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Is there any hope left? Eating disorder

 
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babybird



Joined: 05 Dec 2016
Posts: 69
Location: U.K

PostPosted: Mon Jun 19, 2017 11:40 pm    Post subject: Is there any hope left? Eating disorder Reply with quote

Started back in november. Stopped and started with good intentions. I just cant stop emotional eating to numb feelings/ distract myself from the reality of whts going on round me.

When im in the moment nothing seems to help. I feel like ive red so much on the topic ive exhausted myslef with ideas that just dont work.

Does anyone have tips/ advice. Ive reached the end of a long road and i see no way out.
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S days =one sweet thursday and sat only.

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Marina



Joined: 03 Jun 2017
Posts: 22
Location: Brazil

PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2017 3:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I deal with an eating disorder too. What helped me the most was psychoanalysis and not focusing on losing weight but on developing a healthier mindset when it comes to food. It's an ongoing process really and i'm still very overweight but i've stopped gaining and can now see a way out of the depressing daily binge eating and the feeling of numbness after eating so much

I believe there's no one way to do it. Each person has it's own experiences and comes up with diferent ways to cope.

Never stop believing there's hope. Sometimes the solution is not straightforward and we have to tackle not one but many aspects of our lives that are related to our eating disorder.
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bd88



Joined: 12 Jun 2017
Posts: 70

PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2017 12:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I also have an eating disorder (BED), and some things that have worked to distract me from the trance-like binge state that is usually triggered by any kind of emotion are crying if I need to, talking things out with a friend or loved one, writing/reading, meditation/yoga, and speaking positive affirmations about myself mainly surrounding the strength within me to confront my emotions without succumbing to harming my body.

I also believe that if you're in a fragile state, it might be best to transition into this. Based upon the S-days I have had, I would say that the single most important rule for me has been to eliminate snacks. And since I have a history of heavy restriction due to other EDs, allowing myself to eat a big, satisfying meal has been a life changer. Eliminating snacks and giving myself the permission to eat a normal sized meal at mealtimes has pretty much eliminated hunger - true or psychological - between meals, and when I have had a need for comfort food due to stress or other psychological issues, I know that my fulfilling meal is coming soon and that I can use one of my other strategies to make it to the meal. By that time, the urge to binge has usually lessened or dissipated completely and I enjoy the meal and that I am doing something good for my body by giving it both what it wants and needs and not binging.

I have also just begun this lifestyle change, and I know from past experience that when things are incredibly hard, sometimes I cannot avoid a binge no matter what I do. I think I have read that some people will then switch an N-day for an S-day in the cases where they don't eat according to N-day rules. I haven't had that come up yet, but I imagine that is what I would do since I know from experience beating myself up afterwards will only make it worse even though that is usually my first inclination.

Feel free to PM me anytime. I am still very new, and I wouldn't mind having an accountability buddy myself. Maybe we can support each other.
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Determined to break the diet mindset, confront my disordered eating, and embrace myself fully and unconditionally.
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MaggieMae



Joined: 01 Nov 2015
Posts: 515
Location: Ohio, USA

PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2017 2:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Baby bird, I also have a history of several eating disorders. Please,never give up! I have many days where I feel the same way you do right now. I can't tell you how many times I've restarted or had a streak of red days. I ate so much sugar today that I actually got nauseated. I'm far from perfect. I wish I had words of wisdom but I all I haveto offer is encouragement. Don't ever give up. I always enjiyed your posts. Youre a great part of our little no S family.
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8165
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 12:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There absolutely is hope. I used to be convinced I was helpless against emotional eating. Not only that, I also believed that I had a right to it. If life didn't go my way, at least I could give myself reliable pleasure. (That was true; I could, but it wouldn't get me what I really wanted.) And if life didn't go my way, I was also convinced by the IE crowd that if I resisted my desires, they would only get stronger and I would binge later even more. They implied that all my desires to overeat were emotionally based, and also implied that if I could figure out what the emotional problem was, I would magically be able to do something else besides eat to satisfy that emotional desire. (And I call it a desire and not a need, because I believe the concept of need for most things is debilitating.)

All wrong.

I gently say the first thing to do is consider saying, instead of I can't stop emotional eating, "I have not YET been very successful stopping emotional eating." This leaves the door open in your mind that you COULD do it, or at least get better at it. Don't force yourself to say it as if you really believe it now, but try to entertain it with calm curiosity.

Also, do you believe that everyone with any kind of dependency/attachment to a behavior is doomed to repeat it forever? I would bet that you don't. It can look bleak, and the odds might look bad, yet people do it, and there is a lot of effort all the time to find ways to combat it. And there is probably no really good reason you couldn't be one of the ones to have at least some success doing that.

I've got a ton on this topic, but I don't want to write my whole book here.

How are things, by the way? Have you had even a smidgeon of success at least delaying giving in to the random urge to eat?
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.


Last edited by oolala53 on Wed Jul 12, 2017 5:38 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Elyssa



Joined: 04 Jun 2017
Posts: 52
Location: Eastern USA

PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 12:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello Babybird:

Yes, where/how are you, and are you doing better? I can relate, and think a lot of us here can relate, to feeling "doomed" to overeating/going on binges forever. As Oolala said, "WRONG."
There is DEFINITELY help.

What helped me, as well, was to start to detach the notion of emotions/stress from the action of consuming food. I no longer believe that overeating/bingeing indicates that I have some sort of terrible emotional turmoil that I just cannot deal with. Instead, I believe that overeating/bingeing is an UNWANTED BEHAVIOR that I have come to associate with emotional issues, when the two are actually NOT forcibly linked.

Delaying the next binge can be a helpful behavior. Just building up a little window of time where you prove to yourself "see, I do NOT 'need' to eat right now. I was, and will be able to, WAIT and control the timing,"

Keep up hope & know that there is hope. I can very much relate to your desperation, but I am also certain you can get out of this trap.
YOU CAN DO IT! One little step makes a difference. ~ Elyssa
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Ahh... relief!

"No S" has become the life-changing answer to my agonizing questions around food...

Trust in the wisdom of structure.
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onemama



Joined: 11 Jun 2017
Posts: 19

PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 9:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another long-time ED sufferer here. I'm pushing 40 (I love to say that now!) and my disordered eating started when I was around 13-14, although I already remember sneaking cookies and candy when I was much younger. I've restricted food, binged and purged, binged and overexercised, just binged....

It's been a very long road and one full of bumps, but I'm learning from those bumps.

What has helped me, so far, has been to:

- throw out my scale. I don't know how much I weigh.
- throw out clothes that don't fit.
- live one day at a time. Yesterday, I ended up eating a lot more than planned for dinner but today is a new day and I have simply decided to have my regular meals, do my regular exercise, and not try to do penance for yesterday's sins.
- enjoy sweets and "special" foods (like pizza or hamburgers) in the company of loved ones. We all eat until we are satisfied and then the meal is over.
- not buying and keeping binge foods at home. I've shared my struggles with my husband and kids and have explained that it's best if we keep sweets and junk food out of the house during the week. It's ok to have them at the weekend. So far, that's only half-working...
- as Marina said, taking the focus off weight-loss and concentrating on eating habits instead, can help.
- finding ways to enjoy yourself that don't involve food and that involve other people. Loneliness seems to draw me to eating a lot more.
- allow yourself to eat a proper portion of food at mealtimes.

I've done NoS before, but never registered on here and never committed to keeping track of my eating patterns using the HabitCal. It was my 13-year-old´s comment "mama, you never sit down to eat a meal with us", that, once more, gave me pause. I don't want my kids to eat like I've done for so many years. I want to develop healthy eating patterns more than I want to lose the extra weight. I'm convinced that will come off when my body knows that I'm committed to feeding it regularly Smile

I agree with the others. There is hope. Don't give up. As a Christian, I hang onto lamentations 3:22-23 "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning;great is your faithfulness."
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1528

PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2017 6:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

onemama wrote:

- live one day at a time. Yesterday, I ended up eating a lot more than planned for dinner but today is a new day and I have simply decided to have my regular meals, do my regular exercise, and not try to do penance for yesterday's sins.
- enjoy sweets and "special" foods (like pizza or hamburgers) in the company of loved ones. We all eat until we are satisfied and then the meal is over.


Loved all your goals/action plan, but especially these--taking it one day at a time, each day is a new day, not beating yourself up for anything that happened on a previous day, really enjoying food together etc... Beautiful!


onemama wrote:

I agree with the others. There is hope. Don't give up. As a Christian, I hang onto lamentations 3:22-23 "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning;great is your faithfulness."


Amen.
_________________
Homeschool Mom and No S returnee as of 11-30-15.

28.5 lbs. down, 34.5 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.

"...slim cultures...value not overeating. They don't eat more of a food just because it's good. They enjoy the food more."--Oolala
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Whosonfirst



Joined: 16 Nov 2006
Posts: 265
Location: Pennsylvania-U.S.A.

PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2017 2:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

onemama wrote:
Another long-time ED sufferer here. I'm pushing 40 (I love to say that now!) and my disordered eating started when I was around 13-14, although I already remember sneaking cookies and candy when I was much younger. I've restricted food, binged and purged, binged and overexercised, just binged....

It's been a very long road and one full of bumps, but I'm learning from those bumps.

What has helped me, so far, has been to:

- throw out my scale. I don't know how much I weigh.
- throw out clothes that don't fit.
- live one day at a time. Yesterday, I ended up eating a lot more than planned for dinner but today is a new day and I have simply decided to have my regular meals, do my regular exercise, and not try to do penance for yesterday's sins.
- enjoy sweets and "special" foods (like pizza or hamburgers) in the company of loved ones. We all eat until we are satisfied and then the meal is over.
- not buying and keeping binge foods at home. I've shared my struggles with my husband and kids and have explained that it's best if we keep sweets and junk food out of the house during the week. It's ok to have them at the weekend. So far, that's only half-working...
- as Marina said, taking the focus off weight-loss and concentrating on eating habits instead, can help.
- finding ways to enjoy yourself that don't involve food and that involve other people. Loneliness seems to draw me to eating a lot more.
- allow yourself to eat a proper portion of food at mealtimes.

I've done NoS before, but never registered on here and never committed to keeping track of my eating patterns using the HabitCal. It was my 13-year-old´s comment "mama, you never sit down to eat a meal with us", that, once more, gave me pause. I don't want my kids to eat like I've done for so many years. I want to develop healthy eating patterns more than I want to lose the extra weight. I'm convinced that will come off when my body knows that I'm committed to feeding it regularly Smile

I agree with the others. There is hope. Don't give up. As a Christian, I hang onto lamentations 3:22-23 "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning;great is your faithfulness."


I think your highlighted quote is key, even though you say it's only half-working. Alcoholics trying to quit, don;t keep all their booze bottles sitting around just in case they need to take a snort. I totally understand the half-working comment especially when a spouse and children are also around. My personal thing to do was keep alternative healthy snacks available like some apples, or other fruit. Let's face it, not too many people slip up and eat a whole bag of apples, or at least I don't think they do. My apologies to babybird for high jacking her thread.
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Weekly goal = Five Green days in a row. I do a BMI check by looking in a mirror.
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8165
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2017 4:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

CBT has been shown to work well with disordered eaters, more so than most other strategies, including interpersonal therapy. I wish Judith Beck and her daughter would write a book on it, though it's possible that is not a specialty of theirs, and they seem to have a lot of integrity that way. But they do confront emotional eating, which they seem to distinguish from disordered eating. (They may have been referring to anorexics and bulemics when they said in their book The Diet Trap Solution that the approach was not complete enough for disordered eaters.)

Although No S allows all foods, any individual can modify for her own conditions.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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pinkhippie



Joined: 17 Mar 2010
Posts: 93

PostPosted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 5:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi babybird!

This is going to be very long... and as you can see, everyone has different ways of dealing with this issue. These are just my experiences. I feel like the end result is the same though, forming new habits and new pathways in the brain.

So, I have struggled with emotional eating my whole life, but feel I have come very far from where I used to be.

What books have you read? I actually found many of the IE books to be very helpful for me because it helped me focus on if I was actually hungry or just eating for other reasons besides hunger. I think for me one of the biggest things was learning to be aware of eating emotionally in the moment. I didn't have to NOT eat, I just had to be aware. This was much harder than it sounds. I realized I would always rationalize extra food to myself in the moment. I always had a very good reason that was NOT emotional eating. Every once in a while I would be mad and know it as I wolfed down chocolates, but usually I was just suddenly very "hungry" as I rummaged through my kitchen, eating several things in a row.

So, what helped me was to first stop feeling guilty. If you feel guilty and overweight after an emotional eating episode, you can't look at the reasons for your emotional eating because you get caught in a despair/plan a new diet spiral. So, I worked really hard on not feeling guilty. Once again much harder than it sounds. Then I looked back and tried to figure out what could be going on in my life that would trigger an eating episode. It's funny how oblivious I really was, but I guess I was using food to numb my emotions so I really didn't realize. Eventually I was able to start putting events together like " After my ex husband visits, I suddenly need an extra helping of dinner plus two desserts". Or "after I see my dad, I am suddenly ravenous."

Then over time I was able to really break down the emotional triggers, the core emotions of why I ate. I realized a huge one for me was anxiety. I was a very anxious person! I had never realized that before because I medicated myself with food. I started reading books about relaxing and meditating, drinking chamomile tea, and taking time to myself. I also realized another reason I ate was to soothe myself and take care of myself. In a crazy chaotic family where I was the main caregiver to 3 kids, gulping Oreos secretly in the pantry while I was making dinner was my idea of self care. So, I started taking care of myself in other ways, making myself and my feelings a priority. I realized I never really expressed my emotions and feelings to my husband. *this was a big one* And I just ate every negative emotion down. I started expressing my feelings and my NEEDS. I recognized that my needs were actually important and I started treating myself like my needs were important.

I did all that and it was still difficult to not emotionally eat, but gradually over time I came to realize that food really didn't fix anything at all for me. It didn't really take care of me, or give me time to myself, or make my angry feelings go away, it just buried them. I wanted to grow as a person so I started trying to feel my feelings instead of eat them. This was actually hard and scary at first and I had to realize my emotions were not going to hurt me. At first it was really hard and I could only do it after I ate. Eventually I got to a point where sometimes I would get the urge to emotionally eat and then I just wouldn't. I was able to recognize that I was not physically hungry and then work through the emotion or recognize the emotion but not necessarily have to work through it, without eating. I realized that just because I thought about food, didn't mean that I had to eat it. This was actually HUGE for me. I think that was the breakthrough moment for me regarding emotional eating. I also had to go through a mourning period, where I was sad that eating could no longer make me feel better, not for real. It could fleetingly help me escape emotions and problems but all those problems and feelings were still there when I was done with the food, and I wasn't treating myself well. As I began to care more about myself and how I felt, I began to notice that overeating felt bad. It hurt my stomach and made me feel sleepy. I started eating less just because I wanted to feel good. This was all such a long process, but it was so very worth it. I still work on it every day but I continue to improve and grow and it has become a lot easier. I still will have that urge to eat sometimes when I am driving home from work or something stressful is happening in my personal life, but I now recognize if for what it is and I am able to dismiss the food thought with relative ease.

I haven't seen you post in a while, but if you do return, please know we are here for you. This is such a wonderful and supportive community. I found and find that the structure of No S is really helpful with emotional eating because when you give yourself only 3 set times a day to eat good filling meals, you get to get in touch with your body's hunger and feel the difference between eating when you are not hungry versus eating when you are hungry. And then, its easier to recognize the urges to eat between meals when you are not physically hungry as emotional eating.

So the very very very very long answer to your question is YES! There is hope!!! Smile
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8165
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 5:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was terrific!

I have to add that for me, after awhile, emotions were not the only reason I ate compulsively. It may have been at one time, say, at a certain time of day, but then it just started being a habit to do it then, even if there was nothing going on. Then the qualities of the hyperpalatable foods themselves drove the behavior.

I agree that you have to find a way not to panic or whip yourself afterwards. This is SO hard because there is so much cultural acceptance that eating is doing something evil because it might lead to not being desirable to men and being thin is part of that. And it's almost tantamount to saying a person is worthless if s/he is not attractive to the opposite sex. It's like we can't stand to think it. It probably comes from very old biological programming. It's just a big mess.

But we can break the bonds to food, even if we don't have the rest of it perfect.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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pinkhippie



Joined: 17 Mar 2010
Posts: 93

PostPosted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 5:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

oolala53 wrote:
That was terrific!

I have to add that for me, after awhile, emotions were not the only reason I ate compulsively. It may have been at one time, say, at a certain time of day, but then it just started being a habit to do it then, even if there was nothing going on. Then the qualities of the hyperpalatable foods themselves drove the behavior.

I agree that you have to find a way not to panic or whip yourself afterwards. This is SO hard because there is so much cultural acceptance that eating is doing something evil because it might lead to not being desirable to men and being thin is part of that. And it's almost tantamount to saying a person is worthless if s/he is not attractive to the opposite sex. It's like we can't stand to think it. It probably comes from very old biological programming. It's just a big mess.

But we can break the bonds to food, even if we don't have the rest of it perfect.


Thank you! Smile

That is a good point about habit or certain time of day. Rather than say emotional eating perhaps a better term would be eating for reasons other than physical hunger. I know I still often have an urge to eat when I walk through the door of my house. It doesn't matter what time it is or if I'm hungry or not. A very old ingrained habit for sure. And desert after every meal was a habit for sure. A VERY hard one to break, that was initially started due to wanting to wind down after a stressful day, but kept on going even when I wasn't stressed anymore. One more wonderful thing about No S, it helps to change old habits and form new ones.

It is really hard to not beat yourself up. I think the cultural pressure on women especially is astronomical.
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1528

PostPosted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 5:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

pinkhippie wrote:
In a crazy chaotic family where I was the main caregiver to 3 kids, gulping Oreos secretly in the pantry while I was making dinner was my idea of self care. So, I started taking care of myself in other ways, making myself and my feelings a priority.


Your whole post resonated with me in several ways--what an excellent post! But especially this idea of eating = self-care, and not getting hung-up on guilt.

I approached my journey the opposite way. I had previously tried a diet approach that focused on identifying emotions and emotional eating and only eating when truly hungry, and I felt very burnt out on that idea. I recognized my over-eating as a combination of emotional-eating, self-care, coping with stress, boredom busting, habit...a lot of things. Focusing on emotional eating made me feel guilty and like a failure--I wasn't able to move past that like you did (maybe because I didn't have the structural support No-S gives!). This time around when I tried No-S, I decided to free myself from thinking about those things at all. No guilt, no coercion--it didn't matter why I wanted to eat, it only mattered if it was time to eat. I felt freed from carrying that burden of "figuring out why" by just following the structure.

But as I "rested" in just following the structure of No-S, over time I came to understand and recognize the reasons I would overeat, and what things triggered that desire. No-S established what real hunger was for me first--and then all the other reasons started revealing themselves.

What struck me as I read your post though, was that I have come to think of No-S as representing self-care, and that's one of the reasons I stick with it over time. It's not immediate like eating is, but it's a powerful association--and overall a much healthier form of "self-care" because it really is self-care.
_________________
Homeschool Mom and No S returnee as of 11-30-15.

28.5 lbs. down, 34.5 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.

"...slim cultures...value not overeating. They don't eat more of a food just because it's good. They enjoy the food more."--Oolala
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8165
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 6:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love the concept of eating only from hunger, but it isn't how traditional cultures manage food. I only say it because it can become the new guilt trip and also be anxiety-provoking because the body may not be hungry but a part of ourselves is wondering when that next meal is coming. I for one can sometimes go 36 hours without a hunger pang (I tested it ONCE) but I'm not willing to.

But getting to the point at which we feel some genuine hunger for at least one meal a day is a lovely thing, IMHO, and very useful for those dealing with compulsive eating, though it might not be goal number one. I myself think consistent "feeding" is a better first step.

But getting over guilt is probably even bigger because it is very hard to work on changing anything when we are trying to serve a harsh taskmaster. I liked that No S allowed me to grapple with that while also assuaging the fear of overfeeding or underfeeding.

Ok, enough from me!

I wonder if babybird is seeing any of this...

Maybe it all seems too hopeless and overwhelming right now. I've been there, too! I wish there was a predictable way to speed up readiness, but I'm pretty sure NO ONE has the skinny-yeah, I'm leaving that-on that.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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pinkhippie



Joined: 17 Mar 2010
Posts: 93

PostPosted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 2:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Merry wrote:
pinkhippie wrote:
In a crazy chaotic family where I was the main caregiver to 3 kids, gulping Oreos secretly in the pantry while I was making dinner was my idea of self care. So, I started taking care of myself in other ways, making myself and my feelings a priority.


Your whole post resonated with me in several ways--what an excellent post! But especially this idea of eating = self-care, and not getting hung-up on guilt.

I approached my journey the opposite way. I had previously tried a diet approach that focused on identifying emotions and emotional eating and only eating when truly hungry, and I felt very burnt out on that idea. I recognized my over-eating as a combination of emotional-eating, self-care, coping with stress, boredom busting, habit...a lot of things. Focusing on emotional eating made me feel guilty and like a failure--I wasn't able to move past that like you did (maybe because I didn't have the structural support No-S gives!). This time around when I tried No-S, I decided to free myself from thinking about those things at all. No guilt, no coercion--it didn't matter why I wanted to eat, it only mattered if it was time to eat. I felt freed from carrying that burden of "figuring out why" by just following the structure.

But as I "rested" in just following the structure of No-S, over time I came to understand and recognize the reasons I would overeat, and what things triggered that desire. No-S established what real hunger was for me first--and then all the other reasons started revealing themselves.

What struck me as I read your post though, was that I have come to think of No-S as representing self-care, and that's one of the reasons I stick with it over time. It's not immediate like eating is, but it's a powerful association--and overall a much healthier form of "self-care" because it really is self-care.


I really agree with you that the self care aspect is so important. When I was trying to white knuckle my way through not eating at night, or not eating desserts, I realized that I couldn't give it up because it was pretty much the only nice thing I did for myself in my life at that time and one of the things I looked forward to the most. Of course I couldn't give it up!

I also had a similar experience with No S and emotional eating, but I had to work through a lot of my issues and become aware before I could make it stick. Otherwise I would just give up and say "never mind!! I don't care anymore, give me the ice cream." I think establishing real hunger is so so important because even to this day, strong emotion feels like hunger to me.
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pinkhippie



Joined: 17 Mar 2010
Posts: 93

PostPosted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 2:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

oolala53 wrote:
I love the concept of eating only from hunger, but it isn't how traditional cultures manage food. I only say it because it can become the new guilt trip and also be anxiety-provoking because the body may not be hungry but a part of ourselves is wondering when that next meal is coming. I for one can sometimes go 36 hours without a hunger pang (I tested it ONCE) but I'm not willing to.

But getting to the point at which we feel some genuine hunger for at least one meal a day is a lovely thing, IMHO, and very useful for those dealing with compulsive eating, though it might not be goal number one. I myself think consistent "feeding" is a better first step.

But getting over guilt is probably even bigger because it is very hard to work on changing anything when we are trying to serve a harsh taskmaster. I liked that No S allowed me to grapple with that while also assuaging the fear of overfeeding or underfeeding.

Ok, enough from me!

I wonder if babybird is seeing any of this...

Maybe it all seems too hopeless and overwhelming right now. I've been there, too! I wish there was a predictable way to speed up readiness, but I'm pretty sure NO ONE has the skinny-yeah, I'm leaving that-on that.


I love the concept of eating only from hunger too, but like I said earlier, too many things still mask themselves as hunger. That is the beauty of no s. You eat when its time to eat, and usually because I have such long breaks between meals, I am hungry and my food tastes declicious! I love that. Compulsively overeating, the food never tastes that good to me.

Hope babybird is seeing this at some point.
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8165
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 6:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I distinguish between hunger and desire. They're quite clear for me. I know most people lump them together and it muddies the water. (Some people literally can't tell the difference. They REALLY need No S and a divided plate.) Most of the time people say they're hungry, they're basically just "jonesing." I have literally never been hungry for sugary foods. I've eaten them when I was hungry, but rarely, and they weren't what I really wanted. I want something savory then. But I've eaten tons of sweets when I wasn't hungry! It's almost a prerequisite for wanting them, to not actually be hungry, for me.

I posted on babybird's thread, too. Fly home, babybird!
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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babybird



Joined: 05 Dec 2016
Posts: 69
Location: U.K

PostPosted: Thu Jul 20, 2017 10:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello again my lovely no S family!
Wow. I'm truly touched by all the detailed responses you have given. Each and everyone one of you understands this emotional eating issue. My desire at the end of my perosnal journey is to put eating in it's correct place. I just turned 35 and I've wasted too much of my life concerned about my weight/ body shape/ etc etc.

My eating issues ( initially bulimia) arose when I was 13. I sought help from the school nurse who in turn told me to inform my parents so they could help me. I informed my mum who stated she knew I was making myself sick and didn't discuss it with me again. I have a narcissistic mother who was very physically/ emotionally abusive. Looking back I spent my life using food to stop feeling any negative emotions. Even now when I have an instant hunger pang I think back to what was on my mind, and it's always something trivially small but a negative emotion such as being worried about something so minuscule it barely registers with my conscious mind.

I realised last month after I posted this thread I couldn't go on dealing with this issue alone as I was close to self harming due to anger and hatred at not being able to control my eating. I spoke openly to my husband about how badly it was effecting me and I've been to see my doctor who had referrred me to an eating disorder specialist.

I just get angry that my childhood was rough, but I have a blessed family life now in every way. A great partner, no worries or concerns in life which is what most people dream off. Yet I can't control my eating. My doctor said she thought I was punishing myself with food. Anyhow I await an appointment and will start working on the deep rooted issues I have. I will be throwing away the scales too. I've just decided that whilst typing this. The irony is since I found the NO S plan in November I've only gained 2 pounds despite all the binges. Well I will determine my successes by how many days I can be binge free rather than what the scales say.

Until then I have decided after going back and forth. I will continue with the No s 3 meals a day plan - no food in between not even fruit as I previously experimented with.
I never really gave up on NO S as I know it's honestly the only structure that can help gain control.
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S days =one sweet thursday and sat only.

Been one year almost aiming for 21day challenge
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8165
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 20, 2017 10:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sorry you have so much that's rough to look back on but it does sound like you've come through it very well. Be very careful of ascribing a lot of negative meaning to binges. If there are painful issues to deal with, please do, but there are physiological reasons people binge, too, most of it just habit after a few sessions spurred by other things. I've seen people get themselves in a loop where they are convinced that they can't break the bond unless they unravel the issues or that they're doomed to repeat the mistake. You can start reducing bingeing right now just by recognizing what it's costing you in the present and future and thinking differently about how hopeless it is. The habit responds to resistance and would likely bolster emotional healing.

(People who are told they are helpless against their addiction are actually more likely to relapse than those who aren't. Am I a broken record?)
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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MaggieMae



Joined: 01 Nov 2015
Posts: 515
Location: Ohio, USA

PostPosted: Fri Jul 21, 2017 12:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you so much for sharing with us baby bird. I'm so proud of you for taking the step of seeking help. That's amazing. Please keep us updated on how things go with the ED specialist.
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8165
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Fri Jul 21, 2017 1:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes! I meant to say thanks for coming back to comment. I often worry that people don't get in touch because they're feeling too discouraged or ashamed.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1528

PostPosted: Fri Jul 21, 2017 3:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

MaggieMae wrote:
Thank you so much for sharing with us baby bird. I'm so proud of you for taking the step of seeking help. That's amazing. Please keep us updated on how things go with the ED specialist.


Yes, absolutely! Let us know how we can support and encourage you. So proud of you for taking the steps needed to seek help.
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Homeschool Mom and No S returnee as of 11-30-15.

28.5 lbs. down, 34.5 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.

"...slim cultures...value not overeating. They don't eat more of a food just because it's good. They enjoy the food more."--Oolala
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babybird



Joined: 05 Dec 2016
Posts: 69
Location: U.K

PostPosted: Wed Jul 26, 2017 4:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks merry and everyone else for your constant support. It means so much. I cant always post and offer encouragement yet as i have my hands full with a wild toddler. I plan to be around on the NO S site for as long as possible and hope to offer others the same guidance and advice that has helped me.

Ive mentioned before im not on any social media. Not FB/ snapchat etc. Nothing!! No s is the only place i post online. I enjoy reading others posts and this site has been beyond helpful.
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S days =one sweet thursday and sat only.

Been one year almost aiming for 21day challenge
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babybird



Joined: 05 Dec 2016
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Location: U.K

PostPosted: Wed Jul 26, 2017 4:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Would like to ask for advice plz-

For those who know about me and my erratic eating. Im feeling much better and the binges have refuced significantly since following vanilla nos s. I know its only been a few days.

Should i start getting weighed or should i monitor my progress by looking at how many binge free days i have per month
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pinkhippie



Joined: 17 Mar 2010
Posts: 93

PostPosted: Wed Jul 26, 2017 4:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Baby bird. I can really relate to your post. I also have a narcissistic mother with a host of other mental issues, including an eating disorder. And I also have a wonderful supportive family now with my husband and my kids.

I have done a lot of work there and I am still amazed to this day how such a tiny miniscule thought or emotion can make me want to eat.

Glad you are seeking some help and continuing to stick around here!

Good luck with the wild toddler. Been there too. That is a time when stress eating for me was the hardest to combat.

Thanks for checking in again! Smile
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pinkhippie



Joined: 17 Mar 2010
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 26, 2017 4:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

babybird wrote:
Would like to ask for advice plz-

For those who know about me and my erratic eating. Im feeling much better and the binges have refuced significantly since following vanilla nos s. I know its only been a few days.

Should i start getting weighed or should i monitor my progress by looking at how many binge free days i have per month


I think we were posting at the same time. I think weighing is a tricky thing that is highly individual. If after you weigh yourself you find yourself having a harder time following no s and bingeing more than I would say not to weigh yourself.

I know when I don't weigh myself I find it hard at first and then feel very free and more able to focus on my hunger levels rather than how much I "should" eat. Hopefully someone will be along with better advice soon.
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1528

PostPosted: Fri Jul 28, 2017 4:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

pinkhippie wrote:

I think weighing is a tricky thing that is highly individual. If after you weigh yourself you find yourself having a harder time following no s and bingeing more than I would say not to weigh yourself.

I know when I don't weigh myself I find it hard at first and then feel very free and more able to focus on my hunger levels rather than how much I "should" eat. Hopefully someone will be along with better advice soon.


I agree that it's really a personal decision to weigh or not to, and how often. Honestly, since it's been such a short time, I really like the idea of just continuing as you have been and letting the habit get established.

I weigh daily because I find it less discouraging to know all along whether I'm making progress than to be blindsided by a weight once a week or once a month (that may not even be a good representation)--and the daily ups and downs don't really bother me. Overall, I find it encouraging. But some people get really discouraged by it and it can make them want to give up if the scale doesn't give a good reading--and that's when it's not a good thing.

Reinhard recommends weighing once a month but taking several days and averaging them to avoid the issue of a fluky weight measurement--so that's an option too.
_________________
Homeschool Mom and No S returnee as of 11-30-15.

28.5 lbs. down, 34.5 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.

"...slim cultures...value not overeating. They don't eat more of a food just because it's good. They enjoy the food more."--Oolala
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babybird



Joined: 05 Dec 2016
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Location: U.K

PostPosted: Mon Jul 31, 2017 6:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the advice, ive decide to weigh in once a week on thursdays.

I am pleased to post that im feeling so much more postive and comitted to the plan. Im still having countless urges to eat every day, but when i think back at when my last meal was i realise i cant be hungry and the urge passes.

Im already feeling less bloated. Even if i lose 2 pounds a month i will be happy, this is such a relaxed unobrusive way of eating.
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S days =one sweet thursday and sat only.

Been one year almost aiming for 21day challenge
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8165
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2017 3:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's fine to weigh, but I gently suggest trying making behaviors the more important measure of success. Just try to imagine: would it be okay with you to have a consistent binge habit if you were thin?

I'm so glad for you're accepting that you can have urges but be willing to just stick to your meals. Very Happy
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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babybird



Joined: 05 Dec 2016
Posts: 69
Location: U.K

PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2017 10:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi oolala53,
I understand what you're saying. I would like to control binge urges. This should eventually lead me to lose weight. But losing weight is ultimately what brought me to this website and way of eating. As I'm not majorly overweight I do worry if I will see the scale moving.

I have enjoyed the plan this previous week but it's getting rid of that diet mentality as it creeps up me everyday telling me to tweak my meals. I haven't and will try not to as that's what took me off plan last time when I tried meal replacement shake and constricted what I ate at meals.
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S days =one sweet thursday and sat only.

Been one year almost aiming for 21day challenge
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babybird



Joined: 05 Dec 2016
Posts: 69
Location: U.K

PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2017 5:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Had a session with the clinical psychologist who will be doing CBT with me. Having evaluated my eating habits/ childhood/ self-esteem she also concluded I was slightly depressed. She said I'm using Food to distract myself from whatever it is that's upsetting me at the time. She also said that chemical/ hormonal imbalance may come into play and this is what we will be working on.

I was a little anxious about what to expect but I'm so glad to have made the decision to get the binge eating sorted out once and for all. I know most posters on NO S do very well following the rules and I've tried since last year. Hopefully when my head gets sorted it will easier to stick with vanilla no S as it's still a daily challenge ignoring urges to binge.
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S days =one sweet thursday and sat only.

Been one year almost aiming for 21day challenge
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8165
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Thu Aug 17, 2017 11:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No matter what the reasons are, you can limit your eating even if the other conditions don't change. You can be slightly depressed, anxious, stressed, etc. and still stick to a meal plan. You can have desires, urges, and hunger and STILL stick to a plan.

I don't mean to undermine your therapist but there are lots of other reasons a person might feel urges to eat. DO work on your issues and see if that's enough, but even people without a lot of "stuff" can be caught by food.

You can erode the bond caused by emotional ties to overeating by healing the emotions but just not doing it goes a long way, too.

Just keep going!
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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