Restarted No S the day after Halloween - not doing well

carolz · Post by **carolz** » Thu Nov 03, 2016 5:26 pm

I've always had a problem with sweets, since I was a kid. Once I start, it's hard for me to stop until I feel sick. At home, I deal with it by buying only single servings of cookies or candy, and not very often. But at work, it's awful. Of course everyone and her uncle has been bringing in Halloween candy (and I'm talking huge bags of the good stuff: Snickers, Reeses, Kit Kats, etc.).

I'm looking forward to this weekend, and tomorrow when I'm off, because I won't be around all this crap. Even though I'm technically back on No S, this is my third red day in a row.

I have to try to deal with this somehow, especially since this is just the start of the two-month sweets extravaganza, and as I remember from last year, it will just get worse. (I work with someone who makes the most unbelievably awesome cookies - and I have a real weakness for cookies).

Any tips would be greatly appreciated. Even when I lapsed from No S, I still lurked here because of all the great advice and support.

Carol

LifeisaBlessing · Post by **LifeisaBlessing** » Thu Nov 03, 2016 7:51 pm

Hi carolz!

I'm pretty new on the boards, but I lurked here for years before I formally joined back in June after I achieved my goals using a very effective modified form of NoS. Since June, I have improved on my initial goals, and am very happily maintaining, making adjustments as needed for the occasional slides.

As a sweet lover also, I always had difficulty with vanilla NoS and would do much like you're describing with the sweets on weekends and other S events. This never got me to my goals, and I would end up very frustrated with my lack of results. Finally, I decided that it was time to legalize the sweets--an intuitive eating strategy--and instead of avoiding them and making them pedestal-like, I started treating them like any other food, realizing that I could still eat them in small amounts. So basically, I modified NoS so that I can eat a small amount of sweets with any of my meals.

Once I did that, the appeal for overeating and bingeing on them went away completely. Maybe a strategy for you would be to add in a treat here and there with your meals--for instance, when your coworker brings in her awesome cookies, take one and have it with lunch, or bring it home to have with dinner. When there's a ton of candy available at the office, pick your favorite to have with lunch or dinner. That way, you still can enjoy the sweets, and you also are training yourself to be able to deal with huge quantities of them without overindulging. Avoiding treats completely (especially at this time of year!!!!

) is going to be pretty unrealistic unless you decide to become a hermit lol!

My advice in a nutshell (based on what worked for me): Practice enjoying sweets in small amounts with your meals; that way, their "power" over you is greatly reduced and/or eliminated.

Good luck with whatever you decide on doing, and welcome back!

Lilbec · Post by **Lilbec** » Fri Nov 04, 2016 10:15 am

I really like your ideas LifeisaBlessing, but I do think it depends on the individual and in particular whether you're the sort of person who can stop at "one small treat". Personally, I find it easier to not start than to start and then stop (a bit like an alcoholic with 'just one drink'). I also think Reinhard makes a very good argument that it's much easier to have a hard-and-fast rule and not have to think about where to draw the line, than to continually have to use your judgement eg. about what is 'small' enough, how many times a day is ok, etc.

ceo418 · Post by **ceo418** » Fri Nov 04, 2016 12:10 pm

Could it help to maybe bring a small container in and select a few of those treats to take home for the weekend? Maybe not so much with the Halloween candy right now, but later with cookies and brownies and other things like that, it might be helpful to know that you can have them, but at a time when you can feel more comfortable about it. That could also give you time to bring the treats home and consider if you really want it or not (it's perfectly okay to dispose of something if you don't want it). I'll do that sometimes with the birthdays/anniversaries in my department, and sometimes I do still want that cupcake on the next S-day.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Nov 04, 2016 12:40 pm

I will preface this by saying I tried to make sweets okay in daily life for 30+years, having been exposed to the IE strategy way back in the late 70's. It did "work" for a few brief bouts, but it usually eventually led to serious relapses. I ended up 40 lbs. heavier by the time I committed to No S at the end of 2009.

I believe it is really helpful to get four things clear and WRTING THEM DOWN:
1. what you actually like about eating sweets-you do get a payoff or you wouldn't do it (the pleasure of the first few minutes, even the pleasure you get in your mouth later while you are fighting it in your mind and hating the feeling you are getting in your body, etc; this is to some degree biological, since the majority of people have a preference for the taste of sweet); don't judge yourself for this!
2. what price you are paying for overdoing them, more so the physical cruddiness and health effects you REALLY believe in rather than the guilt and self-criticism, which actually often INCREASES the likelihood that you will repeat the behavior
3. the unlikelihood that this will ever go away on its own or by being permanently lifted from you because of some outside force or specific combination of foods
4. the benefits you think you will get from living with moderation, EVEN IF it is sometimes painful in the moment to make the right choice

I don't believe I could ever have made it without finding out what life was like those five days a week without sweets, nor without the uncomfortable wild S days I finally incorporated a mod to curtail. (I went from eating a pound plus of chocolate and other sweets every weekend to eventually having a few bites of it or even none on some, but it took time!) This I say even though I have had some (milder) relapses at times in my six+ years. During months and months of relatively smooth sailing I never thought I would stumble, but sometimes have. But I've never felt I left completely.

I also have some thinking strategies that were crucial at tough times, but I've gone on long enough for now.

Believe conquering sweets is doable. You just may not know what strategy will be right for you yet, but it doesn't keep the meal strategy from being a great holding pattern. You will likely find you limit other foods along the way as well.

pinkhippie · Post by **pinkhippie** » Fri Nov 04, 2016 1:49 pm

ceo418 wrote:Could it help to maybe bring a small container in and select a few of those treats to take home for the weekend? Maybe not so much with the Halloween candy right now, but later with cookies and brownies and other things like that, it might be helpful to know that you can have them, but at a time when you can feel more comfortable about it. That could also give you time to bring the treats home and consider if you really want it or not (it's perfectly okay to dispose of something if you don't want it). I'll do that sometimes with the birthdays/anniversaries in my department, and sometimes I do still want that cupcake on the next S-day.

I have been doing something similar with all the Halloween candy around me this year. I have a big ziploc bag and any time I want a candy bar or something, I put it in the bag with the promise to myself I can have it on an S day. That way I don't feel so deprived. I also have trouble with sweets. I have attempted to make them a normal part of my diet but for me, I have found that the more I have the more I want. Even if I legalize them. For me, I think they have an addictive quality. I don't know if its the substance itself or the habit of having them, but its an awfully easy habit to fall into for me. I feel good only eating sweets on the weekend because I feel like I have a long enough break between them to not get on the more and more train and that also physically makes me feel so much better. I know its tough, but I know you can do it, its just forming a new habit.

pinkhippie · Post by **pinkhippie** » Fri Nov 04, 2016 1:53 pm

oolala53 wrote:I will preface this by saying I tried to make sweets okay in daily life for 30+years, having been exposed to the IE strategy way back in the late 70's. It did "work" for a few brief bouts, but it usually eventually led to serious relapses. I ended up 40 lbs. heavier by the time I committed to No S at the end of 2009.

I believe it is really helpful to get four things clear and WRTING THEM DOWN:
1. what you actually like about eating sweets-you do get a payoff or you wouldn't do it (the pleasure of the first few minutes, even the pleasure you get in your mouth later while you are fighting it in your mind and hating the feeling you are getting in your body, etc; this is to some degree biological, since the majority of people have a preference for the taste of sweet); don't judge yourself for this!
2. what price you are paying for overdoing them, more so the physical cruddiness and health effects you REALLY believe in rather than the guilt and self-criticism, which actually often INCREASES the likelihood that you will repeat the behavior
3. the unlikelihood that this will ever go away on its own or by being permanently lifted from you because of some outside force or specific combination of foods
4. the benefits you think you will get from living with moderation, EVEN IF it is sometimes painful in the moment to make the right choice

I don't believe I could ever have made it without finding out what life was like those five days a week without sweets, nor without the uncomfortable wild S days I finally incorporated a mod to curtail. (I went from eating a pound plus of chocolate and other sweets every weekend to eventually having a few bites of it or even none on some, but it took time!) This I say even though I have had some (milder) relapses at times in my six+ years. During months and months of relatively smooth sailing I never thought I would stumble, but sometimes have. But I've never felt I left completely.

I also have some thinking strategies that were crucial at tough times, but I've gone on long enough for now.

Believe conquering sweets is doable. You just may not know what strategy will be right for you yet, but it doesn't keep the meal strategy from being a great holding pattern. You will likely find you limit other foods along the way as well.

I agree with this as well, for myself. It was/has been important to find out what life is like for 5 days without sweets for myself as well. Back before I had weight issues and body image issues and all the issues I now battle, I definitely did not have sweets every day. I did not want them. It was just an occasional thing.

LifeisaBlessing · Post by **LifeisaBlessing** » Fri Nov 04, 2016 3:29 pm

Lots of great ideas here, carolz--coming from many different perspectives, life experiences, and attitudes towards sweets in general. The great thing about these NoS boards is somewhere in all the advice, you'll find something that resonates with you and your individual biology, temperament, and what you're willing to live with on a daily basis.

Also, maybe consider starting a check in? It's a great way to help yourself with tracking and accountability, plus lots of people will chime in with helpful hints along the way.

Again, welcome aboard and all the best as you move forward on your NoS journey!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Sat Nov 05, 2016 2:52 am

A lot of good advice here. I especially like blessings advice of including a small amount of sweets on your plate each day. I know it's not vanilla NoS but for someone feeling deprived enough to binge, it may be a good solution.

It's what child dieticians reccomend for kids that continually overdo it on sweets. The point is to normalize it instead of glorifying it. It may take awhile to calm down (you may continue to overdo it for awhile) but if you continue to give yourself small treats daily you will begin to start to trust that they will always be there and therefore you don't need to "get it while you can".

Sweets isn't my big issue but whenever I crave them on N days I just tell remind myself that I can have them in a few days. This can be another good strategy but you will have to figure out what's going to work best for you.

Best of luck. You will get through this!

Linda

carolz · Post by **carolz** » Mon Nov 07, 2016 8:18 pm

Thanks everyone! I've tried the method of having a little bit each day but that doesn't work for me. Right now I'm back to vanilla No S and so far (Friday and today) it's working great! The candy bowl is still in the kitchen, though all that's left are the 3 Musketeers - I guess they're not that popular in my office. I'm happy to say I did not have over the top S days this weekend, which has been a problem for me before. I have done No S, quit and come back several times and once again I'm reminded how much better I feel when I'm doing it. I need to keep reminding myself.

Another thing I love about No S is it's so easy to come back to - no clearing your kitchen of forbidden foods, no buying special food or signing up (and paying!) for meetings.

Carol

Merry · Post by **Merry** » Thu Nov 10, 2016 3:20 am

carolz wrote:Thanks everyone! I've tried the method of having a little bit each day but that doesn't work for me. Right now I'm back to vanilla No S and so far (Friday and today) it's working great! The candy bowl is still in the kitchen, though all that's left are the 3 Musketeers - I guess they're not that popular in my office. I'm happy to say I did not have over the top S days this weekend, which has been a problem for me before. I have done No S, quit and come back several times and once again I'm reminded how much better I feel when I'm doing it. I need to keep reminding myself.

Another thing I love about No S is it's so easy to come back to - no clearing your kitchen of forbidden foods, no buying special food or signing up (and paying!) for meetings.

Carol

Glad you had a good weekend! I too love the ease of No S, and how much better I feel doing it.

Merry · Post by **Merry** » Thu Nov 10, 2016 3:26 am

oolala53 wrote:I will preface this by saying I tried to make sweets okay in daily life for 30+years, having been exposed to the IE strategy way back in the late 70's. It did "work" for a few brief bouts, but it usually eventually led to serious relapses. I ended up 40 lbs. heavier by the time I committed to No S at the end of 2009.

I believe it is really helpful to get four things clear and WRTING THEM DOWN:
1. what you actually like about eating sweets-you do get a payoff or you wouldn't do it (the pleasure of the first few minutes, even the pleasure you get in your mouth later while you are fighting it in your mind and hating the feeling you are getting in your body, etc; this is to some degree biological, since the majority of people have a preference for the taste of sweet); don't judge yourself for this!
2. what price you are paying for overdoing them, more so the physical cruddiness and health effects you REALLY believe in rather than the guilt and self-criticism, which actually often INCREASES the likelihood that you will repeat the behavior
3. the unlikelihood that this will ever go away on its own or by being permanently lifted from you because of some outside force or specific combination of foods
4. the benefits you think you will get from living with moderation, EVEN IF it is sometimes painful in the moment to make the right choice

I don't believe I could ever have made it without finding out what life was like those five days a week without sweets, nor without the uncomfortable wild S days I finally incorporated a mod to curtail. (I went from eating a pound plus of chocolate and other sweets every weekend to eventually having a few bites of it or even none on some, but it took time!) This I say even though I have had some (milder) relapses at times in my six+ years. During months and months of relatively smooth sailing I never thought I would stumble, but sometimes have. But I've never felt I left completely.

I also have some thinking strategies that were crucial at tough times, but I've gone on long enough for now.

Believe conquering sweets is doable. You just may not know what strategy will be right for you yet, but it doesn't keep the meal strategy from being a great holding pattern. You will likely find you limit other foods along the way as well.

Loved your whole post, and especially the bolded! When I started, I really wasn't sure it was doable to conquer sweets. I just hoped S-days would help me combat them! One of the best things NoS has given me is the realization that sweets are a choice--they don't rule me. They're there for me to enjoy at the right time--and I can leave them at other times, often feeling little or no sense of deprivation despite their previous death-grip on my appetite. (Note, I don't say I never feel deprived, but most of the time, I'm surprised to realize that telling myself I'll see fresh-baked brownies again and this isn't the last time I'll see them makes me realize I have the strength to say it's okay--I don't need to eat this now to enjoy tonight.) It gave me a new respect for myself to realize I could just say no. I really didn't know I could before.

Your point 2 reminds me--I should write down my reasons so I can read them over at other times. I've not done that yet. Thanks.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Nov 14, 2016 6:03 pm

There is no doubt that sweets can work on the brain very similarly to addictive substances. The question becomes what is necessary to combat that. Some people may really need to eliminate them, some may decide to eliminate them over time, and some may find a way to override the attraction enough to have them in a manageable way. Some may give up and never recover. Every one of these has difficulties in implementing them.

Only the individual can decide what difficulty is worth grappling with.