Newbie w/ eating disorder

[mariposa30]

Hi all,
I am bulimic. My physician, my dentist, and my therapist are all aware. I know that for people with eating disorders, dieting isn't ideal. However, I really believe that the No S Diet saved my life. It sounds dramatic, I know. For the first time in over two years, I can honestly say that I am no longer controlled by food but I am in control of what I out into my mouth.

I will probably struggle with the feeling of "needing" to binge and purge for the rest of my life. But now I have a solid framework for dealing with it. It's one thing to "talk" about it, but it's a completely different thing to "do something" about it. I've been talking about bulimia for over a year now- with my doctor and therapist. This is first time I've actually taken action.

It's extremely difficult for me, even on a message board, to publicly "come out" as bulimic. It all started when I was 27, right after the birth of my 4th child. I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum (excessive nausea & vomiting during pregnancy). I lost over 40 lbs during the pregnancy (baby was fine). I was the thinnest I had been since starting to have children. Post babies- that's when weight became a "problem" for me, before then I ate whatever I wanted, had little exercise and I was between a size 10 & 12.

So, losing all this weight while pregnant was mind-blowing to me. Family and friends raved and gushed about how great I looked and how small I was getting. In my head, it was the vomiting that made it all possible so I decided to make that my "diet". I knew it was terrible and could eventually lead to serious health issues or even death, but I was hooked. I gained back over 20 pounds, but managed to keep the other 20 off. It's been a nightmare!

Then I found No S- I've been doing it for only just over a week, but I have not felt the need to binge or purge once. I know what I'm eating now- without having to write anything down because it's only three set meals per day. I don't have to worry about if I ate one too many cookies or pieces of cake, because I just don't. On my S days- I had one cookie on Sat and on Sun I had a cupcake. Otherwise, I still only ate three regular meals- just because it's easier to manage.

I know I'm not "cured". I know I have to keep my doc and therapist in the loop, here. I'm just saying that I've not felt this comfortable with food in a long time. I'm not going to weigh myself at all for a while. Maybe not even for a few months. I may creep up in pounds, I know that. So, it's just better that I learn the habits and actually enjoy food again. I've always been a fairly sensible eater (lean meats, veggies, whole grains), I just ate way too much of it all in addition to tons of sweets. I have a monstrous sweet tooth and it's way past time to tame this beast!

Sorry, I rambled. I just wanted to introduce myself and let everyone know I'm here

[reinhard]

Welcome, Mariposa!

Thank you for boldly sharing your story with us here!

I'm very happy to hear about your successful start, and I hope No S continues to work well for you.

It's always made a lot of sense to me that No-s could work "both ways:" to ensure a healthy maximum and a healthy minimum of food, but of course, I'm a librarian/computer programmer, not a doctor or dietician, so please do keep your doctor very much in the loop (sounds like you are, but a reminder can't hurt, right?).

Wishing you all the best and looking forward to hearing more,

Reinhard

[harmony]

Thank you for your story

[kccc]

Welcome! I hope you retain that sense of balance.

I didn't binge/purge, but maintained my weight through "an armed truce" with food for years. Some really unhealthy thinking caught up in that. With No-S, I have a great sense of peace and actually ENJOY my food in a way I didn't allow myself to before. So, your wonderful story resonates with me (though I don't claim to fully understand your experience).

Keeping your doctors in the loop is VERY wise - glad you're doing that, and glad to have you here.

Best wishes!

[Blithe Morning]

Wow. That took a lot of courage. Thank you for sharing and I wish you the best as you continue on this journey.

[mariposa30]

Thanks for the welcome, guys! I am very excited about this journey. I'm not much of a "talker", so I may not post very often but I read the boards daily. Just "being" here is so helpful. Everyone's successes and struggles really provide great insights.

[gratefuldeb67]

Glad you found NoS!!!!
Best of luck to you!!
Debs

[BrightAngel]

No S is very similiar to the Intuitive Eating concept, which most eating disorder specialists recommend for eating disorders.

The main difference is a bit of structure.
A few foods (sweets) are restricted 5 days a week, and one eats 1 plate of food 3 times a day (or a specific number of meals) instead of continually analyzing oneself and wondering whether one's hunger is physical or emotional.

[Gia]

A wonderful post. Thank you for sharing! Please do update us on your progress!!

[oliviamanda]

Thank you for sharing this. My mom was anorexic, 2 of my sisters were bulimic. I somehow was able to escape the eating disorders. I also was boney thin as a teen and my mom was worried about me. I was so thin as a child and teenager that people told me that I'd always be thin and would never have to worry about weight.

Well, my body changed around 22 and I feel, especially after baby, that I need to lose. I will never be that skinny again, and I am okay with that. But I would like to get back to my pre-baby weight and No S is helping.

Good luck. I think you are on the right track. We are all here to support you.

[howfunisthat]

Mariposa30,

I just found this thread & I hope you're doing well. I'm sure that first post was not easy for you...but sharing it with us encourages us all. Everyone needs a reminder from time to time of what a wonderful & unique plan this is. It's not just a way to eat, but a way to heal.

I do hope you'll come here often & find it a place of comfort. Most of us are here for one common goal...to have a healthy relationship with food. It certainly sounds as if that's your goal, as well. We can get there...we really can.

Looking forward to seeing you here on the boards...

janie

[studio2054]

I'm a bulimic male (and 37), and for the first time in my life I feel I have control of my eating habits. After two weeks on the diet.

I find it bizarre that such a simple plan should have a dramatic effect: I'm in psychoanalysis and training to be a psychoanalyst as well, and I'm attuned to dealing with the underlying emotional problems.

But I think the effectiveness of the No-S diet for eating disorders comes down to this: my problem was not with constant hunger during the day but being able to stop once I had started eating. I had this terrible feeling that I wouldn't get enough -- I didn't know when to stop because I eat quickly enough to not feel full until it's too late. But also, I saw food as the devil -- I wanted to get it over with, my enjoyment of it was taboo in a sense and there was an underlying distress involved in eating, and I didn't allow myself to have a fantasy concerning the next meal.

With the one plate rule I have a very good sense of what's going to fill me up, and I don't panic. I also know that there is a next meal; that it will be enough, that it will be enjoyable and satisfying. And that fantasy of being satisfied -- in the time between meals -- is critical to avoiding overeating and bulimic behaviors, in which there is a failure to fully form the sense that a feeling of emptiness (whether it comes to food or something else) won't last forever.

So I feel profoundly grateful to the No S. diet for the strangely simple idea that enjoying eating as much as possible -- within the boundaries of some minor restrictions -- is more effective for developing the right eating habits (and losing weight) than self-deprivation.

(This is the first time I've posted to any forum about my bulimia).

[buttercreampillow]

Welcome, Studio!

I'm glad you found No S, and so glad that it gives you peace of mind. If your experience is like mine, you'll find that peace growing with every week you spend on No S.

Make yourself at home here. We're glad to have you!

[mimi]

(This is the first time I've posted to any forum about my bulimia).

I'm sure it took a great deal of courage to do this, and I commend you for it. I'm so glad that you are experiencing the peace with food and eating that NoS brings, as many of us here have as well. This simple eating plan offers so much more that just a way to drop unwanted pounds, and for me, that is so much more important.

A huge, warm, welcome to you studio2054! Keep us updated on your progress - we care!

Mimi

[Starla]

Thank you for that post, studio. That was very brave, and you'll never know how many people you helped. I don't have an eating disorder, but I know exactly what you mean about "wanting to get it over with" and the mindless eating without pleasure that accompanies that feelng.

I've been doing No-S since Labor Day, and that peaceful feeling about what I'm going to eat has been a huge and wonderful surprise to me. I hope we both continue to experience it.

[studio2054]

Thanks very much everyone -- I appreciate the support!

[ktharmoney]

I think the No S diet lends itself well to diet issues in people w/ eating disorders. I have struggled with eating disorders my entire life; as such, any diet that involves actually COUNTING anything (calories, points, etc) is not helpful for me. Using the No S diet allows me to eat well, three times a day, without counting any calories or points.

[hilly6000]

I understand how you must feel. I starved off 90 pounds a few years back, gained it all back plus more, and created a new diet plan and broke it off everyday for years until I gave up. I let myself do whatever with food for awhile, but always in the back of my head I knew that I would do something about it "one day". Today's that day... and I already feel a weight off my shoulders. Big or small, I'm going to make this my way of life, as I agree with it... and I'm just tired of worrying and obsessing with food.

At some point, you just have to accept yourself, so you have the patience to make your desired changes. It took me years to just accept myself. It's hard... but once you do, you can be happy... then enjoy life again, and have a healthy, mentally sound mind and brain.

Good luck and trust in what you're doing. I hope this helps you.

The main thing I learned is that even if you get to your goal weight, if you did it the wrong and hurtful way, there is a huge chance that all that weight will be gained back... we're only human... along with a slew of other health issues. So if you can do it the right way and be happy about it and be patient, then you don't have to deal with it again. AND your body will thank you for it. And look better than ever!

-=hugs=- Don't be a stranger!

[Kathleen]

You might want to consider reading the book Intuitive Eating which talks about how eating disorders originate from the body's survival mechanism to compensate for starvation dieting. The authors of Intuitive Eating recommend unrestricted eating and eventually your body learns there is no more starvation problem and learns to eat normally. I did try that approach -- my kids called it The Peanut Cluster Diet -- and I gained 10 pounds in six months. When I learned about The No S Diet, I realized it was the way to solve the problem of binge eating, which is also considered an eating disorder at least by some. I think the Intuitive Eating book does a superb job of describing how people get into having such terrible problems with eating, but I prefer the actual mechanics of the No S Diet since I've lost weight by following it rather than gained weight as I did with Intuitive Eating.
Kathleen

[MerryKat]

Mariposa & Studio - thank you so much for sharing your stories and I just want to wish you both all the best as you start a new phase of your lives without being ruled by food.

Hugs

[~reneew]

Welcome! I hope you're still with us... No S really teaches you how to eat "normally". Thanks for the post, I'm sure it will help us!