Everyday Systems

I was wondering how many of the people on the board who are married or with partners are doing no s with their spouse? My hubby, to be honest, has gained a bunch of weight in the past few years, but he has no desire to diet.

I find that this makes it harder for me to be strict, since he's not. Does anyone have any words of wisdom for people in this situation?

Thanks,
Betty

Hi Betty, I've been married 22 years. In my experience, I cannot 'make' my wife do anything like dieting, it wouldn't be in my best health interests...

As much as we may love our better halves, I don't think it's wise to push them towards something as personal as weight loss. I think it's a case of: everything has it's time. And when the time is right for that person, then they will have a much better chance of success.

Even though it's harder for you to diet when your spouse isn't, I think all you can do is accept it as yet another dieting challenge. Like passing by the cookie store in the mall. For me, the No S diet seems so natural, that I am not tempted when my wife has a sweet treat between meals. I know that what I'm doing with No S is right for me. I'm proud of my strict adherence to the rules, and of course, I really enjoy the S's on the S-Days all that much more.

Finally, when you start showing some success, I think that can have a powerful effect on what our spouses do.

My husband doesn't have a weight problem, but that doesn't make him unsympathetic to mine, fortunately for me. He has always been very supportive of my weight loss efforts. He thinks NoS is the sanest approach to dieting I've ever taken! Lately, he goes in another room if he snacks in the evenings because he knows that is my problem time.

Mimi

My husband doesn't have a weight problem either. As a matter of fact, in an ironic twist, he is recovering from serious surgery and is required to add three Ensure plus (350 calories each) but one with ice cream a DAY to his diet to build up his weight and protein - something about his prealbumin levels being critically low.

I have never had a noticeable weight problem - just the same ten/fifteen/twenty pounds that come and go - so he doesn't comment on anything I do. He thinks I exercise too much, he is wrong - but other than that he doesn't care.

I think he is proud that I am aware of health/exercise issues and that I like to look good. I have been at places with his ex wife, funerals, etc. and she is very heavy but he has never once made a negative comment about her weight. She is a very attractive woman.

We have only been married four years, I am sixty, he is sixty five - so our eating patterns are pretty much set. Yesterday I made him bacon and pancakes - I ate yogurt and flax seed

My hubbs isn't watching his weight, but it doesn't affect me much. Sometimes it's hard when he's eating ice cream and I'm not, but usually he eats it in the office while I'm watching TV in the living room. I think he may be getting interested in dropping lbs, though, b/c he requested pudding cups, NOT ice cream last night before I went food shopping. Big difference in calories there. I never really tried to convince him to try No-S, but I did tell him that I thought it would be good for him. I think if people want to change, they have to come to that conclusion themselves.

Well, my wife doesn't no-s either (nor does she need to, she's one of those rare instinctively moderate people).

I think, realistically, it's only a minority of people who are going to get their spouses to go along with them -- at least initially.

But just think how much harder it would be if you were doing some other kind of diet -- low carb or whatever and had to cook totally separate meals.

Compared to that, solo no-s is easy. You can both eat basically the same thing -- he'll just help himself to more.

And you may convince him eventually -- if he sees it's working well for you, and that you're happy with it. But trying to argue him into it, especially before that point (but even after), is probably going to be counterproductive.

Reinhard

As I wrote on a similar thread, the only person you can control is yourself - and that's on a good day.

However, depending on your relationship with your hubby, you can make specific requests for support ("Please don't offer me sweets on weekdays.") Or you can simply make quiet changes - small things like storing snacks out of sight can make a big difference in terms of creating an "No-S friendly environment."

Beyond that, just focus on what you're doing. If some "spills over," be glad, but try not to push.

KCCC wrote:As I wrote on a similar thread, the only person you can control is yourself - and that's on a good day.

I love this!

DH doesn't need a diet, he's lean and muscular and has always been a good judge of portions. Although he has gained the no seconds rule and saves sweets for really decadent sweets.

Right now with him in Bahrain and not much else to do besides standing watch, he works out quite a bit and is following along the lines of the Zone diet. He talks about 4 blocks of this 3 blocks of that and you have to measure blah blah. It's about that time that my eyes glaze over and my brain shuts down LOL because that just seems like a lot of work to me. Overall the concept is good portion of meat, tons of veggies and some fruit.

But at the moment, I just go meal by meal, stick to one plate and try to keep my portions down. And DH is, fortunately, very supportive.

My husband's naturally skinny -- if anything he has to be concerned about not dropping in weight. I think it's part heredity/metabolism, and part that he is, as someone said upthread, naturally moderate. He doesn't generally overeat, and he rarely snacks.

It hasn't been a problem -- we all eat the same dinner, and then he and the kid might have ice-cream or whatever afterward and he likes to eat a bowl of cereal at night, but I don't have to.

Thalia wrote:My husband's naturally skinny -- if anything he has to be concerned about not dropping in weight. I think it's part heredity/metabolism, and part that he is, as someone said upthread, naturally moderate. He doesn't generally overeat, and he rarely snacks.

It hasn't been a problem -- we all eat the same dinner, and then he and the kid might have ice-cream or whatever afterward and he likes to eat a bowl of cereal at night, but I don't have to.

I could have written the very same thing about my ex-husband. While I've noticed he's gained a little weight in the last few years, he's still probably technically underweight. He generally eats moderately, would sometimes take seconds, generally doesn't care for sweets or snack foods. He did sometimes eat ice cream or popcorn in the evening. Oh, and he always ate what he was served. Always! If he didn't like something, the worst thing he would say was "You don't need to make that often."

It seems so easy to be taken wrong when writing on the boards:my main concern is not with my husband doing or not doing No S, but with my own "go with the flow" tendencies. That is, when he snacks,boy do I want to snack too!

I'm totally fine with my husband's weight-- that's his concern. But I do find it hard to stick to the No Snacking rule around him...

Betty wrote:It seems so easy to be taken wrong when writing on the boards:my main concern is not with my husband doing or not doing No S, but with my own "go with the flow" tendencies. That is, when he snacks,boy do I want to snack too!

I'm totally fine with my husband's weight-- that's his concern. But I do find it hard to stick to the No Snacking rule around him...

Lol! Yes, we did go off on a different direction, didn't we?

Some ideas for your real question...

Can you ask for his support? Perhaps being careful not to offer (but not becoming your monitor, either!), or snacking in a different room, or staying away from your faves for a bit?

Can you find other things to distract you when you're together and you're trying not to snack? Knitting allows me to talk/socialize, but uses my hands so that eating is out of the question. Are there other changes you can make in your environment that will make it less snack-focused?

Can you substitute a drink - hot tea, a glass of wine, milk - so that you can be companionable but not snack?

These are more questions than specific suggestions, but I hope one of them sparks an idea that will work for your situation. Good luck!

I think it's totally reasonable to ask a spouse "Hey baby, I'm trying to accomplish something, and it would be easier for me, at least right now, if you didn't eat such-and-such right in front of me -- would you mind taking your ice-cream in the other room, or buying a flavor I don't like?"

I no longer bake during the week like I used to so those homemade goodies are not calling my name. My family (husband and three sons still at home) have grudgingly accepted this altho' none are overweight. I still supply them with ice cream but I won't buy my favorite because it would disappear before the weekend. Sometimes I buy a pint of ice cream that I enjoy and hide it away for the weekends. Happily, habit is taking hold so I can be around my family while eating. It was hard at first and I would go into another room and busy myself.

Another goody they enjoy is cookies. Again, I just don't buy the most temping to me. They serve themselves and if my small grandchildren are visiting, I get my husband and sons to serve them the goodies so I don't make it into the Martyrs' Hall of Fame.

I do my baking on the weekend where I can indulge and freeze extra for the following weekend.

When my skinny hublet decides to have a sweet in the evenings, I just make sure I grab the laptop and start reading No S posts! It's a great deterrent!

Hubby needs to lose a few which I worry about because of his health but I don't nag him about it. Like someone said, a person has to be ready and "own" it. But I love that No S means we can eat the same things. We were both sorta doing a moderate low carb about a year ago but that's not easy. I love carbs! heh.

mimi wrote:My husband doesn't have a weight problem, but that doesn't make him unsympathetic to mine, fortunately for me. He has always been very supportive of my weight loss efforts. He thinks NoS is the sanest approach to dieting I've ever taken! Lately, he goes in another room if he snacks in the evenings because he knows that is my problem time.

Mimi

That is one of the sweetest things I've ever heard in relation to dieting.

My other half is an instinctive non snacker, so that particular S is not an issue. Plus he only eats what he can find in the house while I'm at work and what I cook for dinners, so this automatically excludes sweets from his diet (as I never buy them!). With the exception of honey, he is German and grew up eating lots of honey, bread and cheese, so we always have copious amounts of these in the house (if anyone needs 1,000 empty honey jars, let me know )

One thing I've tried to do is get him stop filling up on bread and eat more other stuff - I've taken to storing bread in the freezer and only taking out the amounts we plan to eat for a day. This stops him eating an entire loaf of bread with a meal

He only eats twice a day though so I think he can have a little leeway on the whole seconds thing (I just have to make sure I'm not tempted to join him!)

He thinks I eat too often (4 x per day) I think he should eat breakfast, it's an ongoing debate in our house

bonnieUK wrote: He only eats twice a day though so I think he can have a little leeway on the whole seconds thing (I just have to make sure I'm not tempted to join him!)

He thinks I eat too often (4 x per day) I think he should eat breakfast, it's an ongoing debate in our house

My hubby only eats two meals a day, also, and doesn't eat breakfast either except on the weekends. So on the weekends when he does eat breakfast, he still only eats two meals. He skips lunch. says he's not hungry for it. I can't get him to eat three meals a day but he'll snack only if he gets hungry. I don't mention it anymore, his way of eating just works for him.