Everyday Systems

Is no s diet good for people with perfectionist type of eating? I am a control freak when it comes to my eating, but not in a good way. I need to lose at least 50lbs. I have an extremely WARPED view on eating. If I overeat or if I feel like my eating isn't perfect, I'll just go eat the rest of the day without trying to fight off the urge or whatever. It's a vicious cycle that I want out of
Help

I call this “all or nothing” eating. What helps me is breaking the day down into 3 slots on my calendar. 1 slot for each meal. If I mess up then only 1 slot gets a red... not the whole day because that’s where the all or nothing will make me throw in the towel. If I have 1 red slot then I can aim to make the next 1 green. Getting out of that mentality takes a lot of redirecting self talk!

Ok, my input here is not necessarily the best source because I do not struggle with this way of thinking. However, I will give a little input based on watching these forums for almost 6 years.

This diet won't work if your go-to response to mistakes is to self-sabotage and start thinking about the next "perfect fix" diet as soon as you make a mistake. But no diet works with that frame of mind. Dare I say - in a culture with unlimited access to foods and no traditional rules around food anymore - being overweight is the normal end result for those of us with a metabolism that lets us get overweight.

That said, you have to start somewhere and I think jumping in to this approach is a very sane option. But it won't fix the vicious cycle you referred to. I HAVE seen many people make a lot of progress with your way of thinking, but I think you will need outside help, such as spend the summer reading about habit changes, and books on self-compassion (basically anything by Brene Brown). Maybe see a counselor (I think we are all better off with a paid empathizer from time to time, lol). Brene Brown even has a book on "The Gifts of Imperfection".

And, I always give my plug for using the Daily Check-in. Although after making this plug a zillion times and seeing that most people only want to "journal" on here while they are focused on food regulation, I am now altering my constant suggestion to -- "just start journaling". Use this forum like I do, or another online anonymous journal, or start a blog, or just use a Google doc, or a plain old notebook, but start the long process of peeling back the layers of your perfectionism to get to the scared and hurt little girl under all of that. Once you reassure her that she is loved even when she makes mistakes, she'll start taking small steps toward you and away from her prison of perfectionism.

Perfectionism is a real destroyer of happiness and a stealer of joy. Good luck and .. welcome aboard?

Thank you both for the excellent answers. I love the caily 3 meal calendar Idea and I'll look into that author. I've known about nos for a few years, but have bounced back and forth and can't commit. But I feel like I have newfound hope

Just to add, you can sabotage No S with the attitude you talk about as well. By the way, you are not alone in the kind of reaction you are talking about. It's actually typical for dieting, that is, to respond to slips by going off the deep end. It's called officially the 'what-the-hell" syndrome and it's been mentioned myriad times here. You might see people say you have to overcome WTH. It's an essential skill no matter what food plan you choose. It can be a little easier with No S because it has so few rules to break, but is still an issue. It's also the one that most long term weight losers say was key to their final success. Most did not adhere perfectly to some strict diet forever, but got derailed for less and less time by mistakes. That's what they mean by saying they went right back to their plan.

I gently suggest that you stop saying I HAVE to lose 50 lbs. because if you tell yourself that but then act in a way that doesn't get you there fast, it sets you up for what has been called unproductive suffering. There is no doubt that you COULD lose 50 lbs. by doing some regime that would probably be very difficult to impose on yourself. What you HAVE to do is find the pattern that will reduce your overeating enough to avoid some health problem I assume you either have or are on the verge of having. Unless someone is extremely motivated, traditional diets do not have good track record of getting people to do that for the long term, though having a health scare is often one of the most effective motivations. If it hasn't done that for you, then a more gradual path is more likely to get you long term results. But keeping in mind what benefits you will be getting- less chance of X, Y, or Z health problem, whatever would be more likely in your case-can make forgoing extra food or certain kinds of food as often seem like a much better deal. But you have to really believe it, not just think you should believe it. That may be a process, one that is similar to eating changes in that you have to meet yourself where you are, aim for small changes, be tough before you make mistakes and gentle afterwards.

Warmest wishes!

Thank you, very true and a lot of good insights to think about!