Scrybil Check In

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Tue May 18, 2010 1:40 am

OK, newbie NoS here - tripped across the website, ordered the book, just posted my first Success day on my HabitCal. Can it REALLY be this simple??? After all these years of obsessing over every bite and every moment of exercise?? I'm certainly willing to give it a try!

dmarie710 · Post by **dmarie710** » Tue May 18, 2010 2:43 am

Welcome. Enjoy the freedom.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Tue May 18, 2010 10:05 pm

Thanks dmarie- so far so good.

Home early to attend a baseball banquet for son's team and my auto-response to getting in the house was to start thinking about a snack. Nope! Gotta wait til dinner. Some angst, but certainly bearable.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Wed May 19, 2010 2:04 am

Went to baseball banquet- Mex food buffet. Had a moderate plateful of good food, passed on the dessert. SUCCESS

And - UrbanRanger here- WALKED to the banquet - about 2-3 miles I'd guess.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Thu May 20, 2010 12:21 am

So far, pretty good. Had a second serving of salad 'accidentally' tonight, though - didn't plan ahead properly and forgot that I needed a full-sized plate for my meal and put my dinner salad in a regular sidebowl instead of a dinnerplate. Does that mean it was a failure? Can someone advise me since I don't have the book yet?

I'd like to say I was a success today, but don't want to play games with myself. Obviously, I know my patterns:

Day 1 - "I've got this, I'm committed, I can DO this!"
Day 2 - "I think this is allowed, but to be sure, I'll skip it."
Day3 - "OK, this is close enough to say I'm on track. I'll eat this and consider it within the boundaries"
Day 4 - "WTF, I need to LIVE a little"

Using this forum to keep myself honest. So call me out when I'm not!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Fri May 21, 2010 2:25 am

Continued to do well, got that salad bowlthing straight this time, and did yard work for my exercise instead of running/walking. Son's hs graduation is tomorrow, so scheduling S days for FriSat instead of SatSun.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Sat May 22, 2010 1:36 pm

GREAT day yesterday! Our son graduated from high school (with honors - ta-da!) and we celebrated with sushi and homemade banana layer cake(the family tradition for all thingscelebratory). I had planned as an "S" day, so enjoyed both, but found myself operating with an unusual sense of moderation. Hmmmm, who is this woman?

Took walk with my sister to pick up a couple of grocery items, then did my 3-mile run. All-in-all, a very successful day, almost like something anormal person might enjoy.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Mon May 24, 2010 12:40 pm

Used, Fri nite through Sat nite as my S days - did great on Sunday,except had two glasses of wine after dinner with my grown daughter who stopped by. Probably need to make that a FAILURE!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Wed May 26, 2010 12:20 am

Yesterday = SUCCESS
Today -so far so good

My first "S" weekend made me powerfully nervous-I can't recall having unbridled offical permission to eat whatever and whenever I want -EVER. How sad is that? A grown woman, unable to handle thatkind of freedom!

I didn't binge, but I did want to. That cycle of binge-diet-rinse-repeat is too ingrained. Moderation? What's that?

But I did it. White-kunuckled it, but I did it.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Thu May 27, 2010 12:07 am

FAILURE yesterday. I was going along SO well, and then some how found myself in the salty snacks at 10:30 - smoked almonds, tortilla chips. DAMMIT! When I stay up late, I don't do anything as well - exercise, work, eat, sleep. At my ripe old age, I know better. The late-night binging has been a long-time pattern and I know the solution -GO TO BED DUMBASS!

Back on NoS today, but really feeling lousy about my big-time screw-up.....

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Fri May 28, 2010 1:24 am

Having some trouble sleeping, so very tired tonite,but feeling the momentum of NoS starting to kick in. We walked to Mellow Mushroom for dinner & I had the portobello mushroom sandwich- I've always had the ''whole' size, but tonight 1/2 half would have been fine. But....OF COURSE - I had the whole sandwich & then was uncomfortably full walking home. I'm hoping that this NoS style will teach me true moderation. If I give myself permission to 'eat anything I want', I don't seem to have a naturalability to STOP when full. I apprently have an unlimited capacity for food. Not good. But still a success -officially.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Sat May 29, 2010 1:58 am

Did a restaurant tonite and enjoyed the hell out of it! Delicious, moderate meal and SO DAMN PROUD that I (1) stayed true to NoS and (2) had a great time. Ran 3miles before dinner,so I was hungry. I can indeed manage this - and Sat&Sun will be my S days.....

dmarie710 · Post by **dmarie710** » Sun May 30, 2010 2:13 am

sounds like your doing super good. Keep up the good work. Any weight loss yet?

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Mon May 31, 2010 12:13 am

Thanks for your response Denise - Not sure on the weight loss - I'm not a 'weigher'. But clothing is looser and I FEEL like I'm losing weight.

It's been a challenging day today - I know it's an S-day, but feel like I overdid it at a Memorial Day party today. Lots of food, and that seemed to trigger wanting even more.

I seem to feel actually more comfortable on the NoS days. The structure is comforting, safe. But I've read the book, and don't want to over-commit myself and then launch into that spiral of being 'good', then getting to resentment, then cashing it all in. A familiar pattern.....

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Tue Jun 01, 2010 11:32 pm

Used Memorial Day as an N day because I was getting nervous about three days straight of S so early in my effort. And I'm glad I did- husband and I rode bikes for couple of hours, we ate lunch out (a GREAT salad) and then had a healthy dinner at home. I'm WAY happier with myself today without a third day of snacks.....

Grammy G · Post by **Grammy G** » Wed Jun 02, 2010 2:01 am

Did yo get the book yet? i was reading through your posts and hope you know two glasses of wine or beer is an Ok thing..any day. also remember that you can plate the chips or pretzels for your lunch .. if you can hold off that long....or your dinner..not the best dinner..a plate of chips and dip...but "legal". Just keep away from the sugar.
Looks like you re doing a great job!!

Keep it up!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Thu Jun 03, 2010 12:40 am

Thank you Grammy - yes I did get the book - and promptly reviewed it on Amazon (so others could also love it too!) and posted here how much the book helped me 'get' NoS.

I'm having one glass of wine at dinner & that is such a treat for me. Finding this all to be frighteningly easy - I'm REALLY enjoying my meals without the usual 'guilt seasoning'. And I find I'm remarkably relaxed about all this - after all (I said as I stared down a chocolate bar at work today) - "I can have ANYTHING I want - only at the right time and in the right way. "

This is liberating. I hope this honeymoon stage lasts a while:) And I hope I'm not getting overconfident.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Fri Jun 04, 2010 1:07 am

Had dinner out with friends tonite - wonderful Mediterranean food,tasty & healthy. Ran before dinner,so I was HUNGRY. But managed to stare down the baklava

Grammy G · Post by **Grammy G** » Fri Jun 04, 2010 1:19 am

good for you!! Now..here is something I find myself doing when I have been virtuous and skipped dessert while dining out...my mind tells me I deserve a "little treat" for my wonderful efforts! IF I allow myself, I will then undo my great day by eating an ice cream over the kitchen sink! Be aware of those little voices and hid (not in the kitchen!)

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Sat Jun 05, 2010 3:43 am

Ah yes - the "reward myself for being good by being bad" syndrome. Familiar. Oh so familiar.

But....haven't done that today, and after a rock solid week of NoS,plenty of exercise, I'm ready for two S days.

Had lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in a month - she said "Have you lost weight?"

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Sun Jun 06, 2010 11:40 pm

Decent weekend - found myself near-binge with the Triscruits Sat, but recovered. Got lots of exercise this weekend, and I'm finding that even on S days, I'm more comfortable NOT snacking. I seem to need the structure of only three eating events, makes life easier.

Grammy G · Post by **Grammy G** » Mon Jun 07, 2010 12:39 pm

You are doing such a great job!! One of my fav things about noS is not having to think about food all the time. ..just plate whatever and stop! I know there are some very successful no-Sers who also count calories and good for them! I just can't do that again!
I too really enjoy a glass of wine as a treat! We have found we really enjoy wines from Lodi CA .. especially the reds from old vines. (really, I know nothing about wines.. just what I like!!)
You are lucky to be able to get out and run/walk!! I think we are in a Pennsylvania rain forest!! It rains every day

my wooden deck and outdoor wooden furniture now have a green tint... and it is never dry long enough for me to do anything about it.
Have a great week.. take time for yourself... thanks for being in my corner

I'm in yours!!!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Tue Jun 08, 2010 12:31 am

Thanks G - we are having great exercise-outdoors weather, but we'll soon (like tomorrow) hit 90o and then when the humidity kicks in - can't bearto be outside. Back to the gym then unfortunately.

Yeah, I'm definitely feeling the relief of not thinking about food. I noticed that I had more food thoughts Sunday - not sure if it was because I knew I COULD have a snack or because I was really hungry. Probably the former.

Gotta Google 'wines from Lodi'

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 2:17 am

Woops! Behind updating here....it's been a great week,doing well on my NoS days, but skipped exercise Monday because I THOUGHT I had planned a day off. So do I log that as a FAILURE on my HabitCal for exercise. Rats!

We have 15 interns at my company and took them bowling tonight. I was the Mom-in-Charge. They are all 20-22 yrs old, I have gray hair. And a middle-aged bowling style. But I also had the corporate credit card

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Fri Jun 11, 2010 10:37 pm

Recovering from the bowling debacle. Let's just say the pro-bowling tour won't be searching me out. On the other hand, I can tell (via sore muscles) that it was actual exercise. And I fully embraced the cultural aspect of the game with pizza afterwards.

How downright STRANGE to have a big slice of pizza for dinner and IT'S OK!

I'm still in awe.

I haven't weighed, and likely won't anytime soon. But I can tell a difference - physically, emotionally. And I really am enjoying food more - had a fresh summer tomato, avocado, cucumber sandwich on homemade WW bread for lunch today - totally delicious. I was grinning my head off with the freedom to eat something so wonderful. With no guilt.

So...counting on all of you to remind me when I experience the inevitable boredom/rebellion on this program. Historically, I do just great for some period of time (2 days to 2months) and one day, just say "I don't want to do this anymore".

If you see it coming, kick my butt,ok?

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Sat Jun 12, 2010 6:49 am

Hi Scrybil,
Did I see on another thread that you used to be in the HOW program? I've been in Greysheeters, also strict requiring a sponsor. How has it gone for you adding in more carbs and having S days? I'm trying to do this moderately and have some sanity around the food but not be so restrictive. I guess there's the fear of going overboard. My GS sponsor just got back "in the food" so this seems like the time to move to NoS permanently!

Grammy G · Post by **Grammy G** » Sat Jun 12, 2010 12:56 pm

I've always been a good "butt kicker" so I have your "back"

! It is hard to get bored when nothing is off limits! ..especially since we are in that wonderful season of fresh eveything!! i know what you mean about the emotional change..being "at peace' with food is a good thing! There are times (I'm sure you've noticed!!) that most of us lose the path for a bit, but it feels so darn good to be on this path that most of us scurry back as soon as we come to our senses..and there is always support to welcome us back without any negative comments. I see this as a life style that I will continue for the rest of my life, not a diet plan that I can't wait to see gone.
Wish I could have seen your bowling adventure! There is a country-western song by Waylon and Willie that has a line I love .."at least you have the makin's for a song!" Now for a title.. and you will be rich!!

Keep up that great attitude!!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Sat Jun 12, 2010 9:43 pm

osoniye - yes, I was in HOW - successfully - for a long time. And one day woke up (for my daily 5:15am call to my sponsor)and said "I don't want to do this anymore." I felt like I had found the answer to my constant preoccupation with food and weight, because I could "turn it over' everyday. But my resentment at the structure, required meetings, etc. got the best of me.

NoS seems more sane to me than anything else I've tried. I'm not a group person, so WeightWatchers, Overeaters Anonymous, etc. don't seem to fit. I want to live my life fully and moderately, and - so far - NoS seems to offer exactly that. I've been at it only a couple of weeks, and with (mostly) success. But I'm finding some release from constant worrying about it all. And I was tired of worrying.

In answer to your question, I don't really watch my carbs too carefully. I'm a vegetarian, so high-protein diets have never appealed. But I'm very careful about white flour & sugar - those are clearly dangerous for me.
Even on my S days, I avoid those.

I'm hoping NoS will marshall the tools from HOW that really did work for me - 3 meals a day, nothing in between. I actually liked that approach - just couldn't stand the daily phone calls, meetings and sponsorship accountability.

Grammy G · Post by **Grammy G** » Sun Jun 13, 2010 11:56 am

Looks like you are honing in on what works for you and still keeps you in your comfort zone! I would have a hard time having to "report " to someone at a certain time..daily. But, that might be what someone needs at this stage of their journey. Not you, not me!!

Keep goin'!!!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:52 am

Had a really nice day today - long hot bike ride w/hubby out in the sticks of Georgia, and rewarded ourselves with a stop at a DQ - interestingly, I ate only about 1/2 of my ice cream, it just wasn't that good frankly. Then had a great dinner at home with blackened tilapia, fresh tomato & avocado salad,braised cabbage. Did 3 meals only, but that ice cream was actually lunch (for both of us). Felt on top of things. Nice!

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 4:19 am

COngratulations on a great "S" day and not finishing your ice cream. Wow! Hope to get to that point one day!
I'm inspired by you and man does that dinner you made at home sound wonderful!
You go!
A supportive follower, Liz

Grammy G · Post by **Grammy G** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 11:47 am

WOW!! double WOW!! What a great S day!! Keep reminding yourself how good that day felt..to do it and to record it here. Wishing you a week of those days!!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Wed Jun 16, 2010 1:56 am

Thanks for the shout-outs Liz & Grammy - I DID enjoy my day Sunday & felt better going into Monday with a 'normal' day under my belt!

Had a bad days at work, both Mon & Tue - came home tonight to torrential rain, hail and no power. Had to eat out, can't cook in the dark!

later~

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Fri Jun 18, 2010 11:01 pm

It's been a bad week - high stress at work, two nights of getting in after 9, lots of conflict. And all the pressure hit me last night with aches and sore throat and coughing. Ugh! I'll be back here tomorrow.....

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Sat Jun 19, 2010 6:26 pm

Wow - I feel SO much better today, hit the on-coming cold with "ColdEze" lozenges and I seem to have (as Barney Fife used to say) 'nipped it in the bud!"

Food yesterday was dicey, but I'm hereby declaring Friday an Sday and moving on. I was feeling too bad to eat well - fruit for breakfast, soup for lunch, then ate a ton of tortilla chips from the bag in the afternoon. But was asleep at 7, so no dinner.

Will make Sunday a NoSDay,I'm back on track today......

Grammy G · Post by **Grammy G** » Sun Jun 20, 2010 5:35 am

Good for you..Marked it and moved on!! I wonder if anyone ever has a day that goes exactly as they planned it to be? Stress at work, working late, feeling miserable.. sure doesn't help the structure of 3 meals and no snacks, does it? I can never get through a day as planned and I am retired!!

I just decided to shift around S days too. It seems we are doing a lot of Friday night dinners w/ friends and quiet Sundays at home...so, for awhile, i am making a change. Isn"t that one of the great things about no-S.. we are free to use our heads!!
Hope you continue to feel better! I like Cold-eze too as well as Sambucus.. from the local health food store.
Enjoy your Sunday!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Sun Jun 20, 2010 11:43 pm

Good day today- ANOTHER broiling bike ride, but I needed to get moving and glad I did. Lasagna for Father'sDay!

Used today as a NoS Day since Friday (when I was feeling lousy) didn't go so great.

It is HOT here today - and likely to be all week,with no rain in sight.....sigh...Georgia.......

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Fri Jun 25, 2010 2:23 am

Wow - I've been here on the DB, but have forgotten to do my own check-in. I'm having a high old time reading others' posts, learning more from everyone, etc.

The week has been up & down - I'm generally doing well...in fact, I ran my HabitCal last night and I've had 3 FAILURES since May 17th - so, all in all, not so bad.

Cannot seem to shake this cough and sore throat. Yuk.....

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Fri Jun 25, 2010 3:59 am

Hope you feel better soon. There is nothing worse than that lingering sick feeling!
Congrats on the green days! That is so awesome, esp. under difficult circumstances!
Stay cool!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Sat Jun 26, 2010 12:55 am

Good day today - gave myself a much-needed break from being in the office and worked from home - got to go for my run in the morning, had a homegrown tomato and avocado sandwich on homemade bread for lunch...Mmmmmmm!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Tue Jun 29, 2010 12:56 am

I struggle so with the weekends....Friday nights seem to be difficult (as KCCC also reported) as a particularly stressful week seems to make me want to cut LOOSE! And, since I don't quite 'cut loose' as I did in my younger years, it's up to the food to give me my rebellion. Then Saturday and Sunday just don't .......feel right. I obsess about food, what will I eat, how much will I eat, etc. etc. And I'm miserable.

I feel so strongly that NoS is the path for me. But as I struggle through my other life challenges (as do we all), I want to hide in the eating again.

I had some kind of existential crisis this weekend, culminating in my conclusion that nothing I am doing in my life is working. And, of course, I'm wrong. But the facts don't stop me, no sir-ee. I was ON THE WARPATH!

For some reason I needed to wallow around in self-pity, worrying about my need to overcommit myself, missing the comraderie of friends, regretting taking my overwhelmingly hi-pressure job, my cluelessness in being a parent to adult and near-adult children, how I haven't perfected my pizza crust, why can't I mediate, blahblahblah

sigh......I wish this was easier for me. I'm telling ya, I need a vacation!

lbb (Liz) · Post by **lbb (Liz)** » Tue Jun 29, 2010 3:40 am

Scrybil:
I'm sorry things are pretty stressful for you these days. It sounds like you are just balancing so many things and are spread too thin!
I totally relate to using food to give yourself rebellion. It's the "oh well...just screw it" mentality, I call it.
I "get" you on Sat/Sun about obsessing about food. I think because there's no option to "hide in our eating" during the week, our life challenges, though tough, seem do-able. But, given a weekend, we now get that "out" or excuse again to bury ourselves in food, and in return, feel miserable as you said.
I hope you find some peace and confidence in juggling all the many balls you have right now. I'm sure you are doing great, but aren't we all our worst critics?
Take care.

idontknow · Post by **idontknow** » Tue Jun 29, 2010 9:21 pm

Hi Scrybil,

I think it's ok to wallow for a while and sometimes it's necessary before you can move on. I have an unspoken agreement with a friend that we allow each other to wallow for a while and then we ask: So what are you going to do about it?

And lbb is right - you wouldn't be giving anyone else as hard a time as you are giving yourself!

Do you have a plan? I'm not asking for you to tell me (I hardly know you after all

) - I'm just checking that you have solutions and a way forward.

I hope I haven't spoken out of turn -feel free to ignore me - I won't take offence

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Tue Jun 29, 2010 10:25 pm

Oh my, idk no offense at all - I'm pleased that someone(like you & llb) actually cares!

I think perhaps much of my unhappiness is temporary, and of my own creation. And I am one of those people who always has a plan - far too many!

One issue for me is that I have no time to THINK, I just DO.....That is the heart of the issue. And, since I keep overcommitting myself, perhaps I'm actually afraid to let myself think.......

Deep.

At any rate, I am leaving tonight to take our 18-yr-old to college orientation, so will be out of pocket here for a couple of days. And part of my next plan is to carve out some time to journal and THINK.

And see where that leads me......

Grammy G · Post by **Grammy G** » Tue Jun 29, 2010 11:04 pm

My,my,my

... To think you don't have all the answers!! To think you are not living in a 1950s sit-com home where there is no strife and every day is sunny! I think most of us (women) here have the same thoughts and trials as you. How , and I do mean this, wonderful that you voiced those feelings so others can not feel so alone. That was very brave of you.
I hope you do get the time to just sit and reflect..and then sit a bit more...
don't be afraid of the thoughts you have..they are a part of you!
Be as kind and gentle with yourself as you would be if your best friend were in this situation..because she is!
I'll be thinking about you!

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Wed Jun 30, 2010 8:45 am

Hi Scryb,
Sorry things are difficult for you these days. I think parenting of adult and near adult children is a HUGE thing, and it's one of those things no one tells you how hard it's going to be. Kind of like the death of a partent- one of those things that you assume will happen, baring unforseen circumstance, but no one tells you it's going to be SO HARD. Hang in there.
I can identify with the swirling thoughts sometimes, and obcessive food thoughts. I think one thing that helps me (mind you I do have floating S days instead of weekend ones) is to concentrate on the social aspect of eating something special, rather than try to set up the perfect S day indulgence, and then get caught up in thinking too much about what I'm going to have, how I'm going to get it, will it be too much or too little, etc. By combining most of my S events with social things, I can think of who will be there, what will we talk about, etc., as well as what will I serve/bring, or what other food items will be there. It helps to mitigate it for me.
Please give yourself space and time. It's hard to go from very restrive eating to a more open program like No S. Remember the "sometimes" part- you don't have to do a huge S day every weekend day, you can do a part-way one or skip one sometimes, if that keeps the food thoughts at bay. You can do this! I wish you the best.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Thu Jul 01, 2010 9:37 pm

Hello everybody - and THANK YOU for your thoughtful words as I work my way out of feeling sorry for myself.....

Just returning from taking our son to college orientation and we survived it. He is a reluctant student at this school - he set his sights very high, didn't get into his top choice school, and now is resigned to this one. It's a wonderful opportunity, a beautiful campus, he's in the Honors College, so has lots of benes attached to that, the dorm room was great, the girls were gorgeous. And - even with all that - he is grieving over things not going the way he had planned.

Hmmmmm, wonder where he got that need to indulge in self-pity, beat himself up for not being perfect, and having normal life challenges to face.

One thing I'll say for him - unlike his mother, he tends to NOT eat when upset. And I certainly don't know where he got THAT!

So, I'm officially back in the NoS-saddle today and glad to have a normal day facing me tomorrow.

Thank you again - I missed you guys!

Grammy G · Post by **Grammy G** » Fri Jul 02, 2010 12:09 pm

Hi Scrib... You've had a hard week or so! You know, your son might be feeling anxious about being away at any university..and away from his family. It might not all be not going to choice #1.
I think you will still have "the boys' over on vacations and your son will be bringing guys home for weekend visits... maybe girls too, but that's another chapter!!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Sun Jul 04, 2010 11:41 am

Late checking in here, had my Fri nite meltdown again and am frustrated that I seem to keep mistakes. But I'm on track now - and Saturday (an SDay) was actually moderate. It's the first time I've had an SDay that didn't send me into obsessing about food (much) and I think it might have something to do with attending a meditation class in the morning.

Wouldn't it be something if all of my eating problems were resolved with moderation (NoS) and meditation (learning to self-calm)?????

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Sun Jul 04, 2010 5:06 pm

Scrybil, coming in late on this one... I haven't been reading other threads as much while on vacation (home now).

What you describe sounds SO FAMILIAR. The details vary (since I have a nine-year-old instead of a near-adult), but the broad themes are the same. And some of the details (like meditation attempts, job stresses, and "Friday meltdowns") are even identical!

Sometimes, nothing helps except time. Sometimes, having someone tell you the exact same things you tell other people (on better days) is amazingly effective. Your posts are always full of wisdom and kindness - if you reread them, that may help you tap into your own sense of balance.

Sounds like things are already better, and I'm glad.

(PS - one idea that helped me was to recognize that I have "ebbs and flows" in my energy levels. Not like manic-depressive or anything, but definite patterns - let's say, if 100% is "normal," I can swing from 120% to 80%. On an "upswing," I'm superwoman, and can accomplish amazing things on all fronts. On a "downswing," I can cover the basics, but don't ask for more than that. My problem was that I was setting all my goals at the 120% level, then beating myself up when I couldn't achieve them on a normal day, much less a low-energy day! Once I realized that, I began to set more moderate goals - at which I am much more successful. A thought, in case you have a similar pattern...)

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Wed Jul 07, 2010 1:27 am

Thank you for your wonderful note KCCC. Yes, I do have ebbs and flows, run hot and cold. I'm working on balance, and NoS is a part of that effort.

Like with food, I take a mild binge/purge approach to life. Overcommit myself, then back off. Surround myself with tons of people, then need a lot of time alone. Work at a frantic pace for 3 weeks straight, then blow off a day. Read 15 books about vegan cooking, then cook chicken for dinner. Take a class on meditation, then watch 4 straight hours of MadMen instead of taking quiet time. LOL As my mother-in-law used to say,"Never a dull".

I'm better today -- have been in some form of retreat/rebellion for the last week (hmmm, connection to the UGA orientation for son?) with no care for attending to myself. Fortunately, I'm one of those who will get physical activity no matter what, so there's some built-in containment. But I didn't WANT to do it well - I WANTED to rebel and eat badly and be a slob. And, then - like following most rebellions - I felt damaged.

Moderation - so elusive, so powerful.

idontknow · Post by **idontknow** » Wed Jul 07, 2010 9:43 pm

Friday evenings are so difficult! I know exactly how you feel. I try and stave off the meltdown feeling by going to a yoga class followed by a glass of wine. I don't drink alcohol during the working week, so I use it to mark the start of the weekend.

I know what you mean about the rebellion. I used to watch diet shows on TV while eating chocolate. A conscious rebellion against people who want to tell me what to do (that showed 'em, didn't it?!

)

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Thu Jul 08, 2010 12:56 am

LOL idontknow! I love to read diet books gnawing my way through a box of Triscuits.

I'm thinking I might need to change up my Friday nite routine somehow, find another 'tradition' to blow off the week's steam.

Suggestions anyone?

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Thu Jul 08, 2010 1:55 am

I've been thinking about Friday nights as well... will be interested in what you decide to do. For a while, I tried my S-days from 6PM Friday to 6PM Sunday. That worked for a while, then didn't... don't recall the details now.

I like the yoga/wine idea...

Grammy G · Post by **Grammy G** » Thu Jul 08, 2010 11:18 am

I think a glass of wine..yoga..another glass of wine

But then, i don't work anymore..so what do i know!?!

Really, I remember Friday nights being especially hard for me too. I never did come up with anything that even came close to being satisfying..it seemed I just needed to do something to excess tp provide..I'm not sure what... I guess this may be one reason people stop for a few drinks on the way home: that would provide a transition from work to home or week day to week end.

Maybe that is the solution.. doing something nice and transitional between the work place and the home...

.. or maybe not

I'm (I know lucky duck me) not working so I can only throw out thoughts....

idontknow · Post by **idontknow** » Fri Jul 09, 2010 10:07 pm

I hope your Friday night goes well - let us know what successful strategies you use. (I'm not sure what time it is for you, but mine is nearly over. I'm trying to get to bed, but can't move the cat from my lap!)

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Sat Jul 10, 2010 2:04 am

OK, here's the strategy so far (10pm)

Started day with meditation

Worked from home today - more relaxed

Made a VERY good dinner (homemade pesto pizza with fresh tomatoes & avocados) Figured I should treat myself to avoid resenting the restrictions of my life

Went for a walk after dinner to get out of the house & feel morerelaxed

Had two glasses of wine

Got into a text message fight with son over concert plans for tomorrow night that didn't include a visiting friend of his

Going to bed now before I kill him

So far, so good.....

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Tue Jul 13, 2010 1:54 am

Well, I had a reasonable couple of Sdays, but I have to say that I feel I'm just treading water here.....

Since I don't weigh myself, I don't know how much - or if - I've lost weight. So now, I'm trying to decide. If I weigh myself, I could be setting myself up for disappointment. But if I don't, am I avoiding dealing with the reality of where I am? And avoiding doing the right things to get the results I want?

My experience with the scale is that it NEVER does me any good. If my weight isn't where I want it to be, I eat. If I have lost weight, I eat. So, I stopped weighing myself a couple of years ago. And I just make sure the pants still fit.

But I wonder if I'm being obtuse. Other women make comments about me being in shape, being 'trim'. But I don't FEEL that way. And I know that I am not, in fact, 'trim'. I exercise, so I look healthy. And I've figured out how to wear theright clothes to camoflage the weight below the wast - which is where it always seems to go (Mean Old Mr. Gravity)

So, here's the issue. If I begin to track my weight, I might increase my struggle, and I have indeed been struggling. Or, should I stay the course, allow the NoS habit become ingrained?

I'd like some input here - any takers?

sophiasapientia · Post by **sophiasapientia** » Tue Jul 13, 2010 12:28 pm

Hi Scrybil -- I think scale issue really depends on what you can handle. It sounds like you have had a bad relationship with the scale and the "pants check" method has worked well in the past. How are your clothes fitting at this point? Have you taken your measurements at all? What are your No S goals (maintaining, weight loss, healing your relationship with food, etc)?

It seems to me that No Sers fall into a few camps regarding the scale. There are folks who do best weighing very infrequently (like once a month or less ... or even never) like Reinhard suggests. And there are individuals who weigh themselves weekly or daily. There are pluses and minuses to all of these approaches and I don't think there is a right or wrong solution here ... only what works best for each individual.

Personally, I weigh-in daily and graph my weight. This means that I sometimes see significant fluctuations (after S Days sometimes, for example) It also means that I have a pretty good idea of where I'm at and can adjust accordingly if need be. However, I didn't come into No S with scale issues. If I did, I think I'd be very hesitant to use the scale as a frequent tool of measurement, especially if there is a probable chance that it would derail me.

ShannahR · Post by **ShannahR** » Tue Jul 13, 2010 1:09 pm

Hi Scrybil,
I just thought I'd pipe up for the infrequent weigh-in club. I only weight myself once a month. There are several reasons. As you said, it's nice to have a convienent, mostly reliable measure of your progress or lack thereof, a reality check of sorts. I'm not really a measurer, I can't picture myself doing that in the long term, in my mind it requires buying a tape measure, body contortions, trying to do it exactly the same way each time, writing down a whole bunch of numbers, etc. I know I'm not going to do it. Weighing myself is easy, it's one number and I just remember it for 1 month.

The reason I only weigh once a month is I know I'm overly sensitive to failure. I have the same problem as you:

If my weight isn't where I want it to be, I eat. If I have lost weight, I eat.

I feel like the once a month thing gives me a good balance. On the one hand, I have a measurement of where I am. On the other hand, it insulates me from the day to day or even week to week natural fluctuations of weight.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Tue Jul 13, 2010 1:30 pm

I think a metric of some sort is a good idea, just so you know where you are. (A few people on the board were unhappy when they didn't track at all, until they found they'd gained 5 pounds or so.)

Possible metrics
- Scale
- Body measurements
- "tight pants" check (or whatever garment just barely fits and will give you a good indicator if it either doesn't zip or starts to gets loose)

Possible ways to use the scale that might help
- Graph the weight. That lets you see long-term trends and "standard" fluctuations (like, always going up a bit before TOM)
- Develop a meditation around it, something along "accepting what is without reaction"
- Have someone else look at it for you. (They used to do this at WW, at weigh in - mostly that was tracking, but some people didn't want to know. You could set up a baseline, and say "only tell me if there's a 3 lb change in any direction" or something.)

Just FYI, I currently weigh on Friday or Saturday morning, and again on Monday. So, I'm used to both my pre-and-post S-day numbers.

Good luck in figuring what works for you!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Wed Jul 14, 2010 12:51 am

Thanks for all the input, guys - really! I do love how people on this board just jump in & offer to help......so generous!

When I was in OA-HOW, I had good luck with that monthly check in, particularly since I had some support for whatever the results might be. And it's clear I have that support here too.....

Yes, I have had 'relationship issues' with the scale. But the bigger problem is the inability to be realistic about weight, body image, and food. And, like anything else, metrics do promote reality checks. So I'm inclined toward facing the demon-scale once again.

It's clear that I'm making progress. While I'd love to brag on 21 success days in a row, I do 2 full months with just a couple of missteps. And, while the Sdays started out of control, they are beginning to settle down.

When I found this site - and then read Reinhard's book - I felt this tremendous relief that there was a sane structure with reasonable requirements. And the appeal was that this was all so livable.

But, like most things else in life, we need to measure results. Checkbooks, grades, performance evaluations, inventories, statistics - truth, I resent most of these things. But I can see the necessity, and if kept in perspective, none of them need to cause anxiety.

Good Lord, as I listed all those ways to measure things, I could feel my heartbeat getting faster. Clearly, it's not ONLY the scale that scares the hell out of me! LOL

idontknow · Post by **idontknow** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 9:21 pm

Are you using the medal tally on habitcal? You can still get a medal for the month even if you don't do 21 days in a row. Don't know if this will help to motivate you as it doesn't measure results - it's just a different way of measuring success. I love to measure things - but I do know that it can give a false sense of security - makes me feel like I'm in control!!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Fri Jul 16, 2010 1:38 am

Yes, I'm doing the medal thing - got a gold on exercising, but still just beneath bronze on NoS. Just as I get close to medal - DISASTER!

Perhaps I'm medal-phobic?

I think (don't hold me to this)I'll weigh in monthly - probably first of each month. And post here the day before so everyone will keep me sane & honest.

How silly. It's just a number. Why do I give it so much power over my emotions?

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 12:49 am

I've been out of touch a bit- several-day business trip, husband in a testy mood, elderly parent issues..... All contribute to me not being as plugged in as I need to be. I handled food well while traveling (hotel life actually is easier than having ready access to food at home), but I feel I'm in the doldrums with my weight. I plan to stick with vanilla NoS though, and add a regular weigh-in - on the first of each month.

I need a renewed commitment to doing the right things. Habitually. While I love the no-pressure NoS lifestyle, I recognize - at age 57 - I truly cannot eat everything I want. The truth is, I'm NEVER actually full! I don't know what that feels like so can't recognize it. I have spent a lifetime weighin, measuring, dieting, binging, watching what portions others have so I can guage how much I should have.....crazy times! I keep waiting for some kind of natural instinct to kick in and TELL ME WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH! Never does.

But I feel I have a healthier approach to food. I don't let it consume my thoughts. I don't wake up with my first thought "Oh Jeez! I wish I hadn't eaten all that !" It's a huge relief.

So I will claim progress. But I won't even approach a claim to perfection.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 2:27 pm

Scrybil wrote:So I will claim progress. But I won't even approach a claim to perfection.

Scrybil, that made me smile - I consider myself a "recovering perfectionish" and attribute most of my success on No-S from UNlearning perfectionist tendencies.

Celebrate progress at every level. Get over relapses as fast as you can - learn from them, but don't dwell on them. Keep moving in the direction you want to go...

That's my story, anyway. I've had more success with "babysteps" than trying to take giant leaps.

Best!!

idontknow · Post by **idontknow** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 9:41 pm

Well, for what it's worth, I think progress is good enough. If someone else had written that on their thread you would be the first one cheering them on and telling them how well they were doing!

So give yourself some cheers!! Hip hip...

(I'm a glutton - love food, know when I've had enough but keep on eating because it tastes nice. Limiting myself to one plateful has been a good move for me. I know what's roughly a reasonable amount to eat - put that on a plate and when I'm done, I'm done. Following the rules provides such a release from pressure...).

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Thu Jul 29, 2010 12:52 am

Hi guys - you really are the best! I have been struggling, with food and so many things. And checking back in here & getting your terrific support means so much!

Lots happening, not much of it good. Came back from my business trip to face multiple issues with my mother (starting to decline, a heart issue, then a fall, and now possible ovarian cancer). And trying to get son ready to launch at college. And daughter overwhelmed, exhausted and far away doing her medical residency. And husband still in some kind of mid-life crisis .......that I frankly have no patience for at the moment.

I sent daughter a big care package and lots of cards and emails. I am off again tomorrow, this time to go to Mom's and try to offer help and support there. Then back here to move my son into his dorm. And try not to divorce/kill hubby. He'll probably still survive.

So I haven't been posting much, as I don't have access to a non-work computer when I travel and this site is security-blocked for some reason on the company systems. I will probably not be back for another week.

But THANK YOU for checking in on me, and I WILL be back - here and on track.

idontknow · Post by **idontknow** » Thu Jul 29, 2010 7:55 pm

Hi Scrybil - so sorry to hear about your mum - I hope she's ok. You obviously have a lot on your plate at the moment (no pun intended

). Make sure you take care of yourself - you can easily forget to do this when you are so busy taking care of everyone else. I'll be thinking of you and looking forward to reading your check-in next week.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Wed Aug 04, 2010 12:39 am

I'm back home and relieved to be out of elder-care mode, despite how much I love my Mom. She is in pain, and that makes her emotionally fragile - and THAT is not fun! But, she has an overall great attitude, and I admire how she's dealing with her inevitable decline. I hope I got her 'tough gal' genes....

Food - not so great. But I essentially gave myself a pass for the last few days as I simply couldn't predict, plan or control my situation. And, of course, I abused that pass. A sleeve of Ritz crackers for lunch, chocolate covered almonds at breakfast - you get the drift.

But thankfully, things at home have settled down. Being away from the men in my house created a nice level of appreciation for having me around, and both son & husband were inordinately happy to see me. So, as pathetic as it sounds, that resounding welcome has helped me get myself back together today - committed to doing the right things everyday.

Nice long (but hot) run this morning, NoS all the way. August will be better.....

idontknow · Post by **idontknow** » Wed Aug 04, 2010 9:31 pm

Glad you are back, Scrybil and glad you are feeling more appreciated

Good luck for August - I'm going on holiday but I'll be back on 20th to check on you. Hope your mum gets on ok

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Thu Aug 05, 2010 2:50 am

L-O-N-G day at work two days in a row - making up for being out of town several days. No dinner tonite til I got home at 10:30(!) and then had some leftover salad and a few Triscuits - not ideal,but better than in the past.

Heading to bed - whew!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Tue Aug 10, 2010 8:04 am

Such a long week last week, and this week off to a rough start too. We take our son to college today, and I'm up at 4am with Mom-anxiety. But food-wise, actually doing better, although I'm not posting here as much as I'd like. I can't access this site from work, computer at home glitchy.

Weighed myself finally and was lower than I thought I'd be, but since I never weighed when I started NoS, have no idea if I've lost anything significant or not. But now I have a starting point (142) and will start tracking that progress (let's think positive, ok?) here.

I originally planned to weigh on the 1st of each month. Going to adapt that to once a week (Sunday) until I get back on track here.

Thanks for all your great encouragement & support - I'll be in the groove again soon once my life settles down a bit....

Grammy G · Post by **Grammy G** » Tue Aug 10, 2010 12:27 pm

Always enjoy keeping track of you

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Tue Aug 10, 2010 4:53 pm

What Grammy said.

Hope all goes well with the college trip. My sis is dealing with launching a college kid too, and even though I'm years away, it seems like a hard transition. Hang in there!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Fri Aug 13, 2010 1:18 am

Remarkably, I am doing well........

.....despite a painful day Tuesday dropping son off at college ("Mom, I don't think I'm ready for you & Dad to go yet......oh wait, I see 15 gorgeous girls. You can leave now!").

Food - check
Sleep - check
Exercise - check
Happy with hubby - check
Work - ok, well not a solid check, but - hey - it's work, right?

Hubby & I had a nice, quiet, evening, including a healthy dinner of white beans & spinach, something I'd NEVER successfully serve to an 18-yr-old.

Maybe empty nest allright after all?

(Grammy, glad you're back!)

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:07 am

My son is going-on-ten, and so far, at every stage of development there's been something to marvel at and something to miss.

Some of the best parenting advice I ever got...
- If you hate it, hang on. This too shall pass.
- If you love it, cherish it. This too shall pass.

The second one always hits me the hardest, I think. Even though I try to focus on what's cool about NOW. (And NOT what's irritating about now, lol!)

Can't imagine dropping him off at college... but there was a time when I couldn't imaging dropping him off to a birthday party (instead of staying) or even sitting on the side of the pool while he swam without me. So, it will come.

Didn't mean to ramble on your thread. Just wanted to say "I understand." (At least somewhat, at a distance, through similar-but-not-the-same moments.) And wishing you well.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Fri Aug 13, 2010 9:53 am

Thanks so much KCCC - Hubby & I decided to truly embrace the moment and go through some old photos of both of our kids - both now away - and torture ourselves with nostalgia. We were both in tears within 5minutes......

Raising kids the most intense, challenging, fun, rewarding thing I've ever done. And I almost skipped it - So glad I didn't.

It's a trite phrase, but it DOES seem like yesterday when we debated things like "Will he EVER be potty trained?" "Is he ready to spend the night away?" "Can we leave him at home alone for an hour?" "Is he ready for middle school?" The answer was always 'yes' - the real question was always my own readiness.

As you know, he's in a place that offers unlimited opportunity - as well as distractions. Let's hope he remembers who he is.......

As much as I miss both of them, I have to say - I'm really appreciating my husband right now. We're headed into this new phase of our marriage in a good place with each other. That's a huge relief to me - I've watched too many couples drift apart when the kids are no longer a factor.

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Mon Aug 16, 2010 12:34 am

What a wonderful weekend I've had - went to a 'hike inn' in the mountains with three women/friends. We had such a great time, and I felt completely disengaged from the stresses of day-to-day life. Five miles uphill, an overnight stay in the eco-friendly lodge, great food, great company - then five miles back to car then home.

I am learning - oh, how I hope I am learning! - to take these mini-breaks to restore my equilibrium and sanity. I recognize that so many of my food issues are stress-related - and my HABIT of reacting to stress situations with food. I hope to re-program myself to not lean on food as my crutch, but put it in its proper category of pleasurable fuel......

Looking forward to a strong NoS week ahead - hubby starts his classes again, we are without child, I have the time and freedom to cook healthy foods and and enjoy some quiet time this week......

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Tue Aug 17, 2010 12:25 am

Chaotic day today - no time for lunch, early dinner and I didn't overeat. But I feel cheated of a meal. How childish!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Wed Aug 18, 2010 1:12 am

Better today, but MAN this has been one stressful month! Hubby & I were cataloging all the 'stuff' that's been happening and we're both exhausted just thinking of it!

Had a wonderful dinner tonite - stuffed eggplant, roasted new potatoes and onions....mmmmmmm!

Scrybil · Post by **Scrybil** » Thu Aug 19, 2010 1:55 am

Quite evening at home alone, had popcorn for dinner. Is that NoS? I didn't have seconds.....

We have had so much drama this month - one kid leaving for college, another starting new life in RI, my Mom having serious health issues, now hubby have health issues. I'm finding it hard to focus on the things I need to do to take care of myself & feel I'm just maintaining.

BUT, no binging, no flagrant violations of the NoS rules. I need to get back to posting my HabitCal, but honestly just don't have much energy at the end of these jam-packed days.......

idontknow · Post by **idontknow** » Sat Aug 21, 2010 7:16 am

Hi Scrybil - you have had a very difficult few weeks. I think you need to celebrate the maintaining. You have done brilliantly to maintain your habits while all these things have been going on around you. Well done!

I hope everything is ok with your hubby - thinking of you

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Thu Sep 09, 2010 3:16 pm

I'm pullin' for ya, Scryb. Great you're acknowledging all these big, hard life events and not letting them get the best of you.

kccc · Post by **kccc** » Fri Sep 10, 2010 2:24 am

Scrybil,

I consider maintaining under adversity to be a major triumph. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Hope that things get easier for you.

Best,

KCCC