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How to stop failing

 
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Lilybug



Joined: 13 May 2017
Posts: 113

PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2018 1:33 pm    Post subject: How to stop failing Reply with quote

I've been back (lurking, not posting) for a month. I've def been snacking less, but my plates are fuller- been here before.

This weekend, I had a pretty big S day- birthday for brother went out family style, then awesome cake after -even though we were already stuffed. The next S day (Sunday) I got a pint of ice cream and ate the whole thing plus popcorn. Why??? Its not like I was eating light at ALL on my meals. They were plenty and just what I wanted.

Why can't I see when enough is enough? Why do I keep doing what I know makes me feel bad? I just don't understand it.

Yesterday (Monday) I was doing fine, then made a concoction of peanut butter, unsweetened cocoa and sugar and ate it. Why??? Am I a food addict? Why does one overindulgence seem to cascade into days of WTH?

I sometimes wish I could be hypnotized to rid my brain of this behavior. Sorry to sound so dramatic, but it just is ridiculous to me that I can't seem to control myself. Its just food, for crying out loud! LOL

My doctor prescribed me Belviq, but I never picked it up. How can a pill change me? Even if it works for a while, what happens when I stop taking it? I'm also scared of side effects and doubt that it would work, anyway.

Anyhow... back to trying to stay on track today. I've packed healthy food for breakfast and lunch.

Have a good day, everyone.
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jenji



Joined: 26 Sep 2017
Posts: 417
Location: Cambridge

PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2018 7:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know about you, but for me, sugar in particular is the problem. In fact, I found this diet by googling "no sugar diet". I do think that our bodies don't need sugar, but we sure do want it.

One thing that has helped me is to not keep a lot of sugar in my house. I have to get in the car or walk several blocks on the weekend to get a sweet treat. In fact, I don't even buy 5 lb bags of sugar for baking or for my coffee and tea. I buy the little boxes, even though it's more expensive, and if I run out, I sometimes go a week without replacing it.

On the other hand, even though your failure seems huge to you, it's not really that surprising. We all will fail several times in trying to change our habits. I fail about once a week in some aspect of No S, by eating between meals or after dinner on N days, but I am still losing weight gradually. I am pretty vigilant about no sweets during the week.

If I fail, I mark it on my calendar and move on. Just keep track and keep at building the habits.
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I'm a 48-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7.5"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 167#, BMI 25.8 - 8/8/2018
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1657

PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 4:25 am    Post subject: Re: How to stop failing Reply with quote

Lilybug wrote:
Why do I keep doing what I know makes me feel bad?


I think this particular thought is key to changing behavior. This is an excellent question. I would encourage you to journal on this question, but turn it around. How do you feel when you over-indulge--how does it make you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally? Write it all down. Then put it somewhere so you can re-read it. When you feel tempted to make up a crazy concoction on an N day, remind yourself--that makes me feel terrible. And go read what you wrote. You need to change that inner dialog.

Take note of any success, even a small one. Note that you used at least a small amount of self-control to achieve it. You can build on that. You can flex a self-control muscle and encourage it and strengthen it. Don't tell yourself you're an addict or can't help it if you make a bad choice. Own the choice, mark it down, and then move on. One bad choice doesn't define you or your future choices. Build on your good choices.

I do find that Habitcal really makes me want to make good choices. It's just marking that little square, but I like to see the greens and build on those. And if I have a red, I like that the next day is new and I can try again for green.

Hang in there!
_________________
Homeschool Mom and No S returnee as of 11-30-15.
2 years and counting on No-S.
29 lbs. down, 34 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.
Respect Moderation
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noni



Joined: 27 Feb 2009
Posts: 613

PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 12:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My grandmother put it very simply: (insert accent) "Honey, once you start eating between meals, it's very hard to stop." No psychology.

I try not to snack even on an S-day, but enjoy a sweet after meals. Sometimes it's a success, but as soon as I taste something, whether savory or sweet between meals, it becomes a "taste like more" fiasco.
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"Never go back for seconds. Get it all the first time." - Garfield
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Bluebell



Joined: 29 Sep 2016
Posts: 569
Location: Hampshire UK

PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 4:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can identify with so much of what you are saying. I have been through several difficult patches during my NoS journey where I just want to eat and eat. In all honesty I am not sure that trying to understand why is hugely helpful. (Although I have done so many times myself!) I have actually come to the conclusion that it is far more helpful to accept that this is how my brain is wired and try and make small positive steps each day to form better habits.
I am going to start a habitcal from tomorrow (beginning of February) as a visual incentive to staying on track - or not!. Maybe this could help you too?
And the other very boring part of the answer is to just keep plodding on each day, trying to be successful, marking it and moving on if not.
Easy to say, not so easy to do! But you are not alone. And you can form better habits, even if it takes years. I am trying to be kinder to myself. Smile
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"You'll know where the North Star is ⭐️" - Oolala
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 9307
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 7:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with Bluebell. You do it because you are HUMAN and because your brain has made very positive associations with such habits in your past. Fifty thousand years ago, it would have kept you alive. Our brains are geared to protect us against scarcity but not against excess.

It's possible that hardcore elimination of certain foods might make it all go away faster, but that strategy doesn't have a good track record, either. It might be something to contemplate, but be careful of "premature optimization."

Does this mean you are doomed? No, because you also have a prefrontal cortex. You just have to keep making new neural networks in it by making different choices often enough. That usually takes longer than we want.

And do keep letting yourself yearn for moderation. It's when you really want that food but you hold out for waiting that the best reprogramming takes place. Keep telling yourself that you want moderation more than anything. Then laud the heck out of yourself every time you opt for it. Try to take the same intensity of feeling into the moments when you need to make the decision to hold back even when it's hard, meaning BEFORE you slip. After that, harshness is counterproductive, as no one really wants to please a hostile taskmaster. (I.e., for failures, mark it and move on. )

Interestingly, Kelly McGonigal (a willpower expert) says that shaming ourselves after a slip makes it more likely we'll do it again, but wanting to AVOID the shaming makes it less so. It's mind-bending but true.

Just about all of us have had to learn this lesson over and over, too. Forgive yourself and do your best to have a green N day. One of the best antidotes!
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 8 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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Bluebell



Joined: 29 Sep 2016
Posts: 569
Location: Hampshire UK

PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 10:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oolala you speak so much sense, I am going to copy your words and paste them onto my notes on my Ipad. Every time I get myself tied up in knots with my eating I am going to remind myself of your post.
I have thanked you many times on this forum, but again, thank you.
(Apologies for hijacking the thread a little Lilybug, I just felt it needed to be said Smile )
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"You'll know where the North Star is ⭐️" - Oolala
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 9307
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 10:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My duty as I saw it. Now I hope it helps!
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 8 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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heatherhikes



Joined: 24 Jun 2011
Posts: 178
Location: uetliberg

PostPosted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 6:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bluebell wrote:
Oolala you speak so much sense...Every time I get myself tied up in knots with my eating I am going to remind myself of your post.


Oolala, I agree with Bluebell Exclamation
You are AWESOME.
________________
hh
_________________
The more forgiving and compassionate you are to yourself while you learn, the better. Berating oneself has been shown to reinforce the behavior you wish to change. Ironic, no? But it's good news! We don't have to be mean to ourselves to win - oolala
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 9307
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 7:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks! Sometimes I feel funny still participating so much here after 8 years- on some days, it's my username a long way down as the most recent poster on thread after thread. But changing eating habits turns out to be so hard for so many people, even when it makes such sense, and it's so gratifying that I'm compelled to stay involved.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 8 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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Lilybug



Joined: 13 May 2017
Posts: 113

PostPosted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 12:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you all for the responses. I have taken them all to heart. It makes so much sense. I suspect, as you say, that my beating myself up about it does make it worse. The rest of the week has been green, although my meals have been large enough.

Even with my whining, I do see that I'm less neurotic around food. The worst is probably that I eat more than I need at mealtime because I'm afraid I won't be able to control myself before the next meal. At least on the N days.

On Tuesday, I actually skipped breakfast. I got busy at work and I remember in the Beck book, there was an exercise to do that. To help yourself realize you weren't going to die if you feel hunger pangs. It was surprisingly easy and pleasant to have a good appetite for lunch.

I'm still not feeling "good" and I'm sure it has a lot to do with weight gain I did not need over the last year. That, and hormonal 50 something issues- I'm seeing a doctor for that...

I have been thinking about what Merry said about why I keep doing what I know makes me feel bad. I suspect its a matter of just NOT doing it enough to have it dawn on me that I don't have to do it.

Please, Ooohlala, keep participating. Your posts help me a lot. Many of you on here keep me believing that there is a way to freedom from this thinking about diet that I've been doing my whole life. As I get older I see that most of my diet thinking has been wasted time. Thanks so much for that.
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oolala53



Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 9307
Location: San Diego, CA USA

PostPosted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 12:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Judith Beck has "mantras" to say to yourself at tough times. One of them I've paraphrased is "I feel so much happier when I make it a habit to stick to fair limitations I've accepted."
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 8 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.
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