cbecker's daily check-in

[cbecker]

I started the No-S diet many months ago and found great freedom from a lifetime of yo-yo dieting and food obsession. I stuck to it faithfully and felt very confident in the strength of my new habits. But somehow I fell off the wagon!!
I have had several weeks now of eating that feels out of control. I'm finding it difficult to even make it through one full day with no-s success. About a week ago I had the idea of starting to post on here for accountability but couldn't seem to get around to setting up an account. Then I realized this morning that I was now using the fact that I hadn't started checking in here yet as an excuse to continue overeating! I can see now how often I do this. If I decide to try something new that could *help* me, I'll start to view it as a *need*. As in- "I can't control my eating until I do this." (Sigh)
So I'm going to have to start reminding myself that there is nothing else I need to learn or figure out or buy or try before I start eating moderately. I can and will start at this very moment! Today will be my Day 1!

[jw]

Welcome back, cbecker! It sounds as if over time, you allowed things to become negotiable -- so easy to do, one little concession here, another there . . . But if you tell yourself X (snack, sweet, second) is simply not an option today, you will have made a good start. Brilliant to start on a Friday, too, with 2 S days just around the corner! Several people have said that re-establishing the habits after a lapse is easier than the first time, so good luck!

[KimberlyDawn]

I think most of us fall of the band wagon a time or two before we stick with it. Welcome back to No S!

[cbecker]

Day 1 SUCCESS!

I had some struggles, especially when I got home from my big errand day with the kids. We were frantically carrying things in, putting away groceries, and cooking supper. And in the midst of all that, I inexplicably thought that I would feel better if I started sneaking some bites, too. (?!) Knowing that I would be reporting back here later is one of the things that helped me wait until suppertime.

Thanks, y'all, so much for the encouragement! You know, I didn't even realize that I was starting on a Friday. And it's a good thing I didn't, or I would've wanted to wait until Monday! This weekend is busy with some S-events (which I've been baking cookies for!), so I'm so thankful to have one good day behind me and feel a little more in control.

[cbecker]

Day 2- S-Day (success)
I can't remember if I'm supposed to include S-days in my "count," so I'll have to check on that.
The reason I am also viewing it as a success is that I didn't do any secret eating. That is the "S" that I want to eliminate altogether- forever!! That is what came out of my years of destructive, crash diets which usually ended in binging. I got to where I could hardly eat in front of others at all but was tempted to eat every time I was alone. Anyway, the no-s diet has helped me to see eating as a social thing, which has been a huge and wonderful change for me. So even on my S-days, I plan to report on whether or not my S's were completely open and enjoyed with others.
(Eventually, I will figure out how to have a "signature" or introduce myself better. This check-in I started is my first time to use any kind of message board!)

[automatedeating]

Yes, you get to include S days in your count! Yay!

Just click on your profile button and you can add/edit your signature whenever you want.

[cbecker]

Day 3 S-Day (success)
I enjoyed some dessert in addition to my 3 plates. But, again, I'm counting this day as a success because there was no sneaking. That's the word I've decided to use for the S I plan to leave behind forever!

Thanks, auomatedeating. And congrats on your weight loss so far!!

[keep on going NMW]

I LOVE your no Sneaking insight. I can totally and completely relate. I.cat believe how hard it is to stop.
Well done.

[cbecker]

Day 4 SUCCESS
Thanks, Keep on Going! And I'm glad to know that I'm not the only recovering "sneak." I truly believe (and need to remember) that food eaten with a clear conscience tastes much better.

We had friends over this afternoon, and I served a special snack. As usual, I wasn't terribly tempted to eat any of it until our guests left, the kids were outside, and I was in the kitchen alone. It really helped to know that I would be checking in here later. I'm so excited to have made it to Day 4!

(I keep thinking I should weigh myself so I can report my progress, but I'll probably put that off for awhile . . . )

[cbecker]

Day 5 SUCCESS
I struggled with major hunger almost all throughout the day. But I remember that my body will eventually adjust, and I keep telling myself that!

I weighed this morning, and it almost threw me into a panic. Over the past few years of cycling between crash diets and major overeating, my weight has varied between 145 and 155. I expected it to be around 150 right now. It was 155!! It's a good thing I've been looking over posts from all the sensible No S dieters around here. That's what helped me keep my perspective and not resort to something drastic. I know that this is the way that will work for me if I stick with it and give it time.

Some overdue background info:
I am a 38-year old stay-at-home mom. I home school my 4 children who range in age from 4 to 14. Although I've been much bigger in the past, my BMI over the past few years has varied near the border between "normal" and "overweight." However, because all my fat is on my belly, I definitely need to lose quite a bit. I'm not sure how much. That's part of the struggle right now: deciding whether I can accept my body even if it never looks the way I want it to. For now, it's probably best that I just focus on "ideal behavior" and try to let go of my expectations. (Thank you to all the sensible people on here who are such good examples for me!)

[cbecker]

Day 6 SUCCESS
I was just thinking back over the day to see if there's anything I should share about my meals. But I cannot remember anything about my three meals at the moment. I'm going to take that as a sign of progress!!

[automatedeating]

Good job to remain calm when you weighed in! Here's a tiny possible encouragement. I underestimated my weight status when I started NoS. I listed my beginning weight as 142, but really, in the next few days it became apparent that it had been higher, like 144. Is it possible that were closer to 155 and maybe just weren't really accepting that yet? I only even suggest this because I realize that's what I had done.

[cbecker]

Day 7 SUCCESS
Woo-hoo! I'm 1/3 of the way to the 21-day milestone!

Thanks so much, automatedeating! And you're absolutely right. During the weeks (or months??) that I gave up on any kind of dieting (including No S), I was in denial about the results of my overeating and so avoided the scale. Last week when I started back to No S, I wanted to believe that I was starting around 150. But I finally forced myself to weigh because I realized I could be discouraged later by an apparent lack of weight loss if I were actually starting out much heavier. My panic on seeing my weight was not at all in thinking that No S had caused me to gain, but in wondering if I needed to do something with faster results if I was that bad off. (I only have 2 pairs of jeans that fight right now! And jeans are very important to a stay-at-home mom! ) Anyway, I do think it's best that I know the truth and can buckle down to work on what really matters: my long-term eating habits.

If you underestimated your starting weight, it's good you didn't get discouraged by an apparently small loss for your first month. Obviously, one of my goals needs to be to care much less about the number on the scale!!

[cbecker]

Day 8 SUCCESS
So excited to have made it to my S days!

I also was able to wear pair of my "mid-size" jeans yesterday. I can definitely tell I'm making progress!

[jw]

Look at all those green days! Go, cbecker!

[cbecker]

Day 9: S-day
Day 10: S-day

Sadly, I cannot put my parenthetical "success" beside these days! Both involved some "sneaking," and by Sunday evening I felt totally out of control again-- waiting for everyone to go to bed so I could break out the peanut butter. Of course, in the spirit of No-S, I am just counting these as S-days and continuing on to 21. But I hope to never see days like these again!

Today will be quite a challenge. I am amazed when I read on here about people who go hog wild on S days but always have perfect N days. I can definitely relate to the hog-wild part, but I seem to be unable to switch instantly back to disciplined eating again. It's partly from the feeling that I have blown it and must be a hopeless case. But I think there are physical reasons, too. My mouth and stomach seem to have stronger feelings of entitlement after remembering what it's like to have all their demands met!

But I'm committing to make this day green. Thank you, JW, for pointing out the green days already behind me. I needed to see that this morning!!

[jw]

S Days are often over the top in the beginning, c -- they calm down all by themselves eventually, so don't waste time worrying about them or beating yourself up -- you simply can't fail on an S day! just keep on going green on your N days and you'll be fine!

[keep on going NMW]

Just here to say thank you for your encouragement.

[cbecker]

Day 11: SUCCESS
I'm thrilled! But now I need to run to bed to avoid further temptation . . .

(You are very welcome, Keep on going!)

[eschano]

I think my secret to disciplined N day compliance is that I end up overdoing it on S days (not to aspire to) so by Sunday night I feel so sick I never want to eat like that again. But jokes aside, I do it without any guilty conscious! I think drop the guilt on S days no matter how terrible they are and you'll be much more likely to have good N days

[cbecker]

Day 12: SUCCESS

Can it be that I'm over halfway to 21?! I think I'm actually gonna make it!

Thank you, jw and eschano, for your advice on S-days. I have struggled with discouragement and feeling like I've undone all the good of last week. It would be much better to just focus on having successful N-days. I'll try!

[cbecker]

Day 13: SUCCESS
Day 14: S-day (Thanksgiving)
Day 15: SUCCESS
Day 16: S-day (Saturday)
Day 17: S-day (Sunday)

Ok, I counted a little ahead so I don't get so behind again! I had a hard time yesterday when everyone was eating leftover Thanksgiving desserts. I saved myself a piece for today, because I was afraid it would all get eaten. (Hopefully that's not cheating!) Of course, it felt ridiculous to not eat dessert with everyone else simply because it was Friday instead of Saturday. But I thought of my quest for 21. I'm determined to make it!!

[kccc]

I kept Friday as an N day too... and also held back dessert. In fact, I had my pumpkin pie for breakfast this morning (and enjoyed it immensely!)

It actually felt good to take a break from stuffing myself! Four days in a row is just... too much.

Good luck on your 21! I lost count when I was sick, and just decided to take it day by day, but I am inspired by your progress.

[keep on going NMW]

Good luck !!!!! You are doing great!

[cbecker]

Day 18: SUCCESS
Day 19: SUCCESS

Thanks, Keep on Going! And, yes, KCCC, I agree that I actually needed Friday as a break from the indulging. I love your pie-for-breakfast idea! I would have gladly done that, too, except that my children would've mobbed me. It was a dilemma figuring out when to eat mine!

I was surprised on Thanksgiving day to find that I did not get hungry for supper at all. That's only surprising because I had no seconds and only a small piece of dessert at dinner. Since I usually get hungry only a few hours after a No-s meal, this was a reminder to me of how much richer all the food was (and how much richer all the food will be throughout the holiday season!). If I am going to continue to fill my plate as I have been doing, then I need to remember to have very low expectations for weight loss during the next month or two.

I'm excited to be getting close to 21, but I'm also having to face the fact that No S eating is not even close to feeling like a habit. In fact, the past two days have probably been the hardest of all. Yesterday as I was preparing supper, I desperately wanted to start snacking. I reminded myself that I only had to wait about half an hour before satisfying my hunger. But that didn't matter to me. I didn't want to satisfy my hunger by sitting down for a nice family meal! I wanted to satisfy my irrational impulse to start stuffing huge uncivilized bites into my mouth simply because I was alone in the kitchen while hungry and stressed! There was no comfort in knowing that a meal was coming. But I'm still thankful I didn't give in. I'm under lots of extra stress right now so I guess I should expect the temptations to get worse for awhile. I'm very eager to get to the place where habit is on my side!!

[kccc]

I promise that it will get easier. The longer you keep on the path, the more you build habit. The stronger your habit, the easier it is.

To me, there's a tough spot between the initial enthusiasm of the honeymoon phase and the point where habit is getting to be pretty solid. As you say, it's HAAARRRDDD then. But the more you can tough out that point, the faster habit will build.

During that phase (or any particularly rough phase), I find it helps to plan extra-nice N-compliant meals. Something a bit special or yummy, but perfectly reasonable in terms of the rules. Oh, and to be careful not to layer on any extra rules that stress your habit-building beyond what it can bear.

Good luck!

[cbecker]

Day 20: SUCCESS
Day 21: SUCCESS
Friday: FAIL
Saturday: S day
Sunday: S day
Day 1: SUCCESS

The ice storm craziness has kept me away from the computer. But I'm still working on this! And I knew I needed to at least do this quick update.

Thanks so much, KCCC. I do feel that I'm in that hard in-between time you describe. So I'm about to make a special N meal!

[automatedeating]

congrats on finishing your 21-day challenge! yay! I am currently on Week 4 of my second 12 week challenge. Hard to believe I've been NoSing for 3 and a half months. It goes fast.

[cbecker]

Day 3: SUCCESS
Day 4: SUCCESS

The truth is that I'm a little unsure if I should claim "success" for today. I didn't get to have lunch until 2, and my plate was very full. In fact, I also had an apple that I kept on a napkin, telling myself that I was "virtual plating." But that was probably a stretch, since there wasn't much empty space on my plate. For now I'm going to call it a success so that I can avoid the temptation to snack before bed!

Thanks for the encouragement, automated eating! I am thrilled that I made it to 21. The fact that I had a fail on day 22 makes it appear that I was either celebrating or giving up after reaching my goal! But it was actually unrelated. At that point I wasn't even aware of what day I was on. It was just a rough Friday night when I was extremely hungry, extremely tired, and somewhat stressed about our winter weather situation. I just gave up and decided not to wait for my S day. Of course, my S days turned out to be not as enjoyable because of that. But I'm so, so thankful to now be back on track. I need to figure out whether I'm starting another count/ challenge or if I should try the personal Olympics now.

Also, I just skimmed your thread, automated eating. Again, I am very inspired by your progress and your attitude. You set a great example!!

Today was my first day to get out after almost a week of being iced in. Since we live in TX and are not used to this kind of weather, it has been quite an adventure! And one of the things I've been so incredibly thankful for is the No S diet. We've been having some very interesting, unbalanced meals as I've dug deep into the freezer and pantry. If I had been "dieting" as I have through so much of my life, I would've run out of my special food and had to go off of the diet. Then I would've felt like a failure and wanted to binge. Then I may have even wasted limited food for my family. It would've been a complete nightmare! But instead, food and meal preparation has not been stressful for me at all during this time. It's actually been fun! One of the reasons I love No S is that it seems to be the only "diet" that works with and even encourages social situations. But now I see that it is also be the perfect diet for emergency situations!

(Just in case I've worried anyone: we were in no danger of running out of food. But since we live at the top of a big hill on a small, curvy, country road, we just chose to hunker down here and stay safe. )

[automatedeating]

Hey, how are you doing?