Everyday Systems

Hello,

I am that supposedly inexistant fat frenchwoman (also I dislike both cooking and wine, and I don't eat baguette if I can help it. Not to mention that I don't own a beret).

Anyway my eating habits and weight were pretty normal until I left my parent's home. At first my eating was completely irregular, depending on whether I made it to the uni restaurant or to the sweets vending machine. Then my ex introduced me to pizza and mcdonalds. In my most dishonest days I still lay all the blame on him. The truth is I didn't know how to eat and never cared to listen to my parents' advice, plus I had and still have problems with depression and anxiety which I used to treat with comfort food.

I never really dieted. I did lose some weight at one stage by eating less (I would buy a sandwich for lunch and eat only half of it, then I would eat the other half at 4pm instead of sweets). But it was not sustainable obviously because it is so outside of social norms.

I was also interested in nosdiet a couple of years ago but I don't remember whether I tried it at that time or not. Anyway I started in November, then I lapsed during the holidays (all that chocolate). Since January it's been going pretty good on the "no snacks" and "no sweets" (actually I take care never to have sweets at home on N days). "No seconds" is more difficult. Or maybe not. I don't actually take second servings. But I eat too much often and I feel too full. Anyway my mean weight has decreased by about 1.5 or 2 kg (that's 3 or 4 lbs).

Motivation has been my main problem I think. I am not very very big (BMI is now 26, that is "overweight") but sufficiently thick-bodied to feel safe from male attention. I am not sure how typical that is (I mean, to feel that one's weight is a protection). Probably extremely common. Also my shape make me different from my sister (a very annoying woman who is also extremely thin). I am trying to get motivation from the health aspects (teeth, knees, blood sugar etc.) Actually my knees are my main motivation. I have patellofemoral syndrom. Supposedly a lesser weight would decrease the symptoms.

I am not sure why I felt the need to post today. I came to the site because I was bored out of my mind at work. Then I saw all the new material from Reinhart. Then I read the forum...

I am glad to see you here. Thank you for posting about yourself.
I can bet you that you knees would feel better if you took some weight off. that's one of my goals. I have ankylosing spondylitis, which is constant inflammation of my spine (with no infection present). It's an autoimmune problem. Anyway, I've got a good 60lbs to lose and I know I would feel so much better.

Anyway, lest I continue on... give it a try, post often for support and give it your all. You might be surprised with yourself.

Great luck to you

I have always had the habit of eating for comfort too... but am learning to find other ways to comfort myself. It is a very liberating concept, and has made my world much better.

Eating for comfort is an attempt to take care of yourself - though a mis-guided one, with its own costs. To develop other habits, you may have to deal first with the underlying motivations for comfort-eating. Your post really sounds as if there is a part of you that isn't sure it wants to lose weight... and has real reasons.

This may sound silly, but I sometimes work through stuff by writing "dialog" between the "inner voices." (My standard cast of characters are Emotional Self, The Voice of Reason, The Internal Critic - officially banned, but keeps sneaking back, and Physical Body - usually quiet, unless overly abused. Emotional Self and Voice of Reason are usually the most talkative. Other characters may work for you.) You might try getting "emotional self" to talk about why you need protection, and why you need to distinguish yourself from your sister.

Best wishes. No-S has helped me "make peace with food," and I wish you the same outcome.

Sounds like your weight problems started when you stopped following a traditional French diet. When I lived in Europe I weighed so much less, and it is because the food was pure. Not full of chemicals and crap like here.

Hi Rose

I think there's much myth in the French women don't get fat and Mediterranean neither, I live in Portugal, our diet is mostly Mediterranean and I've traveled in Spain, France and Italy and there's fat people everywhere.

Maybe the proportion isn't so high as in the US but it mustn't be very far, just give us 5 years. Of course we can stick to a pure traditional diet, but people who do that do make a conscious effort to, believe me.

Welcome, Rose.

rose wrote:I am not very very big (BMI is now 26, that is "overweight") but sufficiently thick-bodied to feel safe from male attention. I am not sure how typical that is (I mean, to feel that one's weight is a protection). Probably extremely common.

You're not alone there. Not at all. There have been times in the past when I've lost weight, couldn't deal with the increased attention from men, then (not on purpose) put the weight back on and found that I felt a lot safer.

My motivation now has to do partly with wanting to buy nice clothes, and partly with wanting to feel better. I'm tired of carrying around excess food all the time and feeling miserably stuffed at the end of meals. I've gotten really into yoga, and I'm liking the things my body can do when I'm lighter.

Thank you all for your comments and advice.

In my experience, the so called "traditional diet" is only partly tradition (like eating croissants for breakfast and pastry for dessert on sundays only, the rest of the week you get plain bread, and yogurt or cheese and fruit for dessert), partly a lack of money combined with a taste for quality rather than quantity, and mainly a deliberate effort of the parents to give healthy and varied food to their children (having vegies, bread/rice/noodle, and some kind of meat or dairy product at every meal).
So, the parents' awareness of healthy food varies. It was very high in my youth. Right now there is a renewed effort from french health authorities to educate the public. So I am hopeful that we will not let the situation degrade too much...

Anyway for me noSdiet is like going back to the eating habits of my childhood (improved: I now actually eat and like the veggies, instead of pushing them to my sister's plate and eating the meat from her plate). Except this time I am the one in charge and I do it deliberately instead of just eating what my parents cooked.

Regarding the inner voices: yes I have been listening to them these past months, trying to understand why I had trouble applying the recommendation from NoSDiet or from the health pamphlet. Just started a book about transactional analysis also. The first chapter says about problem resolution:
ask the Parent part of yourself (i.e. the part which mainly reproduces behaviors learnt from parents): Is this my responsibility to solve this problem ? (well, I am 32).
ask the Adult part of yourself (the objective part): do I have the means to solve this problem ? (mostly yes. Some psychological help might be needed).
ask the Child part of yourself (the emotional part): do I want to solve this problem ? How can I get the desire to solve this problem ? How could I sabotage the resolution of this problem ?

This "sabotaging" by the inner child coincides with finding advantages to being fatter than the social norm
Anyway I am turning my inner child around slowly... by focusing on the actual benefits I expect from the weight loss. And yes I'd like to be able to buy clothes more easily and also have more breath for singing. Not sure what I should hope for regarding the knees. Unfortunately dammage has been done already. Oh well. Let's drop 15kg and see what happens with the knees

Hmm... I think my "cast of characters" somewhat maps onto the TA categories. With the "Internal Critic" as parent, since I had a very critical mother and became self-critical as a result. It's a habit I'm unlearning, since I don't want to pass it to the next generation.

Rose, I hope you find a way to nurture your "Inner Child" that doesn't involve food. And I have been reading some amazing things lately about how even late-life health changes (exercise, weight loss, etc.) DO make a strong positive difference. They're talking people in 60's and 70's, so if you make changes NOW, consider yourself pro-active!

Best wishes!

This is a wonderful forum for us emotional eaters and there are so many people here with a rebelous inner child that we are practically running a day care center.
Seriously, though, there are a million diets out there that have worked for one or more people and this one is one of the best and easiest to fit into anyone's lifestyle. BUT and it is a bit butt(pardon the pun), you gotta wanna lose the weight and you have to be able to give up some pleasure for future reward. It has taken me over a year to get to the point that my rational adult and my inner child are working together. In my never-to-be-humble opinion, the failure problem for a lot of us is not the type of diet, it is not the wonderful taste of the food, it is not our lifestyle etc, etc. It is an internal battle we are waging. We want to succeed so badly we are miserable and in a lot of pain. But we sabatage ourselves over and over again for a million different reasons. All of them personal. It is a painful journey but there is no way around and no short cuts. If we experience pain of any kind, we can pop a food pill and for a short time, the pain will lessen. Then we repeat as necessary. There is a lot of pain in life so guess what happens? There are other ways to deal with pain but they are slower and take time and effort. For instance, I know I feel much better when I exercise, meditate, stop mid-stress and work to de-stress. It works like a charm. Why don't I do it all the time? Food is much quicker. Not as efficient and damaging to my health but it is quicker.
You know those commercials for pills that lower blood pressure? Altering life style and diet also help to reduce blood pressure. Taking the pills is bad for your liver and there are numerous side effects. Altering your life style and diet has all positive side effects. Why do almost all people choose the pills? They are easier. That is why I spent my life medicating with food. Is it healthier? No, but it is easier. I am unlearning that but it is taking a lot of time. No easy solutions.

Bienvenue, Rose!

I think inner children (like outer children) like firm but reasonable boundaries.

I tend to use animal training metaphors when talking about appetite, but child based ones work just as well (maybe even better).

I am always happy when I see French http referrers in my web site logs (and there are quite a few!) because if the nation most associated with a healthy and pleasurable love of food finds No-S appealing, there must be something profoundly right about it.

Looking forward to hearing more from you,

Reinhard