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MOG: What as happened to this forum?
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 3:00 am
by winnie96
This forum, for me, has been, for the last year, a soft place to land. (Thanks Bright Angel, et al).
Now, however, I'm thinking that the forum, and my participation therein, is actually counter productive vis-a-vis my weight/fitness goals.
If I want to beat myself up about not having the chops to eat the way you people think I should, well you know what -- I'm going to go with what works for me.
Over the past year, I have found the forum posts to become increasingly more judgmental, e.g.:
"Let's trash everyone who isn't living up to my idea of serious dieting" (KCCC: what were you thinking?)
Bushranger's mega-followups on how anyone who has issue with weight needs to confront the fact that they are really stupid.
And most recently, Marc gets to attack Deb's posting her idea about 2 t as a jackass way to implement his "perfect" version of No-S.
I suppose I should have replied to any of these posts, but 'm not going to play that game.
No-S is a good idea, if it works for you, keep implementing ... but you can probably do something better with your time than following these boards (as currenty constituted).
I say this with great sorrow, and I know I'm going to get flamed ...will not be checking in, so have at it ... maybe I was too gentle a soul to try these boards for myself.
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 3:27 am
by Kathleen
I was told that my tone was very harsh in one of my comments, and I had not intended to come off that way. Going back and reading what I wrote, I certainly appreciate why the recipient was offended by what I wrote.
Weight loss is a very emotional issue, and sometimes the emotions can just come out. I appreciate the feedback I get on these boards, including the feedback I got that my response was inappropriate. After so many years of failure failure failure, it's nice to have some encouragement. I've been able to gain some perspective.
Kathleen
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 4:31 am
by reitschule
Hello Winnie:
I posted my thoughts re: the overall tone of the forum in
here; this thread seems like a more appropriate place for a general discussion of this issue. I disagree that a bulletin board for a weight loss community should be primarily a "soft place to land".
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:31 am
by Nichole
I suppose I should have replied to any of these posts, but 'm not going to play that game.
Same here, my friend. You can drop down my check in anytime! (Even though I'm not doing strict no-s since I eat snacks, lol)...
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:08 pm
by BrightAngel
Please, please let's be careful not to insult one another.
There's no reason we can't be civil when we disagree.
This board has a pretty great track record in this regard
and honestly I'd rather just take the board down than see that change.
I do have strong feelings about keeping things civil on this board.
So please, please, think twice before posting something aggressive.
And think twice more before taking offense.
That's almost guaranteed to just escalate things further.
If you're burning with indignation and want to get it out somehow,
feel free to private message or email me.
Thanks in advance for your tolerance and understanding,
Reinhard
I've copied and pasted this quote from our NoS forum moderator and No S creator.
I think he makes his position clear.
I have also been distressed to see a few recent posters here on the forum
making comments with a judgmental, intolerant, and insulting tone,
which is a very different than the tone of the No S forum majority.
Intolerance seems to breed more intolerance.
I don't intend to leave the No S forum, 
there are too many people here that I care about.
My future plan is to work to keep from posting a response to those type of negative comments,
and if I see something really offensive,
to e-mail Reinhard, asking him to respond or remove the post.
I hope that the rest of you who are distressed or offended by this
simply decide to respond in a similiar manner.
Remember, if we don't respond to a negative post,
it will just fall to the bottom of the listings and soon disappear from view.
Let's just work to avoid them and let them die.
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:21 pm
by Kodama
What do we do when we have a No S Diet FAILURE day?
We "Mark it and move on."
Try not to let any post bother you too much. I know it's hard. I believe the overall balance of posts are quite nice and helpful.
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:39 pm
by Nichole
I agree with you, BrightAngel.
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 1:55 pm
by reinhard
Winnie,
I agree with you about the change of tone and it makes me as sad as anyone.
I hope you'll bear with the board a little longer, because I have some ideas on how to address this problem and take us back to the good old days when nary an unkind word was said.
1) I'm going to post a "sticky thread" on bulletin board etiquette.
2) Much as I HATE the idea of doing this, I'm going to freeze the accounts of people who repeatedly choose not to comply.
Please note that this isn't to discourage differences of opinion -- those are fine, they're great, actually. This board would be dull as earth without them. But there is no reason not to frame these differences in a polite and respectful way.
Today is a bit of a crazy day at work, but I'll post the "etiquette" sticky post as soon as possible.
Reinhard
Re: MOG: What as happened to this forum?
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 3:01 pm
by kccc
winnie96 wrote:
"Let's trash everyone who isn't living up to my idea of serious dieting" (KCCC: what were you thinking?)
Winnie, please point me toward whatever I said that sounded like that, and accept my sincerest apologies in advance. I have never intended to say something of that nature, and am genuinely horrified at the thought that I may have done so.
Re: MOG: What as happened to this forum?
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 3:31 pm
by wosnes
KCCC wrote:winnie96 wrote:
"Let's trash everyone who isn't living up to my idea of serious dieting" (KCCC: what were you thinking?)
Winnie, please point me toward whatever I said that sounded like that, and accept my sincerest apologies in advance. I have never intended to say something of that nature, and am genuinely horrified at the thought that I may have done so.
Might you have been quoting someone else? Or maybe it was someone else who wrote it and was accidentally attributed to you? I know I've read it, but I can't find it now.
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 3:45 pm
by StrawberryRoan
This thread makes me sad
If I have ever said anything that sounded unkind, I truly am sorry.
I love this board.
SR
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 4:13 pm
by ~reneew
StrawberryRoan wrote:This thread makes me sad
If I have ever said anything that sounded unkind, I truly am sorry.
I love this board.
SR
Yea, me too!
((((( Come on...Group hug )))))
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:06 pm
by mimi
I've been busy the last few days with the opening of school and haven't been able to check-in or read and respond too much...today after school I excitedly logged on to catch up and couldn't believe my eyes at some of what I was reading.
I too, am greatly saddened by this change in posting etiquette and the fact that some folks are leaving the forums because of it. I love this board as well and greatly enjoy so many of the posters here and the dialog in general.
I'm not leaving. I will continue to follow a NoS lifestyle and read and respond only to those people and posts that I find encouraging and/or helpful.
Mimi
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 9:34 pm
by rpm
Sorry to ask but what does MOG mean?
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:34 pm
by buttercreampillow
I thought she meant OMG.
Re: MOG: What as happened to this forum?
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:20 pm
by vmelo
KCCC wrote:winnie96 wrote:
"Let's trash everyone who isn't living up to my idea of serious dieting" (KCCC: what were you thinking?)
Winnie, please point me toward whatever I said that sounded like that, and accept my sincerest apologies in advance. I have never intended to say something of that nature, and am genuinely horrified at the thought that I may have done so.
I wouldn't worry too much about it, KCCC. I
think Winnie may be referring to the thread you started about finding it difficult to talk to traditional dieters. I don't consider what you posted "trashing" anyone, though.
I hope no one takes this the wrong way, but I don't see the point in people falling all over themselves apologizing for perceived wrongs when it's impossible to please all of the people all of the time. Also, when "conversations" occur solely in writing, there's much more of a chance that they'll be read in a way that the OP didn't intend. I think it's important to take into account what we know of the poster. For example, I've always found KCCC's posts to be helpful and kind, so if I read a post from her that I thought was inappropriate, I'd read it again to see whether I may have read something into it that really wasn't intended. None of us is perfect, and I know I've stuck my foot in my mouth many times---in person
and online.
I find I have little patience for "goodbye cruel forum" posts; I suppose I'm not sure of the purpose of them. If I think the board's tone has gotten less tolerant and my goal is to help remedy that, I'd probably post something to that effect and solicit suggestions for how the group can handle posters who seem to want to rile others. Otherwise, I'm not sure what my goal would be in posting my intentions to leave, especially when it's a "post-and-run." Maybe someone can enlighten me.
BrightAngel posted a good suggestion for how to handle negative posts, and I think I'll follow it.
Again, no offense to anyone here. Other than some mild tension on a couple of recent threads, I think the tone of this board is quite positive overall---especially when compared to some other boards I've visited.[/i]
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:24 pm
by vmelo
rpm wrote:Sorry to ask but what does MOG mean?
Thank you for asking!! I was thinking the same question, but I figured I'm such a nerd that I wasn't up on the "in" lingo of the day!
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:28 pm
by rpm
You are welcome. I will gladly accept nerd status.
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:39 pm
by wosnes
rpm wrote:You are welcome. I will gladly accept nerd status.
Bill Gates is/was a nerd.
Posted: Thu Aug 27, 2009 7:17 am
by funfuture
Bright angel, I agree with your suggestion - it's a good one.
KCCC - that soooo doesn't sound like you.
I've been away from the boards for about 7 months, and it has been surprising to come back and read these threads that contain so much disagreement and tension. Not that it was unknown on this board last time I was active here, but back then I was terribly impressed when friction arose by how well the participants resolved their misunderstandings and differences. I'd never see a board like it. There was so much good will. I know the goodwill is still here, but the willingness to really work at understanding each other's perspectives and resolving differences doesn't seem to be happening to the same extent this time around. Which is a pity.
Reinhard, I really appreciate your attempts to resolve things. The occasional disagreement is unavoidable (even healthy - and hey, sometimes pretty interesting); but constant disagreement is the opposite - just tedious.
Fun
xx