Everyday Systems

Hi all,

For a month I was doing really well with No-S. I was exercising regularly, I was eating right, and the inches flew off. Then I hit a wall. Let me explain my situation.

I hit the wall when I moved across the country (west coast to east coast) for a new job (just a few weeks ago). I don't know anybody here. I do scientific research and I'm kind of worried because I'm supposed to come up with a project but all of my ideas are falling through. To top it all off, my boyfriend of 8 years is still on the west coast and is suffering from a serious depression. Many days, I call him in a good mood and then hang up depressed (and frustrated with him) for being so, well, messed up. I guess that sounds mean, but it is sometimes how I feel.

To top it all off, I'm not in a major metropolitan area, so it isn't as if there were lots of random things with which to distract myself (i.e. museums, good live music). Yeah, I'm in the south too (I'm definitely a northerner). Actually southerners are much more friendly, helpful and polite, but I guess I just feel out of place sometimes. I do work at a university, which thankfully provides some diversity to this area (and a little bit of life, but as I said, it sure isn't like a big city). Oh yeah, and I have to wait for a few months to buy a car (I want my finances to be totally stabilized), so it is harder for me to zip away.

Maybe some of you are thinking "why did she take this job?" Well, actually there's a lot of good things about the job, and I got a government grant to do my work, which means I have a lot of freedom to do what I want. My new boss and co-workers are really wonderful too.

Okay, so back to the whole diet thing...My physical activity has been okay, although not quite as good as before (I can use one of the university gyms for free, but I have to get there super-early to do any weight-lifting because the undergrads have a class there). I also generally walk at least 30 minutes a day, and many times much more than that. It's just part of my daily routine, because I'm working at a land grant university and the campus is big!

What do I do when I'm at home, especially on weekends? I binge eat. According to what I've read, it wouldn't be considered serious binge eating, but I still feel bloated and ill afterwards. I feel angry at myself too. In two weeks I visit my boyfriend and his family for Thanksgiving, and I'm just going to be the same old chubby chick. I visit my family at Christmastime and I want to be a good example for my niece (she's 9 years old and 150 pounds--she seriously needs a role model, because her mom sure isn't a good one ). Why can't I get on the program? It was working so well. Now I feel myself getting weird cravings during the day for sweets (I don't normally have a big sweet tooth, so it is strange).

I'm going to work on staying out of my home as much as possible. Yesterday sucked because I got a bed delivered and I had to be at home, so I screwed up again.

Anyway, I guess I'm kind of venting and I just don't want to fall off the wagon. I've fallen off of the wagon so many times I'm getting really battered. They say that if you're relatively close to your ideal weight it can be really hard to lose. I have maybe 20-30 pounds to lose and it just seems like I have to watch myself so much. If I just slightly tip the balance, I start to gain (or at least stop losing). Arrgh! For once in my life I'd like to not worry about being fat...

I apologize for the overly verbose, rambling nature of this posting.

H

No need to apologize for rambling, sometimes you HAVE to do that!

Regarding the binge eating on weekends, you simply have to get control girl. Even if bad things are going on in your life, bingeing will not make those things any better, on the contrary EVERTYTHING will feel worse. Of course you already know this but maybe you need to hear it from someone else.

You have a weekend coming up. NOW is the time to resolve that you are going to stay on track this weekend. That will get you back to the habit that you have to redevelop. I KNOW you can do it, you've done it before and have been successful at this, so you already KNOW what to do and how!

My suggestions: be sure to drink plenty of water. Every day but really use this to help you on the weekend. Also what are you eating too much of? If there is a certain food (like sweets) that are tempting you, get them out of the house! Yes, I know we are supposed to be able to have a treat now and then on the weekend, but it's dangerous to have that stuff around when you're feeling a bit low anyway. Think about the weeks that you were sticking to the program, it felt good, didn't it? You want to feel good this weekend? Just do what you did before, OK?

Good luck to you my dear. I don't know how active this board is yet, as I just joined myself. But don't hesitate to come here if you need to, I bet someone will be here to help you through a tough time.

Hang in there, hexagon. Stress and sleeplessness are big contributors to the urge to nibble, so there's a reason your eating feels less in control now. But I agree with Rollo: be strong. You can do it.

What do you do when you're feeling stressed (even if you like your environment and your job it's still stressful to move to a new place and have new work at the same time, boy do I know)? Long baths when you want to binge? Joining a karate class? Meditation? Maybe instead of the shovel glove, do some sort of stress relief therapy for 14 minutes every morning???

I can't help wanting to give you advice and solve your problems because I'm often in the same boat. We can, we will do it. Hang in there,

Z

Hang in there and concentrate on one thing at a time - you have enough stress in your life with out adding to it. A move is terribly upsetting to any routine and trying to get them all back on track at the same time may be too much at one time.

Maybe for the next week concentrate on No S then next week on drinking your water and the third week start getting back into your exercise.

I'm a stress-eater too. The No S rules really help me there - My brain just goes "no snacks!" so I have to find something else.

For me, that list includes...
-Journaling (have you ever worked through "The Artist's Way," by Julia Cameron? Can't recommend it enough.)
-Listening to things that soothe me. (Current fave: "Zencasts" from iTunes.)
-Scented candles - the good stuff. Or a fire, if it's cool enough.
- Glass of wine. (I love that I can have a glass on this diet. Feels like a cheat or indulgence)
- 15 minutes of industry (I set a timer and attack whatever corner of my life most needs organization. Stop when it dings. Such a feeling of competence/accomplishment.)
- Getting outdoors for a while. Doesn't matter what.

Hope some of these strategies work. Just remember - stress-eating only compounds stress, b/c you add self-loathing to all the other things that are stressing you.

Best wishes.

That's a tough situation, been there myself from time to time. I think your problem isn't really food-related though... it's more just being lonely and bored and eating becuase it's something to do. I may be off-base here... I'm saying that just becuase that has been my experience in the past.

But like most everybody else has said, get out there! How big of an area are you in? I'm not in a giant city myself (it's maybe 250,000 people), and there's stuff to do if you look around. It does get harder the smaller the city gets, but you're likely to find something that interests you.

Sports leagues are a great way to exercise and meet friends, as are group exercise classes at gyms. If you can find something you think you might enjoy, go for it.

Are there any volunteer or charity groups? Any religious groups (if you're so inclined) to join? Those are great ways to meet friends and do something productive and meaningful.

Or, if all else fails, maybe try taking up some hobby, or learning a foreign language?

As for the car, you can always rent. I have a co-worker that doesn't have his own car, but rents every now and then to take road trips. There are always bicycles, too.

An even more radical idea - have yuo considered getting a pet?

Whatever you end up doing, good luck!

Hi,

Thanks for all of the support. While I didn't eat as well as I normally would this weekend, I didn't go on a binge, either. I guess I have to understand that when there are big changes in my life, I can't just expect everything to fall into place.

Thanks again.

--H

Congratulations on having a more "normalish" weekend, I am jumping up and down for you, and you should feel really good about it! You're back to building on your success. Please keep telling yourself this!

Positive self talk, keep it up!

Hexagon,

Sorry you've run into some trouble, but when big life changes like moving to a new job in a different part of the country happen, it's hard to keep young habits running smoothly.

I would say don't beat yourself up too much and don't despair about being able to pick up again when things settle down. Yes, you have some sub-ideal circumstances to deal with, but at least things are now stabilizing, so you know what the factors are that you have to take into account.

Identify your weak spots (days at home), be extra vigilant on those days, and do whatever you can to minimize your exposure to those weak spots (get out whenever you can). When you feel yourself about to slip, say (out loud, if possible!) "as good as this will taste, think how much better I'm going to feel much better if I resist. I'm going to brag about resisting, and reward myself for resisting." And then do brag about it (if only to us) and do reward yourself somehow.

If you can pull this off for a few weeks, habit will kick in again. Appetite will learn that even in these new circumstances, it'll have to behave.

Reinhard