruit, an egg,thin slice cheese, piece bread w/ nutella (too sweet), small croissant, yogurt, coffee with frothed milk

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Aug 16, 2013 4:56 pm

Just to update while I have a chance. The lunch on the second day was a mixed salad, piece of bruschetta with anchovies and a bun. Not too hungry bc brekfast was big. Dinner was the most amazing pizza w/ salami and black olives which was HUGE and fries. Did not finish. Way way way too full. Swore not to do that again. Beverage typically water all the time.

Thursday:
B:bacon and eggs (didn't finsh), choc croissant, half pastry, fruit, yogurt, slice toast with butter and jam
L: at remote beach - had mozzarella and tomato panini (was big dh finished for me)
D; mixed salad and lemon ravioli pasta
White chocolate gelato. Amazing quality with chunks of white chocolate but too sweet for me. Couldn't finish.

Friday:
B: finally stuck to one plate - half hard boiled egg, piece cheese and tomatoes with basil on half piece bread, slice toast with ricotta and jam, fruit
L: anther beach lunch - grilled veg panini and fries, again, couldn't finish
Had a virgin mojito and handful corn chips at hotel pool bar later with hubby
D: were going to a place tonight with great reviews. Ill probably get pasta again. More of that artisanal gelato again.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Sat Aug 17, 2013 3:58 am

Wow the food sounds amazing. Enjoy!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sat Aug 24, 2013 11:09 am

Lpearlmom, it was very good. The copious amounts of pasta we ate, the bread, pizza, the panini's, the seafood...oh my. The portions were always generous, and I usually forced myself to eat WAY more than I otherwise would have, or it would look like I barely dented my plate. I am positive I probably gained a lot of weight, which doesn't necessarily bother me, but being pregnant, I feel like I can't just lose it like I would before. DH told me just to eat normally. Whatever happens, happens.

I thought it was interesting that the Italian people were not as skinny as I was expecting (last year in Paris the people were very thin). Italians were certainly not obese, at least the majority, but in the middle - just rounded, a bit chubby. I wonder if that is a recent change..

The jet leg is gonna be killer today. We got in last night local time 8pm. That's 2am in Italy. I slept for about 6 hours, but woke up at 3am and watched tv. Now I'm drinking decaf coffee and writing this. I feel very stressed for some reason...I think it's a combination of post vacation blues knowing all that time I spent with DH is over as work starts up again for me in a few days and he works crazy hours...the reality of running a house and taking care of people, tending to my parents/sister, dog, SDD coming home from camp...it was just so nice being alone and spending time with my husband. It's also my 30th birthday this week.

I re-read the No S book over the vacation with great focus, really paying attention. I think I am going to honestly put all my eggs in one basket and wholeheartedly attempt VANILLA. I've been totally in favour of balanced eating, including sweets everyday, but no snacks...but maybe my willpower needs a firm lesson, it is so weak. Maybe I could get used to the idea and feeling of waiting...

Basically every single day on vacation was an S day. It was almost impossible not to. I typically did not snack at all, but we would eat relatively late (for me) around 8:30-9:30pm, and smack dab around 6 or 7pm I would literally become a shaking mess (felt like that on the inside) where I can't concentrate, could eat a horse, from 0-60 in seconds. I would feel COMPLETELY fine, have a shower to get ready for dinner, step out and absolutely have to eat something. I had nothing in the hotel room, so it would usually be an almond cookie the maids would leave daily. I really tried to avoid doing this but ended up caving. This isn't a pregnant thing, I don't think, as this used to happen to me all the time. Given I dont want to risk passing out right now, I'd eat something, but normally would like to overcome it. It's not from a lack of calories, that I know for sure. If I spaced that food out in snacks, I can guarantee it wouldn't happen, my blood sugar sometimes just crashes when I wait too long. This doesn't seem to happen to other people. It hasn't happened for a while. This is what made calorie counting so attractive to me. If I needed a piece of fruit or cookie to help out, there wasn't any guilt. I dont find juice or milk helps in such a situation. I wish I could just wait it out to see what would actually happen...probably nothing but I feel so faint it's like my body decides on its own it's going to get this blood sugar up no matter what.

Onwards. Today is clearly an S day, but I am positively all S'ed out. We'll see what transpires as the day wears on.

jw · Post by jw » Sat Aug 24, 2013 2:53 pm

All my vacation days were red, too, Sinnie -- and I didn't have the excuse of Italy! Don't be too harsh with yourself, just get back on the horse and enjoy the ride!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Aug 25, 2013 11:46 am

Hey jw, you are absolutely right. Onward!

I am struggling but realizing I absolutely have to commit to No S. For so many reasons. And I really need to forget about weight. Oh, but that vanity thing. It can be a real killer to plans going well. I am too scared to weigh myself after the italy excesses. Being short, I really dont want to exceed that 25 lb weight gain and I still have 4.5 months to go...

I read that article on the main forum about the weight loss consultant apology. It really opened my eyes and reminded me what I already knew. I need to eat enough, normally, and as healthy/unprocessed as possible. No S is a way of eating I want to implement in my child's life (as in proper meals, limited snacking etc). I need to get this down now. It provides sanity and relief. Why when it goes badly do I want to give up? I think it's tied to the old idea that if I eat too much/too caloric, the day becomes a write off and I want to restart with another plan. So stupid.

Yesterday I was so hungry at breakfast which was unusual. It was maybe the jetleg because 8am was really 2 pm to my body. So I ate breakfast of 2 eggs, 3 pieces bacon, piece bread with butter, and small dish of fruit crisp. Then I had seconds of the fruit crisp. Still hungry, after DH left the room, I had a couple spoonfuls of peanut butter and a bowl of cereal. Maybe something else, I can't remember. Oh yeah, a chocolate chip homemade cookie defrosted from the freezer. It was a secretive binge and I hate that.

I wasnt hungry again until 3:30pm and snacked on fruit, barley salad, dried apricots.

For dinner, I had the family over and tried to replicate an Italian meal.
Antipasto - fresh mozzarella with tomato slices (forgot to get basil) drizzled with olive oil, balsamic and dried oregano. Very thinly sliced proscuitto. Fresh bread.
First course - pasta genovese (onion and meat sauce). I brought the pasta home from Italy and made the sauce!
Second course - not very Italian BBQ beef ribs and salad. Oh, I thought this was cool about Italy - every single restaurant brought the olive oil and balsamic vinegar to the table and you dressed your own salad. So I did that too.
Dessert - watermelon

Moving on and going to believe in No S. This is an S day which means I can't fail. Repeat to myself: SINNIE, THIS IS AN S DAY AND YOU CAN'T FAIL.

Imogen Morley · Post by **Imogen Morley** » Sun Aug 25, 2013 12:53 pm

Sinnie wrote: I think it's tied to the old idea that if I eat too much/too caloric, the day becomes a write off and I want to restart with another plan. So stupid.

THIS. You explained it perfectly.
If you're eating normally, sometimes you have too much, and it's not a big deal. You probably unconsciously eat less at the next meal, because you don't feel comfortable with a full stomach. But when you're dieting... WTH or "Last Supper syndrome" kick in, and you start stuffing your face. I remember the line from "The Willpower Instinct" about WTH effect having a lot do to with fixing guilt. You "blew it", so you gravitate towards the fastest and easiest fix for your crabby mood - for people like us, it's food. But when you forgive and remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, you get the chance to adjust and move on.
To be honest, I still don't know how I feel about S days. They're becoming calmer, but I think they reinforce the dieting/scarcity mindset anyway... Any thoughts on that?

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Aug 26, 2013 10:37 am

I've been so all-over-the-place that my thoughts don't hold much promise, but I think I'm at a point mentally where Vanilla No S is the path I should take, and part of that is learning, as Reinhard says in the book, a touch of common sense. I think S days can certainly absolutely reinforce the dieting/scarcity mindset - it definitely has for me in the past. Any diet, really. Monday was always the "start over" day which kind of carried on with No S. But yesterday, despite my esses over the vacation, I treated like another S day as though I've been doing it for years. It actually went very well. I started to go into binge mode when at that same Polish grocery store we were buying donuts, and looking around at all the cool international food. I started to get hungry, think oh no I can't eat until I get home for lunch..damn it ill just binge...etc...Then I said, wait, its an S day, have a snack if you want! I had an apple in the car, some watermelon when I came home and waited for DH to have lunch. It was a normal sized lunch, not one plate, but smallish. Then my family came over for those donuts in the afternoon. I think I had just over half of one. Waited until dinner, had a normal portion, maybe even quite small and didn't feel like dessert. I just decided to take away the restrictions and make myself feel good. It worked! It doesn't feel good to overeat but it does feel good to have the option of whatever I want and therefore I didn't need enormous amounts. It also helped that I said when I officially start Day 1 Vanilla tomorrow, I won't make myself go extraordinarily hungry, nor will I avoid milk or juice if I need it. It helped take away the scarcity mindset. I really, really want to do this.

Anyways, sorry for the book I wrote. I have lots more to say but I need to eat brekkie and go for my ultrasound this morning! Finding out if it's a boy or girl and I am nervous!

Imogen Morley · Post by **Imogen Morley** » Mon Aug 26, 2013 11:12 am

WOW! Hope you can share the news with us!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Aug 26, 2013 1:11 pm

Exciting!

I think many people get help from your musings.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Aug 28, 2013 12:52 pm

Hey guys,

Well, it's been a very busy couple of days. Stressful, too, very stressful. You would think such happy times should call for pure peace & joy, but life has a way of making that not happen sometimes. As a result, my perfect Monday re-start of N day compliance was shot. I tried sooo hard, but snacks at my moms after lunch just crumbled me. Familial discord, tension, anxiety about the baby (especially DH), work, and a host of other things was just too much to also carry the weight of building a new habit. I'm being gentle with myself. My 30th Birthday was yesterday, so that was an S day naturally. I didn't binge, which was good.

Onto other more fun and interesting and upbeat news: I'm having a little girl!!!!!!!!!!!!! Couldn't be happier and although everyone seemed to be hoping for a boy (b/c my sis had a boy, she wanted to give me all the clothes and have a buddy for him) we are all ecstatic. I only really care that she is healthy and well

Here goes another day I am shooting for the best I can do with N day compliance:

B: toast w/ natural pb, strawberries/nectarine/banana with pb
L: pasta/cheese, pork, carrots/celery w/ almond butter & raisins, apple, some milk

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Wed Aug 28, 2013 1:26 pm

A girl angel!

Hang in there, Sinnie! The great thing is that you can always have a successful day after a failure. Keep telling yourself it's worth it to wait for that meal or wait for the weekend. Uncomfortable sometimes, but worth it, worth it, worth it!

Imogen Morley · Post by **Imogen Morley** » Wed Aug 28, 2013 1:26 pm

WOOHOO! Big news!

All babies are delightful, but girls especially - I'd always hoped for a boy for myself, but I was totally smitten when I saw my brother's baby girl.

jw · Post by jw » Wed Aug 28, 2013 3:44 pm

Congratulations, Sinnie! You're giving that little girl baby the best possible start!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Wed Aug 28, 2013 4:07 pm

Congrats!! I have two girls and they are so much fun!

Dont worry about being perfect on NoS. You have so much going on right now. Just keep on re-starting & you will get there!

Linda

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Aug 28, 2013 4:50 pm

Aww you all have put such a smile on my face!!! Thanks for the lovely wishes.

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Wed Aug 28, 2013 10:48 pm

Awesome news......Thank Heaven, for little girls....

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Sep 03, 2013 3:32 pm

Thank you Kittykat!

I've been away for a few days. I was quite depressed starting work up again (high school teacher), but maybe implementing a routine can make this fun. I'm half way through the day, and although the impending work and stress is building (I can feel it), it's going OK. If I can stick to a 3 meal structure, with a snack if I need to, I'll be happy.

I find posting therapeutic sometimes, so keeping up with this may be helpful.

B: 1/2 high protein wrap with pb; nectarine; coffee with evap milk
L: sandwich in same wrap w/ deli meats and cheese; yogurt (plain with bit vanilla and maple syrup just for flavour) and a small piece apple strudel (barely sweetened).
D: Not sure yet...

I woke up at 5 to make sure I could get to work early as I've got a 45 minute commute. I walked the dog against her wishes hehe she wanted to sleep I guess! But it felt great to be up and at 'em in the fresh air. I tried washing and styling my hair at night, and it saved boatloads of time this morning. I may try to keep up that routine. My other goal is to only use everydaysystems.com at lunch (which is only 30 mins). I want to eliminate wasted time at work. This should help bring stress down and help me stay better on top of things. In addition, I think I'll go back to early dinners (plus my lunch is at 11am). Stepdaughter prefers it, DH gets home way too late to wait for him given I wake up at 5am, and then I have the whole night to do as I wish instead of breaking it up with cooking/cleaning etc.

So exhausted...wish the day was done!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Sep 04, 2013 3:31 pm

Well, truth be told I snacked a lot last night. Not out of hunger, or stress per say, but just because going back to work after the summer is very overwhelming with all the changes, and it's my consolation. I didn't even feel regretful doing - I think I allowed myself. It somehow didn't seem wrong. I picked a little after dinner, nothing much, and before bed I had a bowl of cereal, yogurt and few bites of my morning pb & j. I was thinking though, that if I could get through this rough patch which will last a week or two without snacking every day, I'd be so proud.

B: high protein pita with pb & j; pear; half-caf coffee with milk
L: store bought perogies, bit of fish, veggies, container strawberry yogurt, few raisins/walnuts (kinda hard to eat, wasn't hungry).
D: (planned) bread cheese stick, chicken legs, some kind of salad

Imogen Morley · Post by **Imogen Morley** » Wed Sep 04, 2013 7:06 pm

Sinnie wrote:Well, truth be told I snacked a lot last night. I didn't even feel regretful doing - I think I allowed myself. It somehow didn't seem wrong.

I sometimes find myself thinking exactly the same thing, but in my case it's more of "many fit people I know snack on whatever they want, so it's not a big deal". Does it ring a bell?

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Thu Sep 05, 2013 5:44 am

Hang in there Sinnie. Just start anew tomorrow.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Sep 05, 2013 3:25 pm

Thanks, guys. I snacked yesterday too. I was on my prep period at work and got restless, so I snacked on the lunch I didn't finish because I brought way too much. Then, I had chips and 2 chocolates at my moms. I wasn't even hungry for a healthy dinner but had 1.5 chicken legs, some salad and few bites of tortellini. My weight this morning was 133.5 lbs. Seems to be on track for 22 weeks but I don't like the junk I'm eating to get there.

I'm ready for a new day.

B: high protein pita with pb & j, pear, cup milk

L: cheese breadstick with meat & slice provolone, walnuts & raisins, cup milk, container yogurt, small banana

D: 3 fish sticks, some kraft dinner, 4 fries, tomato/cucumber salad

I almost let it derail. I dont even want the stuff, I just don't....care. But after I had a bite of cookie, I just stopped. I did take a cube of grapefruit I was cutting up, too.

Oh, and Imogen, yes, that totallllly rings a bell. It's so hard when I am with skinny people and they are totally calm and cool about eating a few berries, or having a cookie, and I'm like - I want to be normal like that. Bad trap.

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Thu Sep 05, 2013 10:34 pm

Sinnie,
I am back to work in a high school as well. I feel you....exactly! It is hard to describe the pace versus summer break when you first get back in September. It's not that my job is terrible, it is just that I get used to a peaceful inner pace and then it's back to multitasking, traffic, cooking something quick for dinner, lunch that is timed by bells....it's like that old Calgon commercial. I need a big warm tub by the end of the day! I noticed that my 3:00pm snacking monster is back. It was sleeping all summer, but I have been fighting it with beverages. So far, I am staying in the green but am surprised at how different my appetite is now that I am back to work. I read your post about the snacking during prep and I had to let you know that I am a kindred spirit. Hang in there....I will too.
Kat

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Thu Sep 05, 2013 11:28 pm

Oh KittyKat it's so nice to have someone that understands!!! It's hard to explain, I think my husband is like "cry me a river" but it all adds up. I wake up at 5am, rush rush rush, walk the dog, get out and drive for 45 mins. I am truly exhausted once classes are done, I can barely get through my prep (which is why I like to work before classes start). Then like you said, hurry and cook dinner, make 3 different lunches, take care of the dog, clean, chores...it doesn't end does it

I am slooowly getting into a routine!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Sep 06, 2013 2:51 am

I'm a high school teacher, too, and the expectations get worse every year. But I was very stressed when I was teaching International Baccalaureate students and it was one of those years that I committed to No S. Honestly, it helped the stress. But my school has lunch at 12:30 pm. I hate those early lunches! I think an early dinner for now is a good idea.

Judith Beck says "I just don't care" is a common thought that derails weight losers, but it's just the old habit talking. She recommends having some set thoughts to counteract it, such as "It can seem like I don't care, but I really do. I really do want to change this habit, and it works even better when I say NO when it's hard." "It will be hard to hold out for another 15 minutes, but I'll be glad I did. I'm going to look forward to that good feeling and just tolerate the urge. It won't hurt me to wait."

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Sep 06, 2013 3:29 pm

I binged last night with a capital B. I was going to come here and just accept defeat, but oolala your post really made me re-consider taking a hiatus for awhile. It really is just old habits talking. I can't seem to get used to the new schedule. I don't even particularly mind if I don't literally stick to the rules, but binging is just not acceptable to me anymore. I can't do that, it's feels horrible, and it's terrible for your body to be abused like that.

My lunch this semester just happens to be the earliest one. At 11am, I usually am hungry (or at least could eat), but not since starting work. I force myself and once I start it tastes okay but it's still not that pleasurable. I am cutting down my breakfasts and lunch because then I am not hungry for dinner either. Eating early although not desirable at times, works MUCH better with my nightly schedule and allows much more to do get done and more time to relax if needed.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Sep 08, 2013 6:34 am

Sinnie, try hard to remember that the next time the urge to binge comes: you don't want to be that person. Once in awhile, I think, oh, I could buy some cookie dough just for old time's sake. But then the thought comes: what if it starts it all up again? I don't want to be that person. And the most important time to say no is when the urge is there, when it's hard, when I really have to put some effort into it. It's rarely hard now.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sun Sep 08, 2013 7:58 am

Hi Sinnie, hang on, I am rooting for you. A return to teaching is very stressful. It is hard to explain I know. But I am a teacher too, and I am very anxious about going back tomorrow. Your day will be very demanding of you and your eating may become erratic at times. But you are trying so hard to establish good, secure habits. This is one of your greatest challenges I suspect and you will feel so much calmer when your eating settles as I am sure it will do. Your weight is holding steady and is on track. Hold that thought and remember you are not alone. We've got your back. Be kind to yourself - hugs
Tessy

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Sep 09, 2013 12:44 am

Tessy, thank you so much for the words of wisdom. It is really very nice to have the kind people on this board to cheer me on. It always means a lot to hear. I hope your return to teaching goes smoothly.

I am doing okay I guess. I don't really know what I'm doing. It's partial No S, partial just whatever it may be. I'm in a funk I haven't been able to get out of, eating-wise. Trying to get pregnant and being pregnant have really screwed up my food choices. I constantly worry I am not eating nutritious enough, but it doesn't help, it just gives me excuses to eat more/binge and I end up eating junk anyways sometimes. All this against my better judgement. Although, some small victories...last night I went to bed without raiding the fridge, and I woke up feeling MUCH better, and tonight although I don't see a reason NOT to snack, I am not going to. I am finding it easy to just tell myself, "sinnie, not tonight, you don't need to do that.."