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Tortie's Check-In, 2017

 
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Tortie



Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 41

PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 10:17 pm    Post subject: Tortie's Check-In, 2017 Reply with quote

So I kind of lost the plot last week, not being very well.

Yesterday I was feeling a lot better, and the day ended up being an accidental No S day! Wow...how did that happen? Maybe this is the way out of disordered thinking and overeating for me after all.

Time to follow the advice of those before me and start a check-in thread.

Today is a special day; our seventh wedding anniversary. No sweets or snacks planned, but Mr. Tortie could turn up with something, so...
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Tortie



Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 41

PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2017 6:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yesterday ended up being a green day. I had a bit of wine with dinner, but no sweets or snack. It was a nice evening.

Had to miss my exercise routine this morning due to pain. I just ignored it yesterday and carried on with my routine, and did a bunch of extra stuff yesterday. Now I'm in quite a bit of pain and am stuck doing nothing...first day missed since November. Has me a bit down.
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RAWCOOKIE



Joined: 18 Jun 2015
Posts: 1277
Location: Cornwall, UK

PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2017 8:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm glad you were able to enjoy your Wedding Anniversary with the nice meal and wine.

Sorry to hear you are in pain. I think starting a daily check-in is really helpful - I hope it helps you too.

Take care Smile
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Tortie



Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 41

PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2017 9:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you, Rawcookie.
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Tortie



Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 41

PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2017 11:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I had an apple between breakfast and lunch. I was hungry and I'm missing fruit.

Fruit is kind of like a cup of tea..it just stands alone.

This might need to be my first mod. Fruit is getting wasted, because I don't like to eat fruit with my meals. I've been drinking tea with milk and sugar in the afternoons when I really want a banana. The banana, in my mind seems like the better option.

I think I may just have to do No Sweets and No Seconds.
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Tortie



Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 41

PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2017 4:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have been able to eat fruit with my breakfast and lunch, it really wasn't that hard. Making my lunch more rounded has curbed my urge to snack between lunch and dinner. I'm now content with a glass of water or soda water, or a cup of tea at that time of day.

Truthfully, my snacks between lunch and dinner were almost never fruit or yogurt..that was the fantasy. In reality, I pretty much always grabbed a handful of cookies.
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Tortie



Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 41

PostPosted: Sun Aug 13, 2017 3:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I had my very first full week of green this week.

2 reasons for my success:

1. I looked in a full length mirror and realized this (60lb overweight body) is not because of an absence of strict dieting and obsessive exercising. It's because of unrestrained overeating and being sedentary. A simple plan of eating and an equally simple exercise routine is what's needed. And patience, lot of one day at a time patience. A willingness to allow this weight to come off slowly, while I allow personal growth.*

2. I stopped putting sugar in my tea - it was triggering cravings for sugar. A simple change, but it's made all the difference.

*After I got over the initial shock of how big I was. A number on the scale did not register in my brain the way that image in the mirror did.
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Tortie



Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 41

PostPosted: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't feel the need or call to snack over the weekend. On Saturday I had a spoonful of a dessert; I didn't find it enjoyable, so my husband ate the rest. Sunday evening I had one bite of a cookie and didn't think it tasted very nice at all, so my husband ate the rest of that too.

The scale says I'm down 4 lbs. I think it unlikely to have lost that much fat in a week...surely most of that's water. It's possible I've lost a pound or half a pound of fat *shrugs* I guess it shows I'm on the right track, and it was not just my perception, I really did not overeat.

I think I'll leave off the scale for a few months - it just messes with my head. I'm worried a loss on the scale will have me overeating or a minute gain will bring back diet head.
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Tortie



Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 41

PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2017 2:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Still green so far this week. I still find having my tea without sugar to be helpful.
I struggled a bit last evening after dinner. Mr. Tortie likes a bit of dessert - he's slim and can easily afford it. I had a few seconds of poor me, but that was it. I treated myself to a nice cold soda water and it was just nice to have something sort of special (but calorie-free) while I read. I also left the a/c as it was and put on a sweatshirt - this gave me that cozy hug feeling I get from sweets.

I play out in my head how disappointed I will feel after eating something not to my plan. A few seconds of pleasure will bring an evening of regret - that's not good value at all. I also remind myself that 5 years of: "oh just this once, you'll be back on track tomorrow. You've had a hard day, one little treat will be fine..." Is exactly how I ended up 60 lbs overweight. It has never been just one, and it has never been just this once.
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Tortie



Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 41

PostPosted: Thu Aug 17, 2017 4:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dealing with a couple of down days, ( I have bipolar depression) and a lot of heavy sadness over the death of loved ones - my dad just last fall.

Had to remind myself at least 20 times in the past 36 hours that a binge will not make it feel better - in fact it will make it worse. Just allowed my self to feel the weight of grief and the tired and got as much work done as possible. Some planned projects will have to wait, as the energy is just not there.

So the week remains green. I have that, and the love of my husband and kitty to cling to through this low-grade storm of feelings.

I should also add that reminding myself that it's been an ineffective habit, not always compulsion to soothe unpleasant feelings or plow through exhaustion by eating crap. It's a little uncomfortable to change this habit, but just a little uncomfortable. And the reward of not feeling stuffed or disappointed in myself is immediate.

A rare temptation last night: My husband could not finish all the food on his dinner plate. My general rule is 1/4 of a 4 serving meal for me, 3/4 for him. For a brief moment I was about to say: oh give it here, I'll eat it - but that would be seconds - popped into my head... his leftovers went in the bin, not my belly.
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Tortie



Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 41

PostPosted: Fri Aug 18, 2017 3:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Still down, but remarkably, still green. I just kept saying to myself, there's nothing in the kitchen cupboards worth it (my husband's favourites only), and it wouldn't make me feel better anyway. At least I went to sleep last night, after some tossing and turning, knowing I had not let myself down.
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Tortie



Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 41

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2017 1:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another green week! I was so down yesterday, I thought for sure I'd cave, but instead I ended up skipping lunch. I was hungry but no appetite, so I had a glass of milk and moved on. I did not give into the temptation of takeaway and cooked a proper supper. I was worried I'd gorge at dinner, but I only had my usual 1/4 - 1/3 of what I put on my husband's heaped plate.
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Tortie



Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 41

PostPosted: Sun Aug 20, 2017 10:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not much excitement in the treat department this weekend Sad I ate one of Mr. Tortie's cookies yesterday, and it was awful. I tried to find something nice for myself at the grocery store today, but came away empty handed - nothing appealed.

I did have a coffee though, something I only allow myself a couple of times a year, but not something I would restrict to S days. The first couple of sips of that were nice, but gave the rest to my better half.

It's the weekend and I was really looking forward to biting into something delicious, but nothing ...

I'm not sure if this is my depression, normally I self medicate with sweets when I'm down. I'm disappointed that the weekend will be over and I've had nothing other than one crummy tasting cookie. Frustrating. I guess it's good I have not overeaten, or gone wild, but I would have liked the chance to cut loose a bit. I wasn't interested in a binge, but I just wanted one very nice dessert.

Feel silly being sort of sad about this, but I really am.
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Tortie



Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 41

PostPosted: Mon Aug 21, 2017 3:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I did find something to try as an S day special treat - it was gross and made me feel sick. I think I was just feeling lonely, and no sweet appealed because what I really craved was the occasion and the company that comes with special day food.

I think I need to remember the sometimes part of days that begin with 'S'. If I'm not feelin' it, just let it go. It's probably not a sweet or other treat that I'm looking for anyway.

Stupidly got on the scale this morning. I know I did not eat in a way that would cause weight gain or impede weight loss last week - so I was hoping for a bit of a loss to cheer myself up. Nope, a small gain instead. I will chalk that up to the weirdness of the body and keep on keepin' on. The cheering up should come from learning that I do not need to eat sweets on S days, if I'm not feeling it. It will not lead to me messing up my N days.
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Tortie



Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 41

PostPosted: Tue Aug 22, 2017 2:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

And now it's getting difficult. Yesterday was a technically a green day, but not one that would lead to losing weight.

I put sugar in my tea, and I heaped my plate at dinner. But all day long I fought the urge to bake cookies, and eat the lot. I was just feeling down and really wrestled with the thoughts of: maybe I'm just supposed to be fat or if eating sweets is the only thing that makes me happy... *shakes head* Total self sabotage BS. I do want to lose weight, this excess weight is really causing health problems for me. It isn't just about vanity, or approval from strangers.

It's also about addiction, for me, I know this isn't everyone's issue. But I really want to be free of the compulsive eating behaviour, to remember who I am without it. I need to get this monkey off my back in order to grow up.

I get it, I'm a depressive, and some days are harder than others. But overeating only feels good for the first bite, afterwards, I'm left in a puddle of disappointment and self-loathing.

I did have to lay down yesterday. I was sick to my stomach and dizzy - just hormonal, I think. But after a 30 minute lay down, I got up, and got stuck into my work. Everything was tackled a bit later than usual, and I still wanted to eat, but I just stuck to my meals and carried on. My crazy brain kept up with the self-defeating garbage, but I just said to myself: well, we'll talk about that tomorrow, but for today, let's stick to No S.
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Bluebell



Joined: 29 Sep 2016
Posts: 400
Location: Hampshire UK

PostPosted: Tue Aug 22, 2017 2:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Tortie I was just reading through your check in and wanted to add some words of encouragement, I hope you don't mind! You have recently, this month, managed two green weeks in a row - fantastic achievement! Without wishing to sound patronising, it is really worth hanging onto the fact that it can be done, and that you are the one who can do it.
I remember Oolala commenting on my check in that setbacks are completely normal, and to be expected. I guess it is how we deal with them that makes the difference. I can't imagine how much harder it must be for you with bipolar depression, the very fact that you are keeping on trying is huge.
I am so grateful that NoS is so forgiving, I find 'mark it and move on' such a useful mantra and often have to do just that. In fact you don't even need to do that - sugar in tea is allowed, heaped plates are allowed and sometimes most definitely needed.
Hang on in there! You're doing so well Smile
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"You'll know where the North Star is ⭐️" - Oolala
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Tortie



Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 41

PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 3:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for the support, Bluebell Smile

Yesterday was a red day. I was still hungry 2 hours after dinner and had a few spoonfuls of sweetened yogurt - gave the rest of it to Mr. Tortie to finish. I should have had a glass of milk or cup tea instead. Back on track today.
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