For the brave only - Welcome inside my head

mondurvic · Post by **mondurvic** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 7:29 am

Last night I discovered this site. My first post said how I couldn't wait to start. Sounds immediate, no? A subsequent email said I'd start November 1st. Now, there was a perfectly good reason for this delay. You see, November 1st is 11/1 - thus three ones, and of course, God is One. More significant, 11/1/2005 = 10 = 1. This was surely Meant To Be!

But then there was the fortune cookie I got at tonight's dinner. It said, "Your plans for the weekend are going to change". Well, what I had planned for the weekend was a Sunday buffet, as I naturally had to eat anything not nailed down before November 1st arrived. (Anyone relate?)
IF my plans were going to change - and how can I doubt a fortune cookie? - then obviously I wasn't going to the buffet.

I also realized that the buffet falls on an S-day, so I could start right away and still do the buffet. Only now I didn't feel that I HAD to. If I could do it any time, I didn't HAVE to squeeze it in before I started NoS. I didn't HAVE to do it at all, unless I wanted to. (People without a serious weight problem probably think such thinking is madness, but anyone over 200 pounds likely understands this thinking, irrational as it is.)

So suddenly there was nothing stopping me from starting . . . right now! This sent me into a panic. I felt like I almost couldn't breathe. This makes no sense at all, as I currently eat only two meals a day, so three is MORE, not LESS. But somehow, seriously undertaking ANY form of diet is very anxiety provoking to me. All those years of trying and failing - it's easier just not to try.

Much as I need to lose weight, it is not weight loss that motivates me to try this method; it is the desire for peace. Daily my mind is assaulted by obsessive or magical thinking like the above. My life centers around food, eating and diet, and my head is not a pleasant place to be. It's just circular thinking and self-recrimination, fantasies followed by despair. I want out!!!

I expect to be a pretty frequent poster, (substituting one obsession for another!), and I'm so grateful you're all there at the other end. God bless us all.

Judith

carolejo · Post by **carolejo** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 9:01 am

Hi Judith,

I can *DEFINATELY* relate!!!!! Try not to worry too much though (easier said than done, I know) and take it a few hours at a time at the start. Try doing NoS until after lunch... then until after dinner... then until after Breakfast the next day. Before you know it, you'll have managed a whole day. The next day will be slightly less worrying because you survived the one before, and so on. What also might help is starting straightaway, but only doing NoS 'unofficially' for a week, just to try it out. Tell yourself you're going to try and stick to the rules completely, but only for a week. It'll be a trial run to prove to yourself that it's possible. Because you're not really starting officially, it doesn't matter if it doesn't work out perfectly at first.

Also, don't forget that EVERYONE fails!! It's just part of being human. Just this week I went on a sugar bender and had to be forcibly separated from a large tin of merangues. HOWEVER, as long as you can be more 'good' than 'bad' you'll make it. Despite several major binges and falling off the wagon plenty of times, I've still lost a dress size since I started this.

I wish you the best of luck and happiness, whatever you decide. Remember also though, nobody is standing over you, telling you what to do with this plan. You're in control, which is both liberating and also pretty scary at times. It also means that every little success is totally down to YOU. Believe me, it feels great to know at the end of every single good day that you did something to help yourself and took another step forward to improving your lot in life!

Best Regards
Carolejo.

Sandy · Post by **Sandy** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 2:34 pm

I can totally understand that thinking - it is pretty sad how much time and brain cells we put into diet and food. You can do this and you can free yourself up from that way of thinking. I have 10 lbs to lose which doesn't seem like much but the energy that I put into dieting and food was crazy and I was never happy. I was either planning for a diet (eating everything in site) or quiting a diet (again, eating everything in site). The actual time spent eating right was possibly 4 hours a day. I was also a closet eater but exercised a minimum of 2 hours a day.

I could never come on this site again but I feel like I will never let this way of eating go. Each meal I try to make healthy but if its not I try again on the next meal.

Just do it!! I still love that Nike statement.

mondurvic · Post by **mondurvic** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 2:50 pm

Sandy -

I don't understand - what do you mean you could never come on this site again?

Judith

gratefuldeb67 · Post by **gratefuldeb67** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 3:09 pm

Hi Judith...
Ha ha ha!!!!
Your 111 thingy is something I have experienced for years and years now...
Yes it's probably meant to be!

Sorry you have such a tumultuous mind... I'm 38 but it was five years ago that I realized, with very similar experiences, that I am bipolar...
You sound like you have the same condition...
Oh, and by the way, for about 3 years I saved fortune cookie fortunes in a little bag made from chinese silk and love pulling them out occasionally for a laugh~
I only brought up the bipolar thing because you invited us all into your head... Hope I didn't offend you, and of course, I could be off too..
But I don't think I am...
The insomnia is a big tip off too and the feelings of despair and panic..
Unfortunately it's not fun, but I have ways of coping these days which weren't available to me before I realized I had a condition... My life and actions made much more sense...
Have you ever considered taking a meditation/yoga class? It's very helpful!
Good luck and blessings and Oneness, to you!

Love,

Deb
ps... Sandys comment confused me too???? LOL...

mondurvic · Post by **mondurvic** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 3:20 pm

Re bipolar - no, I'm not offended at all, just surprised that you zeroed in on it on such short acquaintance. Over the years, several people have told me they think I am bipolar, but I have never been diagnosed as such, so don't know what to make of it. There was a brief period of time when I took lithium, but I don't recall feeling any different. Now if my head is truly unbearable, I pop a Ritalin, which works quickly to ring the curtain down on the drama. Mostly I like being in my head, and find myself very entertaining, but not when the topic is food/diet/weight.

I don't save fortune cookies, but I do pick an angel card every day and use it for guidance. Today's card is Honesty.

Glad you're here.

Judith

gratefuldeb67 · Post by **gratefuldeb67** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 3:33 pm

Hey Judith!
Glad you are here too and I think Honesty is a great angel fortune for the day!
ps... Watch the Ritalin... It has been clinically proven to be more addictive than Cocaine...

I take St. Johns Wort and just try to watch my intake of good omega three fatty foods and *attempt* to have balance in my life..
I think that meds are just psychic painkillers and they usually have more rotten side effects than are helpful, besides taxing the Liver and Kidneys...
They never ever helped me, infact they made things way worse!!!!
I'm glad you like living in your head! You should! LOL...

So "Good'day eh!" LOL....
(that's Canadian talk for ya! LOL..)

Don't wait for November to try NoS!
You can start today!!!
God told me it was okay!
LOL
Love,

Deb

mondurvic · Post by **mondurvic** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 3:44 pm

I DID start today - started at midnight last night, that being the beginning of "today". Ate right up to 11:59, of course.

One problem is that for me, today is still yesterday. I have not been to sleep yet, and am not even tired. Eventually I will sleep, but it makes handling my three meals confusing. I am thinking that the only way to do it is to have a routine that is not dependent on particular times of day. So my first meal will be within a couple of hours of waking up (whenever that is), my second meal will be six hours after that and my third meal another six hours later. I currently eat twice a day, with six hours between the meals, so think this could work. If I find I get hungry before that, I can always eat earlier.

Judith

gratefuldeb67 · Post by **gratefuldeb67** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 3:47 pm

Go by when you are hungry.... Try not to overplan this in some abstract way.. As long as you stick to three meals "whenever" you will do fine!
Maybe even two will be okay, though I'm not so sure about that as a lifestyle...
Good luck for today!
Peace,

Deb

Sandy · Post by **Sandy** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 5:33 pm

Judith, All I meant is I can do this forever with no problem (famous last words). If this entire website fell apart I wouldn't need it to stay on this path because that is how good it feels. Its true what you are reading - stay on it for 21 days and its easier - I barely think about it anymore.