Went to a Chinese buffet tonight. Had a plate of food, but could have easily put more food on the plate, mostly by piling it up. Also, it was not a large plate, though bigger than a saucer. Went back a second time and took one bite each of three different things. Went back a third time and had one spare rib.
My question: Can I call this virtual plating and consider it a successful day, or is today a failure? The reason this feels important is that I have only one day more to go to join the 21-day club.
I will do what is the correct thing to do, but need advice, especially from you, Reinhard, if you read this. I appreciate any and all input, but yours feels like the final word.
Judy
Need absolution or exoneration . . . please.
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carolejo
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Hi Judy,
My ten cents worth:
I think that whether this was a success or a failure has more to do with the mental processes that go with it, than what actually happened.
Were you with a bunch of people where it would have looked bad to pile it up on that first plate?
Did you decide at the outset that the first plate was to be the only one?
Did you ultimately go much less 'crazy' and eat much less than you would have done pre-NoS?
If you had decided already before starting that you were going to have second and third rounds of the things you really liked rather than pile it all up to start with, then this was definately a success. If, however, you changed your own 'rules' and didn't stick to the plan, it's probably a failure.
Whatever you decide, there's still a great deal of merit in 19 or 20 days on habit at a stretch. 21 days is a tool / goal, not the be-all and end-all of the diet. Even if you didn't make it to 21 days at once this time, there's no rush to do so. You're going to try and eat like this for the rest of your life, so you have the rest of your life to get it right. Each day that is good is a day where you would otherwise not have done so well, so each day is a mini-success anyway.
As a final thought though:-
Do you feel you succeeded? If I had felt that I succeeded in this situation and had done my best to stick to it, then I (personally) would call this a 'success' with funny stuff and move on to the next day.
Best of Luck and don't tie yourself into too many knots over it. It's a 'micro' thing anyhow. Look after the Macro stuff and this is ultimately irrelevant.
C.
My ten cents worth:
I think that whether this was a success or a failure has more to do with the mental processes that go with it, than what actually happened.
Were you with a bunch of people where it would have looked bad to pile it up on that first plate?
Did you decide at the outset that the first plate was to be the only one?
Did you ultimately go much less 'crazy' and eat much less than you would have done pre-NoS?
If you had decided already before starting that you were going to have second and third rounds of the things you really liked rather than pile it all up to start with, then this was definately a success. If, however, you changed your own 'rules' and didn't stick to the plan, it's probably a failure.
Whatever you decide, there's still a great deal of merit in 19 or 20 days on habit at a stretch. 21 days is a tool / goal, not the be-all and end-all of the diet. Even if you didn't make it to 21 days at once this time, there's no rush to do so. You're going to try and eat like this for the rest of your life, so you have the rest of your life to get it right. Each day that is good is a day where you would otherwise not have done so well, so each day is a mini-success anyway.
As a final thought though:-
Do you feel you succeeded? If I had felt that I succeeded in this situation and had done my best to stick to it, then I (personally) would call this a 'success' with funny stuff and move on to the next day.
Best of Luck and don't tie yourself into too many knots over it. It's a 'micro' thing anyhow. Look after the Macro stuff and this is ultimately irrelevant.
C.
CaroleJo
My goodness. I think you're doing well, if this is the one and only bit of "funny stuff" you've had in your first 20 days!
I wouldn't sweat it. I've been doing this for several months now, with many successful days and several not-so-successful days. But then I don't like to think in terms of "failure"; I usually use the term "funny stuff" unless there is an outright crash and burn.
It sounds to me like this is a sound example of virtual plating. I'd let it go, and pat yourself on the back for not crashing and burning in a hostile environment! No Chinese Buffets on no-S days for this Freak!
I wouldn't sweat it. I've been doing this for several months now, with many successful days and several not-so-successful days. But then I don't like to think in terms of "failure"; I usually use the term "funny stuff" unless there is an outright crash and burn.
It sounds to me like this is a sound example of virtual plating. I'd let it go, and pat yourself on the back for not crashing and burning in a hostile environment! No Chinese Buffets on no-S days for this Freak!
JWL[.|@]Freakwitch[.]net
Understanding, decision, and growth
I have worked this out in my head to my satisfaction.
I am starting my 21 days over again. Getting into the 21-day club is not what this is about; it's about learning a new way of being around food.
I made several mistakes at the buffet tonight - "funny stuff" that was neither necessary nor enjoyable, and I knew better, having eaten at the same restaurant one NoS day last week, and having done it right.
I have learned a lot from this experience, and feel there is more growth and a more promising future if I start over. It's not as if I'm going to do anything different anyway - NoS remains NoS, S remains S - but I'm more aware now that I have to watch it - not make excuses or justify poor choices.
I feel 100% good about this decision.
Another good thing: I didn't go off and do more funny stuff after my lapse. Usually once I "break my diet", even with an extra slice of tomato, I'm off and running into full-fledged binge-land.
I think I'm growing up!
Judy
I am starting my 21 days over again. Getting into the 21-day club is not what this is about; it's about learning a new way of being around food.
I made several mistakes at the buffet tonight - "funny stuff" that was neither necessary nor enjoyable, and I knew better, having eaten at the same restaurant one NoS day last week, and having done it right.
I have learned a lot from this experience, and feel there is more growth and a more promising future if I start over. It's not as if I'm going to do anything different anyway - NoS remains NoS, S remains S - but I'm more aware now that I have to watch it - not make excuses or justify poor choices.
I feel 100% good about this decision.
Another good thing: I didn't go off and do more funny stuff after my lapse. Usually once I "break my diet", even with an extra slice of tomato, I'm off and running into full-fledged binge-land.
I think I'm growing up!
Judy
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carolejo
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Fantastic to hear. I think you made the right choice for sure, AND more importantly, for the right reasons and with the right attitude.
Go Judy! Don't worry, they'll hold you a place in the 21 days club. It's not going to close it's doors, that's for sure
...and when you get there, you'll know for real that you did it right, didn't cheat and learned a lot more about yourself and your relationship with food in the process.
C.
Go Judy! Don't worry, they'll hold you a place in the 21 days club. It's not going to close it's doors, that's for sure
...and when you get there, you'll know for real that you did it right, didn't cheat and learned a lot more about yourself and your relationship with food in the process.
C.
CaroleJo
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gratefuldeb67
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Judy... You sound really scared of screwing up... But you have been doing sooo great...
We all mess up a little sometimes, and, even more than a little, other times...
I'd say that you had a 75% great day and still should count it on your 21 days... But that's your choice..
Perfection isn't what this is about... No healthy diet should strive for 100 percent perfection because we are all human and minor messups occur..
This is why I hate Reinhards use of the word "Failure"...
It promotes an "All or nothing" attitude about perfection...
He is able to read that word and use it objectively, but most people feel like a failure when they say that... The truth is, even the fact that you are *thinking* about what you are eating, shows that you are making some kind of effort... Any effort is worth being proud of...
As far as the Chinese buffets...
I soooooo encourage you to only go there on S days so you can enjoy whatever you want with no guilt trips...
I could never handle a buffet on an N day... I know I'd want two plates of food... or at least that option~
In terms of NoS rules, the one plate rule means..
One plate, normal sized, not huge, but not a salad plate either, and no vertical stacking.... LOL..
Good luck with whatever decision you make...
You are doing wonderfully, so please pat yourself on the back for all your good work so far, and yet to come!
Love,
Deb
We all mess up a little sometimes, and, even more than a little, other times...
I'd say that you had a 75% great day and still should count it on your 21 days... But that's your choice..
Perfection isn't what this is about... No healthy diet should strive for 100 percent perfection because we are all human and minor messups occur..
This is why I hate Reinhards use of the word "Failure"...
It promotes an "All or nothing" attitude about perfection...
He is able to read that word and use it objectively, but most people feel like a failure when they say that... The truth is, even the fact that you are *thinking* about what you are eating, shows that you are making some kind of effort... Any effort is worth being proud of...
As far as the Chinese buffets...
I soooooo encourage you to only go there on S days so you can enjoy whatever you want with no guilt trips...
I could never handle a buffet on an N day... I know I'd want two plates of food... or at least that option~
In terms of NoS rules, the one plate rule means..
One plate, normal sized, not huge, but not a salad plate either, and no vertical stacking.... LOL..
Good luck with whatever decision you make...
You are doing wonderfully, so please pat yourself on the back for all your good work so far, and yet to come!
Love,
Deb-
gratefuldeb67
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Jammin' Jan
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I don't think that what you ate at one meal (which wasn't really all that bad anyway) determines whether the entire day was a failure, much less that 21 days were failures. That's a bigger load to put on one dinner plate than the little things you ate at the buffet! Your other meals were fine? No sugar? No snacking? Sounds like you are doing fine. Why penalize yourself for a couple of little items? For me, No-S is about finally relaxing over my food, not stressing over every little thing. That's diet mentality in my book.
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snazzybabe
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Judy,
It sounds like you've already made your decision, but here's my take for what it's worth.
The success/failure business is a tool, not and end. I tend to find it's helpful to be strict, because otherwise I'd gradually degenerate into "anything goes" murkiness.
What you describe was certainly not a disastrous failure, but that might actually make it easier. Calling it a "failure" is a show of virtue, in a way. It might even pep you up a bit. Better than calling it a success but not really believing it. At least, that's how my brain works.
Either way (but especially this way) you have my "exoneration."
Best,
Reinhard
It sounds like you've already made your decision, but here's my take for what it's worth.
The success/failure business is a tool, not and end. I tend to find it's helpful to be strict, because otherwise I'd gradually degenerate into "anything goes" murkiness.
What you describe was certainly not a disastrous failure, but that might actually make it easier. Calling it a "failure" is a show of virtue, in a way. It might even pep you up a bit. Better than calling it a success but not really believing it. At least, that's how my brain works.
Either way (but especially this way) you have my "exoneration."
Best,
Reinhard