Everyday Systems

It seems that when I try to go 21 days on NOS all I want to do is eat. I know the diet makes sense but I seem to fail right away. With every failure it seems harder to get back up. I really need to lose weight for my health! My problem is that when I mess up that I get so down that I want to eat more! Anyway, at first 21 days seemed very doable,but now it seems almost impossible .

I have issues with that as well.

Some ideas...

Ease into No-S. Take one habit (no sweets, say), and build it. Then go on to the next.

Focus on the positive. Remind yourself you can have treats on the weekends. Make the 3 meals you do eat the best you can - yummy food that you really like. (This time of year, I can go nuts on fresh garden produce.) Instead of saying "don't eat sweets," tell yourself "do eat ___" (since I like fruit/veg, that's my option. But you can include whatever you like that you'd like to get more of.)

Reward yourself for every day you're on target. EVERY day. Make a list of things you like, particularly things that appeal to the senses. A lot of us use food as the "default treat," and one way to stop eating so much is to enlarge the repertoire!

An exercise that helps - make a list of five thing for EACH of these stems:
- I love the smell of...
- I love the feel of...
- I love the sound of...
- I love the look of...
- I love the taste of... (Yes, this gets included on the list, though I suggest you stick to the other items for most of your rewards. You will have both N and S items on the list, and that's okay - will help you figure good meals for N days and nice treats for S days.)

My usual advice - cheer yourself on instead of beating yourself up. Listen to your internal dialog; it should sound like you're talking to friend, not your worst enemy.

It took me about a whole year of failed attempts to get a straight 21 days on habit. After a bunch of times I just left that goal out of it and it wasn't until I got to my one year anniversary that I found the motivation to make it for a straight 21 days..
Don't be hard on yourself and don't get psyched out.
Peace and Love,
Debs

atc55 wrote: It seems that when I try to go 21 days on NOS all I want to do is eat.

Hello Atc55,

if the 21 day thing stresses you out, just stop counting _straight perfect days_. It can help some people to count those 21 days, it can also be a hindrance to other people. I don't think I've had a perfect 3-week stretch since I started No-S-Diet 6 months ago. I am absolutely sure I never had a perfect 4-week stretch in that time.

It doesn't matter all that much. You can fail some days. Just keep trying. Keep analyzing the circumstances that led to failure and try to work around those circumstances the next time. In some cases it is possible. In some cases it is difficult. No matter if you do the same mistake again and again, it is life's way of giving you the same lesson again and again until you master it.

Maybe you will master it quickly. Maybe you will never master it entirely. What matters is that you keep at it. Perfection eludes most of use. But we can work up to a good approximation of it.

So, you have not been able yet to reach 21 straight perfect days. No matter. It will happen when you least expect it. I suggest you take noSdiet one day a time, one week at a time, no more than that. One perfect week already is an achievement. One week with 4 good N days and one failure is still 80% good in my book. Several not-quite perfect weeks are a BIG achievement.
A completely failed week _is_ a setback; but after the weekend a new, blank week is coming up. Just take it one day at a time. Count the number of weeks you have been on No-S-Diet, even through the failures, not the number of perfect straight days you have had this time.

Relax and enjoy!

Rose.

I've never counted the 21 days and I won't use habit-cal. To me, that all makes it a "diet" instead of some habits to follow that will enable me to lose weight and eat in a healthier way.

I just try to get through every day without the s's -- unless it's an S day. I don't think too much about whether the day was a success or a failure (though I'm certainly aware of it) and aim to do my best each day.

Why do you fail? I think it might be helpful for you to actually put it into words.
Is it because you feel deprived? Is it because you really are hungry? Maybe you're afraid of being hungry. It sounds weird, but I think a lot of people are afraid of feeling that growly, rumbly stomach that tells them it's time to eat. Find what the reason is, and then seek a resolution.
The other thing to look at in the mean time is how severe your failures are. Was it a handful of nuts at 8:00 pm or was it a handful of nuts with 5 cups of butter pecan ice cream under them?
A failure is a failure, true, but if it is mild in size or nature, it would certainly be easier to overcome. Think about it and post your thoughts. There are a lot of people on this board who have dealt with or are dealing with the same problem, so ask for their input. The more vocal you are with this issue, the more help you'll get.

The 21 day thing works great for some people, but I'm afraid it can be very discouraging to others if they find they have trouble making it.

That's why I prefer the habitcal. It gives you a more flexible but also more accurate way of monitoring your progress. A failure shows up just as clearly, but it's put in the context of your successes. It doesn't completely mess you up, give you the feeling that you've broken your winning steak and have to start over from scratch. There's a "chromatic" reward for getting back up on your feet right away, right away the next day you can see green.

You could even break no into components if you want. Make snacks, sweets and seconds separate habits to monitor, so you can give yourself partial credit (and feel only partial discouragement that is less likely to push you over the edge when you fail). And/or proceed one S at a time as KCCC suggests.

If "emotional eating" after a failure is a big issue, and the relative lack of harshness of the habitcal vs. counting consecutive successes isn't sufficient to mitigate this, you could also make emotional eating a separate "habit" to track. That way you get "credit" for catching yourself. You could give yourself green on days you catch yourself, red on days you don't, yellow on days where it isn't an issue (because you succeeded with no S). "noemoeat" might be a good disarmingly cutesy and short tag for this.

All of these are practical "systematic" ideas for confronting this issue, but ultimately you're probably going to have to go deeper. Emotional eating isn't about being nice to yourself, comforting your self with food. It's about being profoundly mean to yourself, punishing yourself with food. It's like whipping yourself with a sugar coated scourge. The sugar coating, the fact that it seems superficially like "comfort," gets it past your "wow, that's self-destructive and messed up" radar. I think if you realize this, and don't let yourself be fooled by the apparent self-indulgence of it, it'll be easier to resist.

Best of luck, and don't be shy about asking for more help if you need it,

Reinhard

It's natural to crave forbidden fruit. If I am craving I try and think "Wow, I really crave chocolate/cheese/a glass of wine! This is an unpleasant feeling. The cure for this feeling is NOT to have chocolate/cheese/a glass of wine. Then next time, the craving will be less, and eventually it will die away."

LM

I agree particularly with the tip about finding what else is pleasurable for you and getting/doing/having more of that. Eating is so often a craving for pleasure or a way out of boredom or worry. Try to develop a replacement habit.

When I first started NoS a couple of years back, I would go on a long or fast walk every time I got hungry between meals. This was a terrific replacement activity, as it slashed my hunger, as well as burned up more calories! I got a big boost from feeling like I was "doubling" my success.

Also, I found that if I ate seven or eight fruits/vegs every day, it was darn near impossible to snack. There simply wasn't room after cramming so much produce in. This helped enormously. It was good that I started NoS in the summer when there was so much appealing produce at the farmer's market. corn, peaches, squash, zucchini, blueberries, ... again, I got a feeling of "doubling" my success because not only was I not eating as much in terms of calories, I was finally getting my recommended daily intake of fruits/vegs.

Good luck to you and remember we're pulling for you. YES it's tough but you can do it. And remember even if it's JUST ONE DAY, that's SUCCESS!

reinhard wrote:Emotional eating isn't about being nice to yourself, comforting your self with food. It's about being profoundly mean to yourself, punishing yourself with food. It's like whipping yourself with a sugar coated scourge. The sugar coating, the fact that it seems superficially like "comfort," gets it past your "wow, that's self-destructive and messed up" radar. I think if you realize this, and don't let yourself be fooled by the apparent self-indulgence of it, it'll be easier to resist.

This just deserved to be quoted. Eloquent insight.