Everyday Systems

There is a person retiring where I work, and on Friday, we are going to have cake and ice cream for him.

I was able to pass the donuts on Tuesday 🙌🻠but I'm not sure how to handle this.

I suppose my choices are:

1) Don't eat the cake

2) Eat the cake and mark a red

3) Take a piece of cake and squirrel it away for Saturday

Now that I'm writing this, it seems so ridiculous that I would be thinking about that cake. I'm sure most people (besides the lo carb people at work) haven't given it a second thought.

If I eat it, it will be red and the lo carb people will be abstaining with that "those carbs sure are making you fat" look on their faces 😡

If I don't I'll get that "are you dieting?!" Look.

I guess I shouldn't care, but I dread it.

I have found a general and rather vague 'No thanks, I'm eating sensibly in the week' seems to satisfy most people's curiosity. In fact, most people care more about their own choices than yours. Out of your options I'd go for 3, you may well find you don't fancy it come the weekend, but at least you have the option and won't feel deprived. Most cake freezes well!

Are you likely to enjoy the cake? Personally, I don't care for cake and just take a drink (tea or coffee if they are available, water if they aren't) to keep my hands busy while everyone else eats. I agree that most people won't notice and those that do probably have their own issues. There certainly is no good reason for you to base your decision on someone else's issues.

Just a couple things you might want to consider:
1) As I said, are you likely to enjoy it even if you take it?
2) Will you enjoy it enough to make it worth a "red"?
3) If you take it home, is this likely to be the only treat that will cross your plate over the weekend or will there be plenty of others?
4) How often does you work place have cake eating events? If it's once a year, maybe eat the cake. If it's once a week, you might want to put boundries around such events.

It's been my experience that once the cake is offered and I've either declined or, as is more often the case, the pieces are just placed on a table for the taking so I just don't take one. - no words are exchanged regarding cake. I wonder around with a drink and make small talk and that's the end of it. Very occasionally, someone will mention the cake and then I exclaim how delicious it looks. That honestly seems to be all anybody really wants.

Good luck to you whatever you decide.

Isn't it amazing that people can think you're "dieting" because you don't eat cake? Actually, you are. You're changing your diet and it doesn't include sweets as often as it used to.

You don't have to call it a red; you do get two extra S days a month. But I would opt for one of those only if I really wanted the cake, not to avoid other people's reactions.

My workmates know by now I rarely eat sweets at work. They see me eat pizza and other stuff so they know I'm not a purist.

Other things I've said are, "I wish I was hungry enough. I'm still too full from lunch." If the time is right, I say, "I'm saving my appetite for dinner." But I usually also change the subject quickly. Taking a piece for later often seems okay to people, but I wouldn't do that unless I really intended to eat it later. Might as well get used to your new habits.

People at my job are allowed to say "No, thank you" without any follow up harassment. We assume they didn't want the cake, not that they hate the person being honored.

Along the same lines as Gingerpie's input, if it is somebody's famous chocolate cake and this is your one opportunity to try it, take the red or take a piece home. If it is some generic store bought cake that's not worth the red, skip it.

And if you're enjoying your cake, don't imagine that people are judging you for it. Your body, your business.

If you don't want to partake of the cake for whatever reason(s), perhaps you could be the "cake slicer" (or hander-outer). From my recollections of parties, whether at an office or a home, it is rarely noticed whether the slicer and/or hander-outer take(s) a slice of cake.

Brilliant!

I have perfected the art of distracting people by holding a coffee/tea and making small talk. I don't think people realise I'm not eating. But my work has treats frequently so I needed a strategy.

If pressed, I usually say it looks lovely, but not hungry at present.

When my husband forgets and tries to feed me between meals or with desserts, I often feign heartburn. It works well!

Tell a little lie, "I've been diagnosed as pre-diabetic, and have to watch what I eat. Thanks, it looks delicious." And move on.

I LOVE the idea of being the cake cutter--pure brilliance!

But otherwise, I'd walk around with a coffee or tea and chat with people. I actually find that people don't notice I'm not partaking as often as I would think they would, and I can just say, "It looks great, I'm just not hungry right now thanks." and then change the subject.

If it's a dessert I really like, I'll say, "I'm not hungry but I'd love to take a piece for later!" (I did that tonight in fact--we had worship team practice and our leader often bakes. She's a good baker! I saved a piece of her lemon cake for my next S day!)

You can take a special S day if it's really a special day to you. Personally, I love cake and ice cream and I love a party, so I would consider it--others might not.

One thing I have noticed when I am not eating at parties is that the smells are really enjoyable. I have a friend who bakes great brownies, and sometimes I take one for later--but I've had brownies before and will have them again, so I don't worry about not eating one on an N day. I just enjoy the smell--and I get so much enjoyment out of it that sometimes I marvel at how I don't enjoy the smells as much when I'm eating (too busy eating I guess). Maybe that sounds weird, LOL! But...you might try it sometime on something you feel you can pass up. It's kind of a neat experience.

My stock answer is 'not just at the moment thank you'. That plus a drink in hand works fine for me.

Merry - sometimes I just enjoy the smell as well.

Thanks for all the ideas. It's funny how we are all so used to coming up with things to say about why we won't be eating sweets. As you say, probably nobody cares and if they do then they have the problEm.

I am still not sure what I will decide to do.

It's been a rough week. My husband and I live apart half the time (long story) but he has some issues that affect me in a big way. Also switched Hrt about a month and a half ago and finally titrated down off and anti depressant over a long period of time due to this weight gain and feeling better.

So, I have insomnia, anxiety and headaches and I'm not sure what is causing them, or if it's a bit of all of it. I go to my obgyn on the 9th, so I'm hoping to get better before then or at least talk to her then.

I finally broke down and took an ambien yesterday about 7:30 and slept for 8 hrs straight. Resting in bed until now.

I am becoming aware that I really need to take care of myself. I need rest, good food and not too much of it, exercise, some fresh air and positive people near me (stay away from Facebook)

I'm looking forward to the weekend. It's supposed to be beautiful here, and I get my new bed. I pray that I didn't make a bad choice in spending all that moneyðŸ™ðŸ» but I wake up so many times at night in the bottom of the canyon of my mattress and have to climb out of the huge dip.

Geez white whine, I know, many would just love to have a mattress period!

I'm on meds, too, and would be ecstatic if Ambien got me 8 hours of sleep.

Working sure gets in the way of a lot of stuff. If I could just go back to bed after a night of being awake and not have to be anywhere in the morning, life would be so different! 'Course I'd be living in a hovel...

oolala53 wrote:Working sure gets in the way of a lot of stuff. If I could just go back to bed after a night of being awake and not have to be anywhere in the morning, life would be so different! 'Course I'd be living in a hovel...

Right?!! I have to be careful to not get to daydreaming too hard of retirement. I'm just 52. I don't want to rush things, but day yum... I'd love to be a stay at home kitty mom

Well today they decided to do the cake at work instead of friday. Also, donuts were brought in for the second time this week and guess what?! Didn't want any of it.
Even the "carb people" at work cheated on the cake. I couldn't believe it. I had to go by there table and say "those carbs are gonna kill ya, you know?" All in fun...

I'm feeling stronger somehow. Thank God I got a good night of sleep. It makes all the difference. Problems are still looming in my personal life, but today I'm OK.

I had so much sleep I got up at 3:30 am and move the mattress out of the bedroom and took apart the bed. When I got home from work I cleaned the carpets in there. Those Tempurpedics are heavy so I don't believe the bed will be moving for a while.

Lilybug wrote: Even the "carb people" at work cheated on the cake. I couldn't believe it. I had to go by there table and say "those carbs are gonna kill ya, you know?" All in fun...

LOL!

I hope you like your new mattress!

This work stuff annoys the HECK OUT OF ME. I work in a small office of women, and everyone notices who eats or does not eat the cake. If people are not eating the cake, we get to hear things like "Oh, I don't eat stuff like that." or "I'm gluten intolerant" or "I'm doing whole 30". Then, the people who wanted to eat the cake, sneak eat it later in the day when no one is looking, otherwise, there are all these guilty eyes on them. It's the most awkward work situation we have here. I don't even know why we bother bringing in sweets. Drives me CRAZY. Whether I eat or do not eat The Cake is literally no one's business. I seriously work with a bunch of people who have complexes.

What I usually do when in this situation is, get a piece of cake, get a fork, make a BIG DEAL about the cake (ie-Oh YUM! This is looks SO DELICIOUS!!!! What is that? Is this chocolate? My favorite! I LOVE SWEETS! You guys went out of your way... etc etc etc!!!"). Then, I mush the fork around on my plate while standing there chit chatting with everyone, take the plate back to my desk with me, and then promptly dump the whole thing in the garbage when no one is looking.

It's my big f-u to the whole awkward work treat situation. lol.

I think it's a sign of the middle class and lower that there is so much attention on what and how much people eat rather than on the quality and deliciousness of the food without a need to overeat it. (Those are certainly my legacy.) Or maybe it's just been part of the diet culture for so long. I find it very hard to believe that the rich sit at dinner making a big deal about how much anyone is eating. Not that they don't have norms. But they're likely pretty much adhered to, so enough said.

And of course, if YOU said, "Look, can we just either have food and enjoy it without reference to health issues or just plain NOT have food around except for a couple of times a month?" You would be looked at as the crazy, difficult one in your office, most likely.

Is there anyone slim there who doesn't get that influenced? That just has it or not, as she feels?

But really, your strategy is appropos. (sp?)

What I usually do when in this situation is, get a piece of cake, get a fork, make a BIG DEAL about the cake (ie-Oh YUM! This is looks SO DELICIOUS!!!! What is that? Is this chocolate? My favorite! I LOVE SWEETS! You guys went out of your way... etc etc etc!!!"). Then, I mush the fork around on my plate while standing there chit chatting with everyone, take the plate back to my desk with me, and then promptly dump the whole thing in the garbage when no one is looking.

It's my big f-u to the whole awkward work treat situation. lol.[/quote]

LOL. Yes, it drives me nuts. I'm trying to heal from all the diet bullshit that I've spent my life wasting time on. Its never worked and only made me obsessive with no real results.

Ooolala... my boss is very trim. She exercises daily on her lunch hour- most of the time- she eats oatmeal and an apple every day. She has cake, or not when we have it. She never does a diet. Its people like this that I look at as successful.

Why not count it as an S Day for that occasion and have a piece of cake? S Days don't have to be just Saturday and Sunday. They can also be holidays, birthdays, retirements, bachelor parties... They don't happen often enough to sabotage your whole diet, especially if it's only one piece of cake.

But if you're just starting your journey, I can understand wanting to be strict until you get the hang of it. I'd probably take a very small piece of cake and leave it at that. Or replace the day with one of my weekend days and have Saturday or Sunday as an N Day.

Why not count it as an S Day for that occasion and have a piece of cake? S Days don't have to be just Saturday and Sunday. They can also be holidays, birthdays, retirements, bachelor parties... They don't happen often enough to sabotage your whole diet, especially if it's only one piece of cake.

But if you're just starting your journey, I can understand wanting to be strict until you get the hang of it. I'd probably take a very small piece of cake and leave it at that. Or replace the day with one of my weekend days and have Saturday or Sunday as an N Day.
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I know for me, I would end up having at LEAST one additional S-Day a week if I did this. On the rare occasion that it is something truly special, beyond a birthday or work anniversary, I may part-take, but otherwise, I just avoid.

Just to say, trading weekdays from week to week with a weekend day as an S day is not official No S strategy. It invites bargaining, which is cognitively expensive and not as habit friendly as a steady weekly strategy. Of course, there is no police here-except your own human predilections.