Tessytwinkle's check in

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Sep 29, 2013 5:37 am

Awesome!

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Sun Sep 29, 2013 11:46 am

Wonderful!! Here's to another sane yet enjoyable S day!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sun Sep 29, 2013 10:00 pm

Sunday steady and sane. Nibbled a lot but feel ok about it, nothing bad just bits of fruit, had a piece of cake. Ate well. All seemed fine. Somehow I was not beset by angst and not stuffing myself. Tomorrow is so important for me. I nearly left this forum last week as I felt so low. But I have recommitted I am very determined. I have written out my food for the week. Seems a bit excessive but my old habits are hard to break and I need rules, boundaries and also most importantly to free myself from thinking about food. Which I have realised I am always doing. The menu looks great, chosen delicious food each day. Now I shall go to my list. Get what's on it. Eat it. Well that's the theory and I am going to do it!! It must be Vanilla NoS. No mods, tweaks or sidesteps! Up till now I have been doing noS with my head in the cake tin. That has a GOT to STOP

bring it on

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Mon Sep 30, 2013 12:01 am

Tessy,
You are determined and organized and CALM!! I love it. Lets have a GREEN-as-GRASS week. Vanilla is the way to go.
Peace!
Kat

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Mon Sep 30, 2013 1:10 am

So glad your Sunday went well also Tessy!

Best of luck next week!

Linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Mon Sep 30, 2013 8:11 pm

Well I have failed today

I had the hardest day at work I can remember for a very long time. I was under pressure and behind all day long. I was due to start teaching and was not prepared because I had planned to make lots of changes when I was on stick leave. But actually was too poorly. So had not had a good chance to get ready. It was so nerve wracking. I had some packets of sweets in my room that I had ordered a while ago. I Ate them all. Not just one packet but many many packets. I feel so ashamed and as usual defeated by myself

Not quite sure where I go from here. I have looked back over the month. I have got about one third green days of the days that could be green. It feels like I am losing this battle. Sugar is always my downfall. It feels like a drug to me. I do not seem to be able to eat it in moderation. Where do I go from here? Well I suppose tomorrow is the start of October, I want to be in the green team. So must pick myself up and try again. Maybe this is not possible for me. I do not know. But I am not ready to give up yet. New plan no sugar of any kind. Even on my porridge

wosnes · Post by **wosnes** » Mon Sep 30, 2013 8:34 pm

Why would you give up? Have you given up your profession because you have bad days? Have you given up any other position or role in your life because you have bad days? And I'll bet you don't define yourself by the bad days in anything else.

You just keep plugging along, one foot in front of the other, day after day. You are going to have good days, bad days and downright awful days. That's just the way it is. Just keep on keepin' on.

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Mon Sep 30, 2013 9:33 pm

Well said Wosnes!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Mon Sep 30, 2013 9:34 pm

*hugs*

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Mon Sep 30, 2013 9:53 pm

Tessy, I know words don't offer much consolation right now. You probably feel everyone is being so nice and that you somehow don't deserve it (or is that just me when I've screwed up?). Listen to Wosnes, her advice is spot on.

If you would please believe me when I say that I have always "failed" most of my days (which turned into years) on No S. BUT, I still found myself losing weight and do very well. If you could stop yourself from continuing to gorge on things tonight, you are probably much farther ahead than your days prior to No S. I messed up today too, in the literal sense, but it sure as heck isn't gonna defeat me. I am just deciding to not have anymore because I want to be hungry for breakfast. As oolala has been saying, if we base our decisions on how we feel rather than just weight or whatever, it seems to work better.

From one teacher to another, I completely understand the stress involved in the job. I feel it regularly. Be gentle with yourself. You can pick up right where you left off. Don't start tomorrow. Start now!

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Tue Oct 01, 2013 1:52 am

I'm so so sorry that work is such a stressor right now. And we are conditioned to see food as a comfort or reward for feeling awful. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to put a bad day behind me or geared up to face something difficult with a sugary binge.

I like the point that Sinnie made. Even when we have slips we're still eating differently between them and the 'failures' are more balanced out by that.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Oct 01, 2013 3:19 am

Dear supportive fellow travellers, you are helping me like I have never been helped before. There is something so moving to me about your care and thoughtfulness. It encourages me and sustains me so much. Thank you.

Thank you Wosnes, you are right about not giving up. I never usually do. Only with food. But now is my time to change that.

wosnes wrote: You just keep plugging along, one foot in front of the other, day after day. You are going to have good days, bad days and downright awful days. That's just the way it is. Just keep on keepin' on.

Yes I will keep plugging away. Yesterday was my awful day Today will be a new day

A good day

first day of October. I am aiming for a green day, then a green week, then, a green month!!!!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Wed Oct 02, 2013 4:25 am

failure. Can't get past 4 o'clock. I will have to introduce a snack. As I need to get some wins under my belt. If I can settle with 3 plates and a snack with drink at 4 pm. Then maybe I can take the snack out at some point. At the moment I cannot even get a green day happening at all. My work is very stressful at the moment. I just can't manage and this is making me feel very undermined and unhappy. Which is not helpful when I feel that way at work too. So at 4 pm will have two Japanese sesame crackers and a milky drink. See how that goes.

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Oct 02, 2013 12:07 pm

Yes, yes, yes. You got it Tessy. Make the right modifications for YOURSELF. Vanilla isn't working. That is OKAY my friend! Nothing wrong with a snack and drink. If the drink alone doesn't work, include a 4th mini meal.

Keep going! There is nothing magical about 3 meals. 4 meals can do just as good.

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Wed Oct 02, 2013 12:18 pm

You know your body...and two crackers with a milky drink is A LOT better than an all-out binge!! As long as you stick to what YOU plan, that is a success!!

You've got this

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Wed Oct 02, 2013 1:40 pm

Yup. Four meals IS VANILLA No S. Reinhard says it himself, lady! There is nothing wrong with that four o'clock second lunch!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Wed Oct 02, 2013 8:04 pm

Phew!!! At last a green day

I feel ridiculously pleased with myself. I thought I might never get back on course for a while. Ok now to aim for 3 green days in a row. I can do this. I want to do this

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Wed Oct 02, 2013 8:36 pm

Yay--Tessy!!

jw · Post by jw » Wed Oct 02, 2013 9:17 pm

two green days coming up and an S day on the horizon!

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Wed Oct 02, 2013 10:23 pm

Awesome, awesome, awesome!!!
I am so pleased for you. Big smile on my face
Kat

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Thu Oct 03, 2013 2:01 pm

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Thu Oct 03, 2013 9:43 pm

Ok two greens in a row, now we're talking. Third day here I come

Ate far too much at each plate but never mind no snacking and no sugar of any kind. I've gotta get my third green day then relax over the weekend. Ready to aim for a whole week next week. I am so scared I will fail tomorrow. I am on my own at home. Never a good thing. Just me and the food........

fingers crossed.

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Thu Oct 03, 2013 10:04 pm

Woot Tessy! Don't give your plates a second thought. You were green and that's awesome!

jw · Post by jw » Thu Oct 03, 2013 10:58 pm

No such thing as too much as long as it fits on the plate!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 12:50 am

Yay--Tessy! I think it's really important to pile those plates at first. I know I did but now I'm more relaxed about everything and my portions are quite reasonable. All part of the process.

Great job & good luck tomorrow!

Linda

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 2:21 am

Hi Tessy,
Thanks for sharing your journey. I love your honesty, and you are so dang charming you have a whole army of followers.

Keep on keepin' on, Sister (hood of the Sane)!

clarebear · Post by **clarebear** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 7:29 am

Don't be scared that you will fail, be excited that you will be green!!

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 11:09 am

You are a STUD! Keep going.

The weekend is only hours away!
Kat

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 9:42 pm

Hooray, I've done it

three green days in a row. Felt so calm today! On my own at home. Did not call in at supermarket to buy myself a treat, did not nibble, snack or binge. Did not hunger and crave. Just got through, even left some dinner on my plate!!! Who is this woman!!
Plus, did 14 mins on exercise bike. First time since my op 3 months ago.
I feel so elated, it's a bit barmy really

Now for a nice weekend, maybe Kats divine carrot cake but nothing desperate just delightful I hope. Next week I need to aim for 5 green days! Scary but now somehow possible again - phew. Couldn't have done it without all the brilliant support, thank you, thank you, thank you

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 10:54 pm

That's so wonderful! I'm so happy for you, Tessy!

Now you can relax and enjoy your S days with a clear and happy conscience. Be good to yourself.

jw · Post by jw » Sat Oct 05, 2013 1:59 am

Well done! enjoy your S days!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Sat Oct 05, 2013 6:18 am

Thrilled for you Tessy!!

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Sat Oct 05, 2013 12:06 pm

Whoo -hoo!! Well done. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!.....I knew that woman was in there! Huge hug and high-five, Tessy, my girl!
Enjoy your carrot cake. I am just about to frost mine.
Cheers!
Kat

LoriLifts · Post by **LoriLifts** » Sat Oct 05, 2013 11:15 pm

Congrats Tessytwinkle!
You are a strong woman and you rock!!!!

LoriLifts · Post by **LoriLifts** » Sat Oct 05, 2013 11:15 pm

Congrats Tessytwinkle!
You are a strong woman and you rock!!!!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:09 am

Well that was the weekend. Not best pleased with it but I have identified a trend. One of my old bad habits was to eat furiously just before I went on any diet. As I knew that would be the last time I could have sweets, carbs, cake whatever..... This is still happening with me on a Sunday evening. I am ok till then and then go haywire in anticipation of Monday. But that's ok. I trust the sytem. I know what I have to do, thanks to all our shared collective wisdom, I must get my noS days right and my S days will fall in to place. Habit, habit, habit, habit

so here goes. I have to tread one step at a time. So I am now aiming for a clean green week to add to my three days last week

bring it on

WIDRT ( thanks Lori for sharing this idea) I made a lovely carrot cake ( thanks Kat

) I enjoyed every piece. I have frozen the rest for another weekend

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:52 am

Yep yep Tessy S days are finally starting to calm down for me. I really didn't think it would happen without some alternate plan but alas this weekend was very moderate so I'm starting to see it will be alright.

Best of luck next week. You have 3 green ones under your belt so just keep going and you'll eventually be where you want to be.

Linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 3:19 am

Red. failed today. Could not get past 4.30. Have read again the WTH podcast. Will try again

have been feeling like I may never really crack this. But just gotta keep trying.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 3:39 am

Hang in there Tessy. Mondays are always a little tricky. Back in the saddle & all that...

Linda

jw · Post by jw » Tue Oct 08, 2013 10:59 am

Two steps forward, one step back is frustrating, but it's still progress, Tessy. Today, it's a step forward!

Hippy Dippy · Post by **Hippy Dippy** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 2:24 pm

Hey Miss Tessy!

Hippy Dippy is back from the abyss (visiting the parents--it went alright--not as horrendous as I had feared). Anyhoo, read your logs to catch up. Really loved what Wosnes typed back last week about would you give up your job because of a bad day? There's ups and downs and it's what we learn, what we do to make changes, even small ones, that eventually lead to positives for us and our lives.

Also, wanted to tell you about your epiphany from Sunday about bingeing before Monday's more strict routine starts. That is what is known as "The Last Supper". Many dieters, like me at one time (well, many times) would binge the night before on all the foods that would be exempt on the newest, latest, greatest diet to end all diets that we were starting the next day. Yep, Tessy, you are NORMAL!

Just look at this all as one grand experiment. Tweak this, see what the results are. You ate fuller plates and did not have quite the hungries. I see where you weren't happy with yourself on the amount on the plates. Please, as others have typed, be gentle with yourself.

Also, in keeping with being gentle with yourself, we are each individuals and the wonderful thing with Reinhardt's diet, is that it isn't written in stone. Vanilla No S is the starting point, and then we each modify it to work with our own individual needs. There are some folks out there who naturally do not each breakfast. And their health is overall fine. Then there are those folks out there who need 4 meals a day...or more. This tweaking process is part of the journey. And, we've been so blinded by the diet mantras of "You Must Follow This To the T OR You Will Fail" that we feel ashamed and feel like failures if we deviate an iota from this "diet".

Hang in there! You are making positive changes. Hey--my "vacation" with the folks was to be for 9 days---and, well, last week I turned it into another "vacation" week. I didn't go crazy, just wasn't ready to track my days. And that is alright. Monday I started back on the routine. And I am comfortable with it and actually looked forward to it. And, no, I didn't really gain over those 2 weeks. And I didn't burn in hell for it either.

Someone wise once said you cannot change the past, and the future isn't here yet, but you've got today, this moment, and that you have control over it. Be in this moment. Enjoy it. And, buy yourself a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Take one into work for your desk to remind you that you are improving, that you are a work of art and that you are beautiful in deed as well as in person.

Alright, Sisters! Time to remind ourselves how beautiful and wonderful we are and start giving ourselves gifts: flowers, pedicures, manicures, that book on that subject you've always wanted to know about, that candle. Whatever it is that isn't food that you can treat yourself to. We are so Totally Worth it!

Hippy Dippy (back with a vengeance!)

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 10:02 pm

Ok, I failed again

I cannot get past the afternoon, I get soooo tired and suddenly cannot cope with it all, work, stress, my health, my fears etc etc. not good, not healthy and very undermining as I then seem to no longer care about myself and just eat!! Then of course hate myself for doing so. Grrrrrrrr why is this soooooo hard! Ok, here's the plan, hot broth at 4 ish, see if that will work. Also really want to join the ranks of the sometimes green folk, even if there is some way to go to the nearly always green heaven

I'm ashamed of myself at the moment, it's a very public forum, instead of my usual private secret disgust!! but that is not a bad thing if it helps me change. So it must do that ...
Thank you Linda and JW. I really value your support so much. Hippy dippy, soooo glad you are back, been waiting for you to turn up so I can go back to being green

jw · Post by jw » Tue Oct 08, 2013 11:01 pm

So sorry, Tessy -- be kinder to yourself, go with a drink late in the afternoon -- it's allowed, why not try it? And think of WIDRT!

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 11:01 pm

Hi Tessy,
The books I have been reading talk about how we can never fully eradicate an old habit (in this case, eating junk food in the afternoon), so we must replace it with a healthier habit. Even when we successfully replace the habit, stress will send us right for the old habit. So......i am going to throw out some ideas here that may or may not be helpful.
1. Get out of your classroom at 3:45. Your classroom is a dangerous place in the afternoons!! Come to work earlier if they'll let you make such arrangements.
2. Purge your desk of all junk food and don't take any money with you to work. Leave your credit cards at home so you can't stop to buy anything.
3. have a 4 o'clock non-food treat: manicure, back rub, coffee with a friend, library visit, etc. Although this makes the "carry no money' part trickier, but I'm just brainstorming here.
4. Have an "at-work" confidant, if there is someone you can trust. This person can help you keep your desk empty of junk.
5. Listen to all these forum posters tell you to be gentle with yourself...... statistically, the more we beat ourselves up, the more likely we are to binge again (crazy, but true).
6. Eat at 3:30 (I think waiting until 4, when your willpower is at its absolute lowest, might make it too hard).

Anyway, I'll keep brainstorming. I know you will too!

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Wed Oct 09, 2013 12:37 am

automatedeating, those are fantastic suggestions. Tessy, I really relate to the feelings of stress and at some point they become so overwhelming and it truly feels calmer after you eat. I guess the feeling doesn't last though when you realize how crappy it makes you feel and maybe spoils your dinner appetite. I don't know what your schedule is like, but maybe you could push dinner up sooner? Around here, we eat dinner very very early (on week days). I make it as soon as I get home, we could perhaps eat as early as 4pm some days. For me, that is fine since my goal is to be in bed by 9pm (tv time, relax, whatever). So 5 hours between dinner and bed is totally do-able, and I find the night goes by so fast just getting things done. It sounds weird but it works for me. If I had to wait until 7pm or something, I really don't think I could do it. On weekends, it's no problem. Something about coming home from work and knowing I can eat straight away takes the desire away.

Keep trying, it will eventually come together, you'll see. xoxox

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Wed Oct 09, 2013 3:34 am

Tessy I just thought of one more idea that I got from the author Barbara Sher. When a goal seems overwhelming she recommends taking baby steps.

Not normal baby steps but silly small steps that feel completely doable. So let's say somebody dreamt of writing a novel but the whole thing seemed so daunting they could never get started. Well that person would start with a goal that seemed laughably easy like "write one sentence a day". They would do that for 30 days and then take another tiny step forward and so on.

So with NoS you might start with something like 6 plates a day plus unlimited drinks, then after 21 days you might feel ready for 5 plates etc. The point is to meet yourself where you are and set yourself up for success so you can build on that. This is better than trying to jump off from where you think you should be (but arent) and running into a brick wall over & over.

Just something I've been thinking about in regards to my exercise goals ( maybe I can start with 1 minute a day!) and thought I'd share in case you might find it helpful.

Linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Wed Oct 09, 2013 5:31 am

Thank you, thank you dear sisters of the sane

you are awesome and so generous with your support.
JW, WIDRYesterday, I posted on this thread even though I felt really bad! Thanks for reminding me of Lori's valuable positive strategy

Automated eating, wow! This is sooooo helpful to me. Thank you. Some I can't do but I am going to empty my room of food, leave my purse in the car ( it's parked miles away) do something nice around 4pm and be gentler with myself ( as you have all recommended) . Thank you.
Sinnie, sadly I cannot get home to eat till seven, and I think this is a major issue for me. Because I start at 8am and by 4 pm I am very tired, up till then I am doing really well. So I shall try the strategies above for a few days but if I cannot make any headway then I shall do as you suggest Linda and change my plates, baby steps is really helpful. Thank you.
So off I go this morning, with a spring in my step, and some wise advice and positive strategies in my mind - it's gotta work surely

jw · Post by jw » Wed Oct 09, 2013 12:52 pm

Automated has created a really thoughtful list of strategies, Tessy -- what I kept thinking as I read it was, some of these are strategies that you used successfully to get through the day within the last month or so. But I don't know if you ever used them again. That's where WIDR comes in -- if you record what steps lead to your success, then you can go back and read it again when things feel shaky and maybe put the same strategies to work for you again. Just a thought . . .

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Wed Oct 09, 2013 10:30 pm

Hey Tessy,
I am like Sinnie, I make dinner very soon after getting home. Bed at 9:30pm up at 5:00am. My point is, I would never be able to make it from lunch to 7pm dinner. OMG. No wonder you are frustrated!... I make it a practice to have a satisfying drink (coffee with milk, tea with honey, or hot milk with cocoa powder) between 2:30pm and 4:00pm(at work, before I go home or immediately when I get home.) If I got home at 4:00 pm and didnt have that liquid sustenance, the snack dragon would absolutely torture me. I remember you recently posted that you were going to have a small meal around 4:00 pm to control the binge urge. And I think I remember it worked for you when you tried it. Can you try it again? If the hot broth is not enough? Maybe add a few of those Japanese crackers or a handful of almonds. Only until you no longer need this extra meal. I think it is well worth it to avoid the overeating-WTH effect when you feel you have already failed.
Wishing you peace and success,
Kat

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Thu Oct 10, 2013 8:47 am

Hooray, hooray , hooray, a green day!! But more importantly a much better managed day. You are all right, I did this before I should do it again. It is my extreme tiredness and stress at work that drives out my sensible brain and only leaves the snacking monster:lol: So I have sat my self down and made a plan. My main problems are, too tired ( I need to try and sneak some rests in the day), too much work ( try not to aim for perfection, aim instead for doing enough but trusting that other things can wait), too much stress ( this is a very stressful time for everyone in my profession and I just have to ride it out, it will ease). So here is my plan for work days for the next week to see if they work:
I leave for work at 7am, before this I will have a grape juice and hot water. Then I have found a way of making porridge at work!! So I am aiming to go for a little walk and then make porridge before I start ( radical change for me!). Then that means I can have lunch a little later - making sure I have taken enough food ( something I can have hot if possible). Then 4 pm is not too late for me and I am not so ravenous even if tired. At 4ish have a malted milk and a little walk or secret snooze

Home for dinner at 7.30.
Yesterday this worked! I am a woman who needs a plan, and thanks to you all I am now a woman who has got one. So watch this space I am going to crack this! Could not have done this without the everyone's help, I am feeling very grateful and blessed to have received so much kind and thoughtful support.

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Thu Oct 10, 2013 10:17 am

Good luck Tessy! And congrats on the green day!

Hippy Dippy · Post by **Hippy Dippy** » Thu Oct 10, 2013 3:54 pm

Congrats, Tessy!! Tessy went Green!!

Lot's of incredible advice on here from everyone!

And, the tiredness is very hard to combat. Are you getting enough sleep? Maybe add a multi-vitamin? Extra B-complex might be helpful. Yes, I am at my weakest when I am tired, sleepy. And I do get sleepy, as in my eyes literally shut while I am at the computer and I'm off to weird dreamland. Sounds freaky, doesn't it? I've lucked out and haven't had a bout like that in a while. I do try to get up and walk when I start to feel sleepy--but honestly, I'll come back from the walk and still feel sleepy. Premenopause--I think. Eh.

So, totally feel you on the tiredness. Yep, going until 7:30 before dinner is a hard task in deed!! I couldn't do it without some game-planning and it sounds like you've come up with a solution. Yay!!!

PS I was Green Monday, Red Tuesday, and Red Wednesday. We all have our less-than-fabulous times.

I try to deal with it with humor rather than guilt.

Hope you have another Green day!!!

Hippy Dippy

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Thu Oct 10, 2013 5:36 pm

Thanks Hippy dippy and okbyxmas.

Today another green day. Two in a row. I am now holding out for three days. I feel very strong at the moment. It helped I was working at home today. Tomorrow lots of work on and I am alone with the cake tin at home. That was my undoing last week. But I am very determined. I want to be a reformed girlie by Xmas

. My goals, 3 days green, 1 week green, 2 weeks green, 21 days green yippee!! Wouldn't that be just brilliant.
WIDRT - made a lovely lunch, Japanese pancake with bean sprouts, okonomiyaki, yum, kept me going all afternoon

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Fri Oct 11, 2013 3:15 pm

there is no point in posting tonight, I have already failed badly. I had a great morning, felt full of life and energy, was cooking and working. But then fell into a black hole of grief, I miss my best friend so much , he has only been dead a couple of months, I am struggling to lift myself up about it. Have binged all afternoon. Food comforts me, it is short term and bad for me, but it does comfort me for a while, the rest of the time I just have a black hole of pain inside me at the moment, and that is why I am struggling so.
Sorry I cant be upbeat about it, but no worries, I must surely get to grips with everything soon.
WIDRT - recognized I am in a very bad place and need to take care of myself

jw · Post by jw » Fri Oct 11, 2013 4:40 pm

Tessy, I was wondering about that. You posted early on that you had gone through a bereavement. In my experience, it will get easier but it takes a long while -- and that doesn't really help right now. You just have to feel the feelings

My heartfelt sympathies, Tessy dear.

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Fri Oct 11, 2013 7:36 pm

Honestly doing this without any kind of 'real life' issues is difficult enough. I have stuff going on, we all do, but you are trying to work through some really difficult things and trying to change deeply ingrained habits at the same time. Looking at it that way makes the green days even more commendable and the red days more understandable.

Grief is a big one. You talk about feeling weak in this thread but (as I've said before) the way that you always pick yourself up and dust yourself off and grit your teeth while looking ahead is amazing. I'm glad you don't just disappear when things get difficult; you hang in there with us and let us know how you're feeling and how you're trying to work through the difficulty. I have learned from your trying times and remember your thoughts when I have my own.

One of the things I love about this forum is that helping each other allows us to help ourselves as well.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Fri Oct 11, 2013 8:04 pm

Well said okbyxmas.

I am so sorry you had to lose someone close to you Tessy. It is so incredibly painful. I think, in the moment of your pain, sticking to some eating plan must seem pretty insignificant in light of what you're dealing with. In a way it is pretty insignificant so it's understandable that you cave.

Maybe you just need to take a little break, because my concern is now you're having to deal with guilt on top off the grief which you just don't need right now. This is suppose to challenging but not tortuous.

On the other hand, you recognize that you need to take care of yourself and I believe NoS is taking care of yourself totally & completely on the most basic level. This is the recommended way to feed children after all. Give them the structure of meals and provide them with all they need at those meals (probably a snack for kids thrown in there).

I just worry that you're not really treating yourself to delicious & plentiful foods at those meals. It feels like you might be in old school diet mode on your green days and that might backfire on you. Treat yourself well within the structure you decide upon. If you do a snack at 4 to get yourself through to your late dinner why not make it just another plate of whatever you want. Hot broth doesn't sound very exciting--I'd want to binge too!

You can always take stuff away later but the point is it's much easier once you have everything contained (plates) and you have a habit in place to work from. Remember how you encouraged me to add my mochas so I could stick to this? Well I encourage you to tailor this plan to fit your current needs. This should work for you, not the other way around.

Big *hugs* Tessy. It took me 10 years after losing my Dad to even be able to talk about him without crying. Be patient & kind with yourself.

Linda

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Sat Oct 12, 2013 12:45 pm

Tessy,
I am so sorry for your loss and grief. I was widowed in 2003 and know all too well the swings of sadness and vulnerability. We are all here to give you whatever you need.
Much love,
Kat

Hippy Dippy · Post by **Hippy Dippy** » Sat Oct 12, 2013 2:20 pm

Tessy:

I echo the sentiment in here on the loss of your dear friend. Grief is not an easy process. We lost our dog, Tanner this past Memorial Day weekend. He was such a sweet, happy dog. And he got sick and died on his own within 5 days. We thought we had at least 4 more years with him. And even now, months later, we still have bouts of sadness, bouts of thinking: Oh, we need to get home and let Tanner out. Or we think: Tanner will be so happy when we get home. We are wanting to plant a tree at the house in his memory. Maybe that is something positive you can do to honor the memory of your friend and the relationship you had?

We also have a shelf with pictures of our beloved dog with his ashes. That might seem a bit much or morbid, but I find comfort to be able to walk up and say "Good Morning, Tanner!" or have some kind of short conversation with him.

I guess my suggestion is to come up with something that would honor your friend/friendship and that also honors your grief and feelings of loss. Maybe keep a journal on your feelings. Put them down on paper. Talk to someone. We are here, too.

Loss just plain sucks. Hang in there. You are not alone. We may not feel exactly like you are at this moment, but we understand.

Hippy Dippy

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Sat Oct 12, 2013 11:09 pm

((BIG HUG))

Sinnie · Post by **Sinnie** » Sun Oct 13, 2013 1:09 am

Thinking about you Tessy, and sending thoughts your way that you are not alone. When we deal with such major things, it is true that what we eat seems trivial and irrelevant. But, in the same breath, time is going to pass regardless, and when the cloud slowly lifts, we don't need the extra worry at that point of our health and self esteem. Keep doing your best, and perhaps routine does help to bring a small amount of something reliable each day. Reinhard says that during times of stress, No S is even more important. Xoxo

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sun Oct 13, 2013 4:08 am

Awake in the middle of the night. I woke sad but now feel so uplifted - thank you each one of you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for understanding, thank you for sharing and thank you for caring. You are all truly special and your support has been invaluable to me over these rather difficult months. Bless you.
I am sleeping over. Babysitting my granddaughter. She is three and she spends every moment in the now!! It is so delightful, playing pirates and dressing up and laughing and singing has been the best possible tonic for me. With little ones there is just no space to be sad. I have also had time to reflect on my life a little and I know that noS is the only way for me. This is the only 'diet' that will gradually ( once I get it properly working! ) keep me safe, help me get healthier and give me back my self esteem. There is nothing I can do about my grief. It is because he was so special that it hurts so much to lose him. But I can do something about my health and well being, and I can make sure I get well enough to stick around and see my granddaughter grow. So I am going to keep plugging away. With your help and my determination this has got to stick soon

Sorry for long rambling post and thank you, you make this all seem possible

jw · Post by jw » Sun Oct 13, 2013 11:34 am

"But I can do something about my health and well being, and I can make sure I get well enough to stick around."

Yes! the black hole you describe can't be filled with food. Do something to honor your dear friend, as Hippy Dippy recommends, and honor yourself as well by taking good care of yourself, Tessy!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Mon Oct 14, 2013 8:31 pm

Still on the ropes. Nothing good to report. The day went well until the afternoon. At 4 o'clock i had my milk, I had a snack, I went for little walk but then I caved in ate lots and lots of ginger biscuits and some sweet ( candy) Ashamed

grumpy

sad

I don't even really like ginger biscuits !!! I'm a little bit worried I am bingeing more on noS than I normally do!

WIDRT - waited for my lunch even though I felt very very hungry at 11 o'clock. So some progress. Maybe I need to inch along hour by hour till I can get past 4 o'clock. Ah well better people than me have struggled hard on this forum and overcome their bingeing.
Try again tomorrow.

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Mon Oct 14, 2013 10:30 pm

Tessy,
I think you are right to just let it go and try again tomorrow. Too many adjustments and chastisement will make you feel like you are on a typical deprivation diet. No need for panic. You have changed your way of eating for most of your day. Like S days, if you just keep going and are patient, that 4:00pm monster will tame itself. Do not let a 4:00pm slip give you permission to binge all night. Just move to the next meal, back on track.
All my best,
Kat

ZippaDee · Post by **ZippaDee** » Tue Oct 15, 2013 1:40 am

Tessy, First of all I want to say I am so very sorry that you have recently lost someone close to you! Sending a big cyber hug your way.

Second of all, mark it and move on. You did great for most of the day and tomorrow is a new day! Just keep on keepin' on! GO!!

clarebear · Post by **clarebear** » Tue Oct 15, 2013 7:34 am

Tessy, your comment about ginger biscuits really made me laugh- because I too have done this before-caved and eaten something I'm really not bothered about! (eg wagon wheels back in the day) But you are going through a tough time, it will take time while you grieve and this is normal. The fact that you are still logging on here and posting is amazing, keep going and doing the best that you can do in this moment.

Kookie · Post by **Kookie** » Wed Oct 16, 2013 4:55 pm

HI Tessy,

Hope you're okay today! I really admire your strength and honesty. You will find a way...and you will get a long string of green days soon, when you're ready. I totally understand the awful stress of being exhausted. And grieving. Those are two big monsters. And unfortunately the only way is through... I know you've had your fill of suggestions but I know for me that when I am resisting my feelings instead of welcoming them and accepting them whatever they are, I can get extremely exhausted. But it's so hard learning how to have a new relationship with our emotions and spirit but for me, it is the key. I am learning how to talk kindly to myself and be my own best friend. It's funny, I bet this is true for you too, but I am such a loving friend to others but such a b1tch to myself. What would you say to someone going through what you're going through? You'd know exactly what to say and it would be loving and kind. And it's okay that you keep failing! That's just where you are on your journey. Try to just ride the wave and take a mental holiday from fighting where you are. If that makes sense!

Sending love

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Wed Oct 16, 2013 7:46 pm

Well could not face posting yesterday. But today feeling stronger so trying to fess up publicly again. As you say Zippadee I have to mark these days and try to move. I am still trying, still planning, trying to put everyone's wonderful advice and insight into practice. Thank you Kat you are right ( you always are!) I must try not to let one binge become a long night of pigging out. Clarebear and Kookie thank you for giving me such kind support. You have all given me the determination to keep posting. It is all very frustrating. But as you say Kat at least my mornings are working ok

Tomorrow another day, new plans to try I will crack this, I must ......

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Thu Oct 17, 2013 5:28 am

So glad you're still hanging on Tessy. I think what Kookie said makes a lot of sense. Just do the best you can under the circumstances...

And know that we're all pulling for you.

*hugs* linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Thu Oct 17, 2013 8:36 pm

Well now some good news, today was a green day, yippee! I worked at home with people around me. So much better than at work on my own. No snacking and good food three times in the day. Now I have to convert this into a run by doing it again tomorrow! I think I am getting somewhere. I know it does not seem like it as I always blow it in the afternoons, but steady persistence in trying to do it, even if not succeeding is helping me to start to default towards not snacking. It is the bingeing I am still falling down with. So I hope I can tackle that tomorrow and next week. It is a lifetime prop and comfort for me to eat sugary things but that then turns into a binge so it will take time. I think I am bingeing worse than ever at the moment but I think that is a sign of crisis and challenge, part of me, the binge baby, is very fearful that I will overcome it and change, and I will!!! So must keep fighting ( myself) and see this as a storm before the calm

Anyhoo, a green day, hooray

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Fri Oct 18, 2013 2:50 am

Good for you Tessy! Seems like you do better at home in general.

Do your best tomorrow. Progress not perfection. Making it to 4pm is no small feat so give yourself credit where due. Maybe you can make it to 4:01 next time & then slowly beyond. Either way, you're on the right path. It's just a bit rocky at times!

Linda

jw · Post by jw » Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:31 pm

"I think that is a sign of crisis and challenge, part of me, the binge baby, is very fearful that I will overcome it and change"

Tessy, that is so insightful! It reminds me of somebody on this board referring to her appetite as being like a toddler, needing boundaries. Don't give up! Show that baby who's boss!

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:47 pm

We are all rooting for you, Tessy!

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Fri Oct 18, 2013 11:34 pm

Tessy,
Keep it up. All is well. Healing from grief is a marathon and you just have to accept that, be kind to yourself, and keep doing your best.
Sending you good thoughts.
Kat

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Sat Oct 19, 2013 4:59 pm

You are all so lovely, thank you. Linda you are right, progress not perfection! JW yes, I am goin to show that baby whose boss!! Automated, I truly value your support, and Kat, thank you so much for your enduring support and for sharing and understanding so well the space I am in.
Well I failed on Friday. But actually feel very upbeat!! I am enjoying my weekend and have new very radical ( well radical for me

) plans to put in place next week. I am actually very excited about it. I think I have come up with a plan to get past my four o'clock baby feed

I have decided to leave after my last teaching session and go for a swim! I found a nice health club near my work with a very warm pool, perfect for my rheumatic joints, and I have signed up!!! Scary, as it cuts down my working day and I don't want to have to start working at weekends too much. But I am very hopeful that this will be a new start for me. So fingers crossed

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Sun Oct 20, 2013 12:18 am

Wow, Tessy, what an awesome awesome strategy, on so many levels! I LOVE this...... Taking care of you, and showing your "binge baby" who is boss!

You've recognized your particular challenging moments, and you keep trying different methods to replace that 4pm temptation hour. And swimming for your joints! How relaxing. I feel like your body is feeling loved by you for noticing what it needs!

And thanks for your kind message on my checkin. I had never thought about it like that: that my anxiety/drive to do well as a teacher helps protect me from abusing my position of power as a teacher. Very interesting, I'll be carrying that with me for a long time. And you gave me a lot of hope that I won't feel this way forever. I will settle down, I always eventually do.

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:52 am

Oh, that's wonderful! I think that swim is going to feel soooo good after a long day!

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Sun Oct 20, 2013 8:24 pm

Tessy,
I love your idea. I learned that you cannot take away a coping mechanism (whether it is healthy or unhealthy, for grief or anything else) unless you replace it with something just as good or better. Healing in the water sounds like a much better plan that healing in the cupboard!
All my best,
Kat

LoriLifts · Post by **LoriLifts** » Sun Oct 20, 2013 10:22 pm

Hi Tessy,
I have enjoyed reading your blog. I admire that if your day hasn't gone as planned, you write about it and move on. That's not an easy task.
(((big cyber-hug)))
Lori

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 3:53 am

Tessy that's an awesome idea. You feel like you should be able to push through and keep working but maybe that's not realistic. Maybe you eat because your exhausted and just need a break.

This is better. Be honest about what you need and how much you can take. Swimming will revive you and help you feel renewed and ready to tackle your work again.

Good for you for continuing to problem solve. You will figure this out one way or another.

Linda

clarebear · Post by **clarebear** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:17 am

good idea Tessy!
It's a good distraction and good for you too

Kookie · Post by **Kookie** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 2:30 pm

What a great idea! I hope you enjoy your swim today...from binge baby to water baby

ZippaDee · Post by **ZippaDee** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 7:38 pm

Great idea! It's 3:36 here. Not sure what time zone you are in, but thinking of you and your swim. Sounds awesome. This is the most difficlut time of day for me as well. I am heading out on a bike ride!

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:12 pm

Well, after all that build up everything went really well until I got to 4.30, was trying to leave but had a major student crisis, then a call from my head of department and a long unscheduled meeting about 'important stuff' and then the time I could swim had passed!! Got past 4 pm though, but when I got home late at 7 i was so ravenous that I could not stop eating nuts and then nuts and dates, dang it!!! I had made pasta bake just had to heat it up, but blew it. Oh dear

this must all sound very typical tessy muddle and failure. But actually it made me think how hard it is going to be to make this time for myself. So I am going to have to use noS tactics and make it a habit. So now have two habits to try and establish

I really don't want to give up and surrender to the binge baby, I want to be a water baby ( thanks for that image Kookie). I want to heal in the water not in the cupboard!! But I am wondering what people must think of me, a 59 year old woman who cannot even get three days of sensible eating in a row!!
Thank you for all your kind words and support, but please feel you can drift of and ignore me. Supporting me is such a thankless task at the moment - sorry

Still another day tomorrow........ I have another plan

jw · Post by jw » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:26 pm

I hate it when my careful plans get disrupted, Tessy! There won't be a student crisis every day, though -- and you may want to start letting it be known at work that you are not available at 4 pm (daily swim, doctor's orders, you know). Maybe you could get your doctor to back you up!

I work part time now and I would be putting in full time hours for part time pay if I didn't fall back on "prior commitments" a lot -- sometimes the prior commitment is to go home and take a nap or finish a good book, but nobody else needs to know that. . .

okbyxmas · Post by **okbyxmas** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:27 pm

Oh, Tessy. Don't feel like you don't deserve support! I am not able to be here as much as I was currently but I still check in on you and am sending you all my good vibes. Hugs to you!

wosnes · Post by **wosnes** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:51 pm

My apologies for the length of this.

Nearly every time I read one of your posts, I want to ask you this: Have you ever considered that your struggles with No-S, especially no snacking, isn't because you're incapable of following No-S as written, but because No-S as written isn't right for you?

When we can't stick with a diet (or other self-improvement programs) we're quick to blame ourselves and call ourselves failures, but not so quick to say "Maybe this isn't quite right for me. Maybe I need to make some modifications to it so it will work for me -- instead of me working for it."

I don't think adapting to No-S should be effortless, but it shouldn't still be a struggle after nearly a year. I often say that people should wait six months to a year before making modifications. Usually people have the habits under control and it's a good time to modify to better suit their needs. However, when you can't get the habits under control, maybe they aren't quite right for you.

Nearly 20 years ago I read Barbara Sher's Live the Life You Love. This passage jumped out at me:

I want you to forget everything youâ€™ve absorbed about what motivates captains of industry, famous athletes, or other culture heroes. I want you to start from scratch, building a life that fits you as you are â€“ not as someone told you youâ€™re supposed to be. You see, nothing is wrong with you.

Something is wrong with the messages youâ€™ve been given.

Most change experts sincerely feel that they have the answer. A tough coach barking that youâ€™re the lowest force of life on this planet, or a gentle, soothing guru telling you to fill your mind with only the most healing thoughts honestly believe that their method will help everybody. Well, those methods may help some people some of the time but they leave many of us behind â€“ because they were developed by experts who left out whatâ€™s most important: who we are.

You see, there is no one â€œrightâ€ method for motivating people to change.

I remember a scene from the film An Officer and a Gentleman, in which Louis Gosset, Jr. announces to a line of raw recruits that he expects half of them to fail. In fact, he plans to do everything he can to make them crack, because only those that remain deserve to be pilots. As I watched, I thought, â€œthe only recruits who make it through that system will be those with a talent for taking abuse.â€ Now, maybe thatâ€™s whatâ€™s required in the military. I canâ€™t pretend to judge military training. But I have a big problem with this method when it comes to the nonmilitary world.

Our culture often equates the ability to endure punishment with excellence. We believe that if you donâ€™t have the guts to suffer, you donâ€™t deserve to win. For damaged, bitter characters like the one played by Richard Gere, that philosophy may really be a lifesaver. But what about the rest of us? A lot of people with other kinds of genius get thrown on the trash heap when endurance is the main measure of worthiness. I wonder how many gifted people are walking around thinking they donâ€™t have what it takes because they couldnâ€™t make it through gym class. , or a punishing college experience, or some other endurance-based change model.

This model is standard for men in our culture, but it affects women, too. Even a woman who has raised children with support and understanding will apply the â€œmale military standardâ€ to herself and feel like a failure when she comes up short. Weâ€™re all taught that real winners can take abuse.

Many such yardsticks exist in our culture and weâ€™re trained to measure ourselves against them no matter how little they apply to us. Itâ€™s a funny thing, when the shoe doesnâ€™t fit we think weâ€™re supposed to wear it anyway.

Itâ€™s time to stop that kind of thinking. When too many people flunk a program, something is wrong with the program. If you tried in the past to go after your dreams â€“ and you failed â€“ thereâ€™s an excellent chance that it wasnâ€™t your fault. You probably were using techniques that were designed for someone else.

Blogger and cookbook author Pam Anderson must have read the same book, because in her book The Perfect Recipe for Losing Weight and Eating Great she wrote â€œDiets are like trying to sell everyone the same style and size shoe. If this way of eating is forced and not really you, youâ€™ll revert to your old patterns every time. Better to find a way to eat for life.â€ She had given up on diets and designed something that worked for her. She encouraged readers to create something that would work for them.

Not only is there not one "right" way to motivate people to change, there's no one "right" was for people to accomplish change -- including weight loss. You are using techniques that were designed by and for someone else: Reinhard. While he and others have had success with this, that doesn't mean that it's right for you.

I think there are a lot of variations of No-S that will work for most people. The rules can be a little different for everyone.

I knit and Elizabeth Zimmermann was one of my favorite knitters. She encouraged knitters to be in charge of their knitting and not be blind followers of the written word (patterns).

Maybe a 4 PM snack is really you. At the very least maybe it's not something you should continually beat yourself up about.
Maybe you should be in charge of whether or not you eat then and not blindly follow a program designed for someone else and that clearly is difficult for you.

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Oct 22, 2013 5:48 am

Thank you JW for your insight, that is indeed the challenge, I need to get people to see I am not free after 4pm, myself as well as others. But it is worth doing. Okbyxmas, thank you for your enduring support, I hope all is well with you?
Wosnes, thank you for finding the time to write to me. I get your point, that noS as it stands may not be right for me and it is something that I have considered many times. But actually i think it is right for me. I have been a disordered eater since I was 14. NoS holds out the promise of a secure, 'normal' relationship with food. Something well worth fighting for. I have tried a snack at four but because at the moment I am struggling with grief, exhaustion and poor health it is not enough and just opens the door for me binge. I wish it didn't, I would have no problem with three plates a day and a snack at four. But I must deal with my bingeing. This is my time, I must sort it. You wrote before on my thread that I should not define myself by the bad days, and this was wise advice. Perhaps, if I am doing anything 'wrong' it is in being so public in my struggle! Actually I am a rather private person, but I did not realise that I could be so well supported by others like me. It has been a delightful revelation, and an enduring comfort. I also perhaps mistakenly felt that my journey and determination would encourage other people to keep going. That is the teacher in me, but does not always serve me well when I feel down and disheartened it is very hard to be honest and open. I do not believe I am ' blindly' following this programme, in fact the opposite I am constantly thinking, adapting and learning as I go along. Even when I fail - which is often - I can find something good about my day amongst the rubble. That is a positive for me, but perhaps does not seem clear from my posts I am sorry if that is the case. I shall think about this. I also need to go back to Lori's strategy of recognising what I did right today (WIDRT). It is a very positive thing to do.
So, I do believe noS is right for me and one day I will post my testimonial and it will show that I was right to not give up on myself and to tackle my deepest fears and change my life.
Today is another day, I have a plan, I know I am getting somewhere. Onward as Zippadeee always says

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Tue Oct 22, 2013 7:41 pm

Tessy, my daughter's karate studio has this on the wall "A black belt is a white belt that never gave up." We are all learning from you because we are seeing what true persistence looks like.

I do agree with JW and think this may be a great opportunity for you to set boundaries and practice self-love. The days that you do swim will benefit everyone including your students because you will be giving them the best you instead of the exhausted, overwhelmed you. At least that's my theory!

Linda

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Tue Oct 22, 2013 10:13 pm

Tessy,
I suspect there are many lurkers out there watching these posts and not yet wanting to sign in, maybe trying NoS and struggling and getting up the courage to change before they "go on record" here. But not you, you jumped right in and trusted these fellow NoSers with the good, the bad and the ugly of this task. You are the honest voice of people who have lived a long struggle with food issues. I have been on a diet or gaining weight since I was twelve. You, since you were 14. Of course our bingeing and snacking habits are strong. My God, look how many years we have had to reinforce them! Its going to take time. You are not perfect. I am not perfect. But every GREEN day is one less RED day. When you add them up over the years to come, it's gonna count in our favor. I am so proud of you that you will not give up this course. Maybe we are crazy to put our faith in this plan so early on but every mighty oak was a nut that stood its ground!
I'm not ashamed to be a little nut, are you?
Your friend,
Kat

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Wed Oct 23, 2013 1:02 am

You have a good plan, Tessy! It is not easy for teachers to put boundaries around our work. This year I have started walking to/from work and let me tell you........ the HARDEST part about is regretting the time away from work! But I am so glad I am doing it, I have started to look forward to just breathing all the way home.

My gut tells me that getting you out of that classroom before 4 is key. And I have to echo wosnes in that I wonder if a snack right before or after your swim might be great for you to try. All of this stuff is just trial and error, but hey--science experiments (in this case, nutrition) are fun!

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:40 pm

Thinking of you! Hope you're having a good day today. Hopefully you made your swim

jw · Post by jw » Sat Oct 26, 2013 11:11 am

Hope all is well, Tessy, and that your silence is part of your new plan!

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Sat Oct 26, 2013 1:02 pm

Tessy,
I am distraught not to see your sweet encouragements on this site. I hope you are well and watching. We miss you.
Best of everything, my fellow NoS sister.
Kat

tobiasmom · Post by **tobiasmom** » Tue Oct 29, 2013 3:29 pm

Missing ya

hope all is well. No judgment here!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Tue Oct 29, 2013 3:31 pm

Missing your sparkly presence around here as well! Hoping you're okay!

Linda

Tessytwinkle · Post by **Tessytwinkle** » Tue Oct 29, 2013 10:46 pm

Hello, I'm back, I think! I've been in a very deep hole and you have coaxed me back my dear wise, gentle sisters

Linda, Kat, JW, tobiasmum, automated, bless you and thank you for caring enough to hang on to me when I was drifting away from the mother ship

I shall start posting again tomorrow. I want to do noS so badly. It is like smoking I just had to keep trying to give up and one day I no longer returned to my bad habit. So I must just keep trying noS and I must be accountable. I feel stronger at last today so I pray I can start posting again and have a good green day.

So, here's my plan, 3 meals a day, snack if needed at 4 ish. Swim 3 times a week, try to be kinder to myself, never give up

Ps. Weighed myself have put on 3 lbs!! Will weigh myself again end of November. It means nothing as I have not been able to get it right yet, but I will do

Kittykat150 · Post by **Kittykat150** » Tue Oct 29, 2013 11:36 pm

Yay! Tessy is back!!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Wed Oct 30, 2013 3:57 am

Yay!

So glad,to hear from you! Post when you feel up to it and know we're all sending you well wishes.

Linda

Everyday Systems

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Tessy can do it!!

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