Tessytwinkle's check in

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Fri Aug 30, 2013 1:14 am

You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself! I do it a lot and with a lot less reason. Plus macadamia nuts are a great source of protein and there are far worse things you could have snacked on in the world.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down and disappointed but I really, really hope your week away does wonders for you. Definitely do the walking. It's so good for mood as well as body health.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Fri Aug 30, 2013 4:55 am

Oh Tessy-- I'm so sorry! Ugh the dreaded scale!

I have 28 days under my belt so to speak & am only just now starting to feel little changes here & there. My clothes are a tad bit loser, my face looks less puffy ect ... This weight loss is so slow that's it's barely perceptible at first (except for a few lucky ones). Definitely not for this short, middle aged woman but I'm okay with it.

Focus on having sanity with food, exercising gently for health and loving yourself no matter what, because I can tell you're a kind hearted good person & deserve nothing less.

The weight will come off slowly over time but the peace with food happens very quickly so focus on that reward for now. The rest will follow.

*hugs* linda

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Fri Aug 30, 2013 7:00 pm

Me too Tessy. I feel your pain. I won't give up if you don't!
Kat

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Fri Aug 30, 2013 9:28 pm

Thank you Linda and okbyxmas. Your words are very comforting.

Kat - ok here heres the pact. I will not give up and neither will you. Lets try another month. See how I goes? By the end of September we will know more about ourselves and we will be in a different habit space. And some of that elusive weigh loss might have happened I hope you will join me Kat?

Today a WTH failure but I am starting over on Saturday. I am on holiday but determined to do well and get back to vanilla life!

Have a good weekend everyone

weagl860 · Post by **weagl860** » Sat Aug 31, 2013 10:38 am

Have a good weekend! Don't be discouraged about. the weigh in ( easier said than done). You WILL get there, just keep on going.

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Sat Aug 31, 2013 1:28 pm

Tessy,
I agree to our pact. One more month it is.....Hippy Dippy just called us the Sisterhood of the Sane. Love it!
Peace,
Kat

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Sat Aug 31, 2013 1:37 pm

((HUG))!

Your body will respond, I promise! Right now it's your mind that's making all the changes! I know without a doubt the sanity is worth it. I'm with ya....no quitting!!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sun Sep 01, 2013 3:23 pm

Thanks for hugs and all kind words. I am comforted and encouraged. I love the idea of being part of the sisterhood of the sane.
I am now on holiday for week. Peace and reflection and lots of walking. I am going to do noS in the week. But with one S event a day. Which will be a cake or treat with everyone when we get home each afternoon and have a hot drink and a snack/ cake. Otherwise I shall be noS all day. It is a holiday so need a little slack. But think it should be organised not random

September is going to be a good month

jw · Post by jw » Sun Sep 01, 2013 4:21 pm

You gave me such good advice about enjoying my holiday -- now you do the same, Tessy! Enjoy the peaceful walks and the S events and let go of all the stress. This is about taking care of yourself!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Mon Sep 02, 2013 2:26 am

Have a great vacation Tessy! I know you will come back refreshed & ready to start anew!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sat Sep 07, 2013 10:10 pm

Well here I am back from my holiday refreshed and feeling a bit wiser and stronger. While I was away I watched three of the bbc programmes called the men who made us thin (fat). Funny I knew a Lot of this stuff but when you put it all together it is enraging grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I am now so so determined to sort out my life. I feel like I have been sleep walking ( or at least sleep eating!) for the last decade and my health has really suffered. I realised while I was in the wild mountain tops that my health was so important to me. I want to be able to walk, run, dance , laugh and play with my granddaughter. So..... I am starting a 21 day pledge, pure vanilla noS, fencing round the law and no weighting until end of September. By Xmas I will be habituated to this way of being. It will transform my life!! Wow sounds quite evangelical when i read it back but I do really mean it.
Things I realise I have already learned that are helping me - don't get over hungry by going past your dinner time. - you will eat anything
Plan your food for each day the night before - otherwise you spend too much time thinking of food
Have a smaller plate
Never nibble on a noS day even on fruit. Feels ok but is a mistake and always leads to more snacks
Dont make it more complicate than it is. When you are not eating one of your meals forget about food, you've got it covered
Love your food but don't live your food

This community has helped me so much. I value your comments and support and i am learning from each of you. This is the difference and one of the key reasons I know it will work for me

Next week I go back to work very very scary, as that is where I have always eaten badly. But I am going to crack this. I lost my best friend only 8 weeks ago, I am still heartbroken. But I also realise that life is too short to spend it with my head in the biscuit tin.

Sorry for all the rambling. But I hav been up a mountain with no wifi and a lot going on in my head

Will be shorter tomorrow I promise.
Hope you all had good weeks.

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Sun Sep 08, 2013 10:47 am

Tessy,
I am proud of you. What insights and determination! You are sounding like a warrior.

I am with you. Here's to Christmas miracles and healthy lives!!
Kat

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Sun Sep 08, 2013 12:29 pm

21 days...you've got this!!! We are all in this together

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Sun Sep 08, 2013 1:51 pm

You sound refocused. I think your determination is inspiring and I love reading what you have to say!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sun Sep 08, 2013 9:36 pm

Overall a good weekend. Nothing horrendous. In fact rather casting around to see what I can eat! What's that all about?! Went a bit overboard on my home made custard tart, but nothing scary. Weird, maybe my brain is settling.
Mega challenge tomorrow, return to work, the place where it can all unravel. Because of travel to work time I will need to eat at 6.30 am then nothing till 12.30, then nothing till 7.30 pm. In between there will be masses of work as i have a lot to catch up. That is a very big ask for me....... But here goes, got to get work itself in perspective too. How brilliant if that happened

Thanks for giving me warrior image Kat. I need it

good to be travelling with you.
Tobiasmum, thanks for hanging in there with me

Okbyxmas you are right, I feel very focused now. I really want this to work, and not just for me for you as well and all of us
Well we shall see I could disappear under a mountain of inappropriate snacks and sugary treats tomorrow

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Mon Sep 09, 2013 2:48 am

Tessy so glad to see you back & feeling renewed!

I know tomorrow is going to be challenging, but how great will it be to able to feel good about your eating no matter what else is going on in your life?

Best of luck!

Linda:)

clarebear · Post by **clarebear** » Mon Sep 09, 2013 7:13 am

Good luck today Tessy!

You can do it

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Sep 09, 2013 3:22 pm

Hi Tessy! I am thinking about on your first day back at work as I sit here in my own class having lunch

Your comments were very helpful to me. We can do this together, day by day.

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Mon Sep 09, 2013 4:51 pm

Good luck today, Tessy! Be good to yourself and hang in there.

Hippy Dippy · Post by **Hippy Dippy** » Mon Sep 09, 2013 5:30 pm

Miss Tessy:

Good LUCK for today! You will find you are stronger than you think you are!

Hey, Sisters! I'm glad KittyKat liked my "Sisterhood of the Sane" name. We are all here and as the Eurythmics song of the 80's: Sisters are doing it for themselves".

And in response to that unholy of all things: The Scale. Hate it. I broke down and weighed myself this morning and was up 1.4 pounds. Yeesh.

However, I have some observations to share will you all.
1. my arms and legs are perceptably less wobly. A GOOD thing.
2. went to a Bridal expo where there were tons of free treats like cake samples. Had 3 mini-muffin samples and that was it. Too sweet. Too much. Didn't even feel compelled to snack up as much as I could get my hands on. And this is from a self-admitted Sugar junkie--especially with CAKE. This was an unheard of behavior for me two months ago. A VERY GOOD thing.
3. brought home samples--did not eat them--told My Man that it's Monday, i cannot eat them, so he must eat them and tell me what he thinks. (after all, he will be the groom next year and should put some experimenting into it). He agreed. This, too, is a GOOD thing.

4. At dinner last night, My Man made smaller nachos for each of us. And, when I was about 2/3 through, he told me if I was full, or getting there, to go ahead and throw it out. He said it wasn't worth getting stuffed over. I told him I was so happy with him saying that. And I did throw the 1/3 out. This was an EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD thing.
5. The hunger beast is starting to relax. It's not as intense as it once was.

These are not losing pounds things, but these are improvements. We, my Sisters, must be aware of and toot our horns on our improvements.

Oh, and another horrifying thing from the the Bridal Expo: the weight loss-mongers. Oh my! Talk about the horrific: "drink one pink a day" to lose weight and the "perfect protein" diet thing to lose weight for that Special Day. When I read the pamplets I was saddened by the messages these things were putting out to women. Think gawd I saw it for what it was. So, Ladies, be strong!

Hippy Dippy

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Mon Sep 09, 2013 11:21 pm

Oh dear. Terrible day

Started ok, felt I was doing really well then had a very tiring afternoon, I was and am completely exhausted. Had a long teaching meeting came back to my room and was desperate for food - 4 pm always terrible time for me at work as I need snacks bad - well I think I do!!
Anyway, ate everything I could get my hands on got home fell into hot bath with large piece of cake ( the same cake I might add that I had passed on Sunday !! ). Then ate a rubbish assortment of food till fell asleep, like some desperately tired bad puppy

I am now awake in middle of the night feeling yucky and overtired.
Work is going to be such a hard nut for me to crack. It is tiring, demanding and stressful. It is my traditional secret eating haunt and I am kind of scared of it. In the sense that it is the place where I feel both fulfilled and undermined - crazy

So tomorrow is another day. I have another chance to get it right. This is my battle field now and I can only go into it each day determined to be different. I must just imagine how good I will feel if I ever get this sorted

Thank you everyone for your lovely generous comforting post. They help me so much.
Sinnie I hope so much you have had a better day than me.
Hippy dippy, you are a such fun, made me laugh out loud just now even though i woke up in a deep hole, thank you.

Hippy Dippy · Post by **Hippy Dippy** » Tue Sep 10, 2013 12:11 am

Well, Miss Tessy!

So, you fell down.

It's ok...you managed until 4pm, didn't you? That was almost the entire day! This is VERY GOOD!!!

And at 4pm you were hungry--it's going to happen. We've all been there...and there will probably be times when we all will be there again. We are human. Things flow and ebb. Ok, you went crazy. Was it as crazy as you "normally" were? And CAKE, yes, that horribly seductive siren! I totally get that. And you know what? Next time it is a Sunday (an S day), go for it!!! That's what our S days are for. No more guilt!

Let's get back to the 4pm thing. It's good to know that is one the most sensitive times for you. Time to prepare. If you can stash a half-way frozen carten of milk at your desk, it might be just the right temperature for your 4pm hungries...maybe even start with the milk before the hungries start...like a pre-emptive strike. Then, once you've got your bearings, you might be able to wait longer before the milk.

Most importantly, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP. You probably feel bad enough physically, that feeling guilty would just be double jeopardy. So, Hippy Dippy says: You are officially Absolved from Monday's debachery.

Tuesday is a brand new day. Monday is history and remember that Monday was not a total loss--you have improved over where you were just a month ago! And you made it to 4pm!! EXCELLENT!

You CAN do this! So can I! and so can the Sisterhood!!

Hippy Dippy

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Tue Sep 10, 2013 12:37 am

I like Hippy's way of looking at it. You DID make it until 4:00. That's a lot of day there. Stress is the biggest thing that makes us eat and you've been living with a boatload.

Since you know that 4:00 is a bad time for you how about giving yourself permission to have four meals a day with lunch and 4:00 being a bit smaller each? It's an allowable thing in No S canon, you know!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Sep 10, 2013 5:44 am

Wow, I checked my thread before I set out for work today after last nights despair and already two wonderful responses from two wise sisters . Thank you so much.
Hippy dippy. Yes, you are so right. When I stopped to think it over, in the past there is no way I could have started back after such a long gap without eating copiously. I would have 'needed' to eat before I even opened my emails. And would have almost certainly snacked and binged my way through the first day. I Was tired and overwhelmed by the amount of work awaiting me. So I did do well to make it to four clock

Okbyxmas thank you for your precious support. I have been thinking about a 4 pm snack as it is allowed. But I want that as a last resort as I feel it would be hard for me to stop at one snack!!
So I am going to try the milk thing. I have also made a larger than usual breakfast and have a good lunch with me.
Here goes

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Tue Sep 10, 2013 12:42 pm

Thinking about you and hoping you have a wonderful day : )

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Sep 10, 2013 3:20 pm

Some days are just tougher than others and a change in routine can be awfully hard. I am right there with you struggling with it. I found it took me a solid week to get myself right. Best of luck

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Sep 10, 2013 9:44 pm

Hooray

I managed to get through the day without bingeing. I bought a special small carton malted soya milk ( I am allergic to cows milk) and I drank it about 4 pm. Then somehow held on. I am feeling very pleased with myself.
I really believe this support group and all of your kindness and wise words has given me strength and I now hope I can do it again tomorrow. Today was really important to me. To prove I could do it. I will stumble again I am sure but this really feels like progress!!!
Thank you for all your good energy tobiasmum and Sinnie. It meant a lot.
Now for the next day

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Sep 10, 2013 9:54 pm

Excellent! That was so motivating to read! Yes, you can do it tomorrow too, and the day after. And soon after that, it will be your new normal.

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Tue Sep 10, 2013 10:00 pm

Way to go, Tessy! That's the spirit. If you can do it once you can do it again, and again, and again. It is good to see you feeling proud of yourself.
Peace,
Kat

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Tue Sep 10, 2013 11:12 pm

Aaaaahhh!! That's fantastic! I love reading how happy this made you. Congratulations on a successful day!

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Wed Sep 11, 2013 1:36 am

Awesome!! You know it IS possible now! If you can do it once, you can do it!! Of course you will fall sometimes. Part of life! But doing it once....feels sooo good! Proud of you : )

Hippy Dippy · Post by **Hippy Dippy** » Wed Sep 11, 2013 1:16 pm

Way to go, Tessy!

I echo the rest of the Ladies in here!

You got back up and you made it!!!

I am so very happy and proud of you! Those pesky new habits take time, don't they? Well, we will all prevail together!

Here's to a brilliant Wednesday for you!!

Hippy Dippy

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Wed Sep 11, 2013 8:54 pm

Thank you dear fellow travellers for your kind words, nourishment for the soul after a tiring and rather frustrating day. Sadly today is not really a green day as I nibbled some nuts this evening. . Which I am rather annoyed about now. But I'm very proud that at work I did not nibble or binge. So just threw the green reward away really for a handful of nuts ( hmmmm kicking myself now! I won't do that again)

Sometimes I feel I will never reach 21 days as I cannot even get past the starting gate!!
Never mind last two days have gone better that I would ever have hoped so I am feeling good

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Thu Sep 12, 2013 2:33 am

Tessytwinkle wrote:Never mind last two days have gone better that I would ever have hoped so I am feeling good

That's right! Hold on to that and keep moving forward. You're doing fantastically!

Hippy Dippy · Post by **Hippy Dippy** » Thu Sep 12, 2013 7:18 pm

Tessy:

Don't beat yourself up. A couple of nuts or handful of nuts, to me, does not necessary mean a failure. And it certainly is a big success over Monday. So, really, you are ahead of the game. Remember where you came from--no control and bingeing. You are doing well!

I did well yesterday and then in the evening just let go. I had a piece of pumpkin pie with whipped cream and enjoyed it. Also, had 3 Hershey's Kisses, and half a mint-chocolate smore left over from Sunday (don't ask me why after 3 days I'd hit that). Not a great thing. Yes, a RED day for me, but I enjoyed it. I feel no guilt. Today is a good day and I feel good and strong.

If it was me 3 months ago, I'd have gone to the dark side and ate a second piece of pie and then drank way past my glass ceiling. But, that did not happen. I enjoyed--I did not punish. It was nice to feel the difference.

Hang in there, Ladies!
Hippy Dippy

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Thu Sep 12, 2013 9:49 pm

Hippy dippy those Hershey kisses get you every time

good attitude though. I am learning lots from you.
Today was good green day. I am feeling pretty stunned that I am getting through the rest of this week without bingeing or snacking. I find it hard to believe. And I am feeling hungry between meals, really hungry. But I am not panicking. Something is happening to me and It is great

Tomorrow will bring a fresh challenge I have a lot of stressful work to do and I am working from home so I can rest as still tired from my op. I'm all alone, so it's just me, the food cupboard and the snack monster! I am determined to come out on top

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Thu Sep 12, 2013 9:55 pm

Yay Tessy! Great job!!! The hunger will lessen for sure. Just make sure you're eating enough at each meal. Now isnt the time to skimp. You can deal w quantity after the habit is set.

I make sure I have a beverage to look forward to at certain times of the day to get me through. Coffee during the morning, diet coke in the afternoon, wine at night & herbal tea while I'm doing kitchen clean up. Sounds like a lot but I really sip things slowly throughout the day.

Anyway you're doing great esp since this week has been so challenging as you're trying to get back into the swing of things. Keep it up!!

Linda

clarebear · Post by **clarebear** » Fri Sep 13, 2013 7:44 am

Good on you Tessy!! you are doing great, keep it up!

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Fri Sep 13, 2013 12:47 pm

Look at that progress! You are working it, Girl!! Enjoy your S days! Meet ya back here Monday for a week of green

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sat Sep 14, 2013 5:35 am

Terrible Friday. Bad fail. Pick myself up and start again. Aiming for a quiet s weekend.

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Sat Sep 14, 2013 12:43 pm

Quote: "And I am feeling hungry between meals, really hungry. But I am not panicking. Something is happening to me and it is great."

Tessy,
Keep that thought. Something great is happening. You are filled with insight and awareness about your eating habits. And you are steadily changing them.
Peace and a wonderful weekend,
Kat

Hippy Dippy · Post by **Hippy Dippy** » Sat Sep 14, 2013 2:35 pm

Good Morning, Miss Tessy!

Hey, it's the weekend: S days!!!!!
Freedom!!!!

I had between meal snack yesterday (it occurred after a nap). It was an apple and some salty Fritoes. Actually, an interesting combo: sweet and salty. So, that made it a RED day. But it got me to thinking: perhaps I sometimes need 4 meals a day--as some have suggested in here--with two smaller meals: lunch and as the Hobbit's say "second lunch". : )

Some days I'm not so hungry, others are "hollow". It's that whole flow and ebb thing. And that's ok. It isn't anything to feel guilty or failure about. We are learning important things here and we are improving.

At least we can say our lives change from day to day, which is better than saying each day is EXACTLY the same as the last. : )

You're doing well, Tessy! Pat yourself on the back! We all are doing well!!
Let's enjoy the weekend--treat ourselves to good, quality yummies, and look forward to Monday!

Hippy Dippy

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Sat Sep 14, 2013 10:05 pm

Sorry about Friday Tessy! It's hard to resist comfort (food) when you're stressed out.

I hope you have a better weekend.

Hang in there!

Linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sat Sep 14, 2013 10:22 pm

Dear sisters of the sane you definitely keep me sane! Kat you are right I definitely am changing, I can really feel it, just have to keep going. Hippy dippy, yes, I could often do with a "second lunch" I am a bit of a hobbit

but with better feet!,
Linda thank you for your support, I am trying to hang on. Does not help that I have not even had one clean green week yet, let alone 21 days.....
New plan. Stages....
Stage 1 three consecutive days green
Stage 2 one week green
Stage 3 two weeks green
Stage 4 twenty one days green.
I am going to crack this. It holds the key to my future well being, it's three meals a day for goodness sake. How hard can It be!!!

So far the weekend is quiet after the storm of Friday. I think I will start my NoS tomorrow as pigged out on Friday and really do need to feel back in control.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Sat Sep 14, 2013 10:28 pm

Yay Tessy. Your new plan sounds great and I know you can do this!

my meals are so much more enjoyable when I wait that I think that's one of the biggest motivators for me. That's how much I love food!! So please know that sticking to this will truly be rewarding in so many different ways.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sun Sep 15, 2013 7:27 pm

Thanks Linda. I am feeling determined. I think I shall go back to,logging my food in the week, there is something calming about it. Sunday has gone. No structure but not free fall either. Next week is an important challenge for me. First stage. 3 green days in a row. Bring it on

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Sun Sep 15, 2013 11:23 pm

Tessy,
Stage One: you are on it! I know you can do this. Sometimes when I am feeling sorry for myself because I want to snack between lunch and dinner I sing to myself like Kermit The Frog: "it's not easy...being GREEN!"
It lightens things up. It's only food, right?
No sweat. You GoT THIS sister!
Peace,
Kat

jw · Post by jw » Mon Sep 16, 2013 12:03 am

"It's only food" -- words to live by! Good luck this coming week, Tessy!

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:22 am

Oohhh....I like these stages! Awesome! You WILL be successful this week

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 9:08 pm

Success my first green day of stage one. Very hungry this afternoon, wavered a lot. I think one of my worst traits is that somehow my brain can convince me that I can always start again tomorrow!!! Anyway, was wobbling badly so looked up my thread to inspire me and found Kats advice. So started singing the Kermit song " it's not easy.....BEING green" .

it worked!!!

Breakfast - oats, hemp seeds. Demerara sugar soya milk
Lunch - cold gougere, cold roast potato, some cheese, radishes, carrot and an apple
Dinner - scrambled eggs on whole meal toast, 1 plum.

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:06 pm

Gotta love the Frog! Keep up the good work, Tessy. We are all watching and cheering for you!
Kat

(Monday afternoons are the absolute worst time for me too. I could eat my own hand for some reason. Today I was so lucky to be stuck in traffic. By the time I got home it was time to make dinner. Whew!)

Here's Kermit to cheer you up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpiIWMWWVco&sns=em

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 12:22 am

Tessytwinkle wrote:Anyway, was wobbling badly so looked up my thread to inspire me and found Kats advice. So started singing the Kermit song " it's not easy.....BEING green" . it worked!!!

This is wonderful! I think I'm going to try to promise myself that when I'm feeling 'wobbly' too I'm going to sit down with a big glass of water and read threads on the No S boards.

Good on you for staying green, Tess!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 12:32 am

Excellent job! Very proud of both of us

Remember when you start to feel like that, there is no shame in a glass of milk! I used to avoid that, but it turns out it really helps to stop a potential binge.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 4:34 am

Yay Tessy (and Sinnie!). Great job to both of you!

I agree about the milk, or coffee or whatever beverage helps you get through in the beginning. You can always eliminate it later once your habit is more established.

Keep up the good work!

Linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 9:38 pm

Bad day. Failure. I knew work would be the undoing of me. I have 40 years of disordered eating to overcome. It is not going to be easy. My struggle at the moment is also to keep posting when I am failing repeatedly. I do admire people who keep a clear honest account of their failures. But I am finding it so hard that I cannot just eat three meals sensibly. As a grown woman that distresses me and I feel humiliated for repeatedly falling down on this. I only want to get three green days to start with. How hard can it be!!
Very low

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 10:19 pm

Please please don't feel low Tessy. If you only knew how many times I've been there. I can seriously tell you that 99% of the time over the past number of years I've been trying to No S I've never accomplished Vanilla. But that doesn't mean I wasn't successful - I still managed to get and stay at a weight I was happy with. It's just we strive for perfection, some days we get it and others we don't. If I can humbly add, please don't binge tonight, or continue binging, because you ate out of the three meals. The beauty is you can pick yourself up and continue NOT TOMORROW, but the very next meal. It is okay. I know it hurts to fail, but you will get right up tomorrow and do No S again and be successful that day. Keep going, keep going. xoxo

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 11:21 pm

Oh big *hugs* Tessy! I really hate to see you suffer because of this. Really NoS might be challenging at times but overall should be a positive experience. Not sticking to a particular eating plan is no way a reflection on your character but just means its not a good fit for you right now.

I'm not saying you should give up on NoS but I think you need to tailor it to fit to your needs. Consider allowing two snacks & unlimited drinks or whatever else you think will work & be enjoyable for you. I think the best thing about NoS is having a defined beg & end to ones meals. So maybe you could do 4-5 small plates or maybe you need to allow sweets on those plates.

Figure out what you can realistically stick to & try that for 21 days. You can slowly add restrictions when & if you are ready for them.

I love NoS because I'm enjoying eating again for he first time in a long time & as a bonus I seem to be losing weight in the process. Food should be enjoyable & although this process isn't painless it certainly shouldn't be torturous. Just my thoughts & suggestions of course but either way dont beat yourself up over this.

Linda

jw · Post by jw » Wed Sep 18, 2013 12:11 am

Tessy, so sorry this is such a struggle. I second Linda and Sinnie, please don't beat yourself up. No-S is meant to be a support and a gentle structure, not a hurdle. Somehow I feel you're fighting against yourself instead of playing on your own team . . . giving food more power than it should have, when the focus isn't necessarily even food or hunger.

Sometimes it helps to think back on a change you were able to make successfully, relive that step by step, and see what can apply. For example, quitting smoking, getting finances in order, building a career. I was a grownup person absolutely at the mercy of some those things for a while, but no more. And the skills needed to turn our attention away from overeating are carryovers from those experiences: moderation, delayed gratification, planning, building sustainable habits.

You sound like you have many areas of life well sorted, and this one will fall into place if you focus a little less on success-or-failure and a little more on the strengths I know you have. Take care of yourself!

Hippy Dippy · Post by **Hippy Dippy** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 1:22 am

I 2nd and 3rd Sinnie, Linda, and JW. I'm trying to figure out how to do the quote thing. Let's see: well, I'm going old school and cutting an pasting JW: "Tessy, so sorry this is such a struggle. I second Linda and Sinnie, please don't beat yourself up. No-S is meant to be a support and a gentle structure, not a hurdle. Somehow I feel you're fighting against yourself instead of playing on your own team . . . giving food more power than it should have, when the focus isn't necessarily even food or hunger. "

And another thing: I'm not sure you are getting enough fats and protein in your diet. Add some avocadoes or something that meets your vegetarian life-style (at least it kind of looks like you're going veggie). If you feel so hungry between meals, you might need to eat more.

It'll be ok. It takes time to figure this out. I felt really hungry between meals during my first and second month. This month is my 3rd month, and the hunger feelings are abating and I am not piling my plate.

You can do this.

Be gentle with yourself. I really think the 4-5 meals might be your No S for the time being. You've come a long way!! Really!!

Hippy Dippy

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 2:30 pm

I agree that allowing yourself unlimited drinks no matter what they are for a while sounds like a good idea! I am still drinking my diet soda whenever I want. Does that make what I'm doing not Vanilla? Maybe so but it is making a difference in overcoming eating urges. Right now it might be an emotional crutch but giving it up at the same time as giving up snacking seems overwhelming to me. So I'm not worrying about it for now.

I know you can do this. And I have to admit that I find YOUR journey with No S right now the most inspiring BECAUSE you keep getting back on the horse. That's the kind of strength I hope I have in me too. I admire you.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 6:22 pm

Last night I woke in the middle of the night very unhappy about myself. I decided to look up and read some podcasts to try and recommit myself to this journey. At the same time I looked at my thread and you - dear sisters of sanity - had taken time and care to write to me. I am truly humbled by this. Each of you have given me wise, thoughtful advice. I am very grateful thank you

I have tried to incorporate your advice in my next attempt - yes I am still trying

I am going to add in a small snack at about 4 pm. This seems to be my worst time. I am very tired by then and feel very hungry. So I am going to add milk and a piece of fruit. I am checking also that I am eating enough, I think so but I am going to make sure I have enough protein etc. also enough to drink.
I am going to try sooooo hard not to keep spiralling out of control if it all goes wrong, sinnie you inspire me so much

and I am trusting you hippy dippy that my hunger will go eventually. I am going to try and start playing on my own team JW - not sure I have ever done that before!!!
So my aim is still three days of green, I have three days left this week so here goes
Today - green!!!! Yay team tessy! Had an apple and malted milk to keep me going about 4.30.
One day down two to go. - thank you all

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 9:25 pm

Tessytwinkle wrote:I have 40 years of disordered eating to overcome. It is not going to be easy. My struggle at the moment is also to keep posting when I am failing repeatedly. I do admire people who keep a clear honest account of their failures. But I am finding it so hard that I cannot just eat three meals sensibly. As a grown woman that distresses me and I feel humiliated for repeatedly falling down on this. I only want to get three green days to start with. How hard can it be!!
Very low

How hard can it be?....well, EXTREMELY hard. If changing eating habits and losing weight was easy, we wouldn't have the grim stats of diet failures and the billion dollar weight loss industry. You said it yourself, 40 years of habit cannot dramatically change in a few days or weeks. But it can change little by little. And you are changing each day, Tessy, in self-awareness, in honesty,in reaching out to others when you feel low. And hopefully in being as kind and patient with yourself as you are with all of us. Keep going Tessy. This new foundation you are building is brick by brick and will be strong enough to hold you for a lifetime. No turning back now. We have a pact!
Kat

jw · Post by jw » Wed Sep 18, 2013 9:31 pm

"in being as kind and patient with yourself as you are with all of us" --
Hear, hear!

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Thu Sep 19, 2013 11:52 am

We are in this together, Friend! All of us have major food issues

. No-S IS the answer without a doubt in my mind. There's no such thing as perfection, though! One day at a time, one step at a time!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Thu Sep 19, 2013 9:29 pm

Thank you Kat, JW and tobiasmum. Such good support.

Hooray another green day. Two days in a row!! Just one day to go to reach my first goal of 3 days green. I am going to crack it this time

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Thu Sep 19, 2013 9:38 pm

Woo hoo! That's wonderful stuff. Stay strong, Tessy.

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Thu Sep 19, 2013 11:02 pm

Go Team Green!!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Fri Sep 20, 2013 12:30 am

Amazing! Keep it up, your success inspires me to continue with mine

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Fri Sep 20, 2013 4:25 am

Yay--Tessy you got this & it's almost an S day!

clarebear · Post by **clarebear** » Fri Sep 20, 2013 6:19 am

Good luck for your third green day!!
If you feel you are about to go red, just imagine the feeling tomorrow morning when you have reached your goal, that feeling will far out weigh how the silly food will make you feel in that small moment
You can do it!!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sat Sep 21, 2013 5:34 am

Thanks for all your support you lovely people

Well Friday was an odd day. I was doing really well but then I had a final supervision with a student I have been teaching one to one for several years. Her journey has been long and challenging and she has done so well. It was an emotional moment and a delightful time. We were both very happy. I went into town and bought myself a little bag of marshmallows! So technically red. But, I did not then gorge myself on other things, I did not buy 4 bags to keep me 'safe' and I enjoyed every single one. This is what I call ' normal' eating and although I felt like I had blown my three green days in a row. It was worth it! Now to enjoy a lovely weekend. I want to stick to my meal plans but am making a lemon meringue pie for everyone - including me- to enjoy - yum!!!

jw · Post by jw » Sat Sep 21, 2013 12:01 pm

Found this in my facebook newsfeed this morning and thought how appropriate it was to this diet journey, Tessy: "Our reality is entirely shaped by our beliefs...operating for or against us. Trick yourself into a lovely day!"

You broke the letter of the law but kept the spirit with your marshmallows -- and tricked yourself into a lovely red day that didn't throw you off balance. If you can deal with little lapses in that way, you're on your way!

Happy S days!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 12:54 pm

Thanks for noticing my quarterly weigh in report. Oh, yeah, it ain't over at 59!

I don't usually like to emphasize comparing self with others, but it gets easier to be thinner than peers as we age. Being at my weight in high school now would make me heavier than 60% of my 16-year-old peers. (And people were thinner in the early 70's. No wonder I felt fat then!) But at age 60 I'm heavier than only 22% of them. (You might hear this from me other places. I think it's such an interesting fact.)

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 6:50 pm

Thank you Oolala. You truly give me great hope

JW your quote about reality has really lodged in my mind. It is so true, and I am going to make my own reality.
Saturday ate far far too much food. Made enough food for an army then proceeded to eat as much as possible, aaaaargh. But by Sunday I am feeling steadier and more in control. Read Oolalas thread, soooo impressive, made me even more determined to make this work. So I am now starting again - as is usual for me it appears

I am aiming for 3 green days in a row first. I have made lots nice salads for my work lunch, so I am hopeful

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Sep 23, 2013 12:40 am

Make sure you have reasonable portions of dense foods for those salads. And dense veggies, not just lettuce!

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Mon Sep 23, 2013 1:14 pm

Good luck this week, Tessy! I've been thinking of you.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Mon Sep 23, 2013 9:17 pm

Oh dear terrible day. Just ate everything. Seemed powerless to stop myself. I am just starting to think this may not work for me. I am hanging on by my fingertips. But it is very disheartening. I really want to be able to post at least 3 successful days

today right off the rails. Not sure where I go from here. I can't say I have not had enough support, everyone has been brilliant. I can't say it is not important enough, my health is being destroyed by my weight and bad eating. Not sure what else can be put in place. I think I want this so very badly. But I clearly cannot on one level or I would not be so uncontrollable.
Tomorrow new aim - just one green day

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Sep 23, 2013 9:31 pm

What is going through your mind just before you start to overeat? Where do the thoughts of your health go at those times?

Researchers have found that when people are trying to change habits, at moments of crisis, they tend to overestimate the pleasure they get from the habit they are trying to restrict, as well as the trouble it would be to fight the urge, and to underestimate at those times the severity of the consequences. It can be very useful at a calm time to actually consciously imagine and even write out alternate balance. Magnify the health fears, convince yourself the sacrifice is worth it and is actually very small in exchange for the payoff. Minimize how uncomfortable it is to tolerate the anxiety, frustration and unpleasant thoughts and feelings when urges are there. Realize the urges don't communicate any real need, but just an ingrained habit.

Read your thoughts every day for several weeks; they may arise spontaneously at difficult moments or you may have to exert some effort at the time to consciously remember them, but you will have an easier time if you have reviewed them systematically.

Your health is worth this extra step, even if it fails. Don't give up!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Tue Sep 24, 2013 3:19 am

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time Tessy. I think it's got to be really tough having health problems related to your weight. It's putting a lot of pressure on this to work in the sense of giving you tangible results when you really need to be just focusing on the habit building aspect of this right now.

I think in the moment of stress it probably doesn't seem worth it to forgo eating between meals. What's the point if I'm not losing weight anyway? The comfort of eating probably seems much more inviting than sticking to something that " might" work, right? And what does it matter in the grand scheme of things? It's not like I'm letting anyone down anyway, right?

The thing that I realized is that I have to start putting myself first or at least not last. I made myself a commitment and that should mean something to me. I also realize now that feeling in control of my eating is just as rewarding as losing weight & I can focus on that reward which is pretty immediate while I'm waiting for my more long term goal of losing weight.

If you really want to give this a go, I think you have to put your weight loss goals aside temporarily and just get the habits firmly in place. You might just need to take this step by step. Maybe really pile on those plates so you can't possibly be hungry between meals. Allow yourself lots of yummy drinks between meals.

Once the habit is fully engrained it's pretty easy to start manipulating the "what" part of your plates. Then you can minimize the drinks & maybe even start adding a little exercise. You can see how weight loss would be pretty inevitable but I don't think you can skip the steps necessary to get there. This is a process & definitely not a quick fix.

Or you just may not be ready to fully commit. I know when I tried this a few years ago, I wasn't ready. I got frustrated in the snail like pace of my weight-loss and gave up after a couple of months. I needed to try some different things (& unfortunately gained 20 more pounds in the process) before I could completely see the wisdom of NoS.

I wish I could have just stuck with it then but I'm not sure anything anyone said to me at that point could have made any difference. I just needed to know it for myself.

Anyway sorry for the novel & hope I'm not out of line being so up front but really just hoping to help in some small way.

Good luck Tessy whatever you decide & whatever you weigh remember that you do deserve to be happy!

Linda

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue Sep 24, 2013 4:37 am

You know, consistent moderate exercise does as much if not more to reduce the risks of heart disease and diabetes as weight loss. Keep trying to do well with eating, but if you get some walks or something else in a few days a week, you'll be doing a lot for yourself.

Here is an excerpt for an article comparing running and walking for various results.
"And in perhaps the most comforting of the new studies, published last month in Arteriosclerosis, Thrombosis and Vascular Biology and again using numbers from the versatile Runners and Walkers Health Study, runners had far less risk of high blood pressure, unhealthy cholesterol profiles, diabetes and heart disease than their sedentary peers. But the walkers were doing even better. Runners, for instance, reduced their risk of heart disease by about 4.5 percent if they ran an hour a day. Walkers who expended the same amount of energy per day reduced their risk of heart disease by more than 9 percent."

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Sep 24, 2013 9:07 am

Dear Oolala, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for finding the time to write these wise words.

I have thought a lot about what you have suggested and I am ready to try again with a stronger sense of how to succeed!!

I am going to do as you suggest and really try to focus on what I am losing by eating and try to get a more balanced sense of what is at stake. It is so true that when I binge I have lost sight of the bigger picture, in fact I have lost sight of me and as you suggest I am greatly overestimating the value of the food I am about to eat, not just that, somehow I feel compelled to eat badly! But in reality of course I am not. So I am going to try to keep reminding myself of why I do not do this and magnify the health fears - they are pretty fearsome now but somehow I always lose sight of them!!

I am also going to try and get walking more regulalrly. I know that when I have felt best in life I have been walking.

My problem is that I work a 10 hour day, and have two hours overall of travel so it is a long day and my work is very demanding and rather stressful. But it is what it is, I have to cope within those paramenters.

Thank you Linda, as always such stalwart support. I really value your advice, like Ooolala you speak from a knowing place

I have decided to do as you suggest and try and forget about weight if I can for a while and just focus on habit. I am also going to stop having any food in my room, becuase that only means I am alone with it and my ravenous inner beastie! So today I ate breakfast early before I left for work at 6.30am, I have left my food in the car and at 12 I shall go and get it and eat it carefully and appreciatively. I shall then have a walk for 20mins. This afternoon, when everyone breaks for cakes and drinks in my lengthy meeting and I am at my lowest I shall have a carton of milkshake and an apple with me, then I shall eat when I get home at 7.30pm. I have also got the NoS pages open in the corner on my computer so that if I waver I can tap in and find sound advice and caring words to encourage me and hopefully drown out my negative thoughts. I think I have now put everything I can in place for today - I feel like I am learning to ride a bike and I am needing to start with stabilisers

I hope and pray that I can do this. Thank you for caring that I do

jw · Post by jw » Tue Sep 24, 2013 10:10 am

"I am also going to stop having any food in my room . . ."

Yes! This is how you play on your own team! Try this at home as well -- assume that if there are sweets or snacks, you will eat them, simple as that. It's too early in the process to demand restraint of yourself when the food is right there, calling your name. So stop having it around.

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Tue Sep 24, 2013 11:48 am

Your plan for today sounds awesome! Have a wonderful day. You CAN do this

(BIG HUG)

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue Sep 24, 2013 7:25 pm

If you can get 20 minutes in, that's awesome! Even a few 5-minute bouts on other days that look more packed can help.

Your work-commute schedule sounds crazy. Is that 5 days a week? What do you do? You must be very important.

Keep believing: I CAN outlast the urge to overeat. I had a good meal awhile ago. I will have another one if awhile. I can have a cup of tea or coffee or a beverage. I can wait for my meal. It's not TOO hard. It's JUST hard.

Then do your best to divert yourself.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Sep 24, 2013 9:42 pm

Hooray!!!! I did it, one green day

The plans all worked. I stuck to the letter of the law, kept my food in the car, ate carefully and took banana and juice to my long afternoon meeting. Was very hungry on the way home but stuck it out - phew!! The only thing not going to plan was my walk. But I did do 10 mins. Will work on fitting this in better in future.
Sorry to make much of this but it kinda felt like make or break today.....
Now to consolidate a little. I need 3 good days in a row. I will try to keep to my plans. I have also decided to knit my little granddaughter a cardigan for Xmas. So have put it in my bag for tomorrow. If I get desperately hungry I shall tell myself I will be ok, as you say Oolala I can outlast it, and my granddaughter is worth getting healthier for, and then I shall knit like mad till the urges go away - well that's the theory

Thank you everyone who has supported me, don't worry I am determined now. Sorry be such high maintenance!!!!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue Sep 24, 2013 11:58 pm

No apologies needed. If everyone could just do it, no sweat, wouldn't need a forum. I love No S so much, I want to support anyone I can through the process. I'll do a lot to help counter the food madness out there.

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Wed Sep 25, 2013 1:54 am

Congratulations, Tessy! That's wonderful. Even if I'm too sick for food right now I'm still peeking in on everyone here and was hoping to see some good news in your check in. Good luck tomorrow and I love the knitting idea. My mum just gave me some needles and I'm considering taking it up myself.

jw · Post by jw » Wed Sep 25, 2013 11:21 am

Excellent, Tessy!

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Wed Sep 25, 2013 11:32 am

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Sep 25, 2013 12:12 pm

You are awesome

I totally understand the feeling of feeling like you've just won a medal. I struggle BIG TIME too, and having one good day under your belt is amazing and boosts confidence. If we keep trying, I have NO DOUBT we will get it.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Wed Sep 25, 2013 3:23 pm

Yay Ms. Tessy!!! And never worry that your high maintenance.

We all relate to what your going through in one way or another. I just really appreciate your honesty and your openness to all our suggestions.

Linda

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Thu Sep 26, 2013 9:16 pm

Tessy,
I am sorry for your struggles this week. I stepped away from the posts and feel terrible that I was not around for you. I hope you are on the mend and feeling more peaceful and confident as I write this.
Willing you on in every way possible....
Kat

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 5:02 am

Dear Kat. Thank you for caring. I am following your posts and still with you commitment wise. Thank you everyone for such brilliant brilliant support, I only wish I felt worth it!!!
I have had two terrible days and have not felt able to post. I feel very low every night when I post as I keep failing. To feel like this after a very long hard day at work is not helpful. So I am going to keep trying NoS but not necessarily post every day. It is just too miserable. But I shall keep going. I know this is the right programme for me. I just need to keep trying. After all I did not just stop smoking. I kept trying until I no longer fell off the wagon and now I would not dream of smoking. I just think I am very low at the moment and very tired.
I shall see how I go next week and will try and post regularly. I need some good days under my belt. The concept of being accountable is a good one. But if you cannot even manage two days in a row it is a rather negative and disheartening one, even with such wonderful support. Anyway, I need to try and forget about failing for a bit now or I will be too depressed. Just start again today

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 2:00 pm

Everyone is different, right? And you have it right when you compare it to quitting smoking. You kept at it until you built the habit and now you don't do it. Looking at this in the same way is very healthy and realistic.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 2:54 pm

Are you using habitcal? Theoretically, that's all the accounting you need. Don't know if it would be easier to have to record reds than to write "fail."

It's actually good to get really clear how miserable you feel after overeating. But if it's from shame and self-disgust, that isn't actually solved by "being good." It's a bit of a convoluted issue. See if it might help at times of temptation to tell yourself that you really want to avoid that cruddy feeling later. Remember it then vividly, like you would after eating a bad clam. You don't hate yourself for eating the clam, but you just don't want to push it by eating another one soon.

Get from meal to meal! Even if it's just for this one N day.

jw · Post by jw » Fri Sep 27, 2013 4:35 pm

Tessy, if the pressure of posting is weighing on you, here's a No S Diet blog by Blueskighs. It's so thoughtful and inspiring, and there's no pressure to respond -- she hasn't updated since 2009, though I think she drops in on the boards now and then. She's a No-S alumna we can all learn from!

www.nosdiet.blogspot.com

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 5:30 pm

Thank you thank you JW. I have just read all the blog, mostly in tears. What a magical woman. . I really want this now. I realised today how many times I have had to start over in life. My health has been bad and I am often in pain. I have lost precious irreplaceable people, including my baby son, and I have struggled at times to survive. But. I have never given up on anything ( except on my eating). So I need to capture my strength and desire to change and get healthier for myself and my children. As the blog says I need to take the time and make the commitment to build a period of solid green N days. This has to be the year to do it. I am 60 next spring. I am going to turn this ship around!! No more false starts....... My noS life begins now

So watch this space

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 10:31 pm

Tessy,
I just read some of that blog too. It was wonderfully inspiring and makes me feel so much better about freely enjoying my S days. I would like to trust myself as she does. Focusing on GREEN days alone, I know, has always been the direction from Vanilla NoSers, but I haven't been able to trust myself completely to it. But I want to now. I want to simply do NoS as written and not think any more about it. No guilt or fear of weight gain or despairing about my present size. It works for so many people. Why on earth wouldn't it work for me? Or you? We will never know until we really do it. Have a great weekend my friend, Tessytwinkle.
And I am watching this space. Don't you dare go away!
Kat

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Fri Sep 27, 2013 11:10 pm

Kat. Those are my thoughts entirely. Don't over think, totally commit to green, keep it simple. I'm not going anywhere and we will do this and it will work for us

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sat Sep 28, 2013 9:23 pm

A very settled Saturday. My best S day since starting. Had a snack or two. Chose some nice Japanese crackers, eaten several not the whole packet! Made a nice cake had one slice. I'm cool!!

Everyday Systems

Tessytwinkle's check in

Hey

Hey

Hey

Hey

Hey

Hey

Tessy can do it!!

Thank you so so much

Hey

Hey

Hey