Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2017 12:16 pm Post subject: Still haven't succeeded
I am a comfort eater. I have tried this diet for 8 years now and can't get past the three day mark. Is it time to give up and work on my emotional eating issues instead. I eat when I'm bored, when I'm stressed, when I am tired, when I am procrastinating and when I "fail" on the No S ie "What the hell, let's do this fail thing properly." It totally defies logic. I feel like I am being controlled by my subconscious. Is there a chance that this diet is not for me? The thought of calorie counting is stressful. At age 46 I feel like I need to reduce my intake to really low. Anyway, just want to know if anyone had similar issues and found a way to conquer them. Thanks
I wouldn't give up on the No S Diet, but maybe read one of Jon Gabriel's books and see if that information hits home. He talks about how if the body wants to be fat, for whatever reason, anything we do to fight it will fail. So we need to let our subconscious know it is okay to lose weight.
I have trouble with emotional eating, too, and have been going through a difficult time. On N days I often find myself wanting a sugary treat or crunchy, salty snack for comfort or a reward when things aren't going how I want them to. I find it very helpful that I have chosen for my "S" days to be Saturdays and Tuesdays instead of Saturdays and Sundays. It is WAY easier for me to stick to because I never have to wait more than three days for an S day. Maybe I don't have much discipline, but if I am *really* wanting to comfort eat on a Monday, it is A LOT easier to say to myself, "You can have that treat tomorrow if you still want it" rather than "You have to wait FIVE WHOLE DAYS to have that snack/comfort yourself" when the issue is an emotional desire. If i had to wait five days, I would figuratively melt into a puddle and quit. But two to three days? I can handle that. Not to mention... save a freshly baked treat I really want from Monday to Saturday when it is starting to get stale? No thanks.
Wow, so many different ideas. It's good to know that there is support out there. I believe in the simplicity of No S. It makes so much sense that a "dessert" should be "deserved" and not a staple food for everyday consumption. I also like the idea that snacking is an historically recent phenomenon and that there is no French word for "snack." Will keep plugging away and hope to come back one day and put my story on the testimonials page
Joined: 06 Mar 2017 Posts: 402 Location: Pennsylvania
Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2017 12:53 pm Post subject:
Two thoughts for you--
1. Was just rereading the NoS book. And Reinhardt was making the point that it's pretty normal to fail dozens of times before succeeding.
2. Repeat of my pet theory. How often do we understand physical drives as emotional ones? When someone is unfaithful-- my wife/husband doesn't understand me, versus, I wanted to sleep with this sexy person who's coming on to me. I'm not saying emotional motives are not real, of course, but I wonder how much "emotional" eating has more to do with the physical discomfort of the body getting used to doing without snacks when it has been acclimated to them.
I know that you've already received a lot of great feedback here, but I just wanted to add my two cents as well.
I think it's possible to work on your emotional eating AND try incorporating NoS into your life at the same time. I know that where I'm at right now in my journey is a completely different place than yours, but I can relate. My father passed away VERY unexpectedly (and suddenly) in August. I was an absolute wreck and certainly ate my emotions that entire month (which resulted in some fast weight gain [I was up to 127 pounds!] that I was fortunately able to lose not too long afterwards). As we approach November, it's difficult to accept that it's been nearly 3 months... yet, that is how life goes, I suppose.
I share all of that just to say that I can sympathize with some of what you shared. It's not always easy to separate your emotions from certain habits, but I think that when you put your mind to it and can accept that failing is a natural part of success (or the process of achieving success), it makes things a little easier.
Although I'd advocate for trying to adhere to Vanilla NoS if you can, I honestly believe that it's okay if you only have three successful days in a row followed by one mess-up. What's important is to not let Day 5 be a repeat of the mistake(s) made on Day 4. Don't let the mistake of one or two days get you down--just keep going! It may be more of a roller-coaster with frequent ups and downs along the way, but getting it right a couple days a week is significantly better than not trying at all following an occasional (or even semi-frequent) mistake.
I know I'm a bit all over the place with this, but I hope it makes sense. Ultimately, I'm sending you love and encouragement! I'm sure you can do it--just keep trying, and know that the forum is a very accepting place to vent your frustrations! I've only been posting here for about a week now, but I've never felt so comfortable sharing my thoughts/feelings about food and my appearance.
Hoping that today is treating you well!
xx _________________ 28 year old who believes that true growth comes from stepping outside of your comfort zone.
Fun-sized (4'10"), fun-loving, and on a journey to embrace a healthy and practical approach to food.
SW (10/9): 118#
CW (11/6): 113#
Last edited by Gracie on Fri Oct 20, 2017 9:56 pm; edited 2 times in total
Joined: 06 Oct 2008 Posts: 9363 Location: San Diego, CA USA
Posted: Fri Oct 20, 2017 11:53 am Post subject:
I agree with gingerpie. You've got to see that your emotional eating is actually causing you more grief than the original problems so it will be worth going through the tough withdrawal.
I was a compulsive eater/binger with lots of emotional problems. Guess what, the problems are pretty much still there. Life sometimes involves ongoing issues. I'm not saying don't make attempts to change difficult situations if you can, but don't let the fact that you won't always get the outcome you want be a reason to eat. It will seem to make so much sense at the time of the urge to reach for that food, but remember, you absolutely can keep your hand where it is. Don't wait for it to be easy. There is no guarantee anything will make it easy. But holding out against urges until you can eat a lovely plate of food is far removed from sticking to a diet. When an urge happens, think,"THIS is the a great moment I can break a bond to food. I really want to change this habit and live more comfortably with food." Rather than eat, remember the great food you had at the meal before and how wonderful the food will be at the next meal. Realize that you are not hungry in any urgent way. That's just your body misreading cues, cues that in far past times when food was scarce would have helped keep you alive. There is no danger now. No one starves on three full meals a day. Then divert yourself with something pleasurable or productive. If need be, space your meals for now so that you can shorten the gap that is hardest to get through.
And don't worry at first about being "good" on S days. I had perfect Vanilla weeks for three months and wild, wild S days for a long time. But I was so glad not to be compulsively eating every single day that I just hung on. I admit that sometimes I get reeled back in, but for the most part, I've been maintaining a 20%+ loss for over five years. (about 45 lbs.)
Don't think the N days were effortless. Yes, there are people here who feel that but I would be dishonest if I said mine were. It was just different because I just couldn't live with the overages anymore. Even now I sometimes eat dinner early or make some kind of small concession because old wires get tripped. I can say with confidence that it has absolutely been worth every difficult moment. I have NEVER been sorry I waited for the next meal, and I've almost always been sorry I didn't. All you have to do is keep increasing the number of times you're not sorry.
Believe that you can do this because you really want to manage your food sanely and reasonably. Not be the perfect eater who never takes a bite when she isn't hungry. The one who eats real meals at reasonable intervals, the way you probably would have just automatically done if you lived in a place where that was just the way the culture worked. Food wasn't sitting out and there weren't a lot of foods that were easy to pick up and pop in your mouth available between meals. People didn't want to ruin their appetites! You can become one of that tribe with us, too.
There are only three reasons to eat on N days, and they are not frustration, boredom, ''deserving." angry, sad, tired, etc. They are breakfast, lunch, and dinner. In between, you can have coffee, tea, or even milk, (nut or dairy). Make the meals joyous. You are feeding your body! You are taking short rests from food to let the body do its thing. Isn't it great?
I firmly suggest that you not look for weight loss at the same time you work on this. It may happen but it really messes with the process of simply trying to detach from so much extra food if you are also judging your success from that standpoint.
And of course work on your life problems, but I'm pretty sure the chance of having all your eating issues go away because you solve some big issues is only slightly better than using calorie counting or food elimination for the long run. So it could happen, but have this backup plan! Pray to God, but row to shore.
Get what you can from Gabriel but know that I was on a facebook group of his for awhile and it did not seem he is preaching the same strategies anymore. All people talked about there was avoiding carbs, getting your protein, etc. I didn't stick around long enough to see how it was going.
Bottom line for me was always that my desire to reduce my 40 years of disorderly eating was the only reason I could stick to any strategy, no matter how easy it was supposed to make things. I was willing to do what was doable, not wait for easy. _________________ Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 8 years & counting
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
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