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What stopped you from starting?

 
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Lady Brachiosaur



Joined: 12 Jul 2017
Posts: 10

PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 8:06 pm    Post subject: What stopped you from starting? Reply with quote

Hi all!

I was reading the thread about why people had left and returned and it got me thinking about my own (many, many) failed starts.

I'm interested to know what stopped you from just getting on with it and how you overcame this. For me, I think it's a combination of wanting results now, not really wanting to give up the chocolate binges and when I do give it a shot, I put too much pressure on myself to eat wholesome, healthy meals. So I'm thinking I need to learn some patience because I don't wish to lose much anyway (15kg). I don't need to eat "right" because food isn't inherently right or wrong in itself. But I definitely need some help with not wanting to give up the chocolate. I guess I don't want to deal with being uncomfortable and denying myself! Need to pull on my big girl pants!

Would love to hear how you've all dealt with this and similar issues, as well as what works and what definitely doesn't. Thanks!
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1454

PostPosted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 2:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I did have a time of not wanting to restrict chocolate, but then I realized that if chocolate controls me so much that I can't wait until a weekend to have it, that's probably not a good thing! I knew that I was eating a lot of sugar and that that's not healthy. I didn't want to end up diabetic some day. Plus I knew that if I kept eating that way, I'd just put on more weight and possibly have other health risks--and I really wanted to move TOWARD better health, rather than away. Taking off excess weight is a good move towards better health, even if you don't change a lot of eating habits. Cutting out a lot of sweets is a move towards better health too--and you can still have them on your S days.

Slow losses didn't hinder me too much. I mean, sure, I do think about that every once in awhile, and I would like faster progress. But I know what I do every single time I get faster progress. Eventually I hit a plateau and then rebel against whatever the method was (exercise, calorie counting, vegan etc...) and end up gaining it all back plus some. No S...I can keep going and maintain and not feel deprived because a reward is coming every week. So, I just keep reminding myself, I didn't put this weight on overnight, so it's okay if I don't take it off overnight...just keep swimming!
_________________
Homeschool Mom and No S returnee as of 11-30-15.

28.5 lbs. down, 34.5 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.

"...slim cultures...value not overeating. They don't eat more of a food just because it's good. They enjoy the food more."--Oolala
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1454

PostPosted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 2:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome, BTW!
_________________
Homeschool Mom and No S returnee as of 11-30-15.

28.5 lbs. down, 34.5 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.

"...slim cultures...value not overeating. They don't eat more of a food just because it's good. They enjoy the food more."--Oolala
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Lady Brachiosaur



Joined: 12 Jul 2017
Posts: 10

PostPosted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Merry wrote:
Welcome, BTW!


Thank you!

And thank you for your advice, just hearing (reading?) about your thoughts on chocolate does make me realise how ridiculous I'm being. I'm a grown ass woman, I can handle not eating chocolate for a little while
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onemama



Joined: 11 Jun 2017
Posts: 19

PostPosted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I'm interested to know what stopped you from just getting on with it and how you overcame this. For me, I think it's a combination of wanting results now, not really wanting to give up the chocolate binges and when I do give it a shot, I put too much pressure on myself to eat wholesome, healthy meals.


Hi!
I think I've been stopped by similar issues. I think they stem from the diet mentality that tells us we can transform ourselves in a short period of time (expect immediate results) and demands overnight compliance to a rigid set of rules.
The chocolate binges have become less attractive over the last month, but I'm aware I'm still "at risk". I guess the longer we practice this way of systematically restricting our intake, the easier it will become.

Quote:
So I'm thinking I need to learn some patience because I don't wish to lose much anyway (15kg). I don't need to eat "right" because food isn't inherently right or wrong in itself. But I definitely need some help with not wanting to give up the chocolate. I guess I don't want to deal with being uncomfortable and denying myself! Need to pull on my big girl pants!


Oh, yes, same here. I've set myself the goal of learning the habits first, then I'll work on fine tuning my diet. Right now, I'm happy if I can make it one day at a time, eating three meals (sometimes two) without overeating. I haven't woken up to that horrible food hangover feeling in a while (at least not during the week! Saturdays have not been that great....)

Do you like dark chocolate? If you get a really low-sugar version, like 80% cocoa, would it be ok if you had one square after a meal until you felt you could give it up? I'm having a slice of toast with jam on it when I want something sweet for breakfast or even with my lunch. I don't know if that fits into "vanilla no-s", but it's satisfying and it isn't leading to me needing more sugar later on.

I think the goal of this way of eating is sanity. It shouldn't cause us more stress, which would only lead to the whole thing backfiring. Right?

All the best to you in this journey!
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 7947
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 7:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What stopped me before No S was a combination of lack of knowledge and denial of how much I justified my overeating, often for reasons I was encouraged to use by all kinds of sources.

In my obsession and scanning for info, several pieces of information came together to convince me that I needed to be willing to face down my desires even when it was hard. In fact, even more importantly when it was hard. Nothing was going to make it easy. I was going to have to go through "withdrawal" and possibly many more times than I wanted to. It was likely my best bet to break the back of the habit, rather than thinking it would all just fade away at some point. .I couldn't wait anymore to find the perfect diet that was going to take away all desire for food except when I was supposed to want it, or to solve all my problems so that I never felt stressed or sad or whatever enough to want food when I didn't really need it. It was making my body and to some degree my spirit miserable, unnecessarily and unproductively. That was a very high price.

But there was also a lot denial about just how painful it really was to restrict my dependencies on food in general and manufactured, "highly palatable" foods in particular, and how much damage it would do me to "deny" myself. (Never mind what I was denying myself when I reinforced the charade.) Meaning I was constantly making it seem much harder than it actually was to forgo those foods, letting my mind dwell for too long at the moments of temptation on how wonderful the food was going to taste and feel, how excruciating it would be to "deny" myself, and minimizing how lousy I would feel later and how much better I would feel without the overeating. Unnecessary sturm und drang! I was what Albert Ellis called "terriblizing' the sacrifice I would have to make, as if it was akin to having to put my hand in a meat grinder, when it's actually just a set of irritating sensations that seem to signal something dire will happen if I don't eat, but which is a total illusion. I wasn't going to damage myself physically or even mentally or emotionally by holding out. I wasn't going to set myself up for a binge unless I just gave into to the pitiful justifications I would make. In fact, I was damaging myself by giving in. (Forgivable, but still.)

So I finally couldn't stand the idea anymore that I was being whipped around by an illusion of sacrifice that was robbing me of so much pleasure and vitality. This doesn't mean I didn't fall for it still a lot- my S days were wild for a LONG time-but it became LESS dramatic. Now it just seems absurd most of the time to believe I ever HAVE to have extra food for any reason. Like to think, oh, I this happened so of course my good eating went out the window. It does happen but it's never a true cause and effect. In my mind, though admittedly not always in my actions, it is always an illusion that any situation merits stress eating. It doesn't mean it can't happen and I should feel awful if it does, but just that it will probably always serve me better not to give in to the illusion and to just accept the sensations of the moment. It just didn't match my image of myself that I could keep letting that beat me.

You are normal if you have brain patterns that are telling you it is going to be way too hard to change your habits , but that's all they are. Just consider that they are simply mistaken. They are not telling you the truth. They are not cruel, just mistaken. It's not going to necessarily be easy but it is doable and even better, WORTH IT. No matter how scared you are, have faith that you will not regret any effort you put into this, WHETHER YOU LOSE A POUND OR NOT.

Gillian Riley claims that if you want to find out how to control your eating compulsion, you have to stop asking how to lose weight. And that the concern with appearance is ONE of the ways the compulsion to overeat is created and PERPETUATED. It's not the only one, but a crucial one. The impatience to make weight loss happen at the expense of learning not to be controlled by simple desire to eat has messed countless people up. There has to be reason to eat less that has nothing to do with appearance because that focus damage the sense of our real worth. It is a betrayal of our value in life, IMHO. It is a false idol. (Okay, I' probably getting into too much sturm und drang here myself.)

If you have health conditions, I consider that a whole different ball game, and would write to you separately on that.

But also, as senior citizen, I will gently say that there are definite advantages to handle this earlier life that are very hard to appreciate earlier in life, before the health conditions occur. But it is very hard to pretend on those fronts.

Have faith and move forward. We'll help you all we can.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 63 SBMI Jan/10-30.8 Jan/12-26.8 Mar/13-24.9 Dec/15 24.8 held steady +/- 8-lb. for two years Mar/17 22.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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MaggieMae



Joined: 01 Nov 2015
Posts: 508
Location: Ohio, USA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 7:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome lady brachiosaur! Love the name. I think you answered the question for me. I am terrified of giving sweets, especially soda. Plus the mentality of " well I'm on a diet so I have to eat only kale and quinoa. " But like Merrie said, I don't want to head down a path of bad health simply because I love food too much. I screw up and wander away from time to time, but I never wander so far that no s is out of sight. I'm going to take your advice and put on my big girl panties and get on with it. I think we have similar amount to lose. 15 kg is 30 some pounds? Honestly I'd be happy to lose 15 if it would be painless.
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 7947
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 9:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

MaggieMae wrote:
Honestly I'd be happy to lose 15 if it would be painless.


Wouldn't we all...

I hope you're willing to have a little "pain." Razz

P.S. Consider giving yourself permission to be an idiot on S days until you're really sick of it. It may turn out to be unnecessary, but at least it can help quell the fear of having to let go of chocolate too soon. That's what it took for me, and my blood panel could afford it.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 63 SBMI Jan/10-30.8 Jan/12-26.8 Mar/13-24.9 Dec/15 24.8 held steady +/- 8-lb. for two years Mar/17 22.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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Lady Brachiosaur



Joined: 12 Jul 2017
Posts: 10

PostPosted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 11:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

onemama wrote:
Quote:
I'm interested to know what stopped you from just getting on with it and how you overcame this. For me, I think it's a combination of wanting results now, not really wanting to give up the chocolate binges and when I do give it a shot, I put too much pressure on myself to eat wholesome, healthy meals.


Hi!
I think I've been stopped by similar issues. I think they stem from the diet mentality that tells us we can transform ourselves in a short period of time (expect immediate results) and demands overnight compliance to a rigid set of rules.
The chocolate binges have become less attractive over the last month, but I'm aware I'm still "at risk". I guess the longer we practice this way of systematically restricting our intake, the easier it will become.

Quote:
So I'm thinking I need to learn some patience because I don't wish to lose much anyway (15kg). I don't need to eat "right" because food isn't inherently right or wrong in itself. But I definitely need some help with not wanting to give up the chocolate. I guess I don't want to deal with being uncomfortable and denying myself! Need to pull on my big girl pants!


Oh, yes, same here. I've set myself the goal of learning the habits first, then I'll work on fine tuning my diet. Right now, I'm happy if I can make it one day at a time, eating three meals (sometimes two) without overeating. I haven't woken up to that horrible food hangover feeling in a while (at least not during the week! Saturdays have not been that great....)

Do you like dark chocolate? If you get a really low-sugar version, like 80% cocoa, would it be ok if you had one square after a meal until you felt you could give it up? I'm having a slice of toast with jam on it when I want something sweet for breakfast or even with my lunch. I don't know if that fits into "vanilla no-s", but it's satisfying and it isn't leading to me needing more sugar later on.

I think the goal of this way of eating is sanity. It shouldn't cause us more stress, which would only lead to the whole thing backfiring. Right?

All the best to you in this journey!


I'm not a huge dark chocolate fan, unless its with mint, then I can gorge away on the stuff quite easily. I've been giving it some thought and it's probably better that I go vanilla no S and just don't touch the stuff during the week. I'd work myself into a state trying to moderate to just one square, rather than eating the entire thing in one go
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Lady Brachiosaur



Joined: 12 Jul 2017
Posts: 10

PostPosted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 11:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

MaggieMae wrote:
Welcome lady brachiosaur! Love the name. I think you answered the question for me. I am terrified of giving sweets, especially soda. Plus the mentality of " well I'm on a diet so I have to eat only kale and quinoa. " But like Merrie said, I don't want to head down a path of bad health simply because I love food too much. I screw up and wander away from time to time, but I never wander so far that no s is out of sight. I'm going to take your advice and put on my big girl panties and get on with it. I think we have similar amount to lose. 15 kg is 30 some pounds? Honestly I'd be happy to lose 15 if it would be painless.


Thanks! I have one tattooed on my neck, it's a minor obsession of mine. We'll pull on our big girl panties together
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onemama



Joined: 11 Jun 2017
Posts: 19

PostPosted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 3:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lady Brachiosaur wrote:


I'm not a huge dark chocolate fan, unless its with mint, then I can gorge away on the stuff quite easily. I've been giving it some thought and it's probably better that I go vanilla no S and just don't touch the stuff during the week. I'd work myself into a state trying to moderate to just one square, rather than eating the entire thing in one go


I like the stuff, especially with orange or ginger. Yum! But I also enjoy it plain, and it's the only chocolate I could ever eat one square at a time. Nothing below 80% lasts around here.
I'm not having it during the week either. It's easier to say "no chocolate" than "just one piece of chocolate", but as vanilla No S allows for that teaspoon of sugar in your coffee and even for a glass of wine, I guess that one square of dark chocolate (if you can keep it at that) would be ok. I'm not sure if it's "officially ok" though... Wink
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 7947
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 10:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's a mod, but mods are "allowed." You determine what green is.

I do not like dark chocolate and wouldn't "waste" any eating on it. I envy people who find it lovely. But I put cocoa in all kinds of things and add a whoosh of stevia. That's probably not officially okay, either, but here I am.

I try to use the criterion of does it make me want more, and do I give in to that quite easily after I eat it? If yes, don't have it. Does it help me feel I am supporting vitality and pleasure as well as moderation? If yes, yum!
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 63 SBMI Jan/10-30.8 Jan/12-26.8 Mar/13-24.9 Dec/15 24.8 held steady +/- 8-lb. for two years Mar/17 22.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.


Last edited by oolala53 on Mon Jul 17, 2017 10:33 pm; edited 1 time in total
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onemama



Joined: 11 Jun 2017
Posts: 19

PostPosted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 9:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

oolala53 wrote:

I try to use the criterion of does it make me want more, and do I give in to that quite easily after I eat it? Does it help me feel I am supporting vitality and pleasure as well as moderation? If yes, yum!


Excellent!
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ironchef



Joined: 30 Jul 2012
Posts: 1512
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Tue Jul 18, 2017 7:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

One of the most helpful things I read here (can't remember which poster) when I was first starting out was: "You don't have to fix everything about your eating at once".

I felt like that gave me permission to just implement the basic rules of No S, without having to worry about the rest of my usual "I'm going on a Diet - quinoa and kale for all!" stuff.
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Tortie



Joined: 17 Oct 2015
Posts: 68

PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2017 4:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The reason why I've abandoned No S so many times, without ever really getting off the ground with it, is it's simplicity.

With a complicated evil food/good food diet or an accounting diet, it's so easy after a few days, or a week to say "this is ludicrous" and give up, and blame the diet. With No S, it works so well, that all I'm left with is myself. Me and my issues, all the things I need to deal with, and all the emotions I use food to stuff down.



I did need to change medication in order for No S to work, but I did that months ago. But this, apart from getting in my own way, was my only real obstacle.

In my handful of diet world attempts over the last few months I did use a nutrition tracker, and that was helpful. 20 years of brainwashing from a particular diet guru - who I won't name, had me truly ignorant as to what a simple day of healthy eating looked like. I learned, left on my own I do not choose meals with enough protein, I honestly thought I ate plenty. I also eat way too much fibre (which explains my chronic diarrhea) These were easy fixes and have made all the difference in making No S easier to stick with. I also learned through this nutrition tracker that all of my excess calories came from snacks.
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 7947
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Sun Aug 13, 2017 7:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tortie wrote:
I also learned through this nutrition tracker that all of my excess calories came from snacks.


Say it into the microphone!

Looking forward to delightful testimonials. Wink
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 7 years & counting
Age 63 SBMI Jan/10-30.8 Jan/12-26.8 Mar/13-24.9 Dec/15 24.8 held steady +/- 8-lb. for two years Mar/17 22.8

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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