when u can't say no

babyprrr · Post by **babyprrr** » Tue Apr 22, 2008 7:41 am

I know for most occasions, something like "I'm too full" or "I'll have it later" works..but what about when you just CAN'T say no? For example, I've been to two sit-down formal dinners in the past week and saying no to dessert would have offended the host, yet I didn't want to take an S day because it wasn't a close friend's birthday or anything like that. I'm trying to keep my S days to two maximum each month, and now I'm worried this is gonna make me go over, because I've got a friend's birthday coming up and now I might have to decline birthday cake when that comes..and I feel really bad about that because she is quite a close friend and all....

wosnes · Post by **wosnes** » Tue Apr 22, 2008 11:00 am

Take a few bites, say something like, "This is so good, but I just can't finish it," and put your fork down. If the hostess offers to send the remainder home with you, take it, and either save it for your S day or throw it away. Don't worry about it. And don't not have cake at your friend's birthday.

Life isn't perfect. Do your best and don't worry about (or most likely, obsess about it).

CatholicCajun · Post by **CatholicCajun** » Tue Apr 22, 2008 12:23 pm

I have a very dear friend who comes by my business when she is having a rough day, two of her daughters committed suicide 20 years apart, I welcome her company, the only "problem" is that every time she walks in the door, she is carrying a little white bag from the Peach Tree Bakery, I find I can put her off by either telling her I'll have it later and then give it to one of my co-workers to bring home to her husband (he is skinny and can afford to eat the goodies, my husband started this program with me yesterday). God BLess you.

rose · Post by **rose** » Tue Apr 22, 2008 12:27 pm

I agree.
Not every N day is perfect, not every week is perfect, not every month is perfect. As long as a majority of each is good, why worry?

Unless you anticipate that such an accumulation of forced S days will happen frequently in the future, you don't even need to devise a way to limit the S-ness of this one month. Just admit that it will be not be as perfect as other months and let it go.

(Now if you start having formal dinners every week, then obviously you need to devise a new "monthly S-ness limit" since the current one would be failed too often. For instance, eating only a few bites of dessert out of politeness as wosnes suggested, might qualify as a small s-day, for which you might have a separate monthly limit. Or, you could schedule N-saturdays around the NWS days. etc.)

BrightAngel · Post by **BrightAngel** » Tue Apr 22, 2008 12:29 pm

I agree with the No S author when he says that
we'd be surprised to learn how little anyone else thinks at about what we eat.
I've found that to be totally true.

In situations where someone might really notice...like a mother-in-law,
it is very easy to evade receiving negative vibes from others about not eating, through just a bit of pretense and a few compliments.

The REAL problem is that I am the one who wants to eat it.

wosnes · Post by **wosnes** » Wed Apr 23, 2008 2:16 pm

I also think that both in terms of No-S and just in general we worry about this too much. I have a "rule" about eating when I'm not in charge of what or how food is served: no more than one serving of what is served. So if things are served in separate courses or on separate plates, I don't have to worry about virtual plating or not eating something that is served. I don't have to eat all of what is served, but I can eat some of all of it. It just uncomplicates things.

Noturningback · Post by **Noturningback** » Wed Apr 23, 2008 2:49 pm

I agree with the few bites pack the rest.

Another option and I don't usually agree with lying but, you could claim allergies or medical condition where you can't have sweets. I guess it depends on how well you know them but, even a simple my doctor told me to cut back on sweet/sugar.

On a slightly different note -For those people who push food on us:

I think anyone who doesn't take no for an answer is trying to negotiate and they need to acccept the answer of NO out of respect. I understand that people, for the most part, don't push it a consciously disrespectful way. I just think those people should accept a "No, thank you."

Buffalo Gal · Post by **Buffalo Gal** » Wed Apr 23, 2008 3:04 pm

I have this problem with my son. He'll walk over to the Sweet Tooth and bring me back a hot fudge sunday (with whipped cream and nuts). The first time he did this I thanked him and ate it. Not anymore! He is 25 and will have to learn that I am not eating sweets M-F. Actually...I have never had anyone (especially someone close to me) get upset because I declined food. Thanks but no thanks usually does it.

Buffalo Gal

Nichole · Post by **Nichole** » Wed Apr 23, 2008 3:09 pm

Buffalo Gal wrote:I have this problem with my son. He'll walk over to the Sweet Tooth and bring me back a hot fudge sunday (with whipped cream and nuts). The first time he did this I thanked him and ate it. Not anymore! He is 25 and will have to learn that I am not eating sweets M-F. Actually...I have never had anyone (especially someone close to me) get upset because I declined food. Thanks but no thanks usually does it.

Buffalo Gal

Aw, he is expressing his love for you through food. So many of us do it... Just tell him he'll have to find something different to do. A big hug, perhaps? Gift you a sundae on.. Sunday?

blueskighs · Post by **blueskighs** » Wed Apr 23, 2008 4:04 pm

another good way to handle this is just, i'll get some later thank you ... i need to stop right now or i'll just burst ...

usually you and your host will forget that by later you didn't eat any ...

tricksy ... we must be very very tricksy with the food pushers ...

Blueskighs