Everyday Systems

I'm still here. 2008 has been the year of denial and unusual stress.

I know I've mentioned that dh was going to be sent to Afghanistan. That keeps getting changed as to when and where. His leave dates have been pushed back, and his destination has been changed, so we sit here in MD in limbo, while the house we bought back home sits vacant because his orders are not finalized.
Stress stress stress. I just want to get this one year deployment out of the way, get in the house we bought that sits empty (meanwhile we sit 1500 miles away in a rental...!!) This all resulted in a mental breakdown this summer with a week solid of sobbing all day, my 2 kids wondering what the heck was wrong with their mommy, before I finally got some help and am doing much better.

This war is HELL, and I don't say that lightly! I cannot imagine the families that have been through 3, 4 deployments, those who've lost loved ones. Just complete insanity... and, for what? Really? Oy.

SO, I've turned back to food, ignored noS, while thinking about wishing I wasn't gaining weight AGAIN.


It's time for recommiting to myself. I can control myself, even if I can't control the scary world around me.

Just thought I'd check back in.
I'm admiring all the newcomers for their newfound strength through noS, something I'm hoping to find again. Next week I'll have done noS (more or less) for 2 years!

Great thoughts to all in their journies!

Ugh. That's hard. Good to hear you are taking care of yourself. I know it feels like you aren't making progress but the fact that you are even facing in this direction is huge. Hang in there.

Hi Shamrock!

What a hard time for you and your family. I'm glad you got some help.

Last year I had a breakdown too. Stress, anger, denial. Gained 10 lbs. in a month. I got some help, too, and it's been good. But slow.

But hard is hard. Stick with us. I've watched your ups and downs over the years and feel like I love you.

Best wishes,
Betty.

Tiffani,

You have some very compelling excuses. I certainly don't want to make light of them. And you shouldn't beat yourself up about having compliance difficulties.

But sometimes extraordinary efforts are the only kind that will do. And it sounds like you're in such a situation. The consolation of no-s, as you point out, is that it actually helps to give you a feeling of control when things are crazy all around you, that complying with no-s takes less mental bandwidth than the alternatives. It's great that you can see that. In practical terms, I'd suggest just keeping the focus on a very low bar minimum of compliance and giving yourself massive credit for being able to even do that. In situations like this, just slogging on, just holding the line, is heroic. If there are slip ups, don't let yourself get too down about them. Think immediately, "if I get right back on my feet THAT will be impressive."

Hope something here helps and best to you and your family,

Reinhard

I really feel for you. Stress makes me want to eat, too, and my stress sources have been nothing so bad or long-lasting as yours. Walking helps me, as does taking a hot bath, both of which might be difficult for a mother of two kids, unless you could take the kids on your walk. It doesn't take away the problem but it often helps me to whip it down to a manageable level. I know these sound like paltry solutions to major problems.

Our son-in-law spent a year in Afghanistan (he's in the navy), and doing almost nothing all day to boot, which just made it even more frustrating and insane. He came back in August and will not be redeployed, thank heavens. While he was there we could not allow ourselves to consider the possibility of his being hurt or not coming back at all.

I'm really glad you've got some help. Remember that you're beautiful and good and worthy of love even when you're ignoring No S/overeating/whatever. Peace.

Thanks so much Betty, Reinhard and Happy Cooker, it means so much to me!

I am hanging in there. A bit depressed because I've gained another 5 lbs. But I'm here, checking in.

I'll keep everyone updated. It looks like dh will be leaving springtime now, so we'll enjoy the time up till then.

Deep breaths....

Tiffani,

I don't think I've ever wanted to got through the computer to give someone a hug more than today. I can't imagine the emotional stress you are going through right now. I wouldn't have gained 5 pounds, I would have gained 50 pounds!

If I could I'd be on your doorstep with mugs and teabags. I do hope you have friends where you are who can come over & listen....what you're going through needs good friends & great tissues. Or better yet, good tissues & great friends.

Hang in there & know that we're all here to support & encourage you....

Hugs to you...janie

I'm so sorry that you've been having such a hard time.

It's good to see you back.

Thanks, so much everyone, it really means a lot to me!

The bad news is I gained 12 lbs until I got ahold of myself. THe good news is I've dropped 1 so far this week. Even with mostly red days (the odd snack in the afternoon.

Thanks again! Back on track!