Picky Eating... help!

[Anoulie]

Hey guys,

I have a food problem, and although it's not about "I can't stop eating and I'm way too fat" (No S is taking care of it, thank Reinhard), I was hoping you could give me some advice.
Like many of you, I really like food... certain kinds of food, that is. You see, I'm a picky eater. And I'm not talking about the "I don't like cucumbers and broccoli" kind of picky eater. Foods I don’t eat include cheese (yes, even cream cheese), all kinds of sauces and condiments, alcohol* and most cooked vegetables. You can probably imagine that this makes eating at restaurants somewhat... difficult.
I've been this way since I was three or so, and it hasn't really bothered me - until now that I'm becoming more aware of the consequences my picky eating may have on my future life (I'm 18). Eating dinner at my potential boyfriend's house? Going out to dinner with co-workers? Cooking for my potential children (whom I don't want to raise to become like me, of course)? Scary stuff!
I've done some more research on this lately, and I suspect I may be a so-called supertaster ("a person who experiences the sense of taste with far greater intensity than average", according to Wikipedia); for example, once my dad detected a faint taste of garlic in some crackers and I was like, "OMG there is so much GARLIC I have to go spit it out and brush my teeth and OH MY REINHARD the TASTE!!!11"
So should I use this as an excuse by telling people about my Selective Eating Disorder (that exists, supposedly, you can Google it) and risk sounding like a psychotic freak? Or should I just try to make myself like these foods (which I've tried before, even blindfolded so I won't know if it's something I like or not - it didn't work)? Or should I try to hide it (which will be difficult)? Or just live in a small apartment with 72 cats and eat pasta without sauce forever?

Thanks a bunch!
Katie

[Nicest of the Damned]

I'm not a supertaster, so I don't know if this will work for one. But one way I've been able to get less picky is to try foods cooked in different ways. I thought I hated Brussels sprouts, but it turns out what I can't stand is overcooked Brussels sprouts, the way people in my mom's generation and earlier used to prepare them. Find a good, modern cookbook, ideally with advice for shopping for ingredients as well as recipes (I like Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything), and try some of the recipes from it. Don't take any shortcuts or substitute things like Minute Rice for real rice. (I used to think I only liked rice in Chinese restaurants, turns out that I just don't like Minute Rice)

With the pasta and sauce issue, try some non-tomato-based pasta sauces, if what you're used to is tomato sauces. Try varying the ratio of pasta and sauce.

I'd suggest doing your food experimentation when you're alone, if at all possible. If not alone, then try not to be with anyone who would stress or pressure you, or be other than 100% supportive. Stress can take away your appetite all by itself, even if you're eating something you really like.

[Who Me?]

I suspect that I'm a super-taster, but thankfully it's positive thing for me. I *love* good food, and I live in a part of the country famous for good food.

Perhaps you need to eat better food, and cultivate joy in eating.

I don't eat any junk food, because I genuinely find the chemical flavor disgusting. But, oh boy! Do I love fresh fruits and veggies!!!

I plan to be a crazy cat lady, and maybe I already am.

[Anoulie]

Perhaps you need to eat better food, and cultivate joy in eating.

I don't eat any junk food, because I genuinely find the chemical flavor disgusting. But, oh boy! Do I love fresh fruits and veggies!!!

I already eat good food and enjoy eating... it's just that my food needs to be PLAIN. No sauce, no mixing stuff, no seasoning except salt, etc.

[Who Me?]

So, can you explore what it is about non-bland food that you find offensive?

[Marcie]

I can speak to some of the social stuff--I'm not particularly picky, but I have multiple, extremely severe food allergies, which makes the the social significance and ubiquity of food a pretty fraught topic for me.

Basically:
You need to learn to separate food from social activity and hospitality. Look for social settings and activities that aren't food-centered, and if you do have (or want) to do something food-centered, take the bulk of responsibility for organizing it--cooking, making restaurant reservations, &c.

In situations where you can't control your food choices, be frank about your needs and preferences *while taking responsibility for them*. Food is a really emotional thing for a lot of people, and it's easy to give accidental affront; make sure it's *very* clear that the issue is not your faith in the other person's good will, but your own peculiar palate.

Any friend / partner / mate worth their salt will be understanding about this stuff. Seriously. Don't resign yourself to the plain pasta and cats just yet.

I would, however, avoid the Selective Eating Disorder label--or any other--unless you've been officially diagnosed.

As for the rest:
Vegetables are reeeeeally nutritionally important. Since cooking tends to *remove* flavor, is the issue you have with cooked veggies textural? Could you try experimenting with different ways to prepare them, or to work them into dishes where they'd be mostly overwhelmed by other flavors--meatloaf, or stews, or croquettes, or baked into breads?

[Nicest of the Damned]

One thing to watch out for: sometimes food dislikes turn out to actually be food allergies. When you're trying a new food, unless it's seasoned with Szechuan peppercorns (which is not something I recommend you try for a while), it is NOT normal or OK for you to have a tingling, itching, or numb feeling in your mouth, or to have swelling or trouble breathing. If you're trying a new food, and get that kind of sensation, stop eating it right away. Food allergies are not something to be messed with. They can quite literally go from a minor annoyance to deadly overnight. The most common food allergies are to milk, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, fish, shellfish, soy, and wheat. Strawberries and tomatoes are other common causes of food allergies, but there are many other foods you could be allergic to. See a doctor ASAP if you suspect you might have a food allergy.

It's possible that your dislike of cheese comes from a lactose intolerance. If you get nausea, cramps, gas, or diarrhea between 30 minutes and 2 hours after eating dairy products, you might be lactose intolerant. Again, this is not something you can get over on your own, and is not likely to go away by itself. See a doctor.

You don't get heartburn after eating acidic, spicy, or fatty foods, do you? If your problem is heartburn, or tasting those foods again for hours in the back of your throat, there are things you can do about that. See a doctor.

What happens if you mix two things you like together (that are also two things that most people would agree go well together)?

Is there a common flavoring in all sauces and dishes you don't like? How would you describe it, if there is?

Is there a particular ingredient that shows up in most of the things you don't like? You might just dislike this one particular ingredient. For just about any ingredient except water, it is possible to cook a variety of foods without it.

Try to relax about eating. Tension and hating yourself for being this way are not going to help. Steer clear of people who say that picky eaters are spoiled or babyish, or who make comments about how only first-world people are picky eaters (not true, by the way). Some people feel like it's OK to say very cruel things about picky eaters. Some people think they should ridicule or shame you into eating something. You don't need any of those kinds of people around you. You do not deserve to be shamed or humiliated, or to have cruel things said to you, no matter what you don't eat. No one deserves those things, you included. You are a good person, or not, pretty much independent of what you eat (unless you're a cannibal, or something like that). Anyone who thinks you can't be a good or polite person and a picky eater is ignorant and wrong.

[Who Me?]

I *am* the person who developed life-threatening allergies. In my case, it is to the members of the nightshade family, so farewell potatoes, goodbye eggplant, so long tomatillos, I'm going to miss you peppers and chile, and oh tomatoes.... whatever will I do without you. I *love* all these foods, miss them terribly, mourn for them when I go to the grocery store, but just can't keep ending up in the emergency room of the hospital.

I wouldn't wish this on ANYONE.

[Blithe Morning]

Why does it have to be either forcing yourself to eat food you don't like or telling people about this syndrome no one has ever heard of?

Most of the people you interact with won't notice or care once you explain that you prefer your food plain. Those that do, just be polite but firm about your preferences. If you don't make a big deal about it, neither will they. Just be sure to be friendly, positive and kind to anyone who gives you food. That's all people want. The nice thing is that the older you get, the more people leave you alone about that stuff.

It is possible to fly for quite a while under the radar without drawing undue attention to what you eat. I'm a daytime vegetarian in cattle country so I know what it's like to be the odd person out.

[Nicest of the Damned]

Basically:
You need to learn to separate food from social activity and hospitality.

A lot of us on this board could stand to do this. Wanting to be polite and sociable is one reason why people overeat. I'm sure we all have our stories of doing that.

A lot of people think others will make a bigger deal of it than they actually do if you decline food. Just try saying "no, thank you" or "I'm not hungry". A lot of people think something terrible will happen if they do this, then they try it, and nothing happens.

I can tell you that, once you get past college age, most people will not make a big deal of it or question it if you say you don't drink alcohol. Some people in college might be jerks about this (though by no means all), but most post-college adults have enough tact not to be. Some people might ask if you're pregnant, or assume you are because you don't drink. They might ask nosy questions about that, or about medical conditions or religious beliefs that make you unable to drink. You don't have to tell anybody why you don't drink alcohol, it's not their business.

Don't think that you don't deserve or can't have a social life because you're a picky eater. Don't think that you can't be a good girlfriend, co-worker, friend, wife, or mother because you're a picky eater. You can. This does not mean you don't deserve to date, get married, have children, or have a job. Neither does it mean you can't do those things. It might make them a little more difficult, but not impossible.

Your potential children won't inevitably inherit your pickiness, either. There are lots of people who love foods that their parents won't touch. I'm one of them. My parents hate spicy food, and my mom hates garlic. They never cooked those things at home. I love spicy food and garlic. There's a generational divide on spicy food in the US- Baby Boomers and later tend to like it, older generations tend not to. That must mean that a lot of Baby Boomers learned to like something their parents didn't. People don't always dislike the same foods their parents did.

If there are a lot of types of foods you're not eating, I'd recommend taking a multivitamin. Better safe than sorry.

[Who Me?]

I do think you should speak to your physician about this. Perhaps you can get at the root cause of your inability to eat most foods. If you can't sort that out, you should be trying to avoid malnutrition.

[Marcie]

Basically:
You need to learn to separate food from social activity and hospitality.

A lot of us on this board could stand to do this. Wanting to be polite and sociable is one reason why people overeat. I'm sure we all have our stories of doing that.

I noticed when I started No-S that it was *much* easier for me to stick to because I had already done this to a fair extent. As a rule, my friends don't push me to eat out with them or snack at their houses; nor are they offended if I turn down an invitation or a dish. One of the few advantages of life-threatening food allergies.

A lot of people think others will make a bigger deal of it than they actually do if you decline food. Just try saying "no, thank you" or "I'm not hungry". A lot of people think something terrible will happen if they do this, then they try it, and nothing happens.

I can tell you that, once you get past college age, most people will not make a big deal of it or question it if you say you don't drink alcohol. Some people in college might be jerks about this (though by no means all), but most post-college adults have enough tact not to be. Some people might ask if you're pregnant, or assume you are because you don't drink. They might ask nosy questions about that, or about medical conditions or religious beliefs that make you unable to drink. You don't have to tell anybody why you don't drink alcohol, it's not their business.

This. Or don't bring it up. If someone asks what you want to drink, request a soda, or tea, or water. It also helps to have an arsenal of alcoholic-looking drinks that can be made from common bar ingredients--tonic water with lime, &c.

Don't think that you don't deserve or can't have a social life because you're a picky eater. Don't think that you can't be a good girlfriend, co-worker, friend, wife, or mother because you're a picky eater. You can. This does not mean you don't deserve to date, get married, have children, or have a job. Neither does it mean you can't do those things. It might make them a little more difficult, but not impossible.

This. This, this, this. So much.

[Anoulie]

Thank you all so much. This means a lot to me.

I sent the same question to an advice columnist and she basically said, "Stop whining, you'll grow out of it." But when you keeo reading about 50-year-olds who will only eat fries, white bread, milk, and cranberry juice, this is kind of hard to believe. Not very helpful.

I am determined not to let what I eat determine the way I live. I set up a third HabitCal, I called it CulinaryExplorer. It means I have to try a new food every day with one of my meals, and I have to take at least three bites and swallow them. This will be really hard... but I hope it'll help. Wish me luck.

Oh, and by the way, I don't take any supplements, but I'm still pretty healthy (I eat lots of fruit, but not a big variety, of course). And I can't be lactose intolerant either, since I drink a lot of milk.

[Andie]

Hi Katie,

I think your habit cal culinary explorer sounds like a great idea! You're young still, don't worry too much about picky eating affecting your life. I was never really a picky eater, but there were some foods I didn't like and wouldn't eat until I was in my early 20's (asparagus, fish, seafood, olives) and I like them now. My husband was much more of a picky eater than me, he wouldn't touch yogurt, sour cream, mixed foods, and much more. Then he got a job at a convienience store where he was served chinese food by the (chinese) owner every shift for dinner. Guess what? He learned to like mixed foods! Then he met me and I made him try all sorts of new foods. Guess what? Now he eats just about anything, the last hold out for him is beans.

Good luck!

[Who Me?]

I'll keep saying this: I think there is value in identifying *why* you have aversions to so many foods.

Forcing yourself to eat is certainly stern stuff, but does it help you *enjoy* food?

[Clarica]

I like the culinary explorer thing, but I don't recommend "making" yourself do more than taste something.

One of my friends was originally quite picky, and has slowly branched out into a larger array of tempting food, which is great if you feel frustrated and limited.

I probably have a normal range of foods that I find tempting, and my niece will try anything and loves a whole lot more. Probably because her father encouraged her to try anything, but didn't insist she 'finish' anything or go hungry. (or because she hardly has any tastebuds is another possibility I suppose. But doubt.)

I don't love vegetables as much as I'd like to, and my tips for slipping them include: salt, pepper, butter, and lemon. I don't know if they'll help if you don't like those things much either though!

[Nicest of the Damned]

Be sure to try new foods prepared in a variety of different ways. You might not like something fried, but you might like it if it were steamed. Find a good modern cookbook and see how things are supposed to be prepared. Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything is a good resource for this. I prefer the old yellow edition to the new red one, but either should do. It has instructions on choosing ingredients at the market and basic instructions on preparing a wide variety of foods.

Try fresh, canned, and frozen versions of foods. It's entirely possible to like fresh asparagus and hate canned (I do).

I was a much pickier eater when I lived at home with my parents. My mother is a wonderful person, but [whispers] she's not really much of a cook [/whispers]. It doesn't help that she grew up in the 40s and 50s, when convenience foods were all the rage. For example, I thought I only liked rice in Chinese restaurants. It turns out that what I don't like is Minute Rice, which is all she ever made at home. I don't like Brussels sprouts cooked the way they usually were when she was young (boiled to mush), but I do like them when they are prepared without overcooking.

[Clarica]

Oh yeah, and if you can afford it I recommend sampling expensive food, even eating out and 'wasting' anything you don't enjoy. Because learning to cook well is a big job, but learning to cook food you already know you like is much more fun and satisfying than striking out at random.

[Nicest of the Damned]

Oh yeah, and if you can afford it I recommend sampling expensive food, even eating out and 'wasting' anything you don't enjoy.

If you're overweight (and I assume you are, why else would you be on a diet board?), not eating food that you don't like is not wasteful. In economic terms, it's only wasteful if you ignore the externality:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Externality

that eating too much food will make you more overweight and cause health problems. Health care for health problems, including those caused by being overweight, is expensive. Food is relatively cheap (assuming you live in a developed country). Eating food you don't want so you don't waste it, in today's first world economy, is like leaving the door open all winter to avoid wear and tear on the hinges, while ignoring the increase in the heating bill that it causes.