Everyday Systems

It has been a month since I (seriously) began the No S Diet, and so far I haven't been unable to get through a week without one, two, or three red days, so my weight loss has been basically negligible. At first, I was okay with this, because I knew it was my own fault that I was not adhering to the structure, but now I'm starting to get frustrated.

The problem is, ever since I started the diet, I have noticed increased pressure from others to eat desserts and snacks. They usually say something like, "Why aren't you eating?" or, when I don't want dessert, "You're no fun." When I skip seconds, my mom tells me to not get anorexic on her. I have tried to explain that the way that I am eating is the opposite of anorexia, but it makes me feel uncomfortable, so I find myself just giving in and eating because it's easier, but I don't even enjoy the food!

Does anyone else have this problem? How have you dealt with it?

I work at an elementary school, and there are always treats offered in the teacher's lounge. People try to get me to take some, and my response is always, "I save my treats for the weekend." This usually works pretty well - it's telling them no, but it's not saying you're crazy and won't eat this good yummy stuff.

If it's people closer to me, like my husband/sister/mom etc., I just explain to them the No-S approach and tell them that during the week I don't snack, have seconds, or eat sweets. They usually respect that.

There are times when my standard "soft excuses" don't work, but they USUALLY do.

Maybe later (later can be on the weekend)
Not right now (somehow, you just don't get around to it)
I'm just too full (and change the subject as fast as you can)
I'm not much of a snacker (for in-between meals... and amazingly, that has become a TRUE statement over time)
I'm not hungry right now, thanks.

Also, a lot of verbal praise - especially for home-baked stuff - seems to help. I can honestly tell people that it LOOKS great, that they were so thoughtful to have brought it, etc. The appreciation seems to help with the fact that I'm not actually eating. (Also works for something you did have and are being pressured to having more of.)

On the flip side, if it's standard store-bought crap that no one is really responsible for (work-provided stuff), you can turn your nose up at it. I confess to being a cookie snob because I bake myself, and people get that. (Use with care, because you don't want to hurt feelings.)

Other strategies
- If you can, eat slowly so that you're still on firsts as others eat seconds (I can't manage this, but some folks do).
- You can also "take some for later" and dump it discretely if you feel pressured.

Statements like "you're no fun" can be countered jokingly "I'm loads of fun - <insert corny joke>" or just a shrug and "I know. It's sad, isn't it? But I have lots of other good qualities." To the "don't get anorexic," just laugh and say "no danger there!" or something similar.

And - most importantly (especially with people close to you), you can simply stand your ground politely and perhaps a little quizzically. After all, why should it matter so much to them? They'll look like idiots pressuring you.

Thanks for the tips-- I will definitely try responding more jokingly and asking people why they care! Either way, I hope I'm able to stick this out like both of you have.

Welcome ColdPlay!

Have you read the book yet? It's not expensive, not long, but is packed with ammunition to help you stick to the guidelines and not be swayed by other's opinion. I highly recommend it. I think I've read parts of it a dozen times! Amazon.com carries it...

Hang in there...
janie

howfunisthat wrote:Welcome ColdPlay!

Have you read the book yet? It's not expensive, not long, but is packed with ammunition to help you stick to the guidelines and not be swayed by other's opinion. I highly recommend it. I think I've read parts of it a dozen times! Amazon.com carries it...

Hang in there...
janie

I'm gonna chime in with the advice to get a copy of the book. It makes a very sane and sensible argument backed with facts for moderate eating habits. Not only that, Reinhard has a delightful writing voice.

I'm not sure what you're getting from others is so much pressure as it is an observation that you're not 1) doing what you used to do or, 2) doing what the others are doing. Your good behavior makes them look bad.

Friends and family often unconsciously sabotage your efforts to lose weight for that one reason. Not partaking of snacks, seconds and sweets when everyone else is makes you stand out from the rest of them.

I find that the fact that I've just eaten a nice big first is usually enough for a "no thanks, I'm full" to be convincing.

Having a drink of some kind is a great smoke screen when others are having snacks. Both for them (they see you with something in your hand) and for you (you've got this great physical prop to make you feel like you stick out less).

But most importantly, just be convinced yourself that 3 full meals an N-day with exceptions on S-days is plenty. It really is.

Reinhard

I've been in your situation huni! I totally understand.
I had to learn that NO ONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR MY WEIGHT BUT ME!!

When i was overweight and fat, those people who would pressure me into eating where now nowhere to be found. They';re the ones staring critically at you.

I am sure your mom and family love you very much, but you must make it clear that you are eating what is right for you - A FULL PLATE, AT EVERY SINGLE MEAL, THREE TIMES A DAY! That is more than enough to keep from being 'anorexic'

Anorexic people would violate at least one or two of those rules every day, like eating a quarter of a plate, 3 times a day. Or eating one meal a day... You are not doing that. But don't feel like you have to explain.

"NO THANKS, I'M FULL, I JUST ATE A FULL PLATE" should suffice.

Some other strategies to help:

When around people who eat a lot, be the last to start and last to finish. Eat slowly and really enjoy your food! Don't get caught up in woolfing food down and rushing for seconds.

As Reindhart said, drink a water while you eat to help you eat slower and keep plently of food on your plate.

ABOVE ALL, don't let other people decide the weight you will be. Unless you are under 16, YOU SHOULD BE THE DECIDER OF YOUR OWN LIFE and your own weight! Period.

Cold7Play7 wrote: When I skip seconds, my mom tells me to not get anorexic on her.

When I skip seconds...

Like having seconds is the norm?!? If you stop and think about it, that surely indicates an eating 'disorder'. But I guess that would be disrespectful to say to your mom.

Cold7Play7 wrote:When I skip seconds, my mom tells me to not get anorexic on her. I have tried to explain that the way that I am eating is the opposite of anorexia, but it makes me feel uncomfortable, so I find myself just giving in and eating because it's easier, but I don't even enjoy the food!

Does anyone else have this problem? How have you dealt with it?

Anorexia is a legitimate concern for a parent whose child (Forgive me, I don't know how old you are, and am assuming you're still living under your mother's roof. If I'm wrong, I apologize) has made a radical change in eating habits.

You're quite right that eating three full meals a day is hardly anorexic behavior UNLESS combined with throwing up the meal afterward or excessive exercise. Thank her for her concern, and tell her that you've looked up warning signs of anorexia to be sure, because it is a scary condition and you certainly don't want to harm your health or mental well-being. But... You're full after a nice plate of this delicious dinner she made, you're grateful that she made it, and enjoyed it very much (Moms are suckers for gratitude, says the mom...).

As to "You're no fun", you could say, "But I'm fun on weekends and holidays!"

Or you could just smile and nod.

Sometimes I feel this way, but mostly with drinking. I don't drink to get drunk, ever, and never will. People seem to think that if you're an adult, especially a young adult, you should loooove to drink. I'm 24, but I usually will have, at parties, one light beer with my meal and that is it. I find that once people get used to the fact that that's how I am, they lay off. My husband doesn't try to get me to drink anymore at social events; he knows it's not fun to me like it is to him. After a while people in both our families just knew. I don't really care if they think I'm boring or whatever, or no fun, it's my personal choice. So maybe this will happen with food. Maybe after a while they'll just accept the fact that you're not going to do as they do. Just keep on fighting the good fight

Yes, what Nichole said. If you persist, they'll get used to the new you and leave you alone.

I work at a TV station and we have an older anchorman who just eats 3 meals a day, never snacks and never eats sweets. When people bring treats to the office, no one ever pressures him anymore, because they've come to accept that this is how he is. (He's in his late 60's and is very slim.)

Persist! They'll leave you alone.

Kathy

Get the book. Give it to your Mom to read. It is so reasonable that I don't see how she can be anything but proud of you for taking charge of this important part of your life! (Moms sometimes have a hard time letting their chicks grow up... no matter how old those chicks are!!) Stand your ground...say "no thank you" and smile. That should take care of most situations. If you are in a social setting, have some fun with it! Try, "Oh dear, if I eat dessert during the week, I break out in hives." makes no sense but will probably send the person trying to feed you away. If you are in a setting that will have you having to refuse time and time again..be honest and just keep repeating that you don't eat desserts during the week until everyone understands that is a fact you live by. I bet you will even have some folks join you in your no dessert campaign! Good Luck!!

Sometimes mothers use food as a way to show love, and their children's eating is a way of accepting that. When you've finished your full plate could you try saying "Thanks, Mom - I really enjoyed that meal." That acknowledges her taking care of you. And when she asks if you want more, you can calmly tell her you're full.

I've been doing No-S for two weeks now; this is my first post. I've had plenty of temptations at the office, and I've simply told my friends at the office that I'm doing the No-S diet. That's worked so far.