Everyday Systems

I never thought I'd be writing this post. I've been with NoS for two years and throughout that period my weight has been up and down but mainly stable ( my BMI is around 20-21 so I'm quite 'slim' already). The main benefit I have gained from NoS is solving my issues with food.

But now I've decided I'm going to take a break from NoS.

I want to see how I can manage with no rules. Lately, I've been finding it hard to stick to NoS. Whenever I lose resolve and have a snack/cookie/seconds, I get these feelings of guilt and then binge-eat because I am a 'failure'. I want to stop feeling guilty about food and stop marking days as 'success' or 'failures'.

So I'm going to take a short break. I'm going to see how I manage with no rules whatsoever. The concept is quite scary and I am pretty sure I'll come back in a few weeks with my tail between my legs.

But for now... see you later!

Hmmmm ... Well yes binging is never a good behavior and it's bad that you're getting that side effect. I almost binged last night because I had a spoonful of ice cream. But I didn't count it as a failure because the rest of the day was so good. Have you tried thinking about it like that? Sometimes things aren't always so black and white (or should Isay red and green?) Just try to eat moderately - your BMI is awesome!! - and see what happens.

Binging is not good, and if you think that stopping No-S will help, then more power to you.

But in honesty, that's an approach that sounds a bit "all or nothing" (which of course, is the root of binging as well, isn't it?). Perhaps you might consider "what would intermediate strategies look like?" and see if something less drastic would work.

Some ideas...
- Adapting an idea from La_Loser, maybe a habitcal to track whether a red day was a minor thing or a binge?
- Using Kathleen's "stored" S-day approach, where she has the option of deciding to have something without it being a red (search for her description)
- Since you're very much in maintenance, changing your variant of No-S to include a certain number of "S-events" per week. You're not into failure unless you go over that amount.

I'm sure there are other ideas... you might look at the "mods" thread to see if there's something else that may work.

Whatever you decide, you know we wish you the best and that you'll always be welcome should you decide to return. (And you ABSOLUTELY should not feel like a failure!!)

Babyprrr,

Well, sorry no-s isn't wearing so well for you anymore, though it sounds like it was helpful for a while. If think you can manage without "food rules," fantastic.

But if it turns out that you don't manage so well, consider KCCC's excellent advice. Even if vanilla no-s doesn't quite work for you, the basic principle behind it, of "systematic moderation for sustainable good habits" still very well might. It might just be a question of getting the precise implementational details right.

In terms of the failure issue, it's tricky. On one level, you need clear boundaries or habit is never going to learn. On the other level you don't want to feel wracked with guilt or like you might as well go all the way and binge when you're little toe grazes over a boundary. There are a number of ways to deal with balancing these concerns, some of which KCCC mentioned already, but here are a few more:

1) Terminology. I find the terms "success" and "failure" helpful, but I understand that some people don't (at least just yet). Say (or see, on the habitcal!) "red" and "green" instead. Just as clear, minus the emotional baggage.

2) Provide an additional incentive to failures/reds small. A very simple way is just to resolve to qualify/confess/describe any failures/reds in the daily checkin here. Catch yourself immediately when you slip up and you can spin it almost as something positive, a heroic recovery. Let it turn into a total rout and you're going to have a long sad story to tell. I do this myself and find it very helpful. I haven't had any trouble with no-s really in years, but glass ceiling is occasionally still tricky for me, and a binge in that "medium" is far more dangerous than an eating binge. My resolution to fess up the details of all failures on my checkin has been very helpful in keeping those failures very small -- almost never more than 1 drink over the limit, a very few times two, and I don't think ever more than that. This may not sound like a big deal to some of you here, but I used to drink A LOT.

Reinhard

Why not continue, but look at No-S as a habitual way of dealing with food rather than "rules"? Let me explain...

When you get up in the morning you probably do certain things in a certain order. It's your habit, your routine. You might break the habit on days you don't work or holidays, but otherwise it's always the same. Look at No-S in the same way. It's not rules about eating, just how you deal with meals on a normal day.

Are you keeping track of successes/failures? If so, stopping might be a good idea. Or, if you must, just track whether or not you had a snack, seconds, or sweets without the stigma of "success" or "failure."

Thanks for all the feedback guys. This is my first weekend since my 'break' from NoS. It was a bit scary waking up and thinking ' I can't binge eat or eat really unhealthily just because it's the weekend'. It's no longer an S day, just a normal day for me.

I've been doing well so far. Baked a cinnamon Nutella cake which just went into the oven!

I'll let you know how things go.

I say do whatever makes you happy. That's what matters in the end ! Besides you're not really overweight, you can take it easy and rejoice instead of feeling guilty.

Marc

Just an update..so far it's been going well. I don't think I've lost any weight ( unsurprisingly) but it's just nice eating without guilt.

I find I'm eating smaller portions, healthier foods naturally and not stressing up about things. I'm listening to my body more and stopping when I'm full. But I realized the best part... I am HAPPY after eating something, not guilty. For the past few years, even if I screwed up and had one small biscuit, I'd feel guilty and then descend onto a full blown binge. Nearly every rule I broke was followed by guilt. Now I don't feel guilty about eating and as a result I'm eating less.

The weight is stable at the moment. I expect I'll come back to NoS when things start going wrong lol.

Hope no rules works for you! One thing I wonder though are there new stressors that might be on which would cause you to make this decision at this time?

babyprrr wrote:Just an update..so far it's been going well. I don't think I've lost any weight ( unsurprisingly) but it's just nice eating without guilt.

I find I'm eating smaller portions, healthier foods naturally and not stressing up about things. I'm listening to my body more and stopping when I'm full. But I realized the best part... I am HAPPY after eating something, not guilty. For the past few years, even if I screwed up and had one small biscuit, I'd feel guilty and then descend onto a full blown binge. Nearly every rule I broke was followed by guilt. Now I don't feel guilty about eating and as a result I'm eating less.

The weight is stable at the moment. I expect I'll come back to NoS when things start going wrong lol.

Don't anticipate things to go wrong! Stay positive and you'll more likely to be successful, really!! Glad to see that you're feeling happy

Ended up binging yesterday..not even sure what went wrong. I went into town to do some shopping for a friend's birthday present and had a cappuccinno to reward myself afterwards. This was when I started wandering whether I would treat myself to a cake as well..did I want a cake? yes...was I hungry enough for one? not really.

So in short, I didn't have the cake, but left the cafe with a strong craving for it. When I got home, I had a piece of chocolate to satisfy my sweet craving which was fine. Then for some unknown reason I decided a nice little bowl of cereal would be good to snack on while revising ( got exams next week!). This turned into two bowls of cereal..a bag of hazelnuts..some more chocolate...ugh.

I've told myself NOT to feel guilty about eating but there are times when I can't help the guilt. And it's the guilt that leads to the binging which really is counterproductive. Oh and I forgot to add..I tried on some shorts yesterday and they'd definitely gotten tighter. I don't know if it was due to bloating cuz it's time of the month or I've just gained like five pounds over the last week. I felt soo fat yesterday

I don't know what my new strategy is. I might try having the option of one S a day..so that I have some wiggle room...I don't know?

KCCC wrote: - Since you're very much in maintenance, changing your variant of No-S to include a certain number of "S-events" per week. You're not into failure unless you go over that amount.

I'm sure there are other ideas... you might look at the "mods" thread to see if there's something else that may work.

Whatever you decide, you know we wish you the best and that you'll always be welcome should you decide to return. (And you ABSOLUTELY should not feel like a failure!!)

I think I'm going to try this out. I'm giving myself 7 S-events a week..one for each day, the week starting on Monday. I feel a bit better now that I've chosen a 'strategy'!