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Hello Allison!
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 485
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2018 7:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Struggling on Wednesday but have made it through some really tempting things. Also scale was back down 6 pounds so I must've been holding water or post-surgery swollen last week.
And the best news of all, I slept all night!!! Wow it was amazing to see 4:40 on the clock! (I went to bed at 9:30). Very Happy

Update : went red on me ; the ice cream🍦
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 485
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2018 8:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mr. Green for me on Thursday.... And this is with a trip to Krispy Kreme because hubby just had to try their blueberry week only event. I randomly wasn't even tempted with the box.
I feel like dinner made me too full but I had a bowl of watermelon with it and ended with a decaf.
I've been having a strong mint, minty gum, a K- cup of coffee or herbal tea; just something to signify the end of dinner.
Also I woke up at 1am but just read ( Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine) in bed instead of getting up and I did fall back asleep.
Otherwise, massive tension between dh and me for about 500 reasons.
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 485
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Sat May 26, 2018 7:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
Razz. 🍏🍏 🍏 🍏 🍏 Razz


Last edited by Allisonmeg on Wed Jun 06, 2018 8:20 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 485
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2018 11:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's Monday and the kids are home for Memorial Day. DH on a trip. Today will be good practice for No S during the summer, which has been notoriously hard for me in the past years.

This weekend I spent the days grazing mostly on Stacy Pita chips and watermelon. A few tastes of ice cream, but my sweet tooth seems to really waning...yay! It didn't taste good enough that I had to keep going back for more.

We have nothing going today so I know this is going to be a tough No S day. If I can make it through today, I know I'll do well the rest of the week.

The most sucky part is the pool opened and I was mortified last year to put on a bathing suit and now I'm almost 20 lbs heavier....eeesh. Crying or Very sad
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 485
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2018 8:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Soooo after I had some sort of big meltdown on Monday, I have finally seen a therapist for the first time since my daughter and sister died. She was a super sweet older woman. We ended up talking for over an hour and a half.
My mom said to make sure I know I can tell her anything, which is the problem. I feel like I told my story but now what? I don't know what to even talk about the next time. Opening up is really not my thing. Telling the story of Alyssa is much easier than going into my (embarrassing) downward spiral.
She did tell me to apologize to my 16 year old and tell her I've sought out help, but dd hasn't spoken to me since Monday and won't come out of her room.
Food-wise it's been easy S because my appetite isn't really as pressing.
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lpearlmom



Joined: 02 Aug 2013
Posts: 3583
Location: Arizona

PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2018 4:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don’t worry about what to say or not to say. It’s the therapist job to help guide you through this process. Just keep showing up. 💜
_________________
"Every weakness contains within itself a Strength."
Shūsaku Endō

3/14-210 lbs;
3/15- 202 lbs;
1/16- 172 lbs;
9/17-177 lbs;
1/18-162 lbs;
4/18-157.4 lbs


Current weight: 153.2 lbs






Instagram "lpearlmom"
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Merrygoround



Joined: 22 Apr 2018
Posts: 88

PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2018 6:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh Alison, you have had such a dreadful time. It’s not your job to think what to say to the therapist. It’s your job to show up. Well done for making that first step. Like no s, one step at a time, just do the next thing.

We are thinking of you. Hugs are winging your way.
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Merry
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Soprano



Joined: 08 Mar 2018
Posts: 147
Location: UK

PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2018 7:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thinking of you Alison, pleased to hear you are seeking help.

Big hugs

Jx
_________________
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 9135
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2018 8:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know why I haven't been getting your updates since around the 17th of last month. Well, I'm in the loop now.

I'm so glad you've found a third party to talk to. I missed what happened between you and your 16-year-old that you needed to apologize, but I've certainly apologized to students, at times. It happens. It doesn't often melt them, but it's a good example for them.

I would be very surprised if you could shock a therapist who has made it to being a sweet OLDER woman. She has heard it all. From how you've described the session, I'll bet she will have ideas for how to guide this process. I've been seeing a very experienced therapist for a few months. Unfortunately, she is moving in a few weeks. (Not too long before we started, she woke up one morning to find that her husband of 40 years had died in his sleep. I sometimes remember that as I'm prattling on about my problems, but she has never implied that there is any reason not to take my concerns seriously.) She has asked questions and talked about things differently than any others have. Each one has his/her own perspective and style. They're also used to people who aren't used to opening up.

Please keep in mind what you don't like about your overeating habits, and how much better you feel physically and mentally when you don't let the old cues lead to the old habit. The pleasure of that reward is key to letting go of the relief of giving in. You get the most bang for your buck when you say no when it's hard, since it's likely those times will come up more than it will be easy, and depending on easy is what can get us in trouble. At the same time, we don't have to make it harder. Sit down to eat good meals of real food! Sitting down to eat is high on Judith Beck's list of eating skills. Yes, I know it's hard to give up nibbling here and there; it's a habit, and one that our ancient biology dearly loves, but being overweight and a slave to food is, too! As the saying goes, choose your hard.

Regarding waste, also not original: you can waste the food in your body or out of it. Which will it be? Encourage the kids to be more aware of when they keep taking too much to start, if they keep leaving food.

I gently suggest that you start thinking about whether there is a way to have fewer sweets and refined foods available so often to everyone, including kids, this summer. Can't the sweets be limited to meal time? Or perhaps ONE small amount mid-afternoon? If they aren't hungry enough to eat something unrefined, they aren't really hungry. I know it can be tricky. You don't want to set up rebellion and sneaking in them, either, but there's got to be a way. It's certainly not depriving them of anything crucial. Kids don't respond to what's healthy, but leaving out some fruit and nuts to crack for snacks, and assuring them they can add some of the refined stuff at meals, may help. If they pick at their food at meals, it's reason enough to keep the snacks back until meals. Let them have their appetites!

I also suggest you get kids involved in making meals, especially if they want something different. Maybe there could be a couple of nights a week the older kids are in charge; let them see what it's like to cater to so many wishes. And I assume they do clean up, right? Taking turns? An old friend comes from a family of six children; from the time the youngest was nine, their mom almost never did dishes nor laundry. Everyone deserves to make a contribution to the growth of a family.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 8 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 485
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2018 2:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you to all. Such big hugs to you.
I will take all of your advice oohlala. I cater to them like you wouldn't believe. None of the kids lift a finger around here. I agree with leaving nuts and fruits out.
The fruits I always have out, but nuts are my absolute favorite and I can't imagine having to pass a bowl of them throughout the day.

Also I suppose it is true about this therapist. She has over 25 years of experience, but I still am so stressed out about going Tuesday. I already didn't start off completely honestly because
1) I don't want her to have me committed,
2) I want her to like me and not see me for the disaster I am,
3) I'm afraid she'll tell me to do things I don't want to do (mostly involving adding other people to my life).

Also my daughter hasn't come out of her room or spoken to me since Monday.. Well unless I'm gone. So it's making it horrible around here with dh on a trip. I'm breaking out in hives. He told me he told her to get over it and told me to stop kissing her ass. Ugh.

So NoS was a success this week... One positive!
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Soprano



Joined: 08 Mar 2018
Posts: 147
Location: UK

PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2018 3:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A Therapist is unlikely to tell you to do anything, hopefully she will guide you to make decisions you feel comfortable with but she can't do this unless you are completely honest with her.

Jx
_________________
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 332
Location: UK

PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2018 6:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Allison,
Just to add my good wishes. This therapist sounds very positive, and I hope you’ll come to feel really safe with her...maybe have some good, healing conversations.

You mentioned that you had success with No S this week - that is a massive sign of your own strength and ability to make positive changes! To be able to succeed on No S while you’re dealing with such challenges....it’s fantastic and I have huge respect for you.

Hope the weekend is going OK. X
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 485
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Wed Jun 06, 2018 2:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I went to the second counseling session, heeded everyone's words and was totally honest. I covered everything (kinda like a kid's first confession to a priest). After all this, the therapist ended by asking me what my final goal was of counseling...I was totally stumped for an answer! I still am. I'm not sure exactly.

NoS was not so great yesterday, was so stressed before going, and so embarrassed after the session overthinking it. I know she was expecting me to go in for grieving over the losses but all I did was talk about myself.

I didn't binge or overeat or anything but I did do a little in between snacking.
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lpearlmom



Joined: 02 Aug 2013
Posts: 3583
Location: Arizona

PostPosted: Wed Jun 06, 2018 4:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So great you were honest! I know that wasn’t easy for you and you should be really proud of yourself. Therapists learn to be non judgmental and they also know that everyone handles things differently. Just give it time and give her a chance.

I’m sorry about your teen. I’ve got two and it’s exhausting at times. I sometimes lose it but I always apologize. I think it’s important to take their feelings seriously despite what your DH says.

*Big hugs* things will get better.
_________________
"Every weakness contains within itself a Strength."
Shūsaku Endō

3/14-210 lbs;
3/15- 202 lbs;
1/16- 172 lbs;
9/17-177 lbs;
1/18-162 lbs;
4/18-157.4 lbs


Current weight: 153.2 lbs






Instagram "lpearlmom"
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ladybird30



Joined: 07 May 2017
Posts: 245

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2018 3:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Allisonmeg wrote:


I didn't binge or overeat or anything but I did do a little in between snacking.


Pretty good under the circumstances. I'm very glad that you are seeing a therapist and I hope you find it helpful.
_________________
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 9135
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2018 6:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You don't have to be embarrassed about anything you say to a therapist. You do not have to meet her standards. It is not what she thinks about you that's important. And she is probably more generous in her opinion. There is no one way you are expected to talk or behave with her.

How would you like to think and feel about your life? If I may, that seems like a decent way to get some idea of what your final goal of counseling is. Your answer can seem like it's asking a lot, but you might as well consider asking for it

RE No S, just remember what advantages there are to living with its limitations. What will you get out of it if it means holding back on some of the eating you feel compelled to do? You can find out if it's worth the trade off only if you do it. But you'll get there.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 8 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 485
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2018 8:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you oolala. That is a good way to question myself to find the answer. I really like this therapist, yet at the same time I just dread going.

I did well No S for the day, had a piece of pie for my birthday today. I have a desire to read what Alyssa wrote in my birthday card last year, but I am trying not to...though I feel a big cry coming on either way. Not sure why it gets harder as time goes on.


I'm going to do a strict Habitcal for next week. I have gotten almost used to not counting calories...as in I didn't even think about it for most of the week. After 30 years of obsessively counting, this is pretty huge!
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 9135
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2018 4:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think the tough times will ebb and flow. I don't think it's unusual. Have the cry. Sad
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 8 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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lpearlmom



Joined: 02 Aug 2013
Posts: 3583
Location: Arizona

PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2018 4:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wish I could give you a hug. Happy Birthday. I agree, it’s okay to cry.

Btw, I went to therapy for over a year, and dreaded going each and every time. I loved my therapist but it’s just hard facing all those emotions. I always felt better after going though so there’s that.

Take care of yourself. 💜
_________________
"Every weakness contains within itself a Strength."
Shūsaku Endō

3/14-210 lbs;
3/15- 202 lbs;
1/16- 172 lbs;
9/17-177 lbs;
1/18-162 lbs;
4/18-157.4 lbs


Current weight: 153.2 lbs






Instagram "lpearlmom"
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 485
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2018 11:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That is so good to know lpearlmom! I thought most people were eager to go. Thank you for the hugs and thoughts.

S day Sunday....a grazing sweet-filled fest. I'm so anxious to get back to an N day. I hate when the S days go this way. Scale back to climbing way up. I am so canceling follow-up dr. appt. in 2 weeks). There is no way I'm going to go in there 15 pounds heavier AFTER a tummy tuck (and for probably the before and after pictures).
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 485
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2018 11:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Su M Tu We Th Fr Sa
🍍🍅 🍅 🍏 🍏 🍅 🍍

M: dinnertime graze and bites while making i/c cone
T: Leaving nuts out for the kids to snack on did not work so well for me!
W: Mexican today, didn't go nuts!
Th: made it through breakfast & lunch on kids 2nd day out of school w/ dh on trip. Yay, I got a green!
F: Red by 10:30 am....yep ice cream cones again Crying or Very sad Goal now is to mark and move on and continue day like it didn't happen.


Last edited by Allisonmeg on Fri Jun 15, 2018 3:03 pm; edited 8 times in total
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 9135
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2018 6:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Keep reminding yourself why you had the surgery in the first place and vow to do your best to keep it all where it needs to be!
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 8 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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Merrygoround



Joined: 22 Apr 2018
Posts: 88

PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2018 8:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

First a belated happy birthday.

Re the emotions. I was happy/sad when my dad died. The cancer was spreading everywhere, and he was so ill. He dreaded it getting into his brain, but the morning of the day he died he was still discussing engineering problems with my brother. I was overjoyed he had died with his dignity intact.

But as time passed I got more and more upset and missed him more and more. It peaked at about 18 months and then improved, and it didn’t follow the linear grief line. There is no one right way to grieve. This is your journey and only you can walk it.

But we can accompany you and hold your hand. So hugs from New Zealand coming your way.
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Merry
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 485
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2018 6:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you Merrygoround for sharing your story of losing your father. I'm so sorry for your loss. It helps me so much to know how others grieve, as I have no past experience. I really appreciate your hugs

As I approach the one year mark in July, I feel like I'm reliving each day leading up to her death. Her first good-bye letter was written on May 26th and her second one was written 2 days after my birthday on June 10th.
So her gift to me last year is very significant, which was a dress she saw and knew was meant for me, and a coffee cup that says Awesome Mom.

It just doesn't seem like it can be coming on a year. It's finally on my dry erase calendar, our last year 2- day orientation at her new college and her subsequent death when we got home.

My No S hasn't been perfect this week thus far, but I keep coming back each day and working it. I only have to master dinner; breakfast and lunch coming pretty naturally these days. Now that school is out, it should be much easier for me to get a firm grasp on the afternoon graze.

P.S.- I had a very good therapist visit, mostly just reminisced. Having gone to the boys' school several times this week for awards, parties, field day reminded me so much of when we used to go watch the girls And something about seeing the little girls really made me tear up It was really good to share that with her.
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 485
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 10:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ugh, only 2 out of 5 days were green. The scale continues up in record breaking numbers, but I still refuse to get back on the 30 year calorie counting wagon. I ate in the middle of the night again which is why I think I failed today. I am slowly getting more sleep; still insomnia but I'm making it further through the night.
I made the big leap and took the boys to the pool wearing a bathing suit yesterday. I didn't leave my chair...finally my youngest is old enough to go in alone! Massive thigh insecurities though.
My nemesis still seems to be the ice cream. If I didn't have to make the cones, I'd be fine. It's not like I go into the freezer on my own. I just have to put my mind into it and NOT lick the spoon...the lick always leads to more!
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