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Imogen's Daily Check In
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Imogen Morley



Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Posts: 899

PostPosted: Fri Aug 11, 2017 2:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sinnie, it's wonderful to see you here again, and I DO apologise for such a late reply. Ironically, it's not the baby that keeps me up at night but work. I've started working at home to make some extra money and it seems like everyone needs my services now, which I'm generally very proud of... just not today. I'm tired and stressed, and I rarely pop in here. I miss the forums, though!
Sadly, I don't move much besides walking leisurely with the baby or running errands. I've had to say goodbye to structured exercise, party due to the unrelenting heatwave which has been stifling my city for a month (after a couple of vertigo episodes I quit), and partly because I'd rather read a book than do cardio in the evenings when it's cooler. But I miss exercise! I've always called it my superpower. Who knows, maybe I'll add 14 minutes of cardio to my daily routine in the autumn or take longer walks? In the meantime, I'm a hopeless couch potato. Answering your question straight, I eat about 1900 calories a day (never breastfed the baby) and weigh around 127 pounds, which is fine and perfectly acceptable for me. I no longer push myself to stay at 110. I have, however, restarted vanilla NoS, simply because calorie counting suddenly started to feel like another chore, and I tend to drop/delegate as many of those as I can. The work I do at home is mentally taxing and I need lots of free space in my brain right now. One less thing to do/plan into my day is huge! Anyway, I've lost a bit of weight in the recent weeks, but I'd rather wait a bit longer before posting my current stats.
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Imogen Morley



Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Posts: 899

PostPosted: Mon Jan 29, 2018 7:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm back. Currently at 130 pounds, with my food habits all over the place. While my weight is stable and I'm pretty happy with it, I worry about my dependence on sugar. I eat waaaaay too much of it, and occassionally binge. In my case, dessert today means dessert tomorrow, too... and two the day after. This isn't healthy nor sustainable. Plus, my maternity leave ends soon, and I expect many sweet temptations waiting for me at the office, not to mention the emotional rollercoaster during the transition.

Monday Smile Had to drink chai tea with some milk in late evening. Already having some problems with the one plate rule, as I did in the past. When I'm strict about plating and no-virtual-stacking, I routinely undereat. I mean, I'm not that hungry, so it's barely noticeable, but whenever I roughly tally up the calories, the number rarely exceeds 1200, and that's not healthy. Wondering about possible solution.
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Imogen Morley



Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Posts: 899

PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 7:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tuesday Smile Tuesdays are always super hard for me - no motivation carried over from Monday, and the weekend is so far down the road. But I managed! I did have an oversized lunch plate, though.
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automatedeating



Joined: 31 Aug 2013
Posts: 2107

PostPosted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 2:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Imogen! Nice to see you on the boards.
_________________
I am a small person. Therefore, it is reasonable that smaller portions will satisfy me.
8/13: BMI 26.3
up and down between BMI 24 and 26.9 over 4 years
8/17: BMI 25.8
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Imogen Morley



Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Posts: 899

PostPosted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 8:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi, automated! Nice to see you back Smile I'm desperately hoping for some free time this weekend to catch up on everyone's threads, but with in-laws visiting, baby teething, and my usual work-at-home routine it's gonna be difficult.
Wednesday Smile
Thursday Embarassed I took Nina to my parents, and I succumbed to temptation when they put pistachio halva on the table. Then I went out for a walk and saw they were selling salted caramel ice cream in one of the little shops in the area. Ahhh, memories... In spite of the halva and the ice-cream, I kept it all contained and plated. Didn't have time nor appetite for dinner later, so the sweets were my third meal, as it turns out. Mixed feelings - I failed, but not miserably so. For someone with a history of binge eating and WTH effect kicking in every time an unplanned morsel crosses my lips, that's actually a kind of a victory.
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Merry



Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 1649

PostPosted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 12:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Imogen Morley wrote:
For someone with a history of binge eating and WTH effect kicking in every time an unplanned morsel crosses my lips, that's actually a kind of a victory.


YES! Good for you, this is definitely a victory!
_________________
Homeschool Mom and No S returnee as of 11-30-15.
2 years and counting on No-S.
29 lbs. down, 34 to go. Slow and steady wins the race.
Respect Moderation
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Imogen Morley



Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Posts: 899

PostPosted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 8:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yesterday was good(ish). Today I failed hard Embarassed I was stressed and overwhelmed with juggling in-laws, baby, cooking, work, and social obligations, and there was so much delicious food lying around the house and waiting for the guests. I had originally planned having some cake when THEY dig in, sadly, I ended up devouring several pieces right in the kitchen, standing up, just shoving them in my mouth without any attention nor pleasure. The sugar rush made me hungry soon after, so I also had a second dinner. Bleh.
My homework for the weekend: is there anything I'm really craving, or am I eating just because I can?
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clarinetgal



Joined: 01 Jul 2009
Posts: 1643
Location: Western Washington State

PostPosted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 10:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi, Imogen! It’s nice to see you! It sounds like you have a lot going on right now. Maybe you just need some relaxation time?
_________________
Committing to a fresh start, with 3-4 plates and no snacking.

1/2018 Current BMI: 31.8
2/2018 BMI: 31.5
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Imogen Morley



Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Posts: 899

PostPosted: Sat Feb 03, 2018 4:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Absolutely! Hard to find any time for myself this weekend, but at least I can have a nice long shower. I don't know why, but it always puts me in a "fresh start" mode.
Tons of yummy food all around me, I'm eating A LOT, but over the top S-days are to be expected whenever I restart.
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Imogen Morley



Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Posts: 899

PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 7:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Smile Monday. Plates were biggish, though. It's wonderful to have the structure again! Funny how every weekend I tell myself that free eating is the ultimate happiness, and then can't wait for Monday to begin. But free eating isn't compulsion...
I'm going to take (probably) two S-events this week - my daughter's first birthday party on Wednesday, and (maybe) Shrove Tuesday (which actually falls on Thursday). People are usually gorging on doughnuts, but since I don't like them, I don't know if I should participate. Probably not. There's no obligation to stuff myself just because everyone else around me does. The one exception - if my mom makes her homemade doughnuts, I'm going to eat some.
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automatedeating



Joined: 31 Aug 2013
Posts: 2107

PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 10:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm a donut fiend. I'll eat all the ones you don't want. Laughing
_________________
I am a small person. Therefore, it is reasonable that smaller portions will satisfy me.
8/13: BMI 26.3
up and down between BMI 24 and 26.9 over 4 years
8/17: BMI 25.8
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Imogen Morley



Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Posts: 899

PostPosted: Sat Feb 10, 2018 7:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Turns out my mum made her own, so this time I don't have any left, sorry! Smile
Tuesday was OK, but things went downhill on Wednesday and Friday. One planned piece of cake at my daughter's b-day party somehow multiplied, I grabbed some of the snacks I was preparing, and in general permasnacked all evening. On Thursday dad brought us my mum's homemade doughnuts, two per person. I ate one in the spirit of Shrove Tuesday, but the second doughnut somehow found its way to my mouth on Friday, along with its twin which originally belonged to my husband.
Today is Saturday, and I snacked on some chocolate which I don't even particularly like (gift from the parents from their recent trip abroad), plus I've just had a cinnamon bun. VERY disappointing S-day. Tomorrow we're going for a big family dinner, and I'm bringing in carrot cake with mascarpone and whipped cream.
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automatedeating



Joined: 31 Aug 2013
Posts: 2107

PostPosted: Sun Feb 11, 2018 5:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Am I reading this right that you are very involved with your family? Or is this just a series of special occasions recently?

It seems like heaven and hell to have big family get-togethers all the time. haha
_________________
I am a small person. Therefore, it is reasonable that smaller portions will satisfy me.
8/13: BMI 26.3
up and down between BMI 24 and 26.9 over 4 years
8/17: BMI 25.8
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Imogen Morley



Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Posts: 899

PostPosted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 2:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bit of a confession here... Yeah, I am terribly close with my family (parents and two brothers + SIL/kids), we all love to cook, eat, and celebrate with food... very European I guess Laughing With such a big family there are always birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays spent together, and each of those occassions revolves around food. Sadly, my husband, whose family is not nearly as close-knit as mine, doesn't get it. Ah, the ups and downs of living with an extreme introvert... Just yesterday he spoiled the occassion with some insensitive comments to my niece, and I was so furious that I forgot about the carrot cake we had left over in the fridge. I'd rather not use fighting with him as a way to tone down my S-days, though...
It's tough this Monday. I feel like my S-weekend was totally disappointing, plus family tensions still make me stressed and in consequence, hungry. Got some potentially bad-ish news, too. I'm white-knuckling it today.
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 163
Location: UK

PostPosted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 11:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds like you’ve had a tough day, Imogen. Hope all turns out Ok with this worrying news you’ve had.

No S can be tricky even on days when we have near-perfect autonomy...I have no solutions to offer, just to say, i can relate! If I have family round, or I go visiting, I’m almost forced to have a mad S day. I think we’re sometimes not even aware of some of the pressures that such occasions bring. For instance, when I’m at my mother’s, I always end up in the biscuit tin...and it’s occurred to me that it could be the relative coldness and gloom of her house that makes me tense up, as much as the relationship! Even when I’m the host, I sometimes find myself longing to escape, and in those ‘trapped’ situations, food is such a solace. Especially when eaten in a subversive, secretive sort of way! Could this be the answer....to do something subversive that isn’t eating? Mind goes blank... Laughing

Take care!
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Imogen Morley



Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Posts: 899

PostPosted: Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for your insights! I always eat like a madwoman at parties where I feel uncomfortable, because I don't have to talk to people I don't like when I'm having my mouth full Laughing When it comes to my family, I love them to pieces, and we've mostly had very close, very supportive relationship. Some tension does arise from time to time, of course. To my mom food always equals love, and I think my brothers and I have all subconsciously absorbed this notion.
Tuesday has been green so far, but I virtual plated, as my dinner came unusually early. I normally avoid splitting my plates/meals, I think it messes with the habit, but it was either this or inevitable failure in the evening.
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 163
Location: UK

PostPosted: Tue Feb 13, 2018 7:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think if you plan ahead and eat how you intended, splitting the plate where necessary, then it’s not a fail....you’re staying mindful and just being practical! The willpower muscle is still being used.
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Imogen Morley



Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Posts: 899

PostPosted: Wed Feb 14, 2018 12:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, I know it's technically not a fail... but it feels so to me. Sadly, even virtual plating didn't help, and I was ravenous around 8 PM. Hot liquids didn't cut it, neither did milk, so I ate a smallish meal. Tuesday was red, in the end, but at least I didn't give in to the binging thoughts that appeared! It occurred to me that I already failed, so I might as well have the chocolate, and some fruit... but I didn't reach for it. Refraining from binging is as important to me as being strict about N-day rules.
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 163
Location: UK

PostPosted: Thu Feb 15, 2018 12:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

In a way, resisting the urge to binge when you’ve already had a slip is the biggest challenge of all. I’m rarely successful in that situation! Sounds like you did really well on a difficult day. Hope tomorrow is easier! 🙂
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Imogen Morley



Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Posts: 899

PostPosted: Thu Feb 15, 2018 8:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Octavia, seems like I'm practising my urge-resisting muscle too much. I had a fail on late Wednesday evening, combination of boredom eating and passing thoughts on getting back to the mod that allowed me to get to my lowest adult weight while having planned sweets on some weekdays. Still, no binge!
I'm afraid of the weekend. Silly, isn't it? I'm afraid of losing control, eating with wild abandon, just shoving sweets into my mouth on autopilot. I'm also conflicted over planning treats vs going with the flow. If I don't have anything special waiting for me, I usually end up mindlessly munching on whatever sweet I find in the cupboards, but when my planned treat doesn't taste as good as I expected, I binge from sheer disappointment. No idea for a solution yet.
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 163
Location: UK

PostPosted: Thu Feb 15, 2018 1:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Imogen, sorry to hear you’re feeling conflicted - it’s (certainly for me) one of the worst feelings, and a recipe for inertia. And nothing soothes inertia like snacking! Maybe the greatest benefit of Vanilla No S is that there is no conflict - you don’t try to improve on it, or question whether it will work, you just do it. Maybe if that worked for you before, it can work again. I’m certainly taking great strength from what you told me, how your first year of Vanilla No S worked to help you lose 10% of your body weight. You mustn’t lose touch with how insping that is.

I often find in life that when I’m torn between two polarities (like, the decision of either planning S treats or going with the flow) then the real solution is a third answer...like maybe doing both. For me, that’s the real delight and freedom of S days - having planned treats like my chocolate bunny 😊 AND then freely grabbing a few grapes here, an extra bit of toast there.

Must go, have just filled the kitchen with smoke after not cleaning the oven. No idea what was smoking.... Embarassed
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Imogen Morley



Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Posts: 899

PostPosted: Fri Feb 16, 2018 6:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You're right, Octavia. I need to re-establish solid habits before tampering with the system. From time to time I get impatient... fortunately, then I read my old journal entries or comments such as yours, and all falls into place again. Thanks.
Thursday was green, so has been Friday so far. I overfilled my plates, though. Funny how it started to stand out... It really bothers me, not calorie-wise, but, to my great surprise, because I'd rather arrive at my meal slightly hungry. Even the plainest food tastes delicious! When I'm still full-ish but sit to a meal anyway (with a small baby at home it's either now or never!), I rarely get any satisfaction from it. I'm going to either go longer than 6 hours between meals, if necessary, or eat a bit less.
Curious about my check-in tomorrow!
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 163
Location: UK

PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2018 12:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Being hungry makes ALL the difference - it’s become a big motivator for me, on No S. Even a simple cup of tea between meals has a wonderful, soothing quality when I’m not stuffed and de-sensitised from snacking!

Hope you have a good weekend!
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automatedeating



Joined: 31 Aug 2013
Posts: 2107

PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2018 2:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Imogen --
I think that as much as you can fence around a few simple laws right now, the easier on your "willpower-muscles". I only say this because from my own experience with babies/toddlers/schoolage kids, I can never get enough comfort-food. So.....whatever you have found EASIEST to comply with long-term in the past, do it girl. Very Happy
And be so, so, so gentle with yourself.
_________________
I am a small person. Therefore, it is reasonable that smaller portions will satisfy me.
8/13: BMI 26.3
up and down between BMI 24 and 26.9 over 4 years
8/17: BMI 25.8
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Imogen Morley



Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Posts: 899

PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Octavia, you too!
Auto, thanks for reminding me to be gentle with myself. I stepped onto the scale this Saturday morning, as it was a real bummer to see I was up by roughly a pound - currently 58.8 kilos. 19 days under my belt, including only 6 truly green days, 4 idiotic and 1 relatively calm S-day, 3 hard failures (binges), and 5 near-misses (violated sweet/snacking rule or piled my plates sky high but without binging). No wonder why the results are so disappointing! I'm trying to stay positive, though. I'll enjoy my weekend, and watch my plates during the week.
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Octavia



Joined: 25 Oct 2015
Posts: 163
Location: UK

PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2018 12:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

...totally agree with Auto there...willpower is in short supply when you’re using so much in your everyday life, what with the sleepless nights, getting little wriggling feet into sleep suits, mopping up split juice and so on. I found early motherhood like wrestling with an octopus, and I only had one bubba! The fact that you’ve endured through all those difficult days is a sign of strength - recovering from slips is so tough, and you obviously have that toughness, Imogen. When life calms down, you’ll probably be the most resilient of us all!

My eating habits were fairly chaotic in those days when my DD was a baby. And 5pm could be wine o’clock! At junior school, she used to go to an after-school club, and everyone thought it was because I was at work. I’d actually got home from work hours earlier, but was now semi-passed out in bed with a load of chocolate biscuits! Embarassed

Plenty of time to get the scale under control...No S is a long-term thing, after all. Keep smiling. (My late Dad used to have a funny saying to help put things into perspective: ‘as long as you’re eatin’ your dinner...’) 🙂
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Imogen Morley



Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Posts: 899

PostPosted: Sun Feb 18, 2018 7:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awww, thank you for such kind words. The support on this forum has always been incredible... one of few such places across the entire Internet.
I binged on late Saturday evening (boredom + "because I can"). In hindisght, I shouldn't have brought home so much of my favourite chocolate. If it's in the house, I'm going to eat it all before Sunday night. I truly enjoyed it and had craved it all week... but too much of a good thing IS NOT a good thing itself. Went to bed stuffed and woke up with terrible stomach ache.
Sunday was tamer, but I can't say I enjoyed all my treats equally. Some were just passable, but guess what, I ate every last crumble. It's just past 8 pm, and I'm wrestling with my demons. Sunday evening has always been a difficult time for me, second only to Tuesday.
I noticed I don't enjoy my sweets as much when I eat them right after meals. I try to avoid snacking at all costs, though, so I perhaps need to create some kind of "ritual" to both enjoy my sweets between meals and not engage in mindless snacking. Sort of like planned snack/afternoon tea thing. Have my treat with coffee around noon, and then in the afternoon with tea? I'll have plenty of time to think it through till the next weekend.
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