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Blueox's checkin

 
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Chotzinoff



Joined: 26 Oct 2017
Posts: 17
Location: Austin Texas

PostPosted: Wed Nov 01, 2017 2:53 pm    Post subject: Blueox's checkin Reply with quote

My 6th day on No-S and my first official fail. I blame hubris! I didn't take an S day yesterday. It was Halloween, and I've had 59 years to try eating that candy. My husband, who is No-Sing with me, decided he would take an S-Day as he's the kind of guy who can eat one or two mini Snickers bars, so what the hell. Last night was no problem. I kept busy telling fortunes to trickortreaters with my Dad's old typewriter. But this morning, with everyone gone and a lot of yard mess to clean up, I started congratulating myself a bit much. How much snacking I HADN'T been doing, how much weight I'm likely to lose, etc. etc. Then I came face to face with the leftover candy and began mindlessly eating it. Well, half-mindlessly--Before I ate the first piece, I thought, "well, here goes a fail." I ended up eating six (big) pieces of candy. I stopped because I remembered that bingeing is a response to deprivation and I don't really experience deprivation on this diet.
If I want to eat this crap, I can eat it again on Saturday, I guess. So I stopped. I feel a little sick physically, but mentally I feel okay. I am not in the habit of stopping a binge, so it feels a little peculiar.

There is a lesson in here somewhere about staying in the present. I am so happy to have discovered this diet and I feel good eating this way. It is a great weight off my mind if not my body, yet. I think I need to focus on that, rather than some fantasy of the future.

Thanks for listening.

I know this is not a real check-in--no stats, exactly--but I'll do that at the end of my first week.
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Larkspur



Joined: 06 Mar 2017
Posts: 288
Location: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 12:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome! Happy Halloween/unplanned-S-Day! All we have left in the house are things I don't care about much. I did discover in my MIL's cupboard some very nice candy I hid there, but I didn't get into it. I'm doing much better avoiding candy on NoS.
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Chotzinoff



Joined: 26 Oct 2017
Posts: 17
Location: Austin Texas

PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2017 10:54 pm    Post subject: another week Reply with quote

It's been two weeks now on No-S. I think the reason it works for me is it's so very simple. Not easy, but not complicated. Until starting this, I was deep in trying to completely accept my body, allow it to reach its natural weight, no food rules, reject diet mentality, etc. I had two expensive coaches for this. I got nowhere. It didn't help me to look at instagram feeds of lovely young curvy women loving their bodies. I was feeling really hopeless. I don't know who this Reinhard is, but wow. He should get a medal.

All that said, I feel a little down. I have avoided writing about it for days now, but I feel I have to try to spit it out there and see if anyone else relates.

Most of my life I've been either on or off something. Not just diets--also plans of organization and fitness. I've always worked for myself. I have a terrible time with time management. I've done a million different things to get my heart rate up. You would probably describe me as active, but now that I've hit menopause, I don't have the energy I used to have to try to get into a workable routine, yet again. Part of me is saying "hey, two solid weeks on no S, 1.5 inches smaller in the waist, give yourself a break!" But I also think the reason No-S is so sane is that it's not about magic or snake oil or rigidity, just a very simple habit. And now another voice in my head is nagging me to create similar habits and track them for all the other areas that have been so challenging. I react to this nagging by getting depressed and then wanting to completely shut down. In the past, I sometimes did this with food, sometimes with insanely addictive online puzzles.Now I'm not doing it with food, but I'm doing a LOT of puzzles. I don't really believe I have it in me to have a daily routine or to burn enough calories, but even as I write that I see how black-and-white it is. I walked to Office Depot to mail a package (about a mile) and I worked out lifting weights for 45 minutes with my regular group in the back yard. I billed 1.25 hours of good-paying work. (Not all my work is.) The rest of the time, I just felt low and hid out. I'm looking for some advice on how to build other habits in a slow, sane way that won't make me want to give up because it's so damn complicated.

Also, I have ADHD. I have a TERRIBLE track record with routines and schedules, but I can really see how much they would help me. Does this sound familiar to anyone?
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jenji



Joined: 26 Sep 2017
Posts: 144
Location: Cambridge

PostPosted: Fri Nov 10, 2017 4:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It does sound familiar. I am working on figuring out some other positive habits, particularly around work. Right now, I'm trying to study myself, as though I were an observer, and see where my passions lie, where I get joy in work, and where my weaknesses are. Can any of those weaknesses become a strength if my work life was re-jiggered in some way? So I don't have any great suggestions, but I am struggling, too, but trying to make something of my struggle, if that makes sense. I'll let you know how it goes.

Also, maybe there is something you need that you are not getting in your life, so you feel a lack? Or maybe the downtime is really positive for you? ????
_________________
I'm a 48-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 176#, BMI 27.6 - 11/22/2017
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Whosonfirst



Joined: 16 Nov 2006
Posts: 273
Location: Pennsylvania-U.S.A.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 10, 2017 6:45 pm    Post subject: Re: another week Reply with quote

Chotzinoff wrote:
It's been two weeks now on No-S. I think the reason it works for me is it's so very simple. Not easy, but not complicated. Until starting this, I was deep in trying to completely accept my body, allow it to reach its natural weight, no food rules, reject diet mentality, etc. I had two expensive coaches for this. I got nowhere. It didn't help me to look at instagram feeds of lovely young curvy women loving their bodies. I was feeling really hopeless. I don't know who this Reinhard is, but wow. He should get a medal.

All that said, I feel a little down. I have avoided writing about it for days now, but I feel I have to try to spit it out there and see if anyone else relates.

Most of my life I've been either on or off something. Not just diets--also plans of organization and fitness. I've always worked for myself. I have a terrible time with time management. I've done a million different things to get my heart rate up. You would probably describe me as active, but now that I've hit menopause, I don't have the energy I used to have to try to get into a workable routine, yet again. Part of me is saying "hey, two solid weeks on no S, 1.5 inches smaller in the waist, give yourself a break!" But I also think the reason No-S is so sane is that it's not about magic or snake oil or rigidity, just a very simple habit. And now another voice in my head is nagging me to create similar habits and track them for all the other areas that have been so challenging. I react to this nagging by getting depressed and then wanting to completely shut down. In the past, I sometimes did this with food, sometimes with insanely addictive online puzzles.Now I'm not doing it with food, but I'm doing a LOT of puzzles. I don't really believe I have it in me to have a daily routine or to burn enough calories, but even as I write that I see how black-and-white it is. I walked to Office Depot to mail a package (about a mile) and I worked out lifting weights for 45 minutes with my regular group in the back yard. I billed 1.25 hours of good-paying work. (Not all my work is.) The rest of the time, I just felt low and hid out. I'm looking for some advice on how to build other habits in a slow, sane way that won't make me want to give up because it's so damn complicated.

Also, I have ADHD. I have a TERRIBLE track record with routines and schedules, but I can really see how much they would help me. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

As someone with occasional mild to moderate ADHD myself, it sounds like you're trying to fix a LOT of things simultaneously. You would probably benefit from talking to a life coach to try and prioritize what is most important to you. Losing weight, gaining good eating habits, spending your productive time judiciously, developing an exercise program, and probably a dozen more. I hope you get it all figured out. Good Luck.
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Weekly goal = Five Green days in a row. I do a BMI check by looking in a mirror.
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1568

PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2017 7:48 am    Post subject: Re: another week Reply with quote

Chotzinoff wrote:
I'm looking for some advice on how to build other habits in a slow, sane way that won't make me want to give up because it's so damn complicated.


I waited a long time to really work on exercise for the same reasons--I didn't want it to backfire and make me want to give up (and possibly risk my No-S habit at the same time). Even now that I have decided to at least monitor exercise, I do it very casually. I use habit-cal and use only green or yellow (I don't have "N" or "S" days for exercise, so there are no "fails.") I use green if I do a 14 minute or longer workout (usually on elliptical or a T-tapp DVD I like), and I use yellow if I went for a 14 minute or longer walk. So, I get to mark successes, know what type of successes they were (the system is "easy" for me to remember, and success isn't too hard to obtain), and don't have fails to discourage me. Maybe something like that would work for you?
_________________
Homeschool Mom and No S returnee as of 11-30-15.

2 years and counting on No-S

27.5 lbs. down, 35.5 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.
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Chotzinoff



Joined: 26 Oct 2017
Posts: 17
Location: Austin Texas

PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2017 11:42 pm    Post subject: thanks for all the input Reply with quote

I started to come around to thinking what several of you have suggested. I decided to do an Urban Ranger habitcal (I like the concept a lot) and give myself a green if I go out for any length walk at all, work out with weights, go to yoga, or basically do anything physical for 14 minutes or more. I wallowed for a bit in thinking "but that's not ENOUGH exercise! I'll never lose weight." But I also thought any exercise is a win, a non-fail. And I know myself better than to nag myself into some kind of program that is overdoing it. So far I've had several green light days in a row, and today, when I had the whole day to myself, I ended up going for a 7-mile hike in the woods because I like that particular walk and hadn't done it for a long time and the weather was beautiful. Afterward, I went to a yoga class taught by my older daughter, who is just finishing training. During the meditation part, she read aloud from our family's rather unorthodox Jewish prayer book. It was a quote from Lonesome Dove, the novel. Something like "I face my problems every day. That way, they ain't no worse than a dry shave." What a revelation! (Also I was awash in tears at how well my daughter was doing as a teacher and how much she had learned and the fact that she would read aloud from our family book. . .yeah. That was wonderful.) I re-read all Reinhard's podcast entries about forming habits. Especially the part about not setting goals, but working toward actions. I think there is something in here, between Lonesome Dove and Reinhard, that will give me an idea about my daily schedule. I know it can't be too complicated. But I have hope I didn't have just a few days ago.
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Chotzinoff



Joined: 26 Oct 2017
Posts: 17
Location: Austin Texas

PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2017 1:44 am    Post subject: As S-Day #2 draws to a close Reply with quote

1. everything all the longtime no-S-ers observe about blind pigging out on S-days is true. I find I'm not trying to make up for all the stuff I didn't eat during the week. I'm not eating furtively. I'm just eating what I want, but not everything sounds good to me. For instance, tonight is an opportunity to have dessert, but I didn't find anything at the fancy grocery store that appealed. This is a strange feeling. Not craving anything. I'm sure it will pass.
2. Reality smacks me in the face at regular intervals on this regime. I spent so many years thinking that weight loss was a magical thing that happened to me once and would never happen again, I railed against diet mentality, etc. And I still think things like Weight Watchers are a bunch of snake oil, and I've read the statistics, like everyone else, and I know that traditional goal-oriented, deprivation-based diets have abysmal success statistics. Nevertheless, halfway into my 3rd week of no-S, I'm amazed at how much I used to eat. It actually was no mystery at all how I gained the weight I lost about ten years ago. I just snacked and snacked and snacked and ate whenever I had the slightest unpleasant emotion (and it didn't really help the unpleasant emotion). Decades ago, I was a serious binge eater, and I haven't done that so much in the past twenty years, so maybe that's how I managed to obfuscate how much I was just. . .eating. No-S makes that very clear. So, okay. Interesting. I don't sit with that, though, I think about how fat I am. I don't know how fat I am because I'm deathly afraid to weigh myself. So I measure myself, and yes, my lower half has gotten quite a bit bigger, while my upper half remained the same. It seems unfair to me that I should have found this very sane diet, but I still have to be patient about actually losing the weight! I'm a real fan of instant gratification.

Anyway, this week I am trying a few new small, underwhelming habits in addition to No-S and my own version of urban ranger. They are: working for at least 14 minutes on a creative writing project before I start my other writing. And getting my Urban Ranger done before 9 am. I'm still trying to figure out how to structure my actual workday. The only thing I have come up with is not to do any puzzles online except on S-Days. I call it Puzzle Me Not. And then there's something about my butt in a chair at a desk for big swathes of time on a workday, but I can't figure out such a huge thing. So this week, it's:
No-S
Urban Ranger before 9 am
Modge Podge (my personal writing) for 14 minutes before any paying work
Puzzle Me Not

Sorry this was so long, but it is a great help to have this community, let alone to think anyone is listening.
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Chotzinoff



Joined: 26 Oct 2017
Posts: 17
Location: Austin Texas

PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2017 3:07 am    Post subject: success! Reply with quote

I did no puzzles today.
I was pretty damn active today--3+ periods of more than 14 minutes involving moving around outside.
I adhered successfully to No-S.
I wrote on my creative project for 30 minutes this morning before doing anything else.

Here is what's weird--I had such a strong urge to become completely numb between 1 and 4 pm. I just wanted to not think or feel.This was not an option and I'm actually amazed at how I got through the day without doing anything blank, such as binge eating or doing endless puzzles online. (or any puzzles, anywhere.) it occurs to me that I have more time in a day than I thought. This thought. . .just is. I'm not excited about it. I'm not afraid of it. (Less afraid than I was yesterday, anyway.) I just look at it.

All for now.
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jenji



Joined: 26 Sep 2017
Posts: 144
Location: Cambridge

PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2017 1:37 am    Post subject: Re: thanks for all the input Reply with quote

Chotzinoff wrote:
I started to come around to thinking what several of you have suggested. I decided to do an Urban Ranger habitcal (I like the concept a lot) and give myself a green if I go out for any length walk at all, work out with weights, go to yoga, or basically do anything physical for 14 minutes or more. I wallowed for a bit in thinking "but that's not ENOUGH exercise! I'll never lose weight." But I also thought any exercise is a win, a non-fail. And I know myself better than to nag myself into some kind of program that is overdoing it. So far I've had several green light days in a row, and today, when I had the whole day to myself, I ended up going for a 7-mile hike in the woods because I like that particular walk and hadn't done it for a long time and the weather was beautiful. Afterward, I went to a yoga class taught by my older daughter, who is just finishing training. During the meditation part, she read aloud from our family's rather unorthodox Jewish prayer book. It was a quote from Lonesome Dove, the novel. Something like "I face my problems every day. That way, they ain't no worse than a dry shave." What a revelation! (Also I was awash in tears at how well my daughter was doing as a teacher and how much she had learned and the fact that she would read aloud from our family book. . .yeah. That was wonderful.) I re-read all Reinhard's podcast entries about forming habits. Especially the part about not setting goals, but working toward actions. I think there is something in here, between Lonesome Dove and Reinhard, that will give me an idea about my daily schedule. I know it can't be too complicated. But I have hope I didn't have just a few days ago.


This is so cool!
_________________
I'm a 48-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 176#, BMI 27.6 - 11/22/2017
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1568

PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2017 4:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Love your observations!
_________________
Homeschool Mom and No S returnee as of 11-30-15.

2 years and counting on No-S

27.5 lbs. down, 35.5 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.
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Chotzinoff



Joined: 26 Oct 2017
Posts: 17
Location: Austin Texas

PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2017 8:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Apology in advance. This is long.
Tomorrow will begin my second month of No-S. I feel good about the work I've done forming this habit. To be honest, I haven't had to grit my teeth and power through it, which is handy because I don't know if I have that power. Sometimes it's less easy than others, but the whole program is so simple and right and there really isn't any deprivation to speak of. I can always have what I want in a few days, if not tomorrow. I have marked a few red days on my habitcal but the what-the-hell effect never kicked in. I would toy with the idea of, say, eating between meals on an N-Day. Then I would do it. Then I would mark it red and move on to the next meal. There hasn't been a big reactive blowout binge in the past month. This has not been my experience on any other diet, and in fact I spent the past decade or so being very anti-diet because they really did seem like one kind of snake oil or another. I won't go into what's wrong with diets though--so many people on these boards do such a good job of summing it up. And in any case, No-S doesn't really belong in the same category as, say, the South Beach Diet. Again, it's the simplicity that makes it work--I can't have instant gratification, but I can have gratification before very long. It's a little confidence-boosting to know that even I, with my legendary poor impulse control, can wait a couple of hours to eat or turn down a sweet on an N-day. It is not magic--it's a habit, and a good one.

Of course it hasn't all been a stroll in the park. I feel compelled to write about my struggles as well, because after all, this is my check-in.
1. weight loss. I have posted elsewhere about this, but I have a neurotic relationship with the scale and it's hard to make a clean break from the fantasy that I am either disgustingly fat or magically thin. The last time I lost weight, about 9 years ago, I lost quite a bit and it did feel like magic. Sure enough, like most magic, it didn't last. So after reading through many other people's writing on this subject, I decided not to risk weighing myself. I measured myself when I began and today. I lost 1.5" around my waist and 1/2" around my thighs. This is not very dramatic and excuse me, what happened to the part where it was going to be oodles of fun? And I'll be transformed? Brand new me! Blah blah blah! But I decided to take someone's advice and concentrate on building the habit as opposed to losing the weight. There is no way I don't eat a lot less than I used to. If it doesn't result in eventual slow steady weight loss, this is still a good way to live, in so many ways.
2. all the stuff I didn't have to think about when I was obsessed with my body and my weight. Yeah, No-S isn't the only habit I need to build. I am a terrible self-employed procrastinator and I have struggled as long as I can remember to build a routine I can rest in the way I relax into No-S. That is all a lot clearer now than it was a month ago. I was still holding out for the time management miracle system that would--poof!--make me a newly organized person. So this is the discomfort I have to sit with, pretty much every day. I seldom feel good about how I spend my time, so I don't really get days off. But, I have started trying out some new habits. Not too many at once, but a few. And I am trying to look at it on the greyscale instead of perfectionistic black and white. I am still grieving the loss of the fantasy that it could all be solved in the blink of an eye, BUT I like the habit cal. It begins to show me little tiny chunks of progress.

And that's it. One month down.
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Whosonfirst



Joined: 16 Nov 2006
Posts: 273
Location: Pennsylvania-U.S.A.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2017 10:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A great beginning.
_________________
Weekly goal = Five Green days in a row. I do a BMI check by looking in a mirror.
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Chotzinoff



Joined: 26 Oct 2017
Posts: 17
Location: Austin Texas

PostPosted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 3:27 am    Post subject: temptation and distraction and a vent with a happyish ending Reply with quote

Another week down, but never mind that. Here's what happened on my No-S day today. I have been sick for 4 days. A nasty cold. I am exhausted and manage to get to work for hours in the morning (I'm a general contractor and we started on a new house remodel this week) but then come home and pass out in bed and I don't sleep well. It feels funny to fill out my various habitcals. I mark myself as exempt from things like urban rangering and working on my creative project, but I try to stay no-S. I don't like being sick--does anyone?--and I particularly don't like it in this house, where everything is otherwise pretty nice. My husband comes from healthy stock and seems to power through illnesses in a day or so. He's not mean, but illness causes him to sort of draw a blank. He sleeps in another room so as not to get infected and goes to work and seems a little surprised to learn that he has to do some stuff I usually do. Such as wrangle the farm animals (3 ducks) and remember and prepare what we're having for dinner. To complicate matters, we're having a huge party tomorrow night, as a favor to a friend of mine who is the director of a local museum and is wanting to introduce the board to either a bunch of creative people or people who will write checks. They all know that in this neighborhood, it's all creatives, no deep pockets. But this is my thing. My husband has never been to the museum and he's not very invested in the party. I'm stressing out because it's a freaking garden party, at night, in winter, and i agreed to make food and sangria and did not count on getting sick. The short version is I know I'll get offers of help, but I will have to spend all day tomorrow doing yard and kitchen work even when I'd rather pass out.

What does this have to do with No-S compliance? Well, I have done most of my emotional eating in response to stresses like the above. Add to that my 28-year-old daughter, who lives at home, asking me what I was going to wear to the party and showing me a whole lot of fetching little numbers she was considering, all with tags hanging from them to show their brand newness. Despite all the body-positive crapola I participated in last year, I again find myself without much to wear that I feel good in. I feel good about my new No-S habits, but it's only been 5 weeks so no magical transformation requiring new tiny clothes. The idea of trying to look nice makes me tired.

And all this rattling around in my head makes me want to eat. So today, I ate lunch at 10:30 am, and it was large. I crammed it into the plate and it fit, but it was what Reinhard calls "funny stuff." Then in the afternoon I ate a few handfuls of gingersnaps. I did not enjoy this extra food and it didn't improve my mood. I experimented with the "what the hell" effect. Like why not eat even more and more and more since I'm a sniffling old lady with a lot of baggy unattractive clothes? I didn't eat more and more. Tonight after dinner (a strange, thrown-together dinner prepared by my husband) I had to go shopping for party food. And again I thought why not buy a bunch of "forbidden food" and scarf it down in the car, since I'm so far behind in everything. . .and then I got into a hilarious conversation with a cute very young guy who also could not find a single ripe avocado and kept knocking these hard green softballs onto the floor as he squeezed in vain. "I guess we can both make a batch of crappy guacamole for a crowd," I observed. And we stood there laughing our asses off. Then I wandered through the store, passing by all these foods that do not have the power to make me feel more loved or appreciated or make my symptoms go away or provide me with a smashing hostess outfit. On the way out, I saw a homeless meth addict on the fringes of the parking lot and started thinking what I would say if he asked me for money. I decided I would ask him to tell me more about his situation. He didn't approach. I thought about the very thin line that separates me from a guy like that. It might not seem that way to anyone who knows me now, but the line is thin, in my opinion.

Something about that settled me down. Interacting with people and wondering about them. Taking a break from feeling that it's ALL SO UNFAIR! BY NOW I SHOULD BE THIN! BY NOW I SHOULD NOT HAVE BODY IMAGE ISSUES! But why? Why should it be this way or that way? Maybe there is stuff that will never be a stroll in the park for me. As well as some stuff I can do really well, like write things that rhyme and scan or make compost or certain aspects of parenting and wifing. And my life is seldom boring.

Mark it red and move on. That's where I got to today.
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