Little Victories and social props

NoelFigart · Post by **NoelFigart** » Thu Feb 26, 2015 8:58 pm

I work in an office now. This means that I am often surrounded by eating opportunities. That's not so bad, as I can just... choose not to.

It's the little parties that can be a pain sometimes. A co-worker I am pretty fond of is transferring to another department and there was a party for her. So, is it all that noticeable if you don't eat?

Not if you've got a coffee cup. I drank my coffee and chatted and congratulated and was participating because I was drinking that cup of coffee.

Works well.

mitchelll · Post by **mitchelll** » Fri Feb 27, 2015 7:01 pm

something else I have found that helps, is to say "I'm not a ______ person" when treats are offered, and usually others don't press. I guess that they don't want to waste treats on some one who deosn't like them In my case it's sweets . I'm not really a big sweets eater and when I say it like that, "I"m not very big into sweets," there is almost never any pressure to eat the offered treat . However, if I just say "I'm on a diet," or "i'm trying to cut down," etc., there is often a response of "Just one won't hurt you" or "You're fine, don't worry about one little piece of cake" etc.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat Feb 28, 2015 3:52 pm

If you're really not a sweet person, that could work, but if you work in the office with the same people, and they ever see you eat a sweet or talk about a dessert, you will likely hear about it. And if a person is heavy, very few people really believe that they aren't a sweet person, though they'll probably lay off.

I notice in larger groups, many of my colleagues forego offered sweets, no big deal.

Trying to avoid having to say anything is often the best tactic for me, though I have a little arsenal just in case. Having your coffee and chatting sounds like it was pretty easy! We're often the ones thinking we have to say a lot, but it's often not necessary. My thin brother just says, Nah. (A thin person will also take a big piece of cake, eat a bite, and leave the rest. I STILL am in awe/horrified by that. I guess someone is still a bit attached to her sweets.

)

Thank goodness for coffee!

NoelFigart · Post by **NoelFigart** » Sat Feb 28, 2015 4:05 pm

Well, I do notice that we tend to want to explain what we're doing when it's often unnecessary. That invites comment on our personal choices. Let the nosy busybodies be intrusive without invitation. Makes the lifted eyebrow, smile and obvious subject change more entertaining and a MUCH harder spank. The people that argue more than an "Are you sure?" after a smile and "No, thanks" to an offer are rarer than one would think if one isn't in the habit of that response.

I don't explain No-S at work, even though it's very interesting to me conceptually, and I like to talk about things that interest me. (That's why I participate so much in this board, I think!) It is that I do not want my food choices questioned.

Neither do I label myself as an "excuse" because I think that invites comment about our participation or not in social norms. A glass or mug in hand at a party where there are refreshments is within the realm of social norm, so you are participating, even if you don't participate with the food, too. To explain is to label yourself outside of that norm, and I think that there may be good reasons to do it, but in my own personal case, I don't have one for office parties.

ironchef · Post by **ironchef** » Tue Mar 03, 2015 6:44 am

My office has sweets or morning tea goodies on an almost weekly basis. I do exactly the same - grab a cup of coffee, join the group and catch up on the news. No one ever notices. This amazed me when I first tried it out

I've always liked the Ethel Barrett quote: "We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do."

Blithe Morning · Post by **Blithe Morning** » Tue Mar 03, 2015 3:56 pm

Quite true. Most people really aren't that interested in the details of your life.

A similar example: After being stranded at a conference in southern Virginia due to weather, I recently asked a fellow attendee "Do you watch the Walking Dead?" And that person replies "No, I don't have a tv. In fact, except for when I travel I don't ever watch TV. I moved into my new house about a year ago and haven't even plugged in the TV."

All I wanted to do was to make a joke about how the South was overrun with zombies because they don't have the infrastructure to deal with extreme natural events. In the North, most of the zombies would have been neatly dispatched by snowplows.