Everyday Systems

Allisonmeg · Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2018 2:36 pm Post subject: Hello Allison!

It's been a while and have had a bunch going on. I did end up successfully low carbing from October through January and mostly NO S along with it.
Sadly my younger sister (single mom with 4 school age kids) died over Christmas holidays completely unexpectedly.
As most of you know, this was also our first Christmas without our 17-year old daughter, who passed away in July. Her would-be 18th birthday was this past Saturday which was kind of hard too.

The exciting news is I had a full tummy tuck (and breast lift) on January 30th. After birthing and breastfeeding 6 kids, this has been something I have wanted for a very long time. I am still healing from the surgery, most definitely the most awful, drawn-out pain ever! But I am SO wowed that this is my new stomach when I look down...hello feet!!!

Anyway for this last four weeks, I haven't been able to move too much and have thrown all my eating habits out the window. This has to have been the worst eating I have done EVER. Plus my daily workouts are not allowed for 6 weeks. Now I'm back and ready at my 4 week mark to start holding myself accountable, and I feel relieved to be back with all my fellow No S friends!

B- special K quiche with a slice of cheese (SKQC)
L- Chick fil a salad, lowfat italian
D- Tuna salad on croissant, freshly ground natural almond butter on a cracker, 2 brussel spouts

I ended up with a few random bites of things today, totally a 'forgetting' thing. A lick off a spoon from ice cream and a bite of Lucky Charms (both from making for the kids) . Still, this was a FAR FAR better day than I've had, and I want to make it official on March 1st. I may just skip doing the Saturday, Sunday this week to really kick things off.

Dalia negra · Joined: 10 Jan 2018 Posts: 94 Location: Barcelona (Spain)

I'm sorry for your losses ... Sad

I am glad of your operation and I hope that No S is going very well.

Allisonmeg · Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2018 12:30 am Post subject:

Thank you Dalia negra, I appreciate your kindness <3 <3 <3

Allisonmeg · Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2018 11:06 am Post subject:

Hello March.... Let's get this started!

** Every morning starts with a coffee & foamed milk*

B- banana, SKQC
L- CHICK FIL A salad
D- tuna salad, croissant, rice, hf grapes

Pretty much a carbon copy of yesterday. I enjoyed yesterday's real meals for a change so I just did it again. I had my usual hard time of making dinner for kids without sampling. There was a spoon lick or two but good enough I'll go green for the first day back.

Ugh. end of day mess up while putting boys snacks together...the caramel popcorn in the Chex sweet mix got me. Boo!

ladybird30 · Joined: 07 May 2017 Posts: 172

AlisonMeg - I'm sorry for the loss of your sister, and I hope that March will bring something good for you, Ladybird
_________________
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

Allisonmeg · Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2018 10:34 pm Post subject:

Thank you ladybird, great to still see you here!

automatedeating · Joined: 31 Aug 2013 Posts: 2217

That's pretty exciting about the tummy tuck! I fantasize about doing that someday. Although the recovery does sound pretty miserable.
_________________
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6

Dalia negra · Joined: 10 Jan 2018 Posts: 94 Location: Barcelona (Spain)

Do not worry about having had the red day yesterday, make a mark and keep going! At the beginning it is more difficult Wink

Allisonmeg · Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2018 9:11 am Post subject:

Ok I will NOT worry about that first red. Today is a new day. I've been up since 130am (it's 4am now). I have very bad insomnia these days. My brain doesn't seem to ever want to shut up! So eating a protein bar at 2am will have to stretch until lunch today. That will be a huge challenge feeding the kids breakfast without sampling and even harder not snacking on popcorn by 9am.
Update: All meals the same as yesterday, but the Cosco croissants got me a red at the end of the day. Boo, bad start!

Dalia negra · Joined: 10 Jan 2018 Posts: 94 Location: Barcelona (Spain)

Milk will help you with that, it works very well for me Wink

automatedeating · Joined: 31 Aug 2013 Posts: 2217

I second the milk suggestion. It's always my fall back for the times when I am truly hungry and need to stay green.
_________________
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6

Allisonmeg · Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2018 12:05 pm Post subject:

Yesterday was green and today I will work for the same goal! I had a Special K quiche with cheese. I am never in the mood for this in the morning (love a sugary bowl of cereal) but it really does help my 10am spike.
I usually get shaky, wanting to snack, and this calorie-light, but protein-dense breakfast always does the trick.
To ensure that I eat this, I put it in a sandwich container, add a slice of American cheese and let it thaw in the fridge overnight. Then I pop it in the microwave for a minute and a half....short enough time I don't reach for the cereal!! It's always good once I start eating it, but if I don't do the pre-prep I will instantly reach for the cereal.
Just a thought to share if you have midmorning munchies.

Allisonmeg · Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 10:59 am Post subject:

Yesterday went red at dinnertime. I made every single member of this family something different and ended up sampling a bite of almost everything. I'm great all day and have blown it after 4pm 3 out of 4 days Embarassed

So let's see what Wednesday brings. I also have major insomnia and make coffee every morning at 2 am and still go to bed at 10. That makes for a long day when I eat my breakfast that early.

jenji · Joined: 26 Sep 2017 Posts: 300 Location: Cambridge

Welcome back. I am so sorry about your sister, and I know that holidays and birthdays with your daughter's loss must be raw. Be gentle with yourself. Keep feeding yourself good meals.
_________________
I'm a 48-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7.5"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 174#, BMI 26.9 - 4/11/2018

Allisonmeg · Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2018 12:03 am Post subject:

Thank you Jenji Smile

I do appreciate it.

Allisonmeg · Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2018 12:36 am Post subject:

Today went just like the rest of the week...blew it at dinner. And then there was the melting ice cream from the grocery shop, just begging me to take a bite (then two, then a cone, and so on) On a positive note, I am getting through the first half of the day like a champ!

I know it's because I'm getting stressed out at having my sisters' kids over for the weekend. I cater to them nonstop when they're over because I feel so awful for them. I can't comprehend what it would be like to lose my mom as a kid. And then, we looked so much alike that I honestly think it makes it harder for the 6 year old especially. Plus my own kids resent this lack of focus on them and their weekend being disrupted...
Anyway it's just so complicated and that sounds rude.

I started cardio back on Sunday. I break it up into 2 15 minutes because I can't catch my breath, this tummy tuck is like a tight girdle even without the binder! Plus I'm not actually ok'd for it until I go back to dr next week.
I think exercising will get me back into the groove of things.

Okay, let's get ready for the Thursday where I come back and say I got a green! Tomorrow I will get on here and write each meal down and do a little accounting.

Dalia negra · Joined: 10 Jan 2018 Posts: 94 Location: Barcelona (Spain)

Allisonmeg · Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2018 6:07 pm Post subject:

This could be the day for green! I am determined to start this week off on a good note.

B- special K quiche w/ cheese
L- 2 eggs w/ cheese, salami
D- 2 pieces Mario's pizza

jenji · Joined: 26 Sep 2017 Posts: 300 Location: Cambridge

osoniye · Joined: 22 May 2010 Posts: 1248 Location: Horn of Africa

I'm sorry to hear about your sister. You've had a tough year. It's good to see you are still hanging in here! I wish you many good things!
_________________
-Sonya
No Sweets, No Snacks and No Seconds, Except (Sometimes) on days that start with "S".

Allisonmeg · Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2018 12:22 am Post subject:

Hello, hello! Sorry for the delay...just too busy stuffing my face to write all the reds down Embarassed

!
I really don't know what has gotten into me. I have been having a daily
binge for the last week. I mean, a REAL binge...the kind I haven't done in years. The kind that involves pie, cookies, ice cream, whoppers in one sitting. AND involves my biggest personal No S...SNEAKING. If I'm sneaking, I'm up to no good.
I know the only thing I can do is get on here....when I'm writing on the daily check-in, it makes me use my brain, makes me pause before the bite. I will be here accounting tomorrow...I feel better already!! Smile

Soprano · Joined: 08 Mar 2018 Posts: 65 Location: UK

Given all you have been through for which you have my condolences I think you are doing great, while you have the insomnia I'd be tempted to add in an extra meal to support your body. Imho it's more important to start consistently seeing green days. When you are on track and hopefully sleeping again it will be easy to remove it. It shouldn't be a full blown meal just enough to help see you through the longer day 😀

Good luck

Jx
_________________
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)

Allisonmeg · Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2018 2:31 pm Post subject:

Thank you Soprano, what a great suggestion! Now that you say that, I think that is EXACTLY the problem. I get up and stay up every morning from about 2am. I'm ready to eat something during that time and when I do, I then try not to eat anything else until noon....and then either I fail midmorning or hang in there until dinner and gorge myself. What a simple solution!

Today I've been home alone all morning in the house and have been doing well. I did actually eat a small nut bar at around 4 this morning so pretty hungry right now but waiting on a Chick-fil-a lunch date with hubby.

I'm a big herbal tea drinker, but have just discovered unsweetened almond milk to froth in my coffee. What a nice way to feel like a treat at 15 calories...really helps me get through the hump! (I'm excited for my amazon order of BARISTA blend almond milk that really froths) :P

Soprano · Joined: 08 Mar 2018 Posts: 65 Location: UK

Sometimes it takes someone not so close to the problem, I'm sure it will help.
I have every confidence you can do this now. Looking forward to hearing about your green days Smile

Take care

Jx
_________________
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)

Allisonmeg · Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2018 10:45 pm Post subject:

I really really REALLY thought I'd be hopping on here to post a green day. The entire day went perfectly. I was amazed at my saying no to the 4 separate meals I was making for the kids. My daughter had a special request in for French toast/breakfast for dinner (which I haven't made in years).

I ate my dinner before I made theirs. Usually I sample everything they have but don't officially have a meal.

Well as I'm grilling the 2 pieces of French toast (thinking how fattening this was and how I shouldn't be feeding her this for dinner), my 5-year old splits his eyelid open while jumping on the furniture.

Long story short, I burned the french toast, it was time for daughter to get home. I pulled everything out as fast as I could and remade. I ATE the BURNED french toast as fast as I could before she walked in.

Is it just me or is this completely messed up? Why did I do that? It was over faster than I even processed it. It wasn't good (it was totally charred). I have been here over 3 years and I always have to start all the way over. Why can't I just jump into eating 3 meals a day? I'm a professional at this.

Anyway my son's eye looks horrific. It was still bleeding after 3 hours. I ended up gluing it with Liquid Bandage. I'm sure it was stitch-worthy but after his broken arm and 2 surgeries a few months ago, and everything else that has gone on, I am just dealing with this myself.

Upside: I still worked out, I adhered the rest of the day without doing a WTH, and I'm off to take a shower! I am opposite of being discouraged with this mishap. Writing it down, AKA, confessing is a MAJOR relief. Tomorrow is a new day.

Larkspur · Joined: 06 Mar 2017 Posts: 359 Location: Pennsylvania

Allison, so sorry to hear that! How on earth did he do it? Hope you and he are both okay.

Soprano · Joined: 08 Mar 2018 Posts: 65 Location: UK

Big well done on not sampling the four meals. I hate wasting food, do you have a similar problem? Perhaps that explains why you ate it?

You are on the plan now just keep going I feel a green day on its way

Hope your son is ok

Jx
_________________
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)

Dalia negra · Joined: 10 Jan 2018 Posts: 94 Location: Barcelona (Spain)

It is normal to react with meals to stress situations if we have been doing it for a long time. I would have done the same in your place if I had seen my son like this ... Crying or Very sad

Do not be discouraged, good habits will be established little by little.

I hope your son is better. A hug.

ladybird30 · Joined: 07 May 2017 Posts: 172

Congrats on not giving way to WTH after the burned toast episode.

In my not particularly well informed opinion, you gave way & ate the toast because when we are under stress, we revert to what we have done in the past. Keep on practising not giving way under stress, and eventually that will become habitual too (or at least a lot easier).
_________________
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

Allisonmeg · Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2018 6:10 pm Post subject:

Hello new day! I am trying out the protein bar in the middle of the night...I got up at 1:30 am last night and stayed up the rest of the night. I ate two more bars at normal waking hours. Then hubby and I did our Chick-fil-a lunch (which I just get a side salad and bring my own toppings).

So... with this temporary (insomnia) mod that I thank Soprano for suggesting, I'm feeling like this is going to work.

I'm going to go back to my Special K quiche in the mornings. These nut bars, though no sugar and good protein, are tiny and I don't feel at all satiated. That has got to be part of the problem. Of course I bought a giant box at Costco so I feel under some stupid obligation to eat them since no one else likes them.

And yes...I SO hate wasting food. I'm like the garbage disposal around here--I eat all the leftovers on the kids' plates rather than throw away. I even only give the dogs the 'good' stuff, while I eat the scraps!

If I can just get through this afternoon without eating any of the kids' food, I'll be on my way to a green. Hope to call a victory for today.

Update: Fail
did not make it through the kids' meals. Now if I can just get a one day streak lol!

My next plan of attack is to not get up when I wake up at 1 or 2. I will stay there, take an Ambien and do anything but get up.

Soprano · Joined: 08 Mar 2018 Posts: 65 Location: UK

Hey don't beat yourself up Smile

Re the insomnia what I do on occasions I wake and can't get back off is make a cup of tea read a while in bed they lie down again when I'm relaxed. I usually drop off Smile

What is tempting you with the kids meals? Are you hungry, do you want what they have?

Jx
_________________
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)

Allisonmeg · Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 12:10 am Post subject:

Well it's not like the food they have is so great. My oldest is 24 and my . youngest is 5, and I've spent all those years reinforcing the habit of just having bites of their stuff as I'm preparing and/or whatever is left over. I most always have a large lunch and am not really all that hungry...so I graze. I've been doing it so long, it just is a hard habit to break.

I did it again today too. I had another great day but ruined it at the end (making an ice cream cone for 8 yr old and then taking quite a few bites myself). At least I'm making baby steps on the first 3/4 of the day.
I am still going to honor the No S on Saturday just to keep practicing until I get it!

ladybird30 · Joined: 07 May 2017 Posts: 172

Kudos for the first 3/4 of the day.
_________________
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

Soprano · Joined: 08 Mar 2018 Posts: 65 Location: UK

Recognising and acknowledging the issue is half the solution. Make yourself a promise that you can have a taste of the kids food if you really want to on the condition that first you stop for 20 seconds and acknowledge that you are going to taste it and enjoy it. Then really taste and savour each bite.

Slowing it down and giving yourself permission to eat takes away the feeling of bingeing. You are in control. I bet over time you will find some of it you actually don't enjoy that much and it will become easier to make a conscious choice to not take a bite, especially as you are developing plenty of good habits.

Jx
_________________
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)

Allisonmeg · Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2018 2:42 pm Post subject:

The only reason I'm writing this on here is because I'm eating an ice cream cone as I tell it. Hubby (pilot) is commuting home on early morning flight after all nighter. I just started totally yelling at him on the phone which is just NOT something I normally do. The gist of it being him saying that I don't seem like I'm into him, love him etc. I got extremely defensive and said I do absolutely everything to be a perfect wife and he's lucky. Basically I have checked EVERY box every day of being married for 20+ years and all I hear about are all his friends whose wives are so awful. So he says that I just need to be happy and like watch the freaking birds outside and be happy of nature or whatever. I am furious over this and say that I don't know what he expects when our daughter is DEAD. I am the ultimate failure of a mother when your daughter kills herself. So I don't know where he gets off thinking I should be skipping through meadows just overjoyed that there's a bird in the yard. And I'm sick of him saying I should just be happy. I just AM. That's all I can say. I'm nothing. I don't know what I am. I'm just doing what I'm doing wondering how I'm supposed to raise these last 4 kids when I can't even keep one alive. And so he should be grateful I take care of him EVERY single day and stop criticizing me over every little thing. And that he's one to talk, he's like the unhappiest crabby person ever and has no right telling me to be happy. And I am sick of him telling me how overjoyed he is to look at the blue sky and nature and be happy to be alive... that he's full of bs.

Anyway that's what I blew up and said. And now I have to go pick him up at the airport in 45 minutes. I also just ate another ice cream cone as I wrote that. I pretty much never freak out like that. I really don't know what got into me. And I probably should apologize when he gets in the car, but I know I won't.

It also doesn't help that I pretty much know my sister killed herself too and I think my daughter spurred it on. The autopsy is still pending but she told me she felt exactly like my daughter and if it weren't for her kids, she'd be out of here in a heartbeat. Then when it was 5 month anniversary for my daughter, my sister asked how I was doing and I said pretty good. So I think she took that as, well that's good. My kids can just be sad for 5 months. She was dead 3 days later.

I also have been up since 1 this morning like every other night in the past months, so I'm sure my running on 3 hrs sleep for months is not helping. Thank you for that vent. It's actually my first one.

Octavia · Joined: 25 Oct 2015 Posts: 274 Location: UK

Alison, I wish I had more wise words to comfort you, but words seem very inadequate right now, so I just wanted to send sympathy. It’s amazing you’re still standing, girl, let alone skipping through meadows watching the birds. You’re showing unbelievable strength....and all with a couple of ice creams for comfort! I can’t imagine the pain you have gone through. 💐

Soprano · Joined: 08 Mar 2018 Posts: 65 Location: UK

So much I would love to say to you Alison but it's not appropriate on a forum. You have my full sympathy, stay strong you are doing amazing. Make it up with hubby, he is probably hurting too..........

Thinking of you

Jx
_________________
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)

ladybird30 · Joined: 07 May 2017 Posts: 172

Allison, we are here to listen to you when you need it.
_________________
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

Allisonmeg · Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2018 1:58 pm Post subject:

Thank you so so much everyone. I apologize for my outburst, but I do feel a lot better today having gotten that out of my system. I made up with hubby as soon as he got home. I think that may have been the bug making me eat the way I have the last few weeks. I just needed to let it out.

I still got up at 2, had hot tea and a bar, then a plain croissant at 7. This splitting up really does help out while the insomnia is here. Kids are unexpectedly home because of tornado/storms last night.

I am ready to get a green today. I can do it. I will not count calories and just try to make the next 2 meals 'feel' about 500-600.

I'm so OCD about counting calories. Most of my past No S success has been when I let go of this habit. I keep a diet journal in the kitchen and write in it nonstop...I'm putting it away. This sounds easy but I've done it for so long, I feel like I'm on a float in the middle of a lake and can't swim without it . It is a serious crutch.

ok here we go for a succesful day!

Soprano · Joined: 08 Mar 2018 Posts: 65 Location: UK

Allisonmeg · Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2018 1:30 pm Post subject:

I will burn it, that sounds so freeing!! Everything you said is absolutely hitting the nail on the head. I'm actually going to copy your post and put it on the bulletin board!

And.... I GOT MY FIRST GREEN DAY!

Hubby said I needed to get out last night, so we did and I slept ALL night afterwards. I feel like a million bucks today! Didn't even need under eye concealer 😂

I am feeling confident for a green day today!

Soprano · Joined: 08 Mar 2018 Posts: 65 Location: UK

You cannot know how pleased I am for you.

I suspect that vent may have helped on all fronts

You nailed it girl, go for it now Smile

Jx
_________________
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)

Larkspur · Joined: 06 Mar 2017 Posts: 359 Location: Pennsylvania

So glad you're feeling better & got some sleep ((())).

Allisonmeg · Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2018 9:41 pm Post subject:

Hello, and GREEN for me today...woohoo! I was kind of a fuzzy green or maybe a light red yesterday Laughing

But today, I have nailed it. I even threw a coveted leftover piece of sushi in the TRASH, and have yet to pull a "George Costanza".

oolala53 · Joined: 06 Oct 2008 Posts: 8994 Location: San Diego, CA USA

Big big hugs.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 8 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

Soprano · Joined: 08 Mar 2018 Posts: 65 Location: UK

Great news well done

Jx
_________________
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)

Allisonmeg · Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2018 6:30 pm Post subject:

Not counting calories seems to be the key of getting No S in action for me. The amount of brain space I'm freeing is amazing. I thought I would have a massive meltdown since counting is pretty much all I do in my head. I don't know if you guys have been like me, but I can literally tell you the calorie count of the most obscure of foods. If there was a game show on calories, I will tell you confidently that no one can beat me!

This has been going on since I became a flight attendant way back in 1989. Back then we had to step on a scale monthly right in front of everyone....

Ohhhh the horrors of seeing a 3 (as in 130) creep up... Ha! If I even came close to a 3 again, I'd be dancing in the streets!

Oolala gave me the most wonderful suggestion. Since I always have trouble not eating the kids' leftovers, I can put them on my own plate to save for later. Isn't that brilliant?!I am definitely trying this out today.

Update: I did do the kid's plate thing and it worked like a champ. There was a gray area where I ate some cauliflower leftovers not on that actual plate.

My first hummingbird of the season just visited!

Soprano · Joined: 08 Mar 2018 Posts: 65 Location: UK

Sounds like you are making lots of progress Smile

I'm really pleased for you

Jx
_________________
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

23/03/2018 11st 3.2lb
14/04/2018 10st 13.8lb (BF 37.5%)

oolala53 · Joined: 06 Oct 2008 Posts: 8994 Location: San Diego, CA USA

Not my original idea. Got it from an article about a doctor who lost who also hated the idea of wasting food. He said that allowed him to have food he really liked again later. He ate anything he wanted, but limited it to a certain number of cups a day. estimating when it's sandwich or somethiing. I thought about it and realized I tend to eat the same number of "cups" of dense food a day. It keeps the calories fairly consistent. I'm sure some of them are higher- and yes, but it seems to balance out. I actually don't WANT to eat heavy food every day anymore. I like feeling lighter.
_________________
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 8 years & counting
Age 64
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

Allisonmeg · Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2018 11:50 pm Post subject:

I weighed myself yesterday and have gained 11lbs in under two months. This is not water weight or anything I can smooth over. I had the tummy tuck January 30th and have been self-sabotaging myself from about 5 weeks post. I know the numbers, obviously with all my counting. I have been eating/drinking almost 3000 calories a day.

Most of this has come from my discovery and subsequent obsession of lattes. I even think this could be part of (or most all of) my insomnia. I think I'm so excited to get up and have one (and by one, I mean my mug is 30 oz) that I'm
losing sleep over it.

We have had this frothing machine for 3 years sitting on the counter, and I had never even used it until this year. And now I'm consumed with it. My bar and my "coffee" have been my fuel for sleeping 3 hours a night, thus creating a vicious cycle.

So today, I finally made the break. I washed up the Capresso machine, put it away in the basement, dumped all my half and half, almond milk, and coconut milk down the drain. I put my giant coffee cup away. I pulled my favorite old mug back out and got the Coffee-mate down from the top shelf.

We'll see if this makes a huge difference. I am betting it will as I'm already not even excited for morning now!

Also I should mention that in my horror of the scale, I flushed down the new antidepressants my dr. prescribed in February. I don't know if they had a key in this but they are OUT. No worries though...these were an add-on to my usual a/d so I'm not NOT on something!!