Everyday Systems

Yesterday, I had a great big RED day, the first in a while. I ate four slices of pumpkin bread (which is really much more like cake than bread) after supper. After the first slice, I was in full "I've blown it anyway" mode and was packing it in. (Like saying "Hey, I just put a tiny dent in the car - think I'll run it into a tree and completely total it! I mean, it's bent anyway...")

Yes, I had "reasons." They don't really matter. Eating did not at all address the actual issues I needed to address. It was just a bad choice.

I felt awful when I went to bed, and woke up with heartburn. Heartburn! I never used to get heartburn! Nasty stuff. I spent most of the night not-really-sleeping on a stack of pillows.

This morning, I still felt yucky. Even thought about skipping breakfast, but knew that would undermine habit in the long run. So I had a tiny cup of yogurt and told myself firmly "this is your meal." Yogurt was actually a good choice. Lunch was salad with tofu, also a good choice. After those two light meals, I'm only just starting to feel normal.

In my recent history, this is a pretty major binge. I do pretty well on No-S, and don't have a lot of red days. But in long-term history... I blush to say I've done much, much worse. So I'm a little surprised that I felt SO miserable.

My only explanation is that my body has gotten USED to reasonable portions and decent food over the last few years on No-S, and is letting me know in no uncertain terms that it doesn't like being maltreated. I wonder if I was so out-of-touch with my own needs that I just missed those signals in the past, or if my body was so out of whack because of the lousy eating I did that it couldn't even protest?

At any rate, I have no desire to do this again any time soon, if ever. I feel that I owe myself an apology for doing this to myself!

Now, KCCC, I believe someone around here needs to say, "be gentle with yourself."

And I think that your telling the world (or at least "our world") about it will be an affirming message to others that no matter how long one has been keeping strong habits and following what we know works, that there are times that life just jumps up and bites us.

Knowing you as I feel that I do, having gotten to "know you" these last few months, I'm confident you're going to be fine and your habit history will reel you back in. Maybe it's not so bad every once in a while to be reminded of our old behaviors and why we're so grateful to have left those (at least for the most part!) behind.

So girlfriend, MARK IT AND MOVE ON! (Vicki-bet you had no idea how often we'd quote you!).

Take care,

LA_Loser wrote: So girlfriend, MARK IT AND MOVE ON! (Vicki-bet you had no idea how often we'd quote you!).

I'm honored! Actually, all the credit should go to you, since you created the sticky for all these mottoes, sayings, and inspirations!

How cool is this that we all feel so connected by this "force" that Rein has created!

KCCC--love the car analogy. I'm writing that one down.

KCCC wrote:I wonder if I was so out-of-touch with my own needs that I just missed those signals in the past, or if my body was so out of whack because of the lousy eating I did that it couldn't even protest?

I used to wonder about this too; my conclusion is that I eventually started thinking that feeling over-stuffed, bloated, with heartburn and tachicardia and a sour stomach and heavy and grumpy after meals was normal, and later on, I realize that it was normal, after all, I myself was causing all these signs to happen.
My body was desperately crying out to me to stop stuffing it already and I was just ignoring it, oi!.

I'm sorry that you have felt so lousy, but, hey!, now you know not to do that any longer...

Vigilant2010 wrote:KCCC--love the car analogy. I'm writing that one down.

It's not original to me - been used here before, though I'm not sure by whom. It SO described the pattern I fell into!

LA_Loser, I feel like I've experienced the equivalent of a hangover, only with food. (I'll never touch the stuff... oh, wait. I mean, I have no desire to be excessive again.) So, yeah, I'm right back on habit today, and grateful to be able to pick myself back up so fast. And...sigh...I'm just dealing with the non-food-junk that I need to deal with, after having reminded myself that the application of food will not make it go away.

Vickie, your quote remains one of my very favorites ever.

just do the next right thing

thank you for being generous enough to post your struggle

it helps me to know that even long timers are not perfect

thank you !

Donna O

Oh, Donna, if you expect perfection of us long-timers you'll be sorely disappointed!

I think the difference for long-timers is...
a) Failures happen less often, because we've developed strategies around what used to trigger us.
b) We "fail faster" - usually stop after denting the car and don't total it.
c) When we REALLY "total the car," we don't spend a lot of time in guilt mode. We roll our eyes instead of beating ourselves up. Consumes much less energy.

And then we just get back to normal behavior asap. Because on No-S, it DOES become "normal" over time.

I'm happy to report that yesterday was a nice solid green, and my body has forgiven me after its lecture on "don't do that again, okay?"