Feeling discouraged

lin47 · Post by **lin47** » Sun Mar 15, 2015 6:49 pm

I started NoS a little more than two weeks ago, and as of now, my red and yellow days exceed my green ones. I'm really discouraged. I mean, if I cannot follow this plan---which is the simplest one that I know of---what hope is there for me? I lost 45 lbs through calorie counting, have probably regained 5-10 of that over the past year (don't weigh myself, but can tell by the fit of my clothes), and was hoping that this plan would help me at least stop gaining. What's hard is that my husband (who is naturally thin) likes having dessert around the house, and I have a horrible sweet tooth. That sounds like an excuse as I type it, and I know it really is. I need to take control of this, but I don't seem to have the willpower to do so. I vacillate: Sometimes I feel as if I need to immerse myself in a rigid traditional diet to at least lose the excess weight, but then I start thinking about how consumed I'll be by the weighing, measuring, and counting, and I mentally cannot face it. The alternative is to continue trying---and apparently failing half the time---NoS.

Is there any successful, longterm NoSer out there who has had many false starts but has ultimately succeeded? This will be probably the forth or fifth time I've started NoS, and I don't want to give up again.

gingerpie · Post by **gingerpie** » Sun Mar 15, 2015 8:29 pm

Does it help to not think of it as a restart but as a continuation on your way to improvement? Small difference I know but I feel like it has a big distinction. You haven't failed. You haven't stopped trying. You just haven't succeeded yet. I bet you learned a lot in the last two weeks though.

I "Failed" and am still failing over and over again if you look at all the red but each time I failI learn a little bit more. Eventually I learned some key elements that made the whole process a little easier.

Her are a few of my lessons that might help you out:

1) My husband loves me a bunch but he isn't going to give up his chocolate for me. I buy the kind he likes but I don't Like. He feels special 'cause he gets his favorite and I'm not 1/2 So tempted.
2) There are probably parts of no-s that are harder for you than others. For example: I have no issue with snacks before dinner. Only after. Find your weakness and be proactive about managing your environment at those times. Is it dessert at dinner? Decide beforhand what you are going to do when your husband has his dessert. You can fit a piece of fruit on your plate to have as your dessert while he has his or, if you like coffee or tea, you can get your favorite kind to sip on while he eats.
3) Be nice to yourself. You didn't establish your eating habits in two weeks and you aren't going to chang them in two weeks Either. It takes a long time to change a habit. I don't know where the 21 Day thing came from but I know from past experience that it takes way longer than that. I was still failing dismally 6 months after I started but I celebrated the success (even if they were imperfect) and forgave myself the fails.
4) Somebody somewhere said "Strive to make today better than yesterday" If you do that, you'll get to where you need to go. - I'm sure of it.

Good luck on your journey.

wxwoman · Post by **wxwoman** » Sun Mar 15, 2015 10:34 pm

I am very all-or-nothing. On the previous attempts with No S, if I had a couple red days, I'd abandon the whole thing. The longest I ever made it was 6 weeks, which really isn't too bad.

This time, it's been since Jan 1 and I am still going strong. So what's different this time?

I think the most important difference is that I am taking my S days Mon and Fri. That way, I have no more than 3 N days in a row, and don't get so crazy on S days...and liable to throw in the towel as a result.

My biggest problem was always snacking at night. If I am off work and home at night, I go to bed relatively early. I don't eat breakfast as soon as I get up. I wait a couple hours and then space out my meals from there.

It really is a matter of habit, and does become easier over time. Last night at work, there were a bunch of mini cupcakes sitting on the table behind me. I went over and had a look at what I wouldn't be having, and that was that. Now that I've got a fair amount of time under my belt, I really don't want to mess it up.

lin47 · Post by **lin47** » Mon Mar 16, 2015 9:41 am

Thank you both so much! You both have given me some good ideas to consider. Gingerpie, I do need to adjust my environment. The truth is that my husband likes lots of desserts that I don't, so why don't I buy him those?? Also, I completely agree about it taking more than 21 days to build a habit. If I think about the few past successes I've had in either eliminating a bad habit or building a new one, it sometimes takes me years.

wxwoman, that mod sounds great.

Thinking about it, my problem seems to be the carry-over from S days, i.e., I buy something that I and my husband like for S days, but then I have leftovers, and those haunt me on N days, and I've been caving.

It's a new day, though, and I am not giving up. I cannot face calorie counting or any other rigid diet, so I need to make this work.

Thanks, again, for the encouragement.

Manishavyas · Post by **Manishavyas** » Mon Mar 16, 2015 11:35 am

just throw those leftovers out ...just bin them ..out of sight ..out f mind

noni · Post by **noni** » Mon Mar 16, 2015 10:12 pm

I have the hardest time throwing away leftovers! If there are any on Sunday night and I really like it, I will freeze a portion for the next S day. It keeps me from thinking about my "loss." And sometimes I'll even forget it"s in there!

I have anywhere from 3-4 slender males living in my house. They are happy if I have around some store bought cookies and ice cream as staples, but these are never my favorites, if I'm serious about No S. I like to bake, but I will do that on a Saturday, so I can enjoy it both days with my family.

lin47 · Post by **lin47** » Mon Mar 16, 2015 10:19 pm

All good strategies, noni. I need to use the freezer more. Years ago, I didn't mind "wasting" food, but I eat organic, and with food prices so high, I feel as if I am literally throwing out money when I throw out food. Freezing is the best option.

mitchelll · Post by **mitchelll** » Wed Mar 18, 2015 6:27 pm

This may not work for you, depending on your location and responsibilities (I live in an urban area and have no kids and a very flexible schedule). What I like to do is limit my weekend treats to venues other than my house. For example, I'll walk to the local ice cream parlor for a scoop instead of buying a pint of Ben & Jerry's. That way I have built in portion control and get a bit of exercise. I've gradually done the same thing with diet soda after I decided to cut back: I no longer keep it in the house and only drink it when I'm at a bar or restuarant. I find it so much easier to avoid over doing it with tempting food and drink if I have to go out and actively procure my treat.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Wed Mar 18, 2015 10:57 pm

I highly recommend a strategy very common in cognitive behavioral treatment. WRITE DOWN two lists: one of the reasons you don't like the behavior you are trying to change, the negative consequences, and the second of the benefits you will get from the behavior you want to practice. I can tell you that statistically, weight loss in and of itself is actually a poor motivator for most people. It's okay to have some cosmetic reasons, but most people will not continue with any new behavior that doesn't actually bring some greater pleasures than the ones they are giving up. What will these new pleasures of moderation be? A livelier step? A feeling of greater vitality? Even greater enjoyment of the food you do eat? A greater sense of peace, not being batted around by food desires? You get the idea. After writing those, review especially the second one multiple times a day for several weeks at least.

Of course, having good behavior strategies as suggested helps, but habit theory tells us motivation- the future- is what counteracts the pull of the past.

lin47 · Post by **lin47** » Thu Mar 19, 2015 11:50 am

Mitchell, that is definitely a great suggestion, and in my saner frame of mind, it's one I practice. If it's out of the house (or even out of sight), it's not a temptation for me.

Oolala, thank you for that suggestion. I am going to try it. I will feel so accomplished if I just emulate "normal" eating behavior, so that will be one motivation for me.

I'm already back on track, so I'm going in the right direction!

nbh76 · Post by **nbh76** » Fri Mar 20, 2015 12:50 pm

You can do it lin47 ! Have a good Friday and tomorrow is an N day sooooo!