oolala53

Counting carbs/calories is a drag. Obsessive scale stepping is a recipe for despair. If you want to count something, "days on habit" is a much better metric. Checking off days on a calendar would do just fine, but if you do it here you get accountability and support. Here's how. Start a new topic in this forum called (say) "Your Name Daily Check In." Then every N day post a "reply" to that topic as to whether you stayed on habit. A simple "<font color="green">SUCCESS</font>" or "<font color="red">FAILURE</font>" (or your preferred euphemism if that's too harsh) is sufficient, but obviously you're welcome to write more if you want. On S-days just register that you're taking an S-day. You don't have to do this forever, just until you're confident you've built the habit. Feel free to check in weekly or monthly or sporadically instead of daily. Feel free also to track other habits besides No-s (I'm keeping this forum under No-s because that's what the vast majority are using it for). See also my <a href="/habitcal/">HabitCal</a> tool for another more formal (and perhaps complementary) way to track habits.

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ladybird30
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Post by ladybird30 » Wed Sep 05, 2018 12:09 am

Good to see you posting again Oolala.
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

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Post by elegantportions » Tue Sep 18, 2018 1:03 am

Hope your keyboard hasn't totally died.
I am missing your encouragement (to everyone, not just me) ...
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Dec 2018 Year 5 BMI = 25.8 with too many red days

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Post by Strawberry Roan » Tue Sep 18, 2018 7:37 pm

Glad to see you stopped by and all is well, oolala.

I totally get what you are saying and feeling. Every now and then for a few days I just eat like I am a person who just eats. Does that make sense? If I want to eat something, I do. I don't give it too much thought. Usually within a few days, I am not liking the way I am feeling physically so I get back on track.

But everything now and then I just forget that I know what a scale, book, article, website or blog even is. :P
Berry

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Fri Sep 28, 2018 4:22 am

Unfortunately, I never feel like I don't think about what I eat. I almost can't imagine what would make me not give it a thought. But I don't always want to write about it.

That said, I fought the desire to eat after my early dinner. Boy, did it feel unfair! But, no surprise, I'm glad I didn't. Time for bed soon. Ahhhh.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

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Post by lpearlmom » Sat Sep 29, 2018 3:07 am

Sounds like you’re getting back in your groove. Glad to see you posting again!
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Post by ladybird30 » Sat Sep 29, 2018 3:59 am

I often think about what I am going to eat at the next meal. Part of the enjoyment of food.

Jared Diamond in The World Until Yesterday tells a story about two Papua New Guinea village men who had a long conversation - about sweet potatoes. A human constant I think.
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

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Post by lpearlmom » Sat Sep 29, 2018 4:52 am

I agree ladybird. Nothing wrong with looking forward to food.
"Above all, be the heroine of your life and not the victim.†Nora Ephron

3/14-210 lbs;
3/15- 202 lbs;
1/16- 172 lbs;
9/17-177 lbs;
1/18-162 lbs;
9/18-154 lbs;









Instagram "lpearlmom"

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Sat Sep 29, 2018 7:12 am

Red in the afternoon, but not in the evening. Feels good.

I wish I could say it is simple looking forward to food. It's not, but I'm going to leave it at that.

I hope I can resist having a dribble drabble S day tomorrow.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

3squaremeals
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Post by 3squaremeals » Sun Sep 30, 2018 12:52 am

I also feel like I over think everything I eat. It's so hard and I just wish I could eat my 3 meals and be done with it. My overthinking of my food choices is one of the main reasons I binge. Not the hunger or anything else. I feel like every meal has to be perfect in my mind or I think WTH and give up for the day.

Great work on keeping your evening green.

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Sun Sep 30, 2018 3:50 pm

I will sometimes purposely have especially un-ideal meals just to offset that desire for the perfect meal. But to be honest, I am happier when I can eat food I consider to be better quality. I don't have to have organic or fancy, but I've been biased by reading about the Blue Zones and Valter Longo. Starches or starchy proteins are the crux of the meal, with bread playing a minor role. And not fried. I do a lot of cooking plain stuff and then adding commercial sauces with as few ingredients as possible. I'm sparing with them most of the time.

Especially when eating out, I have to make more of an effort to limit my portions because it's SO easy to overeat restaurant food. It's less fun to eat out than it used to be.

But no matter what, it boils down to when am I more unhappy, in the moment when I have to hold out against the desire to eat, or later, when I feel too full and I'm wishing I hadn't eaten as much?

Last night, I ate more than expected because I didn't know there was going to be snacks at a music event I went to. There was an Indian dish that is almost never served in restaurants, so I had some. Thankfully, by the time I got home, I felt pretty much in balance. This morning, I'm meeting a friend for an early movie (belated birthday celebration!) where there's free coffee with the discount ticket, so I'm holding out for that today. I think that will tide me over until after the movie; there's a Greek restaurant next door.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

wahine
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Post by wahine » Sun Sep 30, 2018 6:20 pm

Thanks for your encouragement on my check in oolala. It’s nice to feel someone might read what I write!! T seems like you’ve been loyal to this site all the time I’ve been away which is impressive.

What is Valter Longo?

I am influenced by the Blue Zones and also the environmental advantages of plant based eating. I’m trying to get a base of 10 different beans and pulses recipes that I like....
Kate
Start BMI 30.3
Restart September 2018 31.6

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Tue Oct 02, 2018 5:31 pm

I'm doing my quarterly eating program. It's interesting how I am more willing to brush aside the thoughts of going off it when I haven't been able to do that over the last few months on Vanilla. Part of it is that I believe the payoff is worth it, though it's a total gamble. My body won't do what it's supposed to do if I don't stick to the plan. It's forcing me to get hungry, but it's happening with a fair amount of restriction. And I know it's temporary, like taking a series of meds for an infection. Weight loss was never enough of a motivation for me; plus, it's so unusual to be able to do something to lose for a period of time and then maintain without keeping pretty close to that plan, although in the old days when I read more reviews of other diet books, I would come across those people. The exceptions! And there has been no other plan that looked sustainable.

Being more prescriptive about my meals is at least for now making me more inspired after this to get more planful about using the foods in my freezer and cabinets. It was actually relaxing last spring when I was making lists of what I would use up each day and checking the items off as I made my meals. But I had fewer portions, so it was easier to see how they fit in to the big picture. Not sure how I'm going to handle it, but I have a few days to ponder it. It's likely going to involve a fair amount of repetition, but what's the difference between that and people eating chicken made different ways for days in a row? I just don't rotate meat in very often anymore, so other foods are in the rotation more often. I think slim cultures tend to eat similar items more often than we think.

Got my flu shot and a pneumonia shot yesterday. I passed the threshold for eligibility for getting that as a routine last week- age 65. Guess my odds of contracting it go up from here on out.

The weather is perfect for yard work, yet here I sit inside. Sigh. That's just one of a list of tasks I'm avoiding. It's so much like making eating changes. We choose the behavior that's less painful until either luck intervenes OR the balance shifts and the other behavior becomes more painful.

Let's see if I can go set the time and start rotating through tasks.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

oolala53
Posts: 9519
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Wed Oct 03, 2018 5:55 pm

Been using a nutrition tracker for my temporary program. I finally got a good kitchen scale and it's pretty fun to use when I need precision. I picked a week that's clear of most anything that would get in the way. I'd been just figuring out what to have at each meal on the fly, putting in each item and seeing how it affected the macros. Then I remembered that years ago, on my one bout, successful, with WW, I would often plan the whole day. (The meals I worked out on WW were what I would often use as my go-to's for my first years on No S. Influenced by previous diet books I had read but had never really used. I was actually a very weak dieter!) So I went ahead and planned the second meal. (The calorie count is such that I'd rather have just two meals with a coffee in between and a minimum 16-hour fast overnight, though that's not a requirement of the protocol.) It's actually kind of relaxing to know it's already figured out. I'm going to get fed!

I think after this is over, I'm going to start looking ahead in my stores and figure out on a daily basis what the meals will be, or at least the dense parts, so I know in the morning what I will have for dinner. I didn't need to do that way back when though, I did use the divided plate guidelines for most meals, and usually had the ingredients for good meals, including veggies. I made sure I knew what my fat source would be and sometimes a refined starch item that I could look forward to.

I find myself wondering if I could aim at having a couple of days a week look like these days. I was pretty darn hungry before my morning and late-afternoon meals yesterday-Day 2-, but not last night and not this morning, really. But every time I think I'll be able to extend some regime I've adopted temporarily for other purposes, the food thoughts increase. I don't know whether it's psychosomatic or a direct reaction of the body resisting the attack on its food sources.

And that's enough stewing on this issue for now.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

oolala53
Posts: 9519
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Thu Oct 04, 2018 7:25 pm

Well, I was hoping today would be a little easier on my plan. I'm feeling the lack of food sooner between eating times than I hoped. And I can't use my coffee strategy soon, either. Oh, well. I can live with it for now. I just keep reminding myself that I don't believe I can get the same benefit any other way I'm willing to commit to, all of which would be a lot more long term than this. Just take the "meds!"

I'm also dreading confronting a pest/insulation company I want a partial refund from. I have to drive a ways to do it, but the honcho has been avoiding my phone calls. They've been out three times to seal my house and I still hear the critters sometimes. I think they should give me a few hundred dollars back so I can hire someone else for that part of the deal. They did clean things out well and put in new insulation, but the sealing? I know the rats have started to mess things up again. The company is not willing to do this kind of repair work any day but Sunday and that is not okay with me. I've called multiple times and am being ignored. That alone is enough to make me furious, but that is not helpful on the phone. It actually sometimes is in person, though it feels lousy later.

Update, I tried one more time to call the rat company and got the honcho in Northern California. He talked me into letting someone come out a couple more times. I don't like having to tell my tenant that people need to keep coming back into her patio space, but here I am. He said after five attempts, it would be feasible to talk about a partial refund. But I'd much prefer it not having to come to that. The first guy that did this for me, just the sealing. was successful on the first try. No sounds for 18 months. But he doesn't do cleanup so the next time I heard the scuttling. I went for doing the whole kit and caboodle. $2800.

Oh well, onwards.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

jenji
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Post by jenji » Thu Oct 04, 2018 10:34 pm

What is your quarterly eating program? I remember your cabinet cleanout - I felt vicariously that it would be satisfying to do that.
I'm a 49-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7.5"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 168#, BMI 25.9- 11/18/2018

oolala53
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Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Fri Oct 05, 2018 3:52 am

Sent you a PM, jenji. I've written about it other places and it's not very No S, but I'm fine with sharing separately for those who ask.

Not to navel-gaze here, but I've eaten around 700 calories today, and high fat, which is the program. I feel perfectly content right now. But I'm not sorry tomorrow is the last day. It will be great to go back to being more relaxed. And I hope I've relearned to stick to my old plan again. It allows for so much! Yet I also know the body does like to help the pendulum swing, so I will need to heed, especially since it will be S days. Need to keep to my mod of S's in company only. That still allows for plenty of delicious food.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

oolala53
Posts: 9519
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Sun Oct 07, 2018 6:13 am

Going to try reporting my S's for awhile

tastes at Costco (1-2 bite sizes)
Belvita bar
Vitamix drink
Greek yogurt
beef stroganoff
lamb shank
bisque

at philosophy class (with birthday cake and flan- my birthday)
macaroon
half each small scone and peach pastry
cashews
chocolate mousse cake
flan

I realized from this last week that what I really want is NOT to feel too full when I go to bed at night. In the past, I probably would have said it would be okay, or even that I should eat some real food after all the dessert stuff, but I've done that and felt pretty crappy for the rest of the night. I quit eating after the flan and that was around 3 p.m. It's 11 now and I'm going to bed soon. I feel a tingle of hunger, and I like it! I'm so glad I didn't eat anything else. I doubt I'll wake up hungry. I rarely do, no matter how long it's been since I ate. Besides, if I do, I can eat!

Not the ideal way to end my mod week, but I don't turn 65 every year.

I often eat a fair number of sweets at the philosophy class, plus some snack foods that they set out, too. I just have to decide if that's worth it to me, given that it means I will likely skip dinner. I like getting to eat around other people and almost always have dinner alone, so for now, I think it's worth it. My meals the rest of the time are fairly nutrient-dense.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

Soprano
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Location: UK

Post by Soprano » Sun Oct 07, 2018 7:32 am

A belated happy birthday :)

Great that you were able to enjoy your day with food you wanted. It's so important not to feel you are missing out.

So pleased you went to bed feeling positive and in control.

Jx
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

automatedeating
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Post by automatedeating » Sun Oct 07, 2018 6:31 pm

Happy Birthday!!!!!
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

wahine
Posts: 193
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Location: New Zealand

Post by wahine » Sun Oct 07, 2018 6:46 pm

Happy birthday ðŸ’
Kate
Start BMI 30.3
Restart September 2018 31.6

3squaremeals
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Location: Australia

Post by 3squaremeals » Mon Oct 08, 2018 12:51 am

Happy Birthday!! Hope you enjoyed your day 🙂

oolala53
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Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Mon Oct 08, 2018 2:24 am

TX!

S's today
about 1/3 of leftover dessert as I cut it into portions to freeze
a chunk of banana
a few dates out of the container that fell open as I was rearranging items in the freezer
the rest of the banana

The last two were because I'm pretty sure Im going to be up late grading papers and I don't want to get hungry and eat. I think even just those extras will bolster my last meal. I am allowed coffee with half and half.

In anxiety mode over going back to work tomorrow and having to stay up late to finish work I promised a colleague I"d have done by the time of our return. The stress of procrastinating is SO similar to the stress of overeating, but the remedy of systematic work earlier on is apparently still more stressful-sounding than this. Gawd help me. Would SOMEONE please give me the money I can save and the extra pension money I'll get by working until next June so that I can quit early and not face regret if I cave to the pressure and retire soon? Of course not; we each have to roll the die.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

ladybird30
Posts: 504
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 10:41 pm

Post by ladybird30 » Mon Oct 08, 2018 5:36 am

Happy Birthday Oolala.
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

User avatar
Octavia
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Location: UK

Post by Octavia » Mon Oct 08, 2018 4:21 pm

Happy birthday from me! ðŸ’🎂ðŸ¾

Soprano
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Location: UK

Post by Soprano » Mon Oct 08, 2018 4:26 pm

Next June will be here before you know it, hope things improve in the meantime.

An alternative is to look for a job now that you could continue for a few years into retirement....

Jx
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

automatedeating
Posts: 3217
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Post by automatedeating » Mon Oct 08, 2018 11:15 pm

Just another burnt out teacher swinging by your thread today -- I know you feel my "hate my job" pain. Hang in there. June will be here before you know it.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

oolala53
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Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Wed Oct 10, 2018 12:11 am

Well, Soprano, that idea of looking for another job put things into perspective! Honeslty, I've said that in the last five years, if I there was a job I WANTED to do for even $20,000 a year, I would quit and go do it. I just don't like doing things that others pay you for! I like to do the things I pay other people to teach me to do, and which I am pretty much still a beginner at at age 65. Some to the tune of $80-100 an hour. Sigh.

Even though people say the year will go quickly, today as we went through another staff development day, in the face of so much of what is expected and who I am expected to be with teens, it felt very much again that I am in such the wrong place. At the same time, I saw that across the district, my student constituency is not doing well, so it's not just me. We also saw data that said that the kind of teaching I do in partnership with another teacher, which I have been saying for years is not that effective, though it's easier on me and has saved my sanity, is just as I thought. Low down the scale on the effectiveness ratings. But it's an accepted practice in SpecEd. They don't know what else to do! I know my principal isn't going to buck that this year, which is good for me. I don't need my own class.

The rat exclusion company sent a tech who said he thinks he found where they've been getting in and repaired the opening. I guess I just have to accept that they might keep getting in and the company has to come fix the problem. When I bring this up in mixed company, the men often say they know how to keep them out, as if it's so simple and I'm going to do what they do. Well, I'm not. Are they offering to do it for me? Of course not. And of course, my property and situation is different.

Maybe I'll get more handy in retirement. However, I think I'm more like my brother, who apparently is living with a hole in the floor of his mobile home that he claims he can fix (been months) and might not even have hot water. So, I'll spend the filthy lucre I earn in the deal I made with the educational devil on services when I get exasperated enough to put up with the aggravation.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

Soprano
Posts: 518
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2018 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Post by Soprano » Wed Oct 10, 2018 6:13 am

Something that I have come to truly realise this last year or so is that making changes to make our life better is not always easy and even when we decide to commit may not be possible. But what we can change is our attitude to a situation and our thought processes about it. Therein lies true peace. Not easy but with some concerted effort it can make you feel happier.

I'm still working on it by the way :) but I am happier with my lot despite it not being everything I want.....

Jx
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

jenji
Posts: 549
Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2017 5:00 pm
Location: Cambridge

Post by jenji » Wed Oct 10, 2018 3:51 pm

Happy belated birthday!
I'm a 49-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7.5"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 168#, BMI 25.9- 11/18/2018

oolala53
Posts: 9519
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Thu Oct 11, 2018 11:55 am

Well, it's 4 a.m. and I feel like telling someone, but I don't think it's necessary to wake anyone else up yet. I got a call from a deputy coroner telliing me my brother, who lives about 100 miles away, was killed in an auto accident last night around 11. She thinks he probably had a heart attack or stroke from the evidence of the accident, hitting a curb twice and then a brick wall. There were no outer injuries on the body-airbags deployed- and apparently it happened near a supermarket- no place a lot of speed would have been involved. And no other cars or people, thank goodness.

I have to tell you that my brother and I were not close. If you've been reading my thread, you know we found out that he had rather serious mental issues, but was being treated. Finding that out helped our relationship because it explained how nastily he had treated me at times over the years. I felt a sense of compassion for him, but we still had not had a conversation for probably two years. I'm just admitting that I'm not all torn up and haven't even felt like crying, although I will at some point I"m sure.

Because of the circumstances, his body cannot be released for at least a week, so there is no service to rush to get to. My niece, who has been involved with him more closely since his psychotic episode last spring, will be stepping in for a lot on this. I debated whether to even take the time off from work now since there will be no service now. AND we just got back from a two-week break, two classes of students have a big project that all the 10th grade classes are scheduled to complete over the next few days, and my partner teacher is also gone because his brother is getting married. And I feel weird that any of that would even play into it. If it had been my sister who died, I would not have hesitated. Could I really go to my part time job the day I find out my brother died? Yes, I actually could have. I'm telling you, I think I've had to steel myself so much just to be there that I feel like I could just get through it if I had to almost no matter what. Am I being mature or icy? What would have to happen for me to be so torn up that I couldn't function? I don't even know.

But I did finally set up for a sub for me for the next two days. I'm just going to go and insist my niece let me help. I offered last spring, but she kept saying it was handled. It's about a 2-hour drive so if after a day it looks like there is nothing that useful I can do until later, I can come back.

I'm waiting to call anyone else. My sister lives in Idaho and there's no reason to wake her up. She's probably going to fall apart. It will be a problem for her to come to California for services because as of now, my brother-in-law can't travel by plane. It will be complicated. But we are probably all who will be there for anything. As far as we know, he had no friends. He retired several years ago. I don't know if anyone he knew from that would show up to anything. I really know so little about these things. I've been to only three funerals in my life, two of them my own parents.

I'd almost feel better, as paradoxical as this may sound, if I were crying and feeling terrible.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

jenji
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Post by jenji » Thu Oct 11, 2018 12:50 pm

I’m sorry about your loss and your complicated feelings about your relationship. Be gentle with yourself during this period. Grief with mixed feelings can be harder in some ways. I hope these days help you reconnect with your niece and sister and anyone else important to you.
I'm a 49-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7.5"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 168#, BMI 25.9- 11/18/2018

automatedeating
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Post by automatedeating » Thu Oct 11, 2018 2:00 pm

I'm very glad you are taking the time off work. I hope your niece is able to accept your help. Since you are not broken up you can be a very good source of strength for your sister and your niece.
Take care.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

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Post by Soprano » Thu Oct 11, 2018 6:24 pm

I'm sorry for your loss, I know you are not feeling it as such now but keep a watchful eye on yourself, you never know how you may react even a year down the line.

Hugs

Jx
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Thu Oct 11, 2018 7:11 pm

Tx
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

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Post by ladybird30 » Fri Oct 12, 2018 5:43 am

Hi Oolala,

there are so many details to take care of when a family member dies, even if you weren't close, that you might be able to help your niece with. My sympathies for your loss.
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

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Post by TexArk » Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:37 pm

So sorry you are having to go through this at this time. It is difficult even when you don't feel the loss. As others have said, your niece can use your help and wisdom and won't have to bear all the decisions alone. Thinking of you.
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Octavia
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Post by Octavia » Fri Oct 12, 2018 9:21 pm

So shocked and sorry to hear your news. Not surprised you feel strange in the circumstances. One thing I’ve learned about life is that I never seem to have the right feelings at the right time, and everything I do feel seems to come out weirdly. Maybe you’re the same. It seems to me from your reaction that you are incredibly kind, responsible and strong. Take care x

Larkspur
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Post by Larkspur » Sat Oct 13, 2018 1:06 am

Oh dear. I'm so sorry this happened and sorry that you are struggling with your feelings about it. I do believe in "all feelings are valid" and certainly it makes sense that you don't feel sharp grief for someone who was not particularly likeable or good to you, as it sounds here. I wouldn't discount the effect of shock. I hope this is an opportunity to connect closely with your niece and sister. Best wishes.

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Post by 3squaremeals » Sun Oct 14, 2018 12:10 am

Sorry to hear of your loss xx

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Post by cedar » Sun Oct 14, 2018 4:07 am

So sorry Oolala, sending you best wishes and kind thoughts.

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Sun Oct 14, 2018 5:52 pm

Thanks, everyone. I got home last night and there was a lovely flower arrangement from the school I work at. It kind of choked me up in a way that nothing had so far. Then later, it did hit me: though my brother hadn't played a "brotherly" role in my life, he is the only other person alive besides my sister who had known me my whole life. Not that he knew me well; not that any of them really know me well. But he was there for it all. Especially since he was older. My sister was eight and he was four when I was born.

My brother had all kinds of little shopping lists around the house, sometimes several on the same piece of paper, on different folded sections. He and I had had a very serious falling out when my mom died so that I was willing to talk with him only when other people were around to have witnesses. He had never been one to send cards, but I found a list that had getting me a birthday card on it. He must have made that list this year. He didn't get it for me, but finding that list was priceless. My niece also told me that she was in a session with him with a psychiatrist in which he told about what had happened when my mother died and that he really regretted it. But I know it was just too hard for him to say he was sorry. That's okay. He struggled terribly with anxiety and fear of others' opinions, and I know I never told him of things I was sorry for. I feel blessed that I know of his regret and glad to know that my niece told him of my concern for him back in the spring.

Been eating haphazardly. Oh, well. Haven't eaten today; I have that kind of paradoxically hollow and full feeling at the same time. It's actually similar to feelings I've had other days, especially Sundays and I've always been glad I just waited until hunger felt more obvious.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

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Post by automatedeating » Sun Oct 14, 2018 9:10 pm

Oolala, I am so glad you went to see your niece and got to experience seeing those lists! I really don't have words; I'm amazed and grateful for this small gift for you in this difficult time.

And Yay for your coworkers that thought to get you flowers! Yes!
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

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Post by Larkspur » Mon Oct 15, 2018 2:04 am

So glad you got those small gifts-- the thought that counted, and the regret for his behavior towards you at a painful time.

I hope there are more such small graces and that you continue healing.

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Post by lpearlmom » Mon Oct 15, 2018 2:08 am

So moved by your story. Hugs to you during this difficult time. 💜
"Above all, be the heroine of your life and not the victim.†Nora Ephron

3/14-210 lbs;
3/15- 202 lbs;
1/16- 172 lbs;
9/17-177 lbs;
1/18-162 lbs;
9/18-154 lbs;









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oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Mon Oct 15, 2018 3:30 am

Thanks. It had actually gotten more and I broke down several times, the last one feeling like what people call a panic attack. Is this grief? Feel like I can't concentrate on anything but this stuff and some unpacking. Part of it was imagining what it was going to be like going in to work tomorrow and anticipating some insensitive teen being a jerk. But teens will be jerks. If I can't take it, aren't I the one who shouldn't be going in? But we are so far behind and there are tasks coming up that I'm responsible for. I was hoping to make progress They are the major reason I'm assigned to the class. It's only going to get worse if I put it off. Of course, if I had been in an accident and was laid up, they would somehow have to go on.

The process that builds up to crying is so rough but it feels better afterward. I had even written my psychiatrist and asked for a telephone consult tomorrow or Tuesday and now I'm not even sure if I need it. But if he'll give me 15 minutes, I'll take it.

But I'm also feeling exasperated because I had all day to finally finish grading some papers and I still didn't do it. Someone had asked my spiritual teacher about regret and he said, just try to do the right thing, what you know is the right thing. Regret is from not doing what you know is the right thing. Even with my problem right now, it really would have been worth it to pull those papers out. Maybe it would be now, but it will be a surprise to me if I do. I'm ready to take my night meds and try to sleep.

Believe me, I am just mulling this over thoughtfully, not bashing myself. Just seeing the elements of what is going on. Just like with overeating, when we get clearly that it's causing more misery than it's avoiding, it gets easier to do the hard work in the moment. But I can tell you, the unpleasantness of correcting papers goes on a lot longer than the overeating urge...
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

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Post by automatedeating » Mon Oct 15, 2018 11:35 pm

We're here for you. Your tribe.
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8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

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Post by Larkspur » Mon Oct 15, 2018 11:52 pm

Wouldn't your employer understand about giving you a couple of days after the death of your brother? It seems to me you need a little time. ((()))

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Post by wahine » Tue Oct 16, 2018 9:51 am

Remember try to be as kind to yourself as you would to your dearest friend. Of course it’s your choice what you do with work and what is best for you. But I agree, think about giving yourself a bit more time?
Kate
Start BMI 30.3
Restart September 2018 31.6

jenji
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Post by jenji » Tue Oct 16, 2018 4:57 pm

Wishing for you to have some space to feel your feelings. xoxox
I'm a 49-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7.5"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 168#, BMI 25.9- 11/18/2018

worth it
Posts: 445
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Post by worth it » Sat Oct 20, 2018 12:08 am

Oolala,

I am stopping by to send my condolences, but also my thoughts, hugs and positivity. I know I don’t speak for myself when I say we are all thinking about you.

sharon227
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Post by sharon227 » Sat Oct 20, 2018 3:01 am

I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is very very difficult - physically as well as emotionally. Your feelings may be different if you were very close to someone than if you weren’t, but the death of a family member is very hard no matter the relationship. Be kind to yourself and remember that exhaustion, difficulty concentrating, and having less patience are all to be expected.

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Sun Oct 21, 2018 9:09 pm

Yeah, part of it is that not only was the death so sudden but his effects are being dismantled so quickly. Just about everyting that could be salvaged is out of his trailer and that could be gone in another week or so. His truck will go to the auto wreck yard if it hasn't already. I think I got out of it everytihng we might want. Most things were in such terrible shape that I just left them but now I'm kind of feeling panicked at times, thinking, well, let's take a few more things; we can always trash them later. Let me be clear that we are talking about stuff that would fit in the space of a square yard or two. I'm not going to be filling up a storage space with it.

After being told it would be at least two weeks before there would be an autopsy, I got a call late Friday that the body was ready. The rep said that if the mortuary hadn't been called already, they would be Monday and the body transported that day. We have an annual short testing day at school Wednesday that is a good day to take off, so the family is planning the viewing for that morning. I'll go north late Tuesday afternoon, attend the viewing in the morning, and drive back that evening. I have my last student progress meeting on 10/31 and I may opt for another day or two of bereavement after that. Understand that it is almost as hard to take days off as a teacher as to just go in under tough circumstances, so I won't necessarily be cheating myself. I'll play it by ear.

Eating has been erratic. Not stressing about it.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

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Post by ladybird30 » Tue Oct 23, 2018 4:26 am

oolala53 wrote:Yeah, part of it is that not only was the death so sudden but his effects are being dismantled so quickly.
Sometimes if we have a dead persons belongings, it is as if that person is still with us in some way, or at least a part of them is.

There is also the sadness that comes with seeing a persons life reduced to a sad remnant of not very much. I hope there was more to your brothers life than that. (Forgive me if I am being too personal).
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

sharon227
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Post by sharon227 » Wed Oct 24, 2018 11:59 pm

Yes, take the things you feel you might want. I took a load of things from my parents' place, and they sat for awhile until I was ready to go through them. Some things I needed at the time and could then let go; other things I'm still really happy to have.

It will change over time. It's hard to imagine now, but the stress of that will ease. I was freaked out for months for not taking my Mom's beautiful winter coat that actually didn't fit me well at all. But I finally realized that there was no reason to have taken it. Better someone else gets real joy out of it. I have other things of hers. And she was a lot more than the sum of her things.

Immediately after loss, though, as ladybird said, the things feel very important. And, at that time, they are.

Take care of yourself as you can. Be as kind to yourself as you can.

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Thu Oct 25, 2018 4:52 am

Well, his mobile home is gone to Mexico. A new one is already up in its place, much bigger. His truck was totaled. I went for the viewing today and very glad I did. I didn't ask to see anything else Kim's family might have salvaged. Oh, I did ask for a couple of small kitchen appliances I will keep in storage because I don't have room on my counters. And I had eyed a rake, but all in due time. I have a few small items and they will be enough.

I feel a bit as if I have been up for 24 hours. I hope to sleep solidly, but I have my meds if I don't! Two more half work days before the weekend.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

automatedeating
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Post by automatedeating » Thu Oct 25, 2018 1:40 pm

Good luck resting. I'm glad you went to see the home one last time.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

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Post by jenji » Thu Oct 25, 2018 2:47 pm

Sending a hug. Get sleep if you can and be gentle with yourself. Juggling work and bereavement is tough.
I'm a 49-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7.5"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 168#, BMI 25.9- 11/18/2018

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Post by elegantportions » Thu Nov 01, 2018 6:28 pm

So sorry to hear of your struggles. I was touched that you turned to us that horrible morning at 4 a.m.
Once again you have been a great encourager to me. Back on Sep 30
oolala53 wrote:But no matter what, it boils down to when am I more unhappy, in the moment when I have to hold out against the desire to eat, or later, when I feel too full and I'm wishing I hadn't eaten as much?
Now if I can just remind myself of this gem in the moment of temptation...
EP
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Dec 2018 Year 5 BMI = 25.8 with too many red days

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Post by eschano » Fri Nov 02, 2018 9:41 pm

I’m so so sorry for your loss oolala. I’m quite shocked this has happened.
eschano - Vanilla rocks!

July 2012- January 2016
Started again July 2018

Larkspur
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Post by Larkspur » Mon Nov 05, 2018 1:28 am

Hope you're okay, Oolala.

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Tue Nov 06, 2018 7:37 pm

Moving along. The intensity is diminishing. I'm repeating myself but the speed has been incredible. His mobile home is gone to Mexico, it having been completely cleared before removal; a new one is on the property and probably the new resident there. All possessions have been distributed. My niece even got the check for the mobile home. She'll probably hand out small amounts to family as we agreed on soon.

I keep telling myself I have to organize my stuff in case something similar happens. The odds are against it happening soon for me, but my situation is much more complicated. I actually feel for families where there are a lot of assets involved because it keeps details in the mind for such a long time. I imagine expecting something also messes with the emotions, possibly building up resentment.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

jenji
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Post by jenji » Wed Nov 07, 2018 6:16 pm

You have got through a terrible and sudden onslaught of emotions and work. I hope that the next few months are simpler and allow you to process the loss.

I, too, feel overwhelmed by my possessions sometimes. I give a lot away on my Buy Nothing group on Facebook (like freecycle), but every surface somehow gets covered if I look away for ten minutes.
I'm a 49-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7.5"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 168#, BMI 25.9- 11/18/2018

oolala53
Posts: 9519
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Wed Nov 07, 2018 9:13 pm

Thanks, Jenji. I’ve actually gotten rid of a fair amount. I want to try to find those who might really use what I don’t want/need anymore but even with social media, I don’t have an easy time with the pics/posting/getting it to an appropriate place that is accessible but not a burden on neighbors.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

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Post by Bluebell » Fri Nov 16, 2018 7:43 pm

Oolala I have just caught up with your thread and sad news. I want to offer my condolences, what a shock it must have been to lose your brother in that way. You have been such an amazing voice of support on this forum, reaching out to strangers to offer advice, encouragement and kind words. I hope you are looking after yourself and that you are coping as well as you are able. Sending virtual hugs and love,
Bluebell
"You'll know where the North Star is &#11088;&#65039;" - Oolala

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Post by oolala53 » Fri Nov 30, 2018 2:40 am

Thanks, Bluebell. The intensity is over. I'm sure thoughts about him and our experience will come and go, more so if I spend much time with family on the holidays, but that doesn't seem to be in the offing. It's fine. It's all part of the unfolding.

My eating is crappy. I feel crappy a lot of the time. I can feel that I'm sick of it and still go eat. There, I've said it. I don't know what is going to save me. But I'm not in despair. I can't even say I'm ready to do anything about it. I guess I'm not sick enough of it.

Just goes to show how seductive our food environment is. Such a good (mostly) run for eight years!

It might help that I'm RETIRING at the end of December. An early retirement offer and I'm taking it. My work schedule was different than it had been in my more successful years and I was finding it harder to stick to meal times. Also, I got back into the habit of stopping at old haunts for food on the way home, and tripping those wires... well, what can I say. This was all going on before my brother's death, so I don't think that really played much of a part

. So, maybe getting out of that work/eat rut will help. I know it can be hard to have to determine meals on my own, but I think I've often done fine during work breaks. No way to tell until I do it.

I'm so glad to think the job is ending, but there is also some fear about other retirement concerns. Just have to face them as I go.

My bluff is being called...
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

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Post by lpearlmom » Fri Nov 30, 2018 5:13 am

Yay! I’m happy for you even though I know you have worries. I think getting rid of that huge stressor in your life will really help with things.

Look forward to hearing about your next chapter.
"Above all, be the heroine of your life and not the victim.†Nora Ephron

3/14-210 lbs;
3/15- 202 lbs;
1/16- 172 lbs;
9/17-177 lbs;
1/18-162 lbs;
9/18-154 lbs;









Instagram "lpearlmom"

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Post by TexArk » Fri Nov 30, 2018 1:14 pm

As a retired teacher, I can tell you that life will be much better for you. Unless one has been in the trenches, they have no idea the stress a teacher carries. I also worked with underprepared students and they wear you down. This food business can sometimes be on auto pilot with the habits of NoS, but I know I will always have to be wary of my default settings. I wish I could just be normal and not think about it, and it is better than before, but it still takes up space in my brain. I cannot coast.

You are an inspiration to many on this board and have a gift of communication. I still think you need to write that book! Even the struggles you are going through now serve to make you real.
24.7 bmi Feb. 2019
26.1 bmi Sept. 2018
31.4 bmi July 2017

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Post by jenji » Fri Nov 30, 2018 4:43 pm

Congratulations on your imminent retirement!

I know we will have ups and downs with our habits. It's easy to create new (bad) habits or to fall into the old grooves laid down. I hope that you can reconnect with what motivates you. Maybe that will be after you retire, or maybe it will be sooner.
I'm a 49-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7.5"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 168#, BMI 25.9- 11/18/2018

TexArk
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Post by TexArk » Sat Dec 01, 2018 4:38 pm

oolala

Is there not anything to do about all the spam appearing? Are there moderators to help out? What's going on?
24.7 bmi Feb. 2019
26.1 bmi Sept. 2018
31.4 bmi July 2017

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Mon Dec 03, 2018 4:44 pm

It's not SPAM. It's the books that show up at the bottom of the page that are linked to content from posts. The price we pay for using the internet!

Had a doctor's appointment and saw my weight with clothes on. Hadn't really meant to look. I didn't freak out; it certainly matches the experience I've been having of being too full way too much of the time. I also saw a pic of myself dancing as well. I look different than I did just a few months ago in the summer, but I actually look fine. We'll see if all this will make a difference in my behavior. But I still refuse to get down on myself over it.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

automatedeating
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Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Post by automatedeating » Mon Dec 03, 2018 4:56 pm

definitely TexArk is referring to Spam -- bunch of fake posts selling stuff. It makes it hard to even find real entries sometimes. :evil:
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

TexArk
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Location: Foothills of the Ozarks

Post by TexArk » Mon Dec 03, 2018 5:37 pm

Yep. The general discussion board is the worst with the SPAM but now there is some showing up in the individual log ins. I have never seen it like this in the 10 years I have been on board.

I think the books at the bottom are actually amusing. Amazing what matches they try to make with something we said in our posts.
24.7 bmi Feb. 2019
26.1 bmi Sept. 2018
31.4 bmi July 2017

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Mon Dec 03, 2018 6:52 pm

Oh, there’s a thread for reporting SPAM. Reinhard gets to it eventually.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

eschano
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Post by eschano » Tue Dec 04, 2018 9:18 pm

Oolala, I think good about your retirement - bluff or not!
Hopefully your worries will not come true. I have no advice about getting back into the habits as I am majorly struggling with it but am following here closely if you come across anything that helps.
eschano - Vanilla rocks!

July 2012- January 2016
Started again July 2018

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Fri Dec 07, 2018 3:50 am

Not just underprepared, but the arguing and refusing to do what I say! One boy particularly today paired himself up with his girlfriend for a paired exercise. I kept walking by and seeing nothing get added to their papers. I finally told him to move back to his own desk and he just kept saying they were working and wouldn't get up to leave. I'm pretty sure I've called and left a message with his mother, and nothing changed. My coteacher doesn't do a lot of that kind of controlling. He feels like it's not worth the fights; he's probably right. The boy has a D in the class and the girl is failing. It obviously isn't that important to them nor to their parents. (Parents can see their grades online.)

11 more work days.

Would someone come do my dishes? And fill out more of my retirement papers? I've already missed the deadline to be able to get my first payment by January 1st. But I have to put some money that is set aside into an IRA I have to open with my 403b company. My rep is out until Monday, so I can't complete the paperwork until then. Oh, jeez. What a terrible problem to have. :wink:

But the pay is retroactive, and I have savings, so it isn't as if my mortgage won't get paid. Maybe it would be better if I lived hand to mouth, but I'm not sure it would make me do things on time.

Eating is a little better. No more eating gobs of peanut butter out of the jar. I was able to have a good overnight fast last night and a decent gap this afternoon. The kitchen is closed.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

oolala53
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Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Mon Dec 10, 2018 1:45 am

Had an old fashioned, cookie-dough-eating failure on Friday. No good reason. Probably less than a quarter of what I have eaten in the past, but it was just the automaticity of it that annoyed me. They have these small packages now so that I guess people can make just a few cookies. None of it made it into the oven. Some of it got pitched over the fence into the canyon. Sorry, Mother Nature.

I am counting on retiring helping with this because I often get my loot foods at the supermarket across the street from work as I leave. Yeah, yeah, I know there are a ton of strategies not to do that, but they haven't been working. It's a brand of supermarket that has discount shelves that others tend not to have and I won't be passing by them that often.

I might be fooling myself, but it's keeping me going at the moment.

Am forcing myself to wait until after 6 to have dinner.

Nine days until we find out if the early retirement plan is going through.

I had been fighting off a cold that finally won but it seems it's gone over the hump without as much suffering as it could have. Mild laryngitis. I'm knocking on wood about the level of coughing. But it has kept me laying low all weekend.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

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Post by ladybird30 » Mon Dec 10, 2018 6:08 am

oolala53 wrote:
Nine days until we find out if the early retirement plan is going through.
I'll keep my fingers crossed.
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

oolala53
Posts: 9519
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Thu Dec 13, 2018 5:44 am

TX.

I've finished 5 days of sane eating, and boy, does it feel good. I don't think I've had 5 good days in a row since July. Maybe even before. I just have to accept that my appetite is really small. I'm making more of an effort to plan to have something really delicious at at least one meal. I have to eat a bit simpler more of the time, though, because it's so easy to overdo it and feel cruddy.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

Soprano
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Location: UK

Post by Soprano » Thu Dec 13, 2018 7:21 am

Great news :)

Well done.

I'm aiming to get back on track today, little slips were starting to escalate

Jx
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

eschano
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Post by eschano » Thu Dec 13, 2018 10:31 pm

What a good reminder to make delicious food! I sometimes forget then feel deprived and then fall off the wagon
eschano - Vanilla rocks!

July 2012- January 2016
Started again July 2018

ladybird30
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Post by ladybird30 » Thu Dec 13, 2018 10:58 pm

Well done on your 5 days of eating sanity.
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

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Octavia
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Post by Octavia » Fri Dec 14, 2018 12:03 pm

Hi Oolala - haven’t checked in with you for a while - have been off the boards for a while, not sure why - but I hope you’re well, and the laryngitis thing is getting better. 5 days of eating sanity is brilliant - a fantastic reminder of the benefits of No S. And planning one delicious thing a day is a great way to strengthen and consolidate the vanilla system! I need that sort of positive thinking too...instead of cheating and lapsing my way round the system, to actually do it well, make it as good as it can be. Like eschano, I forget these positive options and end up feeding myself badly, then wondering why I’m falling off the wagon!

Must go and update my check in thread. Bye for now, and take care. 🙂

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Sun Dec 16, 2018 2:53 am

Went to an event where we ate lunch out and then convened at someone's house for dessert. I felt good leaving the lunch but too full leaving the dessert house. Oh well. I'm happy to skip dinner and I have terrific leftovers.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

oolala53
Posts: 9519
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Fri Dec 21, 2018 1:38 am

I'm finding that I feel much better these days if I don't eat anything until at least 10 a.m. It takes some doing to skip coffee on these cold-for-us mornings, but later I'm glad I did.

It occurred to me it might be good to declare that I'd like to go 21 days doing this, even on S days, just to see if it could become routine. It's so easy to think something is a good idea and then convince myself in the moment that it's fine not to do it. That opportunistic tendency at work! But I also find myself resisting the confines.

No need to decided tonight.

Tomorrow is my last day of work in a full time career that started in September of 1996. At the time, I never thought I'd go this long. I know I can't make myself go on but I did have a moment of semi-panic this morning with the thought that I won't be able to afford to keep accumulating at the rate I had been. As I feel the mild queasiness, I remember that millions of people are making do on much less than I will be, though I think many of them have a lot less education than I do. But what can I say? I took each turn as I came to it in life.

At some point, I'll sit down and actually look at what my income and fixed expenses are. Can you believe I've never done that and yet manage to save a respectable percentage of my income each year? I may be better off than I know. But it's not going to change that 1/01/19 is my first day of retirement!

I told one of my friends, who is going through an emotional down time of fear about money, and who has twice as much of liquid assets as I do, no mortgage, and extremely low health premiums because of lifetime assistance as a retired public employee, to keep a little list of some things she thinks she would like for herself that she has been afraid to spend money on. (She's at the point at which she fears turning on the heat.) She met a radio personality in her small town who has her convinced that the country is heading into problems that the government will NOT step in to remedy and Morgan Stanley will ride her account all the way to the bottom taking their fees along the way. She's too overwhelmed to be able to do much more than ask one question a day. But the odds are with her. She has no children and no one that she is planning to save the money for. She does have a dog that is hard to travel with or she might be on the road. But it's really mostly, as with almost everything, an inside job.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

Whosonfirst
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Post by Whosonfirst » Sat Dec 22, 2018 1:40 pm

Congrats on reaching retirement with some assets. Enjoy your relaxed lifestyle and take things at your own pace. While physical activity is good, my belief is some form of somewhat challenging mental activity is great for retirees. YMMV. Have some fun.
Weekly goal = Five Green days in a row. I do a BMI check by looking in a mirror.
Orig. SW(7/2016)= 226/ SW(reboot) =217-3/7/18/
Current Wt= 210 -8/18

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Post by automatedeating » Sat Dec 22, 2018 3:14 pm

Yay for retirement! You've waited so long for this!

Good for you to skip the morning coffee. I admire that but in no shape or form am I ready for that sacrifice. :-)

And the money thing - it doesn't surprise me that you have saved well and diligently - you are so frugal instinctively. It seems to come naturally to you - I'm thinking you had family members that suffered during the Depression and raised you with that thinking. My dad is 77, and although he didn't personally experience the pain of the Depression, his parents surely did, and it affected the whole family's outlook on spending/frugality. In a good way. But the effect has been diluted with my Dad's raising of me. I inherited some of that carefulness with money, but not nearly to the degree I'd like to. Working on it.

Oolala, we would all on this forum help you if you run into sticky financial times in the coming years. This is our tribe.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

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Post by 3squaremeals » Sun Dec 23, 2018 8:51 am

Congrats on reaching retirement!

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Octavia
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Post by Octavia » Sun Dec 23, 2018 8:24 pm

Just wanted to add my congratulations on reaching this exciting point. It’s bound to feel a bit weird, I reckon. But 1st Jan will come and go, and you’ll survive...and then, thrive! :D

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Post by oolala53 » Sun Dec 23, 2018 8:36 pm

So sweet of you to offer!

Yes, my parents were in their teens in the '30's. Very frugal. My sister and her husband have always spent for nice things, but they also made more for most of their adult lives. We'll never know if I could have afforded to spend more as I went.

Well, yesterday the slight panic was over losing the social aspect of my job. Despite the daily butting of heads with kids, there was a lot of joking and sharing of frustrations with staff. I had to partner with several teachers over the years as well. One of them who is usually very rational teared up when she hugged me and told me she would miss me. I lost it then. Even one of the secretaries and I cried. We've done a lot of being sardonic about the tough situations. It was hitting me that I have no reason to be walking back into the front office regularly, being greeted with smiles, having human contact with people who know me to some degree. I have almost no one I see or talk to personally regularly in my "real" life. The one person most regular is the one who moved away. Honestly, I know this is morbid but if I died in my house, it could take more than a week for anyone to know. Even the women I talk to don't expect me to get back to them soon. I'd have to not get back after a couple of tries for them to even try to follow up.

But this doesn't keep me up nights.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

oolala53
Posts: 9519
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Fri Jan 04, 2019 7:13 am

Hoo, boy, am I glad the "eating season" is over.

I'm doing my quarterly 5-day program. It's actually a little fun to track. I bought a food scale and it makes it so easy, though I have to juggle amounts to get the macros to come out right. But I'll be glad when it's over, too.

I'm committing for January to wait for breakfast until 10 a.m. I don't have to eat before work now and found sometimes when I would skip breakfast because I wasn't hungry that that's about when I would feel ready but we had only a 10 minute break. Not enough time to really enjoy a breakfast.

Not that it won't be hard not to have morning coffee, but I want to let that go and have it with my meal.

This will affect my other meal times. That's okay. I'm at a point where my time will be my own so I need to determine the rhythm. I take myself off the hook to have it all figured out in a week.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

automatedeating
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Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Post by automatedeating » Fri Jan 04, 2019 2:03 pm

Somehow I missed your post about your last day at work and the tearful goodbyes. Wow. That is a lot to leave. My only experience would be leaving one teaching job and heading to another, so the change you are going through is profound. And profoundly important that you establish those healthy relationships and find ways to share your wisdom in face-to-face settings.

So....what are your passions, hopes and dreams for the next 20 years?

Have fun with the food scale! I love data-gathering!

And also, the 10am breakfast sounds like a great idea (although I don't see why you can't keep the coffee early and then again at 10, but then, I love my coffee). Maybe you can do a morning walk before - even join a walking club or post on craigslist that you need a walking partner in your neighborhood? Oh my gosh oolala - you should get a little dog to walk with every morning!!
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

Soprano
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Post by Soprano » Sat Jan 05, 2019 7:38 am

Great idea delaying breakfast I find on holiday a late breakfast an afternoon snack and a dinner are all I need but this isn't practical when working.

Enjoy your retirement, looking forward to reading about your adventures :)

Jx
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

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Octavia
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Post by Octavia » Sat Jan 05, 2019 9:45 am

Good luck with your 5-day programme. Sounds like a good way to start the new year. I too am relieved that the eating season is over! 😅

oolala53
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Post by oolala53 » Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:12 pm

Octavia, this is actually my third year I’m doing the program. I usually do it at the turn of the seasons, but since that happens just before Christmas, I put it off in the winter. Auto, I loves me my coffee too, especially on winter mornings, which for Californians means in the 40s and 50s,. But I’m not willing to try to learn to drink it black, and if I have it with all the fixings I love earlier than when I actually eat, it defeats the purpose. It will stave off legitimate hunger, which I’m trying to avoid doing. It already takes me quite a while to get legitimately hungry, though I can still have quite a yearning to eat, . I’m just trying to see what kind of routine I could set up more consistently so I’m not just eating randomly while waiting to get hungry and my previous meal timings hasn’t been working. Random just doesn’t work for me (and most humans with access to excessive food) in the long run.

This is day four. I was really hungry for breakfast yesterday but ended up putting it off even a bit longer. I had brought the food with me on an errand, and because I was in a rush, I didn’t take the full meal that I had planned for. But it ended up being plenty of food about an hour after I finished. (Still felt a bit empty when I finished, especially because the eggplant wasn’t cooked enough and I didn’t eat it.) Not to get caught up in calories but it was only about 250 cal, and five hours later I still wasn’t hungry at all. I think I probably could’ve gone the rest of the evening with nothing, but I didn’t want to chance eating late. I went ahead and ate the rest of the food because it’s part of a very specific program and since I only do it 20 days out of the whole year, I don’t want to mess with it.

I’ve written about this before but I’ll just repeat for anybody who hasn’t read it, I don’t do this for weight loss, and I find that I don’t retain much of the loss. But there are other things that are supposed to be happening while a person does this, and if they do it regularly, supposedly those benefits stay even if their eating in between isn’t ideal. For healthy people, a few times a year it is recommended. I figure if we think it’s OK to over eat for special occasions, it’s OK for me to have some regimented eating a few times a year, too.
Last edited by oolala53 on Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

oolala53
Posts: 9519
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:14 pm

Messed up and decided to delete.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

automatedeating
Posts: 3217
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Post by automatedeating » Thu Jan 10, 2019 3:06 pm

Hi Oolala - I saw that you are having a no sugar January. Good luck and I hope you get some relief from your joint pain. I'm sure you already know this, but a great experiment for that would be no grains for a month. So many people find relief from niggling joint pain with that. I'm not grain free, but I limit them, and I feel like I move so much better now. But I suspect you already know about this experimental option and recognize that you're not willing to go there. I get that. Anyway, have a happy January!
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

oolala53
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Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Thu Jan 10, 2019 4:17 pm

Thanks for the suggestion, auto. I do know about it, and giving up grains would be such a huge imposition on my life that I just am not willing to consider it now. They are a mainstay of meals, though I use a variety and don't have wheat every day, and add a tremendous amount of pleasure I don't get from other foods. I am moving towards eating very little meat and taking grains away too would become so restrictive that I feel a little weepy thinking about. I envy people who say they can be happy with some yogurt and fruit for a meal. It's enough food but not enough satisfaction.

I guess I should clarify that I'm going no sweets. I do eat some processed foods with some sugar, though usually much less than is in an apple per serving. Sure, I know the apple has other benefits, but it's just for scale. I have stevia in coffee. And I might add a bit of stevia or erythritol to yogurt. Not going commando!

I'm planning to keep to my N day routine for Sunday. I have an event to go to on Saturday that I will play by ear, though still no sweets. That will be my first challenge as it's a gathering that always has sweets and I've always eaten them at because one of my aspired-to mods is eating sweets only in company, so I usually take advantage. There is a couple there who gave up sugar about a year and a half ago who sometimes brings no-sugar baked fruit desserts. (Ironically, they look to me to have gained a few pounds, though they are both still pretty slim.) There are also plenty of savory snacks available, too.

I am bingeing, however, on the internet. Avoiding difficult tasks around the house. Well, I'll do this, too, until it gets too painful, I guess, just like I did with compulsive overeating. I keep telling myself I will feel so good when they aren't hanging over my head, and these are things that I won't have to do over and over, but when I do try, I often end up getting very little done because it gets too hard. Once in awhile, I'll get on a roll and it will be exhilarating, but after that, insert sound of air going out of balloon. I said I was going to hire someone to help me and I still procrastinate on calling anyone. Do I like my misery? I hope not. And I know all about Flylady and Marie Kondo. For whatever reason, it just ain't happenin'.

First world problem.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

ladybird30
Posts: 504
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 10:41 pm

Post by ladybird30 » Fri Jan 11, 2019 3:02 am

oolala53 wrote: I do eat some processed foods with some sugar, though usually much less than is in an apple per serving. Sure, I know the apple has other benefits, but it's just for scale.
Yes, I have used that logic in defence of dark chocolate.
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

oolala53
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Location: San Diego, CA USA

Post by oolala53 » Fri Jan 11, 2019 11:49 pm

Dark chocolate probably has some benefits that my processed foods don't. I just don't like it! I do add good quality cocoa to coffee or even yogurt sometimes, and that is when the stevia comes in.

Started my winter weigh-in today. I do it officially once a season, for 7 days, and then average. I wish there was a way I could do it and not see the numbers until I'm done. I would like not to think about it in between, but I haven't been able to do that.

In fact, many days, I wish there was a way not to measure or even think about the size my body at all. I don't actively set out to think about it. I don't blame myself, either. It's part of the environment, for the most part, or the female environment, anyway. I could understand being concerned with wanting to be kind, honest, etc. But every culture has its irrationally important expectations. It's part of my task to deal with it. If being my weight demanded Herculean effort or left me feeling crappy a lot of the time, I wouldn't do it.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

Soprano
Posts: 518
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2018 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Post by Soprano » Sat Jan 12, 2019 7:45 am

Good luck with the weigh in :)

I think there are scales out there that send a reading to your phone via Bluetooth. I don't know how good or expensive they are but that might work for you.

Jx
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

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