Feeling discouraged

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** » Wed Nov 25, 2015 9:49 pm

Hi all! I've done about 5 weeks of No S now, and decided to weigh myself today. I have lost...nothing! Oh dear. I'm not entirely surprised - having done the maths (in a very general sense and in retrospect) I know that I'm still eating more calories than I need. And this has discouraged me: I've been using quite a lot of willpower to do the N days, and yet the overall result suggests that I'm still eating too much across the course of a week. So naturally, the thought "why bother with all this effort, if it doesn't create a calorie deficit?" entered my head.

I know I need to modify my S days, but I worry that planning & eating small, controlled, singular treats will feel just like calorie counting. Tense, snatched pleasures, over too soon, etc. etc.! Like the mini Mars bars I used to eat in my dieting days! Arghhhhh. They would almost make me weep with the desire for MORE!

Another thing that's come to my attention is that while focussing on establishing No S habits, I've forgotten that the whole point is to EAT LESS and LOSE WEIGHT. That seemed sensible at first - just to get the habits in place and stop relying on quick results - but now I feel I've lost sight of my motivation. Why am I doing this? Do I want to lose weight or just successfully follow someone's diet plan? The second is a great achievement, and I have been feeling rather proud of myself...but now it feels pointless!

Help! Any advice welcome!

Hope you're all well. All the best from Octavia x

NoelFigart · Post by **NoelFigart** » Wed Nov 25, 2015 11:14 pm

I don't know if you've read any of the posts about giving the process time, but you do need to. S-days are often outrageous starting out, then get to calming down.

Yes, the idea is to eat less, but let habit come first. Seriously! The whole point is that you're intending to eat this way forever. This is a lifelong habit change, not some quick fix.

Five weeks isn't long enough to break a lifelong diet habit, believe me. I'm speaking from experience when I say you want to give this years.

Even so, I don't know what your goals are or how much weight you want to lose. If you're short, older and already smaller, it's not going to make you ballet thin to eat this way. That's not the point. The point is to have a healthy relationship with food. Barring a metabolic disorder, the weight will come down, but it may be you won't look like a movie star.

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** » Wed Nov 25, 2015 11:56 pm

Thanks, Noel. Hey, how did you know that I am shorter, older, and already smallish?!!!

I only need to lose 10lb. Just turned 50. Five foot five. It's not easy to lose that pesky sort of weight. It has grown there slowly over a decade or so, and as work and parenthood have made me busier, I've become more sedentary and more inclined to reward myself with food. That's the habit I need to break. I've found that the No S rule of not snacking has really nipped that in the bud. For me it's the most significant change. It's one that I really believe in, so I want to carry on with it! I feel more positive when I think of that.

Thanks for your reply. Really enjoy reading your posts by the way!

All the best X

tacodiscos · Post by **tacodiscos** » Thu Nov 26, 2015 12:31 am

My s days were ridiculous... the last few weeks were better... but I am four months in. It takes time. Zero lbs gained is better than any positive number gained. I really enjoyed The Beck Diet Solution book... some of the thoughts you are having are covered in there. It's helped me a lot. But really, give it time... you did not gain, that counts for something. I fully understand your frustration and am cheering for you!

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Thu Nov 26, 2015 3:35 am

Maybe give just a little thought to making your N day plates slightly lighter. S days often eventually take care of themselves.

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** » Thu Nov 26, 2015 11:21 am

Thanks so much for your replies. I am definitely carrying on! Taco, I do have that Beck book on my Kindle, and I'm going to read it again. I had dismissed it as being too much about the power of conscious thought - too complex and effortful to remember - rather than about habit, like No S. But I'm going to reappraise it in the light of what I've learned recently. Thanks for that hint.

Osoniye, that's a good idea too. I need to make a bit more effort to ensure that I have plenty of fruit and veg on my plate, and not too many carby, fatty things. I've had lunch at Costa a few times recently, where the only options are toasties dripping with cheese!

A million thanks to you guys! It's great to get advice from folks half way round the other side of the world! Hope your day is going well.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Nov 27, 2015 5:21 pm

Hey, it hasn't been even 48 hours since you first posted and some of that was over a holiday!

Is losing weight really your only concern? I mean, is that really the best reason to establish habits of moderation? Is it really okay with you to imagine overeating for the rest of your life? Or do you think you were not overeating before? Because if you were not overeating, then maybe it's too much to expect to weigh 10 pounds less permanently. It would mean you would have to undereat permanently. It has its advantages, but takes either a lot of motivation or happy circumstances to maintain.

I'd say give yourself a year, being aware of how full you get and aiming to be hungry for the next meal. It actually takes three years of maintaining a 100-calorie daily average deficit for the body to adjust to a ten-pound loss because of its lowered needs. If your experience is anything like mine, the weight loss is not steady ,but happens in fits and starts.

Hang in there and learn to enjoy the food you do eat more! Then try to expand in the rest of your life. Got to replace that old eating time with something!

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** » Fri Nov 27, 2015 10:57 pm

Thanks, Oolala. You seem to understand these confusing issues really well. (Diet books - with the exception of No S - can be so simplistic!) You've really made me think. what I want to gain from No S is greater enjoyment of my food, as well as weight loss. I think I should go back to not weighing myself, and focus instead on enjoying the No S lifestyle. I keep on forgetting really important things - such as how lovely it is to enjoy a glass of milk or juice if I'm hungry between meals. And how my meals don't have to be particularly small.

Tomorrow it's the weekend and I'm going to have my S days, even though I've just had a string of reds!

Thanks guys. X

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Sat Nov 28, 2015 4:57 am

Enjoy your S days, Octavia!

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** » Sat Nov 28, 2015 12:24 pm

Hahahaha, I said I wasn't going to weigh myself again! But I did! Oh dear. I've gone to 'the next stone up'. That's for the first time since the birth of my daughter 13 years ago! Oddly enough, I'm feeling relatively slim in myself, having instigated an Everyday System I call Morning Corset.

this consists of doing one of the old Callanetics stomach routines every morning. The one where you stick both legs in the air. It works!

But I digress. I have put on weight. It was probably meant to happen, with or without my bumbling attempts to do No S. I'm carrying on, though. Even when my thoughts turn to the old calorie counting, I end up thinking that banning snacking is the best way to reduce calories.

I invented another Everyday System this morning. I am calling it (fanfare and drum roll please) Apple Sandwich. I chop up an apple and eat it in between eating my two slices of toast (not in a literal sandwich, but as a middle course!) It makes me feel really stuffed, and is more enjoyable than tagging the apple onto the end of the breakfast, when I don't really want it. And making myself eat the cold, joyless apple first, before the delicious toast, feels too punitive. So that's my news....hope all is well with you guys. Thanks for your greeting, Osoniye! Hope you have a good S day too.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sat Nov 28, 2015 5:35 pm

I have often made open-faced fruit sandwiches, sometimes with just a smear of a nut butter (I prefer almond), and a whoosh of cinnamon. I might dust with stevia. Chew well and savor! It's a makeshift pastry and leaves me more satisfied than the "real" thing.

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** » Sat Nov 28, 2015 5:47 pm

Ooh, that sounds nice. Do you toast the bread? White or brown? The idea of dusting the fruit with cinnamon is surely the secret of making this luxurious and pastry-like. Thanks for this fruit-optimising tip!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Dec 07, 2015 3:41 am

I don't usually toast it, but I do like bread warmed in my panini press or convection oven.

Mipe · Post by **Mipe** » Wed Dec 09, 2015 6:35 pm

Hi Octavia! I have been doing No S for about 6 months now and have lost about 8lbs. It does feel like slow progress but I have noticed some big changes recently:
1. I can now put a plate of biscuits out for other people without being tempted to eat any myself.
2. If I feel hungry for a snack I can have a cup of tea instead and really enjoy it.
3. The other week I had some chocolate fudge cake for dessert (it was a Saturday) and I actually felt a bit sick afterwards!
These are all things I never expected to happen so what am trying to say is it will work if you stick with it, the beginning is hard but it gets much easier! x

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Dec 10, 2015 12:58 am

Welcome to the board, Mipe!

RAWCOOKIE · Post by **RAWCOOKIE** » Fri Dec 11, 2015 6:36 pm

Hiya - I'm 61yrs old, 5'3" and have about 10lbs to lose! I've been doing No S for 5 months - overall, my weight has drifted down about 4lbs in that time - without any 'dieting' going on. The thing about changing our eating behaviours and establishing new habits is what it's about. Today, for example, I was really quite hungry at around 11am - but I make myself wait now until 12 midday before I allow myself to eat lunch. This action alone must have saved me hundreds of calories that I'd previously have consumed mid-morning - and boy do I enjoy my lunch these days!

Keep going - listen to the podcasts - have faith in the process.

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** » Thu Dec 17, 2015 11:17 pm

Hello all - haven't checked in for a while, so sorry I didn't say Hi before now, Mipe!

raw cookie, great to hear from you and lovely to learn that NoS is working for you. Very encouraging.

I've been unwell with a bad cold for the last three weeks, and have lapsed into random eating and no exercise. Fortunately I should get some rest next week! I very much want to re-establish my good NoS habits. Hope you guys are well as we approach the busy, festive time of year!

Merry · Post by **Merry** » Fri Dec 18, 2015 3:55 am

Octavia wrote:Hello all - haven't checked in for a while, so sorry I didn't say Hi before now, Mipe!

raw cookie, great to hear from you and lovely to learn that NoS is working for you. Very encouraging.

I've been unwell with a bad cold for the last three weeks, and have lapsed into random eating and no exercise. Fortunately I should get some rest next week! I very much want to re-establish my good NoS habits. Hope you guys are well as we approach the busy, festive time of year!

Hope you feel better soon! Hate those colds that linger on.