Everyday Systems

I have a dinner dilemma. On average six days out of seven, I cook together with my housemates because it is cheaper and more convenient to cook for four people than for one. It works very well apart from one thing. They eat MUCH bigger portions than I do. Normally quite a huge amount of food is cooked and this is automatically divided up into four plates.

I always find that I am stuffed to the point of feeling uncomfortable when I finish this big portion. However if it is not me cooking, I feel bad leaving food on the plate for two reasons: 1. it seems rude to the person cooking and 2. I just don't like wasting food.

I've tried to get around this by keeping the leftovers for the next day ( I always get weird looks when I do this too), and reheating them for breakfast. However I don't always fancy having savoury food for breakfast and I can't eat this at lunch either because I don't have a microwave available to me at lunchtime.

We've had this arrangement for two years and this big portion problem has always been nagging me. Sometimes I get so sick of the funny looks that I just finish my plate to keep everyone happy. And I can't even say that I'm watching my weight because I'm the slimmest person in the house. I find that when I cook for myself on the days we don't eat together, I am very good at working out a portion that will keep me content but not stuffed. But I don't really want to go back to cooking for myself because as I mentioned earlier, it is a lot more hassle and quite expensive.

Rather than refrigerating your leftovers, could you freeze them instead. I do that sometimes, then on the occasion that I need a lunch on a weekend or a day I happen not to be at work, I can heat it up at home and eat it then. Or perhaps if you have some sort of meat like pork chops or beef cutlets, etc., you could make it into a sandwich that you could eat cold.

At our house we routinely make too much meat for Sunday night dinner, then add it to a tossed salad with some nuts or croutons and we have what we call "big salad" for dinner the next day. Perhaps you could turn some of your leftovers into the base for a hearty salad--and that wouldn't require microwaving at all.

Another idea would be. . . a little sneaky I guess.. . . but could you offer to be the server and be sure to give a little larger servings to your roomies, leaving a smaller portion for yourself. It wouldn't go to waste actually--well, maybe to THEIR waists! Or just help your own plate first, taking a smaller portion then tell them the rest is all theirs. That still leaves you footing the bill for 25% of the food, but at least the food is getting eaten by someone!

I do commend you and your housemates on the wonderful habit of cooking dinner instead of relying on eating out on a regular basis. Many families don't even sit down to a homecooked meal anymore so you are cultivating some good habits and skills by doing that.

And I do understand about your being the smaller one of the lot; I remember back in the day when I was the Twiggy of all my friends; if I ever said anything about limiting portions, I got dirty looks. . .then the tables were turned after a few years (karma maybe?!) and I remember that little Ugh feeling when some skinny mini would mention being careful about what they ate or whatever and I would think--yeah, right, like you have to worry about that. . . when in fact, I knew they were already making good choices that I wish I'd kept up with myself!

So kudos to you for making your good choices and being thoughtful about what you're eating!

LA_Loser wrote:Rather than refrigerating your leftovers, could you freeze them instead.

I like that idea. It'll keep longer and then you have an instant, home-cooked meal on days when you Just Don't Feel Like Cooking.

Hi, I don't think there's any reason you should get any dirty looks for not wanting to over eat.
Just ask to serve yourself and don't worry about it.
Good luck
Debs

gratefuldeb67 wrote:Hi, I don't think there's any reason you should get any dirty looks for not wanting to over eat.
Just ask to serve yourself and don't worry about it.
Good luck
Debs

I agree -- either serve yourself first or ask them to serve you less.

You've identified two issues... one is "wasting food," and the other is the social aspect.

On wasting food... we are a tremendously wasteful society, and there are a lot of places where we could/should cut down. HOWEVER, treating ourselves as "human garbage cans" is not a solution. Better it goes to waste than to "waist." Let go of this one, if you can. (Though the "save for later" solution is a good one.)

On the social/portions issue, I see two routes. One is to look for "little ways around," like serving yourself first. The other is what I call the "lay it on the table" approach. In that, you'd simply say something like "you guys are awesome cooks, and I love eating together. However, I've been feeling a little stuffed with the portions when they're divided equally - I don't think I need quite as much to sustain me as other people. So I'm going to (take smaller portions / freeze some for a later day, whatever). I'm telling you this because I don't want you to think I don't like your cooking or anything along those lines. Please don't take me not finishing as a commentary on anything other than the fact that I just fill up fast!" (Trying to be VERY careful not to imply that they eat a lot, or that I'm watching my portions.)

I would personally go with option 2, and perhaps reinforce that "it's me, not you" with some sincere compliments on the cooking as I'm eating. But that's just my style - do what works best for you.

PS - Let me echo that you're all very smart to cook together instead of going the fast-food route!

babyprrr,

I think changes like this in "social situations" of long standing "habit" or tradition can be the most difficult.

I have a really thin friend who I learned a lot from just watching how she eats. What she eats and what she doesn't. The most interesting thing is this:

I don't think god could make her eat something she didn't want to eat.

The other thing is she is not really vocal about what she eats or what she doesn't eat.

You may just need to put your "thinking cap" on and figure out a clever way to "make the change". I didn't see in your post who does the serving ... is it the one who cooks?

It is almost probable if you eat noticeably less than your housemates they will comment. For one point, it might make them realize that perhaps THEIR portions are too large and rather than facing that, they may prefer to make you feel uncomfortable.

I would figure out a way to eat the right amount for you. I am not big into leftovers so I can see that might not work so well. The other thing is being willing to throw the excess food away OR creating a way to serve yourself the approrpriate portion. IT may take a while but if you are consistent and not too vocal it will settle over time.

But it is often hard to change our "eating habits" in situations like this. My thoughts are with you.

It is interesting though, my husband is "used to" me dieting and then "losing it" and going through "binge mode", he is actually having to adjust to the fact that I am not always eating huge plates of food and under the radar I think he is having to look at how much he eats. It is kind of an interesting see saw effect. But silent action and consistency always work wonders,

Best in this, it is somewhat of a challenge,

Blueskighs

babyprrr wrote:I can't even say that I'm watching my weight because I'm the slimmest person in the house.

Explain that you'd like it to stay that way (this is easier in the male world). A short while ago, I mentioned to someone that I had exercise to do. They replied that I didn't need it, being one of the slimmer folk in the pub that night, to which I explained that the reason for that was because I did regular exercise.

Were I you, I'd just consistently box and refrigerate/freeze the portion you don't eat. After a few weeks, your housemates will stop considering it odd (not that it's really any of their business). Habit works here, too.

As a fat person, I must say that I'm always inspired by seeing "naturally thin" people put less food on their plates. Makes me realize my own transgressions and over-eating. I'm forever grateful that my husband is such a person and I'm always a bit abashed to see his moderate portions. (If he ate a lot I'd eat even more, I'm afraid).

So I say, continue setting your good example and be proud of yourself. Not every one of your room mates will condemn you for it, and you might actually be teaching by your good example or inspiring someone to do better, like my dear husband has done for me for so many years.

I'd just propose that everyone serve themselves.

One awkward conversation up front perhaps, but it's really a very natural request (more natural than one size fits all, doled out by the central authority), and then everything is normal and happy forever.

If they challenge you, you don't have to say anything about diet. Just say what you wrote here: you don't actually want to eat that much and feel bad about the waste/potential offensiveness of not finishing your plate. I don't see how any reasonable person could object to that.

Reinhard