Everyday Systems

DH and I have been attending a mid-week small group in friends' homes. The problem is that almost everyone brings a (very delicious!) dish or snack to contribute to the buffet. The time of the group is at 8 pm and I cannot wait to have dinner there, nor do I know ahead of time what dishes/snacky foods will be provided and whether I like them; rather eat my dinner at home with hubby...
At times I only drank hot tea at the group or gave in and snacked.
I'd think that some of you have similar situatlons; any ideas or suggestions? Thank you for your time to respond to my mine.
hh

I don't believe in trying 100% of the time to emulate the naturally skinny, but I do sometimes remind myself what one of them would do in such a situation if she had already eaten, since she didn't want to wait to eat so late or would rather eat with her hubby. She would likely put some food on a plate, eat a bite or two, and forget it. She would very likely not feel obligated to eat more than that for anyone else's approval. Or she might just skip the plate overall and have nothing solid.

Naturally thin people do not seem to fear other's disapproval of them for not eating. I think it's partly because it's usually so obvious that they are not doing it for diet reasons or to seem superior. They just aren't hungry! End of story.

If it's not the pressure of the group, then it's an inside job, and you need to remind yourself that you will likely feel better having a plan in place and sticking to it, no matter what. It's usually the randomness of our eating that does us in. Most people just aren't meant to eat randomly.

Alternately, and this is not orthodox No S, but I think can fit in the spirit of it, think of your dinner on this one day of the week as one in which you separate the foods into courses. The French can take hours to eat dinner. You say you're not sure what people will bring or whether you'll like the offerings but you also say that everyone brings delicious fare. You sound a little torn. It might take you a few weeks to figure it out, but I bet you could have a small plate at home with your husband and have about a fist-sized serving of ONE thing that looks the best from the buffet. I'd opt for eating a soup or lovely big salad at home, possibly with some protein, since the party offerings are probably often good and starchy. Whether at home or away, savor every bite and then get on with the evening and the company!

But save dessert for the weekend.

I don't mind eating later, so I'd be happy to make this my dinner one night a week (just sticking to the savoury stuff). You say that doesn't suit you, so I think the options oolala gives are great. Certainly a smaller than usual dinner at home, followed by a side plate with a small serve of whatever looks best to you from the savoury buffet could work.

The only other option I could imagine would be to make this one of your two S days. I wouldn't do this, as I find that way too many special events tend to fall on the weekends. However someone else (I think it is vmsurbat) has S days on Friday and Sundays and has been very successful.

I agree with oolala and ironchef. There is no way I could wait until 8 PM to eat dinner, so I would eat a smaller dinner at home, and then get small amounts of a couple of the foods that look the best to you at small group.

Hi heatherhikes- An interesting puzzle that I face, too. I used to try floating S days because of this, but that didn't work well for me, as it was too flexible. I have a few strategies now... sometimes I skip breakfast that day, and have lunch, supper and second supper. If I know something especially good is going to be there, I try to work in one of my 2 NWS days and have at it. Sometimes I have a small plate of what looks good and call it a "red event", so I recognize it as a fail, but keep it limited in scope. This is useful, because I can look at the month and evaluate whether those "red events" were a significant factor for me. I noticed recently that the red events were almost non-events, but the "what" of too much heavy food on my regular daily plates was actually a big deal, and adjusted accordingly.

I would probably eat breakfast and lunch later so I could hold out until 8pm. Personally, I can't eat beforehand due to commuting anyways but rescheduling the rest of the day might help.

As for the foods that will be there: well, if everyone is bringing things why don't you bring something you know you'll like? That way you know you'll be able to have dinner there.

Otherwise, I'd go with oolala's advice on courses.

I think if you can, work on having just the tea. If possible, make Wed dinner a little heavier and more appetizing than usual so that you can truly say "No thanks, not hungry."

I'm not a super strict No S but a weekly event really isn't Special enough to me to merit altering the rules.

Thank you all. I appreciate your wonderful ideas and thoughts on this! Probably will mix and match depending on my day and mood. Some weeks I'll eat my meals later, having my dinner at the group.

As an NoS-er you are not alone dealing with certain problems; others at the community often go through the same thing at some point. Thanks again for sharing. I am real grateful for this forum and the kind support here
hh