Moderatemeals check in

moderatemeals · Post by **moderatemeals** » Tue Dec 17, 2013 12:44 am

I'm back again after many attempts to make this a habit. I've had success before but never so much that it becomes second nature...which is ultimately what I am striving for. I definitely have 'disordered eating' issues and just want to find peace at mealtimes and with my relationship with food. I have always used food for many reasons other than hunger but whenever I have successfully stuck to No S, I find this peace and enjoyment around food. I hope to find that again. I also find that logging daily helps me stay accountable.

A few things I am changing this time around:
1. I'm not weight myself at all....maybe down the road I will, but for now, the scale is put away.
2. I'm not even thinking about anything other than those 3 rules and one exception. I find that by changing the rules - even if it the tiniest mod - it sets me up to fail and and then just want to quit.
3. I'm making my meals really delicious. I find I also fail when I try to eat healthier at my 3 meals. Ultimately I feel deprived and cave in before I get to the weekend.
4. I'm striving for NO BINGES. For me, a binge is this mindless, completely out of control eating that results in me feeling way too full and then crabby and depressed.
5. I'm going to log daily.

So, here is goes...
Monday: Dec 16: Success
breakfast: oatmeal with cinnamon
lunch: chicken, tomato, basil panini with pop chips
dinner: lime tilapia, white rice, roasted asparagus and a roll

Overall, I'm pleased with my first day. I feel very satisfied and I'm going to try to steer clear of the kitchen and pantry tonight!!!
Good luck to everyone out there!

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Tue Dec 17, 2013 12:53 am

Welcome back! I love your screen name!

What was the longest you ever stuck with NoS in the past? Can you see any patterns in the weeks right before you quit that you can prepare in advance for this time?

Your plan sounds great, I look forward to following your journey.

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Tue Dec 17, 2013 10:01 am

Hi there, welcome back...this is my 3rd attempt since I came back to No S and I do feel different this time..

I do like your new boundaries, I should do the same with my scale as it can derail someone quick.

I'm doing Vanilla No S this time as well...I started tweaking here and there...snacking for me leads to binges as well. So my weekends are Vanilla with perhaps 2 "S"'s...

Building the fence or boundaries is important...makes things easier. Since I came back on 12/4 I had one red day on the weekend..so I'm tracking all days green, and red for a binge..regardless if a free S day...totally free to me equates to a no binge day.

Here's to success.

Like Oolala told me "You CAN face this down"!

moderatemeals · Post by **moderatemeals** » Tue Dec 17, 2013 3:09 pm

Thanks for the comments Nosnacker and Automatedeating! I had a great day yesterday and I do think being 100% strict is important as well as not weighing myself. And the pattern that I have noticed that leads me to 'quit' is changing up the rules or being strict in anything other than the 3 rules and one exception. For example, when I try to eat healthier at the 3 meals instead of what I want, I think it leads me to feeling deprived which then messes with my head and causes me to binge. I've had a million different types of mods but honestly the only thing for me that really works is to totally give up sugar or stick strictly within the Vanilla No S framework. I think that giving up sugar 100% is unreasonable for me so the No S is the better option.

I will post more tonight which tends to be my hardest time to stay on track!!
Good luck and thanks for the comments & support!!

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Tue Dec 17, 2013 4:30 pm

I struggle with trying to eat "healthy" meals too. And I have the same strategy as you right now--I'm not worrying about it! One thing at a time. I noticed on finallyfull's testimonial she specifically mentioned that she didn't worry about the nutrition part for a full year. Only now she's beginning to consider that.

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Tue Dec 17, 2013 10:40 pm

Yes changing up the rules causes problems...I re read the book and he explains why it causes issues..the more you give in to a little mod here or a little mod there...the whole thing can become a mess..

This is my 3rd time and I rather not keep starting over and over, but then again I learned a lot from the first two abandoning the No S ship!

One day at a time as they say, one day at a time..One success at a time tooo..

moderatemeals · Post by **moderatemeals** » Wed Dec 18, 2013 2:15 am

Thanks Automatedeating and NoSnacker for your comments!

Today was a good day and so far a success!
Breakfast: oatmeal and 1 sausage link
Lunch: homemade panini and pop chips
Dinner: roast beef sandwich and a lot of potato chips..but all on one plate!!

My thoughts today were that I didn't skimp on anything and I think it helped me stay on track. Normally I wouldn't have had a sausage with a bowl of oatmeal because I would have thought it was too much but today I reminded myself that I was only having 3 meals so I better enjoy every bite of them!! I think it helped me not feel deprived.

Nighttime is my hardest time. I'm trying to keep busy right now and also trying to help myself relax without using food! It's hard because the mindless snacking does make me relax somehow and I now need to break this habit (that I've had for 30+ years!)

I was good about staying off the scale today. I think that is a huge help because I also tend to derail if I feel as though I'm gaining with this approach (which I logically know from experience that I will NOT gain..but somehow in the moment of weighing myself, all logic goes out the door)

Good luck to all reading. I'm hoping to continue with these posts daily as sort of a therapy and coping mechanism!!

jw · Post by jw » Wed Dec 18, 2013 1:36 pm

I'm arriving late to the welcome back party, moderatemeals! People who try other approaches do seem to gravitate back to home base -- more evidence to me that No S is a viable plan. You are right not to skimp in the initial stages -- fill your plate until you no longer want to! Best of luck!

moderatemeals · Post by **moderatemeals** » Thu Dec 19, 2013 1:54 am

Thanks jw for stopping by! I'm definitely struggling today...I always find that on Wednesdays my will power goes down and I want to cave in and eat. I'm trying extra hard tonight to stick with it because I really want to get it down this time!

So far today has been a success...
Breakfast: muffin + 2 sausage links
Lunch: asian chicken salad and fresh bread
Dinner: vesuvio chicken, potato wedges, potato chip and fresh bread

I do definitely feel better and am finding that I feel so much freer to really enjoy my meals and make/order whatever I want instead of thinking about food in terms of 'good' or 'bad'. But my biggest challenge always comes at night when I just want to eat a sugary treat. I normally do this by myself and I almost have a sneaky attitude about it. I'm not sure where this originated from but I really want to break this habit and enjoy food and treats in the presence of others and especially with others instead of just by myself...alone in the kitchen or just stuffing my face with food I don't even taste or enjoy!

That's all for now. I'm trying to log ALL my feelings each night until my compulsion to snack or binge goes away!! Good luck to everyone....from my experience previously, No S is such an amazing way of living if you can just stick with it!

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Thu Dec 19, 2013 10:34 am

Hi there, I'm a night time eater, right after dinner for a good couple hours..

What I'm doing this time around is "having a piece of fruit on my plate" OR I bought goat cheese rolled in blueberries and have a small slice..it singles that mealtime is over for me.

And I have jotted down a couple notes to myself "NO CHOICE"; it is OKAY to say NO to myself; and my favorite "You CAN face this down, Deb"..

So moderatemeals...I'm going to say to you what Oolala said the me"

"You CAN face this down, ______", please add you name

moderatemeals · Post by **moderatemeals** » Thu Dec 19, 2013 10:16 pm

UGH!!! Big fat fail today!!

I don't know if the stress of the upcoming holidays just took over but I completely broke down and started snacking mindlessly at 4pm. A few bites of bread led to some chocolate and now I'm so annoyed with myself. It starts this terrible pattern with me that I feel incredibly guilty and like a failure!! I'm going to try to just move on but does anyone have this same pattern? I always do well the first few days and then inevitable fail toward the end of the week which then makes my S days seem like I don't truly deserve them. I love having a perfect week because then I truly feel I have 'earned' my treats at the end of the week. I wish I could just stick with it consistently because I know this will give me peace with food but I'm just so tired of the constant red days that should be green.

Would love advice from anyone that has experience with this and has overcome it!!

wosnes · Post by **wosnes** » Fri Dec 20, 2013 2:36 am

moderatemeals wrote:UGH!!! Big fat fail today!!

I don't know if the stress of the upcoming holidays just took over but I completely broke down and started snacking mindlessly at 4pm. A few bites of bread led to some chocolate and now I'm so annoyed with myself. It starts this terrible pattern with me that I feel incredibly guilty and like a failure!! I'm going to try to just move on but does anyone have this same pattern? I always do well the first few days and then inevitable fail toward the end of the week which then makes my S days seem like I don't truly deserve them. I love having a perfect week because then I truly feel I have 'earned' my treats at the end of the week. I wish I could just stick with it consistently because I know this will give me peace with food but I'm just so tired of the constant red days that should be green.

Would love advice from anyone that has experience with this and has overcome it!!

I can't answer your question, but I wouldn't call a few bites of bread and some chocolate "a big fat fail." It's a fail, yes, but not so bad. Just move on. S days aren't rewards, they're part of the habit.

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Sun Dec 22, 2013 10:22 am

moderatemeals wrote:UGH!!! Big fat fail today!!

I don't know if the stress of the upcoming holidays just took over but I completely broke down and started snacking mindlessly at 4pm. A few bites of bread led to some chocolate and now I'm so annoyed with myself. It starts this terrible pattern with me that I feel incredibly guilty and like a failure!!

No quite sure if these few extra bites caused you to binge or did you stop after the few bites?

I agree with Wosnes,,,I wouldn't consider this a big fat fail. I think the being annoyed with yourself will draw you back into to your old habits, so do you think you can move on past the annoyed with yourself? I do understand how we try to be perfect and when we are not, we are our own worst critic. I had a terrible Saturday, but I have decided I'm not going to dig the nails into myself, it only makes things worse and leads to more bad days. Know what I mean?

Just a thoughts

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Tue Dec 24, 2013 11:45 pm

Hey, how are you doing?

NoSnacker · Post by **NoSnacker** » Wed Dec 25, 2013 10:05 am

Ditto...hope all is well....

I just read on Spark about a book called "Brain over Binge"...I just bought it...below is the post from Spark. Seems to me like worth the read.

"I'm reading 'Brain over Binge' by Kathryn Hansen right now. I can hardly stop reading because I find it so fascinating. It offers a very different perspective on binge eating than the ones I encountered so far.

Kathryn Hansen was bulimic for six years and then found her own take on the binge eating that were causing her problems. She swore that if she ever found a cure to bulimia / binge eating, she'd write a book about it. I'm glad she did, as she definitely has something to say.

There are many things that amaze me about the contents of this book. One of them is that it crosses out the concepts I learned so far from the 'therapeutic approach' to binge eating.

The author says that urges to binge are the problem and not 'triggers' for binges like strong emotions, certain events that we can't handle, eating certain trigger foods, getting too hungy etcetera. The problem for a binge eater is that they give in to urges to binge. The urges to binge, she says, are not the result of the emotions and events mentioned above. They are the result of two things: dieting and habit.

In my own words:
Dieting, depriving the body of food and nutrients it needs, leads to deprivation, to which our animal brain responds by urging us to binge.
If we give in to that urge long enough, it becomes a habit ingrained in our brain.

The answer to overcoming binge eating then is NOT to learn to handle emotions differently, dissolve problem situations in our life, stop eating food x or y, but to learn to see the urge to binge as unimportant and just let it be, without acting on it. If we don't act on the urges long enough, they will diminish and go away.

I am sure that what I say here does not do justice to the logic of the book.

But I feel that this approach offers a very simple hold on binge eating while the therapeutic approach is very complicated."