When did you feel "Grown up"?

[Grammy G]

One of my kids asked me this question awhile back. He was 30 at the time and had a profession and a daughter. He told me he still didn't feel "grown up" and asked me when i felt i was finally a grown up. I had to think about that a bit and finally determined that I didn't feel completely grown up until I was thrust into the caregiver role for my parents. When I became their advocate, I finally felt "grown".
My great aunt had given me a mink coat of hers when I was about 21..not my style at all, but aside from that, i never felt "adult" enough to handle wearing that coat. I'd put it on and feel overwhelmed by it. One cold day, I grabbed that coat and put it on without thinking (this was when i had become a caregiver) and..I could wear it! I didn'tt...but I could! That was the moment I knew i had "grown up". Now I am the matriarch of the family...Wow!
How about you? Are you grown up yet???

[ThomsonsPier]

Thirty next month and still waiting...

There have been many small occasions when I've felt 'grown up', but these have all been those things that children see adults do and aspire to for that reason. I felt oddly grown up when I started drinking tea rather than juice; when I landed a job and received a pay cheque through my own efforts; when I bought a car; whenever I've given (asked for) advice to someone and it's helped them.

By contrast, when I got a mortgage, one of the most grown up things it's possible to do, I felt about twelve and couldn't quite believe they were trusting me with a whole flat. Up to that point, I thought a feeling of responsibility may have been the spur to feel adult, but the thought went away.

[wosnes]

When my mother died -- I was 16. I've read that this isn't uncommon.

[Grammy G]

mmmm..Do you think it takes the death of a parent to make us feel grown up?
I'm sorry you lost your Mom at such a young age,wosnes,..and at an age when a Mom is so important to a girl!
ThomsonsPier :thanks for pointing out the serious as well as silly things we think will bring on "grownupness"! I had those same knds of experiences and, at the time, thought I was the only one feeling like I was playing a game of being a responsible adult. Maybe everyone feels this way!

[ThomsonsPier]

Maybe everyone feels this way!

I'd tend to agree with that. A couple of comics for your perusal:
http://xkcd.com/150/
http://xkcd.com/616/

I also find myself wondering if you're right about parents; mine are both still about. A friend of mine lost his father a good while ago, though, and he has a similar outlook to mine. That last may just be thanks to the male inability to grow up, however, as my father is the same and he's sixty-five this month.

[mimi]

When my mother died -- I was 16. I've read that this isn't uncommon.

I agree. I lost my mother when I was 15, and being the second in line of 5 children (with oldest brother away at college) AND the oldest girl, I was thrust into a very difficult and demanding role...but that was a lifetime ago.
As a result of not ever having that adult mother-daughter relationship with my own mother, my daughter and I are extremely close.
I've always felt that my three children were cheated out of a grandmother as well, as so I try to be the best grandmother that I can be - without making them all totally rotten!

Mimi

[Grammy G]

OMG.. I love the comic strip! My morning laugh with a cup of coffee! Sound like a good beginning for a noS day?? I am forwarding the site to my 2 sons who will really appreciate the humor..and thoughts.
You may be onto something TP. Maybe it takes something different for men to have that jog of reality, "I'm the Adult here!" ....
So, you are a son doing what your father modeled and continues to model.
Maybe, for women, once that model is gone..we "grow up"???
Men?? Can't speak for them (although I often try but it gets me nowhere!)
Mimi..My kids' grandparents were unable to spend much time w/their grandchildren and I always felt they(grandparent and kids!) lost so much. My maternal grandmother and I were very close. Like you, I was determined to leave my grandchildren with many Grammy memories. I am having a ball and so are they!
Ya'know..being the grown-up doesn't mean their is not a kid in there too...just saying..

[ThomsonsPier]

My view (which is possibly stolen from somewhere else; I can't remember) is that maturity lies in knowing when it's allowable to be immature. My grandfather (paternal) is still mischievous at ninety-six. I plan to be similar.

[wosnes]

As a result of not ever having that adult mother-daughter relationship with my own mother, my daughter and I are extremely close.
I've always felt that my three children were cheated out of a grandmother as well, as so I try to be the best grandmother that I can be - without making them all totally rotten!

Mimi

Mimi -- I think you could turn that around as well. If your mother had lived, you could very possibly be saying: BECAUSE I had an adult mother-daughter relationship with my own mother, my daughter and I are extremely close. In addition, if you'd had a good or not-so-good relationship with your mother, you'd try to have a good relationship with your daughter. I think you have a good relationship with your daughter because you want a good relationship with your daughter.

This is from a piece written by Anna Quindlen. It's appeared in Newsweek, Good Housekeeping and in her book Loud and Clear. In the book it was called Anniversary and in Good Housekeeping, On Losing Your Mom:

We’re different, those of us whose mothers have gone and left us to fend for ourselves. For that is what we wind up doing, no matter how loving our fathers, family, or friends. On some deep emotional level, we fend for ourselves. The simplest way to say it is also the most true – we are the world’s grown-ups. “No girl becomes a woman until her mother dies,†goes an old proverb. No matter what others may see, or what she herself thinks we believe down to our bones that our mother’s greatest calling was us; with the fulcrum to our lives gone, we become adults overnight.

Grammy G -- while I certainly agree that the teen years is a terrible time to lose your mom, I think it must be harder to lose mothers when you're an adult. A number of friends have lost their moms within the last few years and seem to have a MUCH harder time than I remember having. I think it's because they've always been there.

I definitely have a kid hiding in there, too. She likes to come out and embarrass my daughters!

I do think that my kids missed out by not knowing my parents, even though they have their dad's parents. His parents certainly aren't the kind of grandparents to spoil the grandkids -- not at all.

[Blithe Morning]

I remember when I was 15 and finished my life guard training. I thought "This is IT? THIS is what life guards know? ACK!"

Suddenly, I no longer felt as safe with a life guard watching over me.

The same is true, I think, for adulthood. And probably doctors, the President and 5 star generals. They might know more than you, but they don't know as much as you think they do.

[Grammy G]

TP.. Seems you have two wonderful males in your family to model your "growING-up" behaviors. How lucky you are! I am sure you will be, and are, a wonderful mix of grown up and child no matter what your age!
Wosnes you are always so brimming with insights..and wonderful quotes on just about anything! I have not read Loud and Clear..yet...(right now I am into the 80/20 thing but 20% of my house work is taking up 80% of my time!!)
Blithe.. oh, how your story reminded me of standing before my first class of students!! They, looking at me as though I knew what I was doing and I looking at them and just wanting to run and never come back! I remember the first presentation I had to make to the school board and was scared to death. I didn't see myself as grown up enough to be doing something like speaking to the school board.. gulp! An older, wiser fellow teacher pointed out that the most important thing was to look as though I knew what I was doing..and that 9 chances out of 10 I knew more on the topic than my audiendce..and, if you were to poll the audience in a week, most of them would have forgotten 90% of what I said. I've remembered that for 40 years and have based my public speaking on it!

[wosnes]

I remember when I was 15 and finished my life guard training. I thought "This is IT? THIS is what life guards know? ACK!"

Suddenly, I no longer felt as safe with a life guard watching over me.

The same is true, I think, for adulthood. And probably doctors, the President and 5 star generals. They might know more than you, but they don't know as much as you think they do.

How true! But I think a lot of what the President, doctors and 5-Star generals know comes from experience, not education. Nurses, too. And adults

There's a huge difference from being and acting like an adult and feeling grown-up!

It's kind of like I've told my girls in the past -- the reason I'm the mom is because I've had more experience than you and I know more than you. Sometimes ya just gotta trust that! When I tell them to watch out for this, that, or the next thing (or person), there's a reason: I've run into that kind of thing before. Usually.

[sunhitstheskye]

Being 'grown up' is a concept I've thought a lot about over the past couple of years. I often wondered when it would occur to me. People my age seemed to be doing so many grown up things, or carry themselves in a way, and I wondered if I would ever get there.

Recently, I've become a social worker. This transition into a 'real job' was different for me too in that I not only did that, but I work with teenagers. Me, still viewing myself as a child, not even being able to preceive having kids, was suddenly thrust into this role of being an adult. I have to say "When I was your age", and accept that to these 13 year olds, my 27 year old self is "old", and "responsible". Children really hold you accountable for your actions.

The transition has been somewhat bittersweet, but as a late bloomer, I feel I needed it. We all need to grow up sometime, and we all DO, conciously or not. My spelling has not improved all that much, and I'm still not as grown as a lot of people around me and older than me... But I consider myself at this point about 65% adult. I responded to this thread especially because I've latley been wondering when, if ever this whole "being adult now" concept would have occured to me if I hadin't gone into social work.

[Kevin]

I can't judge your spelling, but your composition style is very accessible. (That's a compliment.)

Being 'grown up' is a concept I've thought a lot about over the past couple of years. I often wondered when it would occur to me. People my age seemed to be doing so many grown up things, or carry themselves in a way, and I wondered if I would ever get there.

Recently, I've become a social worker. This transition into a 'real job' was different for me too in that I not only did that, but I work with teenagers. Me, still viewing myself as a child, not even being able to preceive having kids, was suddenly thrust into this role of being an adult. I have to say "When I was your age", and accept that to these 13 year olds, my 27 year old self is "old", and "responsible". Children really hold you accountable for your actions.

The transition has been somewhat bittersweet, but as a late bloomer, I feel I needed it. We all need to grow up sometime, and we all DO, conciously or not. My spelling has not improved all that much, and I'm still not as grown as a lot of people around me and older than me... But I consider myself at this point about 65% adult. I responded to this thread especially because I've latley been wondering when, if ever this whole "being adult now" concept would have occured to me if I hadin't gone into social work.

[KC 7707]

I started feeling more grown up or older when police officers started to look like kids and I would see a girl in her early 20's and think: "I wonder what her mom looks like."

[sunhitstheskye]

thanks Kevin!! A bit of a writer too, so I really appreciate that-

Karen