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Octavia is finally checking in!
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lpearlmom



Joined: 02 Aug 2013
Posts: 3503
Location: Arizona

PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 5:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Octavia!

I’d probably just enjoy those sweets your mom is making for you. Maybe you can make a mod to just have a small plate of sweets a day. That way it’ll still feel contained.

Either just enjoy your time and you can get back on track when you get back.

Have s great time and thanks for your comment on my thread.

Linda Smile
_________________
"Every weakness contains within itself a Strength."
Shūsaku Endō

3/14-210 lbs;
3/15- 202 lbs;
1/16- 172 lbs;
9/17-177 lbs;
1/18-162 lbs;
4/18-157.4 lbs

Current weight: 157.4 lbs






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automatedeating



Joined: 31 Aug 2013
Posts: 2217

PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 4:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
She is tiny and frail, and will use the last of her strength to make these highly-processed sweet concoctions.


What imagery! Smile
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8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 274
Location: UK

PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 9:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, Linda & Auto! Glad you enjoyed my image of elderly Mum making puddings. When we arrived, she had made a ground rice pudding, and was waxing lyrical about some stuff she used to make when we were kids called ‘Rice Cremola’. I remembered it as horrid yellow stodge, but this newer version was actually quite nice! My DD asked for second helpings! It was probably what people call a ‘nursery pudding ‘ - the sort that has almost died out.

Anyway, I’m back now, and I didn’t do too badly. I can’t mark the days as green, but they did have some ‘N’ qualities, and no real descents into WTH. Looking forward to getting back on plan - I actually feel as if my body has changed a little. I have slightly more shape. Not looking forward to the next weigh-in though, as I’m sure I must have gained a wee bit.
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 274
Location: UK

PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 12:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have just had a ghastly experience in a phone shop. Went in with DH, who is going to New York tomorrow, wanted to check that his phone would work. Spoke to a young assistant girl who talked very fast and unclearly, who indicated that it would be better for DH to swap to another network provider as it would work out cheaper. One hour later we were still in the shop, with her talking about SIM cards and temporary numbers, and devices that came with this deal. We were both totally confused about what was going on, but as DH’s phone is for some reason attached to MY name, I had to do all the signing and so on. Well I was getting tireder and more frustrated with my own incomprehension of the situation, and then she suddenly thrust her phone in my hand and said I needed to now speak to customer services to get the ‘add on’ . My stress levels went through the roof, but I tried to stay calm...but then I answered the security questions wrong! The guy on the phone was totally unclear, asking for the number on my bank card, but meaning the account number not the card number, and so on...the girl in the shop then took the phone and got round this for me, but then at the next incomprehensible question I burst into tears and rushed out of the shop. I have never freaked out in a shop before. 😩

Of course I had to go back in to finish the transaction! I had to give them my bank card so they could take 89p off it, then put it back on again. She explained why this was, but again, I couldn’t follow her. So now I am at home sobbing in a darkened room. The thing is, only in hindsight can I explain what happened - at the time, genuinely couldn’t understand what the girl was saying, and what she was trying to do. She was really sweet when I went back in and she said sorry I had been upset. But it was largely her fault for being so unclear. Unless I just am really stupid which is a possibility! 😢

Now have no appetite whatsoever so might skip lunch.


Last edited by Octavia on Fri Apr 06, 2018 3:06 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 274
Location: UK

PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 3:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

...on a positive note, the cheese that I accidentally left in mum’s fridge has just arrived in the post. 😂😂😂

She always seems slightly triumphant when we leave things (we have to take all the food with us, along with our clothes, gifts etc etc..) and she rings up to express her amazement that we have left a piece of cucumber or an apple. It’s so hilarious!

Have avoided coffee today, to see if it helps my anxious upset tummy things (I don’t get these everyday, it seems to happen at random). I can certainly report that despite the stress of my phone shop breakdown, I am as calm as anything right now. I do have a slight headache though.
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 274
Location: UK

PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 6:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Went for a long walk with DH. Amazing how these days I can do a long walk on an empty stomach! At one point I would have been packing snacks, and being terrified of fainting half way through. Then was really hungry and enjoyed my dinner a lot.

I can feel a heavy S weekend coming on. Craving sweets. Feel the need to comfort myself after the phone shop humiliation...
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worth it



Joined: 01 Oct 2013
Posts: 330

PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2018 5:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awww, Octavia!

Sorry to hear about the phone store debacle. It reminds me about how lucky I am since my brother in law is a manager at a cell phone company and handles all of our affairs through his employee account. I’m not sure I’d have the patience to deal with that stuff any longer.

I hope this weekend turns out better than you expected and enjoy those S days if you need to!

Hugs 🤗!
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Larkspur



Joined: 06 Mar 2017
Posts: 359
Location: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2018 12:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Phone stores represent the very worst of modern life. My husband always does it because it drives me bats--t. So sorry! I hope your husband is all straightened out with his phone!
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 274
Location: UK

PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2018 1:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you! It was an unpleasant experience. Husband is in New York and we are communicating via Messenger! I’m sure his phone would have been fine anyway.... but I have learned to be more wary of these phone shops - the youngsters who serve in them think nothing of keeping you hanging around for an hour. Oddly enough, after I felt ghastly for a day, I woke up on Saturday feeling great, as if it had all been a dream. And I think my reaction was entirely justified! Even though I embarrassed myself!

Thanks for your sympathy, worth it and Lark! 🙂
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Larkspur



Joined: 06 Mar 2017
Posts: 359
Location: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2018 1:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So glad you're feeling better Smile How nice to wake up feeling great-- I am inclined to be a little ball of worries sometimes, and it's hard for me to do that. Good inspiration Smile
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 274
Location: UK

PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2018 11:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks so much, Lark - you have no idea how much it means to me, to have this amazing support. 💐 Do you think there could be a link between the fact that I let myself cry, and the fact that I recovered quickly from this incident? Is anxiety connected to holding things in and being afraid to show our feelings? It’s certainly making me think.

I did have a rather heavy S weekend with several doses of chocolate and ice cream. Yesterday I cooked a really nice dinner, but didn’t really enjoy it, I wasn’t hungry enough. I still don’t want to add rules to my S days, though: I want it to come from within, a decision to just hold back on the chocolate so I can enjoy my next meal.

What’s developing well for me is my N day behaviour. I’m finding I don’t need the calorific drinks so much, to tide me over. I’m less worried about filling up at meals, and am doing less virtual plating. I think my small, non-sweet desserts (basically a ramekin of muesli with milk, nuts, a few grapes and a bit of All Bran sprinkled on top!) were disagreeing with my stomach! Not sure I’m a high fibre person....😊

I’m learning a lot about which foods suit me. Before No S, I blamed chocolate for everything, mental or physical....but now I’m more able to discern which of the other foods really agree with me.
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 274
Location: UK

PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2018 11:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just thinking more about the crying incident. I know as an assertive adult, it would have been more appropriate to express anger in the phone shop, in a calm and respectful way of course. But was it better to cry? Critical words, no matter how calmly spoken, alienate and make people defensive...whereas crying shocks them, worries them, makes them realise they have pushed you too far, and perhaps makes them think about their own behaviour.

Not sure I want to add crying to my arsenal of everyday behaviours, though...
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Soprano



Joined: 08 Mar 2018
Posts: 69
Location: UK

PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2018 7:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Octavia wrote:
Thanks so much, Lark - you have no idea how much it means to me, to have this amazing support. 💐 Do you think there could be a link between the fact that I let myself cry, and the fact that I recovered quickly from this incident? Is anxiety connected to holding things in and being afraid to show our feelings? It’s certainly making me think.


.


That's a really interesting point, you could well be right. Glad you are feeling better

Jx
_________________
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)
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Larkspur



Joined: 06 Mar 2017
Posts: 359
Location: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2018 10:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hope your husband is liking NYC!

I think that's insightful about the crying-- I think it's probably good that we don't all react like model citizens all the time. I was attempting to make a dr appt with my daughter's disorganized practice. I think the scheduler was accustomed to taking the offensive and she pointed out, "well, she hasn't been here in a LONG TIME. Looks like she missed a physical last year..." I finally burst out, "You're being really condescending and I'm worried about my daughter and this is stressing me out!" She got much nicer, thank God.
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 274
Location: UK

PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2018 11:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Larkspur and Soprano! Well done Lark for bursting out at that condescending woman! I reckon using the word ‘stress’ to describe how you’re feeling is a good tip - because the person doesn’t know whether you are going to get really mad or start crying...it’s sort of neutral. But they know what it feels like! Great that you got a result.

Really busy day today, and no time to get dinner - had to divide my lunchtime sandwich between two meals. Perhaps my lowest calorie day ever! It will help to counteract all the chocolate and ice cream I wolfed this weekend.

DH seems to be loving NYC, by the way! Posting lots of photos and raving about his real New York breakfast. 😊
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 274
Location: UK

PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2018 10:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

After all the Easter excess, my weight is stuck at about 5lb down from my first weigh-in, back in Jan. In my old calorie counting days, I could have lost 5lb in two weeks! But I was younger then - and of course, I couldn’t keep it up: eating tiny snacks and treats all day long, alongside low calorie meals. Ugh! So unsatisfing. No S is much more rewarding. The only problem with the slow weight loss is that there’s a nagging doubt in my head - am I somehow cheating at this, doing it wrong? And has the weight loss stalled for good? I won’t know unless I carry on, so there’s the answer!

I’m a bit frustrated because today we’re having a dinner party so I can’t really stick to N day rules. I so want to get a big streak of greens in my Habitcal. Never mind. I’m still not remotely interested in going off the plan!

And meagre as it is, that 5lb has made a difference, and I feel better in my clothes. Even ordered two dresses from Joe Browns today (highly recommend the stretchy ones - they’re a viscose-elastane mix and incredibly flattering and comfortable to wear. I like to bung a little denim jacket over the top, like a cardi....when it gets to summer that is.)

Husband is home from NYC and is enthusiastically playing classic American pop music downstairs. I can hear Simon and Garfunkel. He had a great time!

My attempts to establish systems for going to bed and getting up have not been a success, and I wonder if that’s setting the bar too high. My life is too chaotic and non-routine, with evening work, the unpredictable demands of a teen child, and so on, to keep to a strict routine. I’ve decided to let it rest, and give up trying to improve myself in that way. But I’ve continued searching for other moderate habit ideas that might help with my inertia and low moods. For instance, 14’ of what I call ‘flowing movement’. Just moving around doing stuff - it could be exercise or it could be decluttering. i was finding that by the time I’d done everything for the day, it was too late to exercise. But I can gently move around for 14’. The point isn’t fitness, nor to do more housework, but to fight inertia. To DO stuff!

Another way of fighting inertia is to ‘do a creative thing’ NOW! Just a tiny burst of random creativity. Again, what i achieve is not the point - I need to defeat my inertia habit first and foremost. So for the last two nights I’ve played the piano. Even though it was too late to be really constructive, I just did a bit, so I could tick that box.

Normally, my own thoughts get in the way - I’m distracted by worries or household mess, or I feel that my previous failure to establish creative habits means I’ll fail in the future. “What’s the point doing a painting if it’s the only one you’ll do in the next decade (probably)?” - “what’s the point in going for a run if it’s the only one I manage in a whole month?” - so my thoughts go. The dire logic of despair!!!! And the result: inertia. Anyway, my anti-inertia systems are meant to just break up the block, and allow me to get the feeling of action rather than stewing. Thinking of a catchy name for the combined system, such as ‘Paralysis Pill’.

I’ve gone on too long, and have become inert....😂
Hope everyone is well and looking forward to the weekend!
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 274
Location: UK

PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2018 2:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Octavia iz failin!

I knew it wouldn’t be a good N day cos of our dinner party, but the WTH effect really took hold this morning. Was in a bad mood due to all the tidying and cleaning required to get the house halfway respectable. Grumpily ate unnecessary ice cream! And felt more mentally blocked than ever. But I’m always in a bad mood when we have people round - it’s just nerves. I will enjoy it once they get here, and the house and food will be fine.
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beginagain



Joined: 25 Dec 2015
Posts: 70
Location: Texas, USA

PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 2:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like reading about your No S journey. You're doing so well! Someone once said that we aren't trying for perfection, just for Better. You're certainly doing that!
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Soprano



Joined: 08 Mar 2018
Posts: 69
Location: UK

PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 10:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Octavia wrote:
Octavia iz failin!

I knew it wouldn’t be a good N day cos of our dinner party, but the WTH effect really took hold this morning. Was in a bad mood due to all the tidying and cleaning required to get the house halfway respectable. Grumpily ate unnecessary ice cream! And felt more mentally blocked than ever. But I’m always in a bad mood when we have people round - it’s just nerves. I will enjoy it once they get here, and the house and food will be fine.


If I had a dinner party with friends I would treat it as an S day and enjoy it, unless you have them every night of course! Smile

Jx
_________________
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 274
Location: UK

PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 9:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you, Begin and Soprano! I feel encouraged by those observations. Maybe I am doing OK. Weight was up a bit today, which makes it look like a miniscule weight loss since I started. Like, 3lb in four months. I sometimes wonder if I’m just moving calories around, rather than eating any less. But to lose any weight at all, at my age, is a miracle, and I must be eating less.

I am afraid to introduce any mods as yet, because I think I will get diet head: that urgency to see the number on the scale go down....basically, higher expectations. It could backfire.

My anti-inertia systems are working well. For the ‘Do a creative thing NOW’ system, I actually wrote a couple of hundred words in my abandoned novel, which has been an ongoing source of low morale for the last 5 years. I want to finish it, but the project has gone on too long, and I’m bored. But I got to it. As I wrote, I laughed to myself, as I realised that one of the reasons for my block was that I had reached a sex scene! Urghhh embarrassment! Well I got round the cringe factor by deciding that my characters would be interrupted by...wait for it....the return of the husband! 🤣🤣🤣 Ah, the old cliches are the best ones! Anyway I have been a wimp, but got over my writers’ block!

And for my 14’ of not-necessarily-energetic movement, I de fumigated the teen’s bedroom and put beds down for a sleepover tonight. Feeling quite tired now!

S treats: ice cream after lunch (just a ramekin, so not piles). Chocolate after dinner (though didn’t have too much). A handful of Pringles this afternoon.

Oops I’m forgetting, I also had biscotti AND a small choc bar with a cup of tea when we popped into Starbucks.

Multiple snack/treats, oh dear! No total stuffing of the face, though....
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worth it



Joined: 01 Oct 2013
Posts: 330

PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 10:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Octavia,

I just wanted to send some positive vibes your way- I think you are doing great!

I know how you feel about having visitors in your home- I feel much the same way. I get so anxious and just want it all to go well.

Overall, I know you will find the right balance of No S for those days when it doesn't necessarily fit into your typical schedule.

It's great to hear about your experience and see that you continue to keep moving forward.
Very Happy
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Soprano



Joined: 08 Mar 2018
Posts: 69
Location: UK

PostPosted: Sun Apr 15, 2018 4:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Octavia, sounds like you're doing ok. 3lbs in 4 months could become 9 lbs in a year which I would be happy with given that may weight has increased by about 3lbs a year over the last 3 years or so.

Just enjoy your snacks/treats on the s days. Some days we need more than others.

Keep going, you can do this and well done on your book!

Jx
_________________
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 274
Location: UK

PostPosted: Sun Apr 15, 2018 4:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, worth it and Soprano!

I have eaten rather badly and randomly this weekend. But I still have a feeling that at some point, the penny will drop, and I will decide of my own free will that the discomfort of emptiness and delayed gratification is preferable to the futility of permasnacking. Of course I know that already, but still have a strong desire to experience that release of self-control every weekend. Despite their rewards, N days still entail psychic ‘work’...effort...and that’s what I enjoy throwing aside on S days. I wonder if at some point I’ll happily opt to do a little work on S days? I’ve a feeling that if I do become more controlled, I’ll then start looking for a payoff in terms of greater weight loss. It could backfire. (I was rambling on about this only a couple of posts ago). At the moment, any weight loss is an astonishing bonus to having the enjoyable No S rhythm to my week.

Do you think I could lose 9lb in a year? That cheered me up, Soprano! And made me want to just carry on Vanilla-ing.
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Soprano



Joined: 08 Mar 2018
Posts: 69
Location: UK

PostPosted: Sun Apr 15, 2018 5:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

When I started this I decided if I was 9lb lighter this time next year I would be very happy Smile

I'm wondering what is triggering you to go overboard at the weekends. I approach my weekends feeling quite in control. I try and stick to similar meals and portion sizes as in the week but I allow sweet things and seconds in that I will have dessert or maybe cheese and biscuits after a meal but I don't pile my plate high. I might also have a few nuts with wine before I eat but it never feels like a binge or out of control....

Do you eat things you enjoy?

I never think about whether food is fattening only if it is healthy and something | enjoy. I deserve good food that I enjoy and so do you.

Jx
_________________
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 274
Location: UK

PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2018 10:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Soprano! Thanks again for your insights! I think the reason I have mad S days is that I really enjoy giving up all the efforts of the N days....more than I enjoy the benefits of the N days. It feels such a luxurious release, letting those lower brain instincts off the leash every weekend. I hope this will change without me having to enforce rules - though that doesn’t seem likely any time soon! I always eat things I like, throughout the week, so I’m not having such a hard time on N days...but they still feel like work, and the desire to eat ‘addictively’ is definitely alive and well!

I’m slightly worried that I haven’t overcome my snacking habit at all, but have just temporarily suppressed it with external rules. Again, I suppose only time will tell. Perhaps I need to set a firmer intention - either an intention to dismiss the ‘addictive urge’ ...or simply, to get the number on the scale to shift. I’m a bit directionless at the moment, my only intention being to comply with the Vanilla routine. Need to remember why I’m doing it!
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 274
Location: UK

PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2018 8:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

hurrah, the high weight of last weekend was a passing thing...so it seems!

Summing up my No S experience so far. I’ve been amazed and delighted to find that the N day routine has become an instinctive habit. The Habitcal has been surprisingly helpful, in that it makes me think ahead and imagine the pain of failure. And it’s been a delight to find that the dreadful hunger signals and symptoms have quietened radically, leaving me feeling more confident in my skin - no longer so afraid of running out of gas. This has been good for my anxiety. I’ve taken in more fluids, which is good for my lowish blood pressure, and have discovered interesting new drinks. I’ve enjoyed the routine of the week, with more reason to look forward to weekends (I work weekends so they often feel rather downbeat). With chocolate removed from my week, I’m more able to see which other foods might be disagreeing with me, and have pinpointed certain culprits. I am able to resist treats and snacks on N days without experiencing any conflict or mental agitation. Without the distraction of daily treats, I’ve been forced to tend to my life and seek out real fulfilment. It’s still hard, but I’m not giving up and turning to the quick fix of chocolate, as I did before. And I have lost (according to the scale this morning) 4lb since January.

These are the things I still need to attend to:

My festive weekend treats quickly become permasnacking - operating from that old lower brain system alone, feeling too weary to impose willpower. Permasnacking is, of course, not enjoyable in itself: it’s only desirable because it is effortless. So that’s an issue for me. I want to truly enjoy those treats, not eat them because I can’t stop myself eating them! Rather than inventing new rules, I need some sort of Treat Optimisation System to help me at weekends.

Secondly, although habit is amazing and helping me get through the N days without much suffering, I think I actually need to ‘embrace the suffering’ more. Consciously feel those urges and let them be there, maybe even see them as an invitation to find something meaningful to do. That might mean doing a difficult thing that needs doing, it might mean a creative thing, or work, or having a rest. I feel I’m relying too much on habit, on things feeling easy.

Having worked this out, I hope I might be protected from mad S days, and from the danger of my N day habits ‘flipping over.’
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Soprano



Joined: 08 Mar 2018
Posts: 69
Location: UK

PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2018 4:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds like you are doing great. You just need to tackle the weekend permasnacking Smile

Reasons why it is bad:

Not good for your teeth
Not good for your blood sugars
It could jeopardise your hard work in the week

Would it work to plan some snacks at short intervals so that you look forward to and enjoy them?


Jx
_________________
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)
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Larkspur



Joined: 06 Mar 2017
Posts: 359
Location: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2018 12:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Without the distraction of daily treats, I’ve been forced to tend to my life and seek out real fulfilment. "

Great reflection! I just enjoy your whole thread, it's so interesting to hear about what's going on with you & I enjoy the British (you are British?) twist.
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 274
Location: UK

PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2018 7:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you, Larkspur! Yes, I’m British.

Thanks to Soprano too, for ongoing support! It’s much appreciated.

Happy to see the scale still registering a low weight - hoping it is not just a fleeting dip this time - it is indicating that I’ve lost 6lb since Jan. If that’s true, then it’s great news for me. I now wish I’d weighed myself when I started, in December...but I was not only afraid to see my weight, but determined to do No S whether it resulted in weight loss or not. So I didn’t weigh. It was probably a good thing.

Saw some photos of myself the other day and couldn’t believe how huge I looked. Felt rather depressed. Thank goodness that in real life I move around and don’t just stay in one unflattering pose. Despite being on the No S Diet, I don’t see myself as being that big...I must have a distorted body image...! I thought I looked significantly overweight, rather than less than a stone. Bah!

I’ve been running more regularly, and realising that I’ve been lacking a sense of purpose with it. Yes, I was working on my stamina, but what was running itself contributing to my life? So I decided that what I want from it is to increase my energy in the short term, and protect my body from the weakness and stiffness of ageing in the long term. Having clarified that, I’ve now started going for shorter but more regular runs. The longer, stamina building runs were important for becoming more adept, but were too time consuming and, indeed, tiring, to squeeze into a busy day. But a shorter workout perks me up for the day. I drive to the park, walk to the pond in the park, run twice round the pond, then walk back to the car. It takes 30 mins, and I do feel noticeably better for it.

I’ve got some demanding work happening tomorrow, and am stuck in that unpleasant ‘work head’ feeling, where a grey cloud follows you around...this is a classic challenge for me! In the absence of distracting, cheering, sweet snacks, I’m facing up to feelings like this much more these days, and wanting to learn to overcome them. Life drains away while I’m worrying about tomorrow...or maybe not consciously worrying, but unable to enjoy anything else or focus on my personal projects...’preoccupied’ is surely the perfect word for this state of being.
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 274
Location: UK

PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2018 4:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, it’s boiling hot today. I had an ice lolly, which I’m counting as a frozen drink....!
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Soprano



Joined: 08 Mar 2018
Posts: 69
Location: UK

PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2018 4:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like your style, enjoy, it won't last Smile

Jx
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Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)
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