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Allison's Summer check-in

 
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2017 7:13 pm    Post subject: Allison's Summer check-in Reply with quote

Time to start my summer check-in and re-listen to podcasts. My weight is still going up, so I am at a spot that I'm going to count calories along with No S. I have never ever weighed this much (except when around 6 months pregnant). I obviously need far fewer calories after menopause and no more babies and toddlers to chase around. (I work out 5 days a week always consistently on treadclimber or maxtrainer).
My No S has been a little more lax lately, mostly due to watermelon/cantaloupe season. But my ice-cream fixation has really gone down after doing a 21 day NO ICE CREAM. My next goal is to do a 21 day NO sweets at all.
Also I keep experimenting about writing my food down on here each day or not. I really do better when I write it down. Otherwise a little bite of something goes by unnoticed. I definitely need to get my No S strictness back on track AND step up my fence around the law.
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2017 7:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

B- Protein bar, more coffee than usual, watermelon
L/D- Taco salad, no bowl eating, chips (brought leftovers home for d)

Ok, yay! I did well for the rest of the day. I was tempted by crunchy Cheetos, and now dh begging me to try his burger. Slightly hungry but hoping to start enjoying this feeling lol Mr. Green


Last edited by Allisonmeg on Thu Jun 22, 2017 9:08 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1523

PostPosted: Thu Jun 22, 2017 3:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome to your summer check-in! I hope it goes well for you. Maybe calorie counting for awhile will help you get an idea of a good plate size for the future. (I've found that I had to go to smaller plates for most meals--I definitely don't eat like I did when I was younger, LOL! Sometimes that's hard to remember!)
_________________
Homeschool Mom and No S returnee as of 11-30-15.

28.5 lbs. down, 34.5 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.

"...slim cultures...value not overeating. They don't eat more of a food just because it's good. They enjoy the food more."--Oolala
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2017 6:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm still here, just not posting too much (as dd has online classes on this computer). Felt the need to write because I had a big late night binge last night. No good excuses, well there never is....as always dh left on a trip yesterday and I had big sneak-fest. Still did that without tripping up my 21 day conquest of no sweets. And then trying to compensate today, I've managed to eat White Cheddar popcorn and Ritz crackers through the day. All in all, a very Embarassed RED Embarassed 24hrs. Now I'm about to stuff my bloated self into a bathing suit and take the boys to the pool, ughhhhhh! Shocked

Last edited by Allisonmeg on Sun Jul 02, 2017 11:12 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Sun Jul 02, 2017 2:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

July
Su Mo Tu W Th Fr Sa
02 03 04 05 06 07 08
09 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30 31


Last edited by Allisonmeg on Thu Jul 06, 2017 11:59 pm; edited 2 times in total
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8159
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 9:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

July will be better! Do you think the no sweets precipitated the fails? Or more just the old sneak habit? I spent several days with a friend recently- I'm hardly ever around people for days at a time. I found myself thinking of really chowing down when I was on my own, which happened a fair amount because her need for sleep is much greater than mine. But it was also when she'd take a shower. It felt so silly! She wouldn't have cared a feather if I had eaten when she was awake so there was no reason to feel like I had to eat secretly. It was just old tapes.

Then again, I've come to believe we can't really always know why we do things, and the remedy is pretty much the same. Stick it out and wait for the next meal!
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1523

PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2017 6:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hope you enjoyed your time at the pool with your boys. Nothing can replace these days with our kids--just focus on what a treasure it is to be with them and don't worry about weight or swimsuits.
_________________
Homeschool Mom and No S returnee as of 11-30-15.

28.5 lbs. down, 34.5 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.

"...slim cultures...value not overeating. They don't eat more of a food just because it's good. They enjoy the food more."--Oolala
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Fri Jul 07, 2017 12:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you guys, it's been an interesting couple of days. I'm gearing up to take my daughter to her 2 day orientation class for college in a few more days. Been doing half way decent of eating. Still no sweets, messed up a bit having chips with my Mexican.
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8159
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Fri Jul 07, 2017 2:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not bad.

Seems early to be going off for orientation, but what an exciting time! All these years later I still have fond memories.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 1:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My No S friends, my 17 year old died on Thursday. I feel like you all have been with me through all the tough times. Here's her obituary page:

http://www.pierce-jeffersonfuneralservice.com/notices/Alyssa-Gardella
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Whosonfirst



Joined: 16 Nov 2006
Posts: 263
Location: Pennsylvania-U.S.A.

PostPosted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 1:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My deepest condolences. I can't imagine what you're going through now. Much love.
_________________
Weekly goal = Five Green days in a row. I do a BMI check by looking in a mirror.
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1523

PostPosted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 4:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh Allison, ((((Hugs)))) What a beautiful young woman. I'm so sorry. There are no words. Heartbreaking. Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad I'm praying for you and your family.
_________________
Homeschool Mom and No S returnee as of 11-30-15.

28.5 lbs. down, 34.5 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.

"...slim cultures...value not overeating. They don't eat more of a food just because it's good. They enjoy the food more."--Oolala
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gingerpie



Joined: 06 Apr 2014
Posts: 885
Location: Pennsylvania, US

PostPosted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 12:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My deepest sympathies to you and your family. She was indeed a beautiful and talented girl.
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LifeisaBlessing



Joined: 02 Jun 2016
Posts: 293

PostPosted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 1:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sympathy and prayers for all of your family. Sad
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I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.

~Jimmy Dean
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ladybird30



Joined: 07 May 2017
Posts: 75

PostPosted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was so sorry to hear of your loss. Please accept my sympathies.

Ladybird
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Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right
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Jen1974



Joined: 09 Mar 2016
Posts: 274
Location: Colorado

PostPosted: Mon Jul 17, 2017 5:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm so sorry Allison!!
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Thu Jul 20, 2017 10:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't even know what to say about the last few days, but thank you for the kind words. It's so hard.
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8159
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 20, 2017 10:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My chest and stomach went completely hollow when I read your message. I wish there was a way to enfold you in comfort. May your family be healed soon.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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TexArk



Joined: 27 Dec 2008
Posts: 697
Location: Foothills of the Ozarks

PostPosted: Fri Jul 21, 2017 11:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just saw this post and my heart aches for you. I pray you have a good support group to surround you and hold you close.
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Thu Aug 03, 2017 2:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm back. It's been 3 weeks so I'm going to try and join back in. Eating for once, hasn't actually been an issue. But I know it will be very soon and this is the only social outlet I have.
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Whosonfirst



Joined: 16 Nov 2006
Posts: 263
Location: Pennsylvania-U.S.A.

PostPosted: Thu Aug 03, 2017 6:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Allison, my thoughts have been with you and I'm glad to see you're back. Trace
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Weekly goal = Five Green days in a row. I do a BMI check by looking in a mirror.
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splandrea



Joined: 09 Jul 2017
Posts: 63
Location: Northern California

PostPosted: Thu Aug 03, 2017 9:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think about you daily as well. (((((hugs)))))
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07/01/17: 255
Current: 240
Aiming for 180. We shall see...
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gingerpie



Joined: 06 Apr 2014
Posts: 885
Location: Pennsylvania, US

PostPosted: Thu Aug 03, 2017 9:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm glad you came back and I'm especially glad that you find the forum a comforting outlet.
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osoniye



Joined: 22 May 2010
Posts: 1218
Location: Horn of Africa

PostPosted: Mon Aug 07, 2017 6:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi there Sweetie, I am so, so sorry! That is heart breaking. No words are enough. God be with you.
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-Sonya
No Added Sugar. No Snacks and No Seconds, Except (Sometimes) on days that start with "S".
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Tue Aug 08, 2017 12:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you everyone. I'm still here, just being more of a lurker lately. Thursday will be 4 weeks and also the day we were supposed to move her into her college dorm. We're on a food train, so I am surrounded by food. Last night someone brought over baked manicotti and it's the first thing I've really eaten with some gusto.
I also had several visitors from my side of the family yesterday. I think I'm feeling better today just because I got them out of the way. We'll see where the day leads. I woke up feeling better than I have. I just have to keep telling myself she's finally at peace.
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osoniye



Joined: 22 May 2010
Posts: 1218
Location: Horn of Africa

PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2017 12:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You lurk all you want, Allison. I'm glad you're still checking in here, and that you feel a little bit better just now. Do what you need to do to take care of you!
_________________
-Sonya
No Added Sugar. No Snacks and No Seconds, Except (Sometimes) on days that start with "S".
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Thu Aug 10, 2017 12:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

B- Special K cereal w/ strawberries
L- small bowl Stouffer's mac n cheese

3pm- I completely forgot I officially was starting NoS back and polished off a leftover ice cream sundae my daughter made for the boys. I had just finished working out too. I have to go back and reread my old posts about why NoS is so important when things really go downhill. It once again feels superficial to be writing about my food intake, but I know that my food issues go way deeper than what's on the fork. For me to lose control of my eating habits now would make the rest of my life continue to spiral. As it is now, my mind does not stop going, does not stop asking why or what I could've done differently; it just never stops. For me to have one little aspect in focus is what I have to strive for.
I will get back on track today and start a new day tomorrow.

(and thank you Sonya, I appreciate it Smile )
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Mon Aug 14, 2017 2:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

One month ago today. I was good all day and fell apart mid-afternoon. Hubby and I went out for first time since it all happened a month ago last night. Boyfriend's mom asked to get together Tuesday. I'm scared to but also think its necessary
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1523

PostPosted: Mon Aug 14, 2017 5:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's good to see you back again. I hope the meeting with her boyfriend's parents goes well. My heart just aches for you but I too am glad that we can be a bit of a social outlet for you. Know that we care. (((Hugs))), praying for you.
_________________
Homeschool Mom and No S returnee as of 11-30-15.

28.5 lbs. down, 34.5 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.

"...slim cultures...value not overeating. They don't eat more of a food just because it's good. They enjoy the food more."--Oolala
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gingerpie



Joined: 06 Apr 2014
Posts: 885
Location: Pennsylvania, US

PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2017 10:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll be thinking of you today. I hope all goes well with your meeting.

Kind regards,
Virginia
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8159
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2017 3:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm humbled that we can be of any help, but I agree about the value of the social outlet here. I don't think anyone can predict when the thoughts will calm down, but I think your thinking strategy is wise and it makes perfect sense to me to use a food routine for a foundation. Big hugs.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Thu Aug 17, 2017 6:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for all the kind words. My mind has calmed down a bit these last few days and meeting with her boyfriend's mom was very good. He started college yesterday (where my daughter was going with him) and has been texting me throughout the move. My husband left on a quick 2-day trip, the first he's worked since July 1st, and it's been very peaceful having a lazy day. Yesterday marked the end of the food train set up for us, which is also nice knowing I don't have to be ready for the doorbell to ring.
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noni



Joined: 27 Feb 2009
Posts: 587

PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2017 1:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Allison, I just saw this. I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. May God be a comfort to you and your family.
_________________
"Never go back for seconds. Get it all the first time." - Garfield
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Thu Aug 31, 2017 12:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So to just add to the last few weeks, my 4 year old broke his arm rather badly and has to have surgery tomorrow. I'm a nervous wreck. I think this was the straw that finally broke hubby. First time I've seen him cry since funeral

Last edited by Allisonmeg on Tue Sep 05, 2017 9:26 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Larkspur



Joined: 06 Mar 2017
Posts: 275
Location: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Thu Aug 31, 2017 1:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh Allison. I'm so sorry. I hope your little man heals up soon.
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8159
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 1:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A lot going on. Big hugs. Hope September is a healing time.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1523

PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 2:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh my goodness! Praying for your sweet little son--I hope the surgery goes well. Praying for you all--for courage, perseverance, comfort--that God would sustain you in this time of engulfing grief. (((Hugs)))
_________________
Homeschool Mom and No S returnee as of 11-30-15.

28.5 lbs. down, 34.5 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.

"...slim cultures...value not overeating. They don't eat more of a food just because it's good. They enjoy the food more."--Oolala
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 9:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for the prayers and hugs. He did great. It was very hard watching him go through it, but in a way it helped tamp down my grief over my daughter a bit. He got two pins going the length of both arm bones. He'll have to be put back under to get them out, but he's in no pain at all. I promise I'll get back on here soon and start No S ing in earnest. Little guy started preschool back today so I am extremely thankful to get back into a routine. I'm trying to keep my mind busy and just keep remembering that she's at peace now.
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8159
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2017 3:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't feel obligated to us! Glad you'll be having a different routine. Kudos to your little one! It's such a boon that there's no pain for him. Big hugs.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1523

PostPosted: Fri Sep 08, 2017 5:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm so glad the surgery went well and that he's not in pain!! I hope he enjoys preschool.
_________________
Homeschool Mom and No S returnee as of 11-30-15.

28.5 lbs. down, 34.5 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.

"...slim cultures...value not overeating. They don't eat more of a food just because it's good. They enjoy the food more."--Oolala
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Mon Sep 18, 2017 4:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Things are going pretty good. I'm definitely on an upward path this week. Little guy doing great in his cast. Everybody adjusting to school ok.
Eating nicely noS on this Monday.
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Larkspur



Joined: 06 Mar 2017
Posts: 275
Location: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Mon Sep 18, 2017 7:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So glad to hear your little boy is doing well with his cast. I hope you are taking good care of yourself too.
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8159
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Mon Sep 18, 2017 11:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very nice to hear.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Tue Sep 19, 2017 1:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm curious as to whether I should seek counseling. It almost seems wrong that I'm not. But I hate paying someone to listen to me grieve. What to do, I think I've had probably the worst experience a person could face but I'm blank as to what to say to someone who's charging 150 bucks an hour. Granted, we know this is all because I didn't save my 17 year old daughter. My latest thing I've read is to write down 5 things I'm grateful for each night before bed, but I feel bad even in doing that. Every thing I think of, I question. Nothing seems good enough to make the list. I mean I'm grateful for the other 5 kids I have but at the same time, I pretty much killed one of them. So it's hard to be grateful because I'm worried at how not to kill another. I have learned no big life lesson, so I don't know how to prevent this from happening again.
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splandrea



Joined: 09 Jul 2017
Posts: 63
Location: Northern California

PostPosted: Tue Sep 19, 2017 2:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can only say that your baby girl had an illness and I might think I was responsible in your situation, too, but I know that's not true. But it sounds to me like this is definitely a stage of grieving you are going through and maybe you don't "need" counseling, maybe you just don't want it? Do you have a best friend? If so, does she think it could benefit you? My heart is broken for you and I am terrible with words, but I felt compelled to say that what you feel is normal, but it's not true. That's probably not what you want to hear right now, but no matter the circumstances, don't let guilt eat you alive. What about just a community support group that is free or cheap? Sending hugs to you.
_________________
07/01/17: 255
Current: 240
Aiming for 180. We shall see...
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8159
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Tue Sep 19, 2017 2:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Are you saying that about your responsibility because that's the thought that keeps coming to you or because you believe it? I think it's definitely too soon to expect to have learned a life lesson.

What about a pastor if there is no grief support group? There's got to be a less pricey alternative. Even something online?

My understanding of writing down things I'm grateful for (I've heard only 3 a day, not 5) is that they should not be general things, like blue skies, for example, but noticing the sky today or not your children in general, but something cute or touching one of the children said today, etc It's possible it would still be useful even if you don't feel it deeply right now, but you know you normally would, as long as you don't judge yourself for not feeling it.

You can call me, if you think it would help... but I'll understand if that seems bizarre.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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Lilybug



Joined: 13 May 2017
Posts: 102

PostPosted: Tue Sep 19, 2017 4:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am just now reading this thread. I am so sorry, Allison. I wish I could give you a big hug and somehow lessen this pain for you.

I think I would consider counseling or a grief support group. I blamed myself for a tragic loss when I was in my 20s. It took years to fully understand that it was absolutely not.
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Larkspur



Joined: 06 Mar 2017
Posts: 275
Location: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Wed Sep 20, 2017 12:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Allison, if anybody deserves to have someone listen to them grieve, it's you. I have found therapy to be helpful even when I didn't think the therapist was that good. Even if you get six sessions now and six sessions in a year, it might help your healing which in turn will help you to be there for your kids. It's the therapist's task to help you-- you don't have to make yourself responsible for what to say.

If you were in Central Pennsylvania-- I could set you up with six sessions pro bono.

God bless you, my dear.
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Thu Sep 21, 2017 9:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok so I did it. I made a grief therapy appointment this coming Monday, which only gives me tomorrow to NOT chicken out. I don't know why this is so anxiety-provoking for me. I also completely binged after doing it (pizza, tater tots). Also a first in a long time. If I didn't make the appointment though, everyone will keep on me now. For almost a first in 20 years, my husband called my mom about me. Now my parents are acting tip-toey, getting other family members involved, inviting me over during preschool hours (so odd); even my husband is acting like he's dealing very carefully with me and giving me precise hours when he'll call. Well he's on a trip so I think suddenly everyone is thinking I'm a loose cannon Now my dad wants me to talk to the lady across the street from them whose 14 year old son shot himself the week before my daughter hung herself. I'm sorry, he said SHE really wants to talk to me. Why would I possibly want to talk to her yet? Everybody was telling me how great I'm handling things and how awful she's doing. Now they're all like oooohhhhh, I'm a disaster too. I just don't think I'm ready to talk to anybody. I put a collage of all her school pictures together today and actually felt pretty strong doing it.
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Thu Sep 21, 2017 9:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Also I want to thank you all for your words. I've read them over and over now and it DID help tremendously in finally picking up the phone.
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8159
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Fri Sep 22, 2017 2:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Could it be that you're afraid it will open the floodgates? Would that be so terrible? Big hugs.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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lpearlmom



Joined: 02 Aug 2013
Posts: 3409
Location: Arizona

PostPosted: Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you must be going through.

I go to therapy, and find it tremondously helpful. I was so nervous about going though and almost chickened out. I'm really glad I didn't though as it's very healing. To be honest I still kind of dread going each time because it's just scary opening up. I always feel so much better afterwards though so it's worth it.

I hope you find some peace & relief.

*hugs*

Linda
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"Every weakness contains within itself a Strength."
Shūsaku Endō

3/14-210 lbs; 3/15- 202 lbs; 1/16- 172 lbs; 9/17-177 lbs; 11/10- 167.8 lbs

Current weight: 165.4 lbs






Instagram "lpearlmom"
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1523

PostPosted: Fri Sep 22, 2017 5:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

(((Hugs))) I hope you go--more people would benefit from going. I went to counseling and also met with a pastor regularly early on in my husband's chronic illness--very helpful. You're going through incredible trauma and grief. Your family doesn't know what's right to say or what's not right to say--they just see your pain and they care.

I'll bet the collage is beautiful.
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28.5 lbs. down, 34.5 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.

"...slim cultures...value not overeating. They don't eat more of a food just because it's good. They enjoy the food more."--Oolala
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Fri Sep 22, 2017 10:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you all. I hate to tell you I chickened out. I didn't sleep all night thinking about going on Monday and I called and canceled right at 8:30. My aunt came over this morning. She lost her daughter (20 years ago at 36, the only tragedy in our family before now ) and I was dreading her coming over. Well, it did go very well and I can see I should have left the appointment as is. It must be a floodgate thing because I had mouth diarrhea while she was over. I also agree it's just SO scary for me to open up. I am horrible at it. I also remember 20 plus years ago going to therapy when I was going through a divorce and how great and relieved I'd feel afterwards.
Anyway I'll try again.
My daughter's boyfriend is visiting from college for his birthday tonight and his mom is having a surprise party for him. I'm a little nervous to see him; because we seem to feed off each other. I don't know, he just makes me cry because I thought he was our salvation, basically.
And now my husband just told me I need to pick him up in Raleigh at 7 am tomorrow morning. I haven't done that drive since taking my daughter to orientation the day before she passed.
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8159
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Fri Sep 22, 2017 11:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's okay to cry. A few people might be uncomfortable, but that's on them. Everyone else will understand.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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Allisonmeg



Joined: 02 Jan 2015
Posts: 423
Location: Oak Ridge, North Carolina

PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2017 6:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's FINALLY time for my 'Summertime Check-in' to be over. I'm starting fresh with a fall check-in. I am getting myself in check and going back to my old method of writing my food down and more of a "just the facts" approach. I just want to come here and think about putting good habits on the forefront, and that also includes EXcluding alcohol. The two of us don't mix anymore. It only makes me scary sad. Bye bye summer, this will be a better fall!
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 8159
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2017 6:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bon voyage!
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but harder to maintain)
Dec/17 23.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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