A grim realization
Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 12:50 pm
I've been noSing for ten weeks now, seeing a lot of positive changes in my relationship with food, not too mention some weight loss. It's a great plan and I love its simplicity. I love the "you don't need to be perfect" aspect of it.
But this is what I realized this morning...
I am really stressed today, to the extend that my hands start shaking and I feel tearful (nothing bad has happened really, I'm just feeling very overwhelmed by some work related tasks, so worried I will do badly that I'm not even able to complete them).
I was getting ready to leave the house when I found a box of really nice chocolates I got as a present and decided to have one with a glass of milk. And it was the first time in my life when I noticed how much I switched off while eating. For the one minute I was eating it, I felt so much calmer, because I didn't think about all the stress. The moment I stopped and put an empty glass down, the panic came back and I was tempted to have another one. Not because it was nice - because I wanted to experience again that feeling of calmness. I think it is only because I'm having physical symptoms of the stress today - like the shaky hands, I noticed such a drastic transition - my hands started shaking again literally the moment I put the glass down.
I didn't have another chocolate, but what I realized is that yes, for those ten weeks I've been developing the skills to stop emotional eating. That (even if I still fail sometimes) I can control myself much better than ten weeks ago. But I haven't developed ways to deal with my problems. I have learnt that if I have a nap, go for a walk, watch some tv or read the discussion boards I can overcome the impulse to indulge. So yes - maybe I will lose weight in the long run and I will stop treating food as a magical drug to all my problems. Maybe I will be healthier and it is definitely a good thing. But I need to start facing my problems! And what I've been doing instead is to try to replace food with another activity that will help me to push my problems away.
I have been reading on procrastination resulting from a fear of failure and so much of it reminds me of the ideas behind noS:
"Procrastination is a well-learned habit; it happens without much awareness"
"If you have set very high or impossible goals--like a perfectionist, you are likely to feel overwhelmed."
"one can't always be perfect, so such a person will fail, leading to thinking things are awful"
"don't avoid work, DO IT NOW! (...) this kind of advice to a procrastinator will do little good (...) It is like a doctor telling an obese person to lose weight"
I think I'm posting it here, because I remembered someone saying that with noSing they stopped using food to solve the problems but started approaching the problems themselves. So maybe now that I can put in practice Noel's "if hunger is not a problem, food is not the answer", I need to get the courage to deal with life. Because putting the tasks off does not make it any better. Because not completing them will be so much worse than completing them imperfectly...
Well - sorry for the long rant... Especially that it is only mildly noS related...
But this is what I realized this morning...
I am really stressed today, to the extend that my hands start shaking and I feel tearful (nothing bad has happened really, I'm just feeling very overwhelmed by some work related tasks, so worried I will do badly that I'm not even able to complete them).
I was getting ready to leave the house when I found a box of really nice chocolates I got as a present and decided to have one with a glass of milk. And it was the first time in my life when I noticed how much I switched off while eating. For the one minute I was eating it, I felt so much calmer, because I didn't think about all the stress. The moment I stopped and put an empty glass down, the panic came back and I was tempted to have another one. Not because it was nice - because I wanted to experience again that feeling of calmness. I think it is only because I'm having physical symptoms of the stress today - like the shaky hands, I noticed such a drastic transition - my hands started shaking again literally the moment I put the glass down.
I didn't have another chocolate, but what I realized is that yes, for those ten weeks I've been developing the skills to stop emotional eating. That (even if I still fail sometimes) I can control myself much better than ten weeks ago. But I haven't developed ways to deal with my problems. I have learnt that if I have a nap, go for a walk, watch some tv or read the discussion boards I can overcome the impulse to indulge. So yes - maybe I will lose weight in the long run and I will stop treating food as a magical drug to all my problems. Maybe I will be healthier and it is definitely a good thing. But I need to start facing my problems! And what I've been doing instead is to try to replace food with another activity that will help me to push my problems away.
I have been reading on procrastination resulting from a fear of failure and so much of it reminds me of the ideas behind noS:
"Procrastination is a well-learned habit; it happens without much awareness"
"If you have set very high or impossible goals--like a perfectionist, you are likely to feel overwhelmed."
"one can't always be perfect, so such a person will fail, leading to thinking things are awful"
"don't avoid work, DO IT NOW! (...) this kind of advice to a procrastinator will do little good (...) It is like a doctor telling an obese person to lose weight"
I think I'm posting it here, because I remembered someone saying that with noSing they stopped using food to solve the problems but started approaching the problems themselves. So maybe now that I can put in practice Noel's "if hunger is not a problem, food is not the answer", I need to get the courage to deal with life. Because putting the tasks off does not make it any better. Because not completing them will be so much worse than completing them imperfectly...
Well - sorry for the long rant... Especially that it is only mildly noS related...