Sheepishly returning...

No Snacks, no sweets, no seconds. Except on Days that start with S. Too simple for you? Simple is why it works. Look here for questions, introductions, support, success stories.

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Sinnie
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Sheepishly returning...

Post by Sinnie » Wed Sep 07, 2005 12:42 am

Well, here I am, with my tail between my legs and head down - but I need help and encouragement badly.

I feel panic-striken and very antsy. I am so incredibly...what is the word...out-of-control with my eating. I need to lose weight and the way I am eating scares me. I wake up every day with the intention of doing a number of things i.e. only eating when I am hungry, counting calories, or whatever - and I NEVER stick to it. By night time I am eating everything.

I just want to cry. This is obviously just a lack of willpower but it's like I forget that I am supposed to be trying to lose weight and just EAT. I am so upset, I have never been this upset or helpless about food.

I am afraid of continuing to gain weight. I am afraid that this will keep happening every single day and I don't know how to stop it.

I really don't know what to do. I am hardly 5'3 and weigh 140 lbs, only 22 years old. This is borderline overweight and I want to catch it before it gets worse.

How do you do it? Please, offer any advice you can, I really need it.

Thank you so much,
Cynthia

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gratefuldeb67
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Post by gratefuldeb67 » Wed Sep 07, 2005 12:55 am

Hi Cynthia!
Sorry you are feeling so desperate and scared..
I am sure if you just try this out and stick with it, it will help restore your feelings of control and faith in yourself..
You really aren't fat, sorry if this goes against what you believe you should be...
Consider yourself really lucky because you are thinking about this before it really becomes an issue...
ps.. Don't go for "perfectionism"... Figure out what you consider to be "normal" and healthy and shoot for it as best you can!!!
pps.. I am sixty five pounds heavier than you, and although you may feel out of control, I hope you find some happiness in knowing that I personally would kill ten people to be 140 lbs!!!!
Be well...
Write often!

Good luck and here's a big hug!
Love,
8) Deb

Nancy in PA
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Post by Nancy in PA » Wed Sep 07, 2005 1:14 am

Hi Cynthia,

Do a search on the Internet for Radiant Recovery. I found that I couldn't do NoS until I'd done RR first, and even then, I've had to make a few modifications in the NoS rules in order to make it work for me.

Best wishes,
Nancy

(And to all the devoted NoSers out there, I apologize for directing someone to a different website. I wouldn't have done it except that Cynthia sounded at the end of her rope, and I can really relate to what she's feeling. I'm counting on the fact that Rinehard cares more about helping people than promoting a particular diet, even if it's his. Again, my apologies.)

Kevin
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Cynthia...

Post by Kevin » Wed Sep 07, 2005 1:23 am

I wouldn't try to think about the whole day when you wake up. Think about eating a big breakfast. Then worry only about the next six hours, till lunch. Then eat a big lunch. Then only worry about the next six hours, till dinner. Then, eat a big dinner.

One stretch to make, one promise to keep.

And hey, if it's just too long, make it four (slightly smaller) meals.

Hide the crap.

Keep your hands busy.
Kevin
1/13/2011-189# :: 4/21/2011-177# :: Goal-165#
"Respecting the 4th S: sometimes."

Nancy in PA
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Post by Nancy in PA » Wed Sep 07, 2005 1:23 am

Ouch! Reinhard, I'm so sorry for spelling your name incorrectly in the post above! If you could only see my red face right now...

Nancy

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peetie
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Post by peetie » Wed Sep 07, 2005 1:27 am

Hi Cynthia,
My reason for coming here was similar to yours. I was out of control with food. Couldn't stop the starving and bingeing cycle, and my binges were starting to scare me they were getting to be so huge and out of control. Even though I wouldn't have minded losing a few pounds, I basically wanted to maintain a constant weight and eat like a reasonably sane person.

I found the structure of this plan helpful, and not overly involved. And with food choices I could tailor to me. Once I started the three meals a day and got a little structure in my life, the emotional eating became tameable. And even though I have overeaten since I started, I haven't had a binge, and I actually lost 5 lbs.!

So, give it a chance, and bring any questions here. This place is full of helpful, knowledgeable people who feel your pain!

Peetie

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reinhard
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Post by reinhard » Wed Sep 07, 2005 2:10 pm

Cynthia, don't be sheepish. It takes many tries for most people to get something like this right.

Willpower isn't something anyone here has all that much of. That's why we try to leverage what little we have with simple, humane, clear-cut rules to build habits that carry us along without much willpower.

The beginning is hard. You'll probably fail a few more times. But decide to stick with it and you'll get through. I'm not against making modifications to the system, as others suggest and have profitably done, but it's important not to jump all over the place. Think of your rational self as a general giving orders to your sub-rational troops. If you keep changing the orders, even if these changes are improvements, the troops will be confused, inefficient, and perhaps even disobedient.

"Striving to better, oft we mar what's well" -- macbeth

Hope something here helps. Keep returning, sheepishly or not, until something does. This isn't a potemkin diet. We're not ashamed of problems, we fix them.

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Blue Daisy
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Post by Blue Daisy » Wed Sep 07, 2005 4:18 pm

Cynthia,

Hi. I could relate very much to "I wake up every day with the intention of doing a number of things i.e. only eating when I am hungry, counting calories, or whatever - and I NEVER stick to it. By night time I am eating everything." I have been doing that for some time too. I came across the No S Diet Home page back in June and it interested me. It sounded sane and simple. After another few months of crazy eating I decided it was time to make a change. So I looked up the No S diet homepage again and found this bulletin board. So here I am into my 3rd day and its been okay so far. But I had to get to a point of being sick and tired of my eating. Like you, I am not obese, look decent in my clothes and have no desire to be pencil thin. I wanted sanity with food. Reinhard's plan is so incredibly sane and simple, but not exactly easy. As I have read in other posts and experienced myself over the past couple of days, old habits die hard. Interestingly it is my thinking habits. I do better if I catch it in my thoughts before I put it into action. My first day at this I kept going to my snack cabinet and refrigerator just to see what was inside. It was like a knee jerk reaction. After about the 3rd or 4th time I was asking myself, "What are you doing?"
I really liked Kevin's advice about taking it in increments. I find if I look to far ahead I get overwhelmed. I think subconsciouly I have been doing just what he suggested for the past couple of days. Then if a food thought comes up in between meals, for example, I'll remind myself I'll be eating lunch in 1 hour or whatever. Then if it happens after lunch, the same thing, I'll remind myself of how long it is until supper. After supper and weekend/holiday oversnacking are my weakest points. I've been able to keep myself busy at night this week, which isn't hard with two sons in school with homework, playing soccer and football. Kevin's suggestion of keeping your hands busy is a good one too. I think I will be definitely using that this weekend to keep from oversnacking. I have some closets and drawers that need cleaning out.


Best wishes,
Tammy

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JWL
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Post by JWL » Wed Sep 07, 2005 8:05 pm

Hi Cynthia,

First of all, I will point out that you have the power to do whatever you want to do.

Getting clear about our will is the first step. The problem with overeating is that we MUST eat or we won't survive, so it's very difficult for us to control bad eating habits. Most other addictions the best thing to do is to stop cold turkey. That's obviously not possible with food.

It's important to admit to yourself that part of you is choosing to overeat, to defy the healthy plan you set out for yourself. In those moments when you observe yourself overeating, or not sticking to the plan you set out that morning, try to ask yourself, "which part of me is making this unhealthy decision?" That part of you most likely is wounded in some way, and needs immediate comfort and compassion. And it is so easy to take comfort in the yummy taste of food, such that our need for quick comfort overrides even what we know to be healthy.

So don't think so much in terms of "I am weak, I have no willpower," but try to identify that part of you that urges yourself toward overeating, and then find out what it REALLY needs. And above all, don't let that part of you "drive the bus" of your consciousness; you'll have no willpower at all if the emotional, wounded part of the psyche gets to drive.

So yeah, our will. It's not so much willpower, but, as Reinhard says, giving our willpower the crutch it needs to learn new habits. This is the essence of the "big choices/little choices" thread a while back.

I'd suggest making a good healthy "big choice," like sticking to No-S. Then, remind yourself on a minute-to-minute basis that your healthy big choice needs to be backed up and strengthened by good little choices. And while you are learning these new habits, love yourself! Give yourself as much compassion as you can muster! Take care of yourself!

I personally found it to be a very fruitful exercise in willpower to fast for 2 days. Not saying you should, but now I have the power to tell myself "what, you're hungry and it's 2 hours until dinner? well, you went without food for 2 days, 2 hours won't kill you."

And then, when mealtime comes, let down all those walls and let yourself really, deeply, enjoy and experience the food you eat. Chew it slowly. Savor it. Love it.

The key is to cultivate a healthy relationship with food, which means not only controlling excess and eating nutritionally, but also really enjoying it. Food tastes good. It's fun to eat it. Appreciate it!

Good luck, and let yourself slip up occasionally! Most likely, any effort at all will be an improvement over what you are doing now.
JWL[.|@]Freakwitch[.]net

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ClickBeetle
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Post by ClickBeetle » Wed Sep 07, 2005 10:45 pm

Well, if I can offer any advice, it would be first of all forget that phrase "just a lack of willpower." We have this problem in our society with a "magical concept" called willpower. No one knows what it is or how to define it or even how to get it. It is said that you either have it or you don't. And it is assumed that a person can turn it on or off at will. And it is assumed that if you can't do something voluntarily it must be because you have none of this magical "willpower."

Well, I think that is all so much birdshot!

And that's where Reinhard has a great point (many great points, actually, but I'll just focus on this one). Whereas no one can tell you what "willpower" is or how to obtain it, HABIT is your friend! And, we on the board can actually TELL you tips on how to get HABIT working on your side.

Start small. Take on one project at a time. Get that under your belt. And then tackle the next little project. Develop supplemental coping mechanisms that help you reinforce your habit.

I'll give some examples. These may not be right for you, but they're just examples. A few years ago, I began "counting vegetables" and aiming at 5 or more each day. After many months of practice, I got so that eating veggies and fruits became second nature. Now that's largely habit for me and I don't have to think about it so much.

Another "supplemental" strategy I use to reinforce good eating habits is only eating off a plate. I no longer reach into krinkly bags and put food in my mouth. Even if I eat potato chips, I get a bowl or plate and a napkin and sit down with them. For me, this helps reinforce the idea of eating mindfully (as opposed to mindlessly).

In your case you might want to just start by journaling what you are eating and when -- without trying to make any changes for a few weeks. Just determine -- are you eating alone? are you in the house all day, at school or at work? are you eating giant meals, or many many snacks? is it carbohydrates you crave, or salt or sausage or what? in the car, or in front of the TV? Arm yourself with information FIRST -- it'll help you decide just what changes you need to make.

Baby, you are only 22 - -and you are starting to realize the importance of eating right SO much earlier than most people do. Don't fret, please don't fret. You are ahead of the game! If you only adapted your eating habits by one increment each year, you would have 3 new good habits by the time you're 25. (I'm not going to say "Do you know how young 25 is??" because for all I know, you do!)

Give yourself a break and try not to beat yourself up. At the end of the day, no one has the right to berate you for eating a particular way. Your ability to eat right is about facts, functions, and solutions, a matter of behavioral psychology and physiology -- not BLAME, MORALITY, or SHAME.
Chance favors the prepared. - Louis Pasteur

Sinnie
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Thank you

Post by Sinnie » Thu Sep 08, 2005 2:03 am

I can't even begin to explain how each and every one of your responses has helped immensely.

One thing that has stood out for me among many posts was this thing called "habit", and it gives me hope. Today I tried to do this, although it didn't turn out perfect, I learned how much of a role habit plays. It really took an effort to remember not to snack, and it's funny how I am generally not hungry when I reach for that snack.

The simplicity here felt so different than constantly eating a bite here and there, and when attempting to count calories, consistently tallying it up. So frustrating! This is just a matter of timing and keeping busy in between.

So this is how today went...

Breakfast: nectarine, whole wheat tortilla with natural peanut butter and small coffee with cream.

Lunch: veggie dog and fries (split with a friend).

Dinner: One beer, split 2 appetizers with a friend (one was chicken quesadillas, the other pita bread with red pepper/cheese dip).

There were a couple deviations. I was so thirsty and my friend was getting a slushie from 7/11 and I ended up getting a small one (and only drank half). My friend was trying to push me to get the big one "because it's a good value" - no thank you! The second mishap was when I got home I had a small piece of bread because I just always eat when I get home. But I took notice and stopped.

I really understand why you are all so fond of this way of eating. I am going to give it a fair shot. It is so easy to sustain in 'real life' because everyone tends to eat at breakfast, lunch and dinner so it never looks like you are cutting back.

I got a chance to read a few of your replies last night before bed. I couldn't believe how fast there were responses. It took my so long to reply because today was my first day back at University and it was a gruelling day from 7am taking the train to just getting home now at 10pm. But if I don't know if I could have done it today without first having all this support. I really can't thank you enough. When I felt like deviating further today, I kept thinking about posting here tonight, and stopped myself.

I feel great right now - not starving, not full. Oh, and I did quite a bit of walking probably an hour or so (to and from school, all around campus, going out to dinner etc!).

Much appreciated,
Cynthia

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gratefuldeb67
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Post by gratefuldeb67 » Thu Sep 08, 2005 2:25 am

Yay Cynthia!!!! Nice to see you are feeling less freaked and stressed! :D
Congrats on choosing the small slushie and not finishing it!!!!!
Good job on turning yourself around and getting on board the NoS train!
It's like a big old diesel engine... Slow, but very powerful, plus you will get great mileage from it and it's hard to derail the thing!
Hey I like that! LOL...
Sounds like you're off to a great start!
Peace and Love,
Deb

cvmom
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Post by cvmom » Thu Sep 08, 2005 2:31 am

Hi Cynthia:

Congratulations. Just hearing about college makes me tired. :lol: You have a lot on your plate (so to speak) right now with school. The good thing about No S is that you really don't have to think. The first few weeks are different, but once the habit establishes itself you will probably find yourself being more productive. You will have ample opportunity to enjoy all those weekend parties too because of S days. So welcome and know that we are all here cheering you on in this endeavor.

Dru

P.S. Please carry a water bottle around during the day so you don't get thirsty. (The mom in me doesn't want you to get dehydrated...)

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ClickBeetle
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Post by ClickBeetle » Thu Sep 08, 2005 2:33 am

Oh my gosh, I just was looking at this thread and I realized it really looks like I was trying to rebut Freakwitch's remarks about willpower. Actually, I thought his advice was really good and it goes a long way toward explaining how to engage your will. I wasn't trying to offer a rebuttal in the least!

Cynthia, glad you had a good day. When & if the not-so-successful day(s) come (and they will if you're like the rest of us!) you just remember we have all had them and you will get plenty of support from this board. In the meantime try to eat good wholesome meals and don't cut back on calories much if at all, 'cause the main thing is to get the three meals habit going first and we want you to SUCCEED!! :)
Chance favors the prepared. - Louis Pasteur

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JWL
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Post by JWL » Thu Sep 08, 2005 2:39 am

Hi clickbeetle, I didn't read your response as a rebuttal at all. In fact, I totally agree with you: willpower is overrated. Say it 10,000 times! Hallelujah My Shovelgloving No-Sing Brothahs and Sistahs!

But yeah, it's more habit than willpower, for sure.

And congrats on a better day! You can do this, it's surprisingly sustainable, and incredibly enough it really does seem to get easier the longer you do it.
JWL[.|@]Freakwitch[.]net

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Tonsha
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Post by Tonsha » Thu Sep 08, 2005 8:32 am

Hi Cynthia! Welcome to the gang!

Congratulations on your first day. You did great! If your 'funny stuff' was half a slushy and a slice of bread, well that's nothing! You've probably already had a better day there than you've had in the last three weeks or so (That's what I used to say to myself when I started No S for the very first time).

It may take a while to build the habit, but you have started and will keep improving if you just work at it from one meal to the next.

My own 'funny stuff' shows up as a drink of hot chocolate or chicken soup from the machine at work (about 3 or 4 in the afternoon). I don't beat myself up about it. I remember that 3 or 4 weeks ago I would have already had 2 lunches and be reaching for a packet of crisps, a twix and a snickers bar at around the same time! My habit is changing and that's the important thing. I've only had 4 of those drinks in the last 2 and a half weeks. That's less than 1 deviation a week.

Just make sure you are comfortably full at the end of each meal. Try and drink water in between meals to keep yourself full. Go to bed early to avoid the late night snacking. And for the next three weeks don't fret about *what* food is on your plate - just have enough of it to last you to the next meal (sweets and snack foods excepted of course :D )

Good luck with day two, and don't forget to create your own daily check in to let us know how it is going!

DaveA
"The best diet is the one you don’t know you’re on" - Brian Wansink

Sinnie
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Post by Sinnie » Thu Sep 08, 2005 12:47 pm

Thanks for all the support guys! I am telling you this is the best support board I have ever come across. We all really seem to be on the same page. I was going to sleep last night thinking of you guys (I remember all your 'screen' names) and saying to myself I don't even know these people but we genuinely care to help each other...there is Deb who is always sooo encouraging on every post, Peetie always offering advice (by the way your picture is gorgeous), and Freakwitch, and Dave and Dru, Blue Daisy, Kevin, Nancy all so helpful and the list goes on!!!!!!!! Reinhard is amazing!!! You are all soooo incredibly wonderful.

ClickBeetle, I believe it was you who spoke of changing habits one at a time so that by the time I am 25 I will have 3 new habits. This whole concept of habit for some reason sheds huge light for me. It's like a feeling of just doing it long enough before it becomes 2nd nature. I am feeling so hopeful.

Well today started off great. I got up feeling so refreshed and not 'hungover' from eating too much before bed. I had breakfast and soon I am off to workout on the treadmill before school (plus I walk about an hour a day when at school). This is going so well! :D I am going to start a daily check in!

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gratefuldeb67
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Post by gratefuldeb67 » Thu Sep 08, 2005 1:19 pm

Cynthia! Good on you!!!
Thanks for you kind remark! LOL!!!
Incidentally, you aren't the youngest NO S'sser...
My son Richard has been actively doing Nos with me since a year ago...
He was on the road to "husky" land, after a year of following my bad example and eating treats on a daily basis...
Okay this is a kid who can't stand still for too long so it wasn't inactivity which made him start getting a little chubby... (It really was just a little, but with those patterns we started to slip into, it could have turned into being truly overweight once he was into young adulthood...)
I am supremely proud of him.. He simply has limited his sweets (and during the Summer I allowed him an extra S per week due to the fact that we live right behind a park and the ice cream man would have been a giant torture machine if the reins were too tight... I just told him it was only till September....)
He has lost three inches of pure fat from his abdominal area....
You know what? He didn't even do NOS perfectly... Just really, he focused on the desserts... I mean, heh, last Summer, if we had cookies for dessert at night, I'd allow him three or four ( equals about 200 calories!!) and then he would sneak another five when I wasn't looking! LOL.....
He is so proud of himself now for all that hard work...
I'm focusing on him, not me, because like you, he will have a great opportunity to forge good and healthy habits for a slim adulthood, and won't have to "undo" all those years of poor eating patterns....
And he is developing a sense of self respect, as you are now, which comes from making the effort and achieving personal success...
NoS is really an exercise in Self Respect and of course self love!
Have fun in college!
Wow!!! It's been 16 years since I graduated music school and walked up to get that diploma!!!
A great time for self discovery!!! I hope to know you for years to come!
Again, congratulations on heeding your inner wisdom and realizing you need to change something... So many people are duped into thinking they will stick to "stupid" diets (Definition of Stupid diet: Anything that's not NoS!!! LOL.....) so really consider yourself blessed that God sent you here...
If you aren't necessarily religious, well, uh then thank the Universal Wisdom, for pointing you to Reinhard....
He da man!!!!!!!!!!
Hey wat you studyin' anyhow!?
Love,
8) Deb

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peetie
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Post by peetie » Thu Sep 08, 2005 3:03 pm

Cynthia, thank you for the sweet words. I love these Avatars because they shrink you down so much you can't see all the details (aka flaws!!!).

I really do like switching the word addiction and substituting "habit". Addiction is so overused in this culture, and has come to be used in so many situations that are merely bad habits. Addiction makes it feel like it is out of our control, but habit is something we created through repitition, so we can UNcreate it too.

Altho...I do think I'm getting addicted to this web site.

Peetie

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